How to Make It in America (2010–…): Season 2, Episode 5 - Mofongo - full transcript
Nancy may or may not connect Ben and Cam to an L.A. buyer who's in town, so the lads contrive to spend time with Kirsten and Kristen, two blonde party animals who are in the Big Apple on a buying trip for a major St. Louis department store. Nancy isn't keen on this effort, believing that CRISP is still too small for more than boutiques. Rene pursues Debbie's forgiveness. She gives him an assignment: can he talk to her daughter about the crowd she's running with? Rachel heads out into the Manhattan night on a bicycle without a headlamp while Ben shares a taxi with Nancy.
( theme music playing )
♪ I need
a dollar dollar ♪
- ♪ a dollar,
hat's what I need ♪
- ♪ hey hey ♪
♪ well, I need
a dollar dollar ♪
- ♪ a dollar,
that's what I need ♪
- ♪ hey hey ♪
♪ said I need
a dollar dollar ♪
♪ a dollar,
that's what I need ♪
♪ and if I share
with you my story ♪
♪ would you share
your dollar with me? ♪
♪ well, I don't know if
I'm walking on solid ground ♪
♪ and all I want is ♪
♪ for someone to help me ♪
♪ and I need
a dollar dollar ♪
♪ a dollar,
that's what I need ♪
♪ and if I share
with you my story ♪
♪ would you share
your dollar with me? ♪
( dance music playing )
( crowd chattering )
- ( glass crashes )
- ( tim yelling )
Who the fuck
invited you anyway?
- Chill out, dude.
- I'm gonna fuck you
till you love it.
- Chill out.
- Oh, family style, dude.
And then I'm gonna
fucking stab you.
There she is.
She's coming.
( laughs loudly )
yo, that's hilarious, ben.
- You're funny, man.
- Whoa, is that nancy?
Oh hey. Hi.
Oh god,
I owe you a call.
You owe us
a meeting actually.
Do I?
We redid our lookbook.
To show your guy in l.A.
At south willard.
- Oh right, ryan.
- Ryan.
Oh shit.
You know what?
I'm gonna email him
right now.
- Thanks.
- Cool.
Those neanderthals
are effed the eff up.
- Yeah, that's
kinda their thing.
- So dirty, but you know what?
- Hmm?
- I kinda love it.
- Argh!
- Right? Totally.
Kirsten, christin,
- Meet cam and ben.
- Hi.
- How are you doing?
- Hello, ladies.
Wait, so you guys are
both named christin?
- Huh-uh.
- No.
- I'm kirsten
and this is christin.
- Got it.
So what do you say,
nancy?
- Shots and then we hit
the dior event?
- Whoo!
Ladies, you gotta
pace yourselves.
One night in new york
is like a month
st. Louis time.
Well, let's get this month
started, right?
- Party started.
- Ow!
Domingo:
Is he cool or--?
You know ben.
He doesn't hold grudges,
But he's not gonna fake
like everything is all right
When it isn't,
you know?
Yeah.
Hey, you don't think
he heard
About the details
or anything like that,
right?
Well, rachel
did do this one blog
About black dudes
versus jewish dudes.
That was you.
Ha ha, motherfucker.
Whatever.
For your services,
my friend.
Oh, don't be cheap.
Okay.
And check
this shit out.
What is this?
What did you do?
What could be
better than a weed spray
called rasta monsta?
It's the essence
of marijuana in a bottle.
Wait, you're not actually
selling these, right?
These are for fun?
It started off as
research and development,
But every time I sold it
to a regular,
They were fucking
going crazy for it.
It could be big, man.
Are you out of your mind?
If rene sees this,
he'll murder me and you.
Well, okay, cool,
But I'm not wasting
this shit.
Rene:
It's nothing about
the inside.
It's all about
the outside, baby.
- It's beautiful.
- I like the outside.
- Like that? Like the colors?
- Yeah, I like the green.
So everything in that
video is for real?
Even the jamaican guy?
He was so angry
I thought he was,
you know, an actor.
It's all real, my friend.
The streets of new york--
they don't lie.
You know, I've had kids
all week asking me,
"when am I gonna get
rasta monsta?"
Rasta monsta's
for the children.
Awesome.
Great to finally meet.
Looking forward to doing
business with you.
Oh, thank you.
Thank you.
Yeah, that's what
I'm talking about.
Rasta monsta
hits the suburbs.
Even the air smells
different out here.
Huh, boss?
You smell that?
Come on, mamita.
Pick up the phone, baby.
Ah, this is nice.
I like this.
What now?
I'm saying we busted out
of the bodega.
It's only a matter of time
now before we go national.
Yeah, it's a real fucking
significant moment right now.
Jabar:
Come on, boss.
It's time to celebrate.
Let's go to the ballet,
fellas.
Mega nortons--
Rated the second best
titty bar in new haven.
Why the fuck we ain't
going to the best one?
I called ahead.
No sneakers.
Fuck it.
Let's go.
And that's why it's called
the great american scissors
road test--
Because we'll actually
put the scissorso work
And see
what they can do.
It's like, why are fiskars
scissors so ubiquitous?
Similarly, does anyone
actually use
Pinking scissors anymore?
And so on.
Good.
Nice, montana.
I like it.
Rachel.
Did you have anything?
Yes, I do.
Um, I have not
printed it out yet,
But it's actually
not too dissimilar
From what montana was
pitching out.
But it was more like
basters.
You know, the--
the squeegee things
That you find
in the kitchen,
Sort of
investigate that.
Right. Okay.
See you later. Bye.
Oh my god, you guys,
I'm so sorry.
I mean, you schlepped
all the way up here.
Ryan left.
He went to l.A. Already.
He took the earlier flight.
