How I Met Your Mother (2005–2014): Season 1, Episode 15 - Game Night - full transcript
Marshall's game night leads to some startling and very embarrassing revelations.
Kids, something
You might not know
about your uncle marshall
Is that he's always been
good at games.
I mean, unbeatable.
Gin!
Yahtzee!
Poker!
You don't have
to shout out "poker"
When you win.
I know. It's just fun to say.
We all finally agreed
marshall should be running
Our game nights
instead of playing in them.
Which he took to mean,
"invent your own game."
It's called
"marsh-gammon."
It combines all
The best features of
all the best games--
Candy land, I never,
pictionary.
Backgammon, obviously.
No. Backgammon sucks.
I took the only good part
Of backgammon,
the "gammon,"
And I left the rest
of it in the trash
where it belongs.
I'm so excited
victoria's coming.
I'm going to go get
another round.
Okay, I want
to lay down
Some ground
rules for tonight.
Barney, I actually
like victoria... A lot,
So don't say
anything embarrass...
Don't say anything.
And guys,
I haven't exactly
told victoria
That I used to have a
kind of thing for robin,
So we you could
just avoid the...
Well, well, well.
How rich.
You make me promise
To be on my best behavior
around your girlfriend,
Yet, you have been lying
to her since day one.
Excuse me.
Hi. Leg warehouse?
Yeah, my friend ted
needs something to stand on.
So, nothing for him
to stand on?
Okay, and thanks so much.
Ted, doesn't victoria
deserve to know
That you once had the hots
for robin?
I have half a mind to tell
the story of the re-return.
No. I-I swore you
to secrecy on that.
Ooh, I am smelling dirt.
What is the story
of the re-return?
Nothing.
It's nothing.
And speaking of
digging up dirt,
Can I count on you two
to behave around victoria?
Us? What would we do?
Look, um, you guys
have always been
like the parents
That I still have and,
in fact, moved here
To get away from.
However, could we skip the
traditional interrogation
Of the new
girlfriend tonight?
Fine.
Fine.
Thank you.
I should go help robin.
Okay.
Hey.
Hey.
So, are you going to be okay
Hanging out
with victoria tonight?
Oh, sure. She's great.
Because of the whole thing
where I said I liked ted?
No. Victoria's great.
She's fun, she's
free-spirited,
she's great.
I said, "she's great"
too many times, didn't I?
You must really hate the bitch.
But if you roll an even number
While adjacent
to the peppermint forest,
Then you "marshall out,"
and all your chips go
Into the pot,
and remember,
If you ever ask
the question "what?," then...
You got to drink.
Got it?
Okay, okay, no, no, we'll just
start, you guys'll pick it up.
Newbie goes first.
Roll.
Okay.
Three!
You got autobiography.
Now, that's where you have
To answer
A personal question
about your dating life
Marshall, come on.
Hey, she's the one
who rolled a three.
Victoria,
Ever cheated
while in a relationship?"
Wow, good question.
Look, you don't
have to answer that.
It's okay.
Um, well, I was in a really
crappy relationship in college,
And I wound up kissing
this guy at a party
One night, and I
Felt terrible about it, so,
I came clean, and we broke up.
Victoria, that was an honest
and mature answer.
You may advance
to the gumdrop mountains.
Ooh.
So victoria, did you ever
re-return to this guy?
What?
You said "what,"
you got to drink!
Oh, barney,
By the way, I
went to a party
In that new
building on 82nd,
And the host said she knew you.
What is her name?
Sharon? Shannon?
Shannon?!
Shannon, shannon...
No, don't remember any shannon.
Really? Well, 'cause she gave me
a videotape to give...
Where's the tape?!
Fine. I'll get it.
Cool, okay.
You know, whenever.
Okay, robin,
your roll.
Five!
Another
autobiography...
For the player to
your left, which...
Victoria!
Of course.
Victoria, "how many
boyfriends did you have
Before you started
dating ted?"
Wait, the card
actually says "ted?"
Okay,
Uh, well, boyfriends--
I guess I've only had... Two.
Prude alert.
Well... That's
serious boyfriends.
I've dated other guys
in between.
