House (2004–2012): Season 8, Episode 1 - Twenty Vicodin - full transcript

A year has passed since House crashed his car into Cuddy's home, and we find House spending time behind bars at the East New Jersey Correctional Facility under the close watch of the prison...

Given goodish
behavior

and eight of
12 months time served,

we have the discretion
to grant parole
Friday the 10th.

five days from now.

Are you sorry about
what you did?

Yes.

Yes?

That's the correct answer,
isn't it?

Are you trying
to annoy us?

No. I'm just trying to
give you the answers you
need to cover your asses,

fill out your forms
and let me out of here.



We need you to
show us remorse.

Is that how our system works?

Release the best actors?

I shudder to think
what that world
would be like.

You drove your car into
your ex-girlfriend's house

and then fled the country
for three months.

I knew that her daughter
was at grandma's,
like every Friday.

And I saw everyone else
move into the living room...

They could have moved back.

Which I would have noticed
since I was driving
right towards them.

Shut up.

We got an order to
reduce overcrowding.

But let me be clear.

You mouth off to one guard,



we catch you with
a single cafeteria tray
in your cell,

you break any rules
I don't even remember,

you can park your ass here
for four more months.

So forget being sorry.
Can you stay out of trouble
for five days?

Yes.

(PRISONERS
TALKING INDISTINCTLY)

Gather up for meds.

Asofa.

Yeah.

Why you keep
helping him out?

Yeah. Why would
I wanna make sure

that my homicidal
cell mate is taking
the right anti-psychotics?

House.

Mendelson.

He's on 80 milligrams
of propranolol, this is 40.

You're right. Sorry.

No worries. I like
my nurses naughty.

HOUSE: You know, I'm starting
to think. Mendelson,

you just really like
the taste of my spit.

(LAUGHING)

Hey, House,
check out
our new brand.

You've really got a thing
for swastikas, Mendelson.

Like an ironic thing?

It's a German name.

So is House,
and I'm Jewish.

Nah. I'm a black,
gay gypsy.

Knight to
king's bishop three.

Queen to
king's bishop seven.

Hey. You're
House, right?

I got these weird
pains in my elbows
and in my knees.

You know what's weirder
is how the clinic
is a large room,

and you somehow
confused me with it.

Well, to be fair,
I am large.

Hi, Rollo.

I realize
this is probably
a rhetorical question.

Why are you
stealing my stuff?

Hey, House. I heard
you're on short time.

You won't need this.

You heard
about my parole.

But not about my
violent reactions when
people steal my tuna.

Put it back.
Nuh-uh.

Really?

You're stepping to
a guy who outweighs
you by 50 pounds

and who is carrying
a cane which, while
prison-approved.

will still cause some
issues if inserted
into your colon.

Yeah, like you
losing your parole.

And you ain't gonna
rat me out neither.

'cause you don't wanna get
a snitch jacket and wind up
shanked in the showers.

So you're just gonna
let me walk out of here.

You wanna get back
at these guys,

get out alive on Friday.

(BUZZING)

Okay? Now,
go to work, House.

And that was
checkmate, right?
Yep.

I heard you're on
that short time, House.

If you like tuna,
you're a little late.

I want your stereo
and your headphones.

(URINATING)

It can wait till
you finish your work.

Drop it off in my cell.

(THERMOMETER BEEPS)

99.9. I'm gonna start
him on ceftriaxone.

Good catch. I might
have missed that.

It's not gonorrhea.

I didn't say it was.

Not out loud. You're just
figuring a joint pain plus
fever plus a low lifestyle

equals a ceftriaxone
prescription.

NICK: So you saying
I got the clap?

I've only been
in here one week,
my girlfriend's clean.

I ain't got
a girlfriend in here.

How do you know
about ceftriaxone?

House used to be a doctor.

Not going back.

And that look of shock
is elitist and offensive.

Doctors can
be degenerates.
This is America.

There's subtle eyebrow loss.

It's lupus.

Well, there's no discoid
or malar rash on his face.

Which would be dispositive
if he was just a giant head.

He's got a point, but
I'll let you make the call.

No, there's no reason to
search for a bodily rash

since lupus doesn't
usually present that way.

"Usually"?

Well, I guess
that's good enough
for prison work.

You don't write people up
for mouthing off, do you?

