How We Roll (2022–…): Season 1, Episode 10 - The PTQ - full transcript

All right, looks like
we're ready to hit the road.

Is it okay if we don't get
all emotional this time?

I don't get emotional when
he leaves for tournaments.

I'm not talking to you.

I had allergies.

Go ahead, check the pollen count
for that day.

I wish I could come, Dad.

I've never been to
one of your tournaments.

I know, pal.
I wish you could come, too.

I wish you could all come,
but this is the Milwaukee PTQ.

It's my last chance to qualify
for the World Series of Bowling.



I need no distractions.

Tom's right.
The World Series can get him

into every PBA major next year.

Bigger tournaments mean
bigger money.

That's right, and we're gonna
need that for the off season.

Tom and I have
a routine that works:

Just the two of us,
no distractions.

That's our secret weapon.

Yeah, mine is a sock
full of nickels

that I've got hidden
under my mattress.

You understand,
though, right, Sam?

I guess.

I'm gonna go back to sleep.
Good luck, Dad.

- Thanks, buddy.
- We'll wake you up for school.



Wanna walk me out
to the truck,

say goodbye?

Well, it depends.
What's the pollen count?

What?

Are you okay? No. I'm so nervous.

This is a huge tournament
for you, for all of us.

I know you're under
a ton of pressure,

but are you sure that
you don't want me to come?

Honey, you know I'd love
for you to be there,

but I invite you,
I'd have to invite my mom.

You know how she can be.Ugh.

Okay, I get it.

I'm gonna go back to bed.

Good luck, babe.Thanks.

I like your butt.

I like your butt.

Oh, Tommy, are you sure you
don't want me to come with?

A boy can always use his mother.

Ma, you know I'd love
for you to be there,

but if I invite you,
I have to invite Jen.

You know how she can be.

Yeah, well, at least you and I
know the truth, right?

Right.

Good luck, son.

Thank you. Don't suck.

We did the right thing.
Oh, hell yeah, we did.

We gotta stick with the same
routine that we always do.

Pe-goots-ka.

Right.

What?

Practice... "peh."

Okay, watch game tape of
how the lanes are breaking...

"Goot."

Sleep... "ss."

Then kick ass... "ka."

Pegootska!

Rolls right off the tongue.Right.

As much as I want
everyone there,

it's the wrong move.

I need total focus,
no distractions.

"Pegrunska."

"Pegrunska"?

"Pendadota."

Pendadota.

Pegoo... Pegoot... Pegrats.

Pegootska!
It's easy!

Honey, calm down,
please. Sam is fine.

We just don't have time
to turn around 'cause

I gotta get to Milwaukee
to get my practice time in.

Okay. I love you.Goodbye.

Your mom is not very happy
with you, young man.

Frankly, neither am I.

I'm sorry, I just really
wanted to see you bowl.

I promise I won't be
in your way.

All right. Fine.

I can't believe Sam would
pull a stunt like this.

Oh, come on. By the time
I was his age

I had already taken my first
joyride on a street sweeper.

Cleaned half the roads
in my neighborhood

before they busted me.

Not helping. Sam would never
make it in juvie.

He hates sleepovers.

Well, this might cheer you up.

I handed out fliers
at a high school for our salon.

Got us booked solid
through prom season.

I also set up
a scheduling system

on our Google page,
and organized

all the combs by height.

You have been really productive

since you started this
sex cleanse.

I know. I just realized
that sleeping around

was a distraction from
what I really want.

It's been six weeks,

and I've never felt
such a sense of clarity.

I may never go back
to having sex.

What's so funny?

Oh, please say
that bastard squirrel

finally got snatched up
by a hawk.

Sorry, no such luck.

This day!

It's turning into a real
steaming cow pie.

That fuzzy rat lives on
to taunt me,

and Sam pulled
a sneaky, underhanded move

that I should have
thought of first.

Why aren't you guys going
to Tom's tournament?

