House (2004–2012): Season 8, Episode 13 - Man of the House - full transcript

A marriage counselor collapses during a speaking engagement, but when he is put under close evaluation, the team notice changes in his behavior that conflict with his motivational message on the roles of men and women. Meanwhile, House and his Ukrainian "wife" Dominika make a deal to convince Immigration that they are a happily married couple. Also, House decides to name a team leader.

(CROWD APPLAUDING)

Let's get back to
Phil and Diane.

Phil's been having a
hard time finding work,

and Diane wants him to
talk to her about his fear,
his disappointment.

And Phil wants Diane to
trust him, that they'll get
through this,

ideally without
having to keep
discussing feelings.

Not your exact words,
but am I wrong?

And most guys out there
are the same way.

But, ladies,
if you're feeling
frustrated, remember,

it's not our fault.

We were raised to be
strong, not emotional,



to deny vulnerability,
not embrace it.

And you know
what that makes us?

Dinosaurs.
(CROWD LAUGHS)

Nobody needs us to
hunt wild animals
for food.

Nobody needs us
to cut down trees
to build shelter.

They need us to evolve.

To catch up.

Since the 1960s,
women's roles have
shifted radically.

(STUTTERING)
And as their roles
have changed,

so have women.

Well, they've become tougher,

more demanding of us,
their partners.

And who can blame them?
Who can...

Who can...



For expecting us to

do the...

(CROWD GASPS)

MARLENE: Joe!

Joe. Joe.

We need an ambulance.

You want?
I'm good.

JESSICA: Your limp's
almost gone.

It pains me to interrupt
the collegial banter.

It pains me even more
to listen to it continue.

38-year-old man spikes a fever
and collapses during a
speaking engagement.

ER checks out blood volume,

cardiac function and
autonomic reflexes.
All normal.

Our patient makes a
living telling men to behave
more like women.

Surprised you didn't throw
psych symptoms
into the differential.

Either way, could be
a cerebral AVM.

ER did a head CT,
no sign of AVM.

Decent thought, though.

The patient's philosophy
makes perfect sense.

Its only flaw is
that it's impossible.

Evolution doesn't work
that way. You can't talk
legs onto a fish.

If we're gonna go extinct,
we're gonna do it

drinking scotch and
driving muscle cars.

Am I right?

Am I... Thank you.

Cephalic fibromuscular
dysplasia?
Doesn't explain the fever.

The patient's talking
about compromise.

If you don't think that's
possible, you don't think
relationships are possible.

Anyone in this room
in a position
to disprove that?

This guy's just playing
to his audience.

Women are by far the biggest
consumers of the
self-help industry.

He could have a
pulmonary embolism.

Clot in his lung
increases right
ventricular afterload,

drops the blood
flow to his brain.

We should do a
pulmonary angiogram.

Patient lacks major
risk factors for a PE.

Doesn't rule it out,
just makes it unlikely.

Maybe we start with a D-dimer?
Less invasive than
the angiogram.

Good idea.

Fine.

Now, I am hereby
searching for
a number two.

Which is why I'm
eating a lot of bran.

Also, I want a team
leader, someone to
fill Foreman's old job.

Why?
You're right.

We don't need any more
structure. It's not like we
had a near-fatal stabbing.

Well, if it isn't the
old ball and Ukraine.

Who's that?

His wife.

Dominika.

House, you survived prison.

And you Atlantic City.

Where they also had
gangs and pruno, but slightly
less recidivism.

I start Ukrainian food
truck business.

After gambling, win,
lose, everybody likes
a little knish.

You're here

and I seem to remember
throwing out a bunch of

certified letters
from Immigration.

I'm assuming
there's a connection.

Our green card interview
is in four days.

They come to the apartment.
They ask questions
about marriage,

vacations, family history,
what side of the bed
each sleep on.

We've never taken a vacation,
I don't like your family,
and on top.

I hear Kiev is lovely
at this time of year.

And your mother, who may or
may not be dead for all
I know, misses you.

Can it be that genius doctor
is afraid to take on a silly
government apparatchik?

I would say more not
interested than afraid,
but why quibble?

Then I go to plan B.

Make you an offer that
cannot be refused.

How long have you
been doing seminars?

The marriage counseling,
just the past couple
of years.

Before that I did
corporate coaching.

JESSICA: Can't imagine the
same advice works for
both audiences.

Guess you shifted
with the market.

