Hustle (2004–2012): Season 2, Episode 3 - The Lesson - full transcript
The team set their sights on a former African despot, Anthony Mgube, who now lives in Switzerland. Mgube collects old banknotes and very much wants to get his hands on a 19th century US $1000 note. All is going well until Danny shows up with a new friend, Trevor Speed, who wants in on the long con. The team is reluctant to take him on, but eventually give in to Danny's ultimatum to trust him or he'll quit. Meanwhile, Stacie is upset that her bank has charged her £85 for a very minor overage on her account and she enlists Albie to help her get even. In the end, nothing is as it seems. Mickey has a bit of fun with bar owner Eddie who thinks the team are always taking advantage of him.
Double sixes again.
I don't believe it.
Come on. Thank you very much,
do you want another go?
Come on, what?
You're bound to win sooner or later.
I just got a bit lucky, that's all.
Been a long time since
I've seen anyone work the tat.
-Sorry, mate, do I know you?
-I was watching.
Pretty good.
Just got a bit lucky, that's all.
All I'm saying is I'm wise
to all your tricks now, that's all.
-Is that right?
-Yes, definitely.
-The man's got 20-20 vision.
-He's seen the light.
My profits went up
when you lot went away.
I reckon you've been
cheating me for years.
-Eddie, how can you say that?
-Because it's true.
Can we at least have our drinks?
I feel like we've been waiting here
at least 20 minutes.
You've only just got here.
Feels like 20 minutes to me. Does it not
feel like 20 minutes to you, Mickey?
It feels like 20 minutes to me.
-Maybe the man doesn't want our money.
-No wonder his profits are down.
How much would you say they were
down by, Eddie? As much as, say, 20%?
-Twenty percent? That's a bit harsh.
-You know what, I bet it is 20.
-Twenty?
-Yeah.
That much?
If Eddie says it's 20, then 20 it must be.
-Twenty percent, who'd have thought?
-Yeah, well...
no more, so you'd better get used to it.
-Five, 10.... 10 makes--
-Twenty.
-Thanks very much, Eddie.
-Thanks, sweetheart.
-Edward.
-Albert.
-Well?
-We're on.
Do us a coffee, Eddie, stick it on the slate.
No more slates, strictly cash.
-Oh, not again.
-The worm has finally turned.
Albert says the mark's ready.
We're good to go.
Great. So where's Danny?
You were a dip?
No, I was the best dip in London.
You were the best dip, were you?
Telling you, mate, there's no one
like me before or since.
-Oh, yeah, your were that good?
-I was better than that.
-Brilliant.
-Go on, then, let's have a look, show us.
-You want me to show you?
-Yeah.
I'll show you.
-First of all, hang on, you got the time?
-Yep.
Where did you.... There wasn't....
That's good, that's good. All right, yeah.
-Anyway, so who's gonna get the bill?
-When did....
That was in me pocket.
I was sat down on it.
Don't worry, mate, don't worry,
we'll get a check. You got a pen?
Listen, you gotta look after yourself,
ain't you, in this game...
-'cause no one's gonna do nothing for you.
-You don't have to tell me.
You don't have to tell me,
I was scraping around for years...
-before anyone would give me a shot.
-Yeah?
Come here.
Top knowing you, top man,
see you around.
Yeah, good seeing you.
Listen, where you going?
-I'm just going off to find a cab.
-Yeah, I'll come with you.
-Yeah?
-Yeah.
All right.
Listen, we could team up, me and you...
you know, double bubble.
No, I don't work the short con anymore.
-Why not?
-Moved on, didn't I?
-Yeah?
-Bigger and better things.
-Like what?
-I joined up with a long con crew last year.
-The long con?
-Yep.
-That's big money, ain't it?
-Can be.
-Can you get me in?
-No, sorry, mate, it's not my call.
Right, so, someone gives you a leg up...
-and then you shut the door behind you.
-It's not like that, it's just...
-they're my crew that's all.
-Just a gofer, is you?
No, I'm not. I'm an equal partner.
An equal partner
who ain't got a say in nothing.
Shut up.
Listen, forget it, I'm gonna go.
Next time you're in Neasden,
give us a bell.
-All right. Neasden?
-Yeah?
-That's my old manor.
-Well, it's mine now.
Evelyn's caf still there?
Yeah, broke me tooth
on one of her burgers last week.
What about the Blue Boy Pub?
Yeah, still a dive.
Come on round, I'll buy you a pint.
No, wait. Let's have another drink.
-Still no sign of Danny, then?
-He's not answering his phone.
He'll be here. Time we got started.
Anthony Mgube, born in Nigeria,
resides in Switzerland.
Not a very nice man by any criteria
you choose to apply.
His reputation in the army
was for torturing prisoners.
He left the army
and joined the government...
then he fled to Switzerland...
following allegations
of embezzlement and fraud.
He sells arms to militia groups
and mercenaries in East Africa.
He has two main passions in his life...
his racing stables in Newmarket...
and his collection of antique banknotes.
All right. How's it hanging?
Listen, I want you to all meet
my new best friend, Trevor....
-Speed.
-Speed. There's Acie, Stash...
-Albert, that's the lovely Albert.
-All right.
No, he's the lovely Albert.
Legend, take note,
this is the great Mickey Bricks...
con man extraordinaire, all round top....
-Don't do that, Mickey.
-A word, please, Danny?
All right, I'll be right back, Trev.
I'll be back, Trev....
What the bloody hell do you think
you're playing at?
It's Trevor, isn't it?
Trevor Speed, he's one of us.
You're drunk.
-I've just had a couple, all right.
-What have you told him?
It's okay, all right, listen, he's a grifter...
I caught him working the tat.
You do not bring people here.
If there's a problem....
There's no problem here, mate,
no problem here. Okay.
Yes, there is a problem.
Why don't you just lighten up, Mickey?
Lighten up, will you? He's not just some
muppet I found on the street.
-I'm telling you, he's one of us.
-I very much doubt that.
Mickey, you're making me look
very bad here, all right, I invited him.
Please don't make me look very bad...
'cause then I'll feel bad.
All right, I'll vouch for him. Okay?
-We don't know anything about him.
-Yeah, well, I do, all right.
And you said yourself we needed
somebody for the Gooby Dooby thing.
-Mgube.
-And that as well. Look, I'll vouch for him.
That's it, please, for once in your life...
trust me.
No, Danny.
It's all our necks on the line and I, for one,
like to know the people I'm working with.
We'll do this another time.
-Sorry, man.
-What did I do?
Can you please explain the logic to me,
of us going ?4 overdrawn...
and you charging me ?85
to tell me about it?
Well, now I'm ?89 overdrawn.
Thank you. Goodbye.
-Problem?
-Yeah, the man is a moron.
-It's a prerequisite for his profession.
-Come on, don't let it get to you.
No, Mickey, I want you to go
and beat him up for me.
-Are we having a tantrum?
-Yes.
Do you know, he's starting
to make me feel nervous.
Yeah, well, apparently his profits
have gone down since we got back.
Everything's about money these days.
Welcome.
Don't mention Mgube.
We'll talk about it later.
Eddie, this is Trevor.
Sorry.
Oh, sorry, look, one word, all right.
-Principle.
-Principle?
-Yeah, principle, okay.
-Go on.
-I'm an equal partner.
-Yeah.
-I'm entitled to my say.
-Absolutely.
-I got an equal voice.
-Same as everyone else.
Okay, you lot all knew each other
before I come along, all right.
To me, it's like I'm on the outside
looking in.
-Oh, Danny.
-Yeah, it's like...
the kid with the nose
pressed up against the window.
So this, it's all a matter of principle, yeah?
That's it, Ash, principle. Yeah.
I said I'd vouch for the bloke, didn't I?
I mean, I think my word...
should be vouchable.
And if it's not, then....
I guess what I'm saying is,
if it's not, then I'm gonna have to walk.
