How I Met Your Father (2022–…): Season 2, Episode 17 - Out of Sync - full transcript
The gang go a day without their cell phones, forced to face the world without help from the internet.
♪ Ba-ba-ba-ba, ba-ba-ba-ba ♪
♪ Ba-ba, da-da-da-da-da-da
da-da-da ♪
- Son, back in the day,
my friends and I spent way
too much time on our phones.
Is this another tangent?
- Yes! But it's a fun one.
It even has a musical guest.
- Why is Rachel wishing everyone
a happy International
Daughters Day?
Do you think she's dating a
new woman with a daughter?
Oh, my God.
Rachel's gonna be a sexy
stepmom, and I'm gonna die alone!
- So, Ellen's gone mad since
breaking up with Rachel.
- Ellen, I think you
need a phone break.
- Yeah, she's not the only one.
- Oh! Which Power Ranger am I?
- Enough!
We need a break! An
entire day with no phones,
no screens, no internet.
Who's with me?
Hey!
Now Charlie has
to clean that up.
- Come on! Anyone?
- Fine. I'm in.
Whole day with no Internet. Ha!
On an unrelated note, does anyone know
if they still make porno magazines?
- Sid, gimme.
Done.
- Mm. Anybody else?
- Yeah, I'm in.
- Won't even be hard for me.
Unlike the rest of you losers,
I'm not a prisoner to my phone.
'Cause I read novels.
And I write music.
And I think.
- Hm...
- Also, I got my first
date with Parker tonight,
and I never use
my phone on dates
because I like to be
present, to observe...
and slay.
- Hoo!
Dude!
- Ooh...
- You're going out with the cute
gym teacher from your school?
- Mm-hmm. I just did a cool,
casual ask a colleague out,
ran it up the flagpole with HR,
filled out the requisite
paperwork, was assigned my witness,
and invited her to dinner.
- Hey, Val. You with us?
- The Taupe Ranger?
Who the hell is that?
Hey! What the...
- I'm invoking
my BFF power of attorney.
Sid, put these in the bar safe.
At midnight, we'll all meet
back here, collect our phones,
and toast to our
glorious device-free day!
- So... what do we do now?
- Just sit here.
Alone.
With our thoughts.
- Quick, somebody say something. I
don't do well alone with my thoughts.
Oh no. Here they come.
- What's wrong? You look great.
- I know,
but I can't post a selfie,
so no one will ever know.
- I got my first paycheck.
But, I can't use my phone,
so we have to go deposit it
the old-fashioned way.
What a great phone-free
walk that was!
I waltzed with a doorman.
I waved to a dog in a stroller.
I nodded thoughtfully
at a mural to show
that I supported its
political message.
Is your eye twitching?
- Gah! We should have gotten
pagers to ease the comedown!
Val, just breathe.
Okay, you need to lean in
to phone-free life. Just...
take in this bank
with me. Oh, my God.
It's a pen on a chain!
- Fine. I'll take in the bank.
Okay.
- Clock.
Door.
- Mm-hmm.
Uh...
Lance Bass and Joey Fatone.
Wait, what?
- Holy shit. Holy shit.
Oh, my God, it's 40% of NSYNC.
Oh, my God.
They still hang out together.
They still bank together.
Oh, my God, if we go to more banks,
do you think we can collect them all?
- G-God! I love NSYNC!
Stridex Medicated Acne Pads
Presents The Monsters of Pop Tour
was my first concert!
- Uh-uh, no, no, no, no, no.
Don't try to out-NSYNC fan me.
I learned how to masturbate
to Digital Get Down.
- W-We have to go talk to them.
W-What do we do? What do we do?!
- Brush their hair out of
their eyes and kiss 'em.
- Um... I think
you dropped this?
- Did I?
- Oh, silly old me.
- We're new to in-person banking,
so we just didn't realize how...
slippery the pens are.
- Y'all are funny.
- I don't mean to brag,
but my friends did call me
the laughingstock
of our high school.
- That's sad. But,
look at you now.
I mean, you're a banking beauty.
- Oh, that's good.
- Right? Song.
- ♪ She's a banking beauty ♪
♪ Doing her financial duty ♪
- ♪ And her friend is
a total... cutie! ♪
I don't know, is this real life?
So , so...
W-W-What are you guys
doing at the bank?
- I don't trust mobile deposits.
People are too dependent
on their phones nowadays.
- Oh, my God, we're in the middle
of a phone-free challenge right now.
- That's so cool.
- It was my idea.
- Oh, nice.
Well, uh, if you wanna do something
without your phones tonight,
we're going to a party.
Would you guys like to come?
I mean ,
yeah, sure, I guess.
