Hustle (2004–2012): Season 6, Episode 1 - And This Little Piggy Had Money - full transcript
The team plans to shake down an investment banker bailed out by the government during the credit crisis yet still getting a 500 grand pension per year. Complications arise when the chief police constable Britford announces herself with the intention to apprehend Mickey.
# La-la-la, la-la-la-la-la La-la-la
# La-la-la-la-la, la-la-la
# La-la-la-la-la, la-la-la La-la-la-la-la
# I just can't get you out of my head
# Boy, your loving is all I think about
# I just can't get you out of my head
# Boy, it's more than I dare to think about
# There's a dark secret in me
# Don't leave me locked in your heart
# Set me free
# Feel the need in me
# Set me... #
[APPLAUSE]
Yes, that's a wrap.
- Excellent everybody, terrific, magnifico.
- So, what do you think?
She is even more beautiful in the flesh.
- Yes, she is.
- Can I meet her? - Well...
I'm sorry, love, it's not possible,
she's got a quick change
- then it's straight off to the airport...
- You will ask her.
I'm sure she'll say the same.
But, you, I am not paying L250,000
to sing in my party.
I'll see what I can do.
Em, that was amazing.
- You think he went for it?
- We'll soon find out won't we?
- Well, he'd better, cos I'm aching
in places I forgot I had places. Argh!
Yeah, well, you know, almost there.
- What do you mean "almost"?
- How's your Aussie accent?
- What?
- He wants to meet you.
- Ash, no! We agreed!
- I'll send Kev over, get your back kit on.
No, Ash! Ash!
Oh!
Kev, Kev, Kev. I need a Winnebago.
- No chance.
- It's an emergency. - No.
They'll throw me off set.
No way, mate, I mean it.
- I hate you.
- I hate you too. Which one?
- Big one on the end
- Tell Sean and Emma, will you?
- Two minutes tops, like I said, we're on a tight schedule.
- We understand.
It's only me, sweet.
Oh, Bruce, hi!
- You were fantastic.
- Oh, thank you.
- Kylie, this is Tamir Abu-Al Saud.
- How are you?
It's a very great honour.
It's Tamir's birthday party
you'll be singing at next week.
Oh, really? Well, happy birthday!
- That's it!
- I'm sorry?
That's what you must do!
Like Marilyn Monroe for JFK.
Happy birthday To You!
Only instead of Mr President,
perhaps you could say my name!
I'd love to.
Maybe I could pop out of a really big cake?
Yes! That would be incredible.
My Father, he will poop his pants.
- He is a big fan also.
- Really?
Absolutely! Two hearts is
his all-time favourite.
You tell your Father
I would love to sing it for him.
Good. You're happy, I'm happy,
everybody's happy!
I also have list of other songs
I want you to sing.
You start with Lucky, Lucky,
then into Better The Devil.
Seven more, then a big finish
with Especially For You.
No Locomotion though. Sorry,
but it was shit.
Er, I'll see what I can do.
Right, any chance of getting changed?
If I don't get her out of those Jimmy Choos,
she'll have blisters the size of Anne Widdecombe's arse.
We've taken up enough of your time, thank you.
Until next week then.
I'll look forward to it. All right?
Bye-bye, bye, see you. Bye-bye.
Thank you.
Well done, lads.
[HE CLEARS THROAT]
Oh, listen, cheers, Kev, mate,
I owe you one.
Yeah, just please go,
while I've still got a job.
Gotta say it, Emma. That was amazing.
- You did very well, my dear.
- Hear, hear.
And he was just rich enough and
obnoxious enough to make it fun.
- Yeah, but there is one thing I don't get.
- What's that?
I don't even look like Kylie.
What? Eh, what?
Sean and Emma are working out very well.
- Yes, they are.
- I think they're a real asset to the team, don't you?
He's going to make me say it, isn't he?
Yes, I am.
Albert - you were right.
That's very kind of you to say so.
And so unexpected.
Eddie's bringing them over.
So, what's next?
- Albert's been working on a mark.
- Anyone we know?
Sir Edmund Richardson.
- Piggy Richardson?
- The very same, yes.
- Who's he when he's at home?
He ran one of the banks that
nearly went under last year
- until the Government bailed them out.
- We did, you mean. - We did?
- Well, the taxpayer.
- Do we pay tax?
No, no, but it's the principle.
So you're saying if we paid tax, which we don't,
then we bailed him out, which we didn't?
- Exactly.
- Gotcha.
He took the bank to the verge of collapse
then left with a pension of half a million pounds a year.
- And half the people that worked for him lost their jobs.
- There we go.
Thanks, mate.
There was a bird in here looking for you, Mick.
A "bird"? What, like a parrot?
- No, a bird bird.
- Oh... A "bird" bird.
She say what she wanted?
Just something about you and
her having mutual interests.
- What did she look like?
- Fit.
- "Fit"?
- Yeah!
- Posh fit or mucky fit?
- I'm sorry, is this a new language?
She was more posh fit,
like, with just a hint of mucky.
- That's my favourite.
- That's mine as well.
Dunno, I just like mucky fit.
Anyhow, she said she'd be in touch.
- Aha! Secret admirer perhaps?
- Here, you're not up to something on the sly, are you?
- No, I am not.
- Can we stick to the job in hand?
- You are, aren't you? - Ash!
- Sorry.
- I'm...
Piggy Richardson?
We had drinks yesterday.
He's looking to supplement his pension,
working as a financial consultant overseas.
And he thinks I'm a head-hunter
for the Western Bank of California.
So how do we get to him?
I told him I felt it was
terrible that his own country
didn't appreciate his entrepreneurial spirit.
Oh, go away!
After all, it was only working class people
who lost their jobs.
Well said, old man!
These bloody people think the world
owes them a bloody living!
- Nice bloke.
- I painted a picture of how his life
would be at the Western Bank of California.
Oh, I bet he liked that.
I think it's fair to say he was taken with the idea.
- So how do we start?
- I offered to introduce him to our currency specialist,
- help him make the most of transferring
his assets to the States. - Genius.
You're Tom Bernstein, an American,
got a BA from the University of Michigan,
PhD in economics from the
Massachusetts Institute of Technology.
And you've got an English wife who's
currently in the UK visiting her parents.
Ash. We'd better make sure the background holds up.
Does the Western Bank of California
have offices in London?
St Peter's Square.
We'll do the bank on the fly first,
then bounce him on to a hotel.
- I'll check out the bank.
- Sean, hotel and working capital.
- OK.
- What about me?
Well, if you're the wife of a
high flying Californian banker,
- you'd better go shopping.
- It's tough, but someone's got to do it.
I'll do my best for the team.
- We'll rendezvous at six.
- Right.
Laters.
Albert, keep Richardson bubbling
with a meet at the hotel tomorrow.
This woman, did she ask for me by name?
- Yeah.
- And you said?
Told her I'd never heard of you.
So she smiled and asked me
to pass the message on anyway.
Remember. The key is misdirection.
While your brain registers this...
It doesn't feel this.
Nice.
Hi, I'd like to book your best
available suite, please.
Just the one night.
- What can I get you?
- Just the usual, please.
[CAR HORN TOOTS]
[TYRES SQUEAL]
I mean, I wouldn't mind, George,
but it's not as though I've killed anybody.
- All I've done is take what's rightfully mine.
- I couldn't agree more.
I mean, the Chancellor puts up
the bloody pensions every year.
- When it comes to me, suddenly I'm a pariah!
- Shocking.
That's what's wrong with this country.
We're so busy looking after the
bloody layabouts and ne'er-do-wells,
we forget about those that created
the wealth in the first place.
Until you went under, you mean.
Well, yes, but it's an international crisis.
Completely out of our hands.
Ah, yes, that's right, of course.
Smacks of jealousy if you ask me.
Bloody whinging, "Look at him,
he's got more money than me."
Well, boo bloody hoo! As far as I'm concerned,
when the ship goes down, well, you know what they say...
- Women and children first?
- Every man for himself.
Well, you can put all that behind you soon.
So you think we can swing it then, this...?
The board voted for you this morning.
- Really?
- Unanimously, yes.
- So what's next?
- I suggest you get together with our people
and discuss the transfer of your assets.
And then I'll introduce you to
one of my colleagues at the bank.
- The currency chappie?
- The very same, yes.
I'm bloody grateful, old son.
- I'll call you as soon as it's set up.
- Excellent.
- I bought you a tie.
- Thank you.
- Did you get me anything?
- No, I didn't see anything you'd like.
How'd it go, Albert?
Straining at the leash. Just how we like 'em.
- Can we get in the bank?
- Yeah, just as long as you're in and out in ten minutes.
- Should be enough time.
- Hotel's booked and we've got expenses.
Good. So are we ready to go?
[PHONE RINGS]
Hello?
Yes, it is.
There must be some mistake.
I didn't make a reservation.
Oh, I see.
