House of Lies (2012–2016): Season 3, Episode 10 - Comeuppance - full transcript

Previously on House of Lies...

This,

"W-O-N" stands

for "wholesome,
organic nutrition."

This is a grand slam.

I just need your team

to get me to that IPO, and...

Until you can get
your shit together, we're done.

Go to the board,

tell them you're stepping aside

for personal reasons, and ask
that they vote Marissa



to be the new chairwoman.

And just turn everything over

to our little junkie sister who
treats rehab like winter vacation.

Oh, we're gonna need
to move this along,

'cause this is usually
when I shoot up.

Well, there's no fucking way
you guys make it to an IPO now.

Yeah.

There's no way you can go public
with either one of you

being the face of the company.

But we can make it work

because you don't have
any other choice.

Well, I know one
thing's for sure.

We're not gonna be
the blood brothers

on the corners
that we once were.



Damn sure ain't brothers
no more.

These assholes
and their Prop 8 bullshit.

When I think
about the courage you had,

coming out to us in college, and
this is where we are in society?

It's enough to move
out of the state.

Okay.

How are you and Kate?

Not so great, Jeannie.
We broke up two years ago.

Whoa. Are you seeing anyone new?

Look, Jeannie, I know you don't
do social calls, that's fine.

Pretending like that's what
this is... a little insulting.

So, what can I do for you?

The Department of
Justice is taking bids

on a new consulting contract

that Kaan & Associates
would be perfect for.

And I just thought,
with your appointment

to Special Assistant
Attorney General...

congrats on that, by the way...

Thank you.

--if there was anything that
you could do to help us land it,

I would just be, um...
really, really grateful.

Wow. Really?

I'm sorry. It's a force of habit.
Mm-hmm.

This is a big contract.

I always thought
of you guys as more boutique.

Well, we're growing fast.
We just signed McClintock Media.

Um, we have
U.S. National Bank,

DollaHyde Apparel,
Colossal Foods...

DollaHyde?

As in Dre Collins
and Lukas Frye DollaHyde?

You know them?

Yeah, and not 'cause
I'm such a big swag whore.

When I was
at the D.A.'s Office,

Lukas Frye was a major fixture
in the drug world.

He still is.

I don't know anything
about that.

That will be the last time

I insult your intelligence, I promise.

Look, Jeannie,
I could make a few calls

and get you this contract.

I mean, hell, I want to.

Having someone with your ambition
owing me a favor this big?

But? But you are in business
with a drug dealer.

This is a contract
with the Department of Justice.

It's a non-starter.

What if we dropped DollaHyde?

Well, then, we'd be in business.

But you better drop 'em soon.

Like, today.
The longer you wait,

the harder it is
to sell your shock and outrage

at the discovery
of their situation.

All right.

I will be in touch.

What? Wait a second.
Where you going?

Don't you want to see
some pictures of my niece?

I deserve that.

Hey.
Hey. We got

to go over these DollaHyde
projections before

the Bloomingdale's meeting.

Okay, I have news, and
you're gonna want to sit down.

Oh, no. Wait a minute.

Jeannie, how many times do
I have to say it? Birth control.

No. No.
No?

This is good news.
Oh.

I think that I just landed us
a multiyear contract

with the Department of Justice.

That is huge.
Yes.

And the small caveat is
that we need to dump DollaHyde,

like, today.

Oh, so that's a big caveat.

Well...

my connection made it very clear

that they're not interested in...
A friend? It's a friend?

Yes. A friend, and
she's very high up over there.

Well, she must be
atmos-fuckin'-pheric

if she can just hand out
government contracts like that.

You know, there's usually
a whole process that...

That's the point, Marty.
That's why we need

to dump DollaHyde...
for the vetting process.

Marty, do you have any idea?

This would put us
in a league with

Kinsley, with DeMark,
with Galweather.

Or with the Galweather
before I destroyed them.

Well, look, I appreciate the effort.
Fuck the effort.

