How to with John Wilson (2020–…): Season 2, Episode 6 - How to Be Spontaneous - full transcript

Hey, New York.

It's nice to live in a place
with so much fun stuff to do.

But, in a city
with so many options,

making plans can be
a stressful experience.

First, you need to figure
out what you wanna do.

Then, you need to figure out
who you want to do it with.

Then, you have to set
a date and time, uh,

in which you want
to execute that plan.

This might sound easy enough,
but once a plan is made,

you might begin
to feel trapped,

and... you begin to see your
future in all its banal,



predictable details,

down to the final
handshake goodbye.

And during this period,
you might begin to daydream

about ways
to get out of the plan.

You can say
that you're sick.

Or pray that the weather
takes a turn.

You could also just say
that something else came up,

but your friends will probably
see straight through that.

So, when the day arrives,

you just end up going through
with the plan anyway.

And it's exactly what
you thought it would be.

When your life is filled
with obligations,

it can feel like your fate
is set in stone.

But if you never make
any plans to begin with,



you can live in a world
of constant excitement

and let destiny
be your guide.

This way, you could discover
a funny new restaurant,

meet the love of
your life somewhere,

or see a bunch of cool stuff

you wouldn't have
seen otherwise.

So, stick with me,
and I'll show you

how to live in a world
of endless possibility,

where you won't know
where one experience ends

and the next one begins.

And you can finally understand
what it truly means

to be spontaneous.

Now, if you're not sure what

spontaneous behavior
looks like,

it's easy to find
around New York, uh,

if you know where to look.

This person
spontaneously decided

to create a traffic jam.

It seems like someone just

spontaneously combusted here.

This person
spontaneously rode

their Citi Bike
onto the subway.

Then, they took
all the stickers off

and put them on the wind...
Uh, the walls,

and after they were satisfied,

they spontaneously
fell asleep.

Unfortunately,

most of what we take
for spontaneity

usually just turns out to be
part of a meticulous plan.

This may appear to be

a spur-of-the-moment hoedown,

but nothing could be
farther from the truth.

A lot of planning went
into something like this,

and this whole spectacle

is part of a carefully
choreographed routine.

They may have had to travel
far distances to get here

and hire babysitters
or reschedule meetings

to make it possible.

And if one person
decides not to show up,

it could cause some people
to have to sit out

and tank the mood
of the whole affair.

To be truly spontaneous,
you should avoid anything

that requires a reservation
or tickets

that you need
to buy in advance.

Having anything on
your calendar at all

will create a burden
you have to carry with you

until the day of the event,

or possibly cause anxiety,

knowing that it'll be too hard
to back out at the last minute,

uh, if you,
if you need to.

And no matter how secure you
think your reservation is,

the universe will always find
new ways to disappoint you.

So, Jason proposed
at Rockefeller Center

December 2019,

and by Janu... end of January,

our entire wedding,
vendors, venue,

my outfits, his outfits,

were already booked.

This is actually the contract

I had with Elite Palace.

- Oh, really?
- As you can see,

it was definitely
a beautiful venue.

Um, after New Year's
of this year, 2021,

was when
I contacted the venue,

and I... that's when I learned
that they sold the place,

and they never told me
or any other couples

that they were selling.

And so far, they have my money,

and I've never heard
back from them.

How-how-how much
was your deposit for the venue?

So, up until August,

I had paid $22,000.

Feel like we just got robbed,
and if they're listening to us,

we would just like
our money back,

and hopefully, you know,
everyone else can...

We could find a way
to resolve this, you know.

Not just run away from it.
It's kind of what they're doing.

So if you don't want
something like that to happen to you,

a spontaneous trip to
the beach can be a great idea

because you don't need to make
a reservation to go there.

And the moment
you decide to go,

you suddenly feel alive,

and you go to the dollar store,
uh, to get some sunscreen.

And while you're there,

you see some other cool stuff
that will help you reach

the $10, uh,
credit card limit.

And then when you
get in your car,

try to listen to something that
you normally wouldn't listen to

while you head in the general
direction of the beach.

But then, while you're driving,

you see a store
that catches your eye,

and you get out to
take a look inside.

Typically, this would be
down to here, wider,

longer sleeves,
wider sleeves.

Everything is cut down properly
to fit a shorter man's body.

It kind of reminds me of, uh...

You ever see the movie "U-571"?
It's about submarines.

For a taller person,
you need inseams of 32, 34

because it's gotta
be enough to cover

your full body, or you
end up looking like this.

- Oh yeah.
- Yeah, oh yeah.

so once we conquer the short,
we'll head the other direction.