(SCOFFS)

Not usually.

You don't want to
mess with Stomper.

He didn't get that name
because he's a fan
of Santa's reindeer.

You think one
of Santa's reindeer
was called Stomper?

You're missing my point.

I'm not gonna listen to a guy
who can't name the reindeer.

You saw what happened
in the yard with Diaz.

He barely said a couple
of words and set the boy off.

Oh, no.

I know that look.

Hey, Stomper.
Where's my stereo?

I brought it to your cell.
It ain't there.

I was just getting
to that part.

Rollo followed me in
and took it.

No way Rollo
diss me like that.
Way.

I don't want to start
any rumors, but...
But what?

He was all,
"I can take Stomper."

and I was all,
"How come?"

And he was all,
"'Cause of how Diaz
kicked his ass last month."

In fact, he actually
called you "Stompee,"
with an "E."

I think his gist was...

STOMPER:
You took my stereo?

ROLLO: Get out
of my house. Stomper,
I ain't got no stereo.

What's this, then?

What? I didn't
put that there!

You gonna lie to my face,
you lying son of a bitch!

What?
I didn't do anything!

Next time
I will take your stereo!

GUARD: That's enough!

ROLLO: Ow!

(ALARM BUZZING)

(JAZZ PLAYING ON HEADPHONES)

That was stupid.

HOUSE: Is that
like a synonym
for "clever"?

Time they get
out of solitary,

I'll be teaching physics
at the University of Fiji.

You have
four days left.

How many more tricks
do you got?

(CRICKET CHIRPING)

Don't.

Another pet?

This is gonna end
badly. Again.

Remember,
we talked about this?

Or at least I talked
and you stared at me eerily?

I think it was eerily.
Eerily felt like
the best-case scenario.

HOUSE: Hey.

Take off your shirt
so I can find the rash.

Now you wanna help me?

'Cause that doctor
didn't believe you?

Well, if you could think of
a better way to prove that
she's an idiot, I'm all ears.

Now, let's get
this over with.

Yeah.

That's Nicole.

She lives at her mom's
now, on account that
she lost her job.

Her mom hates me,

so she can't visit,
she ain't accepting
my calls.

That's what happens
when you date
a 12-year-old.

You don't believe me?

Belief implies a level
of giving a crap that
I'm never gonna achieve.

Pull down your pants.

Hey.

It's not that I was
trying to prove you're
an idiot or anything.

but lupus boy and I were
at the beach this morning,

and I noticed a rash
on his left thigh.

I checked you out.

You were a pretty big deal.

What went wrong?

Something very obvious
and very boring.

Drug related?

Forging prescriptions?

You're good.

Just like lupus boy will be,
when you start him
on prednisone.

Name should have been
a giveaway. I'll send him up.

Why are you so sure
I'm gonna do what you say?

Because you're a smart,
old money trust-fund girl
who took this job

because your liberal
ideology makes you want
to make a difference,

but you're already
getting bored, and
this is interesting.

Why would you
say any of that?

Your shoes.

A different, expensive pair
every day, but never leather.

Which means you're
both rich and liberal.

Antique locket that's
unpolished gold, not
some hipster thing.

It's a family heirloom,
which means old money.

Osler scarf, only on Fridays,

which means you did
your residency at Hopkins.

Which means you're smarter
than our interactions
would so far indicate.

And your eyes.

The only time you haven't
looked bored in the three
months since you've been here

is when we've been
discussing this diagnosis.

So, yeah, you'll
treat him for lupus.

(KNOCKS ON DOOR)

House.

He wants you.

MENDELSON: Parole?

You didn't tell me.

I didn't want
a big emotional scene.

You know what the rules are.

On short time, tax goes up.

How many do you want?

All of them.

Come on, Mendelson.
I should be on six a day.

I get four
and I give you two.

Fine.

I'll get one in my cell
after lights out,

plus Wednesday, Thursday,
Friday. That's 11 in all.

I count 20.

You knew on Monday,
you get out Friday.
Five days.

Should have told me earlier.

They give out
four a day, max.

You'll figure something out.

You're a creative guy.

What if I just go into
protective custody

and spend the next
three days in the hole?

You could PC up.

But then you'll get out.

And unlike you. I got
friends on the outside.