No, no, no, thank you.
Seems my dinner reservation for
this evening has been confirmed.
- I thought you didn't make one.
- I didn't. It was made by my wife.
- Rachel?
- Who's Rachel?
- His ex.
- We haven't spoken in six years.
There's no reason for her to
invite me out to dinner suddenly.
- Old time's sake?
- No. How would she get this number?
Well, it wasn't Rachel...
Eddie's mystery bird?
- So you're going?
- I'm intrigued.
Hmm. Would you be this
intrigued if it was a man?
Maybe.
Come on, Mickey,
you don't know who this woman is.
If it was a bloke, we'd be there with you,
watching your back.
- Not necessarily.
- Yes, necessarily.
What's going on here exactly?
I'm interested in the way your mind works.
Like a psychological evaluation?
Exactly. Are you going because you're intrigued,
or because she's a posh bird with a hint of mucky?
- Are you jealous?
- Of course not, why would I be?
- I don't know.
If I was jealous,
I'd be asking you why you had a bath,
put on a suit,
aftershave and the tie I just bought you.
- But you're not? - No.
- It's just professional concern?
- Yes.
- Because you think I might be in danger.
- Exactly.
Would you feel better if you all came with me?
I'll just get changed.
She's late.
- There is another possibility.
- Yeah, what's that?
Our mystery woman's a burglar and now we're out of the way,
she's back there turning over our gaff.
Stranger things have happened.
It's all part of the mystery, isn't it?
Her leaving him waiting.
You've scrubbed up well, Ems.
What this?
Oh, I just grabbed the first thing I saw.
Oh, right.
I wouldn't mind grabbing her.
Michael Stone?
Lucy Britford.
It's her.
- Have we met?
- We have now.
Please.
- Can I get you a drink?
- Champagne, please.
- I've been looking forward to this.
- Oh?
I'm a fan.
Are you a grifter?
Heavens, no.
Though I can see the attraction.
So..?
I'm a Detective Chief Inspector.
He's buying her champagne.
- Well, at least she's not a burglar.
- Why is he buying her champagne?
You know the Government set up the ECD last year?
- Economic Crime Division.
- Where it would seem you're something of a legend.
- I'm flattered.
- I've been drafted in to review your case file.
I have a case file?
It's bulging at the seams. Not that size matters.
The problem is, you've become
something of a blot on the landscape.
Oh, dear. Well, look,
if there's anything I can do...
Well, you could always confess to all
your past misdemeanours and make my life incredibly easy.
I'll give that some thought.
I'm sure you will.
Looks like they're getting on like a house on fire.
Yeah, well she's his type, ain't she?
- His "type"?
- Yeah.
And how would you define that exactly?
Leggy brunette.
- Unlucky, sis.
- Sean, come on, this is strictly professional.
We have no idea who she is.
That's why we're here, isn't it?
Watch his back.
I don't think it's his back we should be worried about.
- So you see me as a stepping stone?
- I'm ambitious.
I catch you, I get promoted.
And this, what is this?
- A friendly warning?
- No, this is dinner.
Before you catch me?
Think of it as a last supper.
The City is teeming with crooks.
There's bankers, MPs' expenses...
Surely you've got bigger fish to fry?
The Bernie Madoffs and dishonest MPs
of this world are easy to catch.
Sooner or later they do something stupid.
Maybe we're not that different after all.
Oh?
I see people like that as marks too.
- Except I'm the big bad policewoman
and you're what? Robin Hood? - No.
- What then?
- Everyone I go after is a crook,
one way or another.
I simply see if they can take it as well as dish it out.
Well said. Though strictly speaking,
it's still illegal.
Your rules, not mine.
I'll catch you, Mickey.
It's been tried.
Not by me.
Before joining the Met,
I was on attachment to the FBI in Seattle.
I worked with the fraud office at Interpol
and have a 95% clear-up rate.
And there I was thinking you were perfect.
One died.
And tell me. Your other conquests -
did you take them out to dinner first?
- No.
- Then why me?
I like you.
You're smart,
you have a conscience...of sorts,
and an audacity that makes me laugh out loud.
Your Kylie Minogue scam was outrageous!
Oh, don't worry,
I'll let you have that one.
My team saw enough to work out what was going on,
but we couldn't convict without the mark's evidence.
And given who he is,
I can hardly see him standing
in the witness box like an idiot, can you?
Shall we order dessert?
- Are you eating that?
- No.
- Why is he taking so long?
- Mickey knows what he's doing.
She's had four glasses of champagne,
a main course and now she's stuffing
her face with ice cream.
Doesn't seem to be doing her figure any harm.
Some birds are like that. Don't matter what they eat...
- Metabolism, innit?
- I once knew a woman who ate like a horse.
Even looked like one too.
Never strayed above seven stone.
Am I the only one taking this seriously?
Absolutely not.
We're ready to pounce the minute things get nasty,
aren't we, lads?
- Let's go Dutch.
- No. It's on me.
Thank you.
After reading your file,
I had high expectations.
It's so nice not to be disappointed.
I assume I'll be seeing a lot more of you?
Why would you assume that?
Aren't you going to be following me around?
God, no, nothing so archaic.
But we can catch up in the
interview room after you're arrested.
I'll look forward to it.
Though I suspect not quite as much as I will.
You can take him home now.
Blimey, she's a piece of work.
She's like a one woman wrecking ball,
look at this lot.
Jamie Elvins, Kenny Bond, Stan Dyson.
I worked with Stan 20 years ago.
DCI Lucy Britford joined the
ECD with a brief to clamp down
on the cons,
which are blighting the City of London.
You'd think she'd be busy enough with
the banks without worrying about us.
No, no. She's a headline grabber
and you'd make quite a scalp.
Maybe we should keep our heads
down until she loses interest.
But we already have a mark set up.
Ash is right,
she'll move on in a month or so.
I'll keep Sir Edmund on ice.
Great. So Lucy Bitchface says
"Boo" and we all jump?
Well, it might be better than getting banged up.
Mick?
I've never run away from
anything in my entire life.
I'm not about to start now.
She thinks she can outsmart us.
Let's prove her wrong.
We go tomorrow as planned.
[PHONE RINGS]
Hello?
George! How the devil are you?
Yes, yes.
I had my chaps send over the portfolio,
I've just been reading it.
Bloody marvellous!
'I'll be there.'
Excellent, I'll see you then.
I'm going to meet him outside
the bank at one o'clock sharp.
Good.
You know why she wanted to meet you?
To prick my ego, hoping it'll make me careless.
- Will it?
- No.
Be careful of rising to the challenge, Michael.
You know there's an old saying -
"Pride comes before a fall."
Albert, it's not going to happen.
OK, if you're going to make it personal,
I suggest you keep it that way.
Which means,
not taking everyone else down with you.
Got it?
OK.
OK, everyone. Change of plan.
We never change our plan.
- This time we are.
- Because of Lucy Bitchface?
- Partly.
- So what's up?
I want you three on the outside,
I'll meet Richardson on my own.
Hang on, I thought I was your wife!
Looks like you just got divorced.
A bit short notice, Mick.
Sorry, I can't help that.
Emma, take care of the guy from the bank,
then from that moment on you'll be visiting a sick relative.
Sean, let's lose the convincer.
I'll do the hotel on my own.
We can use the one thing we have to our advantage.
The ECD are playing catch-up.
We can get in and out,
wrap this whole thing up before they work out who the mark is.
You say so.
It's Harold Holmes, Investment Manager.
Remember, they're not going to buy him
having an appointment unless he's actually due back.
This guy's like clockwork. 12.30
he leaves the bank, back at one o'clock on the dot.
So 12.55 you come into the cafe, do your stuff
and make sure he doesn't leave before ten past.
- Ten past.
- Five, four,
three, two, one.
[WATCH BEEPS]
- I'll keep an eye on him. See you at five to.
- OK.
I've never been divorced before.
Or married, for that matter.
It's for the best.
I don't need protecting.
Especially not from Lucy Bitchface.
- I'm being careful, that's all.
- No, but you're not, you're flirting.
- I'm... What?
- She's pulling your strings and you're falling for it.
Oh, come on!
Is that really what you think of me?
- Does it matter what I think?
- Yes, it does actually.
OK, I think you fancy her and
you want to show her how clever you are.
- Oh, please don't hold back on my account.
- I won't.
Do you, then?
- Do I what?
- You know what!
- Okay, No, I don't.
- Liar!
- It's not funny.
- I thought you and I agreed we were a bad idea.
- We are!
- Then why are we having this conversation?
- Because you're being a shit!
No, worse than that, you're being a man.
- I'm... I'm being a man?
- You heard me.
Right, well that makes no sense.
- Which I suppose means You're being a woman.
- Oh, good. - Yes, good.
- Well, that's that then.
- That is that.
- I'm going to go flirt with a banker.
- It's not time yet.
- I can flirt with whoever
I like for as long as I like, thank you.