There you go, I've said it now.
I mean, sometimes a bloke
has to stand up for...
what he stands for.
He has a point.
A little trust goes a long way.
Yeah, but we don't know him.
Well, we didn't know Danny
when we took him on.
Okay.
Danny.
Okay, we're gonna give him a chance
on this one job.
The first time he screws up, he's out.
Cheers, thanks, you won't regret it.
I didn't mean what I said
and sorry about burping in your face.
Love you all.
-So, how do we get to this Mgube?
-His hobby.
He has a world-renowned collection
of rare banknotes.
Yeah, he looks like he's worth a few quid.
Last time, it was estimated at $60 million.
-How many noughts is that, then?
-Lots.
And the way in?
He's desperate to add
one new note to his collection.
Yankee Green known because--
It's green?
Extremely so, yes. It was a new
color process that did not catch on.
But that in itself adds to its value.
It's a $1,000 treasury note issued in 1866.
The head is of
General George Gordon Meade...
Commander of the Union Forces
at the Battle of Gettysburg.
How much is something
like that worth, then?
Only two are known
to still be in existence.
One is owned
by the Chicago Confederate Bank...
for which they paid $200,000
nine years ago.
And I take it that Mgube has offered
to buy it and been turned down?
Frequently, yes.
So, where do we come in?
Now, the second note....
Only a handful of people
know its whereabouts.
Fortunately, I'm one of them.
The CEO of the company that insures it
is a friend of mine.
Everyone's a friend of yours, Albie.
The owner of the note is Anne Foster.
It is kept in her late husband's collection.
But Mgube doesn't know
anything about her?
He knows the second note belongs
to a private collector...
he just hasn't been able to track it down.
Even if he did, she's made it clear
that she will never sell it.
Okay, so we got a millionaire who
wants something and we know where it is.
-Now, what?
-Can't we just nick it?
Can we forge the note?
Possible. But chances are
Mgube knows the serial number.
We'll need to see the real one.
-Which means?
-Getting close enough to the original.
Mrs. Foster?
No, it's nothing serious, Mrs. Foster, we'd
simply like to update our assessment...
on some of the more valuable items
that we insure.
-My premiums are up to date, you know.
-No.
No, it's more a case of making sure...
that some of the items are
in the same condition as...
when the insurance was taken out.
I'm 83, you know.
I don't believe that.
You don't look a day over 75.
Would you like another slice of cake?
Maybe later. Anyway, moving on.
Right, jewelry, that should be fine.
-I see here you have some banknotes.
-My late husband's.
Right, okay.
Always a danger of damp with those.
They're in a sealed cabinet.
Do you mind if we have a look?
There are a few more things
we need for the Mgube con.
But it seems we're short
of working capital.
And then I thought to myself...
who do I know who could
solve a problem like that?
-What do we need?
-I've got a list.
Cor blimey, you don't want much,
do you?
-Leave it with me.
-Okay.
Was everything all right
with your stay, sir?
If you'd just like to sign
at the bottom for me.
Thank you.
The Lexington.
This is Credit Card Authorization.
I understand you've got
an authorization problem.
-Well, everything looks fine here.
-It's just showed up on me screen.
-I don't know why that is.
-I tell you what's happened.
-Did you just do a card transaction?
-Yes, a credit card.
You did? Yeah, well,
it may not have gone through.
Do you wanna give me
the card number so I can check it?
Sure, the number is 4628....
Yeah, I'd like to make
a credit card purchase, please.
Okay.
Tweezers.
Yeah.
Is something wrong?
Probably not....
I think we may have
to take some photographs...
just to update our files, if that's okay?
You must do whatever you think best.
Yankee Green.
-Can you do it?
-Paper might be difficult.
-What about the seal?
-No, I can do that.
-Who does it have to pass?
-A collector.
-Lab tests?
-No, hopefully not.
-Is it doable?
-Everything's doable, Mr. Stone.
-At a price.
-Right.
Half now, half when it's done.
But I've paid money
into the account now, so...
couldn't you just take off the charges?
A reason?
Well, how about customer service?
Or just plain, old-fashioned
bloody courtesy?
I am not swearing at you,
I'm just trying to point out...
that you're an arrogant little man
with a brain the size of a pea.
Hello? Hello?
-He hung up.
-I can't think why.
Right, this means war.
It's ?85, my dear.
Isn't war a little overzealous?
It's the principle.
Principle again. It seems
to be the word of the moment.
-Get your coat, Albie.
-Why?
Because we are gonna get him.
-Get him?
-Hopkins.
Yep, he knows me but you can be
my secret weapon. Come on.
Look, be that as it may, Mrs. Reeves,
we have a very simple system here.
Let me unscramble
the intricacies of it for you.
If you have money in your account,
you can take it out.
-You haven't.
-Come on, kids.
Mr. Hopkins? Harrison Wyngate.
-Please.
-Thank you.
-Let me.
-Fine.
Okay, next step, Mgube.
We've got a contact in
the limousine company he's using...
so we know he's due to visit the banknote
dealers in the Strand this afternoon.
-We can do that, can't we, Trev?
-Yeah.
He did really good today, Mick,
with the old girl.
-Have you ever worked on a long con?
-I've read about it.
Yeah, well, I'll make the play,
he'll just back me up.
I'd rather you took Ash.
All right, Mick, you're the boss,
it's your call, but....
I mean, I wouldn't be sitting here,
would I, if somebody hadn't taught me?
Do not louse this up.
No, we won't.
Setting up a transfer is no problem.
Do you have an account here?
No, not yet but the young lady out there
gave me the forms to fill out.
Once your application has been processed
we can give you an account number...
so you can arrange the transaction.
Do you know how much
you'll be transferring?
3 million, yes.
-Excuse me?
-That's just the first installment.
-First?
-Yes, the company I represent...
has purchased
some land nearby to develop.
So we need a holding account, pay
the construction staff, that sort of thing.
Well, I'm assuming a branch this size
can deal with that amount of money?
Of course.
I've always believed that having
a strong relationship...
with the branch you're dealing with
makes life a lot easier.
Head offices can be so tedious.
Quite.
Well, it'll be quite a coup for you, I guess.
I'm sure your superiors will be impressed.
Well, rest assured, Mr. Wyngate...
the bank and I will be
at your complete disposal.
Lovely, brilliant.
Well, now that I've got him,
what shall we do with him?
I'll think of something.
I'm sure you will, my dear,
I'm sure you will.
-We're calling on all banknote dealers.
-Customs and Excise?
Yeah, this is absolutely nothing
to do with your business.
We've checked your accounts.
Everything seems fine.
Just to let you know, we'll be here
as part of our surveillance.
Surveillance?
Yeah, there's a money laundering gang,
taking money out of the country...
by investing in rare coins and banknotes.
So, what do you want me to do?
Oh, nothing. No.
Just pretend we're not here
and if anyone asks...
then we're just members of staff.
But I can't possibly have strangers
wandering around the shop.
Oh, well, should you decide
not to help with our investigation...
we would have to ask ourselves, why?
No, of course, please.
I'll help in any way I can.
Well, that's super, that really is super,
thank you.
Perhaps you could wait in the back office?
Shouldn't take more
than a couple of hours.
-Hello.
-Danny.
Mgube's car is just pulling up outside.
Okay.
Mr. Harris, thank you for calling back, sir.
Yes, I have located
the notes you asked for...
and I will fax them over this afternoon.
That's my pleasure, sir.
That is not a problem, sir.
The Yankee Green?
Have located it.
Not managed to get hold of
the owner yet, though.
Absolutely, sir.
I'll let you know as soon as I know.
Goodbye, sir.
Excuse me, did I hear you mention
the Yankee Green?
-Sir?
-You spoke about it on the telephone.
I'm sorry, sir.
I can't discuss orders from other clients.
Do you know who I am?
I'm here to purchase
a large number of notes.
Well, maybe you'd like to have a little look
at our catalogue?