Porter.

Doc. What you need?

I'm running a special
on grilled cheese this week.

I got some new
girly mags, too.

I was thinking
of something
more Vicodinny.

At least 16, and I
need them Friday at noon.

Man, that's pricey,
but it can be done.

How about you have
one of your peeps
on the outside

send $200 to my boy
up in Trenton?

I am peepless.

This is just you
haggling, right?
No.

You ever seen me
chatting on the phone?
Taking visitors?

All right. I'm gonna
have to clean you out.

I'm gonna need to see some
tuna, I'm gonna need to
see some stamps, stereo...

Just give them to me
as soon as you can.

(NICK GROANS)

(BREATHING HEAVILY)

What happened?

I was trying to
use the phone, I just...

I just got jostled
a little, that's all.

Who hit you?

No. I just... I just
bumped into the wall.

(CRIES OUT IN PAIN)

It's not lupus.

Is that good?

Does it feel good?

(SIGHS)

ASOFA: Sick.

HOUSE: No, I'm just going
through a bit of withdrawal.

I'm trying to survive
on one a day for
the next few days.

No.

Fix him.

It's not lupus.
He broke his arm.

Or it is lupus,
and he was in a fight.

He was in a jostle.

Because if he admits
he was in a fight,
then he goes to the hole.

That's why he'd lie
to the guards. He's got
no reason to lie to me.

Oh.

See? There are
those eyes again.

How about a viral
syndrome or MRSA?

No, wouldn't chew up
the bone that fast.

But reaction to meds could.

May I?
May you what?

Make me lose my job
by showing you
a patient file?

But why don't you assume
no recent meds?

How long can I assume
that he's been smoking,

based on his yellow fingers?

You're thinking
lung cancer, metastatic.

I'll x-ray him on Friday.

We share a traveling
x-ray machine with
two other clinics.

I'm out of here on Friday.
He's not.

Well, but if he throws
a clot and strokes out,

you can use the x-ray
to do the autopsy.

Start him on blood thinners.

Very interesting practice
you must have run.

No need for tests,
no need for proof?

Where are you going?
To the proof store.

You were right
about Nicole.

About me not caring?
I thought so.

It wasn't her mom.
It's her.

She doesn't want
to talk to me.

Please. I'm trying to
listen to your lungs,
not your self-pity.

Cancer can wait.

Hey, you heading out
to the yard?
Mmm-hmm.

Mind trying to
find me a cricket?

The old swap trick.

You don't think
that'll piss off
your cellie even more

when he figures
it's a different bug?

I'll dress them the same,
like in Vertigo.

I'll try. But they spray
so much pesticides, I'm
surprised we're alive.

Good point.

Hey.

How's it coming?

It ain't.

Confederates be giving
themselves spanking new tats.

They putting a claim
on all my Vicodin.

Now I love you and all,
my brother,

but not as much as
I love my gang of crazy,
roided out Nazi bitches.

Now try an inch
to the left.

Hear the difference?
Yeah.

It's called
an acoustical shadow.

Means he's got a tumor.

How did you fin that
without a stethoscope?

I didn't even know
you could do this.

Start the blood thinners.

So I for sure
got lung cancer?

No.
Yeah.

All you've proven is there's
an anomaly in his chest.

Which means your
initial diagnosis
could still be right?

Which, apparently,
really bugs you.

I could do a clotting test.

That's a good idea.

JESSICA: We're just gonna
cut your earlobe a bit and
check back in two minutes.

If there's a little blood
bubbling up, that's normal.

But if it's
completely clotted,
it may indicate cancer.

Okay? Ready?

Are you really
leaving medicine?

What are you gonna do?

You know, for someone who asks
as many favors as you do,

you sure don't make any effort
to win me over.

Before I went to med school,
I thought about getting
a PhD in physics.

You ever heard of dark matter?

The way galaxies rotate,
the motion of the universe,

it means there's six times
more stuff than we can detect.

It's been theorized,
but no one's ever
proved it exists.

So you'd want to research it?

Why?
It's the greatest
mystery there is.

Theory of everything.

And completely divorced
from humanity.

Me and humanity,
we got together too young.

You have a gift.

There is something
in this world you are
undeniably great at.

You can read people.
You understand them.

You gotta go back
to medicine.

