How I Met Your Mother (2005–2014): Season 1, Episode 10 - The Pineapple Incident - full transcript
After an alcohol-induced blackout, Ted awakens to find a strange woman and a pineapple in his bed.
Now I remember a lot of stories
From back in the days
before I met your mother.
But there's one story
I don't remember.
Uncle marshall still refers to
it as "the pineapple incident."
The night started
like any other.
We were downstairs at the bar.
On the house.
Wow!
Oh!
It's my own concoction.
I call it the red dragon.
Thanks, carl.
Wow!
That was really sweet.
We're not really
Doing shots, are we?
I hope not.
No, no, no.
Ugh! These look
kind of like blood.
Okay, I know that you've all
dismissed this theory before.
But is there any chance
that carl is a vampire?
That's ridiculous.
No, you guys, I'm serious.
Think about it.
He always wears black.
We never see him in
the daylight, only after dark.
Oh, my god.
That does describe a vampire...
Or, you know, a bartender.
I should go get dressed.
Where you going, buddy?
Hot date?
I'll say.
She's going out
with a billionaire.
Lily, I told you
not to call him that.
Wait, you're really going out
with a billionaire?
He's not a billionaire.
He's a hundred-millionaire.
Why do people always round up?
So, uh, where's
thurston howell taking you?
A charity dinner.
Yeah, $2,000 a plate.
$1,500. Stop rounding up.
And it's for third world hunger.
You gonna put out?
What?
There's only one reason he's
taking her to this dinner,
And it's not so little mutu
can get his malaria pills.
I think my soul just
threw up a little bit.
Well, I'm gonna be late.
You guys have fun.
Bye.
See ya.
Bye.
See ya.
You okay?
Sure. Why?
Oh, I don't know.
Girl of your dreams
dating a billionaire.
Okay, first of all,
hundred-millionaire.
And second, she's not
the girl of my dreams.
We're just friends.
Look, it would not be smart
if we got together.
I mean, I'm looking to settle
down, she's looking for...
Wha...? You done? Great.
Check out table number four.
See that little
hottie on the end?
She's short
but has an ample bosom.
I love it.
She's, like, half boob.
Let's go.
Yeah, and say what?
What's our big opening line?
I... Uh...
Daddy's home.
Daddy's home?
Yeah.
Okay, you want us to go
over there right now
And say to those girls,
"daddy's home"?
Really think about that, barney.
Hmm.
Yeah, I think it's pretty solid.
Is there even a single item on
the menu that has garlic in it?
Garlic fries.
Okay, well, I'll get
back to you.
Oh, daddy's back.
See, if you'd taken a moment
to think about that...
Then daddy wouldn't have gotten
This seven-digit
father's day card from amy.
Ah.
That worked?
I hate the world.
Ted, your problem is all you do
is think, think, think.
I'm teaching you
how to do, do, do.
Doo-doo.
Totally.
So I think a lot.
I happen to have
a very powerful brain.
It can't be helped.
Oh, yes, it can.
Interesting.
Oh.
Ted, I believe you and I
met for a reason.
It's like the universe
was saying, "hey, barney,
"there's this dude--
he's pretty cool--
But it's your job
to make him awesome."
Your brain screws you up, ted.
It happened with robin,
it happened with half boob,
And it's gonna
Keep on happening
until you power down
That bucket of neuroses
inebriation-style.
So, what, you want me
to do a shot?
Oh, no.
I want you to do
Five shots.
Ooh. Ooh.
More interesting.
Barney, I think
you've officially...
No, don't think. Do.
Ted, he's right: You overthink.
Maybe you should overdrink.
Drink, drink...
Drink, drink, drink...
Drink, drink, drink...
Uh, lily, will you tell these
guys how stupid they're being?
Guys, you are being immature
and moronic, and drink, drink...
Oh!
Drink, drink, drink...
Drink, drink, drink...
Drink, drink...