No. I would like you
to bring it to my apartment...
in person, in one hour.
Not quite sure
I'm gonna be able to do that.
I take it you earn commission
on your sales?
Yes, I do.
I intend to spend many thousands.
Bring your catalogue in one hour.
Please do not be late.
Where've you been?
-Mickey gave me a shopping list.
-Did you get what you need?
-Yeah, all done.
-Good, I got another job for you.
Cor blimey, I've never been so popular.
Well, it's more of a personal favor.
Go on, then.
Stacie and I would like you to turn these
into proper building plans.
What for?
Much as I'd love to tell you,
it's more than my life is worth, dear boy.
Right, you know what you're doing, yeah?
Silence is golden.
Egg you on when I need to.
Get the hump when you move
towards the door.
That's it, good luck.
All right? How you doing?
Mr. Mgube in? Asked us to pop in.
-What's going on? Same bloke, ain't it?
-What?
Don't know who....
No.
Offer him money as long as
he agrees to sign by tomorrow.
If that doesn't work...
then tell him I asked
after his wife and children.
Good.
Hello.
I've brought the catalogue for you, sir.
This is my assistant, James.
I am not interested
in your catalogue, young man.
I want to talk about the Yankee Green.
Did explain that, sir--
I will match whatever your other client
is willing to pay.
Yeah, I'm sorry, sir--
And give you ?20,000 for yourself.
I really don't think we should be
having this conversation, sir.
Each.
I'm very sorry.
You did say ?20,000, each?
At last.
Gentlemen in this country
I can do business with.
Okay.
So, what is your other client's offer?
?500,000.
Okay, bring me the note.
If it's genuine, I will pay you in cash.
-This is--
-Wait. You got to be kidding me.
Oh, I can't believe it!
Maybe we should have upped it.
He said ''yes'' too easy.
Do you know how much money that is?
Yes, I do, boy.
Come on, we gotta get back, let's go.
This way.
Where did you two sneak off to
earlier today?
Albie went to see Hopkins at the bank.
-To do what?
-lf he can steal ?85 off us...
how much is he taking off people
who can't afford it?
It's extortion.
Maybe, but...
isn't sending Albert a bit like
using a sledgehammer to crack a walnut?
He needs to be taught a lesson.
Right, I'm sure he does.
Oh, here they are.
-Well?
-Am I the bollocks, or what?
Yes!
Price?
You ready for this?
-You tell them.
-Can I?
Someone bleeding tell us.
Half a million.
No.
So, what's next?
I spoke to Ray about an hour ago,
the note's ready.
You can pick it up at Eddie's
tomorrow morning.
Great.
Mate, that Stacie bird is a bit of
all right. Is she up for it, or what?
Don't even think about it, Trevor.
-Why not?
-Why not?
Because she's gonna
eat you for breakfast...
she's gonna spit out the bones,
it's gonna be very messy.
-Tried yourself, have you?
-You could say that.
And?
And I had more slaps
than a Morris dancer's ankles.
-Maybe you're not her type.
-What, and you are?
Maybe.
Police.
-Very funny.
-All right, Ash says you're finished.
A flaming...
work...
-of art.
-Pleased to hear it.
-It looks really old, doesn't it?
-Yeah, I think that is the general idea.
-Well?
-Right. Nice one, Ray.
Don't spend it all at once.
-Looks good.
-Genius.
-You think he'll go for it?
-Only one way to find out.
Thank you, sir.
Thank you, Mr. Mgube. Bye-bye.
Okay, I told him I've located the seller.
Okay, we fixed the price.
I'm gonna pick up the note tonight.
He's flying to Switzerland tomorrow.
Everything's perfect.
Okay, then we're all set.
-What do you think?
-It's evil.
Disproportionate to the ?85...
he and his stupid little bank stole from us?
-Yes.
-Good.
This is the main retail area,
cinema complex, theater district.
It's huge. Has planning been approved?
We're looking at 6,000 jobs.
The council has given us
virtually carte blanche.
-I bet they have.
-Construction begins in six weeks.
-What's the shaded area here?
-Oh, car parking.
That'll cover most of
the current Portway Estate.
And this is the only section
that hasn't been acquired.
Small but crucial. It will give us
the best access to the car parks.
-Who does it belong to?
-I have no idea.
Fortunately, it's not our problem.
We've put the car parking out to franchise.
But whoever owns it, they're about to be
offered an awful lot of money.
You talking to me?
Neil Marchant, Customs and Excise.
Neil Marchant.
Neil Marchant, Customs and Excise.
Yeah, we're doing a bit of surveillance.
Half a million.
Half a million.
Hello? Yeah, it is.
I mean, all I'm saying is
you never give me a fair chance.
It's all tricks and things I can't work out.
So, you feel the odds are stacked
against you?
Exactly, look, I don't mind joining in,
but you've got Danny...
with his find-the-lady card thing,
I can never find it.
Then you got Ash
with his double-headed coins.
Yeah, double tails,
'cause most people call heads.
That's what I'm talking about,
that, all that jiggery-pokery.
So, from now on, you pay for your drinks
like normal people...
or at least just give me a fair chance.
-A fair chance?
-Yeah.
It's not that you're cleverer than me,
it's just, you cheat.
Okay, all right, a fair chance.
Okay.
There's ?50.
Now you take ?50 from the till.
It's okay, look, there's mine on the bar.
No cheating.
-How much is there?
-?100.
Okay. So now we both bid for it
and the highest bid takes it.
-We both bid?
-You got it.
-Whoever bids most gets it?
-The whole ?100. Fair enough for you?
Okay, you go first.
Okay.
-?50.
-?60.
Okay, you win.
Give me ?60 and the ?100 is yours.
-I won, right?
-Absolutely.
You'll get us barred.
I cannot help myself.
-All right, chaps?
-You're late.
Sorry, boss, I had a bit of business
to take care of. We set?
Yeah. Here's the note.
Ray says it'll stand up to a visual
but not if they run chemical tests.
So the first sign of a test tube,
complain about damaging the note...
-and get the hell out of there.
-Got it.
This has to be done tonight. Mgube flies
back to Switzerland tomorrow afternoon.
Right. Wish us luck.
If you're good enough, you won't need it.
Hang on, if I gave you ?60
and you only put ?50 in...
I must be a tenner down.
It's all right, I'll toss him for it.
Right, same thing, yeah.
-I do all the talking, right?
-Right.
Like Mickey says, if he gets out
some fancy testing kit...
-we make our excuses and we leave.
-Right.
The most important thing, all right,
is to look a bit nervous...
like we know we shouldn't be there.
He knows what we're doing
could cost us our jobs.
Let's make him think
he's doing all the running.
-Right.
-You ready?
What's wrong?
-Oh, no. It's gone.
-What do you mean, it's gone?
I must have left it in the bar.
No, you didn't leave it in the bar,
you put it in your pocket.
-I must have dropped it.
-No, you didn't drop it, have a look.
I don't believe it, I put it in me pocket.
I don't believe you.
All right, don't panic.
Focus. Right, let's retrace our steps.
-Well, look then.
-I don't believe this.
Just get looking
and stop with your bloody whining.
Hold on. What?
-I put it in my pocket, I swear.
-He's dropped it, ain't he?
He's dropped it somewhere between
here and the apartment.
We've retraced our steps,
but someone's picked it up.
Of all the stupid....
Danny, you said you'd vouch for him.
Yeah, all right, Mickey,
it could happen to anyone.
Only it didn't, did it? It happened to him.
Can we get another one made?
No, not in the time.
Mgube's flying back tomorrow.
-So we're finished?
-Yeah, afraid so.
Do you have any idea
how much money you've just cost us?
All right. I've lost out as well, you know.
You didn't put any money in to set this up.
Got half a million quid just sitting
there, waiting to be picked up.
-Get him out of here.
-Hold on.
Listen, maybe you'd better go.