Someone should he calledou.
I'm al sorry.
But, you know, listen,
he's here all the time.
We'll definitely
go out for coffee, drinks,
sushi-- whatever.
Well, what about
a conference call
Or a video chat?
Oh, I don't do that.
Seriously,
it's just too forced.
It's not my style.
Christin and kirsten.
You want a return, right?
Oh shit.
No, I'll take 'em.
These are the girls
from last night--
Buyers from gadzooks.
I'm babysitting them.
We're doing
business with them.
Just give me one second.
Hey, st. Louis
in the house.
- Both: Hey, nancy.
- Ooh, stereo.
Kirsten:
So we heard back
from phillip
And he didn't love
the neanderthal stuff
as much as we did.
Oh no.
We did kind of
expect that, right?
After all, it is still
the midwest, darlings.
Christin: Yeah, but we
still want to bring something
back super fresh.
We're getting killed
by pac-sun.
All right, let me think
about it for a few days
- And I'll come up
with something.
- Kirsten: Awesome.
Oh and hey, what's up with
the boom boom room? Because we
couldn't get in last night.
Christin:
And that was with kirsten
offering to blow the doorman.
- Kirsten: Shut up.
- Kidding.
I knew we should have
stayed at the standard.
All the boys at
the mondrian are busted.
Okay, well, let me make
a few phone calls
And I'll get back to you,
all right?
- Awesome.
- All right. Ciao, bellas.
Nancy, what about crisp
for them?
Oh no, that's not
the right fit,
Not where you should be
focusing your energies.
We've got plenty of energy
to go around.
Gadzooks?
They do huge volume.
I'm not even sure
if you guys could deliver.
Oh, come on,
we always deliver.
Oh, do you, ben?
Yeah.
Listen, guys,
Let's just focus
on making south willard happen.
All right?
I told you we should
have never done
Those freebie
st. Maximilian's
t-shirtsor her.
Now she's gonna
see us as amateurs,
like we can't do real business.
I don't know, man.
Have you ever seen
a gadzooks?
It's like
a department store.
It's not really
where I see crisp.
Well, start picturing it,
homey,
'cause until barneys
starts calling,
Piecing together
these little tiny orders
from store to store
Is not a way
to grow a business.
Isn't that
what you said to me?
Yeah.
And these girls can
order 500 sweatshirts
At once.
That would be nice.
And nobody in new york
would even know.
It's like that billboard
we saw of clooney,
remember?
Selling coffee in tokyo.
I mean, we'd be crazy
not to try to get
this order.
Our shit is so much better
than the neanderthals.
We should do it
on principle.
See what I'm saying?
I see what
you're saying, man.
( rap music playing )
Eddie:
Yo, see those up there?
I like those.
Yeah, they don't
have those in the city.
The city's too crowded.
Titties there need
to be more compact.
But here-- whoo!
They've got space
And they've got
fresh milk. Whoo!
What about you, boss?
Jabar:
Yeah, boss, you like
the compact city titties
Or these big old
country titties?
Damn, man, I get
no reception in here.
I'm sorry.
It's not you.
It's me.
Listen, not for nothing,
but if I was you, honey,
I would clone that ass.
I fucking need
to make a phone call.
Debbie's been giving him
the silent treatment, man.
His freaking head
is about to pop off.
You know, I've never seen
rene like this.
He's whupped, son.
( imitates whip crack )
Hey. What up?
- Hey.
- Sorry I'm late, man.
Yeah, so am I,
'cause I gotta go now.
What? I just got here.
I know, but you're like
25 minutes late.
Oh shit.
Sorry. I'm sorry.
I'm sorry.
I just--
now I have to go
To this meeting I didn't
have to go to before.
Okay. All good.
Do your thing,
miss magazine queen.
You look fresh today.
Um, so lulu and I
Are having dinner
with pals tonight.
Do you want to--
do you want to maybe
get drinks after or--?
Damn. My good friend
from cleveland,
Light skin leon's
in town.
And I promised him
to take him to a club.
So I don't think
it's gonna work.
Oh okay.
All right, we'll do it
another time then.
Yeah, cool.
I'm around.
Did you talk to ben
about us or whatever?
Yeah.
Yeah, I talked to him.
Okay, and?
He's cool.
Cool.
Yeah.
- All right,
I'll see you later.
- Yeah.
Bye.
Awkward as fuck, right?
( growls )
Honestly, you were
ridiculous.
I can't stop
thinking about it.
Oh, cam, you say that
to all the girls.
No, I don't.
- You got skills.
- Why, thank you.
- They're coming.
- Oh, let me call you back,
all right?
Yeah, sure.
See you.
( kirsten and christin
laughing )
- Tell me about the dress.
- It's black with
one sleeve and--
Kirsten, christin.
You guys were at the party
last night with nancy.
- Ben.
- Oh.
- Cam.
- Are you guys staying here?
- No, we're just here
for a meeting.
- Oh.
But do you want
to join us for a drink?
And sneak a peek before
we sell out spring 2012?
Sorry, guys, we're kind of--
office hours are over.
- Yeah.
- We're just trying
to unwind.
It's our last night
in ♪ new york. ♪
ooh ooh!
( laughter )
- It was nice seeing you guys.
- Yeah, you too.
Hey have you been
to the jane yet?
Uh, no.
We're trying to hit up
the boom boom room tonight.
- Ooh.
- The boom boom room?
- Nah.
- Forget that spot.
Nobody even goes there.
- Really?
- Cornball city.
- Oh.
- Yeah. No, jane's
where it's at tonight.
You know d.J. Doris?
Hottest party in new york.
That's where you gotta go.
But just be careful,
'cause the door can be
a little tricky.
Do you think you guys
could help us out?
