House of Lies (2012–2016): Season 1, Episode 11 - Business - full transcript

Marty and "The Rainmaker" work together to put the kibosh on their firm's impending acquisition by MetroCapital. But a back-stabbing twist of events leaves Marty with "The Rainmaker" as his mortal enemy instead of valued ally. Marty has to deal with attitude from his son, Roscoe, in the aftermath of the news about April.

Are you wondering how healthy the food you are eating is? Check it -
My name is Marty Kaan and
I'm a management consultant.

Every week, me and my team
go somewhere

and talk people into thinking
they really, really need us.

The merger's happening.

And any chance that you had
of saving your ass

went down the drain with Pfizer!

The Rainmaker.

We have to stop this train, Marco.

He didn't tell me shit,

because he knows I've got your back.

MARTY: If Skip wants me
out of the business,

let's push his ass out,

or at least take this merger
away from MetroCap.

Or both.

I don't know a lot of women.
I do know you.

MARTY: You remember
Jeannie Van Der Hooven, right?

Of course I do.

MARTY: She has been killing it
for us this year.

No! No!

Still not sure what it is I do?

Trust me, you'll only know

what I want you to know.

Stella McCartney
scoop-neck sweater

and a nice pair
of wide-leg slacks.

You know what would make it all
really fierce?


I'm just gonna come right out
and say it--

the movie version of Rent,
way better than the play.

Way better.

Nicki Minaj

strangles puppies.

Now that's going too far.

Too far.

All right, you're not
going to talk to me,

I'm not gonna talk to you.

Two can play at that--
you have to talk to me!

I'm your father!

Look, I'm not happy about how
this whole April thing went down,

but she's gone, all right?

You gotta talk to me, Roscoe.

You hear me?


JEREMIAH: I think you're just
gonna have to back up

and give Roscoe his space.

Respect his silence.

Respect his right to individuate.

Oh, I think he's individuated.

Hey, Grandpa, can you move
your doctor's appointment?

I don't want him
picking me up from school today.


Oh, "him" is gonna pick you up
from school today.

You can count on that.
Okay, okay.

Roscoe, I think you need
to speak to your father.

Let him know what
you're feeling, okay?

That's the same thing Aaron said.

If I talk to Dad, he's gonna
think everything's okay,

and nothing will ever change.

Who's Aaron?

Fuck is Aaron?

It's Monica's new friend.

Oh, so Monica's new boy toy

is giving my son parental advice now?

That how that works?

(phone chiming)

You get that out of your
thought right now, son.

Hey, what's up?

Till when?

Yeah. Shit.

Fix it.

"Total Eclipse of the Heart"...

Ugh, Doug--
"Dust in the Wind"? No.

Two tracks from Jackson Browne.

You need to put two tracks on here.

Yeah, I don't expect a layman
to get it, all right?

Making a great mix CD requires
a level of guile and-and wit

that you could not possibly
understand, okay?

No, you could-- please
don't touch that.

You have to make an order.

You gotta find the right
balance of fast and slow.

Bolting upright at 3:00 a.m.,
haunted by that one track

you know did not fit
the unifying motif.

Doug, you're fucking insane.

I disagree.

Now, let me tell you something.

I happen to think that
earnest songs scare you.

That's right. I think that
you're afraid to feel something.

I think that I'm afraid of
listening to total crap.

Clyde, you are an emotional infant.

Doug, you have
horse-shit taste in music.

Did you not hear?

The merger vote has been moved up.

The partners are assembling
tonight at 7:00.


You know, people love my mix CDs.

Doug, did you hear
what Jeannie just said?

I did, yes.

We are hours away from getting

our professional assholes jackhammered

by Metro Capital's Milton
Berle-size cock.

Well, this is perfect timing, then.

People say my mixes are
a great source of comfort

in difficult times.

You know, when I was
making my 9/11 mix--

You made a 9/11 mix? So...

Yeah, it's when I first
discovered my, uh, my gift.

CLYDE: The terrorists
have truly won.

You like, uh, Buddhism, right?

I haven't given it much thought.

Actually, I've studied
Buddhism for years.


Well, I, uh, recently discovered
the teachings of Buddha.

Huge fan. Love that
little fat man.

So there's this Buddhist
retreat up in Santa Cruz.

Yoga, meditation, snacks--
hoping for raita--

yogurt and cucumbers, yum!

Is it an open invitation?
Oh, it's couples only.

Well, you guys could--if you want--
We're not a couple.

You know, I think I'm gonna pass.