Isn't it a big one?

The biggest
one yet, but...

us being there
adds to his pressure,

so we all agreed to just send

our love and support from here.

Yeah, and Tommy made it
pretty clear who he wants there

and who he doesn't.

Exactly.

So, Lew, you in charge
while Archie's away?

Yep, he said he has
full confidence

in my managerial abilities.

Plus, he couldn't afford to
close the alley for two days,

so he...

Well, listen,
you're out of straws.

And I don't drink
straight from the glass.

I'm not an animal.

Not a problem.

I'll just go
to the supply room...

Uh-oh.

Yeah, I lost the key.

Is that a big deal?

No, nope, no.

No, it's nothing
to freak out about.

But it is on the same ring
as the key to the front door,

and I am freaking
the hell out about that.

I'm gonna have to call Archie
and tell him.

Cool, I've never seen somebody

get murdered
over the phone before.

Wait.

Wait, no, no, no,
Tom has an extra set of keys

for when he comes
to the alley early.

I can just call Jen and ask
if she can bring them over.

Oh, thank you, Jesus.

You know, I'm a good guy.

Why can't I have any joy
in my life?

What are you doing?

Uh, I'm meditating.

You know, clearing my mind.

Oh.

Why?

Um, it-it helps me
concentrate.

Before I practice...

Sam, I-I really have to do this,

so no more questions
about meditating, okay?

Okay.

Ba-bam!

Yeah, we're
all signed in.

Now we only got this lane

for half an hour...
You done meditating?

Evidently.

Well, good.

Shoot,
let's rock and bowl, baby.

There you are!

Jen?

You and I are gonna
have a talk.

Okay, can we have a talk
before you guys have a talk?

Whoa, whoa, whoa,
whoa, whoa, whoa!

Can I talk before you go
talk about his talk?

We got to bowl!

Good talk.

Just one second.

What are you doing here?

I did not come
to bother you.

I just came for Sam.

I'm gonna take him home.

Sounds good.Mm-hmm.

It's actually a huge relief.

Say no more... this is
the most important 24 hours

of our lives, and our future
sort of depends on how you do.

Which is not what you should
be thinking about right now,

even if it's all that I can.

I really think
after you said, "Say no more,"

you could've said no more.

All right, we're running
out of practice time.

- Let them go, we got to go.
- Okay, you got this.

You got this.

Why isn't he bowling?

Well, that was
a total waste of time.

If I wanted to watch a dummy
standing around doing nothing,

I'd have just gone
to the wax museum.

It wasn't my fault.

I couldn't focus or concentrate.

And you never want to
go to the wax museum.

We're sorry, Tom.
We didn't mean to distract you.

Already blew the "peh,"

but we still have
the "gootska."

We're just gonna grab
Sam's stuff,

and we'll be out of your hair.

Oh!

Don't worry, Tommy.
Mama's here,

and I'm cooking dinner.

Ma, what the hell
are you doing here? Well, I could ask

the same thing to Miss "I'm
just going out for some beer"

when you know
that I always keep a six-pack

in my go bag.

Hey, for your information,

I just came to get
Sam and leave.

Hey, but if she's staying,
so am I. It's only fair.

Okay? Besides,

it's me and Sam's future
riding on how he does.

Which you should completely
not be thinking about

right now.

Again, sweetheart,
the way warnings work

is you give them
before you freak someone out.

All right, all right,
all right. What Tommy needs

is just some of his mother's
Crock-Pot lasagne.

It's your favorite.

Ooh!

Please tell me the edges
are all crispy like I like it.

Arch.

- Come on, man.
- Uh, he...

He-He's right.
You shouldn't be here.Oh.

But I missed my shnookie.

Come on. Wh-What happened
to our secret weapon?

Pegootska.
Pegootska. Pegootska.

Okay, look,

everybody just
needs to calm down.

Tom and I will get
another motel room,

and he can study his game
tape in peace and quiet.