Let me tell you something
about this brain, okay?
Drink!
Pure alcohol cannot
stop this brain.
Drink, drink...
I love it! I love
it! I love it!
This brain, dear mortals,
is no ordinary brain.
Drink, drink...
This is a super brain.
This brain is unstoppable.
This brain...
And that's all I remember.
Except for a few other
hazy memories.
But really, the next thing
I remember
Was waking up
the following morning.
So there were some
unanswered questions.
How much did I drink?
How did I sprain my ankle?
And who was this girl in my bed?
There's our rock star.
Okay, um...
What the hell happened
last night?
You really don't remember,
superbrain?
So uncle marshall
and aunt lilly filled me in.
And how did you guys
like the shots?
I drank all five, bitch.
I love drunk ted.
Marshall thinks
you're a vampire.
All right, if he pukes,
one of you guys cleans it up.
No dibs.
Oh.
No d... Damn it!
Yes.
How quickly you all forget.
I haven't puked
since high school.
I am vomit-free since '93.
Vomit-free since '93.
That's funny.
I'm funny!
Who are you calling?
Robin.
Oh, bad idea jeans.
No, no, it's a great idea.
That's the whole point
of getting drunk.
You do things you'd never do
In a million years
if you were sober.
Says every girl you've
ever slept with.
Say what?
Hello, robin. It's ted.
Oh, hi, ted.
Hello, robin. It's ted.
Hi, ted.
Sounds like you're having fun.
Robin, have I ever told you
that I am vomit-free since '93?
Listen, ted,
I can't really talk right...
'93?
Dude, that's impressive.
Oh... I don't say this enough,
but you're a great woman,
And a great reporter.
You should be on 60 minutes.
You should be
one of the minutes.
That's sweet... And odd.
But I'm kind of
on a date right now.
Yeah, and I disagree
with barney.
Just 'cause this guy's
spending a lot of money
Doesn't mean
you have to put out.
Take it slow, robin.
Take it slow.
Slow...
Bye, ted.
Slow...
Wow, right.
That's why we don't do shots.
Friends don't let
friends drink and dial.
I need that phone back.
You'll get this back
at the end of class.
Ding. Class dismissed.
Here you go, kid.
You call whoever you want.
Thank you, kind sir.
At least someone
appreciates the fact
That I am doing
and not thinking.
And now, I don't think
I won't not go to the bathroom.
Was that necessary?
He is not making
smart decisions.
Exactly. It's like,
what's he gonna do next?
I don't know,
but I want to find out.
Cheap trick?
Oh, ted.
Hello again, ted.
♪ hey, it's me again
♪ plain to see again
♪ please, can I
see you every day ♪
I love everyone in this bar!
And we love you, drunk ted!
♪ I'm a fool again
♪ I fell in lo...
Ow.
Ted?
Well, that explains the ankle.
Then we brought you home
and put you to bed.
Was there anyone else
in there with me?
Shh.
There's a girl in there!
I know.
And a pineapple.
I know.
Who is she?
I don't know.
What the hell happened
to my jacket?
Whoa.
That girl in there
is alive, right?
I should call barney.
Maybe he knows what happened.
Hello.
Why are you sleeping in our tub?
Uh, the porcelain keeps
the suit from wrinkling.
Wait, were you here when
I went to the bathroom
In the middle of the night?
Don't worry. I slept through it.
I totally didn't
sleep through it.
Oh, and wow, for a little girl,
you got a big tank.
How did you get
in here anyway?
We put ted to bed around 1:00.
Oh, you put ted
to bed, all right.
You guys take care of me.
You guys are the best.
I love you guys so much.
Good night, ted.
Love you, too, buddy.
I'm back, baby doll!
Hey!
Hey! Hey! Hey!
He rallies!
And the night begins now!
All right.
Game face on.
Carl, two more.
All right, what do we
think of this one?
I think she...
Trick question. No thinking.
