How I Met Your Mother (2005–2014): Season 7, Episode 20 - Trilogy Time - full transcript
As Ted, Marshall, and Barney get together for their annual viewing of the original Star Wars trilogy, Ted begins to question if he will ever end up where he wants to be - especially now that Barney and Quinn are getting serious.
Chester,
you're not even dressed.
- The reservation is in 15 minutes.
- Shh!
He's back.
Every night
at exactly 8:00 p.m.,
the well-dressed
blond man appears.
Chuck and Joanne
are going to be waiting.
You don't understand!
Every night, he does this.
Every single night.
He steps out of this building,
walks exactly seven paces,
stops,
and smiles.
Honey, I am worried about you.
Is he trying to communicate
with someone?
Is he trying
to communicate with me?
Why is he doing this?!
But aside from not being able
to fart in the apartment,
how's living with Quinn?
Oh, it's great.
Yep.
Living with Quinn is great.
Great, great,
great... great.
So how bad is it?
Pretty bad.
Last night,
I had just come back
from my 8:00 fart.
Sure.
Go on.
Still no mail.
I think they only deliver it
once a day.
Hey, listen,
when I moved in here,
I sold all my stuff
because I know you like
your place as is,
and I was totally fine
with that.
Would it be okay
if instead of using
your coffee mugs,
we use mine?
Hmm...
No.
Barney, she got rid
of all of her stuff for you.
Oh, I see what this
is really about.
Yeah, mugs.
Coffee?
Tea?
Eh, religion.
This is about the fact
that you don't think
this relationship
is gonna last.
That's why you don't want
to throw anything out.
Because when
that inevitable breakup comes,
you don't want to buy new mugs.
That's why I've never
thrown anything out
for any relationship ever.
Isn't that right, honey?
Oh, that's right. I'm alone.
Lily, here's the thing.
It's my apartment,
and I need to assert
my dominance as a man.
Don't ever say that...
to any girl ever.
Too late.
What did you just say to me?
- She gave up her apartment for you!
- You said that to her?!
Okay, you know what?
I don't have to sit here and
take this from you ladies.
I'm going to Ted's.
The man cave,
where guys can be guys.
- Assert your dominance?
- It's like you have no respect for women.
- What is wrong with you?
- You have a mother!
You guys, too?
I'm going to the Y for a shvitz.
No, dude, hold on.
You're not going anywhere.
It's trilogy time.
- Kids, here's the deal-
It all started a long time ago
in a dorm room far, far away.
Dude, if we fail
this econ final,
for the rest of our lives
we're not gonna be able to...
We won't know how to...
Do you even know what econ is?
No idea. We're screwed.
But there's only one thing
left to do at at time like this.
Watch the entire Star Wars
trilogy all the way through
because I haven't done that
in, like, five years.
Dude, you can't let that happen.
If you're not trilling it
at least once every three years,
the Dark Side wins.
Okay, let's make a pact.
No matter what,
every three years,
we sit down
and trill it up big time.
Agreed?
A-Greedo.
Wow.
2003, I mean...
What's that gonna be like?
Hey, Ted.
Sweet hair.
I told you it would
eventually stop growing out
and start growing down.
Anyway, I'm just working
on designing
yet another skyscraper.
And I'm carrying this briefcase
because now
I'm a successful lawyer...
I like that.
Can I make one adjustment?
With a cool mustache.
Nice.
And who knows, by then,
you and Lily might be engaged.
Engaged? Bro, I'm gonna do
way better than that.
Ah, being pregnant
is so much fun.
I want to do this
four more times.
Oh, baby, how do you feel
after spending all day
working on your art,
since I make enough to
support us both financially?
Horny.
I hope we don't
bother you, Ted,
because even though
we're married and pregnant,
it still makes sense
that we all share
adult-sized bunk beds.
So, Star Wars?
Sure, I don't have to be at work
until late afternoon-ish
because my boss appreciates that
I like to stay up late
drinking and...
rocking out with our band.
Did someone say rocking out?
Whoa, who's the babe?
That's the best part.
Guys, you remember
my awesome girlfriend
who was a virgin until we met?
Mm-hmm.
My name's Rhiannon,
like the Stevie Nicks song.
I'm hot, but in a crunchy,
earthy kind of way.
Oh, and I'm from England.
Nice.
Okay, Star Wars time.
But first, we jam.
Good thing I spent
the last three years
learning to wail on guitar.