-This ain't just down to me.
-I said, ''Get him out.''
Hey, just go. Come on.
-Just go.
-Out, get out.
All right. I'm leaving.
Get out.
Losers.
Hey.
Okay, just put the cards down flat
for a second. My leg.
Not playing cards with the boys?
No, Albert cheats.
-Yeah, he does.
-It's funny, isn't it? With old Trevor.
-What do you mean?
-Weren't that long ago...
-I weren't that much different from him.
-Don't be ridiculous.
-You're nothing like him.
-No, short con artist...
-scratching a living.
-No way, Danny. He's cheap.
Everything's about the money.
So he misses the beauty of the game.
The beauty?
You know, you're beautiful.
Thank you.
-Can I ask you something?
-I suppose so.
You keep knocking me back, yeah.
Now, is it because....
No, listen, is it because....
Is it because we work together...
-or is it because you don't fancy me?
-What do you think?
I used to think it was 'cause we worked
together and then I got thinking...
maybe...
I'm just not your type.
And what do you think my type is, then?
I don't know.
Somebody more like Mickey.
Like Mickey or Mickey specifically?
Well, why don't you tell me?
-I love you both.
-You love us both?
Yeah, but loving us both...
that's just one
of those girly things, isn't it...
when you don't want to shag someone...
but you don't want
to hurt their feelings, either...
so you pretend you're just good friends
and you don't want to spoil it.
So, just so I'm absolutely
crystal clear on this, yeah...
a shag is definitely out of the question?
-You don't mind me asking, though?
-No, I'm flattered, Danny.
Thanks for our little chat and...
no offense.
None taken.
No, listen the deal's still on,
it's just that he's got cold feet, that's all.
-You definitely have the note?
-Yeah.
When can I have it?
I can have the note to you
by 10:00 tomorrow.
-10.:00 is okay.
-And you'll have the money ready?
Do not worry, young man.
-Tomorrow at 10:00, then.
-Good.
Bye.
Muppets.
-Mrs. Foster.
-Yes?
Can I come in?
The thing is, Mrs. Foster...
when we studied the photographs
we've discovered...
-that the note has been damaged.
-Damaged?
Irretrievably, I'm afraid.
Which is why we've decided to pay out.
I don't understand.
Perhaps I should telephone my son.
No, there's no need for that.
All I'm here for is to give you
a little bit of money.
-What for?
-For the damaged note.
I'm sorry, I'm afraid
I still don't quite understand.
Listen...
you remember, we came to do
some photographs, on the note?
Well, the note has been damaged, darling.
The company thought you might
find this all confusing.
?150,000 in cash.
It's a sort of down payment
to make you feel a little bit better.
I just need you to sign this.
-I need my spectacles.
-No, it's all right, it's just one signature.
Right there.
Of course, I will have to take the note
back with me.
I have to call Peter.
I don't understand when it comes
to banks, money, and insurances.
I really would like to talk to my son.
I'm not quite sure
that I understand what you mean.
Well, you've already sold it to me,
haven't you?
Don't you remember?
All legal, money's there.
I'm not selling anything.
Blimey, you're getting forgetful,
aren't you, sweetheart?
I'll see myself out.
Please, I don't think I want to do this.
Mr. Mgube's expecting me.
Mr. Mgube.
-You have it?
-Yeah.
Do you have the money?
?500,000, as agreed.
-And the extra ?40,000?
-Your colleague is no longer with you.
Which means I get his share.
The note.
Pay the man.
It's been a real pleasure
doing business with you gents.
-Something's going on.
-I reckon...
about now.
-Can I help you?
-I'm here to see Mrs. Foster.
-Who?
-Mrs. Foster, she lives here.
-No, she doesn't.
-So, who the hell are you?
I live here, this is my house.
-What?
-We've just come back off holiday.
-How'd we do, Betty?
-Or should we call you Mrs. Foster?
?150,000.
-You're joking.
-No way.
We only had him down
for ?20,000, ?25,000 tops.
Seems the little shit
was holding out on you.
Well, that's what we thought he had
stashed in the caravan, but....
Seems he came into a small windfall.
Hello?
Yeah, it is.
Our favorite bank manager...
must have bought his worthless caravan...
and even more worthless land for....
?150,000 in cash.
Yes, I'm trying to find out
who's won the car parking franchise...
for the new development
on the Portway Estate?
What do you mean, ''what development''?
Let me talk to the Planning Officer.
Here's the note.
The most important thing, all right,
is to look a bit nervous...
like we know we shouldn't be there.
He knows what we're doing
could cost us our jobs.
Let's make him think
he's doing all the running.
-Right.
-You ready?
What's wrong?
-Oh, no. It's gone.
-What do you mean, it's gone?
Oh, yeah. All right. Sorry.
I can't believe you started without me.
Yeah, can I hire a limousine?
In the name Mgube.
It's traditional.
Yes, it's sort of Nigerian...
you know, yeah.
Twelve white shirts, 16 collar,
and a dozen assorted ties.
Perks.
It's white or white. What do you reckon?
-Well, I think....
-Yeah, I thought white myself.
-White?
-Yeah.
?500,000 as agreed.
Did you hear about
Stacie's little contribution?
-Oh, yeah.
-Brilliant, even if I do say so myself.
-Where do you want me, Mick?
-Out front.
I wish I could see his face.
-Can I help you, sir?
-What's going on?
-It's been closed down.
-What for?
I don't know.
CID just dragged a gang out of there.
Con men I reckon.
-Do you have any business here, sir?
-No.
Move along, then.
-Eddie, you look confused.
-Well, wouldn't you be?
Yeah, well, let me explain.
No! Don't tell me,
'cause I don't even wanna know.
Wonder where that little weasel's
sleeping tonight.
Yeah, well, at least we let him
keep his van.
Yeah, we did.
We should have had that as well.
-He had it coming to him.
-Giving honest con men a bad name.
Where did you find the little creep?
Well, he found us, kind of.
I don't get it.
I reckon he's been fleecing
little old ladies his whole life.
-Good morning, darling. Mr. Rice?
-That's my husband.
Is he in? I've got a parcel for him.
-He passed away.
-Oh, I'm sorry.
-I can take it.
-It's cash on delivery and it's ?85.
But what is it?
I guess what I'm holding here
was most likely the last thing...
your husband ordered
before he passed away.
-Listen, don't you worry, I'll take it back.
-No, wait. I'll get my purse.
Okay.
But then he made a very big mistake.
He picked on the wrong little old lady.
Nan!
Hello, darling.
We got him. Yeah, we did.
I tell you what, he's never gonna con you
again and you're our guest of honor.
-Oh, I don't get out much.
-Don't you?
The taxi driver was very nice.
Was he now, you weren't
chatting him up, were you?
-Oh, Daniel!
-I know what you old girls are like.
All right, what do you fancy?
A little glass of champagne?
Champagne? Oh, I'll be up all night.
You will be up all night...
'cause you're gonna be dancing
with your favorite grandson.
Let's have it, come on.
Listen, Mickey, can I pay the money
into the bank?
-All of it?
-Yeah.
I just want to watch Hopkins
counting his money...
into our account.
There is a very wicked streak in you,
do you know that?
Well, there's nothing quite like
getting even.
Nothing at all.
Thanks, Stacie.
How about a little toast, then?
Here's to Granddad, Nan.
Cheers.
-Really, Eddie, you have been fantastic.
-I'm not listening.
-Why?
-'Cause you'll take money off me.
-How can you say that?
-Because you do.
Eddie.
All right, I'll listen,
but I'm not opening that till.
Well, okay, yeah, fair enough.
Hey, I've gotta show you this.
How long do you think it'll take me
to drink three large brandies?
Depends how thirsty you were.
-Under a second.
-No way.
Yeah, how much?
No, I've told you, there's no way
I'm opening that till.
Okay, for fun, then.
-Fun?
-Absolutely.
-No money?