Oh, slut alert!
Oh, great,
there it is.
Thanks, lily.
You're a peach.
Oh, wow, look
at that.
Robin landed on
the chocolate swamp.
That's five
chips for me.
Thank you!
Finally somebody
understands marsh-gammon.
Barney, what was on that tape?
Too bad you'll never find out.
Oh, damn it!
If only
I'd given you a fake tape
And hidden the real tape
In my purse.
Oh, wait.
That's exactly what I did.
Drink!
Aah!
Yeah, you were acting so weird
about it, I gave you ted's
Graduation
tape instead.
So, should we pop it in?
Give it to me,
give it, give me...
Play the tape,
play it, play it!
Ted!
Fine, fine.
You cannot
play it.
Shannon!
I love you!
I love you so much.
What about us
changing the world together?
Don't tell me you've forgotten.
I know I haven't.
♪ will I ever see
another rainbow? ♪
♪ will an eagle ever soar
♪ through this tempest of woe?
♪ baby, please
♪ don't go
♪ there's a thief in the palace,
she's stolen all my love ♪
♪ there's a thief in the palace
and she's... ♪
Did you try
his cell phone?
Yeah, I left two messages.
I checked the cigar club,
the lusty leopard.
He's off the grid.
Hey, guys, what up?
Barney, where
have you been?
Yeah, we're-we're really
sorry about that.
Yeah, so sorry.
But seriously, what was up
with the tape?
No, no, stay.
Come on,
barney.
Come on.
Stay!
I'm sorry. I don't want
to talk about it.
It was the most embarrassing,
and humiliating thing
That ever happened to me.
Well, we all have
embarrassing stories.
Sometimes it's good
to-to talk about it.
Oh, really?
Then why don't you tell us
Your most humiliating moment,
marshall?
Show me how good it is.
All right.
I was stopping by lily's
kindergarten class to say hi,
But they were all at recess.
I really had to pee, so I went
into the class's restroom.
It was a-a smaller target
than I'm used to,
So I figured
I should sit down.
What I didn't realize was,
it was a shared bathroom.
I wish I'd pulled up my pants.
The kids still call him
funny butt.
Okay. I'll tell you my story.
Believe it or not,
I was not always as awesome
as I am today.
It was 1998.
I was just out of college,
and I was working
At a coffeehouse
with my girlfriend.
My girlfriend... Shannon.
♪ yeah, you were meant for me
♪ and I was meant for you
♪ ooh, ooh, ooh-ooh-ooh.
Thank you.
All right.
I love your
singing, barney.
And I love you, shannon.
Joining the peace
corps with you is
gonna be legendary.
I know. Only five short weeks
till we're down in nicaragua.
Hey, nonfat latte to go.
Mellow order, bro,
mellow order.
Dude, that your g-friend?
All right, high five!
Sorry, I only give high twos.
Whatevs. As long
as you're nailing that.
Listen to you.
"that"?
You know, women aren't objects.
They're human beings.
And fyi,
Shannon and I have decided
To wait till we're married.
You can read about it
in my zine.
Hey, haircut, right here.
Open up your
knowledge basket,
'cause here it comes.
Forget that touchy-feely crap.
You get money, you get laid.
End of discussion.
I feel sorry for you, man.
Peace out, hombre.
Suits.
Five weeks later,
we were all set
To leave
for the peace corps.
Only problem was...
She never showed up.
She never showed?
So, what happened next?
You know what?
This was a mistake.
Wait. Uh...
What if somebody else told
their most humiliating story?
Oh, I know just
how to decide who.
You brought the game
to the bar?
We're not quitting just
'cause ted's so far ahead.
I was winning?
Fine. I'll go next.
I was doing a report
on live tv
About a hansom cabdriver.
Not the slipping-in-horse-poop
story!
Yeah, we all know that one.
Okay, how
about this?
I will tell you my
most humiliating story.
Yeah, victoria,
way to step up!
Okay, it involves a
game of truth or dare,
A squeeze-bottle
of marshmallow ice
cream topping,
And the hot tub
At my grandparents'
retirement community.