Wow.

And after you're done in there,

you start heading
towards the beach again.

But unfortunately, it starts
to rain pretty hard.

And after sitting in
traffic for a while,

you realize you have to use
the bathroom pretty bad.

So get off at
the first exit you can

and ask the motel if, uh,
you can use their facilities.

They say that it's
for customers only,

but thankfully, the rooms
are only $15 an hour.

There was still plastic
wrapping on the lampshades

and a bunch of burn marks
on the sink.

And when you look on
the internet about it,

it seems like
they might actually

have a problem with bedbugs.

So, you hang your stuff
on the shower rod,

and since you still
have an hour left

after you did your business,

you text a friend
who lives nearby to see

if they want to come join you

and you decorate the room

with the stuff you got
from the dollar store

while you, uh, wait
for their response.

Unfortunately, it turns out

they were in the middle
of doing some work.

So, you spent the rest
of your time there

watching TV

and staring out the window at

all the other people
who decided

to be spontaneous.

Your girlfriend is really
good at planning things,

but you started to
argue a lot recently

because she says you refuse

to commit to anything.

So, you make a loose plan to

get a couple's
massage at a spa

upstate, uh, over
the upcoming weekend.

When you get there, you walk
inside to ask the receptionist

if they have any openings
that afternoon.

But unfortunately,

it turns out they've
been booked for months.

Um... No, I'm okay.

- I'm okay for now. Thanks though.
- Alright. You're welcome.

So you look up
what else is nearby,

and it turns out
you're not too far from

the world's largest
garden gnome.

She says that she,
she likes it,

even though you know

she'd rather be getting
a massage right now

instead of standing
on frozen grass,

looking at a big statue

of a small man.

When you're spontaneous
for long enough,

you get used to going
to the second-best version

of whatever
you're trying to do.

You end up having to sit

in the first row
at a movie theater.

You can only see
free comedy shows.

And, after a while,
you start to wish

you could do coordinated things
with the people you love.

But, you remember
there's a good reason

you never try stuff like that.

When you were growing up,

your dad would always try
to bring you to places,

but they would always turn out
to be closed when you got there.

This happened so often that

he eventually started
a blog called Closed Places,

where he started posting
photos of each incident

as a way to deal with the pain.

This kind of scared you
from making plans

because they never seem
to work out very well.

So, you just stumbled through
life like a piece of driftwood,

letting the world shape you

instead of trying
to control anything.

Almost every single thing
you've ever recorded

is the direct result
of randomly being

in the right place
at the right time,

and it terrifies you to think
that you could have missed out

on all this great stuff

if you had made
plans to begin with.

But, doing things impulsively
doesn't always work out

the way you hoped
it would, either.

Maybe your trip to get
a massage was disappointing

because you expected it
to work out a certain way.

And the only way
around the family curse

is to become a truly
spontaneous being

and remove anything

that even resembles
a plan from the equation.

How-how-how
do you define intent?

Well, intent is
an operation in the mind,

and it's defined,
in the jury charge,

by looking at events that
occurred both before the act,

during the act,
and after the act.

It can be formed over
a long period of time,

or in a split second
before the act occurs.

Is there a way to prove

that I accidentally
went to the beach?

Well, you'd have to look
at all of your behavior

and communications

before you arrived at the beach.

So, if you MapQuested

that you were going
to a baseball field

that wasn't near the beach,

that would be evidence
that you didn't intend

to go to the beach.
If when you drove,

you were supposed
to have made a left,

and you made a right
and headed towards the beach

without realizing it,
and you can show that

you intended to go left,

but you made a mistake
and went right,

that would be relevant.
If when you got to the beach,

you said, "My god,
I'm at the beach.

I don't want to come to the
beach," and you left the beach,

that would show
that you made a mistake.

You went to the beach
unintentionally.

Everything he said made sense.

But, that seems
like a lot of work,

and you're not sure if
it's worth all the effort.

You always admired
your landlord

for being able to just pack up
and move to Las Vegas,

and it was refreshing to think

that you could still be
spontaneous at that age.

She actually gave you her new
address when she moved away,

and you're sure it would
make her really happy

if you just showed up
unannounced and surprised her.

And maybe you can learn
a thing or two about

the right way to be spontaneous
while you're there,

so you impulsively buy
a ticket to Nevada

to surprise your
former landlord.

When people decide
to go to Vegas in movies,

they usually just seem to
effortlessly appear there.

But, there's a lot of stuff
they don't show you.

These are all
the magazines you can buy.

These are all the snacks.

