House of Lies (2012–2016): Season 4, Episode 4 - We Can Always Just Overwhelm the Vagus Nerve with Another Sensation - full transcript

Previously on House of Lies:

I can't really get over
everything that's happened.

We need to just get through

this transition,

and then you should
leave for good.

I have an idea for an app.
It's basically Uber,

but with doctors.
With doctors.

Kind of brilliant, Kelse.

Get up and fuck
your ovulating wife.

Use the Fuck Force.

Cuckoo, cuckoo, cuckoo.



It's time for Doug
to take care of Doug.

Did you mean to say, uh,

"Yo, girl, you're one
crazy country"?

We should "F" Doug

in his "A."

My money.

Sarah!

Oh, my God.

Our boy,
Ellis Gage Hightower,

godhead of electric cars.

This piece of business
is our ticket

out of the shit shed.

You still
stubbornly insist on being

Ellis Hightower's
slobbery lapdog?



Is Dante Valerio trying
to push me out?

After I told you
that I am carrying your baby,

I can't believe
that you have no reaction.

This is my reaction.

Aha! What'd you think?

Illuminating.
Good, good, good.

Yeah, unforgettable.

Thrill ride of the summer.

If you only read one
business plan this year,

make it "Cost Analysis,

"Marketing Orientation
and Profitability Objectives

for a GPS-Based Physician..."

Okay, you can stop.
So you didn't even read it.

No, I did not read it.
Because...?

Because business plans
are just pages and pages

of pseudoscience with the
actual predictive power

of a random number generator.

I know they're necessary
to draw in money people,

because money people are stupid,

but they're total bullshit.

It's a good thing
I didn't choose a career

where that's
pretty much all I do.

Hey, Kelse! Check this shit out.

Your boss wants you
to check that shit out.

Dude, right behind you,
there's a bee.

No, that was a woman.

I thought it was
a really big bee.

I'm allergic.

So, how's your day job going?

We'd better fucking
make this work.

Yeah. I'm gonna work...

I need you to babysit

that useless
PR woman Ellis hired.

We can't afford any hiccups
at the town hall today.

Well, we can always just
overwhelm the vagus nerve

with another sensation.

That's how you cure
actual hiccups, so...

Little Doug fact.

Just keep an eye out.

I should be to Gage by 1:00.

By 1:00? What, you're
not flying up with us?

No, I have a thing this morning.

Okay. What do you mean,
you have a thing?

I mean I have a thing.

Okay. What thing?

I'm strapping on a dildo
and fucking your mom.

I don't see how this
is any of your business.

It's Ellis' first day back
after prison.

Gage is preparing to roll
out the new model today.

We're only at the
most critical juncture

on our most important consult.

But no, no,
no-- go ahead.

You, uh, enjoy your tennis game.

Yep, 'cause that's
what I'm doing.

I'm playing tennis.

What were you
and Marty smoking

when you decided to put so
many eggs in one basket?

With smaller clients and
shorter gigs, we'd be seeing

more fees sooner...

First of all,
it was Marty who...

Gesundheit.

Fuck.

See, if I'd have known
that was the strategy,

I'd have never... have agreed
to defer so much salary

while K and A... Oh, my
God, what's happening?

I peed myself, Doug.
What?

That's what's happening.
Thanks, pregnancy.

Look...

Dumpster diving isn't gonna
make K and A a player again,

but if we kick ass at Gage,

then the future is nothing

but lollipops
and rainbows, okay?

Doug?

What's that?

Really?
Really what?

My pee-soaked underpants
intrigue you?

No. No!

Why were you just lost in
some sort of fucked-up reverie?

What? No, I wasn't... I was not.

Excuse me. I just wasn't
interested in listening

to your bullshit
rationalization right now.

Speaking of which, I would like
all the salary I deferred

right now.
Okay.

Hey, Marty, Doug
wants us to pay him

his entire deferred
salary right now today.

That's nice.

So your boy,
Ellis Hightower, called me

at 3:30 in the morning.

He was on his way in
to the Gage offices.

On foot.

Doesn't he lives in Tiburon?

Isn't that like 20 miles?

I'm so glad we tied our
future to this guy.

I mean-- wait--

I'm so glad we tied
our future to this guy.

All right, let's get going.

Okay. I'm not, um...