Appreciate the accomplishment.

Jeannie, I don't think
this is the time

to jettison
a top-tier client just because

a friend of yours Marty...

promised you some big contract.

I...
Listen,

DollaHyde is about
to pay dividends.

Do you understand that?

Do you really think,

after everything
that happened in Compton,

this little detente

between Lukas and Dre
is really gonna stick?

Now is the time
to cut our losses.

After everything
that's happened,

we are this close
to the finish line.

Doesn't...
Listen, let's just take the meeting

with Bloomingdale's, and then
we'll see where we're at.

Okay.
Okay.

Yeah, okay.

What are you doing?

Rubbing your shoulders.

It helps soothe my mother
when she's upset.

I'm fine, thank you.

You don't look fine.

Hey, hey, hey, hey,
she said she's fine, all right?

Don't you have a creepy motel
to go run?

Yeah. 'Cause fuck me
for caring, right?

Good Lord, get out of here.

I'm sorry.
I'm sorry. Don't you say...

No.
It's so unprofessional.

It's fine.
It's just...

My boyfriend and I broke up
last night.

S... S... Sucks.
That sucks.

God...
I know.

Yeah.
It's just, like, one bump in the road,

and he was just out.

It's typical. So t...

God, that just ticks me off.

Hey, you know what?
You know what?

I'm kind of going through
the same thing with my wife.

God, what am I saying?

My, um, former wife.

You can still work things out.

No, thank you. Thank...

No, no, no.

I think that ship has sailed.

Yeah. Looks like you and I
are in the same boat.

Snug, tight little boat.

I'm so sorry.

Oh, don't say that.

I should be saying sorry to you.

You're the one going
through a fresh breakup.

Hey, you know what we should do?

We should go out tonight.

Yeah.

Take our minds off things.

I don't know
if I would be any fun.

Okay, so, what are we gonna do?

Sit at home alone, in the dark,
staring at the walls?

I mean, no.

We're gonna let those people,
those people who have vastly

disappointed us, those...

dare I say,
emotional terrorists... win?

You know what?

You're right.

Uh-huh.
Let's go out tonight.

Yeah, I think...
Yeah.

I think it's probably good.

I think it's good.
Yeah.

Thank you.

I think so. Yeah.

Be cool, Doug. Be cool.

Don't shit the bed on this one.

Oh. Listen, I love it
when you come to town,

but you are a master
of distraction.

Well, then this shouldn't come
as a surprise.

Do you remember when
you were in sober living

because your siblings
concocted this insane lie

that you had a drug problem?

No, but this is just a little
treat while I'm on vacation.

Oh. Okay, you know, you've been
in charge for two weeks, right?

Right, and now

I'm on vacation, so,
are you gonna join me or what?

No, no. I'm really late
for work. I got to get going.

Fuck work.
Are you serious?

After everything
you've done for them?

Fuck being late.
They should be

sucking your dick right now.

By the way, I'm with you, dude.

I've been making the old

"you guys should be sucking my dick"
argument for fucking years now.

Here it is...
of course, next to the butter.

Seriously, you brought them me,
the biggest piece of business.

Not to mention,
the sweetest piece of ass.

Stop deflecting.
But at the same time...

Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.
They should be treating you like

a king.
Yeah, well, we've already got a king.

Fine, then at least a prince.

But the handsome one
with the baby...

not the creepy ginger...
nobody wants

a creepy ginger.
Okay. Yeah.

Okay, hey?
Yup.

Come do some lines with me, or
McClintock Media's not gonna be

needing the services
of Kaan & Associates.

Really? Just like that, huh?

You're kidding, right?

That's a joke?
You're making funnies?

Of course I'm kidding.

I mean, I think I'm kidding.

No.

I am, I'm kidding.

I'm totally kidding.
I'm kidding. I'm kidding.

Am I kidding?

You know what?

Fuck it.

Move over.

I'm about to treat your
pussy like a bad dog.

