House (2004–2012): Season 8, Episode 20 - Post Mortem - full transcript

PENZA: Clear!
(DEFIBRILLATOR CHARGING)

Charging. Clear!

(MONITOR FLATLINING)

(SIGHS)

Okay, I'm calling it.

Time of death, 8:32.

(SOMBER SONG PLAYING)

Hello, Diana.
Shall we?

LV tear's within
a zone of fresh
tissue necrosis,

implicating recent
myocardial infarction
as the instigating event.

Unfortunately,
the medical records
show that Dr. Penza



never suspected
heart disease,

instead, giving steroids
for an erroneous diagnosis
of asthma,

thereby causing
the fatal tear.

I suggest
these findings warrant
further investigation

into Dr. Penza's
standard of care
for this patient,

making this my third
such recommendation
regarding Dr. Penza this year.

Concluding autopsy
with examination
of the brain.

Dr. Treiber?

I'm cold.

(TIRES SCREECHING lN DISTANCE)

(GRUNTING)

Yes, it's mine.

And, yes, I know that
I can't drive stick.

And, no, I don't care
that I parked in
a handicap spot.



"Staring death in the face
has changed my life."
What a clich?.

The clich? is to lead
a more meaningful life.

I've taken a holy vow
to lead a less
meaningful one.

I've spent my life
caring, giving,

and searching
for the profound.

Now it's time for
selfishness, indifference,
and embracing the shallow.

(HORN HONKING CONTINUOUSLY)

(CHIRPS)

(HONKING STOPS)

Your scan's
in three days.

Tell me this isn't
just you killing time

until you find out
if your cancer's gonna
kill it for you?

I just paid $75,000
for a ridiculously
impractical car,

the depth
of shallowness.

And tomorrow,
I'm driving it to Cleveland
to meet my boyhood crush.

The years have
not been kind
to David Cassidy.

Julie Christie,
Doctor Zhivago, Shampoo.
I was precocious.

She's opening some kind
of charity animal clinic,
or something.

I'm neglecting my patients
to fulfill a silly fantasy.
(ELEVATOR DINGS)

Textbook selfishness
and indifference.

Or you've made sure
that your patients

are well covered,
the car is a rental,

and while waiting to get
Julie Christie's autograph,
you'll adopt a puppy.

I don't even care whether
you believe me or not.

Indifference.

He tried to cut open
his own skull.

Head CT and tox screen
were clean.

Interesting.

Cotard delusion.
Also known as
Walking Corpse Syndrome.

A disconnect
in the amygdala

convinces you that
you're secretly dead.

Case solved,
rendering it...

What's the past tense
of "interesting"?

No prior history
of mental illness,

and before you say
it was caused by antivirals,
I've already ruled that out.

Plus Cotard's doesn't explain
the paresthesia in his hand.

Also, Treiber won't let
any other doctor near him.

He trusts your work.

Treiber's the patient?

(COFFEE MACHINE WHIRRING)

What's the future tense
of "interesting"?

CHI: How's Wilson doing?
Wilson's scan is
at the end of the week.

If his kickass chemo
shrunk the tumor

to an operable size,
he'll live.

If it didn't, he'll die.

That must be very hard.
Is there anything
we can do?

Other than
the prayer circle,
what is there?

Patient's AST is high.

Psychosis
could be brought on
by liver failure.

Maybe Hep C?

Bilirubin and
serum protein levels
were normal.

It doesn't
explain the tingly hand
or why Chase hates him.

I don't hate him,
he hates me.

He hates all doctors.
And it's mutual.

He only hates
the ones that screw up.

And you.

And they only hate Treiber
because he finds
their mistakes.

Mistakes are a wee
bit easier to find
on a dead patient.

A distinction he fails
to recognize. He's a rat.

Who makes the hospital
a safer place

by keeping
doctors accountable
and focused.

What if he got something
from a cadaver?

He handles a lot of them.

You suggesting
we DDx them all?

No, just his last one.

She had bad knees.

If she used
dimethyl sulfoxide
for joint pain,

current from the defibrillator
could've converted it
to dimethyl sulfate.

When Treiber cut into her,
her blood released
toxic fumes.

Everyone in the basement
would be sick.

Well, gas would've
dissipated quickly.

His lungs are fine.

Blood clots
make more sense.