Remember, I'm... I don't fly up
till this afternoon.

Oh, yeah, right.

She's got a thing this morning.

Something you don't need
underpants for, apparently.

Give us a minute, Doug.

Sure. Yeah.

Are you really not...?

No.
Oh.

Our baby is toying
with my bladder.

What, did you want to...?

Just, with today
being the big day,

and Ellis being Ellis,

and his d?tente
with the board still fragile,

I thought I can cancel this
meeting with the headhunter.

Only because... you know,
she's a good friend,

I can reschedule.

Oh, no, I...
I got that covered.

You don't have to worry
about that.

We're good.
Okay. No, great.

Great. Then I'll see
you this afternoon.

Okay.

Oh, hey, uh, before
your meeting,

you might want to
purchase a pair of...

Yeah, I got it covered.

Okay, yeah,
that's what I'm saying.

You might want
to get it covered.

No, I'll... I'm gonna cover it.

I'm not gonna not wear...

And what we've accomplished
thus far

is nothing short of a miracle.

And so now
we are once again poised

to change the course
of human history.

Yes! That's right!

Wow.
You know what I think

I like the most about your boy?
Hmm?

Is his humility.

For me, it's
little-boy haircut,

then humility.

Okay, say what you want,
but he has got these people

in the palm of his hands.

And look at the way
he commands their attention.

It's almost Hitleresque.

- You back there...
- I wonder how Ellis

matches up when it comes
to world domination

and Jew killing.

Jew killing.

Now, God rested
on the seventh day,

but we do not have that luxury.

We have a mission to fulfill.

So now I say
let's get back to work

and fulfill the Gage destiny.
Let's do it!

Wow.

Did he just take God down
for being lazy?

Wow. Even Adolf Hitler

never sucker-punched
the big guy, right?

No, what I was saying

is that Hitler
had a compelling presence.

I'm... Back me up, Marty.
Come on.

Oh, yeah. I love Hitler.
That's my nigga.

You can't say it.

- I want to.
- I know. You can't.

Hey, Monica.

Oh, hey.

You know, every time
I turn around, there you are?

I mean, I'm flattered, but...

That's funny, 'cause I
feel like my teachers

told me that the world
revolved around the sun.

Public schools.
Yeah.

Idiots.

I'm actually here

representing my
firm's interests.

Oh, you forgot?

Chairman of the
board is a client.

What? Sinatra?

Yeah.
What a get for Demark, huh?

Oh...

Marty, you remember
Dante Valerio.

Ring-a-ding-ding.

I'll be at the hotel
if something comes up.

Okay.

And the snake slithers away.

A little paternal advice:

after you've chased
everyone off,

there's no one else to
blame if things go south.

Good luck today.

All right.

Who wants to go take a look
into the fucking future?

Uh...
Wait a minute.

Are you talking about the car?

Because I wouldn't
put it past you

to have built a time machine.
Ah.

I wouldn't, either.

- It's possible.
- Yes.

Well...

You should come.

Sounds like a hoot.

Great. Let's go.

Gentlemen?
Yes. All right.

So, this car of yours,

does it have a backseat?

It's really intended as
a two-person vehicle.

The rear compartment's
pretty tight.

Oh. Well, the best
rear compartments usually are.

Doesn't mean
you can't squeeze in.

Okay, there she is.

Let's take a look.

Yes.
Let's do it.

Can I talk to you?
Stop it.

Monica, Monica.
What?

What...what are you doing?

Oh, don't worry.
I'm not going to fuck Ellis.

I know he's your
special friend from prison.

I think you should,

'cause that's the
only shot you got.

Is it? Is there going to be
press at the town hall?

Because Dante has been in
such a chatty mood lately.

The war is over.
Your guy lost.

"I question whether
Ellis Hightower possesses

"the proper skill set
and temperament

"for the future of Gage
as we move

into this next stage
of our evolution."

Is that your Dante Valerio?

Oh, do you think
that that's gonna

cause unrest among shareholders?

Because I... I think
he could dial it up a notch.

What does Dante want exactly?

Ellis gone.
That it?

But he would settle

for a three-year renewal
on his chairmanship

and acknowledgment
at the town hall

of the huge role he played
in Gage's success.

Oh, that's very generous,

but none of that shit's
going to happen.