- Yeah, I'm down.
- Alright, great.
It's at the old bologna factory.
- See you there?
- Yeah, yeah, yeah. I mean,
not if we see you first.
But you probably won't
'cause we're really short.
There's gonna be lots of
people there.
- ♪ Well, can't wait to hang ♪
♪ Banking beauties ♪
- Alright, buddy,
it's over, alright?
We have some errands to
do. We gotta go to Meineke.
We gotta go to the
post office. Let's go.
- Well, c-can we still
go to Jamba Juice?
- We'll see.
- "We'll see" means no.
Lance, you always say that!
- Can't believe we're gonna party
with NSYNC at the old bologna factory!
- I know, I know,
I know, I know!
Where is the old
bologna factory?
- No idea. I thought you knew.
- Nuh-uh.
I didn't want Lance
to think we were dumb.
I mean, he almost went to space.
- Mm!
Uh, we'll just look it up.
How?
H-H-How do people find
stuff without the internet?!
So, this is a library.
What's that smell?
- Knowledge.
- I am telling you, a spa day
is the perfect way to
take your mind off Rachel.
We have cucumber
water, face masks,
essential oil diffuser. Huh?
Guess the smell. Go on.
It's tea tree!
- The FedEx guy just left a
giant box at Rachel's door.
No signature required.
Interesting.
- Ellen...
- I bet it's that mini-trampoline
she's always wanted.
Maybe, she'll come over and
ask me if I wanna jump on it,
and then I'll say, "Take
me back forever says what?"
And then she'll say, "What?"
And then she'll take me back.
And then we'll bounce and bounce
forever and ever and ever.
- Okay! This madness ends now.
We are going to have a
nice, relaxing spa day,
stop obsessing over
Rachel whether you like it
or not.
- Sucker!
I can still see
through the crack.
Right.
Do not make me tape you, too.
- Oh, my God.
- Well, thank you for picking
a vegetarian place for me.
You know, I was just
reading in the Atlantic
that most of the world's population
will have to give up meat
by 2100 because
of climate change.
- Yeah.
- Interesting.
Huh.
That
is interesting,
but you don't know
anything about it.
Go to the bathroom and
google climate change
so she thinks you're
interesting, too.
You can't. You don't
have your phone. Huh.
That's okay, big guy. You
don't need your phone.
You're a great
conversationalist. A raconteur.
Well, I'll be dead by 2100.
And so will you. I mean, you know,
you'll be dead for sure, so...
- I mean, yeah, I-I hope so.
I would not look cute at 110.
You're not a
raconteur. You're an idiot!
You just told her
when she'd be dead by.
- Evening, you two.
Let me tell you about
our specials tonight.
You can
turn this around.
You just read that Esquire
article about surefire ways
to impress a woman
on a first date.
What were some of them?
Pull out her chair!
She's already sitting.
Be fun! Uh, be generous!
Yes, that's it. Be generous!
We'll take all of them!
- All six of the specials?
Are you sure?
- Yep!
I'm just a fun...
try-a-lot-of-stuff kinda guy.
And give us
your best bottle of champagne.
- Right away.
- Hey, it's on me. I gotta
keep racking up these points
if I'm ever gonna make
it to Quebec City.
She laughed!
She loved your Quebec City joke!
You're crushing this, and she's
gonna think you're hot shit
when you slap your card down...
Your credit card's
in your phone case.
You have no way of paying for this
dinner, you stupid idiot.
- Here it is.
The answer to all
of our problems.
A Complete History of Manhattan's
Meat Factories, Volume Two.
Do you know how I got this?
One of the grandmas who
worked here climbed a ladder.
This book is gonna take
us straight to NSYNC.
Okay.
B...
for bologna factory...
Hm.
- What?
- There's, like, dozens
of old bologna factories.
Who knew New York
was such a hub for deli meat?
- I'm never gonna get to hook
up with Lance Bass, am I?
- Val.
He's famously gay.
- Lance Bass?
No! He dated Topanga.
- Oh, my God.
If I had my phone right now, I would
show you Lance's beautiful husband.
- If I had my phone,
I would google where
the bologna factory is!
- Well, you don't have your
phone because we made a pact.
- You know what? Screw the
pact. I didn't DocuSign shit!
- See? We are so relaxed,
we look like the women
in the "after" part of an
antidepressant commercial.
- Mm-hmm. Totally
relaxed over here.
Charlie?
I think we need to take this
spa day to the next level.
- Massages? Well,
I am open to it,
- but your hands are so
tiny and cold. - No.
Sensory deprivation.
To truly disconnect and relax,
we need to block out the world.
Busy Philipps said
on her podcast
that she does a sensory
deprivation spa day
whenever she's stressed.