( buzzes )
Debbie: Hello.
Let me in, baby.
Get out of here, rene,
you phony sack of shit.
Oh, come on, man.
I just need five
minutes, baby--
- Just five minutes.
- Five minutes?
You've already
wasted hours of my life
that I can never have back.
Come on, baby.
I'm standing
on my hands and knees
out here for you.
Let me in, please.
You are full of shit.
All right, so I'm not
on my hands and knees,
But you know what?
I'm gonna stand right here
till you let me in
And I'm gonna keep
buzzering your buzzer.
( buzzing )
Look, mami, I know--
I know what I did was wrong.
The truth is,
I can't even fuck with you
right now, rene.
I've got bigger problems
with nilda.
- Some shit's been happening.
- What?
She has been staying out
all night, falling in
with the wrong crowd.
They're filling her head
with ideas.
What kind of ideas?
Gay ideas.
She hasn't been coming home
and I can't sleep.
Baby, you want me
to talk to her?
For what?
So she can learn how to lie
and manipulate people?
Dude, so today at lunch
Domingo runs in, like,
30 minutes late.
You shouldn't take
that personally.
He runs on
weed dealer time.
There it is.
Maybe now that
ben knows about it
It's like
the mystery is gone.
That's a brutally honest
way of looking at it.
Wow.
- Oh my god, I'm starving.
- Yeah, me too.
- Mm, pickles.
- There's a lot of pickles.
Oh my god.
Lulu d actually
made it to bushwick.
Are you kidding me?
It's good to see you.
Oh look, she brought
her highbrow friend
with her too.
- Hey.
- This is rachel--
my bodyguard.
- Oh hi, my bodyguard.
- Hi.
Yeah, I think we've
actually met before.
I'm tim.
Yeah, I we have, yeah.
- Yeah. This is heather.
- Hey.
- Hey.
- Hello.
So what's-- what's up
with all the pickles?
- We make them here.
- What?
Yeah, and we just got
the lot next door.
We're gonna
expand the garden
and grow grapes.
Wow, very sustainable
of you.
Fuck sustainability.
I am gonna coppola the shit
out of this place.
And I'm gonna put
all these fucking hipsters
to work for me making wine.
- Okay.
- Yeah, do you want
to see the garden?
Yeah, I want to--
I want to see the garden.
- ( distant siren wailing )
- ( sighs )
- Carlos.
- There he is.
This is christin and kirsten
from st. Louis.
- Hello.
- The show me state.
Get this one drunk
and she'll show you it all.
My brother,
what's my new nickname?
I don't know, man.
Come on. Young gekko--
call me young gekko.
What's up?
New york fucking city,
bitches!
- Yeah!
- That's what
I'm talking about.
Wow, total disrespect
for the dom.
I gotta respect that.
Yo, thanks for
hooking it up, kappo.
Man, this-- this could
all be gone tomorrow.
That's why we need
to enjoy it tonight.
Good looking out, kappo.
Thank you.
You do know how to show
us heartland girls
A good time, mr. Kaplan.
It is my pleasure,
kirsten.
Mm, I'm christin.
Yeah.
You said kirsten.
Fucking love you, girl.
Kirsten, christin,
we wanted to tell you
About our line crisp.
We make tees and hoodies.
Not to be those dudes,
but we heard that you guys
liked the neanderthals,
And if you take a look,
our line is undeniably
more fresh.
Boo. Business.
- If you see something you like,
we'll ship it to st. Louis.
- Yeah.
Oh, I see
something I like.
I just don't know
if you can ship it.
Okay, I gotta go tinkle.
K.K., come on.
♪ don't be a drag,
just be a queen ♪
♪ don't be a drag,
be a queen ♪
♪ don't be
a drag, be a queen. ♪
What're you looking for, 5-0?
Oh, ain't no po-po.
He's looking for
this real pussy
With that special
cherry on top.
Nilda, can I talk to you
for a minute?
I got nothing
to say to you.
That's okay.
I'll do all the talking.
You know this dude?
You heard the girl.
She ain't go nothing
to say to you.
What, are you her echo?
Maybe I am. You want
to find out, old man?
You keep talking that shit
and I'm gonna smack
a dress on you.
It's all right, tiffany.
We're good.
Yo, I'll be right back.
Yeah, neanderthal
to the core.
I get up when the sun does
and tend to my land.
I can't believe
you grew all this.
Of course.
D.I.Y. Or die, right?
I'm jealous.
Of what?
My bountiful bush here?
( laughs )
no, of how happy
it makes you.
Yeah.
You know what?
It actually really does.
I'm not really
the greatest at
dealing with people,
But plants, man--
I totally understand
them, right?
All they need is
the slightest bit of love
And they yield this.
Here, try one.
- They're good.
- Okay.
Oh, but you have to forgive me
if it tastes like bus exhaust.
It's still bushwick.
I like girls
more than I like boys.
I always have.
How can you know what
you want at this age?
Didn't you know what you liked
when you were 16 ?
So what was that that I saw
with you and wilfredo?
I could be with boys,
But it's more like I go
through the motions
And I can't wait
for it to be over.
And then when
I'm with a girl,
It's more like
I'm actually there.
Okay, I got you.
You gonna get mad
like my moms?
I mean, how could I?
Who you are and
who you want to see
yourself with,
Baby, that's your
business.
That's how you really feel?
Nilda, listen to me.
I understand
what it's like
For people
to see you differently
than you see yourself.
See, most of my life
I've been a badass.
Now I'm just trying
to be an honest person.
Like those fake-ass earrings
you tried to give my mother?
( exhales )
I have my moments.
( laughs )
Yeah.
Wait, you guys aren't
leaving, are you?
We're about to go
on a bike ride.
- School night.