- Emma!
Hello, handsome. Buy me a coffee.
Good afternoon, I have an appointment with Mr Holmes.
I'm afraid he's not back from lunch yet.
I know. He called to say he'd be five minutes.
I'm supposed to wait in his office.
- That's not...
- I'm with the Revenue.
Oh, right... Er, this way.
My colleague will be joining me,
so there will be two of us.
My divorce only came through this morning,
but I wasn't that bothered.
I don't like him very much.
He's arrogant and self-opinionated
and always insists on getting his own way
and for somebody who's supposed
to make a living studying human nature,
he knows next to nothing about women.
Edmund! Welcome to the Western Bank of California.
Glad to be here, old boy.
Let's get inside, shall we?
I've got another meeting,
but Tom is expecting you.
Come on right in. You're looking wonderful,
what have you been doing?
Tom, I'd like you to meet Sir Edmund Richardson.
- Sir Edmund, it's a pleasure.
- Good of you to spare the time.
I'll leave you two alone,
I'll catch up with you later.
- Absolutely.
- Thank you.
Come on in.
Please.
You know what?
I'm going to join you over here.
I find desks so impersonal, don't you?
It's not even like I'm the jealous type.
God, I hate that in people!
It's so immature.
But there's a difference between being jealous
and caring for someone's welfare,
taking an interest.
At least that's what I think, but no,
he has to get it totally wrong and misunderstand everything...
- Can I ask you something?
- Yes?
Why are you talking to me?
- What?
- Well, it's just you came in,
you sat down and started talking...
A lot. Only I'm not sure why?
- Oh, well...
- It's just that I'm late for work. You see...
Sex!
Excuse me?
Now I'm divorced, I need sex.
Lots of it.
The trick is to move a chunk of
your pension fund over to the US before you leave.
This demonstrates a commitment, not only to the bank,
but more importantly to US Immigration.
- Makes it easier for us to get you a green card.
- OK.
The problem, as I see it,
is that your pension in the UK
is the subject of some media scrutiny.
- Bloody communists.
- And as much as we want you to join us,
we're keen to avoid any adverse publicity if we can.
- Understood.
- So if you're willing, we have a proposal.
- I'm all ears.
The board have suggested that
we start the ball rolling with
a modest cash transaction.
Something that we'll use
to open an investment account.
I need to give my fund 24 hours
for a cash withdrawal.
How much do you think will swing it?
Half a mill?
That's do-able, right?
- Dollars or sterling?
- Sterling.
That's, that's a lot of cash!
Yes, and like any of the other potential candidates,
you need to be entirely comfortable with this.
Other candidates?
Yeah, uh, the board are keen
to explore other options,
- just in case we can't circumnavigate
your problems with the media. - I see.
But it's your call entirely.
Why don't you go away for a few days,
think about it?
- Well, I...
- It's a prime appointment,
- I don't know how long the board will wait.
- Still, half a mill...
Yeah, you're right. You're right.
I guess the question you have to ask yourself
is would you rather stay here in the UK
and fight your corner or come to California?
Bugger it!
You know what they say.
- He who dares, wins?
- Fill your boots!
Look, I really must be going, I'm late.
No, no, no, don't go!
I want to get to know you better.
All you have done is come in here
talk about your ex-husband,
offer me sex,
now you're back talking about him again.
I'm sorry. I won't mention him again.
Frankly, I think you need help.
I think the board are going to be very pleased when
I tell them we've managed to find a way through this.
I'll call my fund manager right away.
- Excellent.
- Excuse me, Mr Holmes,
there's a gentleman from the Revenue.
He's waiting in your office.
- Welcome to the Western Bank.
- Glad to be on board.
He said it was urgent.
Thanks.
Sir Edmund,
would you excuse me just one second?
- Of course.
- Be right back.
- There you are! - What?
- I've been waiting for you.
You been in the cafe across the street?
- Yes...
- Talking to my woman?
Don't lie to me,
I saw you sitting with her.
- I... She...
- So what's g'wan?
- Pardon?
- What's going on?
Nothing, I was just having my lunch and she...
- You messing with my woman?
- No!
So why you cosying up to her
like that then? Now, look...
Tell me the truth.
Have you been getting jiggy with my baby?
- And don't lie to me, I'll know if you lie to me.
- No, I... - Come here.
See that man in there?
Don't stare at him!
He can snap you in half just by looking at you.
- I can assure you, there's nothing...
- I bet you're married as well.
Show me your hand, show me your hand.
There's a ring on it.
There's a ring on his finger. That's nasty.
What's your wife's number?
- I'm going to call her.
- I haven't done anything...
- Tell her you're messing around while
she's watching the babies.
- I haven't got babies.
- Trying to hook my honey because yours is barren?
- No! She has decided...
No... That is,
WE decided to wait.
Yeah, wait while I call your wife.
What's her number?
You don't need to do this,
this is not what you think...
How do you know what I think?
We just talked!
I've never seen her before in my life.
Look at me. Look at me.
I want to see your eyes.
I'm not lying.
OK.
OK.
I just keep jumping to conclusions,
you get me?
Yes.
- Putting two and two together and getting nine.
- Yes, that's...
Just give you a chance to explain things,
talk things through.
- That would be nice.
- Over there. - But...
- You don't want to explain?
- Yes.
Then wait there for me over there, dread!
- There's always something to do.
- I understand.
My diary tomorrow is a little insane.
My wife's father is now sick
so we have to drive down to Kent.
But I'm staying at the Berwick Hotel.
Maybe you could swing by there
tomorrow morning around 11.30?
- At your hotel?
- Is there a problem?
- It's just the cash.
I'll have the investment account opened
and get security pick it up.
I just have to deal with it all personally.
- Of course.
- 11.30 tomorrow morning?
- I'll be there.
- OK.
I've been thinking about things and, erm,
I don't want to stand in your way...
You get me?
So you...
Just make her happy.
- Sorry, Mick.
- What happened?
It was my fault.
OK, no harm done,
I covered it.
We're still set for tomorrow.
- Michael Stone, we think he's already got a mark.
- I thought he might. Who?
- Sir Edmund Richardson.
- Of course, who else?
They left the Western Bank of California in St Peter's Square
within three minutes of each other,
not half an hour ago.
That must be the set up. They'll bounce him
somewhere else to close the deal. But where?
If it's bogus shares it will be an office block,
somewhere in the City, if not then a hotel.
- Can't we just follow them?
- No, he's too smart for that.
He beats people because they underestimate him.
I have no intention of making the same mistake.
What game are you playing, Michael?
Something quick. In and out before
we have the chance to work it out.
Not shares. Too long-winded.
And where?
- They've used the Berwick Hotel before,
but are hardly likely to use it again.
- Well, why not?
- It's formal, impersonal, large lobby,
easy to lose yourself.
- Still risky.
But this is a man who likes to take risks.
No, more than that,
he likes to tease, to be audacious.
And remember,
he doesn't think we know about Richardson.
- What about the consultant scam?
- What's that?
It works on retired bankers.
You offer them a bogus job
on the board of a foreign bank,
then persuade them to let you handle
the transfer of their assets to the new country.
- You think that's what they're doing?
- Why not? Richardson's perfect.
He'll be looking to move his money
without the press finding out.
- Smart.
- Yeah, very.
So what do we do?
He'll be expecting us to
follow him and his team,
piece everything together and
gather evidence as we go,
like good little policemen.
So?
So we do the exact opposite.
It was unprofessional.
- How many more times? It's fine.
- It wasn't exactly rocket science.
I only had to keep him till quarter past.
So you were a few minutes short.
We still got in and did what we needed to do.
God, I even offered him sex.
- Really?
- Mmhmm.
I'm clearly losing my pulling power.
Maybe I'm too old now.
- Do you think I'm too old?
- No, no, you are definitely not too old.
And if an offer of sex with
you didn't hold his attention,
- then there's clearly something wrong with him.
- You think so? - Oh, yes.
Yeah, but I was horrible to you as well.
I accused you of being a man.
- I'll live.
- I will never let my feelings get in
the way of business again, I swear.
- Good.
And I'm sorry I accused you of flirting
with Lucy Bitchface, because you weren't.
- Were you?
- No.
- It's just business.
- Yes.
- OK.
- Are we done?
Absolutely. Not another word.
- What are you writing?
- It's a shopping list.
A bit domestic for you, isn't it?
For the con.
Right. I'll just get the drinks.
Oh, you are kidding me.
What is she doing here?
I'm sure we're all about to find out.
- She's persistent.
- She's got some front, I'll give her that.
Two things arrived unannounced.
Opportunity...
- And?
- Trouble.
- May I?
- May you what?
I'd like to talk to Michael.
Well, Michael and I are a bit busy at the moment.
- Emma...
- But luckily I was about to get some drinks.
Not for me, thanks,
I'll only be a minute.
- I never asked.