You know what time it is?
Huh?
It's do o'clock. Let's ride.
Bring it!
Hi.
Have you met ted?
Excuse me.
You're calling robin.
I'm calling robin.
Ted, as your mentor
and spiritual guide,
I forbid you from calling her.
Oh, yeah?
What you gonna do?
If you complete that call,
I will set your coat on fire.
You're bluffing.
Hello, robin. It's ted.
Ted, for the last time, stop...
Ow!
Ted?
You set me on fire.
Real suede wouldn't
have gone up so fast.
You got robbed. This is a blend.
You set me on fire.
And who's the girl
In my bed?
There's a girl in your bed.
And a pineapple.
Am I the only one who's
curious about the pineapple?
Who is she?
I have no idea.
Nice.
You really don't know
No. After I hosed you down
with the beverage gun,
I brought you back here.
I'd better not
have gotten burned.
Ah...
Did any of you write that?
"hi. I'm ted.
If lost, please call..."
Whose number is that?
I don't know.
Dude, call it.
Ooh, hold on, I'm gonna
Make some popcorn.
Ooh. Okay, you can call now.
God, this is intense.
I love it.
Hello?
Uh... Hi.
Who's this?
You called me. Who's this?
It's ted.
It's carl from the bar.
And then carl filled us in.
Barney, you've always
taken care of me.
You are a gentlemen
and a scholar.
Go into
My stable
and take my finest stallion.
He's yours.
His name is windjammer.
Sleep it off, bro.
I'm back, baby doll!
Yeah.
And I...
Am gonna throw up.
I threw up?
Oh, my streak is over.
Vomit-free since '05
doesn't sound good.
Sorry, carl. Go on.
Carl...
Did you know the word
"karaoke"
Is japanese
for "empty orchestra"?
Isn't that hauntingly beautiful?
Are you a vampire?
All right, I'm
cutting you off.
Go home and get
some sleep, ted.
Yeah, the sun's gonna
come up soon.
Wouldn't want to be around
for that, would we?
Do you think it would be
to sneak into the zoo?
I have to see some penguins,
like, right now.
All right, give me your arm.
Okay.
This way, if you pass
out in the gutter...
It tickles.
...Someone will call me,
and I will come get you.
Thanks, carl.
We can't just be friends.
We're attracted to each other,
and we both know it.
Excuse me?
Me and robin, me and robin.
I have to make one more call.
Yeah, this'll go good.
Hey, it's me again.
Look, who are we kidding?
You and I are both attracted
to each other.
We-we're young, we're drunk--
half of us anyway--
And we only get one life.
So, why don't you come over
to my apartment right now,
And we'll think of something
stupid to do together?
Really? Great.
Wait. Really? Great.
Thanks, carl.
It's robin.
That's robin
in there.
Did you guys...?
Oh, come on. You've
got to give me this one.
Those five shots got
you further with robin
Than your brain ever did.
See what happens
when you don't think?
You do.
More importantly,
you do robin.
Come on.
All right, right over here.
But, uh, still,
What does this mean?
Are we dating now?
I-I mean, I never pictured it
going down this way,
But maybe that's how
it had to happen.
Someone get him a shot.
He's thinking again.
You know what?
Hold on, man.
Maybe it's not such a bad idea
to think about this one.
You and robin went down
this road before.
You got dinged up really bad.
You know who might
have something to say
About ted's future with robin?
Robin. Go wake her up.
Wake her up and say what?
Daddy's home.
Good luck, buddy.
Hello.
Ted, it's robin.
Are you sure?
Hey, robin,
How are you?
Ted, I think
You and I should have a talk
About those phone calls
last night.
Do you mind if I swing by?
Ask her about
the pineapple.
Uh, yeah, sure,
come on over.
Thanks.
No. Wait, d-d-don't come...
She's coming over. Crap!
Wait. This is killing me.
We have to find out
who that girl is.
Trudy.