There's nothing cynical
about my husband.
He and I...

It's okay. I get it.

What guy thinks
men should be more
like women?

A macho jerk who got a
big wake-up call courtesy
of three drunks

who beat the crap out of me
outside a sports bar
in Milwaukee.

I'm guessing that explains
the broken wrist in
your medical history.

Those morons did me the
biggest favor of my life.

I realized
I'd sacrificed
my health

because I couldn't
back down from an
argument over football.

Meeting Marlene
was the final piece
in the puzzle.

She changed my career,
my diet.

She gave me a whole
new direction in life.

We'll need to know exactly
how you changed your
diet and when.

Need my apartment key back.

If you're breaking up
with me, can we at least
talk about it first?

Maybe if you weren't
all nag and no shag...

I don't sleep
with married men.

I'll get a copy made.
You're an ex-con.
If you get caught

perjuring yourself to
Homeland Security, you'll end
up back in jail.

That'd be troubling if
there was the slightest chance
that we'd get caught.

You barely know each other
and you've got about
five minutes

to remake yourselves
into a convincing
married couple.

And why?

Dominika gets her green card.
What's in this for you?

This is what men do
for the women they
pretend to love.

Also she's paying me
30,000 bucks once
we pass.

Apparently, knishes
sell like hotcakes.

Lab results.

Afraid you're gonna have
to finish your nag later.

I said I think it's
stupid, right?

Then I think I'm done.

D-dimer came back
normal. Rules out
pulmonary embolism.

And our patient's a
true believer about the
follies of masculinity.

He underwent a spiritual
overhaul three years ago.

He also went off gluten
and red meat.

Unfortunately,
that doesn't explain
any of his symptoms.

One of those points
is not absurd.

What's absurd about
a change of heart?

What this guy believes
is making him
a better person.

He's going against
his baser instincts.

Base, meaning
foundational,

meaning things
we're biologically
programmed to do.

Yeah, it's perfectly
natural that he stopped
doing that stuff.

That's the kind of lapse
that could take you out of
the running for team leader.

I feel surprisingly
okay with that.

It comes with a
50 buck-a-week raise.

I'm in.

You don't want to do that.
You might need your
dignity later in life.

You didn't.

And she could be on her way
to living the dream

unless the rest of you
nut up and give her...

This spiritual overhaul.

Did it come after a
physical overhaul?

A major injury
of some kind?

TAUB: Bar fight.

But there's no way a
broken wrist explains...
Adams, come with me.

You, too.

You guys get a
copy of that made.

Did those dudes
bend your ball-sack
like Beckham?

Three years ago.
The bar fight.

This is Dr. House.
He has a theory.

Dr. Adams,
would you mind?

I asked you a question.
I assume you know the answer.

Yeah. I took a couple of
serious knees
to the groin.

But what...

What has gotten into me?

Dr. Chase.

Just pick it up.

Do you know what's
wrong with me?

Nothing that the Golden Girls
couldn't have handled
in 23 hilarious minutes.

You had a hot flash.

Those guys kicked your
guys hard enough to
do lasting damage.

You didn't even look when
presented with two reasonably
attractive tuchi.

Yeah, I said it.

I was listening
to my doctor.

People generally listen
with their ears, leaving their
eyes free to wander.

I'm guessing that your
testosterone level is
just below Bieber.

Do a blood test
to confirm, then start
hormone replacement.

It's no wonder
that you think women
are so great.

You've basically been one
for the last three years.

TAUB: Tests confirmed
House was right.

Low testosterone explains
all your symptoms.

They should go away
with replacement therapy.

We're gonna give you
a fairly high dose.

Over time, your personal
physician may reduce
it a little.

Just need you
to turn around.

Will the shots increase
his libido?

Are you worried
about that?

No.

Have you been unsatisfied?
No. No, it's just...

It's usually me that
initiates things.

Sometimes I think
maybe you aren't
that attracted to me.

Are you crazy?

With these injections,
you will see an increase
in sex drive.

Great.
Yeah.

AII done.
Okay.

(GASPS) Something's wrong.

I think I peed myself.

Is that from
the testosterone?

Couldn't be.
I don't think you're
going home just yet.

CHASE: It's not a plumbing
problem. Means it's
probably neurological.

And?

And name Dominika's
three brothers.

Volodymyr, Oleksiy and...

(GROANS)

The low testosterone
is off the table
as a symptom.