- Just in case you were about to.
I wasn't.
I get the distinct impression she doesn't like me.
She doesn't.
Sorry, are you two an item?
No.
But she wants you to be?
Is there something I can do for you?
I was just passing,
thought I'd pop in on the off chance.
To do what?
Thank you for dinner.
You're very welcome.
And to ask you if you'd found a new mark yet.
What?
- After your friendly warning?
- Yes.
That would be a little foolhardy,
don't you think?
Oh, I doubt our little chat did
anything but whet your appetite.
Did you do a little speech?
- About not running away?
- So that's what this is?
You goading me into action?
- Of course.
- Is that allowed?
Well, it's going to be quite tough
if you don't do something.
Yeah.
So who is it?
You tell me.
Oh, come on or do we have to
pretend you don't already know?
It might be more fun.
Sir Edmund's such a weasel,
I should probably leave you to it.
But you won't.
No.
Shouldn't be too hard, though,
I mean your plan's not very well thought out.
Nice try.
- You don't believe I don't know what you're planning?
- I know you don't.
- Really?
- Really.
- Then let me guess.
- Please.
A day or two for Albert to rope him in,
a day to set him up,
another for the convincer before...
Take him on Friday?
Or leave it the weekend and go for Monday?
It's still all up in the air.
But how's a girl to plan her weekend?
Oh, I'm sure you'll cope.
This is such fun.
You must let me have a visiting
order when you're in prison.
I'm writing my list already.
Catch you later.
What was all that about?
I'm not sure.
It's me.
I want everyone in bright and early.
They're going tomorrow.
I've just got off the phone with Sir Edmund.
- He's withdrawn the cash and he's going
to meet us at the hotel as planned.
- Good.
Guys, I've got a bad feeling about this.
Yeah, well, I think we all have.
- There is no way she can know we're going today.
- And if she does?
She took the time to come and see you
at Eddie's. Why?
To try and cloud my vision,
get me to act out of pride rather than reason.
Exactly. So you'd be more wrapped up
in beating her than taking the mark.
OK.
Michael, now that you're inside her head,
take a look around.
So what does she do next?
[PHONE RINGS]
Hello?
Yes, it is.
I'm sorry, my darling, say again?
DCI Britford.
Am I aware I'm being what?
Conned!
OK, he's gone in.
Good, I want to see Stone with
the briefcase in his hand.
Hold your positions.
[KNOCK ON DOOR]
Sir Edmund, right on time.
Come on in.
He's in.
Sir Edmund is in.
No, wait. He'll offer him a drink first,
a few pleasantries.
We go in three minutes.
Can I get you a drink?
Not for me, thanks.
You know what they say.
Not until the sun is over the yardarm?
Only the great unwashed
drink before noon.
- I haven't heard that one.
- It's one of mine.
Good, let's get this over and done with, shall we?
- I've got your paperwork here.
- Excellent. Did you speak to the board?
- They were thrilled, as I said.
I hope they realise that finding
half a million in cash isn't easy.
No, but it shows how resourceful you can be.
Quite.
May I?
- Police. Stay exactly where you are!
- You took your bloody time.
- Please, stay where you are.
- Damn con man!
- Sir, please!
Michael, I'm disappointed.
I expected more of a chase.
- I have no idea what you're talking about.
- Oh, please.
You couldn't be more bang to rights
if you were wearing a stripy T-shirt
and holding a swag bag.
At least have the decency to be a little magnanimous.
Inspector.
Michael Stone,
I am arresting you on suspicion of fraud.
You don't have to say anything,
but it may harm your defence if you do not mention,
when questioned,
something which you
later rely on in court.
Anything you do say may be given in evidence.
- Do you understand your rights
as they've been explained? - Yes.
- Put him in the car.
- Not so clever now, are you?
No! That stays with us.
We wouldn't want one of Michael's friends
pulling a switch on us now, would we?
Interview with Michael Stone, at 1.15pm.
Present are Detective Chief Inspector
Lucy Britford and Detective Sergeant Haynes.
You've been informed of your rights and have
refused legal representation, is that correct?
Yes.
Michael, why were you at the
Berwick Hotel at 11.30 this morning?
They have an excellent spa.
And I was thinking of having a body rub.
We both know that's not true.
There's really no point in making it difficult.
You're simply wasting my time and yours.
Why don't you just accept that it's over
and make this easier for both of us?
You had arranged to meet
someone there, hadn't you?
Yes.
- Can you tell me who?
- Sir Edmund Richardson.
- That's better.
And can you tell me the
purpose of that meeting?
- I think you've probably guessed.
- Yes, but I'd still like to hear it from you.
I had asked him to meet me there, because...
Go on.
Well...the truth is
I'm not getting any younger.
- What?
- And I needed to ask his advice on pensions.
Is that supposed to be funny?
I think that depends on
which side of the desk you're sitting.
All right, have it your way.
Perhaps this will jog your memory.
Do you recognise this briefcase?
Yes, I do. That's the one you took off me this morning.
- Then you admit it was in your possession?
- Of course.
Then perhaps you'd like to explain the contents.
Don't let him touch anything.
- So you'd arranged to meet at the Berwick Hotel?
- Yes.
- And you went straight to his room?
- That's right.
And can you recount the conversation?
Didn't you hear it?
Excuse me?
Don't tell me this wasn't working.
Your chaps said you'd get every word.
- Where did you get this?
- From you, of course.
But it's not attached to anything.
What the hell is this?
- I don't know, it's your case!
- What do you mean, it's our case?
- It's the one you lot gave me.
- What?
- Your officers.
- I have no idea what you're talking about.
The ones sent by your
Detective Chief Inspector!
DCI Britford!
So now you're inside her head,
take a look around,
what does she do next?
Maybe it's easier thinking
of what she won't do.
- Come again?
- She's a control freak, remember.
The one thing she would never do is
put her trust in anyone else but herself.
Makes sense.
Especially not an idiot who's likely
to put his foot in his mouth.
What, you mean..?
[PHONE RINGS]
Hello? Yes, it is.
I'm sorry, my darling, say again?
Am I aware I'm being what?
Conned!
I'm afraid so, sir.
I have a team of officers on their way
who will explain things in more detail.
Wait!
The officers who came to your house.
Are any of them here?
Absolutely not.
Hello, boys.
Kev, we need another favour.
Now how did
I know you were going to ask me that?
[BELL RINGS]
DI Pearce, DS Harper.
I believe you're expecting us.
We'll be able to hear every word.
Good. He can damn well get what he deserves.
- What's this?
- It's a duplicate case, sir.
- All the bills have been marked.
- Oh, I see!
Just in case we lose him.
We don't want him running off
with your money now, do we?
No, I should hope not.
- Not so clever now, are you?
- No! That stays with us.
We wouldn't want one of Michael's friends
pulling a switch on us now, would we?
If you haven't got my money,
who the bloody hell has?
Leave us alone.
Bravo.
Thank you.
How did you know I wouldn't
put a wire on Sir Edmund myself?
It was the dinner,
the whole cat and mouse thing.
You like to pull all the strings.
There's no way you'd trust him.
- I still have his statement.
- Yeah, good luck with that.
Come on. At least have the decency
to be a little magnanimous.
- Let's call it 1-0.
- Yes, let's.
So, am I free to go?
Show Mr Stone out, would you?
I'm available for dinner later.
I have rather a lot of paperwork to do.
Ah.
Another time?
Oh, you can count on it.
Here he comes.
Is Lucy Bitchface not coming out to say hello?
- She's a little bit busy.
- Oh, shame.
I'd loved to have seen her face.
- Must have been a picture.
- Yes, it was.
Was she very angry?
Very.
Excellent.
Bloody communists.
All right, she might have wanted to
lock us up but she's still fit, though.
Oh, yeah. Only now, she's posh fit
with a hint of disappointment.
- Yeah, I like that in a bird.
- What?
That sort of melancholy look.
Yeah, I'll go for that.
Mucky fit with a hint of melancholy.
- I have a feeling we haven't seen the last of her.
- Worse luck.
Hopefully, she'll be licking
her wounds for a while.
- Talking of which...
- Sean. Don't, please.
You know, I've been thinking.
- Maybe we should start thinking about getting a pension.
- Oh, yeah?
- Got to retire some time.
- Why?
- Albert hasn't.
- God forbid.
Yeah and I'm not being funny, Mick,
but some of us are not as old as...
As what?
- As others.
- Yeah, easy, tiger.
I should have known better than to try and
instil a little forward thinking in this group.
Forward thinking's overrated.
Old grifters never die,
they just fade away.
Well said, Albert.
So. Business as usual then?
- Looks like it.
- Eddie's anyone?
- Yeah.
- Yeah, it's your round.
- My round? How do you work that one out?
- I got the last one.
- You didn't pay for 'em.
- That's a technicality.
- All right, I'll get the drinks.
- Cheers.
- On one condition.
- What's that?