My name is trudy.
And then, trudy filled us in.
I'm just surprised you
didn't dump him sooner.
I know. It's two years
of my life
I'm never getting back.
A little part of me wants
to just jump the bones
Of the next guy I see.
Daddy's home.
Or the one after that.
Okay, fair enough.
I've got to prove a point
to a friend, so...
You just gave me your number...
And your name is amy.
Ladies.
I love everyone in this bar!
Look at that idiot go.
He's kind of cute.
Ooh!
What are you doing
in the men's room?
What am I doing
in the ladies' room?
All right,
I came in here,
'cause I thought
I was gonna throw up.
Did you?
I did not.
And the streak continues--
vomit-free since
'93.
I'm sorry, trudy. Go on.
I liked your
performance.
What, the karaoke?
Domo arigato.
I wish I had your guts.
Getting up and making a
complete idiot of myself.
So, do it.
I don't know.
Still, I've had
a pretty serious week.
I could sure stand
to do something stupid.
I'm something stupid. Do me.
You're funny.
Hey, can I call you sometime?
Okay.
Ha, ha.
Here, let me.
Why do they call it karaoke,
anyhow?
Was it invented by a woman
named carrie okey?
These are the kinds of things
I think about.
Karaoke is japanese
for "empty orchestra."
Wow.
That's hauntingly beautiful.
Hey, it works.
Then I guess you're
gonna have to call me.
I got to make one more call.
Hello?
Hey, it's me again.
Hey.
Look, who are
we kidding?
You and I are both
attracted to each other.
We're-we're young,
we're drunk--
Half of us, anyway--
And we only
get one life.
So, I came over here.
And now I'm really,
really embarrassed.
Damn it, trudy!
What about
the pineapple?
Sorry. Sorry. Sorry!
Ah, robin's here.
Um, look, trudy,
I need you to hide
in my bedroom.
Why? Is that
your girlfriend?
Ah, no, that's not
my girlfriend.
Um, look, it's complicated.
Oh, you're married.
Yeah, I know.
I can't believe
I did this.
No, no, no,
I-I'm not married. Um...
I'll explain
after you hide.
Hey.
Hi, guys.
Hey, robin,
top of the morning.
Hi.
Hi, robin.
Good sweater.
Um, sorry I kept
calling you like that.
I was pretty drunk.
Uh, no kidding.
Those calls were really weird.
Look, ted, maybe
we need to talk.
Let's go get a snack.
I love to snack.
I'm good.
Hmm.
Come on, those calls
weren't that weird.
Robin! Come hang out!
Okay, I'm gonna make this sound
till you come hang out.
Aaah....
That goes on
for three-and-a-half minutes.
Without a breath?
That's got to be
some kind of record.
Oh, ted, you can't do this.
Please.
We agreed to be friends,
And now you're making it
all confusing.
No, I'm not.
Look, I-I just turned off
my brain for the night.
Nothing's changed.
You've moved on.
I've moved on.
Really? You've moved on?
Yes. What, you
don't believe me?
Oh. Uh, okay.
Trudy, come on out.
You are gonna laugh.
Wait. You were with someone
last night?
Yeah, trudy. She's cool.
Trudy, come on out.
Yeah, seriously,
it's okay.
This is so trudy.
She's really shy...
I think.
Trudy?
Hi, trudy. I'm robin.
It's nice to meet you.
You're right.
She is shy.
She-she must have climbed
out the fire escape.
Whatever. Whatever!
I-I don't care
what you think.
Then why'd you hide her
from me?
Wow. You're good.
Anyone ever tell you
you should be
on 60 minutes?
Yes. You did... Last night.
Really?
Well...
Get some sleep, ted.
You had a long night.
And don't feel bad.
I've woken up with worse.
I left trudy a message,
but she never called me back.
That's just how life works
sometimes.
You turn off your brain
for a night,
And all your left with
the next day is a bad hangover,
A sprained ankle
and a pineapple.