One in his hand
explains the paresthesia,

one in his carotid explains
the psychotic episode.

You two look for
toxic exposure.

Adams, you can
help Chase ultrasound

his evil nemesis
for evil clots.

I know House doesn't like
seeing his patients,

but doesn't a fellow doctor
rate an exception?

Psychosis appears
to be intermittent.

Just snapped out of it
long enough to ask

if House actually
ordered this test.

Don't worry,
we're simply carrying out
his direct orders.

Right, I forgot.
That's what you
were hired to do.

Which is fine.
His diagnostic
error metric is.17,

compared to
the hospital average of.32.

You actually think
you can quantify the value
of every doctor?

Someone should.

And since
I'm the only one
who sees everything...

Right. You were
hired to diagnose people
after they're already dead.

No sign of
stenosis or clots.

Every doctor,
every diagnosis,

every treatment,
every result.

It's pretty impressive.

It's pretty Orwellian.

All written in
his secret code.

He has to keep it
confidential.

Just like the
Wannsee Conference?

The Big Brother metaphor
wasn't pointed enough
for you?

You had to
throw in Hitler?

A couple years ago,
he noticed a link
in child deaths,

and it's completely changed
hospital policies on...

I get it,
Treiber is nerd king.

The more people we kill,
the more lives he saves.

Test is negative
for dimethyl sulfate.
Her blood is not toxic.

Then we should look
for toxic exposures
from something else.

You really think the hospital
is idiotic enough to
issue toxic supplies?

Have you seen his tools?

Treiber doesn't always
use "hospital issue".

Then he's the idiot?

No, but I don't want
to explain that
assumption to House.

Found something.
Found something.

(DOOR OPENS)

Thought we'd
make it a road trip.

'80s music,
junk food, beer.

I have
a dental appointment.

That I'm going to make now.

Ah... I'll let you drive.

Not worth listening
to you whine about

your feelings and fears
for three days.

It's not gonna happen.
I've taken a vow.

People don't change.
You're a person.

Ergo, pass.

Yes, that's why
I brought this.
20ccs of propofol.

You can accompany me
willingly, or I will,
when you least expect it,

inject the contents
of this vial into
your bloodstream.

The fall might result
in a concussion,
or fractures,

or you might get lucky,

and simply wake up
somewhere near Allentown
with a nasty headache.

The choice is yours,
and in case
you've forgotten,

I am indifferent.

We leave tomorrow
morning at 8:00 a.m.

No clots.

No gas.

But we found enough
of this to reanimate
the entire morgue.

He's jacked
on caffeine.

HOUSE: Stimulant psychosis.

How many times
do I have to
solve this case?

So all we have to do
is hydrate and observe him
for 24 hours?

Why don't you tell him
it was your idea?
He might warm up to you.

If you get
an ear in the mail,
it's probably mine.

(GROANING) My abdomen!
It's my abdomen!

It's just the
effects of withdrawal.
The pain is normal.

No. No, this isn't right.

(BREATHING HEAVILY)

Abdominal pain
and distension means

we were wrong about
stimulant psychosis.

They could be
coexistent problems.

He might just
have an obstruction.

You know what House says
about coincidences.

I didn't feel any masses
when I examined him,
and no bowel sounds.

Where's House?

He hasn't come in yet.

And neither has Wilson.
I've already tried him
three times.

Here we go again.

Diabetes could cause
nerve damage in his
hand and gut, and...

CHI: Except his
glucose levels are normal

and he probably
would've mentioned
he was a diabetic.

What about
ulcerative colitis?

Earlier attacks
caused thrombosis...

We already looked
for clots,

and there was no blood
in his stool.

Try him again.

(DIALING)

(CELL PHONE RINGING)

(RINGING CONTINUES)

(SIGHS)

And Wilson's.

Wherever they are,
they don't want
to be disturbed.

(ROCK 'N' ROLL MUSIC
PLAYING ON RADIO)

If we take 78,

we can do the
Sweet Treats & Salty
Eats Snack Food Trail.

My trip, my itinerary.

We have to cover
300 miles today

to be there
with plenty of time

to catch Julie
by 4:00 tomorrow.

And that thing I said
about letting you drive?
I lied.

(GEAR WHIRRING)

What?

I'm impressed.

Not by that,
but by your real effort
to maintain the fa?ade.