Kids, I tell you a lot
of inappropriate stories,
But there's no way in hell
I'm telling you this one.
Don't worry, though,
it wasn't that great.
That is the
greatest story ever!
Oh, my god!
Wow, wow!
Victoria, I deem
your offering... Worthy.
My saga... Continues.
I went back to the coffeehouse
to find shannon.
Barney.
Sugar bear,
where were you?
Oh, I'm sorry.
My dad won't let me go.
But the nicaraguans need us!
It's just, he's still
supporting me, and...
Look, he's coming by soon
to talk about it, but
I think you should go on
without me.
Shannon, there is no...
Barney,
It's your dream.
It's only two years.
I know we can make it.
As I walked away, I realized
shannon was an adult.
Her father couldn't control
her life.
I had to go back
and confront him.
She was in the middle
Of a heated argument
with her dad.
What?!
Now we all got to drink.
Oh, my god.
What happened next?
I don't know, guys.
Okay, okay.
Marshall's mom
sent us cookies...
Lily, no!
For the team, marshall,
for the team.
Hey, mrs. Eriksen, it's lily.
Thank you so much
for the delicious cookies.
Mayonnaise.
Really?
Never would have guessed.
Well, I will definitely
give marshall a kiss for you.
Okay. Take care.
Oh, crap.
My mom sent cookies?
Yeah.
I wish we had a dog,
so they wouldn't go to waste.
So we've got the whole
place to ourselves.
I'm thinking
Floor sex.
Sounds reasonable.
Ooh, floor's cold.
Grab that afghan your mom made.
The whole time?
The... Whole... Time.
Barney, that was really
embarrassing for both of us.
We just earned a
huge chunk of story.
Right.
So where was I?
Oh, yeah.
Shannon was sucking face
with her dad.
How can...
With your dad?
I mean, I know
Judge not lest ye be judged,
but gross!
Barney, that's not my dad.
His name's greg. I've been
seeing him for a few weeks.
I was hoping you'd just leave,
and we could avoid all this.
We're breaking up?
But what about the peace corps?
Yeah, all this granola business,
it was just a phase.
Greg's older.
He's successful.
He buys me all this cool stuff.
But I love you.
But he has a boat.
You should go
to the peace corps
And forget about me.
I didn't go.
That night, I recorded my video
and mailed it to shannon.
I didn't see her
until a week later.
There's sugar in the basket.
Shannon!
Shannon, you came back!
I'm just picking up
my last paycheck.
Oh.
Did you... Did you get my tape?
Oh, she got the tape.
You?
It was you?
♪ will I ever see
another rainbow? ♪
Oh, you poor thing.
The story's not over.
I did see shannon one more time.
When?
Sorry.
You've got to tell us.
I don't know,
I think I might need
One last story
to get me through it.
Fine.
Um... Oh!
The green testicle story.
So I was playing
ultimate frisbee in college
And there was this barefoot dude
with weirdly sharp toenails...
Oh, come on, ted!
You know what story
I want to hear.
Everyone else here
Has manned up tonight
and told the truth.
Why can't you?
You're right.
Victoria, I'm sorry
I haven't told you this yet,
But a while back,
I was kind of into robin.
In fact, on our first date,
I might have said, "I love you."
Understandably,
she freaked out and I left.
But unfortunately,
The night did not end there.
We all ended up at the bar
with our cabdriver ranjit.
To one hell of a night!
And I drank...
A lot.
So you guys think
I should have kissed her?
Well, I'll tell you what,
I'm gonna go kiss her
right... Now.
Yes! Do it!
To the cab.
Hello?
Is someone out there?
You ralphed and ran?
I thought you were
vomit-free since '93.
So that was a lie?
You re-returned for me.
That's really sweet.
Though you kind of ruined my
customized scherbotsky doormat.
Sorry.
It's okay.
Victoria, I know
this must be...
Yeah.
It kind of is.
Wow, ted, you were right.
You shouldn't have
told that story.
But you did earn yourself
the right to the end of mine.
We fast-forward
eight years into the future.
Wait, eight years,
that's, that's this year.
Marshall, not only is it
this year, it's tonight.
Hi.