Mickey agrees to never have dinner
with a woman he hasn't met before.
- Fair enough.
- No control, that's impossible.
- He has a lot of control.
- I have a lot of control.
Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd
# La-la-la-la-la, la-la-la
# La-la-la-la-la, la-la-la La-la-la-la-la
# I just can't get you out of my head
# Boy, your loving is all I think about
# I just can't get you out of my head
# Boy, it's more than I dare to think about
# There's a dark secret in me
# Don't leave me locked in your heart
# Set me free
# Feel the need in me
# Set me... #
[APPLAUSE]
Yes, that's a wrap.
- Excellent everybody, terrific, magnifico.
- So, what do you think?
She is even more beautiful in the flesh.
- Yes, she is.
- Can I meet her? - Well...
I'm sorry, love, it's not possible,
she's got a quick change
- then it's straight off to the airport...
- You will ask her.
I'm sure she'll say the same.
But, you, I am not paying L250,000
to sing in my party.
I'll see what I can do.
Em, that was amazing.
- You think he went for it?
- We'll soon find out won't we?
- Well, he'd better, cos I'm aching
in places I forgot I had places. Argh!
Yeah, well, you know, almost there.
- What do you mean "almost"?
- How's your Aussie accent?
- What?
- He wants to meet you.
- Ash, no! We agreed!
- I'll send Kev over, get your back kit on.
No, Ash! Ash!
Oh!
Kev, Kev, Kev. I need a Winnebago.
- No chance.
- It's an emergency. - No.
They'll throw me off set.
No way, mate, I mean it.
- I hate you.
- I hate you too. Which one?
- Big one on the end
- Tell Sean and Emma, will you?
- Two minutes tops, like I said, we're on a tight schedule.
- We understand.
It's only me, sweet.
Oh, Bruce, hi!
- You were fantastic.
- Oh, thank you.
- Kylie, this is Tamir Abu-Al Saud.
- How are you?
It's a very great honour.
It's Tamir's birthday party
you'll be singing at next week.
Oh, really? Well, happy birthday!
- That's it!
- I'm sorry?
That's what you must do!
Like Marilyn Monroe for JFK.
Happy birthday To You!
Only instead of Mr President,
perhaps you could say my name!
I'd love to.
Maybe I could pop out of a really big cake?
Yes! That would be incredible.
My Father, he will poop his pants.
- He is a big fan also.
- Really?
Absolutely! Two hearts is
his all-time favourite.
You tell your Father
I would love to sing it for him.
Good. You're happy, I'm happy,
everybody's happy!
I also have list of other songs
I want you to sing.
You start with Lucky, Lucky,
then into Better The Devil.
Seven more, then a big finish
with Especially For You.
No Locomotion though. Sorry,
but it was shit.
Er, I'll see what I can do.
Right, any chance of getting changed?
If I don't get her out of those Jimmy Choos,
she'll have blisters the size of Anne Widdecombe's arse.
We've taken up enough of your time, thank you.
Until next week then.
I'll look forward to it. All right?
Bye-bye, bye, see you. Bye-bye.
Thank you.
Well done, lads.
[HE CLEARS THROAT]
Oh, listen, cheers, Kev, mate,
I owe you one.
Yeah, just please go,
while I've still got a job.
Gotta say it, Emma. That was amazing.
- You did very well, my dear.
- Hear, hear.
And he was just rich enough and
obnoxious enough to make it fun.
- Yeah, but there is one thing I don't get.
- What's that?
I don't even look like Kylie.
What? Eh, what?
Sean and Emma are working out very well.
- Yes, they are.
- I think they're a real asset to the team, don't you?
He's going to make me say it, isn't he?
Yes, I am.
Albert - you were right.
That's very kind of you to say so.
And so unexpected.
Eddie's bringing them over.
So, what's next?
- Albert's been working on a mark.
- Anyone we know?
Sir Edmund Richardson.
- Piggy Richardson?
- The very same, yes.
- Who's he when he's at home?
He ran one of the banks that
nearly went under last year
- until the Government bailed them out.
- We did, you mean. - We did?
- Well, the taxpayer.
- Do we pay tax?
No, no, but it's the principle.
So you're saying if we paid tax, which we don't,
then we bailed him out, which we didn't?
- Exactly.
- Gotcha.
He took the bank to the verge of collapse
then left with a pension of half a million pounds a year.
- And half the people that worked for him lost their jobs.
- There we go.
Thanks, mate.
There was a bird in here looking for you, Mick.
A "bird"? What, like a parrot?
- No, a bird bird.
- Oh... A "bird" bird.
She say what she wanted?
Just something about you and
her having mutual interests.
- What did she look like?
- Fit.
- "Fit"?
- Yeah!
- Posh fit or mucky fit?
- I'm sorry, is this a new language?
She was more posh fit,
like, with just a hint of mucky.
- That's my favourite.
- That's mine as well.
Dunno, I just like mucky fit.
Anyhow, she said she'd be in touch.
- Aha! Secret admirer perhaps?
- Here, you're not up to something on the sly, are you?
- No, I am not.
- Can we stick to the job in hand?
- You are, aren't you? - Ash!
- Sorry.
- I'm...
Piggy Richardson?
We had drinks yesterday.
He's looking to supplement his pension,
working as a financial consultant overseas.
And he thinks I'm a head-hunter
for the Western Bank of California.
So how do we get to him?
I told him I felt it was
terrible that his own country
didn't appreciate his entrepreneurial spirit.
Oh, go away!
After all, it was only working class people
who lost their jobs.
Well said, old man!
These bloody people think the world
owes them a bloody living!
- Nice bloke.
- I painted a picture of how his life
would be at the Western Bank of California.
Oh, I bet he liked that.
I think it's fair to say he was taken with the idea.
- So how do we start?
- I offered to introduce him to our currency specialist,
- help him make the most of transferring
his assets to the States. - Genius.
You're Tom Bernstein, an American,
got a BA from the University of Michigan,
PhD in economics from the
Massachusetts Institute of Technology.
And you've got an English wife who's
currently in the UK visiting her parents.
Ash. We'd better make sure the background holds up.
Does the Western Bank of California
have offices in London?
St Peter's Square.
We'll do the bank on the fly first,
then bounce him on to a hotel.
- I'll check out the bank.
- Sean, hotel and working capital.
- OK.
- What about me?
Well, if you're the wife of a
high flying Californian banker,
- you'd better go shopping.
- It's tough, but someone's got to do it.
I'll do my best for the team.
- We'll rendezvous at six.
- Right.
Laters.
Albert, keep Richardson bubbling
with a meet at the hotel tomorrow.
This woman, did she ask for me by name?
- Yeah.
- And you said?
Told her I'd never heard of you.
So she smiled and asked me
to pass the message on anyway.
Remember. The key is misdirection.
While your brain registers this...
It doesn't feel this.
Nice.
Hi, I'd like to book your best
available suite, please.
Just the one night.
- What can I get you?
- Just the usual, please.
[CAR HORN TOOTS]
[TYRES SQUEAL]
I mean, I wouldn't mind, George,
but it's not as though I've killed anybody.
- All I've done is take what's rightfully mine.
- I couldn't agree more.
I mean, the Chancellor puts up
the bloody pensions every year.
- When it comes to me, suddenly I'm a pariah!
- Shocking.
That's what's wrong with this country.
We're so busy looking after the
bloody layabouts and ne'er-do-wells,
we forget about those that created
the wealth in the first place.
Until you went under, you mean.
Well, yes, but it's an international crisis.
Completely out of our hands.
Ah, yes, that's right, of course.
Smacks of jealousy if you ask me.
Bloody whinging, "Look at him,
he's got more money than me."
Well, boo bloody hoo! As far as I'm concerned,
when the ship goes down, well, you know what they say...
- Women and children first?
- Every man for himself.
Well, you can put all that behind you soon.
So you think we can swing it then, this...?
The board voted for you this morning.
- Really?
- Unanimously, yes.
- So what's next?
- I suggest you get together with our people
and discuss the transfer of your assets.
And then I'll introduce you to
one of my colleagues at the bank.
- The currency chappie?
- The very same, yes.
I'm bloody grateful, old son.
- I'll call you as soon as it's set up.
- Excellent.
- I bought you a tie.
- Thank you.
- Did you get me anything?
- No, I didn't see anything you'd like.
How'd it go, Albert?
Straining at the leash. Just how we like 'em.
- Can we get in the bank?
- Yeah, just as long as you're in and out in ten minutes.
- Should be enough time.
- Hotel's booked and we've got expenses.
Good. So are we ready to go?
[PHONE RINGS]
Hello?
Yes, it is.
There must be some mistake.
I didn't make a reservation.
Oh, I see.
No, no, no, thank you.
Seems my dinner reservation for
this evening has been confirmed.
- I thought you didn't make one.
- I didn't. It was made by my wife.
- Rachel?
- Who's Rachel?