Here's what I can do for you:
Gage sun visor and a key chain.

No way.
Yep.

I'll take it--and fuck yourself.
Great.

Hey, come... listen,
listen, listen.

How badly does Dante want

to be on the wrong
side of history?

Because, if he comes out
publicly against Ellis,

all of that cred he's built up

for the last three
decades as being

a fucking thought leader
in technology-- bye-bye.

Oh, no.
You and I both know that this car

is going to be met with
a social media tsunami.

What the fuck is that?!
So here's what you need to do.

I thought we fucking
discussed this!

What the fuck is that?
Go tell your boy to bite his tongue,

or he's going to look
like a fucking idiot.

I think he's going to look
like a fucking genius.

Want to know what I think
of your fucking work?

Ellis, Ellis, Ellis.
Exactly what I fucking think?

Stop, man, what are you doing?
Mr. Hightower...

No, no, no, no,
no, no, no. No!

What is wrong with you?

It's bigger than I thought.

- There's your bonus.
- Fuck, Ellis.

Don't you fucking say
my name, I'm peeing.

That's okay, it's just a little
urine-- that'll come right out.

Idiot.

Do we have another
one of these or...?

Hey, Ellis...
Think about what you're doing!

I know exactly what I'm doing.
What the fuck? No, no...

Fuck!

Easy!

No! Okay.

Whoa!
Oh, God.

Fix that.

You could fix that.

Oh, it's so good.

How are you gonna fix that?

Absolutely, I will, thanks.

Erin, it's so good to see you.

It's good to see you...

are having a baby.

Hopefully not right this minute.

So, like I said
in my e-mail,

I'm just exploring
the idea of making a change.

With K and A emerging
from the ashes,

I feel like now would be a good
time to see what's out there.

Huh.

What?

I really wish you'd told
me you were pregnant.

Because you would have
brought a baby gift?

You're an employer.

How would you feel if you
invested precious time

in a big new hire.

And then a month later, she
was out on maternity leave.

- I would recognize that
there are laws in place. - Really?

I can be back in three weeks.

Exhausted. Distracted.

Missing meetings because your
baby's got the sniffles

or your nanny flaked.
So your nanny has never flaked?

I'd built up a
reservoir of good will.

Even still, having
kids, it's limited me.

You're a fucking
great headhunter.

So if a candidate
isn't served up

on a silver platter...

I'm an executive recruiter.

And I am fucking
great at my job.

So am I.

So tell them that.

Tell them that baby or no baby,

no one shrewder or smarter
will walk through their door.

Tell them I am not going
to be one of those mothers.

I will push up against the legal
limits of neglect here, okay?

There will be a seat filler
at every Little League game,

every ballet recital.

My kid is gonna walk
around the house and go,

"Who the fuck is that blonde lady?"
I'm sorry, Jeannie.

I am just having trouble
getting a read on this.

I'm not saying I never
saw you with a kid;

it's the timing.

With your company in flux,

I figured you'd just...

Oh, that's nice.

Oh, don't act all hurt, okay?

We've known each other
for a long time.

If abortion clinics were Subway,

you'd have earned a free
sandwich years ago.

I've never had an abortion.

Okay.

I haven't.

Do you want my medical rec...?

I mean...

Erin...

You've always been so meticulous
and driven about your career.

I don't get
the "Why now?"

I want it all.

Isn't that what every
woman's looking for?

Sure.

Well, it was nice catching up.

Look, I'm happy to put
your name out there.

But my advice is wait
to make a change.

Then, when you're
in that sweet spot

where you've taken off
all the baby weight

but your tits are still huge,

give me a call.

That's probably smart.

You said it yourself.

K and A is rising
from the ashes.

Enjoy the ride.

We are so fucked.

Yeah.

You know, at least you
have a safety valve

with your Kelsey venture.

That is right.

So, basically,
just you're fucked.

So things seem to be proceeding
apace with the app?

They are. They are, Douglas.

Great.

Hey, if you ever want me
to have a little look

at your business plan,
I'd be happy...

No, we're good.
We're good, thanks.

Yeah, no problem.
Thank you, buddy, but we're good.

Good, that's good.
No need to have you on board.

Very good.
That is good, good is good.

But it's not great, and
wouldn't it better to be great?

I can't believe I never thought
about it like that.

