How to Stay Married (2018–…): Season 1, Episode 6 - Episode #1.6 - full transcript
Nervous.
Oh, no, I'm excited.
No, no, I mean I'm... a bit nervous.
Why are you nervous? It's
my high school reunion.
Yeah, I know, but, you know...
He is going to be there.
- Who?
- What do you mean who?
Your first love.
The one.
He who cannot be named.
- Oh...
- Adam.
Oh, Greg, you don't have to talk to him.
Talk to him?
I'm looking forward to
having a beer with him.
And I'm gonna be cool.
Just super cool.
Yeah, well, that is
very grown-up of you.
Well, I mean, he's your
first boyfriend, Em.
That's special.
He's been a big part of your life.
Both of our lives in a way.
I'm excited to meet him.
I'm just gonna be cool.
Cool like Coolio.
I'm just glad that I finally
got something to flaunt.
Thanks, Em.
You were talking about your job.
- Yep.
- Yep. Misread that.
Yep, my new job. But...
But you too, absolutely.
I mean, they're both
equally flaunt-worthy.
- Yes.
- Yep. Oh, it's just here.
Thanks, driver.
OK. Let's rock this reunion!
Ah, Brad, I'm sorry, it's partners only.
- Oh.
- Yeah.
- Yeah, OK. I'll just...
- Yeah.
I'll just wait here, then.
Yep.
Have fun.
Sorry, bro. Only gave you
two stars. Your car's shit!
Greg, not funny.
♪ I used to play Gameboy ♪
♪ Now I don't... ♪
The Raeburn multi-purpose hall.
So many purposes.
Not a huge turnout.
Are you sure partners were invited?
Yeah, it's just that
we're 40-somethings now,
prime divorce territory.
Lots of bitter singles here tonight.
Yeah, hello, Tinder?
I'd like to report a malfunction.
Your app's telling me that
there's 15 single women my age
within 20m of my current location.
WOMAN: Over here!
Yes, I am outside a
school reunion, actually.
Oh.
No, that's terrific news.
No, thank you.
The perfect storm.
I got up to so much
mischief in this place.
- Really?
- Mm-hmm!
The Em that I know would've been
front row... Eyes on the teacher...
Emily Dawson, you sexy minx!
(BOTH SQUEAL)
There's a new noise.
Oh, Greg, this is Clea!
Ahh!
No, no, no, no.
Let me map you.
Yep. You're the one.
You're perfect for Em, without question.
Now we hug.
That's... that's great.
Yep. Yep.
Clea and I were
inseparable in high school.
I can't believe that we lost touch.
Oh, things happen, Em.
But we're together now!
Remember that time we swapped Mr
Murphy's heart pills for Tic Tacs?
Oh, we so did!
- That sounds quite dangerous.
- Oh, it was fine.
The paramedics appreciated
the minty breath! (LAUGHS)
Now, what did we call
you? You had a nickname.
Ah, no, I don't think...
Oh, God, Em! Look who's here!
- Wrong Hole Wally.
- (LAUGHS)
Wrong Hole Wally?
Shh. (LAUGHS)
Was it a golf thing or...?
- (PHONE RINGS)
- Oh, poor Wally.
Oh, poor Stacey Carlson.
Excuse me.
Yeah, Brad?
Em, you've gotta get me into this party.
Ah, Brad, it's partners only.
No, listen, my dating app has gone nuts.
They're calling it a
once-in-a-generation Tinder storm.
Who's calling it that, Brad?
Who's Brad? Is he cute? Can
I talk to him? Who is he?
Ah... hey, Brad, ah, I think we
might have just found you a wife.
Yes! I mean... thanks.
A dry white, please.
Thank you.
- Hey.
- Hey.
Are you an ex-student
here or a WAG, like myself?
School captain, actually.
Adam.
- You're Adam?
- Yep.
Cool to meet you...
...my man.
(IMITATES EXPLOSION)
I'm...
...Greg Butler.
Emily Dawson's husband.
Emily. Oh, well, you're
a lucky man, Greg.
Yeah.
What are you drinking, A-train?
Whatever it is, I'm buying.
Well, the drinks are provided, so...
Could I have a white wine, thanks?
That's a shame because usually I
like to make it rain with cash money.
But free's cool.
Hey, Adam, I just...
I just wanted to say...