Guy got his nuts cracked three
years ago. Don't need to look
much further than that.

So his hose just happens
to spring a leak

at the same time he's in
the hospital for a totally
unrelated problem?

Fjodor.
It's Fedir.

If low testosterone means
I can't get sick with
something else,

then punch me in
the junk right now.

I would if it
weren't redundant.

Is Fedir the one
who married Mykola?

Mykola is Dominika's uncle.

How is it you can retain
every detail of our habits
and personal lives

and none of this?

I find it hard to remember
things I don't give
a crap about.

Ergo, Dominika has
one brother, and his
name is Al.

Maybe the testicular damage
set the stage for
something worse.

Multiple sclerosis causes
incontinence and progresses
faster in men with low T.

Way to stay on point.

It's that kind of leadership
that's putting you at
the head of the pack.

There is no pack.
She's the only applicant.

Well, that's settled, then.

Have your underlings do an LP

and get a cranio-spinal MRI
to check for plaques
associated with MS.

I will go tell Foreman
about your promotion.

Wait.
Wait.

CHI: So nobody cares
about the job until I apply

and suddenly it's the last
limited edition lightsaber
at Comicon?

Just seems like it should
go to someone with
more seniority.

Meaning you.

I said more, not most.

Meaning you or Taub.

House is a dictator.
Second-in-command is a
meaningless position.

Doesn't look meaningless
on my resume.

It doesn't have to be
meaningless at all.

The right person
could turn it into something,

get the department
running smoothly.

I wonder who that right
person could be.

House is the head
of the department.

It's only fair that a woman
should hold the other
position of authority.

Yeah, let's go affirmative
action on this, because then
I'll definitely win.

This is what House wants.
Wind us up and watch us fight
over an empty title.

Which would make us
extra stupid because of what
we've just been through.

We should let him choose
whoever he wants and move on.

So if these proteins are in
my spinal fluid, that means
I have MS.

The proteins may indicate MS.
There's no one
definitive test.

That's why Dr. House
ordered an MRI as well.

This is anaesthetic.

JESSICA: It's a
scary diagnosis,

but advances are being made.

Several drugs approved
just this year.

To be honest,
at the moment I'm feeling
a little more worried

about the
testosterone injections.

It's making me feel different.

Kind of amped.

I went through this big
life change, and it felt
really meaningful,

but what if it was
all just chemistry?

Loss of testosterone
could have been a factor.

But think of it as a catalyst.

It got you to re-evaluate.
Now you know what's important.

You can choose to
hold on to that.

Right?

Certainly worth trying.

Deep breath, stay very still.

Just tell House
to drop the whole
team leader thing.

That's the only way
it'll go away.

I don't think it's
such a bad idea.

A little more structure in
your department couldn't hurt.

Yeah, House is doing
this because of his
great love of structure,

not because he wants us
to turn on each other.

So, don't do that.

It makes sense to have
someone in there with a
little more accountability.

As long as it's not Adams.

She sees the whole thing
as an opportunity to remake
the department in her image.

Or Park, for obvious reasons.

And Taub's got the kids.
He's pretty busy.

Are you seriously angling
for a job that you mocked
as fake

the whole time I had it?
I don't want the job.

You just don't want
anyone else to have it.

This'll be great.

Your grandmother
is kind of sexy.

This is Taras Shevchenko,
the greatest Ukrainian poet.

Is he the guy behind
There Once Was a Man
From Kremenchuk?

Help me move coffee table.

Well, then, where
will we have coffee?

And by coffee, I mean scotch.

Coffee and booze are
artificial high. For me,
high is in exercise.

(DANCE MUSIC PLAYING)

Dance-aerobics.
Fun and good
for the butt.

(KNOCKING AT DOOR)

Amy Grant?

I know, but there's a hot girl
jumping up and down in
my living room, so...

(MUSIC STOPS)

Aww!

You have a limited amount
of time to learn a ton
of uninteresting facts.

Welcome to my wheelhouse.

You brought a protractor?

You never know
when you might need to
make a pie chart.

Looks like someone is
currying favor for the
team leader position.

Yes.

We'll be using a basic
alphabet technique with a
mnemonic multiplier.

In high school,
they called me the
Bookie Monster.

Pop quiz.

Where did you get
the candlesticks?

On three. One, two, three.

Morocco.
Denver.

Drink up. It's gonna
be a long night.

You really think this guy's
gonna Hulk out once
the hormones kick in?