Oh, we never found out
where that pineapple came from,
But it was delicious.
From back in the days
before I met your mother.
But there's one story
I don't remember.
Uncle marshall still refers to
it as "the pineapple incident."
The night started
like any other.
We were downstairs at the bar.
On the house.
Wow!
Oh!
It's my own concoction.
I call it the red dragon.
Thanks, carl.
Wow!
That was really sweet.
We're not really
Doing shots, are we?
I hope not.
No, no, no.
Ugh! These look
kind of like blood.
Okay, I know that you've all
dismissed this theory before.
But is there any chance
that carl is a vampire?
That's ridiculous.
No, you guys, I'm serious.
Think about it.
He always wears black.
We never see him in
the daylight, only after dark.
Oh, my god.
That does describe a vampire...
Or, you know, a bartender.
I should go get dressed.
Where you going, buddy?
Hot date?
I'll say.
She's going out
with a billionaire.
Lily, I told you
not to call him that.
Wait, you're really going out
with a billionaire?
He's not a billionaire.
He's a hundred-millionaire.
Why do people always round up?
So, uh, where's
thurston howell taking you?
A charity dinner.
Yeah, $2,000 a plate.
$1,500. Stop rounding up.
And it's for third world hunger.
You gonna put out?
What?
There's only one reason he's
taking her to this dinner,
And it's not so little mutu
can get his malaria pills.
I think my soul just
threw up a little bit.
Well, I'm gonna be late.
You guys have fun.
Bye.
See ya.
Bye.
See ya.
You okay?
Sure. Why?
Oh, I don't know.
Girl of your dreams
dating a billionaire.
Okay, first of all,
hundred-millionaire.
And second, she's not
the girl of my dreams.
We're just friends.
Look, it would not be smart
if we got together.
I mean, I'm looking to settle
down, she's looking for...
Wha...? You done? Great.
Check out table number four.
See that little
hottie on the end?
She's short
but has an ample bosom.
I love it.
She's, like, half boob.
Let's go.
Yeah, and say what?
What's our big opening line?
I... Uh...
Daddy's home.
Daddy's home?
Yeah.
Okay, you want us to go
over there right now
And say to those girls,
"daddy's home"?
Really think about that, barney.
Hmm.
Yeah, I think it's pretty solid.
Is there even a single item on
the menu that has garlic in it?
Garlic fries.
Okay, well, I'll get
back to you.
Oh, daddy's back.
See, if you'd taken a moment
to think about that...
Then daddy wouldn't have gotten
This seven-digit
father's day card from amy.
Ah.
That worked?
I hate the world.
Ted, your problem is all you do
is think, think, think.
I'm teaching you
how to do, do, do.
Doo-doo.
Totally.
So I think a lot.
I happen to have
a very powerful brain.
It can't be helped.
Oh, yes, it can.
Interesting.
Oh.
Ted, I believe you and I
met for a reason.
It's like the universe
was saying, "hey, barney,
"there's this dude--
he's pretty cool--
But it's your job
to make him awesome."
Your brain screws you up, ted.
It happened with robin,
it happened with half boob,
And it's gonna
Keep on happening
until you power down
That bucket of neuroses
inebriation-style.
So, what, you want me
to do a shot?
Oh, no.
I want you to do
Five shots.
Ooh. Ooh.
More interesting.
Barney, I think
you've officially...
No, don't think. Do.
Ted, he's right: You overthink.
Maybe you should overdrink.
Drink, drink...
Drink, drink, drink...
Drink, drink, drink...
Uh, lily, will you tell these
guys how stupid they're being?
Guys, you are being immature
and moronic, and drink, drink...
Oh!
Drink, drink, drink...
Drink, drink, drink...
Drink, drink...
Let me tell you something
about this brain, okay?
Drink!
Pure alcohol cannot
stop this brain.
Drink, drink...