We're good, yeah, you and me?
Yeah.
Oh, cool.
I mean, you'll always have a
special place in Em's heart,
and that's the way it should be.
Really?
Absolutely.
And I know you have a lot
to catch up on tonight,
and I want you to know
that I'm cool with that.
Wow.
Make the most of tonight, and
I promise you, I will not hover.
I'm not one of those
helicopter husbands.
I'm cool.
I see that.
Well, that's very cool of you, Greg.
Now, go do your thang, yeah?
I'll go hang with the nerds.
Thanks.
I think one of those...
Just one dry white.
Emily Dawson and Clea!
- Adam!
- Good to see you.
And you must be...
- Brad.
- My husband.
Oh, good for you, guys.
You look happy.
Brad's an amazing provider...
Guilty.
...in the bedroom.
That's right. I... just bought
us a new memory foam mattress.
- Boy, have we made some memories!
- (LAUGHS)
We have.
Sex memories.
And, Em...
It's been a long time.
It has.
This is for you.
Oh, Adam, that's so
kind of you. Thank you.
Oh, God, we've got so
much to catch up on.
Where do we start?
Well, I have just been telling
Clea about my new job in publishing.
Publishing, I love publishing.
I always knew your talent ran deep.
Brad's talents run deep.
Real deep.
To marriage!
Oh, to marriage!
(RETRO ELECTRONIC MUSIC PLAYS)
Chicken stick?
Sure. Why not? Just the one.
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa!
Consider yourself parked.
(LAUGHS)
Hey!
Looks like I've got some competition.
Alright, big fella?
No, all yours, big fella.
Yeah.
It's funny, isn't it?
Being back where it all happened.
No, I never went to school here.
Yeah.
You said it.
Best years of our lives.
Sure.
I lost my virginity here.
In the multi-purpose hall?
No!
I'm not a hussie.
In the shelter sheds.
Oh, those were the days.
I was king of the world.
She was my queen.
Queen of the shelter sheds.
I might just go to the
bar to get another wine.
- Can you grab me one too?
- Sure.
(CHEERING AND APPLAUSE)
This is our song, baby!
We used to dance to this
before we were married.
Before the kids.
Forget the kids,
darling... just this once.
Just hold me.
So, I pop his shoulder back in and said,
"Go and make Australia proud, Starky."
He goes out, takes three
wickets, wins the match.
That's incredible.
Now, you've gotta meet my husband, Greg.
Oh, no, we've met.
Oh.
So, what you do, Adam, besides keep fit?
I work in remedial massage.
Oh, that's the best kind of massage.
Yeah, I work with Remedial
Masseuses Without Borders.
San Frontier.
Yeah, that too.
Yeah, I work with sports team as well.
I love working with my hands.
They seem like very capable hands.
No complaints yet.
Adam Sharp, as I breathe and live.
Ah, Mrs Vateras, it's good to see you.
Well, well, well...
I can tell you're still a swimmer.
Sorry, is this normal,
teachers coming to these things?
Oh, no, but I do like to pop my head
in and see how everyone's grown up.
Excuse me.
Thank you. Thank you.
To the top, all the way.
Keep going, keep going.
Thank you.
You remember Emily Dawson?
I do.
Emily's just been telling me about
her fantastic career in publishing.
Publishing?! (LAUGHS)
How... peculiar.
Why peculiar?
Well, the written word
was hardly your forte,
was it, Emily?
Writing was my forte.
I didn't have any other fortes.
Well, there's writing, and
then there's original writing,
Emily.
And I trust by now, you've
learnt to tell the difference.
God.
Is that Wrong Hole Wally?
What was all that about?
I wrote a poem in Year
12 that was so brilliant
that Mrs Vateras thought
that I'd plagiarised it.
But I remember the exact
moment that it came to me.
I was with my family
on safari in Africa.
Oh, how good's Nelson Mandela?
Yeah.
And I woke up in the middle of
the night in this feverish sweat,
and the words, they
just poured out of me.
What's happened?
Oh, Mrs Venereal is still crapping
on about my poem being a rip-off.
- Oh!
- Was it?
Brad, no.
I feel your pain, Em.
Oh, yeah, it's in your right
trapezius, if I'm not mistaken.
Do you want me to get my
oils? They're in my Audi.
Adam, it was my poem.