Like a bad dog.
Get in here.

Get in here!

...Saks Fifth
Avenue, maybe H&M,

we should be chillin',
you know what I mean?

Mm-hmm, well, checking out
this here bottom line,

I'm actually interested

in hearing what
Barneys has to say.

I'm with that.

Fellas, fellas.

Hey, what's happening?
Hey.

Marty.

So, uh, Jeannie is in with the
Bloomindgale's rep right now

Oh.
going over some numbers.

Mm. Is she?

Let's do this.

So, Dre, lis... listen,
I got to tell you, um...

We got to make a fucking deal, man.

I mean, Bloomingdale's today,

got Barneys tomorrow,
H&M next week.

Personally, I-I don't give a
fuck which one it is, but...

this has to happen,
okay? Or... or I'm done.

We're done.

Look, whatever you have to do to
make the deal happen, all right?

And, once again,
I really appreciate

you sticking with
me through this.

Yeah, you should.

Let's do it.

Now, look...

about that whole...
Zhang incident,

No... Let's just... Let's...
I just wanted to let you know I wasn't

let's squash it. Let's squash it, okay?
On some bullshit.

Fuck that, let's do this.

Fuck it, let's do it.

Vincent, you have created

an incredible product.

And with it, we can
build you an empire.

But not if you
tie my hands like this.

No, no, forget it, forget it.
If-if we just...

No. If we make a real push
in the youth market

where this product has
shown significant growth,

then I really...
No. No, no, no, no, no, no.

The fact is college
kids are using this

as a diet supplement
and an energy stimulant.

And we would be crazy

not to capitalize on that...
WON is not a diet supplement.

It's not an energy
stimulant, okay?

I-It's a meal replacement,
okay?

Can you wrap your-your
little "material girl"

brain around what that means?

This product
could end world hunger!

And you want to sell it
as an energy drink?

Fuck... that.

Uh-huh.
Fuck it.

I agree, I agree...

Dinner... that's
the play, right?

I'd think so... I mean,
you can sit, talk, connect.

Or is that
a little cliché? Maybe.

Ooh, there is that, uh, Fellini
retrospective on at the Egyptian.

You know what?
I bet she'd love that.

That feels better.
Yeah.

Don't you think?
Clyde? Hello?

Clyde, are you listening?
What? Yes, I'm listening.
I am absolutely listening.

Caitlin's in a vulnerable place,
so you're gonna try to use that

to fuck her brains out,
I got you, so shut the fuck up.

How dare you! Don't cheapen it.
No, uh, uh-uh. How dare you!

Okay? You don't just
fuck a girl like Caitlin. Oh, my God,

I'm so sorry, Polite Doug.

Um, make love her brains out.

No. That's not what's going on here.
No?

Then what is it?
Uh, Caitlin and I happen to have

a very special connection.

You're a fucking child. I'm not.
You're a fucking child.

You are.
Okay? Is it a coincidence

that Sarah and I have separated

at the exact same time that Caitlin's
broken up with her boyfriend?

I think not.
I think not. I think so.

I think so.
I think not.

♪ I think so... ♪
♪ I think not... ♪

♪ Oh... ♪
♪ Not... ♪

That was pretty cool, actually.
Nice. Okay.

Who is that guy, by the way,
going toe-to-toe

with the dragon lady?
Oh, shit, that's Vincent.

The-the-the creator of WON.
What is that?

Is that that brown, disgusting
stuff you drink like come?

Uh, okay, that disgusting, brown drink
that I guzzle down like come

has saved me from having to
purchase a meal in over a week,

so I'll take the come.
I can't believe

Marty took her on
as a client, man.

That's bullshit.
That's a slap in the face,

is what that is, man.
After all the fuckin' work

I've done for this company,
now he has the balls

to just bring that fuckin' bitch back.
Shh, shh.

Would you calm down?

Get the fuck out of my face.
Okay, okay.

Oh, God, he looks pissed.
That's not good.