I love it! I love
it! I love it!
This brain, dear mortals,
is no ordinary brain.
Drink, drink...
This is a super brain.
This brain is unstoppable.
This brain...
And that's all I remember.
Except for a few other
hazy memories.
But really, the next thing
I remember
Was waking up
the following morning.
So there were some
unanswered questions.
How much did I drink?
How did I sprain my ankle?
And who was this girl in my bed?
There's our rock star.
Okay, um...
What the hell happened
last night?
You really don't remember,
superbrain?
So uncle marshall
and aunt lilly filled me in.
And how did you guys
like the shots?
I drank all five, bitch.
I love drunk ted.
Marshall thinks
you're a vampire.
All right, if he pukes,
one of you guys cleans it up.
No dibs.
Oh.
No d... Damn it!
Yes.
How quickly you all forget.
I haven't puked
since high school.
I am vomit-free since '93.
Vomit-free since '93.
That's funny.
I'm funny!
Who are you calling?
Robin.
Oh, bad idea jeans.
No, no, it's a great idea.
That's the whole point
of getting drunk.
You do things you'd never do
In a million years
if you were sober.
Says every girl you've
ever slept with.
Say what?
Hello, robin. It's ted.
Oh, hi, ted.
Hello, robin. It's ted.
Hi, ted.
Sounds like you're having fun.
Robin, have I ever told you
that I am vomit-free since '93?
Listen, ted,
I can't really talk right...
'93?
Dude, that's impressive.
Oh... I don't say this enough,
but you're a great woman,
And a great reporter.
You should be on 60 minutes.
You should be
one of the minutes.
That's sweet... And odd.
But I'm kind of
on a date right now.
Yeah, and I disagree
with barney.
Just 'cause this guy's
spending a lot of money
Doesn't mean
you have to put out.
Take it slow, robin.
Take it slow.
Slow...
Bye, ted.
Slow...
Wow, right.
That's why we don't do shots.
Friends don't let
friends drink and dial.
I need that phone back.
You'll get this back
at the end of class.
Ding. Class dismissed.
Here you go, kid.
You call whoever you want.
Thank you, kind sir.
At least someone
appreciates the fact
That I am doing
and not thinking.
And now, I don't think
I won't not go to the bathroom.
Was that necessary?
He is not making
smart decisions.
Exactly. It's like,
what's he gonna do next?
I don't know,
but I want to find out.
Cheap trick?
Oh, ted.
Hello again, ted.
♪ hey, it's me again
♪ plain to see again
♪ please, can I
see you every day ♪
I love everyone in this bar!
And we love you, drunk ted!
♪ I'm a fool again
♪ I fell in lo...
Ow.
Ted?
Well, that explains the ankle.
Then we brought you home
and put you to bed.
Was there anyone else
in there with me?
Shh.
There's a girl in there!
I know.
And a pineapple.
I know.
Who is she?
I don't know.
What the hell happened
to my jacket?
Whoa.
That girl in there
is alive, right?
I should call barney.
Maybe he knows what happened.
Hello.
Why are you sleeping in our tub?
Uh, the porcelain keeps
the suit from wrinkling.
Wait, were you here when
I went to the bathroom
In the middle of the night?
Don't worry. I slept through it.
I totally didn't
sleep through it.
Oh, and wow, for a little girl,
you got a big tank.
How did you get
in here anyway?
We put ted to bed around 1:00.
Oh, you put ted
to bed, all right.
You guys take care of me.
You guys are the best.
I love you guys so much.
Good night, ted.
Love you, too, buddy.
I'm back, baby doll!
Hey!
Hey! Hey! Hey!
He rallies!
And the night begins now!
All right.
Game face on.
Carl, two more.
All right, what do we
think of this one?
I think she...
Trick question. No thinking.
You know what time it is?
Huh?
It's do o'clock. Let's ride.
Bring it!
Hi.
Have you met ted?