- His ex.
- We haven't spoken in six years.
There's no reason for her to
invite me out to dinner suddenly.
- Old time's sake?
- No. How would she get this number?
Well, it wasn't Rachel...
Eddie's mystery bird?
- So you're going?
- I'm intrigued.
Hmm. Would you be this
intrigued if it was a man?
Maybe.
Come on, Mickey,
you don't know who this woman is.
If it was a bloke, we'd be there with you,
watching your back.
- Not necessarily.
- Yes, necessarily.
What's going on here exactly?
I'm interested in the way your mind works.
Like a psychological evaluation?
Exactly. Are you going because you're intrigued,
or because she's a posh bird with a hint of mucky?
- Are you jealous?
- Of course not, why would I be?
- I don't know.
If I was jealous,
I'd be asking you why you had a bath,
put on a suit,
aftershave and the tie I just bought you.
- But you're not? - No.
- It's just professional concern?
- Yes.
- Because you think I might be in danger.
- Exactly.
Would you feel better if you all came with me?
I'll just get changed.
She's late.
- There is another possibility.
- Yeah, what's that?
Our mystery woman's a burglar and now we're out of the way,
she's back there turning over our gaff.
Stranger things have happened.
It's all part of the mystery, isn't it?
Her leaving him waiting.
You've scrubbed up well, Ems.
What this?
Oh, I just grabbed the first thing I saw.
Oh, right.
I wouldn't mind grabbing her.
Michael Stone?
Lucy Britford.
It's her.
- Have we met?
- We have now.
Please.
- Can I get you a drink?
- Champagne, please.
- I've been looking forward to this.
- Oh?
I'm a fan.
Are you a grifter?
Heavens, no.
Though I can see the attraction.
So..?
I'm a Detective Chief Inspector.
He's buying her champagne.
- Well, at least she's not a burglar.
- Why is he buying her champagne?
You know the Government set up the ECD last year?
- Economic Crime Division.
- Where it would seem you're something of a legend.
- I'm flattered.
- I've been drafted in to review your case file.
I have a case file?
It's bulging at the seams. Not that size matters.
The problem is, you've become
something of a blot on the landscape.
Oh, dear. Well, look,
if there's anything I can do...
Well, you could always confess to all
your past misdemeanours and make my life incredibly easy.
I'll give that some thought.
I'm sure you will.
Looks like they're getting on like a house on fire.
Yeah, well she's his type, ain't she?
- His "type"?
- Yeah.
And how would you define that exactly?
Leggy brunette.
- Unlucky, sis.
- Sean, come on, this is strictly professional.
We have no idea who she is.
That's why we're here, isn't it?
Watch his back.
I don't think it's his back we should be worried about.
- So you see me as a stepping stone?
- I'm ambitious.
I catch you, I get promoted.
And this, what is this?
- A friendly warning?
- No, this is dinner.
Before you catch me?
Think of it as a last supper.
The City is teeming with crooks.
There's bankers, MPs' expenses...
Surely you've got bigger fish to fry?
The Bernie Madoffs and dishonest MPs
of this world are easy to catch.
Sooner or later they do something stupid.
Maybe we're not that different after all.
Oh?
I see people like that as marks too.
- Except I'm the big bad policewoman
and you're what? Robin Hood? - No.
- What then?
- Everyone I go after is a crook,
one way or another.
I simply see if they can take it as well as dish it out.
Well said. Though strictly speaking,
it's still illegal.
Your rules, not mine.
I'll catch you, Mickey.
It's been tried.
Not by me.
Before joining the Met,
I was on attachment to the FBI in Seattle.
I worked with the fraud office at Interpol
and have a 95% clear-up rate.
And there I was thinking you were perfect.
One died.
And tell me. Your other conquests -
did you take them out to dinner first?
- No.
- Then why me?
I like you.
You're smart,
you have a conscience...of sorts,
and an audacity that makes me laugh out loud.
Your Kylie Minogue scam was outrageous!
Oh, don't worry,
I'll let you have that one.
My team saw enough to work out what was going on,
but we couldn't convict without the mark's evidence.
And given who he is,
I can hardly see him standing
in the witness box like an idiot, can you?
Shall we order dessert?
- Are you eating that?
- No.
- Why is he taking so long?
- Mickey knows what he's doing.
She's had four glasses of champagne,
a main course and now she's stuffing
her face with ice cream.
Doesn't seem to be doing her figure any harm.
Some birds are like that. Don't matter what they eat...
- Metabolism, innit?
- I once knew a woman who ate like a horse.
Even looked like one too.
Never strayed above seven stone.
Am I the only one taking this seriously?
Absolutely not.
We're ready to pounce the minute things get nasty,
aren't we, lads?
- Let's go Dutch.
- No. It's on me.
Thank you.
After reading your file,
I had high expectations.
It's so nice not to be disappointed.
I assume I'll be seeing a lot more of you?
Why would you assume that?
Aren't you going to be following me around?
God, no, nothing so archaic.
But we can catch up in the
interview room after you're arrested.
I'll look forward to it.
Though I suspect not quite as much as I will.
You can take him home now.
Blimey, she's a piece of work.
She's like a one woman wrecking ball,
look at this lot.
Jamie Elvins, Kenny Bond, Stan Dyson.
I worked with Stan 20 years ago.
DCI Lucy Britford joined the
ECD with a brief to clamp down
on the cons,
which are blighting the City of London.
You'd think she'd be busy enough with
the banks without worrying about us.
No, no. She's a headline grabber
and you'd make quite a scalp.
Maybe we should keep our heads
down until she loses interest.
But we already have a mark set up.
Ash is right,
she'll move on in a month or so.
I'll keep Sir Edmund on ice.
Great. So Lucy Bitchface says
"Boo" and we all jump?
Well, it might be better than getting banged up.
Mick?
I've never run away from
anything in my entire life.
I'm not about to start now.
She thinks she can outsmart us.
Let's prove her wrong.
We go tomorrow as planned.
[PHONE RINGS]
Hello?
George! How the devil are you?
Yes, yes.
I had my chaps send over the portfolio,
I've just been reading it.
Bloody marvellous!
'I'll be there.'
Excellent, I'll see you then.
I'm going to meet him outside
the bank at one o'clock sharp.
Good.
You know why she wanted to meet you?
To prick my ego, hoping it'll make me careless.
- Will it?
- No.
Be careful of rising to the challenge, Michael.
You know there's an old saying -
"Pride comes before a fall."
Albert, it's not going to happen.
OK, if you're going to make it personal,
I suggest you keep it that way.
Which means,
not taking everyone else down with you.
Got it?
OK.
OK, everyone. Change of plan.
We never change our plan.
- This time we are.
- Because of Lucy Bitchface?
- Partly.
- So what's up?
I want you three on the outside,
I'll meet Richardson on my own.
Hang on, I thought I was your wife!
Looks like you just got divorced.
A bit short notice, Mick.
Sorry, I can't help that.
Emma, take care of the guy from the bank,
then from that moment on you'll be visiting a sick relative.
Sean, let's lose the convincer.
I'll do the hotel on my own.
We can use the one thing we have to our advantage.
The ECD are playing catch-up.
We can get in and out,
wrap this whole thing up before they work out who the mark is.
You say so.
It's Harold Holmes, Investment Manager.
Remember, they're not going to buy him
having an appointment unless he's actually due back.
This guy's like clockwork. 12.30
he leaves the bank, back at one o'clock on the dot.
So 12.55 you come into the cafe, do your stuff
and make sure he doesn't leave before ten past.
- Ten past.
- Five, four,
three, two, one.
[WATCH BEEPS]
- I'll keep an eye on him. See you at five to.
- OK.
I've never been divorced before.
Or married, for that matter.
It's for the best.
I don't need protecting.
Especially not from Lucy Bitchface.
- I'm being careful, that's all.
- No, but you're not, you're flirting.
- I'm... What?
- She's pulling your strings and you're falling for it.
Oh, come on!
Is that really what you think of me?
- Does it matter what I think?
- Yes, it does actually.
OK, I think you fancy her and
you want to show her how clever you are.
- Oh, please don't hold back on my account.
- I won't.
Do you, then?
- Do I what?
- You know what!
- Okay, No, I don't.
- Liar!
- It's not funny.
- I thought you and I agreed we were a bad idea.
- We are!
- Then why are we having this conversation?
- Because you're being a shit!
No, worse than that, you're being a man.
- I'm... I'm being a man?
- You heard me.
Right, well that makes no sense.
- Which I suppose means You're being a woman.
- Oh, good. - Yes, good.
- Well, that's that then.
- That is that.
- I'm going to go flirt with a banker.
- It's not time yet.
- I can flirt with whoever
I like for as long as I like, thank you.
- Emma!
Hello, handsome. Buy me a coffee.
Good afternoon, I have an appointment with Mr Holmes.
I'm afraid he's not back from lunch yet.