If this is about the merger,
you should know

I feel bad about

the small role I played in that.

The small role you played, Greg,
was making the merger happen.

Right there.
Right there. This.

This is what makes us great.

The back and forth,
the he said, she said.

Boom-boom, boom-boom!
It's so, it's screwball.


I'm gonna get a cup of coffee
from downstairs.

More banter.

I love this! It's great!

Never say die, Marty, but as of
now, we do not have the votes.

What about Millar and Calhoun?

Eyebrows and ink stain.

You want to take a run at those
ancient fucks, be my guest.

If you can pry 'em away
from the Bingo table.

They survived this long 'cause they
know which way the wind blows.

The guy with the power is
pro-merger, they're pro-merger.

And right now, Skip is the guy
with the power.

And what the fuck is up
with your white knight?

You know, when they moved up the vote,

it threw Cazuelas as well.

(phone chiming)
He's getting his ducks in a row.

Hey, Roscoe.


I know you're there;
I can hear you breathing.

Yeah, okay, I'm hanging up now.

Man, he picked the perfect time
to become a teenager.

You ain't seen nothin' yet.

You know, around Roscoe's age,

my sweet daughter metamorphosed
into a she-beast.

But the good news

is it doesn't last--
four years, five, tops.

Now she's Daddy's little girl again.

Five years? That's all?
That's fantastic.

They come around.

It's incredible.

Whatever happens here, today,

just hang on to that.

You left this the other night.

These aren't mine.

I'm sure you have a lot of jewelry;

maybe you just forgot.

Can we just not, please?

I wasn't operating
under the assumption

that you weren't...

Oh, that's good.


Not like you can stake out the
moral high ground, anyway.


Hi, Greg.


Uh... maker.

Uh, Marco.


(meditative hum)

(buzzes, bell rings)

(elevator whirrs, powers down)


I've hit rock bottom.

I'm really sorry to hear that,
Greg, but...

Funny thing is, you know,

you spend your life
circling the bottom,

fooling yourself that you're not
actually circling the bottom,

clinging to those parts
of your existence

you think you need to survive,

but are, in fact, the very
reason you're circling...

the bottom.

(laughs) Human nature, right?

Who the fuck designed us, right?

I don't know, Greg.

I'd kill that merger for you.

Kill it dead.


I'd choke the life out of
that thing for you.

H-How exactly would
you do that?

You know Fresh and Tinies,
those little breath strips

that, uh, they make your breath
fresh, and they're really...

Tiny? Yeah.

I go through like three packs a day.

Fresh breath is, uh...

an obsession.

(blows air)


Oh... right.

Major cash cow for ConHealth.

Half a billion in sales
in the first year alone.

And the patent is priceless.

Where is this going, Greg?

Skip helped bring them to market.

In fact, that fancy beach house
in sunny Laguna

was bought and paid for

in no small part by
the ten-mill ConHealth

deposited in Skip's
passbook savings account.

Are you saying ConHealth paid
Skip ten million in fees?


That would be... that would be
excessive, wouldn't it?

Especially because Skip
wasn't consulting ConHealth.

Not officially, anyway.

(slaps button, elevator whirrs)

He was, however,
consulting Rogers & Rogers...

their arch-rival.

Skip sold the technology.




we have something that's going
to make you very happy.

Well, two things, actually.

Doug, nobody gives a fuck
about your mix CD.



Holy shit.

Are you fucking...

Where did you get this?

I was tipped off by Norbert.

What, he gave you this out
of the goodness of his heart?

Turns out Norbert wants to fuck Jeannie.

Preferably in Santa Cruz
in a big pool of cucumber dip.

Whatever. Something's going on

with Norbert, okay?
He's changed. I don't know.

He's not the same guy
that we met in New York.

All that information,

has been independently verified.

That's real, Daddy.

Go away, go away.
So you're good? You're good, right?

Yeah, and thanks.
You're welcome.


A little early
for the vote, aren't you?

Or were you trying
to move it up again?

Fuck me up in some way?

Suck my dick.

Skippy, language.

No, suck my dick.

I'm not trying to be crude or anything.
It's a serious offer.

If you fellate me,
I will change my vote.

How's that?
Don't get me wrong--

I'm not gay or anything, never had

a gay thought really.
Certainly not, uh...

(laughing) attracted to you.

It's just the thought

of Marty Kaan getting
down on his knees

and you know, doing what he's
got to do to save his skin.

I don't know--
it's very arousing.

You know what, maybe
I should suck your dick.

I've already got your balls
in my hand.

You're going to want to look at that.