Barney?
Hi, shannon.
What are you doing here?
Just listen.
When you left me
for that guy greg,
It changed me.
Now I'm this.
I-I know this is crazy.
It's just, you were once
such a big part of my life.
And it just seemed insane that
you didn't know who I am now.
So here I am.
And then she told me
about her life.
She and greg dated for a while
and then split up.
But here's
the real kicker:
Shannon's a mom.
She has a little kid named max.
That's crazy.
That could have been my kid.
But instead, what do I have?
My whole life's
some money in the bank,
Some suits in my closet and
a string of one-night stands.
Hey.
Come on.
I mean, just because
Her life went one way
and yours went another,
It doesn't make
your life any worse.
My life rocks!
Money, suits and sex.
These are tears of joy!
In some tiny apartment changing
some brat's poopy diapers.
But instead, I'm out in the
world being awesome 24-7, 365!
You let me dodge a bullet,
big guy.
Plus, here's the mini-cherry
on top of the regular cherry
On top of the sundae of
awesomeness that is my life.
After shannon and I talked,
I nailed her.
Nope.
Yeah.
Sorry. Don't buy it.
You're making it up.
You're just trying
To cover the fact
that you actually had
A profound moment of doubt
About yourself and...
Oh, my god.
Oh, barney!
Video's pretty good
on this phone, huh?
Is your phone on?
Oh, no. It just takes a while
To power down.
Ew, gross.
Just stop it.
Ladies, gentlemen...
Ted.
This has been
A wonderful evening.
I got great dirt
on all you guys.
I got ted to tell the re-return.
I finally nailed shannon!
Told her I'd call her tomorrow.
Yeah, right.
And I rediscovered just how
awesomely awesome my life is.
Peace out, hombres!
I think barney just
won game night.
We spend so much effort
Trying to keep
parts of our lives hidden,
Even from our closest friends.
But those rare times
when we do open up,
It's amazing how minor those
secrets all end up seeming.
♪ right? Right?
♪ you've got to want
♪ to rearrange
♪ and keep it off the record
♪ off the record
♪ you've got to know
Of course, not every secret
was told that night.
But that's getting
ahead of the story.
You might not know
about your uncle marshall
Is that he's always been
good at games.
I mean, unbeatable.
Gin!
Yahtzee!
Poker!
You don't have
to shout out "poker"
When you win.
I know. It's just fun to say.
We all finally agreed
marshall should be running
Our game nights
instead of playing in them.
Which he took to mean,
"invent your own game."
It's called
"marsh-gammon."
It combines all
The best features of
all the best games--
Candy land, I never,
pictionary.
Backgammon, obviously.
No. Backgammon sucks.
I took the only good part
Of backgammon,
the "gammon,"
And I left the rest
of it in the trash
where it belongs.
I'm so excited
victoria's coming.
I'm going to go get
another round.
Okay, I want
to lay down
Some ground
rules for tonight.
Barney, I actually
like victoria... A lot,
So don't say
anything embarrass...
Don't say anything.
And guys,
I haven't exactly
told victoria
That I used to have a
kind of thing for robin,
So we you could
just avoid the...
Well, well, well.
How rich.
You make me promise
To be on my best behavior
around your girlfriend,
Yet, you have been lying
to her since day one.
Excuse me.
Hi. Leg warehouse?
Yeah, my friend ted
needs something to stand on.
So, nothing for him
to stand on?
Okay, and thanks so much.
Ted, doesn't victoria
deserve to know
That you once had the hots
for robin?
I have half a mind to tell
the story of the re-return.
No. I-I swore you
to secrecy on that.
Ooh, I am smelling dirt.
What is the story
of the re-return?
Nothing.
It's nothing.
And speaking of
digging up dirt,
Can I count on you two
to behave around victoria?
Us? What would we do?
Look, um, you guys
have always been
like the parents
That I still have and,
in fact, moved here
To get away from.
However, could we skip the
traditional interrogation
Of the new
girlfriend tonight?
Fine.
Fine.
Thank you.
I should go help robin.
Okay.
Hey.
Hey.
So, are you going to be okay
Hanging out
with victoria tonight?