I know. He called to say he'd be five minutes.
I'm supposed to wait in his office.
- That's not...
- I'm with the Revenue.
Oh, right... Er, this way.
My colleague will be joining me,
so there will be two of us.
My divorce only came through this morning,
but I wasn't that bothered.
I don't like him very much.
He's arrogant and self-opinionated
and always insists on getting his own way
and for somebody who's supposed
to make a living studying human nature,
he knows next to nothing about women.
Edmund! Welcome to the Western Bank of California.
Glad to be here, old boy.
Let's get inside, shall we?
I've got another meeting,
but Tom is expecting you.
Come on right in. You're looking wonderful,
what have you been doing?
Tom, I'd like you to meet Sir Edmund Richardson.
- Sir Edmund, it's a pleasure.
- Good of you to spare the time.
I'll leave you two alone,
I'll catch up with you later.
- Absolutely.
- Thank you.
Come on in.
Please.
You know what?
I'm going to join you over here.
I find desks so impersonal, don't you?
It's not even like I'm the jealous type.
God, I hate that in people!
It's so immature.
But there's a difference between being jealous
and caring for someone's welfare,
taking an interest.
At least that's what I think, but no,
he has to get it totally wrong and misunderstand everything...
- Can I ask you something?
- Yes?
Why are you talking to me?
- What?
- Well, it's just you came in,
you sat down and started talking...
A lot. Only I'm not sure why?
- Oh, well...
- It's just that I'm late for work. You see...
Sex!
Excuse me?
Now I'm divorced, I need sex.
Lots of it.
The trick is to move a chunk of
your pension fund over to the US before you leave.
This demonstrates a commitment, not only to the bank,
but more importantly to US Immigration.
- Makes it easier for us to get you a green card.
- OK.
The problem, as I see it,
is that your pension in the UK
is the subject of some media scrutiny.
- Bloody communists.
- And as much as we want you to join us,
we're keen to avoid any adverse publicity if we can.
- Understood.
- So if you're willing, we have a proposal.
- I'm all ears.
The board have suggested that
we start the ball rolling with
a modest cash transaction.
Something that we'll use
to open an investment account.
I need to give my fund 24 hours
for a cash withdrawal.
How much do you think will swing it?
Half a mill?
That's do-able, right?
- Dollars or sterling?
- Sterling.
That's, that's a lot of cash!
Yes, and like any of the other potential candidates,
you need to be entirely comfortable with this.
Other candidates?
Yeah, uh, the board are keen
to explore other options,
- just in case we can't circumnavigate
your problems with the media. - I see.
But it's your call entirely.
Why don't you go away for a few days,
think about it?
- Well, I...
- It's a prime appointment,
- I don't know how long the board will wait.
- Still, half a mill...
Yeah, you're right. You're right.
I guess the question you have to ask yourself
is would you rather stay here in the UK
and fight your corner or come to California?
Bugger it!
You know what they say.
- He who dares, wins?
- Fill your boots!
Look, I really must be going, I'm late.
No, no, no, don't go!
I want to get to know you better.
All you have done is come in here
talk about your ex-husband,
offer me sex,
now you're back talking about him again.
I'm sorry. I won't mention him again.
Frankly, I think you need help.
I think the board are going to be very pleased when
I tell them we've managed to find a way through this.
I'll call my fund manager right away.
- Excellent.
- Excuse me, Mr Holmes,
there's a gentleman from the Revenue.
He's waiting in your office.
- Welcome to the Western Bank.
- Glad to be on board.
He said it was urgent.
Thanks.
Sir Edmund,
would you excuse me just one second?
- Of course.
- Be right back.
- There you are! - What?
- I've been waiting for you.
You been in the cafe across the street?
- Yes...
- Talking to my woman?
Don't lie to me,
I saw you sitting with her.
- I... She...
- So what's g'wan?
- Pardon?
- What's going on?
Nothing, I was just having my lunch and she...
- You messing with my woman?
- No!
So why you cosying up to her
like that then? Now, look...
Tell me the truth.
Have you been getting jiggy with my baby?
- And don't lie to me, I'll know if you lie to me.
- No, I... - Come here.
See that man in there?
Don't stare at him!
He can snap you in half just by looking at you.
- I can assure you, there's nothing...
- I bet you're married as well.
Show me your hand, show me your hand.
There's a ring on it.
There's a ring on his finger. That's nasty.
What's your wife's number?
- I'm going to call her.
- I haven't done anything...
- Tell her you're messing around while
she's watching the babies.
- I haven't got babies.
- Trying to hook my honey because yours is barren?
- No! She has decided...
No... That is,
WE decided to wait.
Yeah, wait while I call your wife.
What's her number?
You don't need to do this,
this is not what you think...
How do you know what I think?
We just talked!
I've never seen her before in my life.
Look at me. Look at me.
I want to see your eyes.
I'm not lying.
OK.
OK.
I just keep jumping to conclusions,
you get me?
Yes.
- Putting two and two together and getting nine.
- Yes, that's...
Just give you a chance to explain things,
talk things through.
- That would be nice.
- Over there. - But...
- You don't want to explain?
- Yes.
Then wait there for me over there, dread!
- There's always something to do.
- I understand.
My diary tomorrow is a little insane.
My wife's father is now sick
so we have to drive down to Kent.
But I'm staying at the Berwick Hotel.
Maybe you could swing by there
tomorrow morning around 11.30?
- At your hotel?
- Is there a problem?
- It's just the cash.
I'll have the investment account opened
and get security pick it up.
I just have to deal with it all personally.
- Of course.
- 11.30 tomorrow morning?
- I'll be there.
- OK.
I've been thinking about things and, erm,
I don't want to stand in your way...
You get me?
So you...
Just make her happy.
- Sorry, Mick.
- What happened?
It was my fault.
OK, no harm done,
I covered it.
We're still set for tomorrow.
- Michael Stone, we think he's already got a mark.
- I thought he might. Who?
- Sir Edmund Richardson.
- Of course, who else?
They left the Western Bank of California in St Peter's Square
within three minutes of each other,
not half an hour ago.
That must be the set up. They'll bounce him
somewhere else to close the deal. But where?
If it's bogus shares it will be an office block,
somewhere in the City, if not then a hotel.
- Can't we just follow them?
- No, he's too smart for that.
He beats people because they underestimate him.
I have no intention of making the same mistake.
What game are you playing, Michael?
Something quick. In and out before
we have the chance to work it out.
Not shares. Too long-winded.
And where?
- They've used the Berwick Hotel before,
but are hardly likely to use it again.
- Well, why not?
- It's formal, impersonal, large lobby,
easy to lose yourself.
- Still risky.
But this is a man who likes to take risks.
No, more than that,
he likes to tease, to be audacious.
And remember,
he doesn't think we know about Richardson.
- What about the consultant scam?
- What's that?
It works on retired bankers.
You offer them a bogus job
on the board of a foreign bank,
then persuade them to let you handle
the transfer of their assets to the new country.
- You think that's what they're doing?
- Why not? Richardson's perfect.
He'll be looking to move his money
without the press finding out.
- Smart.
- Yeah, very.
So what do we do?
He'll be expecting us to
follow him and his team,
piece everything together and
gather evidence as we go,
like good little policemen.
So?
So we do the exact opposite.
It was unprofessional.
- How many more times? It's fine.
- It wasn't exactly rocket science.
I only had to keep him till quarter past.
So you were a few minutes short.
We still got in and did what we needed to do.
God, I even offered him sex.
- Really?
- Mmhmm.
I'm clearly losing my pulling power.
Maybe I'm too old now.
- Do you think I'm too old?
- No, no, you are definitely not too old.
And if an offer of sex with
you didn't hold his attention,
- then there's clearly something wrong with him.
- You think so? - Oh, yes.
Yeah, but I was horrible to you as well.
I accused you of being a man.
- I'll live.
- I will never let my feelings get in
the way of business again, I swear.
- Good.
And I'm sorry I accused you of flirting
with Lucy Bitchface, because you weren't.
- Were you?
- No.
- It's just business.
- Yes.
- OK.
- Are we done?
Absolutely. Not another word.
- What are you writing?
- It's a shopping list.
A bit domestic for you, isn't it?
For the con.
Right. I'll just get the drinks.
Oh, you are kidding me.
What is she doing here?
I'm sure we're all about to find out.
- She's persistent.
- She's got some front, I'll give her that.
Two things arrived unannounced.
Opportunity...
- And?
- Trouble.
- May I?
- May you what?
I'd like to talk to Michael.
Well, Michael and I are a bit busy at the moment.
- Emma...
- But luckily I was about to get some drinks.
Not for me, thanks,
I'll only be a minute.
- I never asked.
- Just in case you were about to.
I wasn't.
I get the distinct impression she doesn't like me.
She doesn't.
Sorry, are you two an item?
No.
But she wants you to be?
Is there something I can do for you?