It's been almost an hour
and there's been no mention
of the elephant in the car.

Well, I declined
the elephant option.

Uh-huh.

In three days,
you're gonna find out
if you live or die.

You don't want
to talk about it?

No, but obviously you do.

So we're gonna talk about it,
but because I want to?

I am neither talking
about it

nor talking about
not talking about it.

You are hard-wired
to talk about it.

It's how you cope,
it's who you are.

Yeah, well, from now on,
I am not me. I'm...

I'm Kyle Calloway.

I thought your porn name
was Rusty Packard.

Kyle is roguish, carefree,
and shares no qualities
with James Wilson.

Can Kyle drive stick?

(ENGINE REVVING)

Treiber won't let us
do anything without House.

House just took himself
off the case.

You said no bowel sounds
when you examined him.

No, like "diminished",
or "none at all"?
None.

You think it's
an intussusception?

If it is, it could mean
cancer's behind everything.

Let's get a plain film
of his abdomen.

Treiber will refuse
any procedure

that wasn't ordered
by House.

Only if he knows
it wasn't.

You want to lie to a guy
whose favorite pastime
is getting doctors fired?

We're adults with
advanced medical training,

not children left alone
with scissors.

It's one X-ray.

If we had a phone,
we could've found somewhere
a little less charming.

If we had a phone,
you'd be making calls,

downloading porn and
playing Angry Birds.

This trip is about me,
and I like this place.

It's not about
you not wanting me
to have a phone.

You're weak.

You knew that
you'd backslide

and spend your time
talking to teary ex-wives,

and your parents.

Trying to
make them feel better
about you being sick.

Bacon burger with
fries looks awful.
I'll have that.

I'll have The Big One.

You sure? It's $79.

Unless
I finish it in an hour,
in which case, it's free.

It's an 80 ounce steak.

I'm hungry.

And an iced tea,
please.

Big One's up!

This place doesn't
take credit cards.

My meal is
going to be free,

and I'm going
to be inducted
into the Wall of Pain.

Hello, Kyle.

(GROANING) No!
Belly film was normal.

No sign of
an intussusception
or any other obstruction.

House says it's there?

Sometimes
House is wrong.

Run my bowel.

That's serious surgery.
General anesthesia,
long recovery...

We can do a contrast enema
if you need more proof.

I have drawers
filled with people
who had clean scans.

I know how easy it is
to miss something

unless you use your
own hands and eyes.

Run my bowel.
We'll let House
know how you feel.

How I feel is twisted
in white, hot agony.

His orders
were to look for
an intussusception.

Until you actually do that,
I refuse any other tests.

Fine.

No, not fine!

We need to talk...
And I want you
to do the surgery.

Statistically..
you're the best surgeon
in the hospital.

(TREIBER GROANING)

ALL: (CHANTING)
Kyle! Kyle!

Come on, you got this!

You got this! Come on!

Twenty five seconds.

You got this!

Come on! Home stretch,
Kyle! Home stretch!

Fifteen seconds!

Kyle! Kyle!
Kyle! Kyle!

No, don't chew!
Just swallow!

Just keep the meat down.
WAITRESS: Six...

...five, four...
ALL: Five, four...

For the love of God,
swallow!
...three, two, one!

Time!

(ALL CHEERING)

Yes! Yes!

Yes! Oh, you
magnificent bastard.

(GROANS)

WAITRESS: Smile!

(RETCHING)
(CROWD EXCLAIMS IN DISGUST)

It still counts,
though, right?

(GROANING)

No hard feelings, right?

You'll find out
when you wake up.

If you really think
I'm a good doctor,

why do you treat me
like an idiot?

It's not because
you lack talent.

It's because
you've wasted it.

Did you know I applied
to be a fellow with House
the same year as you?

No.

I quit my other
program,

relocated,
broke up with
my girlfriend.

Then your father
made a call and,
suddenly, you had the spot.

That was almost
10 years ago.

Do you know what
I could've done

after even three
years with House?

Gone to the CDC, WHO,

started a diagnostics
department some place

they'd never even
heard of such a thing.

You've been
given everything.

Looks, talent,
my future.

Nine years later,

look what you've
done with it.

(FLUSHING)
WILSON: Ugh!

Must be nice
to be puking for the
old-fashioned reasons.

(GRUNTS)

I'm glad I did it.