Excuse me.
You're calling robin.
I'm calling robin.
Ted, as your mentor
and spiritual guide,
I forbid you from calling her.
Oh, yeah?
What you gonna do?
If you complete that call,
I will set your coat on fire.
You're bluffing.
Hello, robin. It's ted.
Ted, for the last time, stop...
Ow!
Ted?
You set me on fire.
Real suede wouldn't
have gone up so fast.
You got robbed. This is a blend.
You set me on fire.
And who's the girl
In my bed?
There's a girl in your bed.
And a pineapple.
Am I the only one who's
curious about the pineapple?
Who is she?
I have no idea.
Nice.
You really don't know
No. After I hosed you down
with the beverage gun,
I brought you back here.
I'd better not
have gotten burned.
Ah...
Did any of you write that?
"hi. I'm ted.
If lost, please call..."
Whose number is that?
I don't know.
Dude, call it.
Ooh, hold on, I'm gonna
Make some popcorn.
Ooh. Okay, you can call now.
God, this is intense.
I love it.
Hello?
Uh... Hi.
Who's this?
You called me. Who's this?
It's ted.
It's carl from the bar.
And then carl filled us in.
Barney, you've always
taken care of me.
You are a gentlemen
and a scholar.
Go into
My stable
and take my finest stallion.
He's yours.
His name is windjammer.
Sleep it off, bro.
I'm back, baby doll!
Yeah.
And I...
Am gonna throw up.
I threw up?
Oh, my streak is over.
Vomit-free since '05
doesn't sound good.
Sorry, carl. Go on.
Carl...
Did you know the word
"karaoke"
Is japanese
for "empty orchestra"?
Isn't that hauntingly beautiful?
Are you a vampire?
All right, I'm
cutting you off.
Go home and get
some sleep, ted.
Yeah, the sun's gonna
come up soon.
Wouldn't want to be around
for that, would we?
Do you think it would be
to sneak into the zoo?
I have to see some penguins,
like, right now.
All right, give me your arm.
Okay.
This way, if you pass
out in the gutter...
It tickles.
...Someone will call me,
and I will come get you.
Thanks, carl.
We can't just be friends.
We're attracted to each other,
and we both know it.
Excuse me?
Me and robin, me and robin.
I have to make one more call.
Yeah, this'll go good.
Hey, it's me again.
Look, who are we kidding?
You and I are both attracted
to each other.
We-we're young, we're drunk--
half of us anyway--
And we only get one life.
So, why don't you come over
to my apartment right now,
And we'll think of something
stupid to do together?
Really? Great.
Wait. Really? Great.
Thanks, carl.
It's robin.
That's robin
in there.
Did you guys...?
Oh, come on. You've
got to give me this one.
Those five shots got
you further with robin
Than your brain ever did.
See what happens
when you don't think?
You do.
More importantly,
you do robin.
Come on.
All right, right over here.
But, uh, still,
What does this mean?
Are we dating now?
I-I mean, I never pictured it
going down this way,
But maybe that's how
it had to happen.
Someone get him a shot.
He's thinking again.
You know what?
Hold on, man.
Maybe it's not such a bad idea
to think about this one.
You and robin went down
this road before.
You got dinged up really bad.
You know who might
have something to say
About ted's future with robin?
Robin. Go wake her up.
Wake her up and say what?
Daddy's home.
Good luck, buddy.
Hello.
Ted, it's robin.
Are you sure?
Hey, robin,
How are you?
Ted, I think
You and I should have a talk
About those phone calls
last night.
Do you mind if I swing by?
Ask her about
the pineapple.
Uh, yeah, sure,
come on over.
Thanks.
No. Wait, d-d-don't come...
She's coming over. Crap!
Wait. This is killing me.
We have to find out
who that girl is.
Trudy.
My name is trudy.
And then, trudy filled us in.
I'm just surprised you
didn't dump him sooner.
