House (2004–2012): Season 7, Episode 6 - Office Politics - full transcript

It's election season, and in the midst of a tight campaign, an incumbent New Jersey senator's campaign manager falls ill with liver failure and temporary paralysis. Cuddy pushes House to ...

This election day,

the fate of our borders
is in your hands.

John Moreno wants to invite illegal
immigrants into our country.

He wants to give them our jobs.

He wants to give
them our healthcare.

John Moreno wants to give
them the American dream

and he wants you to pay for it.

"Whose side is he really on?

It's a valid question.

He favors easing restrictions.

So do I.



Come on, Hal, your position
on work visas is irrelevant.

He's talking about
a path to citizenship.

I'm telling you.
This ad wins you the election.

By insulting one of
my core constituencies?

Come on, in '04, I had
45% of the Latino vote.

And this year, you're running
against a guy named Moreno.

This isn't one of your races in
South Carolina or Oklahoma, Joe.

This is New Jersey.
People vote for me because I'm a moderate.

Well, that's great.

You can be the most moderate
ex-senator in the country.

Hal, the election
is seven days away

and even our own internals
show you down six points.

We've always been the underdog

and we've always
found a way to win.



I know, because you have always let
me do what's needed to be done.

Now, I can have this
on the air tomorrow.

No, no.

Come on, Hal, let me do this.

No, absolutely not.
This could totally galvanize the left.

You all right, Joe?

Yeah, I think I got
some kind of a rash.

What the hell?

That's not a rash.

Maybe I should call a doctor.

Better call an ambulance.

Look at it like this,

of all the ways to rupture it,

nothing honors
the real Achilles more

than blowing the
dismount on a keg stand.

What's that smell?

Onions? Peppers?

Oh, I know.
It's a sausage-fest.

Sausage-fest
implies multiples.

Now if you're talking
yardage, I'd have to agree.

I'm talking about
your department.

You still haven't
replaced Thirteen.

It's coming along.

You've had plenty of
time to find someone.

I've found plenty of someones,
just haven't kept them.

It's time to end the cycle.

Meet your new team member.

Her name is
Martha M. Masters.

This doctor is not a doctor.

She's a third-year
med student.

She graduated high school
when she was 15.

She filled out the
time before med school

getting PhDs in both applied
math and art history.

Should be incredibly useful if my
next patient is an Escher drawing.

Those things are
seriously screwed up.

This isn't a suggestion.

Just because my sausage
has been filling your bun

doesn't mean you get to decide

what flavor chips
I nosh on during the day.

No. I get to do that
because I'm your boss.

Patient is Joe Dugan, 42,
political consultant.

Presents with palpable purpura

and ALT and AST
are through the roof.

Otherwise known as rash and liver damage.
Fascinating.

Senator Anderson
sent this case to us

and personally requested
we take a look.

That's reason enough for me.

Black guy campaigning
for the opposition?

Does Obama know about this?

I tried calling him on the Brother Hotline.
He didn't pick up.

Martha M. Masters?

I'm Dr. House.
This is the rest of the team,

Boring, Bimbo
and Bite-Size.

Martha enjoys quadratic
equations, Italian frescos,

and her turn-ons include
"learning to be a doctor."

Take a seat.

She's a med student?

Cuddy thinks she's
some kind of genius.

Say something brilliant.

Oh, I don't...

Capital of Azerbaijan.
Baku.

Year Beethoven died.
1827.

Twentieth decimal
of Euler's number.

Six.

It's my favorite constant.

She's like the Internet
with breasts.

No, wait,
the Internet has breasts.

Our patient's liver
damage explains the rash

and cryoglobulins
we found in his blood,

but we can't explain
the liver damage.

He shows no other signs
of drug or alcohol abuse...

Now all you've got
to do is figure out

which one is Bimbo
and which one is Bite-Size.

Also which monster truck won
the 2004 Thunder Nationals?

Hep C makes sense.

Test came back negative,
same for Hep A and B.

The answer we were looking
for is Virginia Giant.

Feel free to chime in
on either conversation.

Hate to steal the spotlight
from Small Wonder over here,

but what about toxic exposure?

Tetrachloroethylene.

Could even be pennyroyal
or sassafrass oil.

Go to his house,
get me some chemicals.

If you wanna stay on this team,

have an opinion.

Oh, cool.

Tudor revival architecture.