Some male lizards do
push-ups to attract mates.

When scientists gave them
extra testosterone,

they did push-ups
until they died.

Same drive you
took advantage of

to get Chase to carry a
box of files down to
your car yesterday.

Periventricular and
subcortical white matter
are clean.

So you're saying masculinity
is ingrained and irrational.

I'm saying it's
pointless to try...

By extension, you're also
saying femininity is
enlightened and rational.

It's the way we should all be.
Guys just aren't
capable of it.

Brain stem and
cord are clean.

JOE: Is it okay if l
scratch my nose?

Go ahead.

I guess he doesn't have MS.

JOE: Something's wrong.

Is it your hand?
No, it's my eyes.

I'm seeing double.

CHI: Smile. It's your
honeymoon.

(CAMERA CLICKS)

So, what causes
double vision on top
of all the other symptoms?

It's not a brain tumor
or we would've seen
it on the scans.

Eye exam didn't offer
anything conclusive.

Let's do some winter shots.

Wardrobe change.

Thyroid eye disease
in conjunction
with Graves.

Thyroid level's normal.

CHASE: Check it out.

Simpson traded this in
exchange for me helping out
on some of my days off.

Quite the display of
initiative and leadership.

But you're way too
smart to fall for a blatant
bribe like that.

Or a blatant flaunting
of cleavage like those.

What happened to not
letting House get to you?

You're like lemmings
marching off the cliff of
competitive humiliation.

All I'm doing is my job.

House has indicated
that he considers
me attractive.

There's nothing wrong
with me using my strengths
to my advantage.

With an argument like that,
maybe you should just drop
down to your knees and...

I mean, unless that's
not your strength.

Big hug, big man.
It's cold out here.

At the risk of derailing
this very productive
photo shoot

and bickering session,

what about myesthenia gravis?

Extra-ocular muscle weakness
leads to double vision,

atonic bladder leads
to incontinence.

Could've been triggered
when his T got really low.

Ooh, little one.
He'd be a good pick.

Smooth.

You let the rest
of them compete,

tear each other to pieces,
then you swoop in
with the save.

Start the patient on IVIG
and plasmapheresis.

Can you handle that, please?

I need a minute.
HOUSE: Make it quick.

We're due in Memphis.

You think you want this,
but it's a bad idea.

I was gonna go Dollywood,
but I'm not sure
I can pull off that wig.

Everybody was playing nice,
and in your world,
nice doesn't solve cases.

But after what happened,
a little bonding
is a good thing.

We still have ideas,
we still argue.

Maybe it could work better
if we appreciate each other.

That's impressive. You said
that whole thing without
once moving your lips.

The ones you're
not moving.

I get it.
I won't play along with
your stupid games,

so I'm no longer
a man. Clever.

Actually, you won't play along
with my stupid games

because you're no
longer a man.

Still clever, though.
Studies have shown
that raising kids

lowers testosterone
levels in men.

The more involved you are,
the lower it gets.

Right, having kids
has neutered me.

Or maybe it's helped
me finally grow up.

How are you feeling?

As long as I keep
my eyes closed,
pretty good.

Really good, actually.
I've got energy,

I feel confident, clear.

Testosterone does tend
to perk you up.

Hey, hon, I brought
you a burger.
Really?

You're in the hospital.
Eat whatever you want.

You are the best wife ever.

I'm not just saying that
because of how great your ass
looks in those jeans.

I'm sorry, that was
a little...

No, it's okay.

A girl likes to know
she's appreciated.
Come here.

So.. I think we should talk
to Leading Lights about
seminars and DVDs.

You sure?
You were worried about
the commitment.

Yeah, there's no point
being in business
with them halfway.

You okay with that?

It's good to finally
have a decision.

Okay.

Fedir is the brother
she worries about the most,

ever since Luba passed.

Sorry, this was the closest we
could find to the cold,
soulless offices

of a government bureaucracy.

If you're not using
your office, I will.

Does Dominika still
communicate with her high
school friends?

Vasyly, yes, Oksana, no.
Not since she kissed Pavlo.

'Cause that bitch knew
that Dominika liked him.

Wrong.
Oksana is a slut,
dead to me.

The right answer is
the wrong answer.

No husband would pay
that much attention to his
wife's friend dramas.

Haven't you been
divorced three times?

In between those divorces,
I was married,

non-fraudulently,

for 12 years total,

which is 12 years
longer than anyone
in this room.