This is what it's like
to wait for a hamburger

at... uh, fuckin' Shake Shack.

This is what it's like to
wait to board the plane.

And this is what it looks
like when you get on.

This is the cab ride
to where you're staying.

And this is the line
to check in to the hotel.

It was really busy,
and the only room

they had available
was really expensive.

But, you had waited
on line for so long

that you just ended up,
uh, taking it anyway.

The next morning,
you get up real early

and take a cab out
to your landlord's house.

She has no idea
that you're coming,

but the front gate
seemed to be open.

So, you walk
inside the vestibule

and give the doorbell a try.

She doesn't answer at first,

so you wait a second

and try a few more times.

And after that doesn't work,

you go around to
the, the side

and try to get her attention.

Hey, mama! Hey, mama!

But after about 20 minutes
of trying to make contact,

your surprise visit doesn't

seem like it's
gonna work out either.

You had never seen this
part of Las Vegas before.

All the houses were
nearly identical

and set up with
mathematical precision.

For such a carefree city,

there seemed to be
a lot of order here.

Downtown, the streets
are in a perfect grid,

and all the people
seem to be moving

in a very predictable flow.

Everyone stuck to the
designated pedestrian zones,

and the escalators
brought them over the freeway

in a very orderly fashion.

And in the area right
outside your hotel,

all their performers are forced

to stand inside
tiny little circles,

or else they might get
fined by the city.

Even the people they hire
to clean up the streets

are in perfect synchronicity.

And they had absolutely
no tolerance for anyone

that violated time limits.

What happened here?

Can you leave
it parked for too long?

Long time. Since 1:00.
That's why.

After walking
around for a bit,

you noticed you were
close to City Hall.

It's a side of Las Vegas
you also never see in movies.

And since you had
nothing else planned,

you decide to drop in.

They had a bunch of
stuff on the agenda,

but it was hard after a while

to tell what was
actually important.

The main event of the afternoon

was a birthday
recognition ceremony

for a beloved
city councilman.

And they even surprised him
with a full mariachi band

that played on the floor
of the council chamber.

It looked like it really
surprised everyone,

even though it must have
taken a lot of planning

to make something
like this possible.

Then as you were leaving,

you happen to pass by
the City Marriage Bureau.

You know that Vegas is famous
for impulsive weddings,

and you thought maybe you
could find some people there

who were just as
spontaneous as you.

So, how long have you been
planning to get married?

Oh, we've been
together 25 years.

We thought it
was about time.

- Oh, really?
- Yeah.

You thought that maybe
you had talked to the wrong couple,

but the more you asked around,

the more it seemed like they,

uh, weren't an exception.

How-how long have you been
planning to get married?

I think, what,
since last night?

- No, it's...
- No.

We've known each other
since junior high.

He proposed four
and a half years ago, and...

We've been married
15 years in November,

and so we wanted to do
our renewal this year.

We renewed our vows after
26 years of marriage.

- Oh, really?
- Yes.

You two...
You guys didn't just meet?

- No.
- No. No, no.

No, 31 years ago,
we met.

Oh... Okay...

So, if you can't find

what you're looking for
at the chapels,

go back downtown
to the casinos,

which might be the last place

you're guaranteed
to find evidence

of truly spontaneous behavior.

But when you get in there,
it seems like

people just plant
themselves in one place

for hours at a time,

playing the same game
without any interruption,

hoping that things will
eventually just...

go their way.

Do you believe in kind of luck at all?

Not really, no.

You know these are fixed.
Nobody's gonna win big here.

It all depends on the, uh...

the... What do you
call it around you?

The vibes you have,

if you have enough sleep,

if you feel good,
if you're not tired,

uh... such and such and such.

- How do you feel right now?
- I feel good. Yeah.

You try to play a
couple of games yourself,

but all you did

was end up
wasting money

that you didn't want to spend.

And after a while,

you begin to question

whether or not you'll ever
be able to break this curse.

Do some people have
like strategies

to, to kind of increase
their chances?

Yeah, they
think they do!

They think they do,

and we love it. You know...

Being a casino host,
you kind of love it

because it's just
gonna make them think

- they're invincible.
- Don't you love it when a guy goes,

"I got a new strategy
for roulette?" I'm like,

bring it on, sir.

Some people are
natural-born losers.

No matter what they do,
they just can't win.

And it's whether
they're betting sports,

playing poker, blackjack,
slots, they just can't win.

They just... No matter
what they do,

they have no luck.
And if they do win,

if they do win,
they blow it...

They can't wait to get back
and blow it all back.

It's just, that's, that's...