Steeply pitched asymmetrical
roof over the entrance.

But it doesn't have the
half-timbering over the facade.

Doesn't say anything
about medicine.

Can't shut up about
architecture. Great.

I know.
I don't know what happened.

Being around House...
He's such a legend, he's so intimidating.

I'm not like that
around ordinary people.

Oh, not that you guys
are ordinary.

It's just that
he's so brilliant

and you work under him,
so you're not as imposing...

I'm gonna be quiet.
Good idea.

Dugan didn't give you a key?

If patients know we're coming,

they can hide something
relevant to their illness,

intentionally or
unintentionally.

Their knowledge changes things.

Are you a vampire?

It's okay.
We're inviting you in.

But our patient didn't.

I can't do this.
I'm sorry.

Well, she's gonna
be a big help.

Yeah, what a rube,
being uncomfortable

breaking into
a stranger's house.

It's part of
our job description.

Not the most
morally ambiguous part.

Give her a chance.
She's fresh, enthusiastic,

has no bad habits
we need to re-teach.

She's a med student with
no practical experience.

That means every procedure,
every blood draw,

she needs one of us
there to supervise.

Is this attitude about her not having an M.
D. After her name?

Because I wonder if it has more
to do with her being a brainiac.

That's not it at all.

I'm not thrilled
someone else might be

the smartest person
on the team now.

I can only imagine
how you feel.

You're not smarter than me.
Oh, yeah?

You find this?

A jug of unpasteurized cider.

Could be tainted with E coli.

That's what's causing
the liver to shut down.

E coli is found in animals.

So unless he's
drinking pork cider...

Pork cider.

I need the number
of the patent office.

There are indirect ways
of contracting E coli.

Masters refused to go
on the search with us.

Interesting.

Which raises the question,

what is your problem with her?

He is intimidated
by her intelligence.

Why would
that bother Taub?

He's been working with people
smarter than him for a long time.

I think perky new girl
makes him feel old.

She's basically
the same age as Thirteen.

She's a student, makes you
contemplate your med school days,

back when you had hair,
muscle tone

and no need for
a regular prostate exam.

Makes sense.

Just like E coli.

Orchards make cider out of apples
they can't sell otherwise.

Like if they've fallen
onto the ground...

Like into some cow feces.

Which would mean our esteemed
patient is literally full of BS.

Cool.

Go get the ing?nue
and start the patient

on Aztreonam
and plasmapheresis.

He said to start
the patient on...

The cell-sorter
separates the plasma

from the remaining
cellular components,

thereby removing...

The toxins, antibodies,
cryoglobulins.

I think we should tell our patient
about breaking into his house.

Why would we do that?

Because the reason
not to tell him

was that he might
hide something,

now that rationale is moot.

The rationale now is no
upside, big downside.

How can we ask
our patients to trust us

if we're not honest with them?

How can we ask
the patient to trust us

after we tell him
he can't trust us?

Fine. Tell him.

Clear your conscience because
that's what's important.

Well, if you had
let me run that ad,

everybody would be talking
about immigration instead.

All right, look, here's
what we're gonna say.

"Yeah, he was in Iraq and we're
all grateful for his sacrifice.

"You chose to honor
your country through

"public service and
have voted 46 times

"to expand the Pentagon's
budget for programs

"which, by the way,
Moreno wants to cut."

All right.
I'll draft it up and send it over.

You should probably slow down

until you're out
of the hospital.

It's a busy week.

Aren't you curious how we
came up with this diagnosis?

You're doctors.
Isn't that your job?

But how we knew you were
drinking apple cider.

You had to have found
that at my house,

so I guess you guys
broke in there.

It doesn't bother you?

Medicine is like politics.

At the end of the day,
all that matters is results.

That's not true.

Respect matters.

Honesty and integrity matter...

Have you ever thought about
running for public office?

Because I would love to have
someone like you as an opponent.

Watch the replacement
fluid line.

Oh, right, sorry.

You ever wonder why American
voter turnout rates

are among the lowest
in the developed world?

Mr. Dugan?

Mr. Dugan?

What's wrong?
Can you hear me?

He's paralyzed. Call Foreman and Chase.
Get them down here.

Mr. Dugan?

We think it's a transient
ischemic attack.

The clot must have broken up
before we could find it.

He's temporarily paralyzed, but
he's regaining mobility and speech.