(SIGHS)

Move.

So are you going for this
team leader thing?

Probably.

You deserve it.
You have way more
experience than me.

You're giving up?

I wish. I still have a lot
of med school debt.

And my parents need help
with their mortgage.

So, I could kind of
use the money.

As of an hour ago,
I'm just seeing one
of everything.

Looks like you guys
were right about...
We'll be right back.

"I could use the money"?

You want to game me,
you've gotta do
better than that.

Chase...
You want to be a leader,

you have to know how
to manipulate.
You can't just spill...

I think the whites of
his eyes were yellow.

Everything okay?

Jaundice.

There's something wrong
with your liver.

Liver function tests confirm
his enzymes are totally
out of whack.

So much for
myasthenia gravis.

Can we hurry this up?
I have a government
to defraud at noon.

If you need to leave,
you should.

I'm fairly confident
our patient's got sarcoidosis.

Wow, you said that with
so much authority.

Did anyone else
get chills?

Just until I realized
our patient has

no sign of parenchymal
lung abnormalities,

which makes sarcoidosis
a long shot.

And bookkeeping isn't gonna
get you any farther than
the boobs.

Though in fairness,
the boobs were really,
really helping.

I still think it's
myasthenia gravis.

Did you miss the recap?
We treated for that,
the liver tanked.

But his vision got better.

The liver problems could
be a sign of celiac.

He's been back on gluten
since he's been
in the hospital.

Yesterday he had a burger.

That would've kicked his
celiac into gear, causing
the liver problems.

So your theory
is that he has two
unrelated diseases.

And he's already got
low testosterone.

I seem to remember
something about House
hating coincidences.

It's true.

I think it's Lyme disease.
One single disease named Lyme.

Without a rash?

10% of cases present
without a rash.

Lyme disease it is.
Start the patient
on antibiotics.

I have to get home
before my fake wife
gets real annoyed.

Something bothering you?

I asked the nurse
for an extra pillow.
That was half an hour ago.

Sorry, things can
get pretty hectic.

It's a pillow. I mean,
how hard can a pillow...

Listen to me,
I'm being a jerk.

Testosterone can give you
a shorter temper even
when you're not sick.

You noticed and adjusted.
That's a good thing.

MARLENE: Hey.

Just got a call
from our lawyer.

You changed our counter
to Leading Lights?

You deserve proper billing
and a salary bump
in the second term.

We talked about this.
We decided it wasn't worth
potentially blowing the deal.

It'll be fine.

I've got to get
some work done.

These are such
pretty flowers
you buy for me.

Every Friday from
Japanese florist,

on corner of Edison
and Conway.
There's just one more thing.

With this ring,

I thee wedded.

You left it here when you
skipped town with
your boyfriend.

You kept the rings?

Actually, I tried to trade
them to a hooker for
unspecified favors.

But it turns out she
doesn't accept zinc.

Like modern fairy tale.

(KNOCKING AT DOOR)

Dr. and Mrs. Gregory House?
Yeah.

Nate Weinmann,
U.S. Immigration.

Welcome to our home.

Give him time.

When I was 14,
there was a girl l
wanted to impress.

So I jumped off the roof
of her house.
Broke my ankle.

Joe's basically going
through puberty.

It'll take him a
while to adjust.

I tracked down a video
from one of Joe's
business coaching seminars

from before I knew him.

JOE: (ON COMPUTER) I'm hearing
a lot about the value
of compromise.

But we don't live on
Sesame Street. We live
in the real worId,

the business world.

If you're not a winner,
you're a loser.

If you aren't comfortable
with that,

go open a pottery studio.

I never would have gone out
with the guy in this video.

Do you remember
the last time she
visited Vasyl?

Uh... Let me see.
That would be August?

No, no, July.

I remember.
It was right after
our half anniversary

and I forgot to put
a gift in her suitcase.

And I never heard
the end of that one.

House specialty.

I made up this pun.

(LAUGHS)

Thank you.

Honey, why do you do
this to me? You know I'm
watching my weight.

Then maybe you stop eating
cheese in front of open fridge
in middle of the night.

(LAUGHS)

WEINMANN: This is delicious.
Thank you.

So, everything looks
good in here.

I'm just gonna step
out and get a
corroborating interview

from one of the neighbors.
Neighbors?

It's middle of the day,
I think everybody is at work.