- Well, I trust anyone that
was in the film White Chicks.
Right. I'm in.
- Ah.
Charlie?
Charlie...
Charlie!
Oh, damn it.
Oop.
Don't panic.
You've got this.
Just call a friend to come
spot you a few hundred bucks.
Think, Jesse. Think!
Just call any phone
number you know by heart.
This is 88.1 WESU-FM,
Wesleyan University's
number-one radio station.
- Can you play Sweater
Weather by The Neighbourhood?
Okay. Just go
tell Parker the truth.
She'll spot you for dinner,
you'll pay her back,
and one day, you'll
laugh about this.
A story to tell the
grandkids. Who knows?
Maybe we will live
till we're 110!
Nope. You can't
tell her. Damn it.
You could have memorized your
credit card number, Jesse,
instead of Coach Taylor's speech
from the Friday Night Lights pilot.
- Sid, I need my phone back.
- Sid, give me back my phone now.
- Sid, do not give
her her phone, or her.
God, you guys are weak.
I am not gonna let you quit this
like you quit our ballet lesson!
- My toes were bloody stumps!
- Okay, I'm only giving phones back
in case of absolute emergencies.
So, Ellen, state your emergency.
- I have to know
what Rachel is doing.
Like, what if she posts one of
those TikTok videos that goes,
"One thing about me is..." I
wanna know what the thing is.
- Request denied.
- I hate you.
You're the meanest
person I've ever met,
and I rode in an elevator
with Rachael Ray.
- What did Rachael Ray do?
Hey! Hey. What did
Rachael Ray do?!
- My thing is an emergency.
Sophie and I need to find
an old bologna factory,
so we can go to a
party with NSYNC!
- You mean the Schmitz Meatpacking
Warehouse on 14th Street?
Yeah, it's an old bologna factory
that's an event space now.
- How do you know that?!
- Seriously?
I know I sound like
a broken record,
but there is nothing I love more
than an old processed
meat factory. Mm.
- I must have not
been there for that.
- Come on. Let's go
party with NSYNC!
- Okay, let's! SOPHIE:
Wait, wait, wait.
Why are you coming?
- Do you like NSYNC?
- Seriously?
Oh, this?
Just an exact replica of
Justin Timberlake's iconic
American Music Awards
red carpet look.
And I know. I sound like a
broken record, but, uh...
I'm an NSYNC superfan.
- Huh. I have no
memory of that either.
- Me neither. I
definitely wasn't there.
Lance and Joey!
Lance, Lance and Joey!
- Come on!
Dah!
I can't believe
we're gonna party with NSYNC!
But do you think we're
all going to do the
It's Gonna Be Me
choreography together later?
- Should I go practice? I think,
I... Yeah, I'm gonna go practice.
Oh, my God, wait. There they are.
Oh!
- They are not NSYNC.
They're just... dudes.
What?
No, no, no, no, wait.
We... We saw them!
- Lance called us "y'all."
They made up a song about us!
- We were so blinded by the
thrill of being off our phones
that we let two random dudes
sing to us at the bank.
Ew!
- Ugh, this would've
never happened
if I had been able to Google
Image "Joey Fatone 2023."
- I cannot believe you got
me excited for nothing!
Like, I am never,
ever gonna get over...
Oh, my God.
Are those original stainless
steel meat extruders?
- Listen, I really thought
that getting off our phones
was gonna lead to some magical
reconnection with the real world.
- Um...
Soph, I don't trust my eyes
without my phone anymore but, uh...
I think that's Ian.
- Whoa, whoa! Hey, hey, hey,
Parker! Where are you going?
I'm leaving, Jesse.
You left me here for half an hour
with enough food for six people.
Everyone here thought I was
stood up by my whole family,
which is a thing that's
happened to me before.
So thank you so much for making
me relive my 14th birthday.
- Wait, hold on, Parker, wait, wait,
wait. Look, look, look, look, look.
I'm sorry, okay?
I just, after we ordered, I
realized I forgot my credit card.
- Oh. Why didn't you
just tell me that?
- Because I already
ordered all this food.
- Why did you do that?
- Because I really
like you, okay?
And I felt like my conversation
skills were sucking,
and I was trying to distract
you by being fun and generous,
like a... like a medieval king.
- Jesse, medieval kings are notoriously
terrible people. I mean, historically...
- Please don't say anything
interesting about medieval kings, okay?
'Cause I'm not gonna have
anything interesting to say back,
and I'm just gonna end
up ordering more food.
- Okay. Don't worry.
I got this.
- You... got this?
What... What are you...
- Well, it doesn't work if the
hair is the same color as mine.