He must have found out
about the focus groups today.

What is that?
What focus groups?

Well, Monica's exploring market
segmentation strategies,

so she asked me to set up
these focus group testing,

but Vincent would be pissed
if he found out about it.

Oh, God, she's coming this way,
she's coming this way.

Monica, I swear I didn't say
a word about the focus groups.

He doesn't know anything.

Now, if you're done
shitting yourself,

you follow me.

What is that? Why?

Oh, I don't know.

You're just, you're funny.

Like a...
not in a funny ha-ha way,

but more of, like,

a sad-clown funny.
Oh...

Come on.

Let's get to work.

Hey, Vincent? Vincent?

Vincent?
What's going on, man?

I'm Clyde Oberholt.
I'm a huge fan.

Why don't you let me
buy you lunch, huh? What?

I don't eat lunch.
Okay, right, of course.

You're a genius...
why would you eat lunch?

Why don't you watch me eat?

This, like, a sex thing, or...?

No. No, but it'll still
be worth your while.

I promise.

What you've created here
is very impressive.

I appreciate that.

Well, you know, you won't
find a tighter-run ship

in the apparel industry.

And that ain't braggin'.
That's all due

to the business acumen
of my man Dre here.

However, it isn't business

that Bloomingdale's is
interested in, is it?

It's the very swagger
and essence...

that is DollaHyde.

And that, I must say,

would be me.

If we were to strike
a deal, Mr. Vincent,

I would need a say

over our marketing
and our presence in your store.

You want final approval
on our floor displays.

Well, I can't have you
fuckin' up my essence,

now, can I, Mr. Vincent?

And that would be
a deal breaker.

Mr. Vincent,
DollaHyde has

been in double-digit growth
in its profit margin

since its inception.

What Lukas is offering you
isn't a deal breaker,

it's a deal maker.

Okay. We could
make that work.

All right, so first thing you
got to do is change the taste,

'cause it tastes like
fuckin'... ass.

I kind of like the taste.

Does anyone else hate the taste?
Oh, my God! Monica,

we are shocked!

Shocked that there's focus group
testing going on in here!

Vincent!

We are just collecting data.

It's very standard.

Okay, also, my friend says that

it makes his girlfriend
super horny.

Is-is he full of shit?

Uh, Vincent...
Uh, it's...

it's a... it's...
Vincent...

All right, next question...

I am going to literally
kill you for this.

You might want to put a leash on
your former meal ticket first.

- Fuck you!
- Fuck...

you, you fuckin' asshole!

No, do not look at me like that.
Fuck her.

This has been
a long time coming.

All that shit she put me through?
Okay, yeah, but you know

she's gonna tell Marty.
Yes, fine, and he'll have a good laugh.

I don't think so, man.
Fine! If he doesn't, then fuck him!

Fuck him?
Yes!

What's the matter with you?
N... Oh.

You're acting crazy.
Just take a breath. Why?

Why should I take
a fucking breath?

Because it took you a long time
to get out of Marty's doghouse.

Okay? It wasn't easy,
but you did it, huh?

Who let the dogs out, huh?
You! You!

You! You! You!
No, no, no, no.

That business that
Monica's bringing him,

that's fucking
penny-ante bullshit

compared to the work
that I brought to Marty,

so I feel like
I earned this moment.

Okay! If you take that away
from me, fuck you, man!

Focus group over!
Everybody...

get out!
Thank you very much.

Sorry, who's this?

Who am I? I'm the guy
about to end world hunger.

You're the assholes
with nothing better to do

in the middle of the afternoon
on a fucking Wednesday.

And I'm so sorry, bro,

guess you'll have
to stick with Rohypnol

and Zima to get laid, man.

What the fuck is Zima?

What's Zima?

Man, you haven't lived.

Okay, Vincent,

I think you made your point.

No, no, here's my point.

Fuck him!

Fuck them!

Yes.

And most of all, fuck... you!

Hm.

Oh...

And that's...

the ball game.

