How to with John Wilson (2020–…): Season 2, Episode 2 - How to Appreciate Wine - full transcript

John Wilson:
Hey, New York.

When you go to a party,

you never want to
show up empty-handed.

There are a lot of
different things

that you can bring to
express your gratitude

for having been
invited somewhere.

But if you're not careful,

you can totally
misjudge the event

and, and, and bring something
completely inappropriate.

And then, you'll
just be embarrassed

that you even tried to do
something nice to begin with.



But the universal expectation

is that you'll show up
with a bottle of wine.

This may seem like
a simple task,

but if you don't know
anything about wine,

making a selection can be
a confusing experience.

And if you make the mistake of
asking for a recommendation,

you usually receive,
uh, a response like this.

So here, we have a Chablis.

This is a Premier Cru.
So, there are nine Grand Crus

and 14 Premier Crus
in this area.

Uh, these tannins
are fantastic,

especially when you
have some very bold...

big foods, you know?

Jumilla is interesting.



They grow a grape
called Monastrell.

But not all bruts
are the same.

You have sort of a vegetal
characteristic to them.

We always joke around
in the industry, you know,

could you imagine that you
were in a place like Pomerol,

and the folks in Pauillac said,

"Hey! Were are you at
the Gran Cru meeting?"

And they say,
"What meeting?"
"Oh, too bad!"

You know,
the wines in Pomerol

are very, very good, and
they should be considered...

Wilson: And at that point,
you're half an hour
late to the party.

So, you just grab something
at random with a nice label

and bring it to
your friend's house

and put it with the rest
of the other bottles.

You try to have a good time
like everybody else,

but you can't help
but wonder why your bottle

is always the last one picked,

and you wish you knew
what you did wrong.

The world of wine may feel
like an exclusive club

with a thousand
passwords to enter.

But maybe if you learned
a thing or two,

you'd never be stressed
about wine ever again.

So, stick with me and I'll show
you how to convince anyone

that you know a thing
or two about wine.

Now, a good first step

is to learn a few select words

of, of wine vocabulary,

so you can sound like you know
what you're talking about.

Uh, a dry white
is a white wine

with low sugar content
like a Chardonnay.

If a wine coats your mouth
after drinking it,

you can say it has
an oily finish.

A popular kind of
red wine is a pinot.

And a natural wine is made
with as few steps as possible

between harvesting
and consumption.

Straight from the source.

The legs are the drops

that form along
the edge of your glass

after you swirl it
around a bit.

Some legs are a little
hard to interpret,

but if you're afraid
of saying the wrong thing

when describing them,
you can always just say,

nice legs,

and everyone will accept that
as an appropriate response.

Nice legs.

Nice legs.

Nice ones.

Supposedly,
the older a wine gets,

the better it tastes.

And a lot of the best ones
have aged for decades.

But if you're nervous about
consuming a piece of history,

a good idea is to
train with someone

who's made a hobby out of
eating really old stuff.

MRE Man:
This is essentially
every generation

of long-range patrol ration,

up until about the mid-1980s.

The experience of eating
really old, expired food

-can go several ways.
-Wilson: Mm-hmm.

If you eat something
that is really rancid

and the oils have gone off end,

it has this
very odd sensation

that I'd never
experienced in my life

up until the point
of eating something

that's really old like that.
And that is a numbness.

So, the whole inside
of your mouth,

your tongue,
your throat, your gums,

all that will go completely numb
and you can't really feel it,

and it feels like your tongue
is swelling a little bit.

This is going to be
most likely mid-1960s,

'64, '65.

So, this is definitely
a Vietnam-era ration.

Wilson:
Okay.

The back part here.

Wilson:
Wow...

This is the main entree
for the ration.

It is vacuum-sealed.

Wilson:
What is it?

Beef with rice.

Wilson:
Oh, okay.

MRE Man:
And that feels to be
in great condition.

Wilson:
Okay.

Hey, how's it going? I'm John.

Woman:
Squirrel is not good,

-I wouldn't recommend it.
-Wilson: Um...

I drank a SlimFast
that came from Big Lots.

It was expired,
and I bought it expired.

It was expired
at the grocery--
at the store.