So what causes rash,
liver failure, clots

and the uncontrollable urge
to rat out your co-workers?

Oh, no, wait, that last one
was you, not the patient.

I wasn't trying to rat.

I was clearly trying to honor
my ethical obligation.

Portal vein thrombosis could
be caused by Wilson's disease.

Hooray!

You popped your cherry,

diagnostically speaking.

Unfortunately,
first time always sucks.

Pitch doesn't make any sense,

Dugan's cornea was normal.

You're obviously brilliant.

Why would you hide your mind?

I was brainstorming.

I'm not talking about your
stupid ideas about the patient.

I mean your stupid ideas
about morality.

My stupid ideas
are what most doctors

consider the rules for
professional conduct.

What about
a neuro-endocrine tumor?

Not without diminished mental
capacity, loss ofjudgment.

Disseminated intravascular
coagulation, however, fits.

Rules are just
helpful guidelines

for stupid people who can't
make up their own mind.

You obviously don't fit into that
category, so why put yourself there?

Masters is right

about a neuro-endocrine
tumor.

Because, yes, Dugan has
had a loss ofjudgment.

He made this
totally inflammatory

anti-immigration campaign
commercial for Anderson.

It just got leaked online.

You're arguing
Dugan's politics

are a sign that
he's mentally compromised?

No, his tactics.
He's most likely the one who leaked it

and all the commentators are saying
Anderson will catch a major backlash.

And honesty is a great idea

until your patient asks if her
distended abdomen makes her look fat.

House, I hate to interrupt
your ethics debate,

but we have two solid
ideas on the table.

CT from his neck to his abdomen
for neuro-endocrine tumors.

And run a D-dimer
and fibrinogen for DIC.

Masters,

if lying to a patient would save
their life, would you do it?

No.

That's a lie.

If your grandma gave you a really
crappy tea cozy for Christmas,

would you tell her
you liked it?

Yes, but that's different.

So you lie when it doesn't matter,
but you won't when it does.

How'd you get so screwed up?

How mad would you be
if I fired Masters?

Very.

Unless you had cause.
Real cause.

Cause that a human being
would consider cause.

Never mind, then.

She's got principles.

She's like the love child of
Einstein and Mary Poppins.

Didn't even get
Einstein's hair.

It's worth having
someone on the team

who doesn't see the world
entirely as shades of gray.

It is gray.
To you.

She has a fresh perspective.

Unless that threatens you.

It does not...

You thought I'd get defensive,
keep her out of pride?

Girl can hope.

House,

I gave this a lot of thought.

She deserves a chance.

A real chance.

House is gonna fire me.

No, he isn't.

Because you told him not to?

Butting heads with House
is par for the course.

House has strong beliefs,

and he respects other
people with strong beliefs.

It's not my beliefs
that are the problem.

It's my personality.

I'm not good at working
with other people.

You've been in there
for less than a day.

I wasn't looking for
encouragement, it's a fact.

Growing up,
my whole life, really,

I spent a lot of
time by myself.

No one in high school wants
to hang out with a kid

that's three years
younger than them.

And studying
Anosov diffeomorphisms,

determining whether an unattributed
landscape is a Blakelock or a Ryder...

I'm actually
boring you right now.

And yet, you chose medicine,
which is a team activity.

Pretty gutsy, stepping so far
outside your comfort zone.

I'm not trying
to prove anything.

I just wanted to be a doctor.

It was stupid.

Nobody can do everything.

I was vain to think I
could be the exception.

House doesn't care if you're a team
player, or how ethical you are,

or how high your IQ is.

It's all about the cases.

You help him crack this one,

you two are gonna
get along just fine.

We gotta give Masters
some pointers.

Help her figure out
how to deal with House.

Why would I do that?

The entertainment factor
is off the charts.

It's like watching a bunny hopping
into a buzzsaw, repeatedly.

And if we don't help her,
she's out of here.

No, something else is stopping
House from firing her.

I'm guessing it's his desire
to keep having sex with Cuddy.

You guys ready
to admit you were wrong yet?

Excuse me?

This tumor you're looking for,
you're not gonna find it.

My judgment is
completely sound.

So when you leaked that ad,

you were trying to torpedo
the Senator's campaign?

All right. One, I told you
before, I didn't leak that spot.

Uh-huh.

And two,

whoever did leak that ad had nothing
wrong with their mind either.

