I Am Not Okay with This (2020–…): Season 1, Episode 7 - Deepest, Darkest Secret - full transcript

[heartbeat]

[high-pitched ringing]

[Syd] Dear Missing Diary,

so...

my dad was just like me,

and it destroyed him.

I guess I've got a choice to make.

Either I lock myself away from the world
and just disappear,

let this stuff just destroy me too,

or I could...

♪ Sunshine ♪



...make pancakes instead.

What's the point of letting this shit
get me down?

No way. Not me. Not this time.

♪ Superman ♪

- ♪ Do-do-do-do
- ♪ You could just sit there thinkin' ♪

[sizzling]

Pancakes are also
a great peace offering...

Morning.

...for the little brother
who got a black eye

because of your stupid mouth.

♪ Superman ♪

Are you drinking coffee?

Yeah. Want some?

Still mad at me?



Well, I mean, it still kinda hurts,

but lucky for you,

Veronica Thompson has a thing
for tough guys.

She gave me a sticker.

[chuckles] Nice one, Goob.

I'm never washing these pajamas.

Also, made you lunch.

Cut the crusts off the sandwich.

Just wanted to let you know I care.
[chuckles]

Are you okay?

Paint me yellow
and call me fucking sunshine, Goob.

♪ Eeh by gum, it's the Sunshine Superman ♪

I think the key is
when I start to feel upset,

to just decide to give less of a fuck.

The less of a fuck I give,
the less likely I am to break shit.

Stay positive, Syd.

Problem solved.

- [whistle blows]
- [shouting]

[woman] Take five, ladies.

[girl] I guess we got three more miles.
So much.

- Why'd she make us run so much?
- [sighs]

Let's sprint...

I don't think
I've ever seen you run that hard.

In fact, I don't think
I've ever seen you run.

Oh, God, it's the worst.

[sighs]

[man] Scotty, you're in!

Look, about the whole library situation...

I shouldn't have asked you
to help me steal anything, Dina.

It was stupid.

Truth is, and I... I know this
is gonna sound crazy, but...

[sighs]...I sort of had
this, like... hallucination.

- Shit.
- Or something, I don't know.

I was... just freaked out.

I mean,
this is exactly the kind of crazy shit

you should be telling me, Syd.

That's what I'm here for.

I don't get it.
I used to know everything about you.

I even knew what you had for lunch.

[chuckles]

Now it's just, like, nothing.

Well, I guess I should tell you...

Today... I had an apple

and some peanut butter and chocolate milk

and, like, three cartons of Nerds.

- [laughing]
- [boy] Ahem.

Uh, Dina...

Uh, yeah.

I was thinking,
since you and Brad are, like, whatever,

and the big dance is tonight,
maybe we could...

Oh, I've decided
to kind of just lay low this year.

Cool. No worries.

[sighs] That's, like, the third person
that's asked me today.

I mean, I'm flattered, but, oh, my God,
I am so over guys right now.

[laughs]

Yeah, me too.

What about Stan?

Stan and I, we're just...

better off as friends.

You know, if he ever decides
to talk to me again.

You guys aren't going
to homecoming together anymore?

Well...

any chance you might, uh...

wanna go with me?

Unless homecoming's for people like...

People like what?

People with... pep.

Well, I'm pep as fuck today, Dina.

- Let's do it!
- [laughs]

[whistle blows]

Wait, we're not dressing up, are we?

You better bring it, Syd.

["Here Comes Your Man" by Pixies playing]

♪ Outside, there's a boxcar waitin' ♪

♪ Outside the family stew ♪

♪ Out by the fire breathin' ♪

♪ Outside we wait till face turns blue ♪

♪ There is a wait so long ♪

♪ So long, so long ♪

♪ You'll never wait so long ♪

♪ Here comes your man ♪

♪ Here comes your man ♪

[laughing]

That's right.

It's homecoming.

[commentator] Touchdown!

You remember, don't you, Dad?