And, um, so it stayed in
my refrigerator for a while,

and I took it to work one day,
and I drank the whole thing,

and it was full of rust,
and it made me really sick.

-Wilson: Oh, no.
-I had the worst headache.

I had to go home
sick that day.

♪ ♪

MRE Man:
You see, the rice is sort of
swimming in the liquid now.

That does not look
the best.

So, it has sort of a...
a mustiness.

-Wilson: Musty?
-Yeah, a little bit.

It tastes cardboard-like,

I would explain it.

Sort of a, a paper-type
taste to it.

Wilson:
When you're consuming
a rare treat,

make sure to take note of
every flavor and sensation,

so everyone knows
how much pleasure

you're getting out of it.

It still has
a meaty chew to it.

One of those bites I had
had a, had a--

was sort of a grisly piece
in it, too, so I, I--

I don't think they were
really that concerned

about how good of quality meat

they were giving
the soldiers anyway.

Like, you know,
they were kind of just
grounding it all up

and not really caring what
they were putting in there.

Wilson: Wait, yeah,
I, I think I just...

I think I found one of
the grisly pieces of meat.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.
They're in there.

Wilson:
That's not bad.

If it's completely edible
and you can finish it,

-it doesn't get
any better than that.
-Wilson: Wow.

Now that you're comfortable
consuming old stuff,

the next step is to learn
how to use your nose

to enhance the whole
experience.

So, practice with someone

who's a little more
advanced than you.

A lot of dark fruits,
some... plum.

Maybe a little oak.

Wilson:
It seems like being able
to smell the ingredients

is, is a big part of it.

And it's easier than you
think to get it wrong.

Wow. Uh...

Melon?

What do you smell?

Wilson: Yeah,
I'll go with that.

You see how easy
it is to influence?

I don't smell no damn melon!

I don't smell anything!
See how easy--

See how easy it is to
fool somebody in, in wine?

I don't smell--
All I smell is alcohol.

Wilson:
So, to avoid being
completely humiliated,

it's a good idea to try to
sharpen your sense of smell.

Thankfully, New York
is a carnival of aromas,

and the more exotic
you can find,

the more sophisticated
your nose will become.

Smell that.

Can you smell that?

Ooh! Two-for-one.

But after a while,

you start to run out
of new things to smell.

So, you gotta find new
smells in different places

that you didn't
think of before.

Can I smell some of the bread?

Wilson:
Uh, nothing.

What does that stuff smell like?

Wilson:
Cool.

Does, does, like,
does the wood
have a scent at all?

Uh, not that I know of.
I don't believe so.

-Wilson: Oh, so it's odorless.
-Yes.

-Wilson: Oh...
-Some bowling balls do
actually have scents.

-Wilson: Really?
-Yeah.

This one smells like
orange coffee cake.

-Wilson:
That smells like orange?
-Yes, sir.

Wilson:
Like, was there a demand for,
for a smelly bowling ball?

No, it's just their
trademark thing.

It's kinda what
they're known for.

You know, it's what, what's
unique about that company

is they decide to do that.
And it's just...

Most people tend to
like it, you know?

Wilson:
You've never smelled
anything quite like it before.

So, if you wanna become
a master of scent,

you gotta go straight
to the source.

♪ ♪

Storm Bowling Rep:
We're at the
manufacturing plant

for Storm Bowling Products,
and we're actually
the only company

that manufactures bowling balls

with fragrance in
the cover stock.

The scent is already
in those tubes,

in that liquid cover stock
right now as it's being poured.

And then in about 10 minutes,

it will actually
get hard enough

for us to take out of the mold
and put 'em on the rack here

-just to cure a little bit.
-Oh!

And here,
look who we have here.

-Wilson: Oh my goodness.
-Rep: This is the owner,
Bill Chrisman.

This is just posters
and things we've done,

articles on me.

This is a Pepsi ball
I built for Pepsi.

-Wilson: Who's this guy?
-That's Jack Daniels.

Rep:
So we'll basically keep
firing these balls in here,

and you can see they come out.

There's some buffing wheels
and some compound in there.

The citrus fragrances,
there's lemon, there's caramel,

there's coffee cake,
there's orange.

It'll match the color,
and we try and match

the theme of the bowling ball.