Yeah.
Maybe...

Yeah.
Maybe, I don't know.

Hey, you know, I
just had a thought.

Yeah, please.
Can't wait.

I was just spitballing here.

But what if I came on board?

Lended a hand?

And you just had this thought?

Yeah.
Right now, just...

You never thought about it
before this moment?

Bing.
It was like a little lightbulb.

That's what it felt like.

Wow, I didn't notice
that, okay, cool, yeah.

I mean, getting a business
off the ground, it's a bear.

It's tough, yeah.
It is really tough, you know?

The more big brains,
the better, am I right?

And you've got
the biggest brain of all.

Would you...

Stop, you're the living end.

Am I killing you?
This is hilarious?

Oh, my God, we
could bottle this.

This, sure.
And we can.

That's the thing-- the
two of us, side-by-side.

We'd rule the world.

You and I?

Uh-huh, what's
stopping us?

Well, there is...
there is one issue.

Come on, what?

I don't want to.

No, like, I really
don't want to.

Ah, okay.
Yeah.

Well, yeah, I mean,
obviously it's your...

it's your call to make, so...

Thanks, man, it is,
and thank you very much

for understanding, I appreciate it.
Ah, that's fine.

But I don't want you there, so...

That's fi...

Okay, you listen to me,
you little pissant.

All right, you
bring me on board,

or I tell Marty.

I'll tell him how
you're moonlighting.

How you're splitting your focus.

Hey, Marty, I'm actually, uh,

developing a new piece of
software with one of the coders

from Yo Where's the Party App.

Who gives a shit?
Who gives a shit?

- Okay, either one of you guys
talk to Jeannie? - No.

I swear to God...

Answer the phone, Jeannie.

Answer the phone!

What, is that one of those
old-school answering machines

where they can
actually hear you...?

That's not the right time,
Doug, shut the fuck up.

I did...
What are you talking about?

Okay, do you want to guess

what caused Ellis' little act
of road rage?

What is it?

If you said the moldings
on the gear-shift panel

weren't rounded enough,
give yourself a cookie.

Are you fucking serious?

No, wait...

So, without a car to show,
then there's no town hall?

N-N-N-No, if there's no town
hall, Ellis goes tits up.

And if he's dead,
guess who else is...

Oh, beautiful.

Hey, Jeannie.

Where the fuck have you been?

Looking for a new job

since you want me gone
from our company.

So maybe ease up
on the throttle.

Listen, listen, listen.

Ellis literally took a piss
on the prototype.

Okay, so...

So you are gonna
high-tail your ass

to Berkeley,

and go whisper sweet nothings
into Maya Lindholm's ear.

We talked about that
when we booked the consult,

but we dismissed it
as a fool's errand.

Yeah, well, it's back
on the fucking table, Boo-Boo,

because we got
no goddamn choice.

Good to talk to you.

Oh, wow.

People dreamed of
doubling the density

of the standard
lithium ion battery,

and you guys are quadrupling it?

That's exciting.

Yeah. Well, thanks.

And, actually, when you...
And still the intended.

MSRP is only 12 grand?

You're actually building
a zero-emission car

that a working
person can afford.

I applaud that.
I just don't understand.

How is it not gonna be
a huge money suck?

Well, each car will cost us
$10,000 to manufacture...

Sure, that's what they'll cost

once you have a
significant unit volume,

but how long is that gonna take,

considering you have
no physical plant,

no distribution network,
no technicians,

no marketing...
I'm sorry. Who are you here to see?

- Did I not...
- Sorry.

Pregnancy brain. Always.
I'm Jeannie Van Der Hooven.

Oh.
I'm a management consultant.

Oh. Well, we're not
at the consultant stage yet,

Jeannie, but...
That's okay.

I'm not here to reel you in.

I am here

on behalf of another client.

Ellis Hightower.

Okay, geniuses, now what?

Well, the speculation has been

that you're announcing
a rollout.

But because we've kept
this event

shrouded in secrecy,
we got options.

Mm-hmm.
Right. So we just need a compelling reason

for the town hall.
Yeah, something that's gonna land

above the masthead
of The Huff Post.

Look. Okay.
Don't think.

Just say a name.

Mm-hmm.
Who's the best engineer

that's ever worked here?

Go.
Bam.