Oh, sure. She's great.
Because of the whole thing
where I said I liked ted?
No. Victoria's great.
She's fun, she's
free-spirited,
she's great.
I said, "she's great"
too many times, didn't I?
You must really hate the bitch.
But if you roll an even number
While adjacent
to the peppermint forest,
Then you "marshall out,"
and all your chips go
Into the pot,
and remember,
If you ever ask
the question "what?," then...
You got to drink.
Got it?
Okay, okay, no, no, we'll just
start, you guys'll pick it up.
Newbie goes first.
Roll.
Okay.
Three!
You got autobiography.
Now, that's where you have
To answer
A personal question
about your dating life
Marshall, come on.
Hey, she's the one
who rolled a three.
Victoria,
Ever cheated
while in a relationship?"
Wow, good question.
Look, you don't
have to answer that.
It's okay.
Um, well, I was in a really
crappy relationship in college,
And I wound up kissing
this guy at a party
One night, and I
Felt terrible about it, so,
I came clean, and we broke up.
Victoria, that was an honest
and mature answer.
You may advance
to the gumdrop mountains.
Ooh.
So victoria, did you ever
re-return to this guy?
What?
You said "what,"
you got to drink!
Oh, barney,
By the way, I
went to a party
In that new
building on 82nd,
And the host said she knew you.
What is her name?
Sharon? Shannon?
Shannon?!
Shannon, shannon...
No, don't remember any shannon.
Really? Well, 'cause she gave me
a videotape to give...
Where's the tape?!
Fine. I'll get it.
Cool, okay.
You know, whenever.
Okay, robin,
your roll.
Five!
Another
autobiography...
For the player to
your left, which...
Victoria!
Of course.
Victoria, "how many
boyfriends did you have
Before you started
dating ted?"
Wait, the card
actually says "ted?"
Okay,
Uh, well, boyfriends--
I guess I've only had... Two.
Prude alert.
Well... That's
serious boyfriends.
I've dated other guys
in between.
Oh, slut alert!
Oh, great,
there it is.
Thanks, lily.
You're a peach.
Oh, wow, look
at that.
Robin landed on
the chocolate swamp.
That's five
chips for me.
Thank you!
Finally somebody
understands marsh-gammon.
Barney, what was on that tape?
Too bad you'll never find out.
Oh, damn it!
If only
I'd given you a fake tape
And hidden the real tape
In my purse.
Oh, wait.
That's exactly what I did.
Drink!
Aah!
Yeah, you were acting so weird
about it, I gave you ted's
Graduation
tape instead.
So, should we pop it in?
Give it to me,
give it, give me...
Play the tape,
play it, play it!
Ted!
Fine, fine.
You cannot
play it.
Shannon!
I love you!
I love you so much.
What about us
changing the world together?
Don't tell me you've forgotten.
I know I haven't.
♪ will I ever see
another rainbow? ♪
♪ will an eagle ever soar
♪ through this tempest of woe?
♪ baby, please
♪ don't go
♪ there's a thief in the palace,
she's stolen all my love ♪
♪ there's a thief in the palace
and she's... ♪
Did you try
his cell phone?
Yeah, I left two messages.
I checked the cigar club,
the lusty leopard.
He's off the grid.
Hey, guys, what up?
Barney, where
have you been?
Yeah, we're-we're really
sorry about that.
Yeah, so sorry.
But seriously, what was up
with the tape?
No, no, stay.
Come on,
barney.
Come on.
Stay!
I'm sorry. I don't want
to talk about it.
It was the most embarrassing,
and humiliating thing
That ever happened to me.
Well, we all have
embarrassing stories.
Sometimes it's good
to-to talk about it.
Oh, really?
Then why don't you tell us
Your most humiliating moment,
marshall?
Show me how good it is.
All right.
I was stopping by lily's
kindergarten class to say hi,
But they were all at recess.
I really had to pee, so I went
into the class's restroom.
It was a-a smaller target
than I'm used to,
So I figured
I should sit down.
What I didn't realize was,
it was a shared bathroom.
I wish I'd pulled up my pants.
The kids still call him
funny butt.