-It goes along with
the marketing theme as well.
-Wilson: Wow.

- Ooh, yeah.
- Rep: Yeah?

Wilson: That smells
like a cherry Coke.

Yeah, like
a cherry Coke almost.

-It does.
-Yeah.

-See that right there?
That's a poster we did.
-Wilson: Uh-huh.

-Chrisman: Okay?
Right here. See this?
-Wilson: Okay. Uh-huh.

Chrisman:
We had 30-plus phone calls,

50- or 60-plus emails.

-Wilson: Oh, really?
Just for that?
-Chrisman: Yeah.

-It's pornographic.
-Wilson: Um...

He continued the tour
in, in the lobby,

but, uh, when
he was talking to you,

one of his employees
walked in, uh,

with a, a special treat.

What are you
drinking right there?

Wilson: Oh.
What does it taste like?

Wilson:
He had a whole flight of them

that he was gonna
try his at desk,

and it seemed like
more of a lifestyle

than, than just a drink to him.

I drink Rockstars
and hang out, and,

you know, we go
to Rockstar events like,
you know, they do...

they do a lot of off-road
stuff like out in Tooele

and places like that.
So, yeah, we go
to different events

where Rockstar's
kinda sponsored.

Wilson:
Wow.

♪ ♪

You used to drink energy
drinks all the time,

and you remember
really liking it.

You didn't have to study
anything to enjoy them,

and making a selection
was always effortless.

But as you got older, you
stopped drinking them entirely

because you felt
like your taste

needed to evolve
for some reason.

It's been a long time
since you've had one,

and you kind of wish
that drinking wine

could be this simple.

But since you've worked so
hard to educate yourself,

you might as well put it to use

at a wine tasting on a boat,

uh, where you should hopefully
be able to fit right in.

You settle down and get a spot
with a good view of the city,

and you're excited
to finally show off

everything that you learned.

And they said,
"What Grand Cru meeting?"

Because I guess
the people from...

Pau-- from Pauillac...

because their stuff
isn't Grand Cru.

-No, theirs is all Grand Cru.
-Wilson: Oh, the other way...

It's the other way
around in Pomerol.

Pomerol has no
Grand Cru.

Wilson:
Okay, I mixed it up.

And when they bought you
a few different kinds of wine,

you, you still don't really
know how to describe them.

So instead,
you just end up agreeing

with what everyone else says.

First thing I always smell
with Kerner is that almond.

-Yes. Absolutely.
-You get that almond,
almond smell.

-Wilson: Uh-huh.
-And then you get, you get

this kind of sage and alp--

-Alpine notes.
-Wilson: Alpine.

-Notes of the,
of the woods, and the...
-Wilson: Yeah.

And it seemed like the more
you agreed with everyone,

the more they treated you
like one of their own.

It felt kind of weird
lying to these people,

but maybe there's just
some part of you

that always
just wants to fit in.

No matter what.

♪ ♪

In my first week of college,

I was looking to make friends,
and someone in my dorm room

told me that it was cool to
join an a cappella group.

I was really suggestible,

and all I needed
was a single person

to tell me what to do.

So, the next morning,
I went to tryouts

and actually made it
into one of the groups.

They were called
the

and we sang mostly
classic rock songs.

I immediately thought
it was kind of lame,

and I kept thinking
of ways to leave.

But the people in the group
kept reassuring me

that what we were
doing was cool,

uh, so I stayed.

Even though I made a few
really good friends there,

I was kind of embarrassed
the whole time.

And then one day,
we were invited

to an a cappella
summit in Albany

that was hosted by a group that
we had never heard of before.

And the whole thing took place

in a windowless building
called The Egg.

The event was called
A Cappella Innovations,

and it was hosted
by a man named Keith.

He didn't have any
background in a cappella,

but his bio said that
he was one of the world's

top three problem solvers.

Whatever that meant.

He lurked around
the venue all weekend,

giving lofty speeches

about the transformative
power of a cappella.

And at one point,
even asked us

for our Social Security
numbers for some reason.

This is some of the only
existing video of the event,

and I'm actually in it,
right, right there.

The master of ceremonies was
a woman named Allison Mack,

who I knew from that
TV show "Smallville,"

even, even though I had
never watched it.