You see those
people out there
cheering for me?

I was a hero.

For one fleeting moment,
for an incredibly
stupid reason,

for a bunch of morons
I'll never see again.

God, it felt good.

And now
if you'll excuse me,

I think I've made
room for dessert.

(DOOR OPENS)

How long do you think
you'll work for House?

As long as he lets me.

When House was in prison,
you worked at Mercy,
in plastics, right?

Know what I did?
Surfed.

For nine months.
Yes.

And if I didn't
have two daughters
and alimony,

I might have
done the same.

A fellowship's
supposed to train you
to stand on your own.

Foreman's dean
of the hospital,

Cameron's head of
emergency medicine
in Chicago.

And Kutner and Amber
are dead,

and Thirteen's having
sweet Sapphic sex on
some island.

Look at this,
in his small intestine.

Is it an intussusception?

No.

Guess Treiber was right.

He hasn't checked
his voicemail.

Or his email.

It's been almost 24 hours,
shouldn't we call Foreman,
or the police?

I think this
makes him a fugitive.

We don't have
to tell anyone.

Treiber's symptoms started
in his frontal lobe

and moved through
his nervous system.

Hands, bowels, muscles.

Intermittent porphyria.

He's in the middle
of an attack.

The longer we wait
to treat with haemin,
the more damage it causes.

The longer we wait
to tell him House
isn't running the case,

the more damage
that causes. It's fraud.

It's only an issue
if we're wrong.

It's more
than one X-ray,

more than exploratory
surgery even.

This is a drug
that will damage him
if you're wrong.

Same principle.

(ROCK 'N' ROLL MUSIC
PLAYING ON CAR RADIO)

I want a threesome.

Shouldn't we try
a twosome first?

Two women.
Oh.

I know they're
probably overrated,

and I'll probably be
gravely disappointed,

but I want one anyway.

No, you don't.

Well, Kyle wants one.

Kyle's only one day old.
He doesn't know
what he wants.

I don't want to think
about consequences.

I don't want to
think about...

I don't want to
think about anything,
I just wanna do.

Okay. I need you to do
exactly what I tell you.

Yeah, yeah.

Porphyria?

I know the anesthesia
makes it hard to focus,

but we need to start you
on haemin right away.

House believes very strongly
this is the right call.

Okay.

This thing is peeling.

Well, that is
the cost of cowardice.

Should've gone
for the real thing.

I feel like
I'm cheating.

"A", it is only cheating
if you don't have cancer,

and "B",
it's Wednesday afternoon.
Pickings are slim.

And more importantly,
sober.

The cancer cut
is the surest way
to the pity-pooty party.

One down, one to go.

What?
Wait, wait, what?

She said yes?
To a threesome?

She's empathetic.

She's a hooker.
Gave me a cancer rate.

No, I have never paid
for sex in my life.

You still haven't.
It's my treat.

It's either that
or you find two
very open-minded women

to fall in love with you
in the next hour.

Bartender
seems nice.

She seems female.

Want something to eat?

My friend is dying
of cancer.

God, you poor thing.

It took my mother
two years ago.

But you can't
give up hope.

He's pretty much resigned.
Just wants to go out with
a bang.

And another pun,
what time do you get off?

(TREIBER GROANING)

Pleural effusions.
It's not porphyria.

(COUGHING)

We're gonna need to
put in a chest tube.

I want Dr. House.

We'll tell him exactly...
I wanna talk to him!

I want House!
Where is House?

Where is he?
Where's House?

We don't know.

You didn't have
to sleep out here.

Four's a crowd.

Apparently they left
a long time ago.

So, how was it?
Was the amateur
as good as the pro?

It was confusing,
perfunctory.. and a bit sad.

Never mind.

And exactly
what I needed.

Thank you.

You feel like
buying me breakfast?

One of them
stole my wallet.

FOREMAN: You're lucky
he's not pressing charges.

Porphyria was
a legitimate call.

Until the pleural
effusions.

We've done everything
House would have
if he'd been here.

You lied to a patient.

Treiber's condition
is declining rapidly.

He's agreed to let me
take over the case.

Dr. Chase will have
no further contact
with the patient.

Fine.
I didn't say
you were off the case!

Sit down.

I ordered a cardiac MRI,

enlargement of
the left ventricle suggests
an infiltrative disease.

It's sarcoidosis.

We could start him
on corticosteroids

and do a cardiac
biopsy to confirm.

I disagree.

I was wrong about
the porphyria,

but I wasn't wrong about
the nervous system.

It's a prion disease.

That's why his symptoms
have progressed so rapidly.

It's possible
he was exposed
and didn't know it.

Brains are often stored
and not tested until
weeks after autopsy.

Treiber's too good
to not take the right
precautions.

Maybe the problem is
he thinks the same thing.

His job's built
on the premise that
doctors make mistakes.

That includes him.

We should do
a brain biopsy.
In his condition?

Then we biopsy
the brains in the morgue.

Find the one
that exposed him.

It's a needle
in a haystack.

There's four of us.

Come on, we can
at least start him

on amphotericin
to halt the progress

while you do
your heart biopsy.

No, we can't.
Amphotericin plus the
contrast dye for the biopsy

would overwhelm his kidneys.
We have to choose
one or the other.

Biopsy his heart.

Wallets go in the
minibar freezer.

If there's no minibar,
the toilet tank.
I've got exactly $20 left.

I'm sorry,
I wasn't familiar
with hooker protocol.

We could use
your credit cards.

No, we won't.
I'm still on
probation.

Leaving the state
without permission
will really P.O. my P.O.

Doesn't matter.

We can't even
afford gas to get home.

And we're three hours
behind schedule.

We have enough gas
to get to Julie.

I don't care
about anything else.

What this time?

Just wondering
how long this can last.

You're still hoping
that I'm gonna
wake up and admit

that Kyle Calloway is
just some lame excuse

to have some naughty
thrills, aren't you?

I'm actually hoping
you won't.

I like Kyle.

(SWITCH CLICKS)

(ROCK 'N' ROLL MUSIC
PLAYING ON CAR RADIO)

Oh, come on!

(ENGINE REVVING)

(SHOUTING)

Whoo!

(WHOOPING)

Whoa! Whoa!

(PANTING)

(GRUNTING)

House!

You okay?

My leg still hurts.

Come on!

We got 20 bucks
to go 11 miles.

(WHIRRING)

Why aren't you
answering your pages?

I'm busy.

The biopsy showed fibrosis
in his cardiac muscle.

So it's not
a prion disease.

It means Foreman
was wrong, too.

He wants everyone
to meet in his
office to DDx.

So he can tell us all
it's an infection?

Interesting, or maybe
you should consider
not being such a baby.

My first instinct
was an exposure
from a corpse.

Treiber spends
all his time here.

If it's not toxic gas,
or prions,

then it has to
be something else.
He's not perfect.

Are you trying to cure him
or discredit him?

Treiber can only
see me as "Not House",
Foreman, too.

And they're not wrong.

So you're not
coming upstairs?

No. And when this case
is over, I'm quitting.

He's not quitting.

He already called
other hospitals.

Treiber did get
under his skin.

He'll get over it.

Fibrosis has
to be a response
to an infection.

Chase said
you'd say that.

We'll test the biopsy
samples for viruses,

and start him
on anti-virals.

You're not even going
to talk to Chase?

He didn't leave
after he got stabbed
in the heart.

I think we're okay.

Either you're right,
and your friend is
just really upset,

or you're wrong,
and he's come at this
calmly and rationally,

and you're about to
lose a good doctor.
Either way...

This is Oubliette, Ohio.
Buses don't run here
after 1968.

Ina said there's a bus
every 15 minutes.

Ina is living in
Alzheimersville.

Been here at least
half an hour.

Where are
you going, Ina?

Naples, Florida.

Ben and I have
a beautiful three-bedroom
condo, all on the one floor.

You're waiting
for a bus to Naples?

Comes every 15 minutes.
Ben'll be wondering
where his dinner is.

Cab.

Whoa! Cab!

20 bucks, 11 miles.
Come on!

Come on, let's go.

Julie is gonna
be at the clinic

for another 45 minutes,
we can make this!

She thinks
she's in Florida.

(SIGHS) Okay.
Bring her with.

I'm waiting for the bus.

Bus isn't coming, Ina.

But this cab is
going to Naples.

Ben'll be
getting awfully hungry.
House.

We'll tell the cabbie
to call the cops.

They'll come pick her up.
Take care of her.

Then I'll stay with her
until they do.

(CAR DOOR CLOSES)

Goodbye, Kyle. (SIGHS)

Bus comes
every 15 minutes.

Oh, shut up.

Find anything?

Not yet.

Running tests for MRSA.

You've got
everybody worried
about you quitting.

You here as my boss
or my friend?

If I was here as your boss,
you'd be suspended by now.

I've learnt a lot here.

Enough to run
my own team.

It's time I moved on.

Unfortunately,
that's how I felt last year,
and the year before that.

Maybe there's a reason
you haven't left.

You need structure
and support.

Somebody else
calling the shots.

You didn't come down here
as my boss or my friend.

You came down
as House.

You're trying to insult me
into making a decision?

(CHUCKLES)

We've both seen it work.

Either you rise to
the challenge and quit,

or you stay

as a team member.

(MONITOR BEEPING RAPIDLY)
Dr. Treiber! Dr. Treiber!

He stopped responding
when I was changing
his IV bag.

Peter, open your eyes.

Coma.

Treiber's comatose.

All brains on deck.

Where should we start?
We think you might be right.

I'm not.

You couldn't have gone
through all of these.

Don't have to.

Treiber's reports are
thorough to a fault,
his methods are fastidious.

The answer
isn't down here.

Treiber didn't
miss anything, we did.

FOREMAN: So what?
Psychosis, abdominal pain,

pleural effusions,
enlarged heart.. coma.

CHI: Autoimmune,
maybe Goodpasture's.
Kidneys are fine.

Vasculitis?
No fever.

TAUB: Lymphoma?
Would've seen it
on the heart biopsy.

Soap. It's the soap.

(SIGHS)

I blew it.

Oh, God,
here it comes.

As always.
All I wanted was
some meaningless fun,

and I couldn't
even last three days.

Sound asleep!
I'm sleep talking.

I had the chance
to fulfill
a lifelong dream.

I swear I will jump
out of this moving bus
if you don't shut up.

But instead, I sat
with a sad, old woman
for an hour and a half

who forgot I existed
three seconds after
she left.

And the stupidest thing?

I never even had a crush
on Julie Christie.

In 12th grade,
I was madly in love
with Melanie Robbins

who happened to look
exactly like Julie Christie
in Doctor Zhivago.

And she really liked me.

We played spades
every lunch period
in Mr. Charlton's classroom.

But, of course,
there was this other guy.

A great guy,
very popular.

He had a car,
he had a band,
a moustache...

Kyle Calloway.

I assumed that...

I hoped that we would go
to the senior prom together.

But she asked me
for a favor.

(LAUGHS)

She asked if I minded
if she went with him.
She asked me if I minded.

(SCOFFS)

And I said I didn't.

And that was it.

And I just
did it again.

I let it go,
like I let everything go.

And here I am,
sitting on this bus,

with tickets I bought
with my watch,

heading back home,

so a CT scan
can decide my fate.

I don't want to
go back, House.

I just... (SIGHS)

I just want to
keep being Kyle.

Kyle would've ditched
that sad, old woman
from the bus stop.

He probably would've
ditched me, too.

I can live without Kyle.

Sno Ball?

Guess this isn't heaven.

CHASE: We found out
who screwed up.

You.

It was your
industrial strength
antibacterial soap.

The additional triclosan
does two things well.

Kills MRSA, and makes
your thyroid look stupid.

It thinks the triclosan
is a real hormone
and closes up shop.

Excessive use over time,
combined with excessive
use of this,

led to hyperthyroidism,

which went undiagnosed
until it presented
with psychosis.

When the ER put you
on sedatives,

it kicked you
into myxedema crisis.

Don't know that I ever
would have thought of that.

House taught us
to look for irony.

Hey.

This wasn't House.

(SLOW POP SONG PLAYING)

My locker key.

I'll give you
your own team.

Thanks.

But it's time to
step out of the shadow.

It's about time.

(DOOR OPENS)

(DOOR CLOSES)

Any news?

Not yet.

You come here so I can
talk you out of it?

I came to say thank you.

It's been fun.

"Fun"?

Sounded pithier than,
"We've shared a variety
of situations".

Let me know
about WiIson.

(DOOR CLOSES)

WILSON:
Why did you let him go?

Legal loophole,
13th amendment.

Abraham Lincoln
may have looked great
in that hat,

but his labor policies...

House?