Why would I put it in the school
time capsule if I'd ripped it off?
Oh, my God. The time capsule!
I'm pretty sure I put a
half-finished Big M in there
- right before they sealed it!
- (LAUGHS)
You know, if I could find that
poem, I could prove her wrong.
Wrong Hole Wally put a
curried egg sandwich in there.
That thing will be nuclear by 2043.
Pity Venereal will be dead by then.
- Hey, let's dig it up.
- Yes!
- Yes!
- What?
Are you scared you'll get a detention?
Ohh!
No, but even if you do dig it
up, it's going to be locked.
Then we'll find the key. Come on, Em.
- Yeah. Yeah! (SQUEALS)
- Whoo-hoo!
- Brad, no.
- Oh.
Whoo!
- Bad girls.
- I'm back!
Go, go, go!
- Oh, gosh.
- Operation Venereal.
You sit there and
think about your poetry.
(BOTH LAUGH)
It's locked.
Oh, God, I guess that's it, then.
Yeah. Unless we can jimmy it open.
Like in the movies.
Oh, does that actually work?
One way to find out. We just
need a hairpin and a credit card.
Oh, OK. Um...
Here's a hairpin...
Thank you. And...
...credit card.
Yeah, Amex isn't gonna work.
Um, OK, MasterCard?
- Yeah. Better.
- OK.
Beginner's luck.
(BOTH LAUGH)
Oh, hey, do you remember doing this?
Oh, don't!
Ooh!
Attention, students, this
is Principal Butt Head.
Before leaving school, please
remember to collect your farts.
Come on quick!
OK, OK.
(CLEARS THROAT)
Students, you can collect
your farts from my...
...butt.
(GROANING)
That's all.
(BOTH LAUGH)
No, you had a nickname. What was it?
Come on, let's find that key.
Oh, yes, yes.
Oh, it's probably in here.
Oh! Are you gonna crack the safe?
No, of course not.
It's nearly impossible.
Oh, must've been open.
Ooh.
Keys to the city, Emily.
- Time to dig up the truth.
- Yes! Ok.
Oh, Brad!
Clea, there you are.
- Oh!
- Well, I've been worried sick.
Oh, my God, Brad, I've
been gone for two seconds.
Can you just let me breathe?
Oh, no, you don't. We're not
gonna make a scene, not tonight.
Oh, that'd be right. Take
the moral high ground.
Well, somebody's got to!
I'm having the best time.
Me too.
We need counselling.
No! I can change!
I don't... want you... to change!
I'm so confused right now!
Ah.
- Hurry back with those dimmies.
- Can't wait.
- You like soya sauce?
- Ah, yeah.
Bring soya sauce!
Ah, Tizz... Tizz...
Yeah, Tizzalino.
I just need to duck out
to make sure my wife's OK.
- Oh, who are you married to?
- Ah, Emily Butler.
- Who?
- Emily Butler?
Oh, Butler nee Dawson,
or Dawson nee Butler,
whatever that is.
You're married to Emily Dawson?
(RETRO ELECTRONIC MUSIC)
Em didn't mention me
once, not even in passing?
Well, it was a big class,
I can't remember everyone.
Ah, Em.
Oh, hey, party people.
- Hey.
- Oh, hi, Tiz.
Hello, Emily.
Tiz?
Yeah, hey, hey, keep it on the DL,
but we are sneaking into
the Year 12 courtyard
to dig up the time capsule!
Ho ho ho ho, sounds fun.
Why?
Because Mrs Venereal
is still crapping on about
my poem being a rip-off.
It's in the time capsule,
we're going to dig it up
and prove her wrong. (LAUGHS)
- That sounds like a plan, my man.
- Yeah.
Give me some skin!
Greg, are you going to come outside?
Yeah, I think I...
I mean, maybe not
because it kind of sounds more
like a students-only thing.
But, go ahead, and I'll
stay here, being cool.
- Let's bounce, Em.
- Yeah.
Wow, you are one brave husband.
Well, when your marriage
is as strong as ours,
why wouldn't you let your wife
catch up with her ex-boyfriend.
Well, she should, and I'd love to,
but she's off cavorting with Adam.
Yeah, well, Adam is her ex.
I'm her ex.
No, you're Tiz.
Tizzalino. Adam Tizzalino. Adam T!
- You're the one?
- Yeah.