Holy shit.

I'm so happy you could see it.

Damn it!

Damn it!

Thank you.

Thank you.
Thank you very much.

My, my my.

That could not have gone better,

could it?
All right.

Now who's looking out
for that DollaHyde name?

You looking out for
that DollaHyde name.

Goddamn right.
So we have

Barneys tomorrow, right?
Yep.

Well, hey, man, why don't we go
and have us a little dinner.

My treat. We could do a little
strategizing and whatnot, man,

and I'll put down
for somewhere fancy...

don't even worry about it, Dre.
Somewhere chi-chi enough

that they serve that dish

that they banned everywhere
that Dre likes so much.

What the fuck is it called, the one
with the exploding ducks and shit?

Foie gras.

Yeah, man!
"Four-a-gwah," man.

We gonna have some

"four-a-gwah" for
my man Dre here, man.

Hey, uh, Marty, Jeannie,
expect a call from my secretary,

'cause they will be hitting you
up with the details, all right?

- See you guys later?
- Great.

Hey, which one of y'all
motherfuckers is my secretary?

To my office, expeditiously.

Goddamn Lukas... I'm telling you
that motherfucker is a trip.

And you're okay with
what just happened?

Being marginalized?

You think because I was laughing
that I'm okay with it?

Way to keep the deal
in play, Marty boy.

Good shit, as always.

Thank you.

See you at dinner?

Yeah.
Dinner it is.

Unbelievable.

Yeah, "being marginalized"?
You have to say that?

We're still not dumping them?
After that?

Listen, we are way past the
point of no return with them.

The only way to get through
this fucking quagmire is to
No, we're not...

push through.
Are you really trying to sell me
that this is what's best

for our company, Marty?
Does everything has to be a
fucking argument with you?

Okay.

What? What does "okay" mean?

Okay, I'm done arguing with you.

Okay.

He was fucking yelling at her,
really yelling at her,

then out of nowhere, bam!

Bitch slap.
A real bitch slap. Yeah?

Partnership over.
It was fucking magnificent.
Yeah, that sounds great.

Are you fucking serious? Stop.
That's all you have to say
to me? "It sounds great"?

Yeah.
Are you nuts, dude? Haven't
you worked for her before?

I never had a problem
with Monica.

Of course you didn't have
a problem with Monica.
I didn't.

Asshole!

No. No, no, no,
no, no, no, no.

No. Vincent. I had no idea
you were gonna be here, buddy.

What's going on?
I have nothing to say to you, Clyde.

No, we can chat
for a little bit, though.

Vincent!
So...

it's a funny story, actually.
I don't...

After our little,
uh, mm, unpleasantness,

Vincent saw the light.

I'm usually so much better

at spotting the ones that
need a good slap though.

I don't know what happened.

But anyways, he finally
opened up to the idea

of soaking these college kids
for untold millions,

which is a necessary evil

to finance the changing
of the world.

I'm gonna make so much

fucking money off of this,

and I just wanted to...

thank you.

Great. All right. Cool.

All right.
Hmm.

Oh, another piece of advice.

What?

Don't come to work high.

Some people can pull it off.

I can pull it off.

You just look silly.

The fuck ever happened
to karma, man?

'Cause this is insane, dude.

What the fuck ever
happened to karma

because this is bullshit.
Do you see that?!

You can do whatever the fuck
you want! It doesn't matter!

Do whatever you want, guys!

I love that this is becoming,
like, our little spot.

We're not dropping DollaHyde.

Okay.

Then what are we doing here?

What if I could deliver some
incriminating financial records

on Lukas Frye and Dre Collins?

Could we trade that for
the DOJ contract?

Absolutely.

Then that's what we'll do.

What?

What's your play here, Jeannie?

I mean, don't get me wrong,

I'll gladly take
what you're offering, but...

it just seems like a messier way
to get what you want.

Yes, it is.

What are we gonna do tonight?
Okay.