-No.
-Okay.
-Okay.
Set them up.
-Under a second?
-Yep, under a second.
-I'll do the timing.
-Yeah, agreed.
-Say when.
-Go.
Stop! You lose!
Yes!
Will you stop doing that, please?
Yeah, pay for your drinks
like everyone else.
To Eddie.
Cheers, Eddie, thank you!
English
I don't believe it.
Come on. Thank you very much,
do you want another go?
Come on, what?
You're bound to win sooner or later.
I just got a bit lucky, that's all.
Been a long time since
I've seen anyone work the tat.
-Sorry, mate, do I know you?
-I was watching.
Pretty good.
Just got a bit lucky, that's all.
All I'm saying is I'm wise
to all your tricks now, that's all.
-Is that right?
-Yes, definitely.
-The man's got 20-20 vision.
-He's seen the light.
My profits went up
when you lot went away.
I reckon you've been
cheating me for years.
-Eddie, how can you say that?
-Because it's true.
Can we at least have our drinks?
I feel like we've been waiting here
at least 20 minutes.
You've only just got here.
Feels like 20 minutes to me. Does it not
feel like 20 minutes to you, Mickey?
It feels like 20 minutes to me.
-Maybe the man doesn't want our money.
-No wonder his profits are down.
How much would you say they were
down by, Eddie? As much as, say, 20%?
-Twenty percent? That's a bit harsh.
-You know what, I bet it is 20.
-Twenty?
-Yeah.
That much?
If Eddie says it's 20, then 20 it must be.
-Twenty percent, who'd have thought?
-Yeah, well...
no more, so you'd better get used to it.
-Five, 10.... 10 makes--
-Twenty.
-Thanks very much, Eddie.
-Thanks, sweetheart.
-Edward.
-Albert.
-Well?
-We're on.
Do us a coffee, Eddie, stick it on the slate.
No more slates, strictly cash.
-Oh, not again.
-The worm has finally turned.
Albert says the mark's ready.
We're good to go.
Great. So where's Danny?
You were a dip?
No, I was the best dip in London.
You were the best dip, were you?
Telling you, mate, there's no one
like me before or since.
-Oh, yeah, your were that good?
-I was better than that.
-Brilliant.
-Go on, then, let's have a look, show us.
-You want me to show you?
-Yeah.
I'll show you.
-First of all, hang on, you got the time?
-Yep.
Where did you.... There wasn't....
That's good, that's good. All right, yeah.
-Anyway, so who's gonna get the bill?
-When did....
That was in me pocket.
I was sat down on it.
Don't worry, mate, don't worry,
we'll get a check. You got a pen?
Listen, you gotta look after yourself,
ain't you, in this game...
-'cause no one's gonna do nothing for you.
-You don't have to tell me.
You don't have to tell me,
I was scraping around for years...
-before anyone would give me a shot.
-Yeah?
Come here.
Top knowing you, top man,
see you around.
Yeah, good seeing you.
Listen, where you going?
-I'm just going off to find a cab.
-Yeah, I'll come with you.
-Yeah?
-Yeah.
All right.
Listen, we could team up, me and you...
you know, double bubble.
No, I don't work the short con anymore.
-Why not?
-Moved on, didn't I?
-Yeah?
-Bigger and better things.
-Like what?
-I joined up with a long con crew last year.
-The long con?
-Yep.
-That's big money, ain't it?
-Can be.
-Can you get me in?
-No, sorry, mate, it's not my call.
Right, so, someone gives you a leg up...
-and then you shut the door behind you.
-It's not like that, it's just...
-they're my crew that's all.
-Just a gofer, is you?
No, I'm not. I'm an equal partner.
An equal partner
who ain't got a say in nothing.
Shut up.
Listen, forget it, I'm gonna go.
Next time you're in Neasden,
give us a bell.
-All right. Neasden?
-Yeah?
-That's my old manor.
-Well, it's mine now.
Evelyn's caf still there?
Yeah, broke me tooth
on one of her burgers last week.
What about the Blue Boy Pub?
Yeah, still a dive.
Come on round, I'll buy you a pint.
No, wait. Let's have another drink.
-Still no sign of Danny, then?
-He's not answering his phone.
He'll be here. Time we got started.
Anthony Mgube, born in Nigeria,
resides in Switzerland.
Not a very nice man by any criteria
you choose to apply.
His reputation in the army
was for torturing prisoners.
He left the army
and joined the government...
then he fled to Switzerland...
following allegations
of embezzlement and fraud.
He sells arms to militia groups
and mercenaries in East Africa.
He has two main passions in his life...
his racing stables in Newmarket...
and his collection of antique banknotes.
All right. How's it hanging?
Listen, I want you to all meet
my new best friend, Trevor....
-Speed.
-Speed. There's Acie, Stash...
-Albert, that's the lovely Albert.
-All right.
No, he's the lovely Albert.
Legend, take note,
this is the great Mickey Bricks...
con man extraordinaire, all round top....
-Don't do that, Mickey.
-A word, please, Danny?
All right, I'll be right back, Trev.
I'll be back, Trev....
What the bloody hell do you think
you're playing at?
It's Trevor, isn't it?
Trevor Speed, he's one of us.
You're drunk.
-I've just had a couple, all right.
-What have you told him?
It's okay, all right, listen, he's a grifter...
I caught him working the tat.
You do not bring people here.
If there's a problem....
There's no problem here, mate,
no problem here. Okay.
Yes, there is a problem.
Why don't you just lighten up, Mickey?
Lighten up, will you? He's not just some
muppet I found on the street.
-I'm telling you, he's one of us.
-I very much doubt that.
Mickey, you're making me look
very bad here, all right, I invited him.
Please don't make me look very bad...
'cause then I'll feel bad.
All right, I'll vouch for him. Okay?
-We don't know anything about him.
-Yeah, well, I do, all right.
And you said yourself we needed
somebody for the Gooby Dooby thing.
-Mgube.
-And that as well. Look, I'll vouch for him.
That's it, please, for once in your life...
trust me.
No, Danny.
It's all our necks on the line and I, for one,
like to know the people I'm working with.
We'll do this another time.
-Sorry, man.
-What did I do?
Can you please explain the logic to me,
of us going ?4 overdrawn...
and you charging me ?85
to tell me about it?
Well, now I'm ?89 overdrawn.
Thank you. Goodbye.
-Problem?
-Yeah, the man is a moron.
-It's a prerequisite for his profession.
-Come on, don't let it get to you.
No, Mickey, I want you to go
and beat him up for me.
-Are we having a tantrum?
-Yes.
Do you know, he's starting
to make me feel nervous.
Yeah, well, apparently his profits
have gone down since we got back.
Everything's about money these days.
Welcome.
Don't mention Mgube.
We'll talk about it later.
Eddie, this is Trevor.
Sorry.
Oh, sorry, look, one word, all right.
-Principle.
-Principle?
-Yeah, principle, okay.
-Go on.
-I'm an equal partner.
-Yeah.
-I'm entitled to my say.
-Absolutely.
-I got an equal voice.
-Same as everyone else.
Okay, you lot all knew each other
before I come along, all right.
To me, it's like I'm on the outside
looking in.
-Oh, Danny.
-Yeah, it's like...
the kid with the nose
pressed up against the window.
So this, it's all a matter of principle, yeah?
That's it, Ash, principle. Yeah.
I said I'd vouch for the bloke, didn't I?
I mean, I think my word...
should be vouchable.
And if it's not, then....
I guess what I'm saying is,
if it's not, then I'm gonna have to walk.
There you go, I've said it now.
I mean, sometimes a bloke
has to stand up for...
what he stands for.
He has a point.
A little trust goes a long way.
Yeah, but we don't know him.
Well, we didn't know Danny
when we took him on.
Okay.
Danny.
Okay, we're gonna give him a chance
on this one job.
The first time he screws up, he's out.
Cheers, thanks, you won't regret it.