Well, if that gift is related
to what brought me here,

you'll understand
why I'd wanna check
the returns policy.

Hey! Is this
supposed to happen?

Cool.

Jiminy didn't chirp
much last night.

If it's a disease,
he's six inches under.

But this could also
be pesticide poisoning,

which bicarbonate of soda
has been used to treat.

See? Just so much,
and no more.

Mmm.

This is where
you say thank you.

Or I say thank you
for not killing me.

Thank you.

Hey.

The x-ray didn't show
any tumors. The acoustical
shadow was just a lipoma.

I'm thinking...
You all right?

I'm fine.

Ibuprofen?

It's not gonna help.

You can look at
the patient file if you want.

You trust me?

Any reason I shouldn't?

You're really not
good at reading people,
are you? Or buildings.

People are complicated.

And people change.

Not that much to the first
and not at all to the second.

But if it'll
get me the file...

If we add clotting
disorder to the symptoms,
it's gotta be a toxin...

This guy's the only
one with symptoms.

It's either gotta be
his cell or his workstation.

The laundry. So maybe
a solvent or detergent?

Can you get me an escort
to gather samples?

Dr. Adams.

Why does this man
have a file?

You need to get cotton swabs.

Not now. I got
something to do.

You're a prisoner
on tier time.

By definition, you
have nothing to do.

I'm gonna call her family,
her friends, her work.

I'm gonna get
through eventually.

You're moving slower,
you're getting weaker.

This thing is attacking
your bones, your joints,
your blood.

Look, my girl's
more important.

She's not your girl,
you idiot!

She was the girlfriend
of a loser drug dealer.

You think she's got
the self-control to wait
around for three years?

You think she should?

There's a reason
we're locked away from
nice, normal people.

Your life outside is over.

Your friends, your girl,
everyone you worked with,

they've moved on.

Get out of my house.

Get out!

(PUNCHES WALL)

Where's Sykes?
Off at his other clinics.

Great. I'm gonna go
to the laundry.

Give me some swabs...
No.

What? He yelled at you
for letting me see the file.

You'll get over it.
Few years of therapy maybe...

Why did you lie to me
about what you were in for?

Okay, so I drove a car
into a wall instead of
stealing some pills.

You obviously don't care
what I did, you care
that I lied to you.

You feel jilted.
I feel stupid.

It doesn't even make sense.
Why are you doing time?

You didn't have any priors.
You didn't hurt anyone.

I had a bad lawyer.

I'm sorry.

We can't talk about
this case any more.

We hear you're gonna need
an incentive to get
all my pills by tomorrow.

I can't get all 20,
but once I get out...

Give us a minute.

Why do you think
I'm on buspirone?

The stress.

I get the runs
almost every day.

Any sign of weakness,
20 guys would line up

to stick a sharpened-up
toothbrush in my eye.

So as much as my
better nature, really,
wants to give you a pass,

it just wouldn't be
good for my health.

See you tomorrow.

I need your help.

You got any matches?

No. That's serious
contraband.

What are you
planning to do?

How about a stick of gum?

Sure.

I'm gonna need that, too.

Why?

Why do I need the pen

that you always carry around
and never write with?

This is plan B.

What happened to your cheek?

What is it?

(FIRE ALARM BLARES)

A fire?

House, we gotta evacuate
this area. Come on.

NICK: Hey, House.

You were saying something
about how I should,
like, swab or...

You're confusing me
with the clinic again.

What, you're
abandoning me?

As soon as you leave, I am.

Why? What changed?

I'm just done.
No you, medicine,
fixing people. Done.

Now, get out.
No.

Your lips are swelling.

Open your mouth.

Did you just eat something?

Meatloaf, potatoes,
coffee...

You allergic to anything?

Guard!

You're going into
anaphylactic shock.

Guard!

Damn it.

I gotta make a hole,
so you can breathe.

(FLUSHES)

ALVAREZ: House,
get away from him!

He's having
an allergic reaction.
He can't breathe.

Lie on the ground
with your hands
behind your head.

Alvarez, look at
what I'm doing.
It's a tracheotomy.

Come on, man.
You know I'm a doctor.

(INHALES)

What's wrong with him?

I have no idea.

(CRICKET CHIRPING)

(BREATHING HEAVILY)

Saving us both from
contraband charges.