Babe.
Yup, our band is
gonna be in demand.
And luckily,
there'll be plenty of supply.
Supply? Demand?
Dude, do you realize
what we just did?
We used econ.
We're gonna ace this final.
We both got zeroes.
Oh, dude,
2003 is gonna be awesome.
"Satisfaction"?
"Hot Cross Buns."
Well, keep it up, bro.
So, you ready to watch
the trilogy?
I don't know.
I mean, I really thought
that by now I'd be a lawyer
with a kick-ass mustache,
but I still haven't even
gotten into law school,
and my facial hair
just grows in patchy.
Just red and patchy.
Come on.
Your life's not that bad.
Dude, I manage a Structure.
But you get 10% off vests.
That's something.
- The vests are pretty sweet, but, look...
- Yeah.
Lily and I aren't married.
We don't have a baby
on the way.
But we did get
the cool apartment.
That we can barely afford.
I mean, I don't see
any way that our lives
are better now than they
were three years ago.
Oh, really, Marshall?
Nothing comes to mind?
By the way, guys, this is Lisa.
You'll be seeing
a lot more of Lisa.
And they never saw her again.
Whassaaaa!
Okay,
three years ago,
we had this whole fantasy
about how great
our lives were gonna be,
and it didn't pan out.
But I'm telling you,
three years from now,
when we're watching
the trilogy in 2006,
our lives are gonna be awesome.
Ah, hello, Ted.
I'm an environmental lawyer now.
Sure, it's not
the most lucrative field,
but luckily I have
the cash and prizes
from my historic seven-week run
on Wheel of Fortune...
Can I just make
one little adjustment?
For which I was knighted
by Her Majesty, the Queen.
Ah, Lady Aldrin.
Oh, Sir Marshall.
I cannot wait to get a house
down the street
from your parents
so we can be close to your mom,
whom I get along with now.
Good, good.
But here's the best part.
Rhiannon, hurry!
Just because I designed
the opera house
doesn't mean they'll hold
the curtain for us.
Just kidding.
Of course it does.
Take your time, my love.
Hey, guys, it's me again.
I'm pretty much
the same as last time,
only now I'm super-rich
and fancy.
And it still makes sense
that we all live together.
What about you, Barney?
Any predictions for 2006?
Oh, yeah. Picture it.
By the way, guys, this is Jody.
You'll be seeing
a lot more of Jody.
And they never saw her again.
Whassaaaa!
How is that any different
from your life right now?
It's not. I'm KFC, baby.
You don't mess
with the Colonel's recipe.
I want things to stay
exactly the same,
but with a different hottie.
'Cause Barney don't slurp
no sloppy seconds,
especially his own.
Okay, the bottom line is
things are gonna get better.
Well, all I care about is
getting into law school.
You will.
2006 is gonna be awesome.
And look what happened.
You got into law school,
just like I said you would.
See, things aren't so bad.
Lily left me.
And now I'll never have
a mustache.
Baby, there you are.
I have spent all day thinking
about all the naughty,
naughty things
you and I are gonna do
to cheer up Marshall.
Like what?
Um...
Uh, I'll you guys
hang out, okay?
Um, I'll just be...
waiting in the bedroom.
Oh, I'm sorry.
I-I didn't mean that
to sound like Ted and I are
gonna do a kind of thing.
Okay, okay.
See you.
Marshall, this will pass.
Trust me.
Three years from now...
Briefcase, lawyer,
knighthood, mustache,
all that stuff from before.
Congratulations, bro.
And congratulations
to you too, Ted,
for locking this down.
You know, it's weird,
I never thought I
would get married,
but you talked me into it.
Or rather, banged me into it.
You're so good in bed, ooh.
How is this helping me?
I'm getting to it.
In three years, not only
will Lily be back, but...
It's so nice to be married
to a wonderful guy
and be carrying his child.
I think you're being
kind of optimistic, Ted.
Can I make
one little adjustment?
It's so nice to be married
to a wonderful guy
and carrying his child,
and here he is now.
Guys, I want you to meet
some douchey guy named Trey.
- 'Sup, bro?
- Mmm.
I don't know what I love more:
His thick mustache
or his trucker hat.
You know I hate those hats.
Then you're really gonna
hate this sonogram.
Nooo...
ooo...!
A baby in a trucker hat.
That's awesome.
Anyway, Ted's right.
2009's gonna rule.