Are you thinking?

So don't think, remember?

The best engineer

I ever worked with
was Maya Lindholm.

- What does that have to do...
- Boom.

Boom.
That's it. That's the one.

"Dynamic Duo
Rides Again."

Mmm.
Oh, boy.

"Gage Cofounders Reunite
in Historic Partnership."

Oh. Ellis,
do you see it?

That, my friend, is a goddamn headline.
Yeah.

Or we go with this headline:
"Gage Founder Chokes

on Own Dick Before Ever Working
with That Cunt Again."

Are you kidding me?

He has got
a borderline personality.

He's a raging misogynist.

I hate his voice.

I hate his stupid
macrobiotic diet. And...

She blames herself entirely.
Yeah, she actually said that leaving here

was the biggest mistake
she ever made because...

I lost millions in
stock options, but I thank God

every day that I don't have to
work with that pompous asshole.

Ha. She never embraced
the notion that this company's

on a divine mission
to reshape the universe.

Not to mention he's really
warmed to the idea

of serving a low-end market.

Ellis loves your car.

Here's another headline: "Gage
Founder Again Chokes on Own Dick

"Before Building Any Version

of Maya's Cheap Ass
Electric Crap Box."

You don't think Japan is gonna
reverse engineer your technology

in a nanosecond
and flood the market?

Probably with a ludicrous
markup, too. With Gage,

you're up and running
in a heartbeat.

It'll never see
the light of day.

Once Maya's on board,
just bury the car.

Come on. You don't think
you can roll her?

Listen, get her down here.

You do whatever the fuck
you want.

Right.
And you will have full...

...operational
control.

I won't even consider this
if I don't have it.

- You'll have it.
- You still want

to be running a company
tomorrow?

We got no other moves.

Fine.

Fine.

Hey, I just hit 7-Eleven,
and, huh, look what I got.

Baby Ruth.
I don't think you can eat in here, Doug.

It's your favorite, though, right, Clyde?
Yeah.

I'd give you some, but, uh,
guess what, I don't want to.

No, I really don't want to.

- What are you doing?
- Mmm.

Oh, this is gonna be good.

Excuse me, sir?
He's got food.

Don't...
Excuse me, sir.

You can't, you can't
eat this in here.

Yeah, I understand that.
You can't eat in here.

It's not, it's not about eating.
It was about proving a point.

"You can't eat this in here" is what he said.
Mm-hmm. I got it.

You're a dick. You know that?

Because I won't let you
join my company?!

It's a business,
not a weekly poker game.

Which I also have
and you also can't join.

You know Sarah left
me and you have never

asked me once how I feel!

You wanted her to go.
She wiped me out!

Not a cent left
in my bank account.

My car, my furniture.

She sold my bird.

She... she sold your bird?

Well, he's gone!

He could just be gone!

It's not funny, Clyde.

It's pretty funny.
She sold...

It's not funny!

All right. Okay.

I'm sorry that happened to you.

Sincerely, Doug, I am sorry
that happened to you.

I have nothing, Clyde.

I mean it. Nothing.

Chances are this app
won't make any money.

Most startups don't.

It's not even about the money.

I mean, it's probably a little
bit about the money.

Obviously, a part of it is the money
because I need money, you know.

But...
I'll discuss it with Kelsey.

Really?
Yeah.

I don't want to, but I will.

Just got off the
phone with Jeannie.

She and Maya will be
here any minute.

Okay.
That's good.

What are you guys babbling...?

Will you please
welcome Gage founder and CEO

Ellis Hightower!

? Here we go, here we go ?

? You're the champion,
here we go, here we go ?

? You're the champion,
you're the champ ?

? Here we go, here we go ?

? You're the champion,
you're the champ ?

? You're the champ,
you're the champions ?

? You're the, you're the,
you're the... ?

Where's your boy?

Dramatic pause...

Fuck us.

Ellis?

Ellis?

Hey, Ellis?

Ellis, is...?

Is there somebody
you want me to call or...

some-some meds I can locate?

Oh, no.

Listen, buddy, I know
that you've been under

a lot of pressure, okay?

But if you could
just get it together,

and we could get
right out there...

My father is dead.

Oh, God.

Aw, shit.

I'm sorry.

When... when did you find out?

Nine years ago.