Then who did my wife just
run off into the night with?
Adam Sharpe. Adam S. Sharpie.
He's wrecked more homes
than I've had hot dinners,
and I live next door to Red Rooster.
You... you did it with my
wife in the shuttle sheds?
Yeah.
That's where they're headed now.
(LAUGHS)
Not cool.
I've been looking for you, darling.
Kiss me, Brad.
Kiss me like you did
on our wedding night.
Oh, oh.
Ow, ow!
(ALARM RINGS)
Alright, everybody,
grab your drinks
and assemble in the Year 12 courtyard.
(GRUNTS)
Alright, just... just stop,
that's enough, that's enough.
We're good, Greg. You're hovering, yeah?
Shut up, Adam. I know
you're not 'the one'.
Oh, oh, you thought he was the one?
Well, obviously,
because his name is Adam.
Oh!
And Tizzalino's name is also Adam,
so I accidentally gave Sharpie
permission to hang out with you.
- Permission?
- Well, not permission.
Mate, you told me to
"do your thang with her".
You were pretty bloody clear.
Your 'thang'?
I did not do that action.
- Oh.
- Yes.
Just put a shirt on, mate.
No, no, he can leave the shirt off.
- Give me the shovel.
- Nope.
- Give me the shovel!
- No.
Just give me the shovel.
Jamie Durie, bloody...!
If the poem is buried down there,
it's her husband's duty to dig it out!
Well met by moonlight. (LAUGHS)
Well, I suppose as the adult
here, I should be stopping this,
but my curiosity is somewhat piqued.
Give me that shovel!
We are digging up the capsule.
My poem is in there.
Along with a serving
of humble pie for you.
ONLOOKERS: Oh-ho-ho!
I put a pie in there, actually.
MAN: Wally!
(CLUNK!)
Ooh. (CHUCKLES)
Oh!
(ALL GAG AND COUGH)
Oh! Oh, that's not right.
Oh, Greg, can you take this?
- What?!
- Arggh!
I've got it.
Oh!
Here, you read it.
If you're so confident,
Em, why don't you recite it?
What do you say, class of '93?
(CHEERING)
Fine. Your funeral.
Let's get you on centre stage, sweetie.
Just...
Greg, what are... Greg! Piss off.
Yep, just do it here. Good idea.
Listen up, everybody,
you might learn something.
Em works in publishing now.
River Dreaming by Emily Dawson.
"In the middle of the night,
I go walking in my sleep..."
Beautiful.
"From the mountains of
faith to the rivers so deep.
I must be looking for something.
Something sacred I lost..."
Em... that's Billy Joel.
Sing us a song, Piano Lady.
"In the middle of the night...
(SINGS) ♪ I go walking in my sleep ♪
♪ Through the valley of fear ♪
♪ Through the river so deep ♪
ALL: ♪ I must be
searching for something ♪
♪ Taken out of my soul ♪
♪ Outta ma soul ♪
♪ Something I would never lose ♪
♪ Never lose ♪
♪ Something somebody stole ♪
♪ Somebody stole ♪
♪ I don't know why I
go walking at night ♪
♪ But I'm tired and I
don't want to walk anymore ♪
♪ I hope it doesn't take
the rest of my life ♪
♪ Until I finally find
what I'm looking for ♪
ALL: ♪ In the middle
of the night... ♪
How could you not
know 'River of Dreams'?
Oh, I don't know, I guess I
just wasn't that into pop music.
Wasn't my thang.
Yeah, OK, well, I... I
am sorry about Sharpie.
Oh, I think my 17-year-old self
sort of liked the attention.
(GIGGLES)
What was it about Tizzalino?
Why was... why was he the one?
Greg, looks aren't everything to me.
Great, I'm equally comforted
and insulted by that.
Guys!
You seen Clea? I can't
seem to find her anywhere.
Or my watch or wallet... or phone.
Or keys.
She stole my Uber!
And my heart.
That was her nickname, Clea the Klepto.
That's why we stopped hanging
out together in high school.
Oh, Brad, I'm so sorry.
Are you kidding?
For three hours tonight, I
was married. It was awesome.
You should probably call the
bank and cancel your credit cards.
- Yeah.
- Yeah, good thinking.
- Can I borrow your phone?
- Sure.
(SIGHS)
Shit! I don't have my
phone and my wallet's gone.