Yeah, then they're
at work. I just got a
form to check off,

and you will be on
your way to
permanent status.

(DOOR OPENS)

WEINMANN: Excuse me, sir.
Do you have a minute?

(IN BRITISH ACCENT) How can
I help you?

Do you know
Dr. and Mrs. House?

Of course. They've been
my neighbors about
two years now.

Lovely couple.

I see them almost every night.

They seem always
to be together.

Great. Thanks for your help.

Cheerio.

Hey, what are you doing?
That's my door.

Handing out menus for
a new Chinese place.

You're that guy that plays
noisy video games with House
on Saturday nights.

There's a simple explanation.

Be at my office
tomorrow at 10:00.

The patient's shown
zero improvement.

Because he's only been
on the antibiotics overnight.

Or because he doesn't
have Lyme disease.

Where are you?
HOUSE: (ON PHONE)
Just chilling

at U.S. Citizenship
and lmmigration,

waiting on my fraud
interview with my wife
and my attorney.

No big.
House.

Hang up.

I still think it's myasthenia
gravis plus celiac.

His change in diet
has to be significant.

We just need to do an
intestinal biopsy
to confirm.

With his low platelet count,
a biopsy puts him at risk
for an abdominal bleed,

which puts him
at risk of death.

(HOUSE HANGS UP)

(HANGS UP)

Either you're done
or you're walking in there
without a lawyer.

(CELL PHONE RINGING)

I know, it sounds
like a phone,

but it's a timer.
To remind me to pee
before our meeting.

Hello, old chap.

You need to save yourself.

I was up last night,
trying to find another
angle, but I can't.

Tell Immigration
you were in love
with Dominika,

but your marriage fell apart.
And that's why you haven't
been living together.

She'll be deported.
Permanently.

House, I know you like
Dominika, you have fun with
her, but you got caught.

There's no getting
out of this.

The best you can hope for
is that you don't
go back to jail.

Tell my team to skip
the biopsy and give the
antibiotics more time.

They're ready for us.

I drew a line in the sand
and I won. We should
be celebrating.

Do you need a few minutes?
I'd rather keep
getting better.

That's just it.

You won. You made a demand
that could have
blown up the deal

and you never even asked me.
The deal didn't blow up,
they caved.

Joe, you say it in your
seminars. Process matters just
as much as results.

Are you seriously busting
my chops because I made
one little move without you?

How about stepping aside

and letting me be the man
in this relationship
for a change?

I really can't talk
to you right now.

I don't know
why I said that.

Just, I got so angry.

Hopefully after this dose,

you'll start to feel better
and we can get you home.

But I'd like to do
one more test.

The testimony of one angry,
near-sighted neighbor

shouldn't outweigh all
other evidence.
Photos, utility bills...

Yes. Because your
clients would never
fake anything.

We acknowledge the neighbor
thing was a mistake,
but that doesn't mean

that all the other
documentation should just
be thrown out.

Look, look, I get that it's
your job to act like there's a
case here, but shut up.

USCIS will be denying
Ms. Patrova's green
card application.

You'll be referred to
lmmigration Court for
deportation proceedings.

And we're gonna inform
your parole officer about
evidence of fraud.

So, unless anybody has
anything else to add...

Please, I am begging,
do not send him back to jail.

Maybe we have not
lived together all
these months...

Mrs. House,
I have to advise you
not to continue.

This man and I,
did we marry for love?

No. But this past week,
we have a lot of fun,

working really hard to fool
U.S. government. Right?

Don't answer that.
Way ahead of you.

It was fake,

but it felt real.

Maybe because it become real.

This man.

My husband.

I want to stay with him, but
if I cannot, please send me
away and let him be free.

I love him.

I didn't buy a word you said.

But a judge might.

I'm gonna let you stay.

But for the next six months,
I'm gonna hold
on to this file.

And our investigators are
gonna show up unannounced at
6:00 a.m., 11:00 at night,

and they better find
the two of you sitting
on the couch,

watching NCIS,
eating ice cream from
the same spoon.

Or both of you will be sent
to places far less
pleasant than New Jersey.

What you just said in there...

Don't worry. I am much
too smart to be falling
in love with you.

I will be needing extra
shelf in bathroom.

(DOOR OPENS)

Abdominal biopsy showed
flattened villi. Looks like
you were right about celiac.

You do remember Chase
got stabbed doing a test
House didn't order.