Crowned king in '91.

They still got my picture
hangin' in the auditorium.

How's that workin' out for you?

You the big man now?

Is that what this is?

[laughs]

[belches]

Aah! [laughs]

[coughs]

[Brad's friend]
Dude, we crushed that game.

We lost by 28 points.

Still.

So, what do you wanna do?

Let's just say that tonight's
gonna be fuckin' mind-blowing.

[laughs]

Okay.

[sighs]

[Maggie] Wow!

Syd.

A dress. [chuckles]

- Can you help me with the...
- Yeah. Yeah.

...with the buttons in the back?

You know,

the first time your dad and I kissed
was at a school dance.

- Dad! At a dance?
- [chuckles]

I know, it's hard to imagine,
but your dad actually had some moves.

It was my sophomore year,

and I... I went with this senior,
Charlie Murray.

His hair did this amazing swoop thing.

I'm pretty sure
he used a lot of hair spray.

Wow, please tell me this ends
in Dad punching this guy in the face.

Oh, not quite.

You see, I... I didn't know
any of Charlie's friends,

and they thought I was
just some dumb sophomore,

so he ditched me to hang out with them.

And your dad...

he saw me just standing there all alone,

and he came over,
and he asked me to dance.

Before I said yes,

we just looked at each other and somehow,

we knew.

All done.

You look beautiful.

Thanks.

I've been such a dick.

Yes, you have.

[laughs]

It's just...

I miss him.

Yeah.

Me too.

[doorbell rings]

Oh, hey, D.

Syd'll be a minute,
but, uh, you can come inside.

Have a seat.

Okay.

Can I get you somethin'?
Some tea, some coffee?

It's French roast.

Checkin' out my face, huh, D?

Pretty cool, right?

You should see the other guy.

Syd, you...

I brought it, right?

Yeah. Big time. [chuckles]

All right, you two, remember.

No smoking, no drinking,

be home by eight o'clock.

It's 7:45.

And most importantly, Syd...

Yeah, Goob?

Have fun.

♪ Summer in the city
Where the air is still ♪

♪ A baby bein' born to the overkill ♪

♪ Well, who cares what people say? ♪

♪ We walk down love's motorway ♪

♪ Ambition and love
Wearin' boxin' gloves ♪

♪ And singin' hearts and flowers ♪

♪ But somewhere in my heart ♪

♪ There is a star that shines for you ♪

- ♪ Silver splits the blue ♪
- [Dina laughs]

♪ Love will see it through ♪

♪ And somewhere in my heart ♪

♪ There is the will to set you free ♪

♪ All you've got to be ♪

♪ Is true ♪

♪ A star above the city
In the northern chill ♪

♪ A baby being born to the overkill ♪

- ♪ With no say, no place to go ♪
- [sighs]

♪ A TV and a radio ♪

♪ Ambition and love
Wearin' boxin' gloves ♪

- ♪ And singin' hearts and flowers... ♪
- Okay, so, I have a question.

What's your deepest, darkest secret?

What?

I... I mean, you know...

Um...

like, do you have any zits
in weird places, or...

Eww! Gross.

Yeah.

- ♪ Somewhere in my heart ♪
- Gross.

♪ There is the will to set you free ♪

♪ All you've got to be ♪

- Do you want some?
- ♪ Is true ♪

Marijuana is a gateway drug.

Uh-huh. And, um...
Okay, what... what comes next?

Mushrooms, then MDMA,

then cocaine, then crack, then heroin,

then gasoline, huffing it,

then death.

♪ From Westwood to Hollywood ♪

Here's hopin', Mercedes.

- ♪ The one truth that's understood ♪
- Okay.

- Do you want some punch?
- Sure.

["More Than This" by Roxy Music playing]

We could... we could go and dance.

- ♪ I could feel at the time ♪
- Uh...

- ♪ There was no way of knowin' ♪
- [sighs] Okay.