Oh, Clea!
I didn't even get her number.
Oh, no, I'm excited.
No, no, I mean I'm... a bit nervous.
Why are you nervous? It's
my high school reunion.
Yeah, I know, but, you know...
He is going to be there.
- Who?
- What do you mean who?
Your first love.
The one.
He who cannot be named.
- Oh...
- Adam.
Oh, Greg, you don't have to talk to him.
Talk to him?
I'm looking forward to
having a beer with him.
And I'm gonna be cool.
Just super cool.
Yeah, well, that is
very grown-up of you.
Well, I mean, he's your
first boyfriend, Em.
That's special.
He's been a big part of your life.
Both of our lives in a way.
I'm excited to meet him.
I'm just gonna be cool.
Cool like Coolio.
I'm just glad that I finally
got something to flaunt.
Thanks, Em.
You were talking about your job.
- Yep.
- Yep. Misread that.
Yep, my new job. But...
But you too, absolutely.
I mean, they're both
equally flaunt-worthy.
- Yes.
- Yep. Oh, it's just here.
Thanks, driver.
OK. Let's rock this reunion!
Ah, Brad, I'm sorry, it's partners only.
- Oh.
- Yeah.
- Yeah, OK. I'll just...
- Yeah.
I'll just wait here, then.
Yep.
Have fun.
Sorry, bro. Only gave you
two stars. Your car's shit!
Greg, not funny.
♪ I used to play Gameboy ♪
♪ Now I don't... ♪
The Raeburn multi-purpose hall.
So many purposes.
Not a huge turnout.
Are you sure partners were invited?
Yeah, it's just that
we're 40-somethings now,
prime divorce territory.
Lots of bitter singles here tonight.
Yeah, hello, Tinder?
I'd like to report a malfunction.
Your app's telling me that
there's 15 single women my age
within 20m of my current location.
WOMAN: Over here!
Yes, I am outside a
school reunion, actually.
Oh.
No, that's terrific news.
No, thank you.
The perfect storm.
I got up to so much
mischief in this place.
- Really?
- Mm-hmm!
The Em that I know would've been
front row... Eyes on the teacher...
Emily Dawson, you sexy minx!
(BOTH SQUEAL)
There's a new noise.
Oh, Greg, this is Clea!
Ahh!
No, no, no, no.
Let me map you.
Yep. You're the one.
You're perfect for Em, without question.
Now we hug.
That's... that's great.
Yep. Yep.
Clea and I were
inseparable in high school.
I can't believe that we lost touch.
Oh, things happen, Em.
But we're together now!
Remember that time we swapped Mr
Murphy's heart pills for Tic Tacs?
Oh, we so did!
- That sounds quite dangerous.
- Oh, it was fine.
The paramedics appreciated
the minty breath! (LAUGHS)
Now, what did we call
you? You had a nickname.
Ah, no, I don't think...
Oh, God, Em! Look who's here!
- Wrong Hole Wally.
- (LAUGHS)
Wrong Hole Wally?
Shh. (LAUGHS)
Was it a golf thing or...?
- (PHONE RINGS)
- Oh, poor Wally.
Oh, poor Stacey Carlson.
Excuse me.
Yeah, Brad?
Em, you've gotta get me into this party.
Ah, Brad, it's partners only.
No, listen, my dating app has gone nuts.
They're calling it a
once-in-a-generation Tinder storm.
Who's calling it that, Brad?
Who's Brad? Is he cute? Can
I talk to him? Who is he?
Ah... hey, Brad, ah, I think we
might have just found you a wife.
Yes! I mean... thanks.
A dry white, please.
Thank you.
- Hey.
- Hey.
Are you an ex-student
here or a WAG, like myself?
School captain, actually.
Adam.
- You're Adam?
- Yep.
Cool to meet you...
...my man.
(IMITATES EXPLOSION)
I'm...
...Greg Butler.
Emily Dawson's husband.
Emily. Oh, well, you're
a lucky man, Greg.
Yeah.
What are you drinking, A-train?
Whatever it is, I'm buying.
Well, the drinks are provided, so...
Could I have a white wine, thanks?
That's a shame because usually I
like to make it rain with cash money.
But free's cool.
Hey, Adam, I just...
I just wanted to say...
We're good, yeah, you and me?
Yeah.
Oh, cool.