I've highlighted the real tasty bits.

Now I know you wanted a seat
at the big boy table

and all of the goodies
that go along with it.

And it's going to be hard,
oh, so very hard for you,

but you're going to vote
to kill the merger.

No. Not going to happen.

You know, if this were
to be disseminated,

you'd be through here.

I mean, Jesus Christ,
you'd be through everywhere.

And where would you be?

In this little world
that we operate in,

there isn't a very generous spirit

to whistle-blowers.

Go ahead, make it public.

Mutually-assured destruction.

You're a student of the Cold War.

Oh, God, I love the Cold War!
It's fascinating, isn't it?

I am a big fan.
Yeah. Well, then I'm sure you're also aware

that the deterrent aspect of
mutually-assured destruction

is predicated on the assumption
that both parties are rational.

Now, you, while not being

a good person by any stretch,

are at least a rational individual.

I, on the other hand--

I'm a goddamn terrorist.

And I will crash my 767--


right into your prodigious
fucking forehead.

(boxing bell ringing) (crowd roaring)

- So Skip thought he had
me on the ropes, right? - Uh-huh. Yeah.

And then I turned.

And I carried him for about six seconds.

And then bang!

Down goes...


Oh, man, you are the king,
man. You're a god.


Holy shit, shit!

I am so sorry.

Well, you should have seen
him outside that school today.

He was scared and alone.
I know.

Thank God he called me.
Monica, take it easy. Okay.

Listen, I-- I got
caught up at work, okay?

It's-It's never going to happen
again, I promise.


MAN: Roscoe's a sweet kid.
He'll come around.

Marty, there's somebody
that I want you to meet.

Aaron Matthews.


I was having the most
horrible migraines,

so I went in to get an MRI,
and Aaron was my radiologist.

Oh! It was kismet.

Wow, he's seen the inside of your head

and he still wants to date you.

Ah, that's cute.
Yeah. (laughing weakly)

So in regards to, uh, Roscoe...

My sense--

he just wants to feel like you put him

first occasionally.

You're a clinical psychologist?

Radiologist. Radiologist.
Oh, radiologist.

Oh, it's Aaron, right?

Yeah, shut the fuck up!

Can I talk to you over here for a second?

Give me one second.

Wow, he's great, isn't he?

Oh, he is a dreamboat.

But listen, it's not me
you need to convince

that you and Johnny X-Ray would make
a wonderful home for Roscoe.

No, it's the family court judge.

It's not about custody.


I think he might actually be the...
Don't. Don't say "the one."

- I hope that you can find someone
emotionally healthy... - Wait a minute.

You should find somebody that
can nurture you and care for you

like Aaron cares for me.
What's happening here?

Are you giving me relationship advice?
'Cause that's fucking bananas.

I think you need it.

Hey, Pop.

Hey, that's Aaron.

How you doing?

Aw, hell.

Hey, Tara.
What up, Tara?

Hey, guys.

Hey, Jeannie.

I like your earrings.

Oh, thanks.


Fuck, she's hot.

She's so hot.

I just want to encase her in wax
and put her in a glass box,

you know what I mean...?
Oh, shit.

Doug is now giving me $20
every time he says something

that makes him sound
like a serial killer.

Thank you, Douglas.

Tara's fine, I guess.

Fine? Jeannie, that's what
you think fine looks like?

Maybe she means foiiin!
Jeannie, do you mean foiiin?

She's got the kind of looks you can
tell aren't going to age well.

Oh, my God, Jeannie, you're right.

I didn't notice it before,
but she's fucking heinous.

You know, Tara is
fucking the Rainmaker.

Shut up.


No. He's, like, a thousand.

He's not a thousand.

That Tara? She could
get anyone she wants.

Why would she...?
With the Rainmaker?

McFly, she's fucking her way
to the top.

And honestly, if I thought it
would grease the wheels,

I would run a train on Eyebrows

and Ink Stain. No, I get it.
Me, too.

You know, to grease my wheels,
I'd watch those old coots

sex up their wives, you know.
Hell, I'd film it.

(imitating electronic tones)

Now what happened? Yeah!

I want to bank some.

I'm sure her reasons
are more complicated than that.

Complicated how?
JEANNIE: I don't know, Clyde.

I'm not a fucking Tara expert!
CLYDE: What the fuck just happened?

Hey, guys, guys.

Is he...?

Oh, my God.

What the hell are you doing?

What? Just leaving you
a little present.

You know, to remember me by.

It's not an Almond Joy.

So don't eat it.