By the way, guys, this is Maya.
You'll be seeing
a lot more of Maya.
And they never saw her again.
Whassaaaa!
Okay, seriously,
at least tell me you're gonna
change the what will by then be
nine-year-old beer
commercial reference.
I mean, come on.
There's got to be
at least one way
that you'd like the future
to be different.
I guess there is one thing.
By the way, guys, this is Maya.
You'll be seeing
a lot more of Maya.
And not because of these these.
Because of these.
Back boobs--
the visual stimulation
of missionary meets
the emotional detachment
of doggy-style.
Patent pending.
Whassaaaa!
The point is, Marshall,
this time in three years,
everything is gonna be great.
See? Lily came back.
Of course, Robin and I
didn't end up together.
But I did get engaged.
And left at the altar.
But I did start
my own architectural firm.
And it failed
after a few months.
- Can we put the movie on, please?
- Yeah.
Sure, buddy.
Hey, by the way,
where is Robin?
In the summer of 2009,
Barney and Robin
were secretly dating.
Oh, uh, Barney said she's
taking some extension class
in how to decoupage,
and Barney's taking
a different decoupage class
in the same building.
That's why they shared
that cab that one time.
We were idiots.
Wait a minute.
You're saying that Barney Stinson
is at a decoupage class?
That means we can watch
Star Wars on his giant TV!
Punch it, Chewy!
Oh.
You're back from decoupage.
What's decoupage?
Oh, uh, yeah, I took that
cab there that one time.
Hold on.
Come on in.
We were hoping we could
watch the trilogy here.
Uh, sure. But, uh...
first go look out
my, uh, bedroom window.
There's a, uh...
naked lady, uh...
jumping up and down
on a mini-trampoline
in the apartment
across the, uh...
street.
Get me out of this thing!
There's no time!
Barney, I am not ready for them
to find out about us.
Then you're gonna have to stay
in there for the entire trilogy.
Don't worry. It's
only 382 minutes.
Nerd!
So, where do you guys think
we'll be in three years?
It'll be 2012.
That's an easy one.
Guys, this is Sophia.
You'll be seeing a lot more of...
Okay, that is so weird.
I was just trying
to use the force.
Do you think instead
of making a beer
fly out of the fridge,
I made that lamp break?
Either that
or the stormtrooper did it.
Oh, the stormtrooper
would never do that.
He knows that lamp costs $1,200.
Anyway, while it's just us guys,
We've all had that same fantasy
about having sex with a girl in
a stormtrooper costume, right?
- Mmm, no.
- Never.
Guys...
come on, no girls around,
just us bros.
Safe space.
Let's stop being polite
and start gettin' real.
Stormtrooper fantasy.
Every guy's had that one, right?
Not even once, no.
No, no, no.
So I'm the weird one?
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
How about you, Ted?
How's your life gonna
be different in three years?
Oh, you know, the usual.
Gonna meet a nice girl
and get married.
I mean, I know I say that
every year, but...
let's be honest,
in 2012, I'll be 34.
If it still hasn't
happened for me by then,
something is seriously
wrong with me!
Something is seriously wrong
with me.
I can't do this anymore.
I can't keep smiling
and being optimistic
all the time
when all the evidence
points to the contrary.
You really think
that three years from now
things aren't gonna be awesome?
I'll tell you what
things are gonna be like
three years from now.
Uh, yes, hello. I see
on my frozen entree for one
they printed this number
where I can voice
comments and concerns.
Well, there's more cinnamon
in the cobbler than usual.
No, I like cinnamon.
Oh, you're very welcome
for my comment.
Wait! Uh, don't go.
Um... do you like cinnamon?
Hello? Hello?
Marshall, you want
to watch Star Wars?
No, can do, old bean!
You see, we're up on the Cape
living the idyllic
family lifestyle
that you've always dreamed of.
Oh, and I'm pregnant
with baby #5!
But baby #4 isn't even out yet.
I'm just that good!
Oh, oh, hold on.
There's somebody wants
to say hello to you.
Hey, Ted.
I just wanted to say
that things are great,
and I'm married to that
douchey guy in the trucker hat.
Whassup, bra?
It turns out it was just you
I didn't want to commit to.
Oh,
and I got back boobs.
So things are great!
Buh-bye!
By the way, Ted,
this is Melanie.
You'll be seeing a
lot more of Melanie.
Wait-wait-wait a minute!