I mean, you'll always have a
special place in Em's heart,
and that's the way it should be.
Really?
Absolutely.
And I know you have a lot
to catch up on tonight,
and I want you to know
that I'm cool with that.
Wow.
Make the most of tonight, and
I promise you, I will not hover.
I'm not one of those
helicopter husbands.
I'm cool.
I see that.
Well, that's very cool of you, Greg.
Now, go do your thang, yeah?
I'll go hang with the nerds.
Thanks.
I think one of those...
Just one dry white.
Emily Dawson and Clea!
- Adam!
- Good to see you.
And you must be...
- Brad.
- My husband.
Oh, good for you, guys.
You look happy.
Brad's an amazing provider...
Guilty.
...in the bedroom.
That's right. I... just bought
us a new memory foam mattress.
- Boy, have we made some memories!
- (LAUGHS)
We have.
Sex memories.
And, Em...
It's been a long time.
It has.
This is for you.
Oh, Adam, that's so
kind of you. Thank you.
Oh, God, we've got so
much to catch up on.
Where do we start?
Well, I have just been telling
Clea about my new job in publishing.
Publishing, I love publishing.
I always knew your talent ran deep.
Brad's talents run deep.
Real deep.
To marriage!
Oh, to marriage!
(RETRO ELECTRONIC MUSIC PLAYS)
Chicken stick?
Sure. Why not? Just the one.
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa!
Consider yourself parked.
(LAUGHS)
Hey!
Looks like I've got some competition.
Alright, big fella?
No, all yours, big fella.
Yeah.
It's funny, isn't it?
Being back where it all happened.
No, I never went to school here.
Yeah.
You said it.
Best years of our lives.
Sure.
I lost my virginity here.
In the multi-purpose hall?
No!
I'm not a hussie.
In the shelter sheds.
Oh, those were the days.
I was king of the world.
She was my queen.
Queen of the shelter sheds.
I might just go to the
bar to get another wine.
- Can you grab me one too?
- Sure.
(CHEERING AND APPLAUSE)
This is our song, baby!
We used to dance to this
before we were married.
Before the kids.
Forget the kids,
darling... just this once.
Just hold me.
So, I pop his shoulder back in and said,
"Go and make Australia proud, Starky."
He goes out, takes three
wickets, wins the match.
That's incredible.
Now, you've gotta meet my husband, Greg.
Oh, no, we've met.
Oh.
So, what you do, Adam, besides keep fit?
I work in remedial massage.
Oh, that's the best kind of massage.
Yeah, I work with Remedial
Masseuses Without Borders.
San Frontier.
Yeah, that too.
Yeah, I work with sports team as well.
I love working with my hands.
They seem like very capable hands.
No complaints yet.
Adam Sharp, as I breathe and live.
Ah, Mrs Vateras, it's good to see you.
Well, well, well...
I can tell you're still a swimmer.
Sorry, is this normal,
teachers coming to these things?
Oh, no, but I do like to pop my head
in and see how everyone's grown up.
Excuse me.
Thank you. Thank you.
To the top, all the way.
Keep going, keep going.
Thank you.
You remember Emily Dawson?
I do.
Emily's just been telling me about
her fantastic career in publishing.
Publishing?! (LAUGHS)
How... peculiar.
Why peculiar?
Well, the written word
was hardly your forte,
was it, Emily?
Writing was my forte.
I didn't have any other fortes.
Well, there's writing, and
then there's original writing,
Emily.
And I trust by now, you've
learnt to tell the difference.
God.
Is that Wrong Hole Wally?
What was all that about?
I wrote a poem in Year
12 that was so brilliant
that Mrs Vateras thought
that I'd plagiarised it.
But I remember the exact
moment that it came to me.
I was with my family
on safari in Africa.
Oh, how good's Nelson Mandela?
Yeah.
And I woke up in the middle of
the night in this feverish sweat,
and the words, they
just poured out of me.
What's happened?
Oh, Mrs Venereal is still crapping
on about my poem being a rip-off.
- Oh!
- Was it?
Brad, no.
I feel your pain, Em.
Oh, yeah, it's in your right
trapezius, if I'm not mistaken.
Do you want me to get my
oils? They're in my Audi.
Adam, it was my poem.
Why would I put it in the school
time capsule if I'd ripped it off?
Oh, my God. The time capsule!