Uh, excuse me, sir!
Yeah, this is so disgusting.
I think I'm gonna
be sick.
Wait till I tell my followers about
this. One of whom is Taye Diggs.
- I am so sorry.
Let me go speak
with the manager.
Your meal will be
completely comped I'm sure.
- So, you're, like...
a little insane, huh?
- Oh, yeah. I'm totally nuts.
I sat here for 30 minutes
while you ran around the city.
- How are you?
How are things?
- I'm good. Really good.
Now that I'm
working at Columbia,
I feel like I finally have
my feet on solid ground.
Probably because I'm not
working on a boat anymore,
but mostly because...
I think I'm back in
the city for good.
- Oh.
- Hey.
Sophie,
this is my girlfriend, Kiana.
- Hi, nice to meet you.
Kiana, hey. Such a pretty name.
- Yeah.
- Thank you.
And the name Ian
is in Kiana.
- Yeah.
- So, Ian is in Kiana!
Or
he will be later!
I
think I'm gonna go.
Excuse me. Excuse me.
What's going on?
- The landlord was stealing
gas from next door,
and some idiot busted the line.
- I bet the idiot was probably on
a really valid emotional journey.
- Either way, they caused
a very dangerous gas leak.
- I did?! I mean, they did?
My roommate is up there!
- Nah, we evacuated
the building.
Knocked on the door, sent
out emergency texts.
He'd have to be doing some hardcore
sensory deprivation to miss all that.
Is that smoke?
- ♪ And I... ♪
♪ Will always love you ♪
♪ I will always ♪
♪ Love you ♪
♪ I will always ♪
♪ Love you ♪
♪ I will always ♪
♪ Love you ♪
♪ I will always... ♪
I always thought
that thing about how
a mom's adrenaline
can lift a car off a baby
was a myth, but look at me.
I'm a supermom!
- And I'm the helpless little
cutie that inspired you!
You know what?
If Rachel doesn't wanna be
with someone who loves so hard
that she'd risk dying in a
gas leak of her own design
to save a friend, that's on her!
- Hell yeah, it is!
I'm sorry I called your
hands small and cold.
They're strong.
And cold.
- Yeah.
- Are you okay?
- Yeah.
I'm happy for him.
- Sophie, this is Ian.
Getting blindsided by him with some
new girl has to hurt a little bit.
- Actually, I wasn't
blindsided at all.
I knew all about Kiana,
the public defender who has a
three-legged cat, does hot yoga...
- Oh?
- From Ian's Insta.
- Oh...
- Yeah.
Pretty much everyone that I've
dated is in a relationship.
Oscar.
Robert.
There was a cute girl
in Drew's Insta story.
Turns out, she's
just a handsy cousin.
Stop, stop,
stop. Stop. Stop, stop, stop.
Our moms are sisters!
- Probably pretty soon,
I'm gonna see a picture
of Jesse with this Parker
girl in, like, a photo booth
with a caption like,
"I think I'll keep him." Ugh...
- So the real reason you
wanted this no-phones day...
- Yes, I needed a break.
Just one day off
from feeling like everyone
is just moving forward,
and I'm stuck.
Standing still.
- It's funny. You needed
an escape from your phone,
and I use mine to escape.
When I scroll, my brain turns
off, and I stop wondering
when I'll meet anyone I like
as much as I like Charlie.
- Why haven't we told each
other this stuff sooner?
Oh, my God!
My No Phone Day did help
us reconnect with the world
'cause I reconnected with you.
You are my world
- Sophie, please don't say things
to my face you wouldn't text me.
You're my best friend,
and I love you.
God!
Five, four, three,
two, one! Midnight!
- Happy everyone gets
their phone back!
Yes. SOPHIE: Honestly,
you know what? I thought
it was a really good day.
Right? Like, we should get
off our phones more often.
- Oh! Parker texted me!
She just got home, and she's
already missing ya boy!
- Probably 'cause she's never
heard you say "ya boy" before.
- No... No!
- What?
Look! LANCE BASS : What's up, y'all?
We're partying here at
Schmidt's Meatpacking Warehouse!
- Where are the girls we met at the
bank? I bet the blonde can dance.
- Ah, seriously. My husband's already
okayed the other one as my hall pass.
- The pain still feels fresh.
♪ Bye Bye Bye by NSYNC playing ♪
♪ Don't wanna be
a fool for you ♪
♪ Just another player
in your game for two ♪
♪ You may hate me,
but it ain't no lie ♪
♪ Baby, bye bye bye ♪
♪ Don't really wanna
make it tough ♪
♪ Just wanna tell you
that I had enough ♪
♪ It might sound crazy,
but it ain't no lie ♪
♪ Baby, bye bye bye ♪
♪ Oh oh oh ♪
♪ You just hit me with
the truth, now... ♪
♪ Ba-ba, da-da-da-da-da-da
da-da-da ♪
- Son, back in the day,
my friends and I spent way
too much time on our phones.