I didn't mean what I said
and sorry about burping in your face.
Love you all.
-So, how do we get to this Mgube?
-His hobby.
He has a world-renowned collection
of rare banknotes.
Yeah, he looks like he's worth a few quid.
Last time, it was estimated at $60 million.
-How many noughts is that, then?
-Lots.
And the way in?
He's desperate to add
one new note to his collection.
Yankee Green known because--
It's green?
Extremely so, yes. It was a new
color process that did not catch on.
But that in itself adds to its value.
It's a $1,000 treasury note issued in 1866.
The head is of
General George Gordon Meade...
Commander of the Union Forces
at the Battle of Gettysburg.
How much is something
like that worth, then?
Only two are known
to still be in existence.
One is owned
by the Chicago Confederate Bank...
for which they paid $200,000
nine years ago.
And I take it that Mgube has offered
to buy it and been turned down?
Frequently, yes.
So, where do we come in?
Now, the second note....
Only a handful of people
know its whereabouts.
Fortunately, I'm one of them.
The CEO of the company that insures it
is a friend of mine.
Everyone's a friend of yours, Albie.
The owner of the note is Anne Foster.
It is kept in her late husband's collection.
But Mgube doesn't know
anything about her?
He knows the second note belongs
to a private collector...
he just hasn't been able to track it down.
Even if he did, she's made it clear
that she will never sell it.
Okay, so we got a millionaire who
wants something and we know where it is.
-Now, what?
-Can't we just nick it?
Can we forge the note?
Possible. But chances are
Mgube knows the serial number.
We'll need to see the real one.
-Which means?
-Getting close enough to the original.
Mrs. Foster?
No, it's nothing serious, Mrs. Foster, we'd
simply like to update our assessment...
on some of the more valuable items
that we insure.
-My premiums are up to date, you know.
-No.
No, it's more a case of making sure...
that some of the items are
in the same condition as...
when the insurance was taken out.
I'm 83, you know.
I don't believe that.
You don't look a day over 75.
Would you like another slice of cake?
Maybe later. Anyway, moving on.
Right, jewelry, that should be fine.
-I see here you have some banknotes.
-My late husband's.
Right, okay.
Always a danger of damp with those.
They're in a sealed cabinet.
Do you mind if we have a look?
There are a few more things
we need for the Mgube con.
But it seems we're short
of working capital.
And then I thought to myself...
who do I know who could
solve a problem like that?
-What do we need?
-I've got a list.
Cor blimey, you don't want much,
do you?
-Leave it with me.
-Okay.
Was everything all right
with your stay, sir?
If you'd just like to sign
at the bottom for me.
Thank you.
The Lexington.
This is Credit Card Authorization.
I understand you've got
an authorization problem.
-Well, everything looks fine here.
-It's just showed up on me screen.
-I don't know why that is.
-I tell you what's happened.
-Did you just do a card transaction?
-Yes, a credit card.
You did? Yeah, well,
it may not have gone through.
Do you wanna give me
the card number so I can check it?
Sure, the number is 4628....
Yeah, I'd like to make
a credit card purchase, please.
Okay.
Tweezers.
Yeah.
Is something wrong?
Probably not....
I think we may have
to take some photographs...
just to update our files, if that's okay?
You must do whatever you think best.
Yankee Green.
-Can you do it?
-Paper might be difficult.
-What about the seal?
-No, I can do that.
-Who does it have to pass?
-A collector.
-Lab tests?
-No, hopefully not.
-Is it doable?
-Everything's doable, Mr. Stone.
-At a price.
-Right.
Half now, half when it's done.
But I've paid money
into the account now, so...
couldn't you just take off the charges?
A reason?
Well, how about customer service?
Or just plain, old-fashioned
bloody courtesy?
I am not swearing at you,
I'm just trying to point out...
that you're an arrogant little man
with a brain the size of a pea.
Hello? Hello?
-He hung up.
-I can't think why.
Right, this means war.
It's ?85, my dear.
Isn't war a little overzealous?
It's the principle.
Principle again. It seems
to be the word of the moment.
-Get your coat, Albie.
-Why?
Because we are gonna get him.
-Get him?
-Hopkins.
Yep, he knows me but you can be
my secret weapon. Come on.
Look, be that as it may, Mrs. Reeves,
we have a very simple system here.
Let me unscramble
the intricacies of it for you.
If you have money in your account,
you can take it out.
-You haven't.
-Come on, kids.
Mr. Hopkins? Harrison Wyngate.
-Please.
-Thank you.
-Let me.
-Fine.
Okay, next step, Mgube.
We've got a contact in
the limousine company he's using...
so we know he's due to visit the banknote
dealers in the Strand this afternoon.
-We can do that, can't we, Trev?
-Yeah.
He did really good today, Mick,
with the old girl.
-Have you ever worked on a long con?
-I've read about it.
Yeah, well, I'll make the play,
he'll just back me up.
I'd rather you took Ash.
All right, Mick, you're the boss,
it's your call, but....
I mean, I wouldn't be sitting here,
would I, if somebody hadn't taught me?
Do not louse this up.
No, we won't.
Setting up a transfer is no problem.
Do you have an account here?
No, not yet but the young lady out there
gave me the forms to fill out.
Once your application has been processed
we can give you an account number...
so you can arrange the transaction.
Do you know how much
you'll be transferring?
3 million, yes.
-Excuse me?
-That's just the first installment.
-First?
-Yes, the company I represent...
has purchased
some land nearby to develop.
So we need a holding account, pay
the construction staff, that sort of thing.
Well, I'm assuming a branch this size
can deal with that amount of money?
Of course.
I've always believed that having
a strong relationship...
with the branch you're dealing with
makes life a lot easier.
Head offices can be so tedious.
Quite.
Well, it'll be quite a coup for you, I guess.
I'm sure your superiors will be impressed.
Well, rest assured, Mr. Wyngate...
the bank and I will be
at your complete disposal.
Lovely, brilliant.
Well, now that I've got him,
what shall we do with him?
I'll think of something.
I'm sure you will, my dear,
I'm sure you will.
-We're calling on all banknote dealers.
-Customs and Excise?
Yeah, this is absolutely nothing
to do with your business.
We've checked your accounts.
Everything seems fine.
Just to let you know, we'll be here
as part of our surveillance.
Surveillance?
Yeah, there's a money laundering gang,
taking money out of the country...
by investing in rare coins and banknotes.
So, what do you want me to do?
Oh, nothing. No.
Just pretend we're not here
and if anyone asks...
then we're just members of staff.
But I can't possibly have strangers
wandering around the shop.
Oh, well, should you decide
not to help with our investigation...
we would have to ask ourselves, why?
No, of course, please.
I'll help in any way I can.
Well, that's super, that really is super,
thank you.
Perhaps you could wait in the back office?
Shouldn't take more
than a couple of hours.
-Hello.
-Danny.
Mgube's car is just pulling up outside.
Okay.
Mr. Harris, thank you for calling back, sir.
Yes, I have located
the notes you asked for...
and I will fax them over this afternoon.
That's my pleasure, sir.
That is not a problem, sir.
The Yankee Green?
Have located it.
Not managed to get hold of
the owner yet, though.
Absolutely, sir.
I'll let you know as soon as I know.
Goodbye, sir.
Excuse me, did I hear you mention
the Yankee Green?
-Sir?
-You spoke about it on the telephone.
I'm sorry, sir.
I can't discuss orders from other clients.
Do you know who I am?
I'm here to purchase
a large number of notes.
Well, maybe you'd like to have a little look
at our catalogue?
No. I would like you
to bring it to my apartment...
in person, in one hour.
Not quite sure
I'm gonna be able to do that.
I take it you earn commission
on your sales?
Yes, I do.
I intend to spend many thousands.
Bring your catalogue in one hour.
Please do not be late.
Where've you been?
-Mickey gave me a shopping list.