Well, I was thinking we get some dinner.
Mm-hmm.

Uh, but there's a Fellini retrospective
on at the Egyptian later,

if you're interested.
Oh, my God. Doug. Shut up.

You shut up.
I love Fellini.

I thought you might.

Good night, guys.

"Good night, guys."

What the fuck is that?

Um, I'm not sure.
I don't know.

So, hey, uh, I'm just gonna grab
my stuff and let's make a move.

Yeah.
Okay.

So, what do you think of Will?

Will?
Yeah.

Uh, Will's... the worst.

So... I mean, why are
we talking about Will?

Okay... because he's
kind of the reason

that my boyfriend
broke up with me.

We were drunk on the road
one night and we hooked up.

And it was a huge mistake.

Huh.

Okay. Naughty.

But, uh, you know, a-as long
as you learned from it, right?

Yeah. No, I definitely
know better than to hook up
Yeah.

with someone at work.
Ooh, no... hold on... I'll stop you there.

I don't think that's
the lesson, actually.
No, I mean, he's cute, but...

Is he though?
I don't really see it.

But he cost me a relationship
with a really great guy.

Mmm.

God, I guess that Chicago trip
was really a disaster

for both of us.

Hold on. You... you and...

- you and Will hooked up in, uh...
- in Chicago?

Yeah.

You know what, I shouldn't
have brought this up.

Can we just forget about it?
Yeah. Right.

I'm sorry. But when-when
did you have the time?

Just because we were together
for so much of it.

We went to the art exhibit,
and I'm just trying to think Doug...

of when you squeezed him in, so to speak.
Can we not?

But... Yeah. Mm-hmm.

Sure. Not another word.

So...

Chicago...

Right under my fucking nose.
You know,

Doug, um...

I'm not really sure
what you want from me here,

but I could really
just use a friend right now.

Okay, well...

maybe you should've thought
of that before you...

went and fucked Will
in Chicago, okay?

Oh, my God.

I can't believe this.

You were gonna use
my painful breakup,

your separation from your wife

to manipulate me?
So that

you could do what,
try to fuck me?

I... No. Okay, no. All right?

I was gonna wait a respectful

amount of time before...
Wow. You know what, Doug, fuck you, okay?

You're the emotional terrorist.

I'm the emotional terrorist?

That's what I said!

Well, you... you're...

You're... Um...

Come on.

Your pussy's
ground zero... shit.

Shit!

Hey.

Hey... Hey, I have moved
from this spot

since you last saw me.
I was on a conference call

for, like, at least an hour.
What are you doing tomorrow?

What? Nothing.

I'm in.

Do you have any more coke?

How dare you.

Of course I have more coke.

Get it out. Let's go.

I'm telling you, the dinner
must have weighed like, what,

200 pounds...
we still outran the fat fuck.
Yeah, yeah.

Y'all are all right, man.

Oh, will you look at who
decides to join us finally.

Oh, very sorry I'm late.

Well, Lukas took the liberty
of ordering for you.

Yes, I did...
I got you

the duck breast...
I remember how much you liked it

last time, and this
place even has

maple and shit in theirs.
Wow.

It's even got maple and shit
in theirs, you hear that,

Jeannie? I heard. Thank you.
That's very thoughtful.

Well, you're very welcome,
and you are well worth the wait.

Mmm.

Eat up.

Oh, God.

Once.
Oh.

Okay? Once we hooked up.
Once.

Maybe a few times.
Oh!

What is the big deal?
What?

No, it's just interesting,
all the shit you were giving me

about Dre being my good friend.

I never fucked the dude.

I never let it affect
my decision-making, Marty.

I doubt that, I doubt that.

Oh, Marty...

you ain't that bad after all...

I don't care what
nobody else say about you.

I'll catch y'all at the...

I'll catch y'all at the Barneys meeting.
Yeah.

A'ight, now.

Mm-hmm.

You picking up what I'm putting down.
Oh, boy.

God, he's so cute.