Or do. You know, your call.

Just couldn't resist

leaking our little secret
to the senior partners, huh?

What are you... I didn't leak
any secret to the senior...

I'm out, Marty!
I am out!

You happy?

The firm has put my shares in escrow

pending a criminal investigation.

Jesus, Skip, I didn't
leak anything, okay?

Why would I do that?

I don't know--
because your buddy

the Rainmaker
now sits atop the throne.

Because you're a fucking
sociopath! I don't know

why you do anything you do!

In about five minutes, a
security guard will emerge

from that elevator and escort
me... (laughing)

out of my own building.

I'll pass those big letters out
front-- Galweather Stearn.

I don't own my own name.

You ripped away my name from me!

You just started World War III, pal.

You better nuke up.

Oh, by the way, I left another couple of
little presents around here somewhere.

Good luck finding them.

Oh, yeah.
What was that about?

That's... Yeah.
Oh, my God.

(whistles) That is about somebody

leaked the info.

Turns out soul suckers

like Greg Norbert don't have
any hidden depths, Jeannie.

I thought he...

I'm sorry.

DOUG: Yeah, you know, it doesn't
seem that bad to me.

Hey, Doug, Skip just dropped a couple
of Jackson Brownes inside Marty's briefcase.

So I kind of think...
How dare you!

- Jackson Browne is not only
a terrific songwriter... - Shut the fuck up.

...he is a committed environmentalist, who...
Doug, shut the fuck up!

It's okay.
Okay, it's fine, I'm fine. (clears throat)

I'm digressing.

Look, what I'm trying to say is
that I-I don't understand

why everyone's acting like
it's the end of the world.

Honestly, Eyebrows and Ink Stain
will line up

behind the Rainmaker, because he's
the most powerful man in the room.

Which means the votes are there
to kill the merger.

Now correct me if I'm wrong,
but that was the goal.

Wasn't it?

Come on, so you got
a little blindsided.

So there's some caca
in your Hermes bag.

Big whoop.

You know, if someone
had told us three months ago

that we'd be standing here,
a little dinged up,

a few sleepless nights
under our belts, but alive,

hey, you got to turn that frown

upside down.

We should be celebrating,

I think.

I mean, right?

Yeah, you're right.
You're right.

So what?

Harrison Galweather the Third

took a big shit in my briefcase.

That case was getting
pretty banged up anyway.

Yes, it was.
Yeah. If you're getting a new one,

um, I'll have that one.


Why are you... why are you
laughing? I'm serious.

Oh, you can have it.

Eyebrows and Ink Stain are here.

A yes vote indicates
a preference for the merger.

Sorry we're late.

I-I couldn't find my car.

Welcome, gentlemen.

Have a seat.

And a no vote indicates...

You get it.

Oh, for the love of Mike.

RAINMAKER: Stuart, you
want to start us off?

I vote yes.

I vote no.


Uh, yes.






I vote yes.

Hey, buddy.

What do you want me to say, Marty?
How about,

"Whoo! Did it.

"Finally got my seat
at the big boy table.

Didn't even get my hands dirty."

You know what else you could say?

"Hey, you ever hear the one
about the sap

who fucking trusted
everything I said?"

Look, will you sit down?

Come on. Let's talk.

I'd love to do that, but I got to go

down the hall
and congratulate Norbert.

Norbert didn't know anything.

What do you mean,
he didn't know anything?

He didn't.

He knew what I put there
for him to see.

When he told Jeannie what he told her,

he really thought
he was killing the merger.

You know he had a genuine epiphany?

I mean, like, he was reborn.

I can't believe this shit, man.

This is the kind of shit
we do to other people.

You hate my guts.
I get it.

Go fuck yourself, man.

Look, this is not personal.

It... it's...

I know. Forget it.

No. No.

No! What's going on?

MARTY: Okay, hold it.
That was really close.

This one's going in, though.

Oh, is it?
On, no, no! It's a numbers game.

Oh, what...


My bad, man.

Three out of 24 ain't bad.
These are not

regulation peanuts.
Good point-- if they had

been properly dimensioned peanuts...

That whole handful would have gone in.

Last call.

I don't have to go home,

but I got to get
the hell out of here, right?

Are you okay?

Yeah. No, I'm fine.

Yeah? Why don't you stick around
and tell me what's wrong?

I've had a great time.

This has been so much fun.

It's exactly what I needed--

you pouring me drinks,
me drinking the drinks.

(both chuckling)

But I don't really know you.

I don't want to be rude--
it's just,

I don't think I should start...