I'm calling a car service.
- Yep.
- Really? Well, do you want
to come with us?
- What?
Yeah. No, come on,
it's gonna be a lot of fun.
What else are you gonna do?
Are you gonna go home
And live vicariously
through a real housewife
of who-gives-a-fuck?
Come on,
it'll make you happy.
The car will be here
in seven minutes.
Lulu, I think
I'm gonna ride bikes.
Wise choice.
♪ to know ♪
♪ see, I've been a bad
bad bad bad man... ♪
- You're not gonna say hello?
- Why should I say hello?
'cause that's what
nice people do.
Well, I'm not nice anymore.
- Do.
- Hey.
What up, cam?
Ben, what's up, man?
What up, do?
You good?
I'm cool.
I just wanted to apologize
face to face.
Okay.
I never meant to fuck
with your feelings at all
Or go behind your back.
I mean, this shit with
me and rachel happened
Like out of nowhere.
You know, we just--
I kinda never really
had a chance to ask.
I wanted to tell you
I'm sorry
For real.
I get it.
But you get that it's
kinda weird, right?
Totally.
If I thought that this shit
would happen the way
it happened--
Look, we don't have to
talk about it.
Let's just
keep it moving.
I'm happy cam
set this up, man,
And we finally got
a chance to talk about it.
Oh, he did, did he?
Kirstin and christin:
Oh yeah!
Domingo,
how you like me now?
I like you now,
kappo mac mode.
- This is
christin and kirsten.
- Hey.
- Hey.
- Our friends
from st. Louis.
- How are you doing? Domingo.
- Nice to meet you.
- Nice to meet you.
- Nice to meet you too.
- St. Louis?
- Mm-hmm, yes.
- Wow, midwest side.
- That's right.
You have to
meet my friend leon.
He's from cleveland.
Come on, man.
What up, g?
This is christin, kirsten,
cam, mac mode kappo.
Oh, leon, I like
that sweatshirt.
Oh, it's do's.
I'm just borrowing it.
So cute.
Why don't you tell 'em
it's crisp, man?
It says "crisp."
You guys are aware
that I've been wearing
The same exact hoodie
all night?
Oh, sorry.
Just it looks
different on him.
This is really soft.
Yeah, that's
the japanese cotton.
Let's throw these guys a bone
and write an order.
Nancy's your rep, right?
Yeah, nancy.
I'm gonna call that
slut right now.
Domingo:
Cheers to that shit.
( lock rattlg )
I made mofongo.
I'm not hungry.
I'll have a little.
I'm gonna go wash up.
Thanks for
bringing her home.
You can go.
Please, debbie,
give me another chance.
I'm sorry
about the earrings.
You think I care about
some goddamn earrings?
That's what makes me
songry.
I'm not even like that.
You should know that by now.
I'm trying to get
to know you, baby.
I just made a mistake.
You should've seen me
back in '97.
I was 17 years old
and doing music videos.
I was on top of it.
And I had everybody
buying me shit--
Expensive shit.
I've been with too many
gangsters in my life--
Filthy rich one day,
broke and locked up the next.
All I want is someone
I can count on,
Someone who isn't a cheat,
Somebody honest,
somebody stable.
That's what I want too.
Is he staying
to eat with us?
Eww.
To our favorite
new designers.
- Whoo!
- Yay crisp!
- Yay crisp.
- Yes.
I don't know why I didn't
think about these guys
for you sooner.
Woman:
Sorry, this one
didn't work either.
Oh shit. Really?
Oh, you know,
those fucking
Fraud protection alert
things.
- You know, I got it.
- Oh, no no no no, nancy.
- Nancy, absolutely not.
- Kirstin: Nancy, stop.
- No no, we'll--
- I insist. My pleasure.
Thank you.
Chrissie, afterparty
in our room?
- Love it.
- Kaplan: Love it.
( cheering )
I love you, kirsten.
I love you,
christin.
- I love you more.
- No, I love you more.
- I love you.
- I love you more.
You're a fucking hooker,
but I love you!
Your mom's a hooker!
Sorry.
There are not guys as cute
as you in st. Louis.
- No, I'm one of a kind.
- Yeah, well,
There's not girls
as cute as me in new york.
There are now.
( cheering )
- Are you good?
- Yeah.
Here.
Have a little whiskey
before we go.
Okay.
There's nothing like
drinking and driving, right?
I guess.
( laughs )
All right, motherfuckers.
What the fuck?
- Let's fucking go!
- ( cheering )
( car horns honking )
- Whoo!
- ( whistling )
Whoo!
Whoo!
Sweetheart, babydoll,
I think I'm gonna
call it a night.
I'm so tired.
Forgive me, hmm?
Oh okay, sweetie.
We'll talk lat-- ow!
Lady.
Let's go, ben.
You know what?
I'm gonna take a rain check.
I gotta get up
early in the morning.
Ben, come on.
Let's go. Let's play.
Next time.
Next time, I promise.
All right?
Next time.
- Lame.
- Have fun tonight.
These losers are bailing.
Let's go. Let's go.
The first is
bank and west 4th
And the second
will be...
Somewhere in brooklyn.
Greenpoint, please.
Thank you.
So I hope you're happy.
You guys just really
went for it, huh?
Made sure those girls
wrote you out an order.
You just threw
everything that I said
right out the window.
I'm sorry.
I guess I can be
kinda stubborn
When I get my mind
set on something.
It's not as cute
as you think.
Ben, no no no no.
- No, that's not--
- I'm sorry.