Who is Melanie?
Come on, Barney, if there's
one thing I can count on
not to change,
it's you walking in
with some random
girl on your arm.
No. No, I don't want that.
For the first time
in my life, I don't
want to find myself
in three years
with some random girl,
no matter
how many boobs she has.
I want to be with Quinn.
Guys...
you're gonna be seeing
a lot more of Quinn.
Dude, we've been to the
Lusty Leopard. We've seen plenty.
I kind of walked into that one.
All right, bye-bye.
What are you doing?
We're living together,
I'm excited about it,
and I'm getting rid of my mugs.
That was mine.
Sorry. I don't know
which are which.
Truth is, I never
drink coffee at home.
This one?
Mm-hmm.
There!
I don't need my coffee mugs
'cause I got yours!
For the rest of my life.
Or as... long as
you'll have me.
We haven't really talked
about the future.
Did I make things awkward?
Just keep smashing mugs.
Or donate them.
Point is,
I plan on being with you
for a long time.
You okay with that?
Sounds great.
Ooh.. Oh!
I am so sorry.
No, no, it's great.
A guy has to be the first one
to let 'er rip.
I was actually hoping
this would happen soon.
I've been crop-dusting
the patio for weeks.
- The patio!
- Mm-hmm.
I've been going
out on the street,
like, exactly this time
every night.
Where are you, blond man?!
Show yourself!
I will be at my mother's.
We're a real couple now,
aren't we?
We are.
Hey, buddy, I get
that you're bummed.
But I got a good feeling
about 2015.
I think that's
gonna be your year.
Kids, that was the one time
I ever lost faith
in the idea that my life
would be better in three years.
And what's funny is,
three years from that moment,
my life was amazing.
All right!
It's trilogy time!
Can I just lodge one complaint?
This is a guy's tradition.
It's kind of a lame move
on Ted's part to bring a chick.
Come on, dude...
cut him some slack.
I know. He loves her.
She is pretty damn cute.
Thank God she takes
after her mother.
All right,
let's watch this thing!
TV...
play Star Wars trilogy.
Play Star Wars tril...
You know what?
Screw it.
Okay, you are about to see
something awesome.
And just know this:
Han shot first.
I wonder if things'll
be a lot different
when we watch the trilogy
again in 2018.
I hope not.
Oh, that was awesome.
You were right--
not weird.
No.
you're not even dressed.
- The reservation is in 15 minutes.
- Shh!
He's back.
Every night
at exactly 8:00 p.m.,
the well-dressed
blond man appears.
Chuck and Joanne
are going to be waiting.
You don't understand!
Every night, he does this.
Every single night.
He steps out of this building,
walks exactly seven paces,
stops,
and smiles.
Honey, I am worried about you.
Is he trying to communicate
with someone?
Is he trying
to communicate with me?
Why is he doing this?!
But aside from not being able
to fart in the apartment,
how's living with Quinn?
Oh, it's great.
Yep.
Living with Quinn is great.
Great, great,
great... great.
So how bad is it?
Pretty bad.
Last night,
I had just come back
from my 8:00 fart.
Sure.
Go on.
Still no mail.
I think they only deliver it
once a day.
Hey, listen,
when I moved in here,
I sold all my stuff
because I know you like
your place as is,
and I was totally fine
with that.
Would it be okay
if instead of using
your coffee mugs,
we use mine?
Hmm...
No.
Barney, she got rid
of all of her stuff for you.
Oh, I see what this
is really about.
Yeah, mugs.
Coffee?
Tea?
Eh, religion.
This is about the fact
that you don't think
this relationship
is gonna last.
That's why you don't want
to throw anything out.
Because when
that inevitable breakup comes,
you don't want to buy new mugs.
That's why I've never
thrown anything out
for any relationship ever.
Isn't that right, honey?
Oh, that's right. I'm alone.
Lily, here's the thing.
It's my apartment,
and I need to assert
my dominance as a man.
Don't ever say that...
to any girl ever.
Too late.
What did you just say to me?
- She gave up her apartment for you!
- You said that to her?!
Okay, you know what?
I don't have to sit here and
take this from you ladies.
I'm going to Ted's.
The man cave,
where guys can be guys.
- Assert your dominance?
- It's like you have no respect for women.
- What is wrong with you?
- You have a mother!
You guys, too?
I'm going to the Y for a shvitz.
No, dude, hold on.