Why don't I catch you up?

I'm 26 years old.

Uh, hold on a second.

(clears throat)

Oh, you're going to take notes.

I got to get this down.

26 years old.

I was born and raised in L.A.

Divorced parents.

Uh, lived with my mom.

That old chestnut.

I've had three serious relationships.

Two I ended,

one who broke my heart.

Like the bumper sticker says,
I'd rather be surfing.

Dogs, not cats.

Fuck cats. Hate cats.

Why'd God make them?

Uh, my favorite Bronte sister
is, uh, Charlotte.

You have a favorite Bronte sister?

That's 'cause I was
a lit major at Yale.

But it does raise
an interesting question.

Why is an Ivy League grad

hawking drinks
at a dive bar in Mar Vista?

You've been asked this before.

Yes, I have-- a lot.

And you answer...?

I say that I don't know.

But I'm happy.

That's emotionally healthy.

Thank you. You say it
like it's a bad thing.

No, no, no. I was...

I'm... somebody said something
earlier to me today,

and th-that's...
that's a good answer.

It's-it's a very good thing.

Emotionally healthy.
Thank you.

Enough stalling.

Bare your soul.


I don't want to play.


I think the only reason
you've been talking to me

is because you think
I'm a decent person,

and if I start unpacking my soul,

you're going to...
you're going to hate me.

I'll hate you
if you don't bare your soul.



I had a huge
professional setback today.

Somebody who I trusted,

somebody who I respected,
singled me out

and spun me around and
stabbed me right in the back.

God, that's awful.
I'm sorry.

Yeah, shit, I probably deserved it.

Have a ten-year-old
who hasn't spoken

to me in four days.

I made a bad decision, and...

there are consequences, right?

His childhood has just...

he's had so much shit thrown at him,

and he's always
just taken it in stride.

You know, with a smile,

a little...
a little song and dance.

He's a musical theater geek.

That's very cute.

He didn't really shrug this one off

like I'd hoped, and, um...

I-I haven't really been able
to... to... to help,

because I'm so dug in at work.

Fathers get busy--
it doesn't mean

that they don't want
to be with their...

No, it's not...
it's not...

No, I was busy.
I was busy.

I am busy.

You know, work...

there's a lot of
pressing issues at work.

But that's how I want it,

because I know what I'm doing at work.

And at home, with him...

I don't have a fucking clue.

And I love him.

I really do.

I love him so fucking much,
and I'm just...

I'm failing him,

and I know it.

And I can't stop it.

And I've said too much.

No. No. Not at all.
Yes, I did.

Look, thank you.
I'm going to take off.

I appreciate it.
Uh, wait.

Actually, are you hungry at all?

Am I hungry?

because I'm starving.

And I don't know your stance
on hamburgers,

but I know a place where you can get,

like, the best hamburger of your life.

(heavy breathing, moaning)

(both chuckling)

Wow. That was a great hamburger.

You, too.


Um, a cigarette?

Uh, no, thank you.

All right.

I'm out.

I know, I'm a total poseur.

Hey, Rosie.

This you and your dad?

Don't look at that.

Why not?

It's embarrassing.
No, it's not.

It's sweet.

Daddy's little girl, huh?

I like that.

No fucking way.

That is fucking crazy.

I know this guy.

How do you know my dad?

Uh, our... our paths crossed
in business.

Small world.

Um... you can stay if you want.

I would love to,
but I got to get home to my kid.



Hold on one second.

Call me.



Tell your dad
next time you talk to him

that Marty Kaan says hello.

Bye, Marty.


(CD player whirring)

("Everything is Broken"
by Bob Dylan plays)

♪ Broken lines, broken strings ♪

♪ Broken threads, broken springs ♪

(engine sputters)
Come on.

♪ Broken idols, broken heads ♪

Fuck. Don't fucking...

♪ People sleeping in broken beds ♪

♪ Ain't no use jivin',
ain't no use jokin' ♪

♪ Everything is broken ♪



♪ Broken bottles, broken plates ♪

♪ Broken switches, broken gates ♪

♪ Broken dishes, broken parts ♪

♪ Streets are filled
with broken hearts ♪

(busy signal)
♪ Broken words ♪

♪ Never meant to be spoken ♪

♪ Everything is broken ♪

♪ Seem like every time
you stop and turn around ♪

♪ Something else has just
hit the ground ♪

♪ Broken cutters, broken saws ♪

♪ Broken buckles, broken laws ♪

♪ Broken bodies, broken bones ♪

♪ Broken voices on broken phones ♪