That's--
♪ waiting in the car ♪
♪ waiting for a ride ♪
♪ in the dark ♪
♪ the night city grows ♪
♪ look and see her eyes ♪
♪ they glow ♪
♪ waiting in a car ♪
♪ waiting for a ride ♪
♪ in the dark ♪
♪ drinking in the lounge ♪
♪ following the neon signs ♪
♪ waiting for a roar ♪
♪ looking at the mutating
skyline ♪
♪ the city is my church ♪
♪ it wraps me
in the sparkling twilight. ♪
♪ I need
a dollar dollar ♪
- ♪ a dollar,
hat's what I need ♪
- ♪ hey hey ♪
♪ well, I need
a dollar dollar ♪
- ♪ a dollar,
that's what I need ♪
- ♪ hey hey ♪
♪ said I need
a dollar dollar ♪
♪ a dollar,
that's what I need ♪
♪ and if I share
with you my story ♪
♪ would you share
your dollar with me? ♪
♪ well, I don't know if
I'm walking on solid ground ♪
♪ and all I want is ♪
♪ for someone to help me ♪
♪ and I need
a dollar dollar ♪
♪ a dollar,
that's what I need ♪
♪ and if I share
with you my story ♪
♪ would you share
your dollar with me? ♪
( dance music playing )
( crowd chattering )
- ( glass crashes )
- ( tim yelling )
Who the fuck
invited you anyway?
- Chill out, dude.
- I'm gonna fuck you
till you love it.
- Chill out.
- Oh, family style, dude.
And then I'm gonna
fucking stab you.
There she is.
She's coming.
( laughs loudly )
yo, that's hilarious, ben.
- You're funny, man.
- Whoa, is that nancy?
Oh hey. Hi.
Oh god,
I owe you a call.
You owe us
a meeting actually.
Do I?
We redid our lookbook.
To show your guy in l.A.
At south willard.
- Oh right, ryan.
- Ryan.
Oh shit.
You know what?
I'm gonna email him
right now.
- Thanks.
- Cool.
Those neanderthals
are effed the eff up.
- Yeah, that's
kinda their thing.
- So dirty, but you know what?
- Hmm?
- I kinda love it.
- Argh!
- Right? Totally.
Kirsten, christin,
- Meet cam and ben.
- Hi.
- How are you doing?
- Hello, ladies.
Wait, so you guys are
both named christin?
- Huh-uh.
- No.
- I'm kirsten
and this is christin.
- Got it.
So what do you say,
nancy?
- Shots and then we hit
the dior event?
- Whoo!
Ladies, you gotta
pace yourselves.
One night in new york
is like a month
st. Louis time.
Well, let's get this month
started, right?
- Party started.
- Ow!
Domingo:
Is he cool or--?
You know ben.
He doesn't hold grudges,
But he's not gonna fake
like everything is all right
When it isn't,
you know?
Yeah.
Hey, you don't think
he heard
About the details
or anything like that,
right?
Well, rachel
did do this one blog
About black dudes
versus jewish dudes.
That was you.
Ha ha, motherfucker.
Whatever.
For your services,
my friend.
Oh, don't be cheap.
Okay.
And check
this shit out.
What is this?
What did you do?
What could be
better than a weed spray
called rasta monsta?
It's the essence
of marijuana in a bottle.
Wait, you're not actually
selling these, right?
These are for fun?
It started off as
research and development,
But every time I sold it
to a regular,
They were fucking
going crazy for it.
It could be big, man.
Are you out of your mind?
If rene sees this,
he'll murder me and you.
Well, okay, cool,
But I'm not wasting
this shit.
Rene:
It's nothing about
the inside.
It's all about
the outside, baby.
- It's beautiful.
- I like the outside.
- Like that? Like the colors?
- Yeah, I like the green.
So everything in that
video is for real?
Even the jamaican guy?
He was so angry
I thought he was,
you know, an actor.
It's all real, my friend.
The streets of new york--
they don't lie.
You know, I've had kids
all week asking me,
"when am I gonna get
rasta monsta?"
Rasta monsta's
for the children.
Awesome.
Great to finally meet.
Looking forward to doing
business with you.
Oh, thank you.
Thank you.
Yeah, that's what
I'm talking about.
Rasta monsta
hits the suburbs.
Even the air smells
different out here.
Huh, boss?
You smell that?
Come on, mamita.
Pick up the phone, baby.
Ah, this is nice.
I like this.
What now?
I'm saying we busted out
of the bodega.
It's only a matter of time
now before we go national.
Yeah, it's a real fucking
significant moment right now.
Jabar:
Come on, boss.
It's time to celebrate.
Let's go to the ballet,
fellas.
Mega nortons--
Rated the second best
titty bar in new haven.
Why the fuck we ain't
going to the best one?
I called ahead.
No sneakers.
Fuck it.
Let's go.
And that's why it's called
the great american scissors
road test--
Because we'll actually
put the scissorso work
And see
what they can do.
It's like, why are fiskars
scissors so ubiquitous?
Similarly, does anyone
actually use
Pinking scissors anymore?
And so on.
Good.
Nice, montana.
I like it.
Rachel.
Did you have anything?
Yes, I do.
Um, I have not
printed it out yet,
But it's actually
not too dissimilar
From what montana was
pitching out.
But it was more like
basters.
You know, the--
the squeegee things
That you find
in the kitchen,
Sort of
investigate that.
Right. Okay.
See you later. Bye.
Oh my god, you guys,
I'm so sorry.
I mean, you schlepped
all the way up here.
Ryan left.
He went to l.A. Already.
He took the earlier flight.
Someone should he calledou.
I'm al sorry.
But, you know, listen,
he's here all the time.
We'll definitely
go out for coffee, drinks,
sushi-- whatever.
Well, what about
a conference call
Or a video chat?
Oh, I don't do that.
Seriously,
it's just too forced.
It's not my style.
Christin and kirsten.
You want a return, right?