You're not going anywhere.
It's trilogy time.
- Kids, here's the deal-
It all started a long time ago
in a dorm room far, far away.
Dude, if we fail
this econ final,
for the rest of our lives
we're not gonna be able to...
We won't know how to...
Do you even know what econ is?
No idea. We're screwed.
But there's only one thing
left to do at at time like this.
Watch the entire Star Wars
trilogy all the way through
because I haven't done that
in, like, five years.
Dude, you can't let that happen.
If you're not trilling it
at least once every three years,
the Dark Side wins.
Okay, let's make a pact.
No matter what,
every three years,
we sit down
and trill it up big time.
Agreed?
A-Greedo.
Wow.
2003, I mean...
What's that gonna be like?
Hey, Ted.
Sweet hair.
I told you it would
eventually stop growing out
and start growing down.
Anyway, I'm just working
on designing
yet another skyscraper.
And I'm carrying this briefcase
because now
I'm a successful lawyer...
I like that.
Can I make one adjustment?
With a cool mustache.
Nice.
And who knows, by then,
you and Lily might be engaged.
Engaged? Bro, I'm gonna do
way better than that.
Ah, being pregnant
is so much fun.
I want to do this
four more times.
Oh, baby, how do you feel
after spending all day
working on your art,
since I make enough to
support us both financially?
Horny.
I hope we don't
bother you, Ted,
because even though
we're married and pregnant,
it still makes sense
that we all share
adult-sized bunk beds.
So, Star Wars?
Sure, I don't have to be at work
until late afternoon-ish
because my boss appreciates that
I like to stay up late
drinking and...
rocking out with our band.
Did someone say rocking out?
Whoa, who's the babe?
That's the best part.
Guys, you remember
my awesome girlfriend
who was a virgin until we met?
Mm-hmm.
My name's Rhiannon,
like the Stevie Nicks song.
I'm hot, but in a crunchy,
earthy kind of way.
Oh, and I'm from England.
Nice.
Okay, Star Wars time.
But first, we jam.
Good thing I spent
the last three years
learning to wail on guitar.
Babe.
Yup, our band is
gonna be in demand.
And luckily,
there'll be plenty of supply.
Supply? Demand?
Dude, do you realize
what we just did?
We used econ.
We're gonna ace this final.
We both got zeroes.
Oh, dude,
2003 is gonna be awesome.
"Satisfaction"?
"Hot Cross Buns."
Well, keep it up, bro.
So, you ready to watch
the trilogy?
I don't know.
I mean, I really thought
that by now I'd be a lawyer
with a kick-ass mustache,
but I still haven't even
gotten into law school,
and my facial hair
just grows in patchy.
Just red and patchy.
Come on.
Your life's not that bad.
Dude, I manage a Structure.
But you get 10% off vests.
That's something.
- The vests are pretty sweet, but, look...
- Yeah.
Lily and I aren't married.
We don't have a baby
on the way.
But we did get
the cool apartment.
That we can barely afford.
I mean, I don't see
any way that our lives
are better now than they
were three years ago.
Oh, really, Marshall?
Nothing comes to mind?
By the way, guys, this is Lisa.
You'll be seeing
a lot more of Lisa.
And they never saw her again.
Whassaaaa!
Okay,
three years ago,
we had this whole fantasy
about how great
our lives were gonna be,
and it didn't pan out.
But I'm telling you,
three years from now,
when we're watching
the trilogy in 2006,
our lives are gonna be awesome.
Ah, hello, Ted.
I'm an environmental lawyer now.
Sure, it's not
the most lucrative field,
but luckily I have
the cash and prizes
from my historic seven-week run
on Wheel of Fortune...
Can I just make
one little adjustment?
For which I was knighted
by Her Majesty, the Queen.
Ah, Lady Aldrin.
Oh, Sir Marshall.
I cannot wait to get a house
down the street
from your parents
so we can be close to your mom,
whom I get along with now.
Good, good.
But here's the best part.
Rhiannon, hurry!
Just because I designed
the opera house
doesn't mean they'll hold
the curtain for us.
Just kidding.
Of course it does.
Take your time, my love.
Hey, guys, it's me again.
I'm pretty much
the same as last time,
only now I'm super-rich
and fancy.
And it still makes sense
that we all live together.
What about you, Barney?
Any predictions for 2006?
Oh, yeah. Picture it.
By the way, guys, this is Jody.