"Nine years ago."

I'm okay. I'm strong.

Strong motherfucker.

That's right.

You know what matrix
tortuosity is?

I-I do not, no.

No one does.

Well, then...
But my father?

He was the world's
foremost expert.

He was the toast of Caltech.

Ah.

Fucking egghead shitheel.

He always thought I was an
intellectual lightweight.

What?

More of a salesman, he said,
than a real thinker.

Yeah, yeah.

How about we get
out there and, you know,

and you put all that into the speech...
When he was dying...

I went to the hospital.

And I showed him the
blueprints that Maya and I

had devised for our first car.

He said I was smart...

Hey!

...to hitch my wagon
to a real scientist.

Told him to go fuck himself.

Mm-hmm.
And he didn't get me.

But he did get me.

He totally got me.

Oh, come on.

You said it yourself.

I'm nothing without Maya.
No!

I wanted...
Giant piece of shit!

Oh, no, listen...
I should be shot!

Ellis, I... listen.

I was just trying
to-to-to buck you up, man.

You know?

Fuck.

I'm nothing.

There, there.

You know, Ellis' behavior

isn't actually that strange.

Hitler was known
for having similar outbursts.

Yeah, in fact, the Germans
even had a term for it.

Yeah.
Teppichfresser.

Yeah, a lot of great men
have tantrums.

Just so you know--
that's your second

positive Hitler reference
of the day.

I'm using "great" in the sense

of historically important.
Sure. No need to get defensive.

I'm sure some of my relatives
who were put to death

by the Nazis were total douche bags.
Yeah.

Thank you.
There she is.

Where's Maya?
She'll be here in a sec.

Why are you in the...?

Uh, town hall's been

put on hold due
to technical difficulties.

The "technical difficulties"
being?

The founder of the company is
currently in the second floor

stairwell crying like a baby.

Hold these.

Well, this is fucking adorable.

Yeah, Ellis

is, um... a little down.

I'm a fraud! I'm a poser!

My dad was right.

Dante Valerio was right.

I'm a fucking...
Jesus Christ, grow a pair.

Jeannie...

Move.

Here, we're gonna let Mama

come in here, okay?
All right, all right.

Listen.

You are

a flawed...
deeply, deeply flawed

human being, but...

they're not right.

When you start
believing in them,

when they get to you,

when you're crying
in a goddamn stairwell...

I'm not crying. I'm...

...that's when the assholes

start popping champagne corks.

That's when it happens.

They don't get to win.

Okay?

So, wipe the snot
from your nose.

Get back out
into that auditorium.

Or I'm gonna beat
the living fuck out of you.

What?

Did you think I was joking?

She's... Ooh!
Fuck! What are you doing?!

Stop it! Stop it! Marty, Marty!
Don't think she's gonna stop it...

Don't think she's gonna stop,
buddy. Okay, let's rally.

There you go.
Get in there.

Sometimes the boldest
step into the future

is to remember
what made the past

so memorable.
Which is why

today I am thrilled to announce

that Gage is entering into

an exciting new partnership.

Does anyone else
smell patchouli?

Yeah. All right.

Ladies and gentlemen,
oh, my God, it's Maya Lindholm.

Now we just have
to get them to officially

come to terms.
Oh.

I can't see how that could be a problem.
Yeah.

Today's announcement
is a victory not only for Gage,

but for environmentally
conscious innovation.

And I cannot wait to see
what bold leaps forward

these two great
visionaries have in store.

We somehow managed to pull
that rabbit out of our ass.

Huh. Jeannie want
a pat on the head?

I know you couldn't
have done it without me.

I guess that'll
have to be enough.

I presume you came to gloat.

Okay.

So it's like old times?

We both know
that I am not the one

you want to anger-bang
right now.

Oh, oh, oh.

Is she loud like this?

Or is she more of a squeaker?

Oh. I know
I betrayed you, Marty,

but I... I'm still
your precious Jeannie Bean.

Oh, yeah, it just

feels so right.

Oh, it's like
your dick was custom-built

for my little...

perfect pussy.

Oh...

Oh, yeah, just
make me whole, Marty, please.

Just make me whole.

? I do the devil's work
seven days a week ?

Ah.

? I'll go to church, I'll make my peace ?

? On the other hand ?

? I'm a prideful man ?