Is this another tangent?
- Yes! But it's a fun one.
It even has a musical guest.
- Why is Rachel wishing everyone
a happy International
Daughters Day?
Do you think she's dating a
new woman with a daughter?
Oh, my God.
Rachel's gonna be a sexy
stepmom, and I'm gonna die alone!
- So, Ellen's gone mad since
breaking up with Rachel.
- Ellen, I think you
need a phone break.
- Yeah, she's not the only one.
- Oh! Which Power Ranger am I?
- Enough!
We need a break! An
entire day with no phones,
no screens, no internet.
Who's with me?
Hey!
Now Charlie has
to clean that up.
- Come on! Anyone?
- Fine. I'm in.
Whole day with no Internet. Ha!
On an unrelated note, does anyone know
if they still make porno magazines?
- Sid, gimme.
Done.
- Mm. Anybody else?
- Yeah, I'm in.
- Won't even be hard for me.
Unlike the rest of you losers,
I'm not a prisoner to my phone.
'Cause I read novels.
And I write music.
And I think.
- Hm...
- Also, I got my first
date with Parker tonight,
and I never use
my phone on dates
because I like to be
present, to observe...
and slay.
- Hoo!
Dude!
- Ooh...
- You're going out with the cute
gym teacher from your school?
- Mm-hmm. I just did a cool,
casual ask a colleague out,
ran it up the flagpole with HR,
filled out the requisite
paperwork, was assigned my witness,
and invited her to dinner.
- Hey, Val. You with us?
- The Taupe Ranger?
Who the hell is that?
Hey! What the...
- I'm invoking
my BFF power of attorney.
Sid, put these in the bar safe.
At midnight, we'll all meet
back here, collect our phones,
and toast to our
glorious device-free day!
- So... what do we do now?
- Just sit here.
Alone.
With our thoughts.
- Quick, somebody say something. I
don't do well alone with my thoughts.
Oh no. Here they come.
- What's wrong? You look great.
- I know,
but I can't post a selfie,
so no one will ever know.
- I got my first paycheck.
But, I can't use my phone,
so we have to go deposit it
the old-fashioned way.
What a great phone-free
walk that was!
I waltzed with a doorman.
I waved to a dog in a stroller.
I nodded thoughtfully
at a mural to show
that I supported its
political message.
Is your eye twitching?
- Gah! We should have gotten
pagers to ease the comedown!
Val, just breathe.
Okay, you need to lean in
to phone-free life. Just...
take in this bank
with me. Oh, my God.
It's a pen on a chain!
- Fine. I'll take in the bank.
Okay.
- Clock.
Door.
- Mm-hmm.
Uh...
Lance Bass and Joey Fatone.
Wait, what?
- Holy shit. Holy shit.
Oh, my God, it's 40% of NSYNC.
Oh, my God.
They still hang out together.
They still bank together.
Oh, my God, if we go to more banks,
do you think we can collect them all?
- G-God! I love NSYNC!
Stridex Medicated Acne Pads
Presents The Monsters of Pop Tour
was my first concert!
- Uh-uh, no, no, no, no, no.
Don't try to out-NSYNC fan me.
I learned how to masturbate
to Digital Get Down.
- W-We have to go talk to them.
W-What do we do? What do we do?!
- Brush their hair out of
their eyes and kiss 'em.
- Um... I think
you dropped this?
- Did I?
- Oh, silly old me.
- We're new to in-person banking,
so we just didn't realize how...
slippery the pens are.
- Y'all are funny.
- I don't mean to brag,
but my friends did call me
the laughingstock
of our high school.
- That's sad. But,
look at you now.
I mean, you're a banking beauty.
- Oh, that's good.
- Right? Song.
- ♪ She's a banking beauty ♪
♪ Doing her financial duty ♪
- ♪ And her friend is
a total... cutie! ♪
I don't know, is this real life?
So , so...
W-W-What are you guys
doing at the bank?
- I don't trust mobile deposits.
People are too dependent
on their phones nowadays.
- Oh, my God, we're in the middle
of a phone-free challenge right now.
- That's so cool.
- It was my idea.
- Oh, nice.
Well, uh, if you wanna do something
without your phones tonight,
we're going to a party.
Would you guys like to come?
I mean ,
yeah, sure, I guess.
- Yeah, I'm down.
- Alright, great.
It's at the old bologna factory.
- See you there?