You'll be seeing
a lot more of Jody.
And they never saw her again.
Whassaaaa!
How is that any different
from your life right now?
It's not. I'm KFC, baby.
You don't mess
with the Colonel's recipe.
I want things to stay
exactly the same,
but with a different hottie.
'Cause Barney don't slurp
no sloppy seconds,
especially his own.
Okay, the bottom line is
things are gonna get better.
Well, all I care about is
getting into law school.
You will.
2006 is gonna be awesome.
And look what happened.
You got into law school,
just like I said you would.
See, things aren't so bad.
Lily left me.
And now I'll never have
a mustache.
Baby, there you are.
I have spent all day thinking
about all the naughty,
naughty things
you and I are gonna do
to cheer up Marshall.
Like what?
Um...
Uh, I'll you guys
hang out, okay?
Um, I'll just be...
waiting in the bedroom.
Oh, I'm sorry.
I-I didn't mean that
to sound like Ted and I are
gonna do a kind of thing.
Okay, okay.
See you.
Marshall, this will pass.
Trust me.
Three years from now...
Briefcase, lawyer,
knighthood, mustache,
all that stuff from before.
Congratulations, bro.
And congratulations
to you too, Ted,
for locking this down.
You know, it's weird,
I never thought I
would get married,
but you talked me into it.
Or rather, banged me into it.
You're so good in bed, ooh.
How is this helping me?
I'm getting to it.
In three years, not only
will Lily be back, but...
It's so nice to be married
to a wonderful guy
and be carrying his child.
I think you're being
kind of optimistic, Ted.
Can I make
one little adjustment?
It's so nice to be married
to a wonderful guy
and carrying his child,
and here he is now.
Guys, I want you to meet
some douchey guy named Trey.
- 'Sup, bro?
- Mmm.
I don't know what I love more:
His thick mustache
or his trucker hat.
You know I hate those hats.
Then you're really gonna
hate this sonogram.
Nooo...
ooo...!
A baby in a trucker hat.
That's awesome.
Anyway, Ted's right.
2009's gonna rule.
By the way, guys, this is Maya.
You'll be seeing
a lot more of Maya.
And they never saw her again.
Whassaaaa!
Okay, seriously,
at least tell me you're gonna
change the what will by then be
nine-year-old beer
commercial reference.
I mean, come on.
There's got to be
at least one way
that you'd like the future
to be different.
I guess there is one thing.
By the way, guys, this is Maya.
You'll be seeing
a lot more of Maya.
And not because of these these.
Because of these.
Back boobs--
the visual stimulation
of missionary meets
the emotional detachment
of doggy-style.
Patent pending.
Whassaaaa!
The point is, Marshall,
this time in three years,
everything is gonna be great.
See? Lily came back.
Of course, Robin and I
didn't end up together.
But I did get engaged.
And left at the altar.
But I did start
my own architectural firm.
And it failed
after a few months.
- Can we put the movie on, please?
- Yeah.
Sure, buddy.
Hey, by the way,
where is Robin?
In the summer of 2009,
Barney and Robin
were secretly dating.
Oh, uh, Barney said she's
taking some extension class
in how to decoupage,
and Barney's taking
a different decoupage class
in the same building.
That's why they shared
that cab that one time.
We were idiots.
Wait a minute.
You're saying that Barney Stinson
is at a decoupage class?
That means we can watch
Star Wars on his giant TV!
Punch it, Chewy!
Oh.
You're back from decoupage.
What's decoupage?
Oh, uh, yeah, I took that
cab there that one time.
Hold on.
Come on in.
We were hoping we could
watch the trilogy here.
Uh, sure. But, uh...
first go look out
my, uh, bedroom window.
There's a, uh...
naked lady, uh...
jumping up and down
on a mini-trampoline
in the apartment
across the, uh...
street.
Get me out of this thing!
There's no time!
Barney, I am not ready for them
to find out about us.
Then you're gonna have to stay
in there for the entire trilogy.
Don't worry. It's
only 382 minutes.
Nerd!
So, where do you guys think
we'll be in three years?
It'll be 2012.
That's an easy one.
Guys, this is Sophia.
You'll be seeing a lot more of...
Okay, that is so weird.
I was just trying
to use the force.
Do you think instead
of making a beer
fly out of the fridge,
I made that lamp break?
Either that
or the stormtrooper did it.
Oh, the stormtrooper
would never do that.