Okay. I'll tell you my story.
Believe it or not,
I was not always as awesome
as I am today.
It was 1998.
I was just out of college,
and I was working
At a coffeehouse
with my girlfriend.
My girlfriend... Shannon.
♪ yeah, you were meant for me
♪ and I was meant for you
♪ ooh, ooh, ooh-ooh-ooh.
Thank you.
All right.
I love your
singing, barney.
And I love you, shannon.
Joining the peace
corps with you is
gonna be legendary.
I know. Only five short weeks
till we're down in nicaragua.
Hey, nonfat latte to go.
Mellow order, bro,
mellow order.
Dude, that your g-friend?
All right, high five!
Sorry, I only give high twos.
Whatevs. As long
as you're nailing that.
Listen to you.
"that"?
You know, women aren't objects.
They're human beings.
And fyi,
Shannon and I have decided
To wait till we're married.
You can read about it
in my zine.
Hey, haircut, right here.
Open up your
knowledge basket,
'cause here it comes.
Forget that touchy-feely crap.
You get money, you get laid.
End of discussion.
I feel sorry for you, man.
Peace out, hombre.
Suits.
Five weeks later,
we were all set
To leave
for the peace corps.
Only problem was...
She never showed up.
She never showed?
So, what happened next?
You know what?
This was a mistake.
Wait. Uh...
What if somebody else told
their most humiliating story?
Oh, I know just
how to decide who.
You brought the game
to the bar?
We're not quitting just
'cause ted's so far ahead.
I was winning?
Fine. I'll go next.
I was doing a report
on live tv
About a hansom cabdriver.
Not the slipping-in-horse-poop
story!
Yeah, we all know that one.
Okay, how
about this?
I will tell you my
most humiliating story.
Yeah, victoria,
way to step up!
Okay, it involves a
game of truth or dare,
A squeeze-bottle
of marshmallow ice
cream topping,
And the hot tub
At my grandparents'
retirement community.
Kids, I tell you a lot
of inappropriate stories,
But there's no way in hell
I'm telling you this one.
Don't worry, though,
it wasn't that great.
That is the
greatest story ever!
Oh, my god!
Wow, wow!
Victoria, I deem
your offering... Worthy.
My saga... Continues.
I went back to the coffeehouse
to find shannon.
Barney.
Sugar bear,
where were you?
Oh, I'm sorry.
My dad won't let me go.
But the nicaraguans need us!
It's just, he's still
supporting me, and...
Look, he's coming by soon
to talk about it, but
I think you should go on
without me.
Shannon, there is no...
Barney,
It's your dream.
It's only two years.
I know we can make it.
As I walked away, I realized
shannon was an adult.
Her father couldn't control
her life.
I had to go back
and confront him.
She was in the middle
Of a heated argument
with her dad.
What?!
Now we all got to drink.
Oh, my god.
What happened next?
I don't know, guys.
Okay, okay.
Marshall's mom
sent us cookies...
Lily, no!
For the team, marshall,
for the team.
Hey, mrs. Eriksen, it's lily.
Thank you so much
for the delicious cookies.
Mayonnaise.
Really?
Never would have guessed.
Well, I will definitely
give marshall a kiss for you.
Okay. Take care.
Oh, crap.
My mom sent cookies?
Yeah.
I wish we had a dog,
so they wouldn't go to waste.
So we've got the whole
place to ourselves.
I'm thinking
Floor sex.
Sounds reasonable.
Ooh, floor's cold.
Grab that afghan your mom made.
The whole time?
The... Whole... Time.
Barney, that was really
embarrassing for both of us.
We just earned a
huge chunk of story.
Right.
So where was I?
Oh, yeah.
Shannon was sucking face
with her dad.
How can...
With your dad?
I mean, I know
Judge not lest ye be judged,
but gross!
Barney, that's not my dad.
His name's greg. I've been
seeing him for a few weeks.
I was hoping you'd just leave,
and we could avoid all this.
We're breaking up?
But what about the peace corps?
Yeah, all this granola business,
it was just a phase.
Greg's older.
He's successful.
He buys me all this cool stuff.
But I love you.