Oh shit.
No, I'll take 'em.
These are the girls
from last night--
Buyers from gadzooks.
I'm babysitting them.
We're doing
business with them.
Just give me one second.
Hey, st. Louis
in the house.
- Both: Hey, nancy.
- Ooh, stereo.
Kirsten:
So we heard back
from phillip
And he didn't love
the neanderthal stuff
as much as we did.
Oh no.
We did kind of
expect that, right?
After all, it is still
the midwest, darlings.
Christin: Yeah, but we
still want to bring something
back super fresh.
We're getting killed
by pac-sun.
All right, let me think
about it for a few days
- And I'll come up
with something.
- Kirsten: Awesome.
Oh and hey, what's up with
the boom boom room? Because we
couldn't get in last night.
Christin:
And that was with kirsten
offering to blow the doorman.
- Kirsten: Shut up.
- Kidding.
I knew we should have
stayed at the standard.
All the boys at
the mondrian are busted.
Okay, well, let me make
a few phone calls
And I'll get back to you,
all right?
- Awesome.
- All right. Ciao, bellas.
Nancy, what about crisp
for them?
Oh no, that's not
the right fit,
Not where you should be
focusing your energies.
We've got plenty of energy
to go around.
Gadzooks?
They do huge volume.
I'm not even sure
if you guys could deliver.
Oh, come on,
we always deliver.
Oh, do you, ben?
Yeah.
Listen, guys,
Let's just focus
on making south willard happen.
All right?
I told you we should
have never done
Those freebie
st. Maximilian's
t-shirtsor her.
Now she's gonna
see us as amateurs,
like we can't do real business.
I don't know, man.
Have you ever seen
a gadzooks?
It's like
a department store.
It's not really
where I see crisp.
Well, start picturing it,
homey,
'cause until barneys
starts calling,
Piecing together
these little tiny orders
from store to store
Is not a way
to grow a business.
Isn't that
what you said to me?
Yeah.
And these girls can
order 500 sweatshirts
At once.
That would be nice.
And nobody in new york
would even know.
It's like that billboard
we saw of clooney,
remember?
Selling coffee in tokyo.
I mean, we'd be crazy
not to try to get
this order.
Our shit is so much better
than the neanderthals.
We should do it
on principle.
See what I'm saying?
I see what
you're saying, man.
( rap music playing )
Eddie:
Yo, see those up there?
I like those.
Yeah, they don't
have those in the city.
The city's too crowded.
Titties there need
to be more compact.
But here-- whoo!
They've got space
And they've got
fresh milk. Whoo!
What about you, boss?
Jabar:
Yeah, boss, you like
the compact city titties
Or these big old
country titties?
Damn, man, I get
no reception in here.
I'm sorry.
It's not you.
It's me.
Listen, not for nothing,
but if I was you, honey,
I would clone that ass.
I fucking need
to make a phone call.
Debbie's been giving him
the silent treatment, man.
His freaking head
is about to pop off.
You know, I've never seen
rene like this.
He's whupped, son.
( imitates whip crack )
Hey. What up?
- Hey.
- Sorry I'm late, man.
Yeah, so am I,
'cause I gotta go now.
What? I just got here.
I know, but you're like
25 minutes late.
Oh shit.
Sorry. I'm sorry.
I'm sorry.
I just--
now I have to go
To this meeting I didn't
have to go to before.
Okay. All good.
Do your thing,
miss magazine queen.
You look fresh today.
Um, so lulu and I
Are having dinner
with pals tonight.
Do you want to--
do you want to maybe
get drinks after or--?
Damn. My good friend
from cleveland,
Light skin leon's
in town.
And I promised him
to take him to a club.
So I don't think
it's gonna work.
Oh okay.
All right, we'll do it
another time then.
Yeah, cool.
I'm around.
Did you talk to ben
about us or whatever?
Yeah.
Yeah, I talked to him.
Okay, and?
He's cool.
Cool.
Yeah.
- All right,
I'll see you later.
- Yeah.
Bye.
Awkward as fuck, right?
( growls )
Honestly, you were
ridiculous.
I can't stop
thinking about it.
Oh, cam, you say that
to all the girls.
No, I don't.
- You got skills.
- Why, thank you.
- They're coming.
- Oh, let me call you back,
all right?
Yeah, sure.
See you.
( kirsten and christin
laughing )
- Tell me about the dress.
- It's black with
one sleeve and--
Kirsten, christin.
You guys were at the party
last night with nancy.
- Ben.
- Oh.
- Cam.
- Are you guys staying here?
- No, we're just here
for a meeting.
- Oh.
But do you want
to join us for a drink?
And sneak a peek before
we sell out spring 2012?
Sorry, guys, we're kind of--
office hours are over.
- Yeah.
- We're just trying
to unwind.
It's our last night
in ♪ new york. ♪
ooh ooh!
( laughter )
- It was nice seeing you guys.
- Yeah, you too.
Hey have you been
to the jane yet?
Uh, no.
We're trying to hit up
the boom boom room tonight.
- Ooh.
- The boom boom room?
- Nah.
- Forget that spot.
Nobody even goes there.
- Really?
- Cornball city.
- Oh.
- Yeah. No, jane's
where it's at tonight.
You know d.J. Doris?
Hottest party in new york.
That's where you gotta go.
But just be careful,
'cause the door can be
a little tricky.
Do you think you guys
could help us out?
( buzzes )
Debbie: Hello.
Let me in, baby.
Get out of here, rene,
you phony sack of shit.
Oh, come on, man.
I just need five
minutes, baby--
- Just five minutes.
- Five minutes?
You've already
wasted hours of my life
that I can never have back.
Come on, baby.
I'm standing
on my hands and knees
out here for you.