He knows that lamp costs $1,200.
Anyway, while it's just us guys,
We've all had that same fantasy
about having sex with a girl in
a stormtrooper costume, right?
- Mmm, no.
- Never.
Guys...
come on, no girls around,
just us bros.
Safe space.
Let's stop being polite
and start gettin' real.
Stormtrooper fantasy.
Every guy's had that one, right?
Not even once, no.
No, no, no.
So I'm the weird one?
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
How about you, Ted?
How's your life gonna
be different in three years?
Oh, you know, the usual.
Gonna meet a nice girl
and get married.
I mean, I know I say that
every year, but...
let's be honest,
in 2012, I'll be 34.
If it still hasn't
happened for me by then,
something is seriously
wrong with me!
Something is seriously wrong
with me.
I can't do this anymore.
I can't keep smiling
and being optimistic
all the time
when all the evidence
points to the contrary.
You really think
that three years from now
things aren't gonna be awesome?
I'll tell you what
things are gonna be like
three years from now.
Uh, yes, hello. I see
on my frozen entree for one
they printed this number
where I can voice
comments and concerns.
Well, there's more cinnamon
in the cobbler than usual.
No, I like cinnamon.
Oh, you're very welcome
for my comment.
Wait! Uh, don't go.
Um... do you like cinnamon?
Hello? Hello?
Marshall, you want
to watch Star Wars?
No, can do, old bean!
You see, we're up on the Cape
living the idyllic
family lifestyle
that you've always dreamed of.
Oh, and I'm pregnant
with baby #5!
But baby #4 isn't even out yet.
I'm just that good!
Oh, oh, hold on.
There's somebody wants
to say hello to you.
Hey, Ted.
I just wanted to say
that things are great,
and I'm married to that
douchey guy in the trucker hat.
Whassup, bra?
It turns out it was just you
I didn't want to commit to.
Oh,
and I got back boobs.
So things are great!
Buh-bye!
By the way, Ted,
this is Melanie.
You'll be seeing a
lot more of Melanie.
Wait-wait-wait a minute!
Who is Melanie?
Come on, Barney, if there's
one thing I can count on
not to change,
it's you walking in
with some random
girl on your arm.
No. No, I don't want that.
For the first time
in my life, I don't
want to find myself
in three years
with some random girl,
no matter
how many boobs she has.
I want to be with Quinn.
Guys...
you're gonna be seeing
a lot more of Quinn.
Dude, we've been to the
Lusty Leopard. We've seen plenty.
I kind of walked into that one.
All right, bye-bye.
What are you doing?
We're living together,
I'm excited about it,
and I'm getting rid of my mugs.
That was mine.
Sorry. I don't know
which are which.
Truth is, I never
drink coffee at home.
This one?
Mm-hmm.
There!
I don't need my coffee mugs
'cause I got yours!
For the rest of my life.
Or as... long as
you'll have me.
We haven't really talked
about the future.
Did I make things awkward?
Just keep smashing mugs.
Or donate them.
Point is,
I plan on being with you
for a long time.
You okay with that?
Sounds great.
Ooh.. Oh!
I am so sorry.
No, no, it's great.
A guy has to be the first one
to let 'er rip.
I was actually hoping
this would happen soon.
I've been crop-dusting
the patio for weeks.
- The patio!
- Mm-hmm.
I've been going
out on the street,
like, exactly this time
every night.
Where are you, blond man?!
Show yourself!
I will be at my mother's.
We're a real couple now,
aren't we?
We are.
Hey, buddy, I get
that you're bummed.
But I got a good feeling
about 2015.
I think that's
gonna be your year.
Kids, that was the one time
I ever lost faith
in the idea that my life
would be better in three years.
And what's funny is,
three years from that moment,
my life was amazing.
All right!
It's trilogy time!
Can I just lodge one complaint?
This is a guy's tradition.
It's kind of a lame move
on Ted's part to bring a chick.
Come on, dude...
cut him some slack.
I know. He loves her.
She is pretty damn cute.
Thank God she takes
after her mother.
All right,
let's watch this thing!
TV...
play Star Wars trilogy.
Play Star Wars tril...
You know what?
Screw it.
Okay, you are about to see
something awesome.
And just know this:
Han shot first.
I wonder if things'll
be a lot different
when we watch the trilogy
again in 2018.
I hope not.
Oh, that was awesome.
You were right--
not weird.
No.