I was just passing,
thought I'd pop in on the off chance.
To do what?
Thank you for dinner.
You're very welcome.
And to ask you if you'd found a new mark yet.
What?
- After your friendly warning?
- Yes.
That would be a little foolhardy,
don't you think?
Oh, I doubt our little chat did
anything but whet your appetite.
Did you do a little speech?
- About not running away?
- So that's what this is?
You goading me into action?
- Of course.
- Is that allowed?
Well, it's going to be quite tough
if you don't do something.
Yeah.
So who is it?
You tell me.
Oh, come on or do we have to
pretend you don't already know?
It might be more fun.
Sir Edmund's such a weasel,
I should probably leave you to it.
But you won't.
No.
Shouldn't be too hard, though,
I mean your plan's not very well thought out.
Nice try.
- You don't believe I don't know what you're planning?
- I know you don't.
- Really?
- Really.
- Then let me guess.
- Please.
A day or two for Albert to rope him in,
a day to set him up,
another for the convincer before...
Take him on Friday?
Or leave it the weekend and go for Monday?
It's still all up in the air.
But how's a girl to plan her weekend?
Oh, I'm sure you'll cope.
This is such fun.
You must let me have a visiting
order when you're in prison.
I'm writing my list already.
Catch you later.
What was all that about?
I'm not sure.
It's me.
I want everyone in bright and early.
They're going tomorrow.
I've just got off the phone with Sir Edmund.
- He's withdrawn the cash and he's going
to meet us at the hotel as planned.
- Good.
Guys, I've got a bad feeling about this.
Yeah, well, I think we all have.
- There is no way she can know we're going today.
- And if she does?
She took the time to come and see you
at Eddie's. Why?
To try and cloud my vision,
get me to act out of pride rather than reason.
Exactly. So you'd be more wrapped up
in beating her than taking the mark.
OK.
Michael, now that you're inside her head,
take a look around.
So what does she do next?
[PHONE RINGS]
Hello?
Yes, it is.
I'm sorry, my darling, say again?
DCI Britford.
Am I aware I'm being what?
Conned!
OK, he's gone in.
Good, I want to see Stone with
the briefcase in his hand.
Hold your positions.
[KNOCK ON DOOR]
Sir Edmund, right on time.
Come on in.
He's in.
Sir Edmund is in.
No, wait. He'll offer him a drink first,
a few pleasantries.
We go in three minutes.
Can I get you a drink?
Not for me, thanks.
You know what they say.
Not until the sun is over the yardarm?
Only the great unwashed
drink before noon.
- I haven't heard that one.
- It's one of mine.
Good, let's get this over and done with, shall we?
- I've got your paperwork here.
- Excellent. Did you speak to the board?
- They were thrilled, as I said.
I hope they realise that finding
half a million in cash isn't easy.
No, but it shows how resourceful you can be.
Quite.
May I?
- Police. Stay exactly where you are!
- You took your bloody time.
- Please, stay where you are.
- Damn con man!
- Sir, please!
Michael, I'm disappointed.
I expected more of a chase.
- I have no idea what you're talking about.
- Oh, please.
You couldn't be more bang to rights
if you were wearing a stripy T-shirt
and holding a swag bag.
At least have the decency to be a little magnanimous.
Inspector.
Michael Stone,
I am arresting you on suspicion of fraud.
You don't have to say anything,
but it may harm your defence if you do not mention,
when questioned,
something which you
later rely on in court.
Anything you do say may be given in evidence.
- Do you understand your rights
as they've been explained? - Yes.
- Put him in the car.
- Not so clever now, are you?
No! That stays with us.
We wouldn't want one of Michael's friends
pulling a switch on us now, would we?
Interview with Michael Stone, at 1.15pm.
Present are Detective Chief Inspector
Lucy Britford and Detective Sergeant Haynes.
You've been informed of your rights and have
refused legal representation, is that correct?
Yes.
Michael, why were you at the
Berwick Hotel at 11.30 this morning?
They have an excellent spa.
And I was thinking of having a body rub.
We both know that's not true.
There's really no point in making it difficult.
You're simply wasting my time and yours.
Why don't you just accept that it's over
and make this easier for both of us?
You had arranged to meet
someone there, hadn't you?
Yes.
- Can you tell me who?
- Sir Edmund Richardson.
- That's better.
And can you tell me the
purpose of that meeting?
- I think you've probably guessed.
- Yes, but I'd still like to hear it from you.
I had asked him to meet me there, because...
Go on.
Well...the truth is
I'm not getting any younger.
- What?
- And I needed to ask his advice on pensions.
Is that supposed to be funny?
I think that depends on
which side of the desk you're sitting.
All right, have it your way.
Perhaps this will jog your memory.
Do you recognise this briefcase?
Yes, I do. That's the one you took off me this morning.
- Then you admit it was in your possession?
- Of course.
Then perhaps you'd like to explain the contents.
Don't let him touch anything.
- So you'd arranged to meet at the Berwick Hotel?
- Yes.
- And you went straight to his room?
- That's right.
And can you recount the conversation?
Didn't you hear it?
Excuse me?
Don't tell me this wasn't working.
Your chaps said you'd get every word.
- Where did you get this?
- From you, of course.
But it's not attached to anything.
What the hell is this?
- I don't know, it's your case!
- What do you mean, it's our case?
- It's the one you lot gave me.
- What?
- Your officers.
- I have no idea what you're talking about.
The ones sent by your
Detective Chief Inspector!
DCI Britford!
So now you're inside her head,
take a look around,
what does she do next?
Maybe it's easier thinking
of what she won't do.
- Come again?
- She's a control freak, remember.
The one thing she would never do is
put her trust in anyone else but herself.
Makes sense.
Especially not an idiot who's likely
to put his foot in his mouth.
What, you mean..?
[PHONE RINGS]
Hello? Yes, it is.
I'm sorry, my darling, say again?
Am I aware I'm being what?
Conned!
I'm afraid so, sir.
I have a team of officers on their way
who will explain things in more detail.
Wait!
The officers who came to your house.
Are any of them here?
Absolutely not.
Hello, boys.
Kev, we need another favour.
Now how did
I know you were going to ask me that?
[BELL RINGS]
DI Pearce, DS Harper.
I believe you're expecting us.
We'll be able to hear every word.
Good. He can damn well get what he deserves.
- What's this?
- It's a duplicate case, sir.
- All the bills have been marked.
- Oh, I see!
Just in case we lose him.
We don't want him running off
with your money now, do we?
No, I should hope not.
- Not so clever now, are you?
- No! That stays with us.
We wouldn't want one of Michael's friends
pulling a switch on us now, would we?
If you haven't got my money,
who the bloody hell has?
Leave us alone.
Bravo.
Thank you.
How did you know I wouldn't
put a wire on Sir Edmund myself?
It was the dinner,
the whole cat and mouse thing.
You like to pull all the strings.
There's no way you'd trust him.
- I still have his statement.
- Yeah, good luck with that.
Come on. At least have the decency
to be a little magnanimous.
- Let's call it 1-0.
- Yes, let's.
So, am I free to go?
Show Mr Stone out, would you?
I'm available for dinner later.
I have rather a lot of paperwork to do.
Ah.
Another time?
Oh, you can count on it.
Here he comes.
Is Lucy Bitchface not coming out to say hello?
- She's a little bit busy.
- Oh, shame.
I'd loved to have seen her face.
- Must have been a picture.
- Yes, it was.
Was she very angry?
Very.
Excellent.
Bloody communists.
All right, she might have wanted to
lock us up but she's still fit, though.
Oh, yeah. Only now, she's posh fit
with a hint of disappointment.
- Yeah, I like that in a bird.
- What?
That sort of melancholy look.
Yeah, I'll go for that.
Mucky fit with a hint of melancholy.
- I have a feeling we haven't seen the last of her.
- Worse luck.
Hopefully, she'll be licking
her wounds for a while.
- Talking of which...
- Sean. Don't, please.
You know, I've been thinking.
- Maybe we should start thinking about getting a pension.
- Oh, yeah?
- Got to retire some time.
- Why?
- Albert hasn't.
- God forbid.
Yeah and I'm not being funny, Mick,
but some of us are not as old as...
As what?
- As others.
- Yeah, easy, tiger.
I should have known better than to try and
instil a little forward thinking in this group.
Forward thinking's overrated.
Old grifters never die,
they just fade away.
Well said, Albert.
So. Business as usual then?
- Looks like it.
- Eddie's anyone?
- Yeah.
- Yeah, it's your round.
- My round? How do you work that one out?
- I got the last one.
- You didn't pay for 'em.
- That's a technicality.
- All right, I'll get the drinks.
- Cheers.
- On one condition.
- What's that?
Mickey agrees to never have dinner
with a woman he hasn't met before.
- Fair enough.
- No control, that's impossible.
- He has a lot of control.
- I have a lot of control.
Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd