House of Ho (2020–2022): Season 1, Episode 1 - Ho Sweet Home - full transcript

(upbeat music)

♪ Can't nobody hold me down ♪

♪ I'm steady walking ♪

♪ Like I got three commas
in my bank account ♪

♪ Living loud ♪

♪ So get your cameras out ♪

♪ I'd probably do the
same thing if I was you ♪

♪ Looking at me now, now ♪

♪ Hmmn, put up your lights ♪

♪ And keep 'em flashing ♪

♪ Don't ever put 'em
down down down ♪



♪ Look at me now ♪

♪ Let me teach you
how to swing hey ♪

♪ I got that good foot moving ♪

♪ Just gotta love
the way I swing hey ♪

♪ Girl move don't
stop keep moving ♪

♪ Let me teach you
how to swing hey ♪

♪ I got that good foot moving ♪

♪ Just gotta love
the way I swing hey ♪

♪ Girl move don't
stop keep moving ♪

(children laugh)

(relaxing music)

- [Judy] Wanna taste it?

- No, too hot, girl!

(knife chopping)



- Don't pick off the table,
that's not good manners, okay?

Even though daddy does it.

- Lesley, the last time I fried egg rolls,
they were raw.

Every Sunday,
after we go to church,

we go to brunch with my family,

embracing our
Vietnamese culture.

Looks good, Mom.

That's Kennedy's favorite.

My parents are refugees.

So they came over here in 1975,
no money,

they didn't speak English.

I used to be a Vietnam
Air Force Officer.

The war happened and
the South Vietnam collapsed.

So everybody panicked
and just run away.

We come United
States with nothing.

So we start over
with a new life.

My bonsai expensive
and not coming easy.

- Yeah, but the harder the work,

the better the bonsai should be.

- My dad was working
at a gas station,

and one of those big
white Cadillacs pulled up.

And he told himself that,
you know,

one day I'm gonna be that
person driving a Cadillac.

- Is this already hot, mom?

It doesn't feel ready.

(speaking in Vietnamese)

- Okay.

(speaking in Vietnamese)

- I work like, 16 hours a day.

We were very poor.

- After that I worked
for insurance company.

I make some good money and
I use the money re-investment.

My main business now
is banking and investment.

- Mr. Ho.

- [Binh] Yes, sir.

- Congratulations.

I heard you closed
a big deal last night.

(Binh laughs)

He's been a very successful
Vietnamese refugee.

He dreams big, worked hard,

made deals that nobody
ever expected to happen.

- My husband,
he said one day he will be rich.

He worked smart
and I help him a lot,

and one day he did it.

(emotional music)

- Okay, sit, sit.

- McKinley, come with Grandpa.

- Okay.

Yeah, you stay here with Grandpa,
okay?

- My dad's a very
proud American.

- Get 'em, get 'em!

(guns fire)

- [Judy] He's like,
I'm gonna name my sons after presidents.

My brother is named Washington.

My youngest brother
is named Reagan.

- I said,
"well maybe my kid gonna be

the president of the
United States one day."

Why not?

- I guess we
continued the tradition,

I named my children,
Kennedy, Truman,

and McKinley.

Looks so good!

- I didn't have a choice

but to continue
with the presidents.

- My wife didn't want to
name him a normal name

because my father might
forget about him in the trust fund.

- No, it's not true.

- Okay.

- [Lesley] So we decided to
go with Roosevelt and Lincoln.

- Mommy!

- Truman, Roosevelt,
go play with cousin.

I was a disappointment
because I was a girl,

so I'm named Judy.

(upbeat music)

My mom, she's beautiful,
she's a great cook,

she can kill you with one eyebrow,
she's very critical.

I mean,
it's hard for me to be the daughter.

♪ Who's the baddest
down the flow ♪

- She doesn't approve of anybody,
actually.

- [Judy] So I can't even imagine
being her daughter-in-law.

Lesley, you wanna try?

(Lesley laughs nervously)

- It's Mom's way or no way.

- [Hue] No, no, no.

- [Washington] Watch your finger,
honey.

I don't wanna buy another ring.

- I'm trying.

(speaking Vietnamese)

- I'm Lesley Ho.

I'm Washington Ho's wife,
originally from Oklahoma.

Most Vietnamese families
settled in California or Houston

because of the tropical weather.

My family happened
to settle in Oklahoma

because of my
grandmother's brother.

It's very country.

It's not cosmopolitan
like Houston.

- She's learning,
she's learning.

- She's a Ho. She's
a wannabe Ho.

- When I married into this family,
it was different for me.

Sometimes it feels
like a fairy tale.

Like I have the perfect life.

- [Binh] Let Washington,
he is the oldest son, to be in charge.

- Roosevelt, we're gonna pray,
okay? Ready?

(speaking Vietnamese)

Dear Lord,
thank you very much for this food.

- My family loves
being American,

but at the same time,
they're old-school Vietnamese

and they're very Catholic.

Those are two ideals
that they expect all of us

to continue living by,

even though we were born here,
we were raised here.

- Who fried the egg rolls?

- It was a joint effort.

I try to follow my parents rules

as much as I can,
but sometimes it's living up to a lot.

- Hey Washington,
you look at me.

I stay with your mom

forty-four years.

But one thing I regret,

I wish I can marry
her 10 year earlier,

so now I got fifty-three years,
not forty-three years.

(Washington laughs)

- When I married him,
I didn't know that

before that, he play like...

- You mean a player?

- Yes, but...

- A playboy.
- After he married,

he had kids,

and he changed a lot.

- You know what?

I have one regret about
marrying my wife too.

- Twenty years earlier?

- No,
I should've married her thirty years later.

(everyone laughs)

Because I would be happy
for the next thirty years.

- Oh, god.

- Just kidding babe.

- Washington nickname
is (speaks Vietnamese).

A bullshit (laughs).

Washington is
called Bullshit Ho.

- You be lucky you're married.

- Yes.

- He's lucky? Am I lucky?

- You're lucky and he's lucky,
too.

- The Vietnamese community
is kind of broken down

into the regions
that you were from.

My family is Bac,
so Bac people are more proper.

They are more conservative.

Washington's family
is (speaks Vietnamese)

The only thing I know about
(speaks Vietnamese) people

is that they're
supposedly more frugal.

- This is to Dom Perignon.

- Washington's family
is definitely not frugal.

- Oh, it's a party.
- God.

- And they're very outspoken.

I mean,
they're just in their own little culture.

They're Ho's.

- Let me pour some,
some confession juice.

Everyone's gonna confess

after they drink the
confession juice today.

- Washington is in
a very special role,

in that Washington is the
oldest son in the family.

That means that everyone in
our family looks upon Washington

to carry on our legacy.

- Uh Judy,
will you go get some watermelon?

- Growing up as a daughter
in a Vietnamese family,

there's a sense of duty.

You have to make good grades,
be a doctor or lawyer.

So I chose to be a lawyer.

You have to be married and
then you gotta have your kids,

and then just
continue the traditions

that you grew up with.

But as you grow older,

maybe you want to
do things differently.

At the same time,

there's a lot of guilt
and shame sometimes

when you choose your own path,

because it's not necessarily
what your parents want.

So I have an announcement

that I want to share
with everybody.

- Okay.

- Uh, I think that you guys have
noticed that I've been unhappy

and Viet hasn't been
present at family events.

So I've decided to file divorce.

(solemn music)

- As a Vietnamese culture,

when a woman marry,
she belong to the husband family.

When she get a divorce,
it's a curse.

That's what we believe.

In our culture,
that's the way it is.

- Me and the kids
are gonna move out.

- I think I am very
sad to hear that,

my main thing about how to make

you and your kids happy.

- Thank you, Dad.

- I don't mean I support that.

- Things haven't improved,

so it's not like I woke up
one day and decided this.

But it comes to a certain
point when you realize

that change is not coming,

and you have to decide
for yourself and for your kids

that there's a better way.

I don't want this for them,

but I believe that
it will be better.

- In our religion,

God put you together,

and I don't want a separation.

So you told me to support that?

No, I won't!

- Yeah,
but you have to understand

that marriage
requires two people

who show up every
day and make sacrifices.

If the other person
doesn't do that,

that is not a marriage.

- She needs your support.

And that doesn't mean you
have to disagree or agree,

you just have to
be there for her.

- I'm not against that,

but I cannot
support that either.

- Okay.

I hope that my parents look
back and realize that you know

they raised someone
that they can be proud of,

but I can tell my family
is disappointed in me,

and it's hard.

(solemn music continues)

- [Child] Mommy, mommy!

(hopeful music)

- [Judy] Oh, uh, uh,
that's gonna spill.

Let's just do this for now,
okay buddy?

I thought y'all just ate.
Why are y'all so hungry?

- [Child] Mommy look, a baby!

- You want Fruit Loop or
you want chocolate chip?

Right now I'm going
through a divorce

and I am living with
Washington with my children.

We'll finish it and
then I'll get you more,

but I don't want to waste it.

And I'm hoping to
move into my new home,

but my new house
isn't done renovating yet.

It's been working out.

Me and Lesley have gotten closer

since I've been living here.

- Mom, gimme (cries).

- What? You have one, hey.

(child cries)

- Y'all crazy today.

- The upside of
Judy living with me

is that I have a
girlfriend to talk to.

Roosevelt and all of his
cousins get to play along together.

They go to the same schools.

- Who's ready for
slime? Raise your hand.

- [Kids] Me! Me!

- [Judy] Okay.

- [Lesley] This is
probably the only time

you'll ever get to do it is
when Judy was here, huh?

- I did it! I did it!

- Are you gonna miss
this when I move out?

- [Lesley] All this slime?

- Yeah!

- No.

- Look how self-contained it is.
- Yeah, make sure it

doesn't stain this, okay?

- That's what bleach is for.

- You don't bleach
your kitchen island.

- Why not?

- This is like a pure rock.

You don't do that to,
it ruins it.

- It'll be fine. Where's Wash?

- Um, I think he's supposed
to be coming home soon.

- Some help would be nice.

♪ Oh no ♪

♪ What's going on here ♪

♪ My world is turned around
and I'm upside down like ♪

♪ Oh oh ♪

(car engine revs)

(kids fussing)

- McKinley you wanna
share some of the pink?

- [Judy] Share.

- [Lesley] Can we share?
- [Washington] Hello.

What?

- [Lesley] How was work?

- Oh, it was, it was good.

- [Judy] Yes.

- God.

- What?

- So messy.

- This is not even that messy.

- [Washington] Can
we just being normal?

- This is normal.

- It's like, no it's not.

- You know what
would be abnormal,

if it was super clean all
the time with five kids.

- Yeah.

- [Judy] This is normal.

- That's too much, Mommy.

- Like what the...

Judy being here has
created a lot of chaos.

- Who farted? I don't know.

- [Kids] Me!

- Truman farted.
- He loves to fart.

- She's got three kids,
you know.

I feel bad, but I cannot focus
when I have my sister here.

- Earlier he called me,
and he was like,

"I'm gonna pick up
the kids in the McLaren.

Do they need a car seat?"

- That's my husband.

He thinks it's a good idea to
go through the carpool lane

in a two-seater European
car with four kids.

Can you imagine the
look on the teacher's faces

when they open the door?

- I mean,
father of the year award.

- Honey, what do you want
to do with all these boxes?

They all say Judy's name,
I don't know why they're here.

- That's all mine?

- [Washington] I'm just
gonna put it over here.

- Okay, that's fine.

- Yeah.

- Judy, Judy.

- Judy, I love you,

but I can't wait till you get
out of my freaking house.

- Honey?

- Huh?
- You know how we're

switching out all the brass?

All the hardware came in today.

- Can't we just get like,
some professional to do it?

- To screw something in?

- Yeah, if I do this by hand,

like my hand will fall off
if I do this whole kitchen.

- It will ruin his
manicure Lesley.

- Yeah.
- Oh my god.

- I can do it. It's just
gonna take forever.

- God.

- Here, you got overtime.

- Overtime?

- I have overtime.

- So that means you're
gonna pay me extra? (scoffs)

I wish Judy could
find a guy like me.

She'd be so happy.

- I would be just as
happy as Lesley is.

- I'm gonna leave
both of y'all here

to celebrate like
peace and freedom.

- [Lesley] Freedom?

- Sometimes I need some air.

- God.

- This fish that has to
jump out and get some air,

like a dolphin.

I go out,
go have a drink or two,

(car engine revs)

see what happens.

- [Lesley] You brush first
and then mommy brush?

Yeah?

- I need a change.

- Okay, I'll change you.

You know Washington
goes out a lot,

and you know,
it's part of his business.

Okay.

He always says, "to make money,
you gotta spend money."

So he takes his clients
gambling and drinking,

and there's clubs,
and there's sparklers,

and there's Magnum bottles.

You know,
so it's not a typical nine-to-five.

(phone rings)

- [Voicemail] Your
call has been forwarded

to an automatic-

- I'm just not there anymore.

You know, I used to party,
but it's just not my thing.

You know,
so I stay home and I take care of the kids.

(phone rings)

- [Voicemail] Your
call has been forwarded

to an automatic voice message-

- But you know,
that's part of his job.

And he happens to love it.

So I guess, you know,
kind of what I signed up for, right?

(upbeat music)

- I love my new house.

When my dad first
showed it to me,

"oh,
what do you think of this house?"

I was like, "oh, it's nice."

He was like, "I'm gonna get it."

He plans this path for you,

and you don't even
realize that he's doing it.

And you know, most people say,

"oh,
I'm thinking two steps ahead."

My dad is thinking
10 steps ahead.

He's been so successful
in his business life

that he wants to apply that
to the way he runs his family.

Hi dad.

- Good morning.

- Oh.

It looks good,
but there's still a lot of work to do.

- I'm shooting for two weeks.

- Okay.
- You can start to

move furniture,
so you need to ready for that.

- I'll book the
movers for two weeks.

I can see you put a lot
of work and time into this.

Good thing you only live over
there so you can walk here.

- That a positive or negative?

- Uh...

(Binh laughs)

- I'm happy when your
kids move in this house.

- Oh, not me?

- They don't make choice,
you had choice.

- Originally,
my house was supposed to be

for my ex-husband and I,
and our three kids.

And it didn't work out that way.

For the first time, I'm alone.

I have three children
by myself now.

I'm living with my brother.

I'm relying on my
parents for support again.

And you know,
it's been humbling.

- Wow,
your house looks good Judy!

- You think so?

- Good job.

- Why are you wearing
sunglasses inside?

- Because I'm just
trying to look cool.

- Oh, it's very on-brand,
Washington.

- Did you happen to put
my dry cleaning somewhere?

Because I've been
wearing the same sweater

for two days already.

- You're not baby anymore.

- Thank you.

- I don't have no time for you.

Okay, I have to go.

- Bye Dad.

- Thanks Dad.

Wow,
I really like your house though.

Look at these walls.

- [Judy] Dad picked these walls.

- What made you
approve dad's choices?

- I didn't approve.

Dad's the man. He
does what he wants.

- Right.

(mellow music)

- [Lincoln] Yeah,
yeah, yeah. Yay, yay.

- Hi, I'm Lesley,
I'm calling from the

pre-authorization department.

- Yay.

- I just need to
verify with the nurse

on a patient's date of birth.

I'm a pharmacist.

I worked my butt off in school,

so I wasn't just going
to marry into a family

and not work,
and rely on my husband.

You know,
that's just not who I am

and that's not what I'm about.

Roosevelt, be careful.

Hey, stop. Let her play.

You know,
growing up in Oklahoma,

my parents had two
Chinese restaurants,

and they worked from
6:00 AM to 2:00 AM.

And I really learned
the value of a dollar.

(Lincoln chatters)

Shh! Mommy's making calls.

Okay,
that's what we have on file.

I have a doctorate in pharmacy.

I went to school for 10 years.

And when I first
told his parents that,

they were like, "oh,
I thought it was a four-year degree."

No. Yeah,
people do call me Doctor.

- Hey Mommy.

- Who's gone?
- She won't share this.

- Okay, let her play with it first,
that's hers, okay?

Being a full-time working
mom is a lot of pressure.

I mean, sometimes I'm pulled
in a million different ways.

(kids fussing)

I have a lot on my plate.

So naturally,
it's very stressful for me.

- Licoln and Mommy.

(mellow music)

- Where's everybody?

Judy!

- [Judy] I'm coming.

- Oh my God. What
are you wearing?

- What's wrong with
what I'm wearing?

- Go get change.

Where are you going, church?

- Happy hour,
you look like you're dressed for the club.

- Come on, come on.
- But-

- You can do better than that.

- Okay.

- What the hell are you wearing?

- Okay, okay, I'm changing.

- I don't want them to
think that you are my mom.

Come on, loosen up, girl.

I know how to party.

Every Wednesday,
4:00 to 7:00, is my birthday.

Doesn't matter what week,
rain or shine.

Every Wednesday is my birthday.

Ah, I love the shoe, my god.

I thought you gonna
wear flats again.

I forgot to tell you about it.

- Okay. That's enough.

I don't want them to see my bra.

- No,
not right away. Just like that.

You got boobs, you got legs,

You can walk with
a high-heel shoe,

do it, use it.

I do it as long as I can.

When you walk,
this thing gonna fly around.

- No, it's not.

- [Tina] Show some leg.

- [Judy] I did.

You're paying right?

- [Tina] Yeah.

- [Judy] Okay, then I'm good.
- [Tina] We're not gonna pay.

Don't worry about
that part. Come on.

♪ It's okay to get crazy ♪

♪ Get crazy, get crazy ♪

(jazzy music)

- You wanna sit here?

Now that I'm divorcing
my ex-husband,

of course the first person
who wants me to start dating

is Aunt Tina.

But my parents are not
ready to see me out and about

and enjoying my new life.

They think I should still
be grieving my marriage.

- If you try 1942 straight,
oh my god.

- It's a lot of calories
when you drink cocktails.

- Girl.

- You've been
doing it for 30 years.

Of course your system
breaks down the alcohol.

- Oh my god, you serious?

- [Kara] Hi ladies.

- Hi.

- Ah,
we both gonna try the Annie margarita.

- Okay.
- Now do you have a 1942?

- I do. We can do that.

- Yeah,
would you do that for me please?

- Sure, absolutely.
- Thank you.

- Do you have any Pepcid?

You know I need that.

I turned so red without it.

Pepcid AC is a lifesaver
for us Asian people.

- I'm not the same as you.
- I know, I know, I know.

That's why I bring it for you,
hello.

- We get super red when we drink

and it looks like
we're sunburned.

Looks like birth control.

- Me? Need a birth control?

No way, Jose.

(Judy laughs)

We don't need that.

My nickname is Hot Mess.

I can get drunk and get knocked out,
throw up,

and then I go home
and sleep for 15,

lay down for 15 minutes,
wake up like,

act like I never have drink.

- I do know that about you.

- We have a biggest family ever.

We have 11 sibling total.

I have six sister,
me is the seventh,

and none of them drink.

To new Judy.

- I like new Judy.

- Yay.

Stir it up a little bit more.

- Oh my god.

- It's strong?

- Whoo!

- My other sisters,
they look at me like, are you crazy?

Tina,
you're not supposed to do that.

I say, "is anybody die yet?"

- What do you think
about the guys here?

Anybody for me?

- Three o'clock.

- Not really my type.

- Have you dated a
Caucasian before?

- Dated? No. I've slept with one,
but not dated.

They were just kinda boring.

- Asian people don't
do shit for you either.

I didn't ask you to marry him,
hello!

- But it should be someone
I look and I should be like,

"I want to sleep with him,"
right?

- No.

(Judy laughs)

- Hey, Kara,
you know what that guy is drinking?

- Yes.

- Maybe we buy him a shot too,
so he can take shot with us.

(Judy laughs)

- Okay.
- Cheers.

- Cheers. To new friends.
- For making new friends.

- 1942.

- [Man] Mm.

(Judy laughs)

- So are you um, single?

- Pretty much.
- Oh nice, nice, nice.

- I'm divorced. Are
you divorced too?

- Um, I'm actually uh, single.

- Woo, woo, woo!

- Why so much hesitation
when you answered that?

- Uh...
- High five girl.

We are single tonight.

- I got out of a relationship,
so I'm kind of

- Ah, newly single.
- Getting back out there.

- Okay, let's cheers.

- Now what's the
purpose of this one here?

- New friends.

- There we go, there we go.

- You get her phone number yet?

- Uh, working on it right there.

Thanks for the help there,

forgot about the
phone number part.

- When the girl says
"yes" it mean no,

when girl say "no" it mean yes.

- What the hell?

(man laughs nervously)

We're in the Me Too movement.

- That's very risky right now,
with this era, yeah, yeah.

- [Producer] Hey Tina,

have you heard of
the Me Too movement?

- Me Too movement?

I think it just,
it's all, it's me too.

It's not just all about you.

It has to be including me.

- So you don't mind,
I'd love to have your number.

- Yeah, 7-1-, 7-1-3-

- I always say,
"me time, that's it."

They don't know,
this is me time.

I do it, I do it for me.

I mean like, if I'm not happy,

nothing is going to happen.

That's me.

- [Producer] Nice.

- [Judy] Just ask for
Washington. He's my assistant.

- Oh, okay.

♪ One foot in
front of the other ♪

♪ They do it all by themselves ♪

- The designer
sent all the samples,

so I have to choose
between those two

and then kids' room,
or play room.

- So cute.

- What do you like?

- This is cute for
the playroom. I like it.

- Since I've been
living with Washington,

I've really been enjoying
my life as a single woman.

At the same time,

I feel like Washington
wants me to move out

sooner rather than later.

But Leslie seems to enjoy it.

You know,
she can talk to me about my brother

because I understand him
better than most people.

You think Washington
will miss having me here?

Probably not, right? - No.

You being here,
we're like college roommates or something.

- Oh.

- You know what I'm saying,
like girl talk.

You know we have girl talk.

- Yeah?

- But he wants to be
included in the girl talk.

Remember how he tells you like,

"you're supposed to be my best friend,
not Lesley's"?

- Yeah, uh-huh.
- And then to me he's like,

"you're supposed to my best friend,
not Judy's."

- So he's playing both sides.

- The first thing you ever said to me,
you said,

"Washington is the
biggest manipulator."

- No, I... A master manipulator.

- I said,
"You seem pretty smart.

What are you doing
with my brother?"

- I know. I asked
him afterwards.

- And what did he say?

- He went to your
mom and talked to her.

- Of course, see.

- And then she got all upset,
and like,

"why would she say
that about her brother?

What is she talking about?"

- You know my mom's
the worst person to go to

when it comes to Washington.

He can do no wrong in her eyes.

- I know.

- But he gets drunk and then she'll,
"who was he with?

Who bought the drinks?"

- And he's the one pouring it.

- Yeah.

- When I first met Washington,

he was a charismatic
guy that just lit up the room

when he walked in.

You know, he was so friendly
and made me feel so comfortable

and we would just laugh.

And I really did feel
like Cinderella you know,

my carriages were limos and
champagne and nice dinners.

It felt like we were soulmates,
like we were friends,

like we'd been
together for so long.

- So do you feel like there's
two versions of Washington?

- I feel like there's the good dad,
the good husband,

and then there's that outside
persona that he tries to be.

Because it's part of his business,
right?

- Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.
- Like he's a businessman and

I get that he has to take
clients out and he has to be

that person and
then that loud person.

- When he turns into the diva

and wears the sunglasses indoors,
that version?

- The obnoxious one.

- Yeah.

- Yeah.

- Washington really
hasn't had to be responsible

about anything in his life.

Whatever businesses he
started were fully funded

by my father.

There's a lot of things he's
done that are questionable.

Some of them revolve
around finances in our family.

- Happy fourth,
to all you Ho's out there.

- When he was single,

every day was like
a bachelor party.

You know,
I'm the one that gets those 2:00 AM calls

from Harris County jail.

I have the bail bond
guy on my speed dial.

You know, that's my way of
trying to shield my parents.

- I don't ever know which
version I'm gonna get.

So I don't buy liquor for the
house and I don't buy wine.

- He seems better,
like without the alcohol around the house.

- I love him without alcohol,

and maybe one drink
or so and he's fine,

but then it can kind
of escalate a little bit.

- Hey.

- Hi.

- You're all dolled up.

- Thank you. Where's Wash?

- Uh,
I think he's still upstairs.

- Wash!

- You look cute.
- Where are you going?

- Thank you. We're gonna
go do some networking.

- Sammy Finch
is my little cousin.

Her mom is my
dad's younger sister.

She's Washington's assistant.

- Where are you guys,
what are you guys gonna do?

- We're gonna play some poker.

- Poker?

- Poker.
- Okay.

- My poker face, baby.

Uh,
I wouldn't consider me his assistant.

- I didn't know about it.

- He didn't tell you?

- No.

- I would be a shitty assistant

because I don't really
assist him at anything.

I'm more like sidekickin'.

Looking fly.

- [Washington] What you think,
honey?

- Yeah. (laughs sardonically)

- Gonna take Sammy with me.

- Mm-hmm.

- She's gonna help
me do some marketing.

She got some-

- You weren't gonna
tell me about your poker?

I didn't know about it.

- I'm working. I
told you last week.

- I do not know that
you told me last week.

- Really, I'm sorry.

- I don't want you to be sorry.

- Would you like
to talk about it?

- I don't need to talk about it.

- Well, um,
call me if anything happens with the kids

or y'all need me.

- [Lesley] Okay.
- I'll be right down the street.

- Behave.

- Thank you very much
for letting me go to work.

- Oh my God.

- (sighs) So glad I'm divorced.

(Lesley laughs)

♪ On the phone in the jungle ♪

♪ On the phone in the streets ♪

♪ I'm in the Lambo ♪

♪ I'm in demand hoe ♪

♪ Pull up shoot my
shot like Rambo ♪

(car engine revs)

♪ Got my shirt off
and my chains on ♪

♪ Pull off do a 100
yeah I'm too gone ♪

(car engine revs)

♪ Yeah I run the town
and everybody know it ♪

♪ I'm so flashy so everybody
focused yeah yeah ♪

♪ Whoa ooh ooh ♪

♪ Whoa ooh ooh ♪

♪ Whoa ooh ooh ♪

♪ Whoa ooh ooh ♪

♪ Yeah yeah ♪

(group exchanges greetings) -
Hey! What's up man? (laughter)

- I'm fine. How are you? Good.
- Hi. How are you doing?

Good to see you.

- Damn,
we're playing big tonight, huh?

- What's up my man? Always good.

- My uncle has a lot of money.

And Washington being the oldest son,
he has that angel money

to invest in ideas
and opportunities.

- What you drinking?

- Whatever you're drinking.

All right, has everybody got
their money ready or what?

- Always.

- He just has to
come up with a plan.

He presents it to his dad,
and his dad either says,

"okay, yes,
we'll invest in that,"

or no, he won't.

- What's your
buy-in? What are you?

- Sammy?

- They buy-in? 30.

- 30k, 30k.

- Let's go, we don't play.

- Cheers bro.
- [All] Cheers.

- I'm gonna take all your money,
but that's all right.

- Daddy wants a return though,

so when he doesn't,
my uncle's just probably

thank God he didn't
give him more than that.

- My family.
- Appreciate it.

- Now let's get fucked up
and make some money.

(Wine trickling)

- What is your sex personality?

I prefer my partner
to be kinkier than me,

about the same, tamer than me,
or no preference?

- About the same.

- Not kinkier?

- No, I'm kinky enough

for both of us. - You are?

- I'm a Ho!

- How often do you
prefer to have sex?

- Oh my god.
- Three to five times a week,

five to seven times a week,

one to three times a week or less,
several times a day?

- Three to five.

- [Lesley] That's a lot.

- Is it?

- Five times a week?
- That's one every day.

I thought Judy was
always a little more uptight,

but she's more
loose and laid back

and a little more
kinky than I thought.

Have you ever been part
of a Chinese finger trap?

What is that?

- I don't even know what it is,
so no.

- Have you ever had
a true one night stand?

- Yes,
spring break. Doesn't everybody?

- No, not me.

- [Judy] Hmm.

- Okay. Have you ever
had sex while having,

ugh, on your period?

- Oh yeah.

Yes?

- Yeah.

(esthetician laughs)

- Ugh. That's so messy.

Well of course,
you let your kids play with slime.

- Doesn't surprise me.
- Oh yeah, there's a

correlation there.

- Doesn't surprise me.

Do you like to be
spanked during sex?

- Yes.

- Oh, okay,
you got very vanilla.

- I believe it.

- Really? That's vanilla?

- What would you be?
- Even below vanilla?

- I'd be bland.

- [Judy] Oh, I could see that.
- Jeez.

- Oh, Lesley.
- I know.

- So Oklahoma.

♪ I'm at it again ♪

♪ The most haters back
and they hatin' again ♪

♪ I gets money ♪

- Ready!

Washington's job is to
look like he has a job.

- Oh, yeah.
- Are you in?

- [Player] All right.

- You in, you out?

- I'm out.

- I'm gonna go all in.

(chips clatter)

Schmoozing goes with boozing,

and I love the boozing
and shmoozing.

(players chatter)

- [Player] He's all in,
let's turn 'em over,

and see what you got.
See what you guys got.

- Oh, man.

- Y'all are fucked.

- Jack two.

- Ah, man, it is what it is.

- I play to win. I
don't play to lose.

- See Wash is back, baby.

- The truth is,
my dad was a playboy,

my grandfather was a playboy.