- Yeah, yeah, yeah. I mean,
not if we see you first.
But you probably won't
'cause we're really short.
There's gonna be lots of
people there.
- ♪ Well, can't wait to hang ♪
♪ Banking beauties ♪
- Alright, buddy,
it's over, alright?
We have some errands to
do. We gotta go to Meineke.
We gotta go to the
post office. Let's go.
- Well, c-can we still
go to Jamba Juice?
- We'll see.
- "We'll see" means no.
Lance, you always say that!
- Can't believe we're gonna party
with NSYNC at the old bologna factory!
- I know, I know,
I know, I know!
Where is the old
bologna factory?
- No idea. I thought you knew.
- Nuh-uh.
I didn't want Lance
to think we were dumb.
I mean, he almost went to space.
- Mm!
Uh, we'll just look it up.
How?
H-H-How do people find
stuff without the internet?!
So, this is a library.
What's that smell?
- Knowledge.
- I am telling you, a spa day
is the perfect way to
take your mind off Rachel.
We have cucumber
water, face masks,
essential oil diffuser. Huh?
Guess the smell. Go on.
It's tea tree!
- The FedEx guy just left a
giant box at Rachel's door.
No signature required.
Interesting.
- Ellen...
- I bet it's that mini-trampoline
she's always wanted.
Maybe, she'll come over and
ask me if I wanna jump on it,
and then I'll say, "Take
me back forever says what?"
And then she'll say, "What?"
And then she'll take me back.
And then we'll bounce and bounce
forever and ever and ever.
- Okay! This madness ends now.
We are going to have a
nice, relaxing spa day,
stop obsessing over
Rachel whether you like it
or not.
- Sucker!
I can still see
through the crack.
Right.
Do not make me tape you, too.
- Oh, my God.
- Well, thank you for picking
a vegetarian place for me.
You know, I was just
reading in the Atlantic
that most of the world's population
will have to give up meat
by 2100 because
of climate change.
- Yeah.
- Interesting.
Huh.
That
is interesting,
but you don't know
anything about it.
Go to the bathroom and
google climate change
so she thinks you're
interesting, too.
You can't. You don't
have your phone. Huh.
That's okay, big guy. You
don't need your phone.
You're a great
conversationalist. A raconteur.
Well, I'll be dead by 2100.
And so will you. I mean, you know,
you'll be dead for sure, so...
- I mean, yeah, I-I hope so.
I would not look cute at 110.
You're not a
raconteur. You're an idiot!
You just told her
when she'd be dead by.
- Evening, you two.
Let me tell you about
our specials tonight.
You can
turn this around.
You just read that Esquire
article about surefire ways
to impress a woman
on a first date.
What were some of them?
Pull out her chair!
She's already sitting.
Be fun! Uh, be generous!
Yes, that's it. Be generous!
We'll take all of them!
- All six of the specials?
Are you sure?
- Yep!
I'm just a fun...
try-a-lot-of-stuff kinda guy.
And give us
your best bottle of champagne.
- Right away.
- Hey, it's on me. I gotta
keep racking up these points
if I'm ever gonna make
it to Quebec City.
She laughed!
She loved your Quebec City joke!
You're crushing this, and she's
gonna think you're hot shit
when you slap your card down...
Your credit card's
in your phone case.
You have no way of paying for this
dinner, you stupid idiot.
- Here it is.
The answer to all
of our problems.
A Complete History of Manhattan's
Meat Factories, Volume Two.
Do you know how I got this?
One of the grandmas who
worked here climbed a ladder.
This book is gonna take
us straight to NSYNC.
Okay.
B...
for bologna factory...
Hm.
- What?
- There's, like, dozens
of old bologna factories.
Who knew New York
was such a hub for deli meat?
- I'm never gonna get to hook
up with Lance Bass, am I?
- Val.
He's famously gay.
- Lance Bass?
No! He dated Topanga.
- Oh, my God.
If I had my phone right now, I would
show you Lance's beautiful husband.
- If I had my phone,
I would google where
the bologna factory is!
- Well, you don't have your
phone because we made a pact.
- You know what? Screw the
pact. I didn't DocuSign shit!
- See? We are so relaxed,
we look like the women
in the "after" part of an
antidepressant commercial.
- Mm-hmm. Totally
relaxed over here.
Charlie?
I think we need to take this
spa day to the next level.
- Massages? Well,
I am open to it,
- but your hands are so
tiny and cold. - No.
Sensory deprivation.
To truly disconnect and relax,
we need to block out the world.
Busy Philipps said
on her podcast
that she does a sensory
deprivation spa day
whenever she's stressed.
- Well, I trust anyone that
was in the film White Chicks.
Right. I'm in.