-Did you get what you need?
-Yeah, all done.
-Good, I got another job for you.
Cor blimey, I've never been so popular.
Well, it's more of a personal favor.
Go on, then.
Stacie and I would like you to turn these
into proper building plans.
What for?
Much as I'd love to tell you,
it's more than my life is worth, dear boy.
Right, you know what you're doing, yeah?
Silence is golden.
Egg you on when I need to.
Get the hump when you move
towards the door.
That's it, good luck.
All right? How you doing?
Mr. Mgube in? Asked us to pop in.
-What's going on? Same bloke, ain't it?
-What?
Don't know who....
No.
Offer him money as long as
he agrees to sign by tomorrow.
If that doesn't work...
then tell him I asked
after his wife and children.
Good.
Hello.
I've brought the catalogue for you, sir.
This is my assistant, James.
I am not interested
in your catalogue, young man.
I want to talk about the Yankee Green.
Did explain that, sir--
I will match whatever your other client
is willing to pay.
Yeah, I'm sorry, sir--
And give you ?20,000 for yourself.
I really don't think we should be
having this conversation, sir.
Each.
I'm very sorry.
You did say ?20,000, each?
At last.
Gentlemen in this country
I can do business with.
Okay.
So, what is your other client's offer?
?500,000.
Okay, bring me the note.
If it's genuine, I will pay you in cash.
-This is--
-Wait. You got to be kidding me.
Oh, I can't believe it!
Maybe we should have upped it.
He said ''yes'' too easy.
Do you know how much money that is?
Yes, I do, boy.
Come on, we gotta get back, let's go.
This way.
Where did you two sneak off to
earlier today?
Albie went to see Hopkins at the bank.
-To do what?
-lf he can steal ?85 off us...
how much is he taking off people
who can't afford it?
It's extortion.
Maybe, but...
isn't sending Albert a bit like
using a sledgehammer to crack a walnut?
He needs to be taught a lesson.
Right, I'm sure he does.
Oh, here they are.
-Well?
-Am I the bollocks, or what?
Yes!
Price?
You ready for this?
-You tell them.
-Can I?
Someone bleeding tell us.
Half a million.
No.
So, what's next?
I spoke to Ray about an hour ago,
the note's ready.
You can pick it up at Eddie's
tomorrow morning.
Great.
Mate, that Stacie bird is a bit of
all right. Is she up for it, or what?
Don't even think about it, Trevor.
-Why not?
-Why not?
Because she's gonna
eat you for breakfast...
she's gonna spit out the bones,
it's gonna be very messy.
-Tried yourself, have you?
-You could say that.
And?
And I had more slaps
than a Morris dancer's ankles.
-Maybe you're not her type.
-What, and you are?
Maybe.
Police.
-Very funny.
-All right, Ash says you're finished.
A flaming...
work...
-of art.
-Pleased to hear it.
-It looks really old, doesn't it?
-Yeah, I think that is the general idea.
-Well?
-Right. Nice one, Ray.
Don't spend it all at once.
-Looks good.
-Genius.
-You think he'll go for it?
-Only one way to find out.
Thank you, sir.
Thank you, Mr. Mgube. Bye-bye.
Okay, I told him I've located the seller.
Okay, we fixed the price.
I'm gonna pick up the note tonight.
He's flying to Switzerland tomorrow.
Everything's perfect.
Okay, then we're all set.
-What do you think?
-It's evil.
Disproportionate to the ?85...
he and his stupid little bank stole from us?
-Yes.
-Good.
This is the main retail area,
cinema complex, theater district.
It's huge. Has planning been approved?
We're looking at 6,000 jobs.
The council has given us
virtually carte blanche.
-I bet they have.
-Construction begins in six weeks.
-What's the shaded area here?
-Oh, car parking.
That'll cover most of
the current Portway Estate.
And this is the only section
that hasn't been acquired.
Small but crucial. It will give us
the best access to the car parks.
-Who does it belong to?
-I have no idea.
Fortunately, it's not our problem.
We've put the car parking out to franchise.
But whoever owns it, they're about to be
offered an awful lot of money.
You talking to me?
Neil Marchant, Customs and Excise.
Neil Marchant.
Neil Marchant, Customs and Excise.
Yeah, we're doing a bit of surveillance.
Half a million.
Half a million.
Hello? Yeah, it is.
I mean, all I'm saying is
you never give me a fair chance.
It's all tricks and things I can't work out.
So, you feel the odds are stacked
against you?
Exactly, look, I don't mind joining in,
but you've got Danny...
with his find-the-lady card thing,
I can never find it.
Then you got Ash
with his double-headed coins.
Yeah, double tails,
'cause most people call heads.
That's what I'm talking about,
that, all that jiggery-pokery.
So, from now on, you pay for your drinks
like normal people...
or at least just give me a fair chance.
-A fair chance?
-Yeah.
It's not that you're cleverer than me,
it's just, you cheat.
Okay, all right, a fair chance.
Okay.
There's ?50.
Now you take ?50 from the till.
It's okay, look, there's mine on the bar.
No cheating.
-How much is there?
-?100.
Okay. So now we both bid for it
and the highest bid takes it.
-We both bid?
-You got it.
-Whoever bids most gets it?
-The whole ?100. Fair enough for you?
Okay, you go first.
Okay.
-?50.
-?60.
Okay, you win.
Give me ?60 and the ?100 is yours.
-I won, right?
-Absolutely.
You'll get us barred.
I cannot help myself.
-All right, chaps?
-You're late.
Sorry, boss, I had a bit of business
to take care of. We set?
Yeah. Here's the note.
Ray says it'll stand up to a visual
but not if they run chemical tests.
So the first sign of a test tube,
complain about damaging the note...
-and get the hell out of there.
-Got it.
This has to be done tonight. Mgube flies
back to Switzerland tomorrow afternoon.
Right. Wish us luck.
If you're good enough, you won't need it.
Hang on, if I gave you ?60
and you only put ?50 in...
I must be a tenner down.
It's all right, I'll toss him for it.
Right, same thing, yeah.
-I do all the talking, right?
-Right.
Like Mickey says, if he gets out
some fancy testing kit...
-we make our excuses and we leave.
-Right.
The most important thing, all right,
is to look a bit nervous...
like we know we shouldn't be there.
He knows what we're doing
could cost us our jobs.
Let's make him think
he's doing all the running.
-Right.
-You ready?
What's wrong?
-Oh, no. It's gone.
-What do you mean, it's gone?
I must have left it in the bar.
No, you didn't leave it in the bar,
you put it in your pocket.
-I must have dropped it.
-No, you didn't drop it, have a look.
I don't believe it, I put it in me pocket.
I don't believe you.
All right, don't panic.
Focus. Right, let's retrace our steps.
-Well, look then.
-I don't believe this.
Just get looking
and stop with your bloody whining.
Hold on. What?
-I put it in my pocket, I swear.
-He's dropped it, ain't he?
He's dropped it somewhere between
here and the apartment.
We've retraced our steps,
but someone's picked it up.
Of all the stupid....
Danny, you said you'd vouch for him.
Yeah, all right, Mickey,
it could happen to anyone.
Only it didn't, did it? It happened to him.
Can we get another one made?
No, not in the time.
Mgube's flying back tomorrow.
-So we're finished?
-Yeah, afraid so.
Do you have any idea
how much money you've just cost us?
All right. I've lost out as well, you know.
You didn't put any money in to set this up.
Got half a million quid just sitting
there, waiting to be picked up.
-Get him out of here.
-Hold on.
Listen, maybe you'd better go.
-This ain't just down to me.
-I said, ''Get him out.''
Hey, just go. Come on.
-Just go.
-Out, get out.
All right. I'm leaving.
Get out.
Losers.
Hey.
Okay, just put the cards down flat
for a second. My leg.
Not playing cards with the boys?
No, Albert cheats.
-Yeah, he does.
-It's funny, isn't it? With old Trevor.