I've seen it year after year,

week after week, day
after day. It's crazy.

Maybe it's
naive to think

that luck will always guide
you to the right place.

And even if you want
to control your destiny,

there will always be
some invisible force

stopping that from happening.

So, you just go back
to your room

and watch the same old TV shows

instead of trying
something new,

and spend the rest of the night

thinking about all the things
that got you here.

The next morning,
you were walking around,

trying to make the best
of the time you have left,

but, unfortunately, your
visit happened to coincide

with one of
the worst heat waves

in the history of Las Vegas.

And you seem to be
the only person left

walking around on the sidewalk.

You started feeling
really dehydrated

and needed some
air conditioning,

so you walk into
the first open door

you can find to
get some relief.

And when you start
to look around,

it seems like you've
just walked into

the middle of an event.

You see a bunch of
signage everywhere

for something called MPI,

but you don't know
what any of it means.

What does MPI stand for?

Meeting Professionals
International.

And as you continued talking,

you realized that you had
actually just walked into

a convention for
convention planners.

There were plans about making
plans with other plans.

Plans for days,

as far as the eye could see.

They had a lot of food.

There were dozens
of places to chill.

And Usher was even there,

and you wondered what
kind of person it takes

to be part of
something like this.

Everything that you do in life,

if you don't have
a well-executed plan,

it's fraught for failure.
The better your plan,

the better the meeting's
gonna be, the better event,

And I love it when you see
a plan put together,

and it comes together
months later,

exactly as you thought.

I always have a POA,
plan of action,

and a backup plan. If that
one doesn't go as planned,

I know what
I'm gonna do next, so.

I think just being brought up
in the meetings business

and working in it so long,

you just always have
another avenue to go down

in case you hit a roadblock.

Whenever you're
having a bad day,

pop in your,
uh, your AirPods,

turn on your favorite
rock tune, and start,

you know, thinking about ways
you can drum up new business

and how you walk to the beat
of a different drum.

That gives you fuel.
That gives you motivation.

That gives you...
That gets you fired up.

Woo! Woo! Woo!

Everyone here
seemed so much happier

than all the other people
that you met at the casinos,

and you envied
the confidence they had

in organizing such
complicated events.

You even happened to meet
the guy who actually planned

the whole convention
for convention planners.

And even with
the amount of pressure

he must have felt,

he was still one of
the most centered people

you had ever met.

He even invited you
to a big party

they were having that
evening to celebrate

all the successful plans
they've made over the years.

They had really thought
of everything,

and it made you realize

how good things can get

when you commit to something.

And when you're
getting a drink,

you actually run into someone

who works for the resort

that you tried to
get a massage at.

You tell him all about
what happened to you,

and he just laughs

and tells you to call
ahead next time.

And at one point you
saw a couple of people

jump into the pool,

which you didn't expect
to happen at all.

But after a few seconds,

a bunch of other
people joined them,

and they all started, uh, uh,
synchronized swimming.

Even though it was clearly
planned well in advance,

it still created a wave

of genuine excitement
across the crowd.

I stayed there for hours,

drinking as much shitty beer

as I possibly could.

It was honestly one of
the most fun parties

I've ever been to.

And it was all because
they had a plan.

So the next morning,

you track down your
landlord's phone number

and call her to tell her
that you're in town.

It turns out she was
busy at the moment,

but you make a plan

to meet up later
that afternoon.

She's really happy to see you,

and she gives you a big hug
when you show up.

She shows you around
her new house,

which has a bunch of big rooms

and places for stuff
that she likes to make.

She even has a nice
little backyard, too,

where she plants stuff
and gets to relax.

And before you know it,

you've settled back into

the same old routines.

And she does your laundry so

you don't have
to go back home

with any dirty clothes.

Maybe it's okay to have a plan

because otherwise, the people
that depend on them

won't be able to
enjoy your company.

And at the end of the day,

no matter how spontaneous
you think you're being,

your heart may have
had a plan all along.

- I'm gonna miss you.
- I love you.

- I love you, too.
- And I hope I see you.

I know. I see you soon.

It was nice to get back
to New York though,

where it still feels like
anything is possible.

You missed the sound
of the train and

all the different places
it can take you,

even if you're not sure
which way you're going.

Where's it going?

Oh shit.

When you live in a place
with so many possibilities,

it can feel like you're doing

the wrong thing all the time.

But as long as you're
open to surprises,

the city will never
let you down.

So, don't worry about
planning too much

because you'll always end up
somewhere you didn't expect,

whether you like it or not.

This is John Wilson.

Thank you so much for watching.