- Ah.
Charlie?
Charlie...
Charlie!
Oh, damn it.
Oop.
Don't panic.
You've got this.
Just call a friend to come
spot you a few hundred bucks.
Think, Jesse. Think!
Just call any phone
number you know by heart.
This is 88.1 WESU-FM,
Wesleyan University's
number-one radio station.
- Can you play Sweater
Weather by The Neighbourhood?
Okay. Just go
tell Parker the truth.
She'll spot you for dinner,
you'll pay her back,
and one day, you'll
laugh about this.
A story to tell the
grandkids. Who knows?
Maybe we will live
till we're 110!
Nope. You can't
tell her. Damn it.
You could have memorized your
credit card number, Jesse,
instead of Coach Taylor's speech
from the Friday Night Lights pilot.
- Sid, I need my phone back.
- Sid, give me back my phone now.
- Sid, do not give
her her phone, or her.
God, you guys are weak.
I am not gonna let you quit this
like you quit our ballet lesson!
- My toes were bloody stumps!
- Okay, I'm only giving phones back
in case of absolute emergencies.
So, Ellen, state your emergency.
- I have to know
what Rachel is doing.
Like, what if she posts one of
those TikTok videos that goes,
"One thing about me is..." I
wanna know what the thing is.
- Request denied.
- I hate you.
You're the meanest
person I've ever met,
and I rode in an elevator
with Rachael Ray.
- What did Rachael Ray do?
Hey! Hey. What did
Rachael Ray do?!
- My thing is an emergency.
Sophie and I need to find
an old bologna factory,
so we can go to a
party with NSYNC!
- You mean the Schmitz Meatpacking
Warehouse on 14th Street?
Yeah, it's an old bologna factory
that's an event space now.
- How do you know that?!
- Seriously?
I know I sound like
a broken record,
but there is nothing I love more
than an old processed
meat factory. Mm.
- I must have not
been there for that.
- Come on. Let's go
party with NSYNC!
- Okay, let's! SOPHIE:
Wait, wait, wait.
Why are you coming?
- Do you like NSYNC?
- Seriously?
Oh, this?
Just an exact replica of
Justin Timberlake's iconic
American Music Awards
red carpet look.
And I know. I sound like a
broken record, but, uh...
I'm an NSYNC superfan.
- Huh. I have no
memory of that either.
- Me neither. I
definitely wasn't there.
Lance and Joey!
Lance, Lance and Joey!
- Come on!
Dah!
I can't believe
we're gonna party with NSYNC!
But do you think we're
all going to do the
It's Gonna Be Me
choreography together later?
- Should I go practice? I think,
I... Yeah, I'm gonna go practice.
Oh, my God, wait. There they are.
Oh!
- They are not NSYNC.
They're just... dudes.
What?
No, no, no, no, wait.
We... We saw them!
- Lance called us "y'all."
They made up a song about us!
- We were so blinded by the
thrill of being off our phones
that we let two random dudes
sing to us at the bank.
Ew!
- Ugh, this would've
never happened
if I had been able to Google
Image "Joey Fatone 2023."
- I cannot believe you got
me excited for nothing!
Like, I am never,
ever gonna get over...
Oh, my God.
Are those original stainless
steel meat extruders?
- Listen, I really thought
that getting off our phones
was gonna lead to some magical
reconnection with the real world.
- Um...
Soph, I don't trust my eyes
without my phone anymore but, uh...
I think that's Ian.
- Whoa, whoa! Hey, hey, hey,
Parker! Where are you going?
I'm leaving, Jesse.
You left me here for half an hour
with enough food for six people.
Everyone here thought I was
stood up by my whole family,
which is a thing that's
happened to me before.
So thank you so much for making
me relive my 14th birthday.
- Wait, hold on, Parker, wait, wait,
wait. Look, look, look, look, look.
I'm sorry, okay?
I just, after we ordered, I
realized I forgot my credit card.
- Oh. Why didn't you
just tell me that?
- Because I already
ordered all this food.
- Why did you do that?
- Because I really
like you, okay?
And I felt like my conversation
skills were sucking,
and I was trying to distract
you by being fun and generous,
like a... like a medieval king.
- Jesse, medieval kings are notoriously
terrible people. I mean, historically...
- Please don't say anything
interesting about medieval kings, okay?
'Cause I'm not gonna have
anything interesting to say back,
and I'm just gonna end
up ordering more food.
- Okay. Don't worry.
I got this.
- You... got this?
What... What are you...
- Well, it doesn't work if the
hair is the same color as mine.
Uh, excuse me, sir!
Yeah, this is so disgusting.
I think I'm gonna
be sick.