It's gonna save Anderson.

That commercial,
everyone sees through it.

You're just trying to
play to people's fears.

You say fears, I say rational,
protective instincts.

And judging by your accent,

immigration probably
isn't an issue

you can be
real impartial about.

I waited five years
to get my green card.

If there's anyone who
would resent someone

trying to skip the queue,
it'd be me.

But just because
Moreno favors amnesty...

He doesn't.

You know that picture of
him with the Mexican flag,

seems to be from
a pro-amnesty rally?

That's from an Amnesty
International speech

protesting the imprisonment
of priests in Oaxaca.

Yes, you did just
prove that that ad

is even more disgusting
than you thought.

You also proved
that ad is effective.

You still think
my judgment is off?

Not anymore.

There's no sign of a tumor.

That leaves DIC.

I'll go check how Taub is
doing with the blood work.

I guess when you
get on in years,

it takes a little longer to
run a few simple blood tests.

This whole "Taub's an old man"
thing, kind of rings hollow

considering I'm in better shape
than you are. Pass the dye.

You're in
rounder shape than me.

Tonight after work, meet at the
basketball courts in the gym.

You do realize you're two and
a half feet tall, right?

And white. And Jewish.

It'd be very embarrassing.

I get why you'd want to say no.

Tonight, after work.

Crap.

You hear Moreno's
latest stump speech?

He's gonna clean up Washington.

Yeah, right.
Like any politician

from New Jersey
has ever cleaned up.

Who else knows that
you leaked that ad?

You and I had
the only two copies, Hal.

I don't care that you did it,

I just want to
make sure it worked.

This morning's tracking
has me within two points.

I told you.

We're gonna pull
this thing off.

Your blood test for DIC came
back completely normal.

That's good news, right?

It means the two things we
thought it could be, it's not.

We checked your home for
toxins and didn't find any,

but it's possible you might have
been exposed on the campaign.

Have you visited any
industrial or agricultural facilities?

There was a tomato farm
in Lumberton.

Did they take you
into the fields?

No one wants a photo op with me.
I never leave the bus.

Were the windows open?
Certain pesticides...

Foreman?

What? What is it?

It's not just your liver
we have to worry about.

It looks like your kidneys
are having problems, too.

So this guy
spends his entire life

campaigning
against bleeding hearts.

Turns out, he has one.

Bloody urine actually is a renal
problem, not a cardiac one.

Yeah. If I say
something inaccurate,

assume it's for comic effect.

Then laugh, because it's funny.

TTP makes sense.
Where are his platelets?

Two hundred thousand.
It's not TTP.

What about
Henoch-Sch?nlein purpura?

HSP doesn't cause clots.

HSP doesn't usually cause
clots, but it can.

And the vasculitis would
explain the kidney problem.

She can't
diagnose a joke,

but she's making progress
on the patient.

We treat with
chemotherapy or steroids.

We treat with chemotherapy.

I said chemo.

And then you said "or."

Once again,
the bunny meets the blade.

The road to dead
patients is paved with "or's."

Chemo is the more
effective treatment,

which means it will confirm
our diagnosis more quickly...

I agree,
but there is another option.

There are lots
of other options.

There's bloodletting,
crystals, prayer...

Another medically
accepted option.

Which is both less
effective and less scary.

So the patient
might just choose it.

Unless, of course,
we don't mention it to him.

We can't withhold information.

If we explain both the benefits
and the risks of each treatment,

I'm sure Dugan
will choose chemo.

Well, as long as you're sure.

The better option
is chemotherapy.

It's faster and more likely
to completely cure you.

I'll take the steroids.

Oh, my goodness.

If only someone
could have predicted

that you'd make that
incredibly stupid decision.

The nausea and
fatigue from chemo

will only last a few weeks.

Our poll numbers have stalled,

that's five days
till the election.

Doctor, can you talk
some sense into him?

Would that I could, but ethics
dictate that it's his decision.

So all I can do now
is return to my office,

knowing that even as my
patient endangers himself,

my integrity
remains unblemished.

Please, take some time
to think about this.

I don't need any time.
I want to start on the steroids.

Game to eleven by ones.

Hold on.

Wanna shoot for outs?

You can have it.

One, nothing.

You're gonna guard me?

You can't hit two in a row.

Two, nothing.
You're gonna guard me now?