(TOILET FLUSHING)

It's been great knowing you.

(KNOCKING ON DOOR)

I need to be taken into
protective custody.

Wow, that was great.

I think I really dodged
a bullet there.

You don't need PC?

Nothing personal.
We'll reschedule.

Rain check, I promise.

It wasn't the food.

It was the heat.

It's mastocytosis.

Could be set off by
hot liquids, like the
coffee he just drank.

Masto's usually
a skin disease.
"Usually"?

It can hit any organ.

Joint pain, osteopenia
and anaphylaxis,
eyebrow loss.

It fits.

It's a possibility.
I'll run some blood tests.
Thank you.

No. No! It's almost
impossible to confirm
masto with blood work.

Just give him five aspirin.

If he has masto,

he'll go into anaphylactic
shock and won't be able
to breathe again.

You do understand
the meaning of
the word "confirm".

I'll do it.

I almost died in that cell.

House, you're in here

because you think you
can do whatever you want,
whenever you want.

You can't.
And neither can l.

The ACLU would have
my job, my license,
maybe even my house

if I do an unauthorized,
experimental...

But if it is masto...
It's not.

Well, what do you have to lose
by giving him the aspirin?

I'm not taking the risk.

It's his risk to take.

If he has another attack
and there isn't a doctor
in the next cell,

he could die.

For one second, will you
stop covering your ass
and do the test?

I think House is right.

No.

You're a moron and a coward.
I'll do it myself.

Guard.

You're done here,

just like every other place
you've ever set foot
in your life.

If I ever see you
in here again,

I will write you up
and they will revoke
your parole.

JESSICA:
Dr. House.

Did you get all the
Vicodin you needed?

I'm not an idiot.

That fire, that bruise
on your face.

I talk to prisoners, I know
about exit taxes. You're
clearly getting squeezed.

I need 20.

And let me back in the clinic
when Sykes is gone.

I'll take care of Nick.
You can't
if you're not willing.

Just take care of yourself.

Well done.

I knew if you'd learned
nothing else in here,

you'd learned the smart thing
is to fall in line.

You're absolutely right.

Hey! Hey! Hey!

I need back-up here.

Hey! Hey!
Son of a bitch!

You gotta get past me
before solitary,
you hear me?

Come on. Come on!

Thanks for getting me
to the clinic.

Take him out.

I got only two years
left in my stretch.

Take him out.

HOUSE: C.O.!
Need a little help here!

I need back-up! I need
back-up! Without back-up
there will be a fight here.

Alvarez!

ALVAREZ: Sullivan,
back off!

Mendelson, you'll be
held responsible!

Hey. I'm just
playing solitaire.

Hands behind your head.

On the ground!

You are so lucky.

We got a guy in an ambulance
heading to Princeton General.

Another dozen getting
ear gas hosed off them.

Hey, sit down!

Back off!

Sit down!

Where's the aspirin?

Oh, God. Did you get
beaten up on purpose?

House. What are you doing?

Hey!

GUARD: House, open up.
This is a direct order.

Yeah, it's always
a direct order.

Eight months, and
I haven't heard an
indirect order in here.

Dr. Adams!

They're gonna revoke
your parole.

They're gonna charge you with
extra crimes. You'll be here
six more months, minimum.

Sorry, distracted.

You were saying?

I checked your file.
You didn't have a bad lawyer,

you had no lawyer.

You took the first deal
they offered you because
you wanted to punish yourself.

You think getting beaten up,

you think saving this one guy
will wipe your slate clean?

No.

Then why are you doing this?
Because I have a gift.

Once you drink this,
you should get an attack
almost immediately.

That is, if I am right.

You just bought yourself
months in solitary.

Was it really worth it?
If I'm wrong, no, it wasn't.

No! No! No! Get the cup!
Get the cup!

Drink it! Drink it!

DR. SYKES: No! Grab the cup!

GUARD: Hands behind your back.

What were you thinking?
I don't know. I...

I was... I was scared.

No!

You're fired.

You're beyond fired.

You're completely
un-hirable anywhere.
Do you understand that?

Yes. Now shut up
and let's see if
he has an attack.

HOUSE: Come on.
Just a little more time.

DR. SYKES:
Get him out of here.

(DOOR OPENING)