It's always gonna
be in my blood.

Washington, oh Washington.

I am the only one that
cares about the Ho legacy.

- [Man] Cheers guys.

- I'm not driving home.

You can't go into
County like this

and then come out with
the Hermes rag suit can you?

Only Washington Ho could though.

- What did you
think of Washington

the first night you met him?

- It was in Vegas was when
we got to know each other.

He was good in Vegas,
he wasn't drinking.

- What made you finally
decide to move here?

- Because I was
living on Washington.

- Oh, okay.

- And then I got a job offer
on Washington and Houston

and I was dating a Washington.

So I thought it was
a sign from God.

- Seriously?

- Yeah (laughs).

- I don't know if it
was enough to like

move to another city for a guy,
that's a lot.

- I know,
but we just had a connection.

- And you never thought
about moving back?

- No.

(introspective music)

- You know, I think Washington's
been talking to my mom,

because she told me that
she thinks you're a tryrant

when it comes to Wash.

- Me?

- Yeah.

- A tyrant?

- Mm-hmm. You know she
has her own opinion about you,

and who knows what
Washington is feeding her.

- I know.

- He has his version. The
one that caters to my mom.

- I wish he would just tell her,
like, I'm not a tyrant.

Like that's so,
our culture back in the day, you know,

like Vietnam.

- She's old-school.

- Like all the women just
serve the men and that's it.

- Yeah, I know,
Washington's used to that.

- Yeah, but we're in America.

- I know.

- She has to understand
that we're modern women.

- Do you think he defends you

or do you think he goes with it?

- I hope he defends me.

You know, Wash and I got
married and we said our vows.

- I Washington,
take Lesley, to be my wife.

- I thought that I had
met my Prince charming.

And I just thought what every girl thinks,
you know,

you just want to live
happily ever after.

- Because I mean,
once you get married

your wife and your husband
should be your priority.

- Right.
- Even over your parents.

- You shouldn't just
keep your mouth shut.

You shouldn't just
have to change yourself

to make a marriage work.

And now I'm just wondering

maybe happily ever
after is only in fairytales.

(crickets chirping)

- It's part of the
contract of being a Ho.

You have to be able
to withstand private jets.

Mom, she's gonna throw up.

- No, I have anxiety right now.
- Oh, okay.

You'll be fine.

- Stop talking.

(Judy laughs)

♪ I can do this all day ♪

♪ I can do this all day ♪

- [All] Whoo!

♪ I make it look easy ♪

- I just need to
finalize this divorce.

- I'm not ready yet.

- Because they're hoping
that I'll go back to that?

- What does he
know? He just a man.

- We think you need to have sex.

- Oh, I'm having sex.

- When the divorce happen,
kids always suffer.

- She have boyfriend too early.

- Who cares?

- I'm so indebted to him,

and he's not afraid of
reminding me of that.

- Cheers.

- You need a little bit more.

- With the bow.

- Ho.

- My mom meets Lesley one time.

She's like,
"if you marry Lesley,

you don't owe me and dad
nothing for the rest of your life."

- Should that be on TV?

- I'm a spoiled rich kid.

♪ What is a modern love song ♪

- When we started this project

we had a secret in our marriage.

And my greatest fear is that

it's gonna tear
my marriage apart.

My tongue?

- Stick it out.
- They fight, they crazy.

- I'm not crazy.

The only people that know
the truth is you and me.

- You're my first wife.

I hope you're my only wife.

(Lesley sniffs)

- That's my whole life,
look at it from the front.

- Thank you.

Everything that looks
good from the outside,

but the inside is just so hard.

♪ I'm gonna rock this
house like no one before ♪

- Everybody say Ho!

- Ho!

♪ I'm gonna stand up, stand up ♪
- Oh my God.

- Whoo!
- All right, whoo!

♪ Light it up, light it up ♪

♪ This is my night ♪

- Give me your hat.

I think your hat's good luck.

- Woo hoo!

- It's not the whole truth.

- Put a polka dot on
there. There you go.

- It's the Ho truth.

♪ Ooh ♪

♪ Make it rain, make it rain ♪

♪ I don't care 'cause
it's all the same ♪

♪ I'ma make the
best of any situation ♪

♪ Make it rain, make it rain ♪

♪ I don't care I'ma be happy ♪

♪ No you can never rain on me ♪

(orchestral fanfare)