Let me in, please.
You are full of shit.
All right, so I'm not
on my hands and knees,
But you know what?
I'm gonna stand right here
till you let me in
And I'm gonna keep
buzzering your buzzer.
( buzzing )
Look, mami, I know--
I know what I did was wrong.
The truth is,
I can't even fuck with you
right now, rene.
I've got bigger problems
with nilda.
- Some shit's been happening.
- What?
She has been staying out
all night, falling in
with the wrong crowd.
They're filling her head
with ideas.
What kind of ideas?
Gay ideas.
She hasn't been coming home
and I can't sleep.
Baby, you want me
to talk to her?
For what?
So she can learn how to lie
and manipulate people?
Dude, so today at lunch
Domingo runs in, like,
30 minutes late.
You shouldn't take
that personally.
He runs on
weed dealer time.
There it is.
Maybe now that
ben knows about it
It's like
the mystery is gone.
That's a brutally honest
way of looking at it.
Wow.
- Oh my god, I'm starving.
- Yeah, me too.
- Mm, pickles.
- There's a lot of pickles.
Oh my god.
Lulu d actually
made it to bushwick.
Are you kidding me?
It's good to see you.
Oh look, she brought
her highbrow friend
with her too.
- Hey.
- This is rachel--
my bodyguard.
- Oh hi, my bodyguard.
- Hi.
Yeah, I think we've
actually met before.
I'm tim.
Yeah, I we have, yeah.
- Yeah. This is heather.
- Hey.
- Hey.
- Hello.
So what's-- what's up
with all the pickles?
- We make them here.
- What?
Yeah, and we just got
the lot next door.
We're gonna
expand the garden
and grow grapes.
Wow, very sustainable
of you.
Fuck sustainability.
I am gonna coppola the shit
out of this place.
And I'm gonna put
all these fucking hipsters
to work for me making wine.
- Okay.
- Yeah, do you want
to see the garden?
Yeah, I want to--
I want to see the garden.
- ( distant siren wailing )
- ( sighs )
- Carlos.
- There he is.
This is christin and kirsten
from st. Louis.
- Hello.
- The show me state.
Get this one drunk
and she'll show you it all.
My brother,
what's my new nickname?
I don't know, man.
Come on. Young gekko--
call me young gekko.
What's up?
New york fucking city,
bitches!
- Yeah!
- That's what
I'm talking about.
Wow, total disrespect
for the dom.
I gotta respect that.
Yo, thanks for
hooking it up, kappo.
Man, this-- this could
all be gone tomorrow.
That's why we need
to enjoy it tonight.
Good looking out, kappo.
Thank you.
You do know how to show
us heartland girls
A good time, mr. Kaplan.
It is my pleasure,
kirsten.
Mm, I'm christin.
Yeah.
You said kirsten.
Fucking love you, girl.
Kirsten, christin,
we wanted to tell you
About our line crisp.
We make tees and hoodies.
Not to be those dudes,
but we heard that you guys
liked the neanderthals,
And if you take a look,
our line is undeniably
more fresh.
Boo. Business.
- If you see something you like,
we'll ship it to st. Louis.
- Yeah.
Oh, I see
something I like.
I just don't know
if you can ship it.
Okay, I gotta go tinkle.
K.K., come on.
♪ don't be a drag,
just be a queen ♪
♪ don't be a drag,
be a queen ♪
♪ don't be
a drag, be a queen. ♪
What're you looking for, 5-0?
Oh, ain't no po-po.
He's looking for
this real pussy
With that special
cherry on top.
Nilda, can I talk to you
for a minute?
I got nothing
to say to you.
That's okay.
I'll do all the talking.
You know this dude?
You heard the girl.
She ain't go nothing
to say to you.
What, are you her echo?
Maybe I am. You want
to find out, old man?
You keep talking that shit
and I'm gonna smack
a dress on you.
It's all right, tiffany.
We're good.
Yo, I'll be right back.
Yeah, neanderthal
to the core.
I get up when the sun does
and tend to my land.
I can't believe
you grew all this.
Of course.
D.I.Y. Or die, right?
I'm jealous.
Of what?
My bountiful bush here?
( laughs )
no, of how happy
it makes you.
Yeah.
You know what?
It actually really does.
I'm not really
the greatest at
dealing with people,
But plants, man--
I totally understand
them, right?
All they need is
the slightest bit of love
And they yield this.
Here, try one.
- They're good.
- Okay.
Oh, but you have to forgive me
if it tastes like bus exhaust.
It's still bushwick.
I like girls
more than I like boys.
I always have.
How can you know what
you want at this age?
Didn't you know what you liked
when you were 16 ?
So what was that that I saw
with you and wilfredo?
I could be with boys,
But it's more like I go
through the motions
And I can't wait
for it to be over.
And then when
I'm with a girl,
It's more like
I'm actually there.
Okay, I got you.
You gonna get mad
like my moms?
I mean, how could I?
Who you are and
who you want to see
yourself with,
Baby, that's your
business.
That's how you really feel?
Nilda, listen to me.
I understand
what it's like
For people
to see you differently
than you see yourself.
See, most of my life
I've been a badass.
Now I'm just trying
to be an honest person.
Like those fake-ass earrings
you tried to give my mother?
( exhales )
I have my moments.
( laughs )
Yeah.
Wait, you guys aren't
leaving, are you?
We're about to go
on a bike ride.
- School night.
I'm calling a car service.
- Yep.
- Really? Well, do you want
to come with us?
- What?
Yeah. No, come on,
it's gonna be a lot of fun.
What else are you gonna do?
Are you gonna go home
And live vicariously
through a real housewife
of who-gives-a-fuck?
Come on,
it'll make you happy.