♪ Fallen leaves in the night ♪

♪ Who can say where they're blowin'? ♪

♪ As free as the wind ♪

♪ Hopefully learnin' ♪

♪ Why the sea on the tide ♪

♪ Has no way of turnin' ♪

♪ More than this ♪

Best theater in town, huh?

♪ You know, there's nothin' ♪

I'm pretty sure you specifically said
you weren't coming to this.

I wasn't.

Well, aren't you worried
about being followed?

- ♪ More than this ♪
- No one's following me, Stan.

It was... it was all in my head.

♪ Tell me one thing ♪

I should've told you I was coming.

- [sighs]
- ♪ It was fun for a while ♪

Syd, I know that we're not...

like, a thing, or together,
or whatever, and that's...

and that's cool, I...

♪ Like a dream in the night ♪

- ♪ Who can say where we're goin'? ♪
- I mean, you gotta know I...

- ♪ No care in the world ♪
- I really like you.

♪ Maybe I'm learnin' ♪

- I really like you too, Stan.
- ♪ Why the sea on the tide ♪

A lot.

♪ Has no way of turnin' ♪

Just not in that way.

♪ More than this ♪

- ♪ You know there's nothin' ♪
- [sighs]

Yeah. I guess I knew
you'd say that, eventually.

♪ Tell me one thing ♪

- So who are you here with, anyway?
- ♪ More than this ♪

- Dina.
- ♪ No, there's nothin' ♪

Well, does she know about you?

- ♪ More than this ♪
- Does she know about me? In what way?

Well, that you're a superhero.

♪ Nothin' ♪

- ♪ More than this ♪
- Right. Right.

You're the only one.

[chuckles]

- Cool.
- ♪ Nothin' ♪

- Also, I'm really not a super...
- Just... just give me this one thing.

Please.

Come on.

[chuckles]

Stan!

Dina, you look, um...
you look like a Christmas tree.

- Thanks, dude.
- Uh-huh.

[laughs]

Oh, God. Whitaker's still watching us.

It's probably the most exciting thing
that's ever happened in his entire life.

Mm. I don't know, guys.

I mean, we're wanted criminals.
Why are we out here in the open?

Exposed. First rule of the heist is split
the loot and split the fuck up, right?

What loot?

All we did
was disrespect this fine institution.

- [Stan] Mm.
- And disrespect ourselves.

- [Dina] Yes.
- [laughs]

["It's Over Now" by Roxette plays]

Oh, no. On principle, I just... I can't.
Sorry, this playlist is all over the map.

- I'll... I'll be back.
- Okay.

Hey, dude, can I request a song?

- ♪ It must have been love ♪
- [DJ] Never.

What do you mean,
never heard of Bloodwitch?

[Dina] Do you wanna dance?

♪ It's over now ♪

Sure.

♪ Lay a whisper ♪

♪ On my pillow ♪

♪ Leave the winter ♪

- Milady.
- [laughs]

♪ On the ground ♪

♪ I wake up lonely ♪

- So...
- ♪This air of silence ♪

We never really talked about
that night at Ricky's.

♪ In the bedroom ♪

- Oh.
- ♪ And all around ♪

- Yeah, I... I... I'm sorry about that.
- ♪ Touch me now ♪

No, don't apologize.

I was just... I was wondering
what that kiss was about.

[chuckles]

- I just wasn't expecting it.
- ♪ It must have been love ♪

Yeah.

♪ But it's over now ♪

I'm really sorry.

♪ It must have been good ♪

Well, it's just,
ever since it happened, I...

- ♪ It must have been love ♪
- I've been thinking...

♪ But it's over now ♪

- I didn't... not like it.
- ♪ From the moment we touched ♪

♪ Till the time had run out ♪

So you know.

♪ Make believin' ♪

- Oh.
- ♪ We're together ♪

Okay.

- So...
- ♪ That I'm sheltered ♪

So...

♪ By your heart ♪

♪ In and outside ♪

♪ I turn to water ♪

- ♪ Like... ♪
- [feedback]

All right, ladies and gentlemen,
if I may have your attention.