Wait till I tell my followers about
this. One of whom is Taye Diggs.
- I am so sorry.
Let me go speak
with the manager.
Your meal will be
completely comped I'm sure.
- So, you're, like...
a little insane, huh?
- Oh, yeah. I'm totally nuts.
I sat here for 30 minutes
while you ran around the city.
- How are you?
How are things?
- I'm good. Really good.
Now that I'm
working at Columbia,
I feel like I finally have
my feet on solid ground.
Probably because I'm not
working on a boat anymore,
but mostly because...
I think I'm back in
the city for good.
- Oh.
- Hey.
Sophie,
this is my girlfriend, Kiana.
- Hi, nice to meet you.
Kiana, hey. Such a pretty name.
- Yeah.
- Thank you.
And the name Ian
is in Kiana.
- Yeah.
- So, Ian is in Kiana!
Or
he will be later!
I
think I'm gonna go.
Excuse me. Excuse me.
What's going on?
- The landlord was stealing
gas from next door,
and some idiot busted the line.
- I bet the idiot was probably on
a really valid emotional journey.
- Either way, they caused
a very dangerous gas leak.
- I did?! I mean, they did?
My roommate is up there!
- Nah, we evacuated
the building.
Knocked on the door, sent
out emergency texts.
He'd have to be doing some hardcore
sensory deprivation to miss all that.
Is that smoke?
- ♪ And I... ♪
♪ Will always love you ♪
♪ I will always ♪
♪ Love you ♪
♪ I will always ♪
♪ Love you ♪
♪ I will always ♪
♪ Love you ♪
♪ I will always... ♪
I always thought
that thing about how
a mom's adrenaline
can lift a car off a baby
was a myth, but look at me.
I'm a supermom!
- And I'm the helpless little
cutie that inspired you!
You know what?
If Rachel doesn't wanna be
with someone who loves so hard
that she'd risk dying in a
gas leak of her own design
to save a friend, that's on her!
- Hell yeah, it is!
I'm sorry I called your
hands small and cold.
They're strong.
And cold.
- Yeah.
- Are you okay?
- Yeah.
I'm happy for him.
- Sophie, this is Ian.
Getting blindsided by him with some
new girl has to hurt a little bit.
- Actually, I wasn't
blindsided at all.
I knew all about Kiana,
the public defender who has a
three-legged cat, does hot yoga...
- Oh?
- From Ian's Insta.
- Oh...
- Yeah.
Pretty much everyone that I've
dated is in a relationship.
Oscar.
Robert.
There was a cute girl
in Drew's Insta story.
Turns out, she's
just a handsy cousin.
Stop, stop,
stop. Stop. Stop, stop, stop.
Our moms are sisters!
- Probably pretty soon,
I'm gonna see a picture
of Jesse with this Parker
girl in, like, a photo booth
with a caption like,
"I think I'll keep him." Ugh...
- So the real reason you
wanted this no-phones day...
- Yes, I needed a break.
Just one day off
from feeling like everyone
is just moving forward,
and I'm stuck.
Standing still.
- It's funny. You needed
an escape from your phone,
and I use mine to escape.
When I scroll, my brain turns
off, and I stop wondering
when I'll meet anyone I like
as much as I like Charlie.
- Why haven't we told each
other this stuff sooner?
Oh, my God!
My No Phone Day did help
us reconnect with the world
'cause I reconnected with you.
You are my world
- Sophie, please don't say things
to my face you wouldn't text me.
You're my best friend,
and I love you.
God!
Five, four, three,
two, one! Midnight!
- Happy everyone gets
their phone back!
Yes. SOPHIE: Honestly,
you know what? I thought
it was a really good day.
Right? Like, we should get
off our phones more often.
- Oh! Parker texted me!
She just got home, and she's
already missing ya boy!
- Probably 'cause she's never
heard you say "ya boy" before.
- No... No!
- What?
Look! LANCE BASS : What's up, y'all?
We're partying here at
Schmidt's Meatpacking Warehouse!
- Where are the girls we met at the
bank? I bet the blonde can dance.
- Ah, seriously. My husband's already
okayed the other one as my hall pass.
- The pain still feels fresh.
♪ Bye Bye Bye by NSYNC playing ♪
♪ Don't wanna be
a fool for you ♪
♪ Just another player
in your game for two ♪
♪ You may hate me,
but it ain't no lie ♪
♪ Baby, bye bye bye ♪
♪ Don't really wanna
make it tough ♪
♪ Just wanna tell you
that I had enough ♪
♪ It might sound crazy,
but it ain't no lie ♪
♪ Baby, bye bye bye ♪
♪ Oh oh oh ♪
♪ You just hit me with
the truth, now... ♪