The car will be here
in seven minutes.
Lulu, I think
I'm gonna ride bikes.
Wise choice.
♪ to know ♪
♪ see, I've been a bad
bad bad bad man... ♪
- You're not gonna say hello?
- Why should I say hello?
'cause that's what
nice people do.
Well, I'm not nice anymore.
- Do.
- Hey.
What up, cam?
Ben, what's up, man?
What up, do?
You good?
I'm cool.
I just wanted to apologize
face to face.
Okay.
I never meant to fuck
with your feelings at all
Or go behind your back.
I mean, this shit with
me and rachel happened
Like out of nowhere.
You know, we just--
I kinda never really
had a chance to ask.
I wanted to tell you
I'm sorry
For real.
I get it.
But you get that it's
kinda weird, right?
Totally.
If I thought that this shit
would happen the way
it happened--
Look, we don't have to
talk about it.
Let's just
keep it moving.
I'm happy cam
set this up, man,
And we finally got
a chance to talk about it.
Oh, he did, did he?
Kirstin and christin:
Oh yeah!
Domingo,
how you like me now?
I like you now,
kappo mac mode.
- This is
christin and kirsten.
- Hey.
- Hey.
- Our friends
from st. Louis.
- How are you doing? Domingo.
- Nice to meet you.
- Nice to meet you.
- Nice to meet you too.
- St. Louis?
- Mm-hmm, yes.
- Wow, midwest side.
- That's right.
You have to
meet my friend leon.
He's from cleveland.
Come on, man.
What up, g?
This is christin, kirsten,
cam, mac mode kappo.
Oh, leon, I like
that sweatshirt.
Oh, it's do's.
I'm just borrowing it.
So cute.
Why don't you tell 'em
it's crisp, man?
It says "crisp."
You guys are aware
that I've been wearing
The same exact hoodie
all night?
Oh, sorry.
Just it looks
different on him.
This is really soft.
Yeah, that's
the japanese cotton.
Let's throw these guys a bone
and write an order.
Nancy's your rep, right?
Yeah, nancy.
I'm gonna call that
slut right now.
Domingo:
Cheers to that shit.
( lock rattlg )
I made mofongo.
I'm not hungry.
I'll have a little.
I'm gonna go wash up.
Thanks for
bringing her home.
You can go.
Please, debbie,
give me another chance.
I'm sorry
about the earrings.
You think I care about
some goddamn earrings?
That's what makes me
songry.
I'm not even like that.
You should know that by now.
I'm trying to get
to know you, baby.
I just made a mistake.
You should've seen me
back in '97.
I was 17 years old
and doing music videos.
I was on top of it.
And I had everybody
buying me shit--
Expensive shit.
I've been with too many
gangsters in my life--
Filthy rich one day,
broke and locked up the next.
All I want is someone
I can count on,
Someone who isn't a cheat,
Somebody honest,
somebody stable.
That's what I want too.
Is he staying
to eat with us?
Eww.
To our favorite
new designers.
- Whoo!
- Yay crisp!
- Yay crisp.
- Yes.
I don't know why I didn't
think about these guys
for you sooner.
Woman:
Sorry, this one
didn't work either.
Oh shit. Really?
Oh, you know,
those fucking
Fraud protection alert
things.
- You know, I got it.
- Oh, no no no no, nancy.
- Nancy, absolutely not.
- Kirstin: Nancy, stop.
- No no, we'll--
- I insist. My pleasure.
Thank you.
Chrissie, afterparty
in our room?
- Love it.
- Kaplan: Love it.
( cheering )
I love you, kirsten.
I love you,
christin.
- I love you more.
- No, I love you more.
- I love you.
- I love you more.
You're a fucking hooker,
but I love you!
Your mom's a hooker!
Sorry.
There are not guys as cute
as you in st. Louis.
- No, I'm one of a kind.
- Yeah, well,
There's not girls
as cute as me in new york.
There are now.
( cheering )
- Are you good?
- Yeah.
Here.
Have a little whiskey
before we go.
Okay.
There's nothing like
drinking and driving, right?
I guess.
( laughs )
All right, motherfuckers.
What the fuck?
- Let's fucking go!
- ( cheering )
( car horns honking )
- Whoo!
- ( whistling )
Whoo!
Whoo!
Sweetheart, babydoll,
I think I'm gonna
call it a night.
I'm so tired.
Forgive me, hmm?
Oh okay, sweetie.
We'll talk lat-- ow!
Lady.
Let's go, ben.
You know what?
I'm gonna take a rain check.
I gotta get up
early in the morning.
Ben, come on.
Let's go. Let's play.
Next time.
Next time, I promise.
All right?
Next time.
- Lame.
- Have fun tonight.
These losers are bailing.
Let's go. Let's go.
The first is
bank and west 4th
And the second
will be...
Somewhere in brooklyn.
Greenpoint, please.
Thank you.
So I hope you're happy.
You guys just really
went for it, huh?
Made sure those girls
wrote you out an order.
You just threw
everything that I said
right out the window.
I'm sorry.
I guess I can be
kinda stubborn
When I get my mind
set on something.
It's not as cute
as you think.
Ben, no no no no.
- No, that's not--
- I'm sorry.
That's--
♪ waiting in the car ♪
♪ waiting for a ride ♪
♪ in the dark ♪
♪ the night city grows ♪
♪ look and see her eyes ♪
♪ they glow ♪
♪ waiting in a car ♪
♪ waiting for a ride ♪
♪ in the dark ♪
♪ drinking in the lounge ♪
♪ following the neon signs ♪
♪ waiting for a roar ♪
♪ looking at the mutating
skyline ♪
♪ the city is my church ♪
♪ it wraps me
in the sparkling twilight. ♪