I know. It's two years
of my life
I'm never getting back.
A little part of me wants
to just jump the bones
Of the next guy I see.
Daddy's home.
Or the one after that.
Okay, fair enough.
I've got to prove a point
to a friend, so...
You just gave me your number...
And your name is amy.
Ladies.
I love everyone in this bar!
Look at that idiot go.
He's kind of cute.
Ooh!
What are you doing
in the men's room?
What am I doing
in the ladies' room?
All right,
I came in here,
'cause I thought
I was gonna throw up.
Did you?
I did not.
And the streak continues--
vomit-free since
'93.
I'm sorry, trudy. Go on.
I liked your
performance.
What, the karaoke?
Domo arigato.
I wish I had your guts.
Getting up and making a
complete idiot of myself.
So, do it.
I don't know.
Still, I've had
a pretty serious week.
I could sure stand
to do something stupid.
I'm something stupid. Do me.
You're funny.
Hey, can I call you sometime?
Okay.
Ha, ha.
Here, let me.
Why do they call it karaoke,
anyhow?
Was it invented by a woman
named carrie okey?
These are the kinds of things
I think about.
Karaoke is japanese
for "empty orchestra."
Wow.
That's hauntingly beautiful.
Hey, it works.
Then I guess you're
gonna have to call me.
I got to make one more call.
Hello?
Hey, it's me again.
Hey.
Look, who are
we kidding?
You and I are both
attracted to each other.
We're-we're young,
we're drunk--
Half of us, anyway--
And we only
get one life.
So, I came over here.
And now I'm really,
really embarrassed.
Damn it, trudy!
What about
the pineapple?
Sorry. Sorry. Sorry!
Ah, robin's here.
Um, look, trudy,
I need you to hide
in my bedroom.
Why? Is that
your girlfriend?
Ah, no, that's not
my girlfriend.
Um, look, it's complicated.
Oh, you're married.
Yeah, I know.
I can't believe
I did this.
No, no, no,
I-I'm not married. Um...
I'll explain
after you hide.
Hey.
Hi, guys.
Hey, robin,
top of the morning.
Hi.
Hi, robin.
Good sweater.
Um, sorry I kept
calling you like that.
I was pretty drunk.
Uh, no kidding.
Those calls were really weird.
Look, ted, maybe
we need to talk.
Let's go get a snack.
I love to snack.
I'm good.
Hmm.
Come on, those calls
weren't that weird.
Robin! Come hang out!
Okay, I'm gonna make this sound
till you come hang out.
Aaah....
That goes on
for three-and-a-half minutes.
Without a breath?
That's got to be
some kind of record.
Oh, ted, you can't do this.
Please.
We agreed to be friends,
And now you're making it
all confusing.
No, I'm not.
Look, I-I just turned off
my brain for the night.
Nothing's changed.
You've moved on.
I've moved on.
Really? You've moved on?
Yes. What, you
don't believe me?
Oh. Uh, okay.
Trudy, come on out.
You are gonna laugh.
Wait. You were with someone
last night?
Yeah, trudy. She's cool.
Trudy, come on out.
Yeah, seriously,
it's okay.
This is so trudy.
She's really shy...
I think.
Trudy?
Hi, trudy. I'm robin.
It's nice to meet you.
You're right.
She is shy.
She-she must have climbed
out the fire escape.
Whatever. Whatever!
I-I don't care
what you think.
Then why'd you hide her
from me?
Wow. You're good.
Anyone ever tell you
you should be
on 60 minutes?
Yes. You did... Last night.
Really?
Well...
Get some sleep, ted.
You had a long night.
And don't feel bad.
I've woken up with worse.
I left trudy a message,
but she never called me back.
That's just how life works
sometimes.
You turn off your brain
for a night,
And all your left with
the next day is a bad hangover,
A sprained ankle
and a pineapple.
Oh, we never found out
where that pineapple came from,
But it was delicious.