I think the value of
a cappella in the world

is it's just, it's another
form of human expression.

It's another example
of the beauty

that we can build
as human beings.

Wilson:
They were using
this event to premiere

their own a cappella group
called Simply Human,

which we were all
supposed to be in awe of.

♪ You walk the streets
for money... ♪

Wilson:
I can tell that they were

horrible watching it back now,

but for some reason,
in the moment,

I genuinely thought
they were just as good

as they said they were.

♪ Roxanne! ♪

♪ You don't have to
sell your body to the night ♪

Wilson: When we finally
had some downtime,

we decided to Google Keith

and everyone there
for the first time.

Their organization was
something called NXIVM,

and Keith was on a bunch
of cult watch websites

for running multi-level
marketing schemes.

We also read that some people
even killed themselves

after taking his
Executive Success programs,

and we all got really worried.

They had set up this event to
groom undergraduate students

to join NXIVM.

In their eyes,
being into a cappella

had pre-qualified us for a cult

because we were so
eager to be accepted.

♪ ♪

At the closing night party,

we all decided
to confront them.

We screamed at Allison Mack
and Keith Raniere

in front of the rest of
the a cappella groups,

and scrawled the names
of the suicide victims

on the whiteboards that
they had set up on the walls.

It caused a massive controversy
in the a cappella community.

There was a really long thread

on the a cappella
message board afterwards.

NXIVM tried to destroy
our credibility

by accusing us of
vandalizing our hotel room

that they rented for us.

They said we covered it
with human waste

and they even contacted
the dean of my college

to try to get me expelled.

At that point, the only
way to stay in school

would be to
personally apologize

to NXIVM over the phone,

uh, which, which I did.

After that whole incident,

I never got involved in
a cappella ever again.

And from what I hear,
neither did Keith.

My determination
to understand wine

had sent me to tastings
all across the country.

But, no matter where
I went or what I drank,

it still never felt
natural to me.

Maybe it was a mistake

to even try to join this club.

Because if I finally
entered wine society,

people might see me
as an easy mark

for any number of
dangerous propositions.

I really didn't want to be
a, a sheep like everyone else.

But I also didn't
know how to opt out

and ignore wine completely.

When I was walking around
the beach after a tasting,

I saw some people
walking around

handing out drinks to everyone,

and they gave me one, too.

It was an energy drink.

When I cracked one open
and took a sip,

I felt something I hadn't
felt for a long time.

I didn't even have
to look at the can

to know what flavor it was.

Conversation with everyone
there was effortless.

And even though I didn't know
anything about this stuff,

nobody tried to make me
feel inferior.

-What's Frosé Rosé?
-Frosé Rosé is like a...

strawberry tasting,
kind of like Nerds...

Wilson:
The whole event was
actually a beach cleanup,

and it seemed like the company

had a, a really
positive mission.

Who came up with this idea?

The owner is Jack Owoc.
He's a South Florida native.

Wilson:
Oh, really?

He's the CEO of the company,

and so, you know, everybody,
everybody knows him.

Wilson:
They all spoke highly
of this man named Jack,

who was so down-to-Earth
that he even

let his employees
hang out at his house.

What's his house like?

Really?

Oh, really?

Wilson:
None of the, the wine people

I, I met ever organized
any beach cleanup.

And maybe I was wrong
to give up energy drinks
to begin with.

Maybe this Jack guy
knew something

that all those
wine people didn't,

and it made me really
wanna meet him,

but, unfortunately,
nobody would tell me

how to get in touch with him.

I sent him a message
on Instagram,

but I, I didn't
get a response.

Uh, but luckily,
when I Googled his name,

I found an article
about a, a, a mansion

that he had recently
just purchased,

and it had
his exact address.

I don't know if I would
find him there

or if he would even
let me in the door,

but I figured it was
at least worth a shot.

So, I rented an automobile,
and I set out to meet him.

He lived far outside the city

in a secluded,
gated community

that had its own
security force.

Guard: Good evening.
Name or address of the per--

- --son you're--
-Wilson: Uh, Jack Owoc?

Guard:
Can I have your name
or company's name?

Wilson:
Uh, John Wilson?

Guard:
Please continue to the gate.
Have a good night.