Okay? Well, that's not gonna work.

Everything's booked up
for the tournament.

This is great.

- This is just great.
- Okay,

bup-bup-bup-bup-bup. Tom,

calm down. You sit here.

Sit. Here's your laptop.

Okay. And we will all be
completely quiet

while you study tape

and enjoy some of your mother's
delicious lasagne.

- All right, all right. Okay. Yes.
- Okay. Thank you.

Okay.

Uh-oh.

Son of a...

It's over there,
it's over there.

Go. Go.

Hello?

Sorry, we're clo...

Oh, hi.

I mean, hi.

I'm Tia. Jen asked me
to drop off this key.

Are you Lew? Yes, I am.

Yep. We-We've
actually met before.

We have? Yeah. We went
to high school together?

Y-You were... You were
a cheerleader. I was in band.

You were in a band?

Nah, I was in band.

Oh.I was in band. Yeah.

The marching band.

Well, sorry.
I'm terrible with faces.

You wouldn't believe
how many guys

I've woken up next to
and was like, "Have we met?"

Same here.

What?

Uh, well, uh, here you go, Lew.Yes.

Thank you.

Um, let me go
just make sure it works.Yeah.

Yeah.

Just one second here.

Okay.

Uh-oh.

You know what? It...

It's probably all them weights
I've been lifting.

That's what it is.

You probably should call
a locksmith, I guess?

Yes. Uh...

Oh, it's-it's too late.

I'm not gonna be able
to get anyone out here

until morning. So what are you gonna do?

I mean, you can't keep
the door unlocked all night.

It's not a big deal.

You know, I-I'll
just hang out here until then.

My mom... My-my roommate.

My roommate.
My roommate will understand.

I thought firemen
were supposed to be nice.

America's heroes, my sweet ass.

I can't believe
they would evacuate

an entire motel
over one smoke detector.

Or that the people upstairs
are clearly filming a porno.

What I can't believe

is they had to take the
lasagne as "evidence."

Lying bastards.
You know damn well

they going to town on
that thing right now.

Okay, all right. Enough.

I didn't get to practice
or watch game tape.

The "pegoot" is out the window.

If I want a shot at the "ska,"

I need to rest. Right now.

Okay, okay. Everyone, I...
It's really late.

We're all on edge.

Let's just go to bed.

That bed?

Okay.

Ow.Shh. Shh!

Can someone get the light?

I'll get the light.

Unbelievable.

- Unbelievable!
- H-Honey,

- calm down. It was an accident.
- Okay, look,

this is not a vacation for me.
I am at work right now.

We're all uncomfortable.
Someone has their foot

parked between my cheeks

like a bike rack.

This isn't about you.

This isn't about any of you.
I-It's my ass

- that's on the line tomorrow.
- Hey,

take it easy.

I don't have that luxury.

If I make one mistake tomorrow,

one mistake,
this whole thing goes away.

All the pressure's on me!

Okay, honey, it's gonna be okay.

You don't know that.
I don't know that.

- What are you saying, Tommy?
- TOM: I'm saying

you shouldn't have come.

Enjoy the bed. I...
I'm gonna sleep in the tub.

Can I get a pillow, please?

Can I get a white one?

They don't wash these!

Hey, thanks again
for staying with me.

I haven't been going out much
since I started my sex cleanse.

Oh, sex cleanse? What's that?
Like, doing it in the shower?

No, it's like
not doing it at all.

I just felt like my life
was out of control,

and I was sleeping
with every other guy I met.

You know, the old me

would probably be going at it
with you right now.

Oh.

Well,

good riddance, old her.

So...

You okay?

So, what's your number?

- Oh, it's 989-79...
- No,

I meant, like,
your number number.

Like how many people
you've slept with.

Oh.

Oh, it's okay.
You don't have to tell me.

No, it's okay. I could
tell you. It's, uh...

How about we say it
at the same time?