But he has a boat.
You should go
to the peace corps
And forget about me.
I didn't go.
That night, I recorded my video
and mailed it to shannon.
I didn't see her
until a week later.
There's sugar in the basket.
Shannon!
Shannon, you came back!
I'm just picking up
my last paycheck.
Oh.
Did you... Did you get my tape?
Oh, she got the tape.
You?
It was you?
♪ will I ever see
another rainbow? ♪
Oh, you poor thing.
The story's not over.
I did see shannon one more time.
When?
Sorry.
You've got to tell us.
I don't know,
I think I might need
One last story
to get me through it.
Fine.
Um... Oh!
The green testicle story.
So I was playing
ultimate frisbee in college
And there was this barefoot dude
with weirdly sharp toenails...
Oh, come on, ted!
You know what story
I want to hear.
Everyone else here
Has manned up tonight
and told the truth.
Why can't you?
You're right.
Victoria, I'm sorry
I haven't told you this yet,
But a while back,
I was kind of into robin.
In fact, on our first date,
I might have said, "I love you."
Understandably,
she freaked out and I left.
But unfortunately,
The night did not end there.
We all ended up at the bar
with our cabdriver ranjit.
To one hell of a night!
And I drank...
A lot.
So you guys think
I should have kissed her?
Well, I'll tell you what,
I'm gonna go kiss her
right... Now.
Yes! Do it!
To the cab.
Hello?
Is someone out there?
You ralphed and ran?
I thought you were
vomit-free since '93.
So that was a lie?
You re-returned for me.
That's really sweet.
Though you kind of ruined my
customized scherbotsky doormat.
Sorry.
It's okay.
Victoria, I know
this must be...
Yeah.
It kind of is.
Wow, ted, you were right.
You shouldn't have
told that story.
But you did earn yourself
the right to the end of mine.
We fast-forward
eight years into the future.
Wait, eight years,
that's, that's this year.
Marshall, not only is it
this year, it's tonight.
Hi.
Barney?
Hi, shannon.
What are you doing here?
Just listen.
When you left me
for that guy greg,
It changed me.
Now I'm this.
I-I know this is crazy.
It's just, you were once
such a big part of my life.
And it just seemed insane that
you didn't know who I am now.
So here I am.
And then she told me
about her life.
She and greg dated for a while
and then split up.
But here's
the real kicker:
Shannon's a mom.
She has a little kid named max.
That's crazy.
That could have been my kid.
But instead, what do I have?
My whole life's
some money in the bank,
Some suits in my closet and
a string of one-night stands.
Hey.
Come on.
I mean, just because
Her life went one way
and yours went another,
It doesn't make
your life any worse.
My life rocks!
Money, suits and sex.
These are tears of joy!
In some tiny apartment changing
some brat's poopy diapers.
But instead, I'm out in the
world being awesome 24-7, 365!
You let me dodge a bullet,
big guy.
Plus, here's the mini-cherry
on top of the regular cherry
On top of the sundae of
awesomeness that is my life.
After shannon and I talked,
I nailed her.
Nope.
Yeah.
Sorry. Don't buy it.
You're making it up.
You're just trying
To cover the fact
that you actually had
A profound moment of doubt
About yourself and...
Oh, my god.
Oh, barney!
Video's pretty good
on this phone, huh?
Is your phone on?
Oh, no. It just takes a while
To power down.
Ew, gross.
Just stop it.
Ladies, gentlemen...
Ted.
This has been
A wonderful evening.
I got great dirt
on all you guys.
I got ted to tell the re-return.
I finally nailed shannon!
Told her I'd call her tomorrow.
Yeah, right.
And I rediscovered just how
awesomely awesome my life is.
Peace out, hombres!
I think barney just
won game night.
We spend so much effort
Trying to keep
parts of our lives hidden,
Even from our closest friends.
But those rare times
when we do open up,
It's amazing how minor those
secrets all end up seeming.
♪ right? Right?
♪ you've got to want
♪ to rearrange
♪ and keep it off the record
♪ off the record
♪ you've got to know
Of course, not every secret
was told that night.
But that's getting
ahead of the story.