Good comparison, since both
patients were tweaked
on steroids.

You only did this
to score points over
Chase and Park.

We were right.
I proved it and the patient
didn't bleed out.

Why are you being
a jerk about this?

Let's go see if
House is back.

(PAGERS BEEPING)

Patient's having
trouble breathing.

So much for celiac.

His breathing is stabilized,

but his lung function
is at 60% and his
liver is tanking.

And he has major symptoms
of celiac without actually
having celiac.

Could be Whipple's.

Doesn't explain
the incontinence.

Intestinal lymphoma?

Doesn't explain
the double vision.

Any time you
want to jump in.

Is dance-aerobics
even a thing?

I hear it's good
for the butt.

JESSICA: What about a
parasitic infection?

Strongyloides is known
to damage the
small intestine...

In this country he's
about as likely to get
that as win Powerball.

Someone does
win Powerball.
Every week.

The patient went to
Puerto Rico a few
months ago.

One of the few places
in the U.S. you can pick
up strongyloides.

Treatment is ivermectin.

We give that to someone with
liver problems, he could have
seizures, or worse.

Do it.

I'm hearing a lot
about the value of compromise.

But we don't live on
Sesame Street. We live
in the real...

I was wondering if maybe
we overlooked a symptom,
or something.

Makes perfect sense if you're
the patient, and pantywaist
is the symptom.

Adams and I both thought
the patient could have celiac,

but only she was willing to
go out on a limb and
run the test. I gave up.

Now you're in here
watching a motivational
speech.

Even your attempt
to get your balls
back lacks balls.

JOE: ...world, the
business world.

If you're not a winner,
you're a loser.

His voice, it's lower
than it is now.

If only there was a good
reason for a professional
speaker to be hoarse.

...go open a pottery studio.

Good point.

It's not a good point.
It's a decent point.

You're doing it again.

You got any other videos,
other seminars?
A couple.

When you see a weakness,
that's a time for strength.

A lot of people say, ''l feel
bad about it. '' The other guy
made a mistake...

You bailed too early.

Now I get all the credit.

That kind of thinking is
what makes you...

Chronic hoarseness is a
symptom of a condition
called silent thyroiditis.

But I'm not hoarse.

Exactly. But you were,
three years ago.

Silent thyroiditis
comes and goes.

And it, in turn,
is a symptom

of Polyglandular Autoimmune
syndrome, type 3.

Which makes this
is a really bad idea.

PAS-3 attacks
the body's own
endocrine system,

moving from gland to gland.

It started in the
thyroid, then,

probably helped along
by your low testosterone,

moved on to the gut.
TAUB: Where it caused
celiac disease,

or it would've,
if you weren't on a
gluten-free diet.

I was right.

This is incredibly relevant.

HOUSE: Eventually PAS-3
attacked your thymus gland.

You developed myasthenia
gravis, which landed
you in here.

Then you started eating
gluten, which only made
things worse.

So, am I gonna
be okay?

We'll treat the various
conditions with high-dose
steroids.

Assuming they respond,
you'll be fine.

And the testosterone?

Kicked in the nuts is
kicked in the nuts.

HOUSE: Over the past week,
you have all had good
moments and bad.

No one candidate
has prevailed.

So now we embark upon
a contest of medical strength,

stamina and skill.

Can we just get
this over with?

If the competitor representing
Australia would like to
take a point deduction,

he should by all means
continue yapping.

Your glee is on the verge
of making this not worth
it for any of us.

Can I at least
light the torch?

Hurry.

I declare open the games
of the number one
number two competition.

Je déclare ouvert...

All right.
Ready, set, suture!

T-time.

What happens if
I don't take it?

Or at least, go to a
much lower dose.

Are you having side effects?

No, I feel great.

Faster.. clearer.

More like myself.

But my marriage and my career,

they're both built
on me being somebody else.

Low testosterone can
cause depression and
problems sleeping.

It's also been linked
to conditions such as
osteoporosis and diabetes.

It will make your life harder
and more dangerous,

on top of all the meds
you'll be taking.

I'll take that risk.

I'm a better man
without it.

Well, this certainly has
brought more structure
to the department.

Really, I'm just excited
for the wheelchair race.

You were smart not to enter.

Never in.. never lose.

And since you no
longer have stones...

I'll split the 50
a week with you.

Deal.

(LOUD DANCE MUSIC PLAYING)

Honey, I'm home!