Stop talking. Look up here, please.

It is my privilege to introduce
your homecoming king and queen,

Jeff Butters and Julie Frasheski!

[cheering]

What up, Westinghouse!

Yeah! Where my boys at? Whoo!

Where do I begin?

I wanna thank my mom
for meeting my dad...

- Listen up!
- [feedback]

- ...do that! Brad, you can't do that!
- Give me a second.

Give me a second!

I would like to take this moment

to talk about something very important

that affects everyone here.

Sydney Novak!

Hey, Sydney.

Raise your hand.

Raise your hand.

Give a wave so everybody can see you.

You see, what a lot of people
don't know about Sydney here,

she is one hell of a writer.

[whispers] What is he talking about?

[feedback]

You know, it's... it's funny,

because everyone is so fast
to call me an asshole,

but while I was downstairs
banging Jenny Tuffield at Ricky's...

[crowd gasping]

...guess what Sydney was doing upstairs.

She was kissing my girlfriend.

[crowd murmurs]

Now, don't get me wrong, chicks get drunk,

they make out sometimes,
and I'm all for it, but...

being a full-on dyke,

that's a whole other ball game.

I mean, Syd is fucking in love with Dina.

Page after page, it's absolutely pathetic.

Oh, shut up, Brad.

And, my God,

don't even get me started
with the daddy issues on this one.

Everyone in her life
thinks that she's a piece of shit.

And I mean everyone.

- [laughs] Ooh-hoo!
- Hey, man! Leave her alone!

- [grunts]
- [crowd gasps]

But that is not even
the weirdest thing about Sydney...

[Syd] Shut up!

...Novak.

[screams] Fuck!

Shut up. Just shut up.

[Brad] Get this.

- Sydney claims that she has...
- [Syd] Shut up!

[screaming]

[screaming]

["The Killing Moon"
by Echo and the Bunnymen playing]

♪ Under a blue moon I saw you ♪

♪ So soon you'll take me ♪

♪ Up in your arms, too late to beg you ♪

♪ Or cancel it though I know it must be ♪

♪ The killing time ♪

♪ Unwillingly mine ♪

♪ Fate ♪

♪ Up against your will ♪

- ♪ Through the thick and thin ♪
- [sirens wailing]

♪ He will wait until ♪

♪ You give yourself to him ♪

[panting]

- ♪ In starlit nights I saw you ♪
- [Syd] I tried.

- I tried to be normal.
- ♪ So cruelly you kissed me ♪

- ♪ Your lips a magic world ♪
- But I'm just not wired that way.

♪ Your sky all hung with jewels ♪

Thanks, Dad.

♪ The killing moon ♪

♪ Will come too soon ♪

♪ Fate ♪

♪ Up against your will ♪

♪ Through the thick and thin ♪

- ♪ He will wait until ♪
- I didn't mean to...

- I just wanted him to stop talking.
- ♪ You give yourself to him ♪

That's all.

Maybe I'll just... run away or something.

Hide somewhere,

where no one else can find me.

Ever.

[whispering voices]

I think I finally understand
how lonely my dad must have felt.

[rumbling]

[gasps]

Who are you?

Should I be afraid?

[man] They should be afraid.

Let's begin.

["That's Why"
by David Marks and the Marksmen playing]

♪ Oh, the sunshine ♪

♪ When it's warm, dear ♪

♪ That's why ♪

♪ That's why ♪

♪ And I'm cryin' ♪

♪ 'Cause I'm lonely ♪

♪ That's why ♪

♪ Oh, I watch you ♪

♪ 'Cause I need you ♪

♪ That's why ♪

♪ That's why ♪

♪ And I haven't ♪

♪ Been the same, dear ♪

♪ Since you said goodbye ♪

♪ Why, why did you leave me? ♪

♪ And why, why do I cry? ♪

♪ That's why ♪

♪ That's why ♪