Okay.

It's three.31.

Three-tee-one!

What the heck? It's
the same as you.

That's wild!

That's so crazy.

Oh, good morning.

Damn mattress
was a little too soft.

Was it?

Do you have the imprint
of a nonslip shower mat

on your back
and most of your ass?

Well, somebody woke up
on the wrong side of the tub.

What's going on?
Where is everybody?

They went home.

What?

Were they mad? No.

Matter of fact, they told me to
tell you that they were wrong

and they shouldn't have
come and they're sorry.

Okay. That's good.
That's good.

That's what we wanted.
Now-now we can salvage

what's left
of this tournament.

I mean, if you think
I have a chance.

Yeah, when you got
the best coach in the world,

you always have a chance.

All right, put some pants
on that nonslip ass.

Let's get the hell
up out of here, man.

You're going
to the free breakfast,

aren't you? Damn right, I'm going
to free breakfast.

Ugh.

Well, that was
an interesting night.

I don't remember anything
after our karaoke duet.

That was fun.

I never sang
"Islands in the Stream" before.

Oh, no, no, I have.

Just not the man's part.Right.

- Oh!
- Oh!

Wait.

Wait, did we...?

No. You had
way too much to drink,

and I was a perfect gentleman.

Well,

phew.

But I had an amazing time
with you.

You're a really great guy.

Morning.

I'll have the usual
for breakfast,

but for lunch,
I'm thinking I'll get a...

Whoa.

What the hell happened here?

Nothing.

Hey.

How you feeling? Cramped. Achy.

Think that bathtub gave me
athlete's foot on my face.

I got athlete's face, Archie.

I didn't watch tape.
I didn't practice.

I don't know how the hell
I'm gonna beat these guys. All right,

listen, don't think
about that right now, okay?

Close your eyes
for a minute.

Just concentrate
on what's really important.

Why you're doing this,
who you're doing it for.

That's the only thing
that matters.

Arch, I messed up, man.

I-I screwed up big-time.

All right, listen,
you need to relax.

This happens sometimes

when you're under stress.

I brought extra underwear.

Not that!

I-I-I meant my family.

They're what
matters most to me.

I mean, Sam was only asking me
all those questions

because he's proud of what I do.

And Jen drove all the way here
just to help me out.

My mom sped through three states

with a Crock-Pot
on her dashboard

just so I could have
my favorite meal,

and what did I do?

I-I yelled at them for it.

You did.

I wouldn't be here without them.

I shouldn't be here
without them.

Oh, don't worry, man.

You worry too much.

Got the best damn coach
out of all these chumps.

I'm sorry, Arch. A good coach
is not what I need right now.

I need to make this right.

Jen, hey. Listen,

I am so sorry
I yelled like that.

I-I...
Could you maybe come back?

Sweetheart, I-I'm having
a hard time hearing you.

It sounds...

It sounds like you're
in a really big crowd.

I called them and told
them to turn around.

Like I said,

best damn coach.

"Bedooca."

Rolls right off the tongue.

Thanks, Arch.

You want to know
how to thank me?

Take your bath mat
ass out there

and bring this
thing home, okay?

For all of us.

You got this, honey!

Go, Dad! Yeah, son!

You can wipe the floor
with these hamburger clowns!

You want to tell your family
to pipe down?

No.

No, I do not.

Plus, they would... They
wouldn't listen to me, anyway.

Yeah!

Thank you, Lew. Fresh beer.

Yes, yes, yes. Fresh beer. Drink up.

First place in PTQ.
I'm so proud of you.

- Thank you.
- That's right, baby. You did it.

- World Series of Bowling, here we come.
- Let's go.

Yeah. Can't wait.

But maybe let's book
a hotel room with two beds?

Maybe a softer tub?

I want to make a toast. All right.

Looks like Archie and I
have a new secret weapon:

All of you.

We're all in this together.
Pegootska!

Pegootska!

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