-What do you mean?
-Weren't that long ago...
-I weren't that much different from him.
-Don't be ridiculous.
-You're nothing like him.
-No, short con artist...
-scratching a living.
-No way, Danny. He's cheap.
Everything's about the money.
So he misses the beauty of the game.
The beauty?
You know, you're beautiful.
Thank you.
-Can I ask you something?
-I suppose so.
You keep knocking me back, yeah.
Now, is it because....
No, listen, is it because....
Is it because we work together...
-or is it because you don't fancy me?
-What do you think?
I used to think it was 'cause we worked
together and then I got thinking...
maybe...
I'm just not your type.
And what do you think my type is, then?
I don't know.
Somebody more like Mickey.
Like Mickey or Mickey specifically?
Well, why don't you tell me?
-I love you both.
-You love us both?
Yeah, but loving us both...
that's just one
of those girly things, isn't it...
when you don't want to shag someone...
but you don't want
to hurt their feelings, either...
so you pretend you're just good friends
and you don't want to spoil it.
So, just so I'm absolutely
crystal clear on this, yeah...
a shag is definitely out of the question?
-You don't mind me asking, though?
-No, I'm flattered, Danny.
Thanks for our little chat and...
no offense.
None taken.
No, listen the deal's still on,
it's just that he's got cold feet, that's all.
-You definitely have the note?
-Yeah.
When can I have it?
I can have the note to you
by 10:00 tomorrow.
-10.:00 is okay.
-And you'll have the money ready?
Do not worry, young man.
-Tomorrow at 10:00, then.
-Good.
Bye.
Muppets.
-Mrs. Foster.
-Yes?
Can I come in?
The thing is, Mrs. Foster...
when we studied the photographs
we've discovered...
-that the note has been damaged.
-Damaged?
Irretrievably, I'm afraid.
Which is why we've decided to pay out.
I don't understand.
Perhaps I should telephone my son.
No, there's no need for that.
All I'm here for is to give you
a little bit of money.
-What for?
-For the damaged note.
I'm sorry, I'm afraid
I still don't quite understand.
Listen...
you remember, we came to do
some photographs, on the note?
Well, the note has been damaged, darling.
The company thought you might
find this all confusing.
?150,000 in cash.
It's a sort of down payment
to make you feel a little bit better.
I just need you to sign this.
-I need my spectacles.
-No, it's all right, it's just one signature.
Right there.
Of course, I will have to take the note
back with me.
I have to call Peter.
I don't understand when it comes
to banks, money, and insurances.
I really would like to talk to my son.
I'm not quite sure
that I understand what you mean.
Well, you've already sold it to me,
haven't you?
Don't you remember?
All legal, money's there.
I'm not selling anything.
Blimey, you're getting forgetful,
aren't you, sweetheart?
I'll see myself out.
Please, I don't think I want to do this.
Mr. Mgube's expecting me.
Mr. Mgube.
-You have it?
-Yeah.
Do you have the money?
?500,000, as agreed.
-And the extra ?40,000?
-Your colleague is no longer with you.
Which means I get his share.
The note.
Pay the man.
It's been a real pleasure
doing business with you gents.
-Something's going on.
-I reckon...
about now.
-Can I help you?
-I'm here to see Mrs. Foster.
-Who?
-Mrs. Foster, she lives here.
-No, she doesn't.
-So, who the hell are you?
I live here, this is my house.
-What?
-We've just come back off holiday.
-How'd we do, Betty?
-Or should we call you Mrs. Foster?
?150,000.
-You're joking.
-No way.
We only had him down
for ?20,000, ?25,000 tops.
Seems the little shit
was holding out on you.
Well, that's what we thought he had
stashed in the caravan, but....
Seems he came into a small windfall.
Hello?
Yeah, it is.
Our favorite bank manager...
must have bought his worthless caravan...
and even more worthless land for....
?150,000 in cash.
Yes, I'm trying to find out
who's won the car parking franchise...
for the new development
on the Portway Estate?
What do you mean, ''what development''?
Let me talk to the Planning Officer.
Here's the note.
The most important thing, all right,
is to look a bit nervous...
like we know we shouldn't be there.
He knows what we're doing
could cost us our jobs.
Let's make him think
he's doing all the running.
-Right.
-You ready?
What's wrong?
-Oh, no. It's gone.
-What do you mean, it's gone?
Oh, yeah. All right. Sorry.
I can't believe you started without me.
Yeah, can I hire a limousine?
In the name Mgube.
It's traditional.
Yes, it's sort of Nigerian...
you know, yeah.
Twelve white shirts, 16 collar,
and a dozen assorted ties.
Perks.
It's white or white. What do you reckon?
-Well, I think....
-Yeah, I thought white myself.
-White?
-Yeah.
?500,000 as agreed.
Did you hear about
Stacie's little contribution?
-Oh, yeah.
-Brilliant, even if I do say so myself.
-Where do you want me, Mick?
-Out front.
I wish I could see his face.
-Can I help you, sir?
-What's going on?
-It's been closed down.
-What for?
I don't know.
CID just dragged a gang out of there.
Con men I reckon.
-Do you have any business here, sir?
-No.
Move along, then.
-Eddie, you look confused.
-Well, wouldn't you be?
Yeah, well, let me explain.
No! Don't tell me,
'cause I don't even wanna know.
Wonder where that little weasel's
sleeping tonight.
Yeah, well, at least we let him
keep his van.
Yeah, we did.
We should have had that as well.
-He had it coming to him.
-Giving honest con men a bad name.
Where did you find the little creep?
Well, he found us, kind of.
I don't get it.
I reckon he's been fleecing
little old ladies his whole life.
-Good morning, darling. Mr. Rice?
-That's my husband.
Is he in? I've got a parcel for him.
-He passed away.
-Oh, I'm sorry.
-I can take it.
-It's cash on delivery and it's ?85.
But what is it?
I guess what I'm holding here
was most likely the last thing...
your husband ordered
before he passed away.
-Listen, don't you worry, I'll take it back.
-No, wait. I'll get my purse.
Okay.
But then he made a very big mistake.
He picked on the wrong little old lady.
Nan!
Hello, darling.
We got him. Yeah, we did.
I tell you what, he's never gonna con you
again and you're our guest of honor.
-Oh, I don't get out much.
-Don't you?
The taxi driver was very nice.
Was he now, you weren't
chatting him up, were you?
-Oh, Daniel!
-I know what you old girls are like.
All right, what do you fancy?
A little glass of champagne?
Champagne? Oh, I'll be up all night.
You will be up all night...
'cause you're gonna be dancing
with your favorite grandson.
Let's have it, come on.
Listen, Mickey, can I pay the money
into the bank?
-All of it?
-Yeah.
I just want to watch Hopkins
counting his money...
into our account.
There is a very wicked streak in you,
do you know that?
Well, there's nothing quite like
getting even.
Nothing at all.
Thanks, Stacie.
How about a little toast, then?
Here's to Granddad, Nan.
Cheers.
-Really, Eddie, you have been fantastic.
-I'm not listening.
-Why?
-'Cause you'll take money off me.
-How can you say that?
-Because you do.
Eddie.
All right, I'll listen,
but I'm not opening that till.
Well, okay, yeah, fair enough.
Hey, I've gotta show you this.
How long do you think it'll take me
to drink three large brandies?
Depends how thirsty you were.
-Under a second.
-No way.
Yeah, how much?
No, I've told you, there's no way
I'm opening that till.
Okay, for fun, then.
-Fun?
-Absolutely.
-No money?
-No.
-Okay.
-Okay.
Set them up.
-Under a second?
-Yep, under a second.
-I'll do the timing.
-Yeah, agreed.
-Say when.
-Go.
Stop! You lose!
Yes!
Will you stop doing that, please?
Yeah, pay for your drinks
like everyone else.
To Eddie.
Cheers, Eddie, thank you!
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