I'm pretty sure I put a
half-finished Big M in there
- right before they sealed it!
- (LAUGHS)
You know, if I could find that
poem, I could prove her wrong.
Wrong Hole Wally put a
curried egg sandwich in there.
That thing will be nuclear by 2043.
Pity Venereal will be dead by then.
- Hey, let's dig it up.
- Yes!
- Yes!
- What?
Are you scared you'll get a detention?
Ohh!
No, but even if you do dig it
up, it's going to be locked.
Then we'll find the key. Come on, Em.
- Yeah. Yeah! (SQUEALS)
- Whoo-hoo!
- Brad, no.
- Oh.
Whoo!
- Bad girls.
- I'm back!
Go, go, go!
- Oh, gosh.
- Operation Venereal.
You sit there and
think about your poetry.
(BOTH LAUGH)
It's locked.
Oh, God, I guess that's it, then.
Yeah. Unless we can jimmy it open.
Like in the movies.
Oh, does that actually work?
One way to find out. We just
need a hairpin and a credit card.
Oh, OK. Um...
Here's a hairpin...
Thank you. And...
...credit card.
Yeah, Amex isn't gonna work.
Um, OK, MasterCard?
- Yeah. Better.
- OK.
Beginner's luck.
(BOTH LAUGH)
Oh, hey, do you remember doing this?
Oh, don't!
Ooh!
Attention, students, this
is Principal Butt Head.
Before leaving school, please
remember to collect your farts.
Come on quick!
OK, OK.
(CLEARS THROAT)
Students, you can collect
your farts from my...
...butt.
(GROANING)
That's all.
(BOTH LAUGH)
No, you had a nickname. What was it?
Come on, let's find that key.
Oh, yes, yes.
Oh, it's probably in here.
Oh! Are you gonna crack the safe?
No, of course not.
It's nearly impossible.
Oh, must've been open.
Ooh.
Keys to the city, Emily.
- Time to dig up the truth.
- Yes! Ok.
Oh, Brad!
Clea, there you are.
- Oh!
- Well, I've been worried sick.
Oh, my God, Brad, I've
been gone for two seconds.
Can you just let me breathe?
Oh, no, you don't. We're not
gonna make a scene, not tonight.
Oh, that'd be right. Take
the moral high ground.
Well, somebody's got to!
I'm having the best time.
Me too.
We need counselling.
No! I can change!
I don't... want you... to change!
I'm so confused right now!
Ah.
- Hurry back with those dimmies.
- Can't wait.
- You like soya sauce?
- Ah, yeah.
Bring soya sauce!
Ah, Tizz... Tizz...
Yeah, Tizzalino.
I just need to duck out
to make sure my wife's OK.
- Oh, who are you married to?
- Ah, Emily Butler.
- Who?
- Emily Butler?
Oh, Butler nee Dawson,
or Dawson nee Butler,
whatever that is.
You're married to Emily Dawson?
(RETRO ELECTRONIC MUSIC)
Em didn't mention me
once, not even in passing?
Well, it was a big class,
I can't remember everyone.
Ah, Em.
Oh, hey, party people.
- Hey.
- Oh, hi, Tiz.
Hello, Emily.
Tiz?
Yeah, hey, hey, keep it on the DL,
but we are sneaking into
the Year 12 courtyard
to dig up the time capsule!
Ho ho ho ho, sounds fun.
Why?
Because Mrs Venereal
is still crapping on about
my poem being a rip-off.
It's in the time capsule,
we're going to dig it up
and prove her wrong. (LAUGHS)
- That sounds like a plan, my man.
- Yeah.
Give me some skin!
Greg, are you going to come outside?
Yeah, I think I...
I mean, maybe not
because it kind of sounds more
like a students-only thing.
But, go ahead, and I'll
stay here, being cool.
- Let's bounce, Em.
- Yeah.
Wow, you are one brave husband.
Well, when your marriage
is as strong as ours,
why wouldn't you let your wife
catch up with her ex-boyfriend.
Well, she should, and I'd love to,
but she's off cavorting with Adam.
Yeah, well, Adam is her ex.
I'm her ex.
No, you're Tiz.
Tizzalino. Adam Tizzalino. Adam T!
- You're the one?
- Yeah.
Then who did my wife just
run off into the night with?