Wilson:
Oh my god...

I hadn't planned
any farther than that

because I, I genuinely
expected to be turned away.

But now that all
the gates were open,

I had to go all the way.

♪ ♪

As I slowly approached
Jack's house,

there was a long line of
cars outside of his place.

It seemed like he had
a lot of company over,

and maybe that's why
security let me through.

As I approached,
it, it crossed my mind

that in the state of Florida,

I could be shot on sight
for, for trespassing,

and, and it wouldn't
even be a crime.

But, I had already
come this far.

Um, so, I walked up
to his front door

to see if I could make contact.

As I stood in the doorway,
I was trying to figure out

exactly what I was looking at.

It seemed like some
kind of costume party,

and everyone was dressed
for another century.

I immediately tried to hide
in the, in the next room,

but as I rounded the corner,

I saw a man on a throne

who looked like all the photos
of Jack I had seen.

I wasn't sure what to say,

but before I could
think of anything,

he noticed that I was
standing right behind him.

Wilson:
Here, I can show you my...

He was immediately
suspicious of me,

but after I convinced him
I was making a show for HBO,

he relaxed a bit and said
I was welcome to hang out.

Tell me when you're recording,
and I'll tell you...

Wilson:
Okay, yeah, yeah.
I'm recording right now.

Alright, so here we are,
we're having a big party today.

HBO just busted in the door,

but that's alright.

Bang. He wants to see
inside the refrigerator,

so come on in.

So we have Rainbow Unicorn,

Cherry Blade Lemonade,
all these new flavor inventions.

A recent release here called

Delish Strawberry Kiss.

Cotton Candy.
And then we have our iced teas.

One, two, three...

Wilson:
Wow.

-So, what's going on?
-Hi!

We're having a baby shower today
for our fifth baby, Adaria.

-Wilson: Oh, really?
-And it's also--

Well, it's actually
called a baby sprinkle

for Adaria, and it's
my birthday today, too.

I turned 36.

-Wilson: Oh, congratulations.
-Thank you.

♪ ♪

I love it.

Wilson:
I was hypnotized
by Jack's charisma,

which seemed to have
a powerful effect

on all the women and children
he surrounded himself with.

♪ ♪

He made everything
seem so simple.

There was only one
truth in his world,

and every question
had the same answer.

-Do you like wine?
-Uh, we--

I like Bang Hard Seltzer
that we just released.

-Wilson: Oh, cool.
-Because it tastes good,

and it's all the same flavors
that everybody's used to.

Wilson:
It was becoming obvious
that joining the Bang family

would come with unimaginable
pleasures at my disposal.

We also have the--
this mansion we're
building in the Keys

that will be officially
the biggest house in the Keys.

20,000 square feet.
It's on an island.

So, we'll have a big party
here New Year's Eve.

Helicopters land and we own
all that land over there, too.

So, it's gonna be a crazy party.

It'll be in my book coming out
soon called "The Bang Anti-Diet"

with 1,144 scientific
references.

Thirty university studies
on our product,

with real human test subjects,

and peer-reviewed
and published.

Wilson:
And as we crossed the threshold
into his inner sanctum,

I finally understood

what everyone had
been talking about.

Wilson:
Wow.

After being an outsider for
so long in the world of wine,

I finally felt at home here.

This man had spent over an hour
showing a complete stranger

every inch of his private life,

all while missing his own
wife's birthday party.

And if that isn't
the ultimate gift

you can offer someone,
I don't know what is.

All:
Happy birthday to you!

Thank you!

Wilson:
After the ceremony,

two upper-level
members of the family

took down all my information

and told me that
Jack would be in touch.

I wasn't sure
what he had planned,

but it seemed like this
was only the beginning.

♪ ♪

We are a trusting species,

and sometimes
we go to extremes
to feel like we belong.

We distort ourselves
to please others.

And the intense fear
of being an outsider

can turn you into someone
you barely recognize.

But if you're honest
with yourself

about what you actually like,

you can get the best
of both worlds.

Whoa.

Wilson:
So don't worry about
what people think

when you bring stuff
to their party

because if they're
your real friends,

they'll probably just say
they like it anyway.

♪ ♪

This is John Wilson.
Thanks for watching.

♪ ♪