Adam Sharpe. Adam S. Sharpie.
He's wrecked more homes
than I've had hot dinners,
and I live next door to Red Rooster.
You... you did it with my
wife in the shuttle sheds?
Yeah.
That's where they're headed now.
(LAUGHS)
Not cool.
I've been looking for you, darling.
Kiss me, Brad.
Kiss me like you did
on our wedding night.
Oh, oh.
Ow, ow!
(ALARM RINGS)
Alright, everybody,
grab your drinks
and assemble in the Year 12 courtyard.
(GRUNTS)
Alright, just... just stop,
that's enough, that's enough.
We're good, Greg. You're hovering, yeah?
Shut up, Adam. I know
you're not 'the one'.
Oh, oh, you thought he was the one?
Well, obviously,
because his name is Adam.
Oh!
And Tizzalino's name is also Adam,
so I accidentally gave Sharpie
permission to hang out with you.
- Permission?
- Well, not permission.
Mate, you told me to
"do your thang with her".
You were pretty bloody clear.
Your 'thang'?
I did not do that action.
- Oh.
- Yes.
Just put a shirt on, mate.
No, no, he can leave the shirt off.
- Give me the shovel.
- Nope.
- Give me the shovel!
- No.
Just give me the shovel.
Jamie Durie, bloody...!
If the poem is buried down there,
it's her husband's duty to dig it out!
Well met by moonlight. (LAUGHS)
Well, I suppose as the adult
here, I should be stopping this,
but my curiosity is somewhat piqued.
Give me that shovel!
We are digging up the capsule.
My poem is in there.
Along with a serving
of humble pie for you.
ONLOOKERS: Oh-ho-ho!
I put a pie in there, actually.
MAN: Wally!
(CLUNK!)
Ooh. (CHUCKLES)
Oh!
(ALL GAG AND COUGH)
Oh! Oh, that's not right.
Oh, Greg, can you take this?
- What?!
- Arggh!
I've got it.
Oh!
Here, you read it.
If you're so confident,
Em, why don't you recite it?
What do you say, class of '93?
(CHEERING)
Fine. Your funeral.
Let's get you on centre stage, sweetie.
Just...
Greg, what are... Greg! Piss off.
Yep, just do it here. Good idea.
Listen up, everybody,
you might learn something.
Em works in publishing now.
River Dreaming by Emily Dawson.
"In the middle of the night,
I go walking in my sleep..."
Beautiful.
"From the mountains of
faith to the rivers so deep.
I must be looking for something.
Something sacred I lost..."
Em... that's Billy Joel.
Sing us a song, Piano Lady.
"In the middle of the night...
(SINGS) ♪ I go walking in my sleep ♪
♪ Through the valley of fear ♪
♪ Through the river so deep ♪
ALL: ♪ I must be
searching for something ♪
♪ Taken out of my soul ♪
♪ Outta ma soul ♪
♪ Something I would never lose ♪
♪ Never lose ♪
♪ Something somebody stole ♪
♪ Somebody stole ♪
♪ I don't know why I
go walking at night ♪
♪ But I'm tired and I
don't want to walk anymore ♪
♪ I hope it doesn't take
the rest of my life ♪
♪ Until I finally find
what I'm looking for ♪
ALL: ♪ In the middle
of the night... ♪
How could you not
know 'River of Dreams'?
Oh, I don't know, I guess I
just wasn't that into pop music.
Wasn't my thang.
Yeah, OK, well, I... I
am sorry about Sharpie.
Oh, I think my 17-year-old self
sort of liked the attention.
(GIGGLES)
What was it about Tizzalino?
Why was... why was he the one?
Greg, looks aren't everything to me.
Great, I'm equally comforted
and insulted by that.
Guys!
You seen Clea? I can't
seem to find her anywhere.
Or my watch or wallet... or phone.
Or keys.
She stole my Uber!
And my heart.
That was her nickname, Clea the Klepto.
That's why we stopped hanging
out together in high school.
Oh, Brad, I'm so sorry.
Are you kidding?
For three hours tonight, I
was married. It was awesome.
You should probably call the
bank and cancel your credit cards.
- Yeah.
- Yeah, good thinking.
- Can I borrow your phone?
- Sure.
(SIGHS)
Shit! I don't have my
phone and my wallet's gone.
Oh, Clea!
I didn't even get her number.