You can have that shot all day.

Three, nothing.

1-3.

10-7.

Seriously?

You're gonna beat me with that?

I was wrong.

You're not so old.

Thank you.

Now all we have
to do is figure out

why Masters is
making you feel insecure.

I was just down
by Dugan's room.

They were gonna give him
the wrong medicine.

I tried to change the order,
but I'm not a doctor.

Good.

The wrong medicine
is the right medicine.

But he wanted steroids,
not chemo.

He wants to live.

I'm gonna tell him
what's going on.

No, you're not.

I don't mind your
morality, in theory.

But, in practice, you're
risking my patient's life.

So you're fired.

You think that's gonna
stop me from telling him?

If you do, I'll get you
thrown out of medical school.

I haven't done anything
that would merit that.

I know, but unlike you,
I'm willing to lie.

Firing her
was a mistake.

We need someone like her on the
team, keeping us all in check.

You're incapable of noticing when
I do something inappropriate?

We're like the frogs who've
been in the pot for a while,

we're used to the heat.

Things have been just fine
without Pippi Long-Division.

Your opponent's
out of the race.

You can drop
the smear campaign.

Dugan's developed pulmonary
edema, it's not HSP.

Masters was right.

He didn't want the chemo,
he didn't need the chemo.

Masters was wrong,
he doesn't have HSP.

And Masters is gone.

Could be an infection.

We had him on Aztreonam for the
E coli, he didn't respond.

Schistosomiasis wouldn't
respond to Aztreonam.

That's a great idea,

if he was running a political
campaign in Africa.

Guy hasn't been out of
the country in years.

Who needs to travel when
you've got a giant fish tank,

loaded with tropical fish,
tropical snails

carrying tropical bacteria,

like schistomiasis.

Go break into his home,
get me some escargot.

Unless you want to ask the
patient's permission,

as a tribute to the departed.

Need a minute.

You said you were
gonna give her a chance.

I did. She used
that opportunity

to endanger our patient's life.

By insisting he receive the
treatment that he asked for.

That's what I just said.

Your team is there
to challenge you.

I didn't fire her
because she's a challenge,

I fired her because she
is an immutable obstacle.

You gonna make me hire her?
How do you think that'll work out?

How do you think
that'll work out?

He's right.
I'll just...

You will not quit this job.

What is going on?

I want her gone, she wants to be gone.
Why do you care?

You don't actually think she's
a younger version of you?

Because let me tell you, you're
not that smart, or moral.

Socially awkward, maybe.

She's a potential star and
I want her in my hospital.

No problem.
Just find her a different department.

I think
I figured it out,

why Taub didn't like Masters.

Now you're getting
involved in this, too?

My previous source of
entertainment just got fired.

Exactly.
She's gone. It's over.

She's totally moral
and uptight,

which made Taub feel badly
about his cheating.

Can we get a move on?

He didn't like her even before
he knew about her morals.

From the minute he saw her.

So it's something
about how she looked.

All right.

No snails.
Let's get out of here.

Hello?

Yeah. It's Foreman.

What did you find?

Nothing helpful but...

There's gotta be something.
Dugan's gone completely downhill.

Now fluid's collecting
in his chest.

Where the hell are you guys?

In jail.

You gonna come bail us out?

Uh, kind of busy.

Thank you all for
coming down here at this late hour.

I assure you I will be brief.

There has been a lot of
discussion about an attack ad

that leaked online
earlier this week.

There you are.

I was starting to think that my
holier-than-thou-dar was malfunctioning.

Our patient's liver, kidneys
and lungs are failing,

I need you to
help me figure out why.

As I recall, you have three actual
doctors you haven't fired today.

They're in jail.

What? Why?

Prostitution.

So, you're re-hired.

It all started in the liver,
but where in the liver.

If in the ducts, then primary
biliary cirrhosis...

Yeah, I don't need to hear your ideas.
Just return the volley.

Primary sclerosing cholangitis.

Nope. His vitamin A level
is normal.

Gall bladder problems can affect the liver.
Cholecystitis...

He's talking about our patient.
I've known Joe...

Did you just shush me?

... for many years

and thought he was a friend.

That is until he leaked
this hurtful, hateful ad.

I think he's lying.
Dugan said...

I think the technical term
is speaking...

Dugan violated my trust.

And therefore I have
no other recourse

than to fire him
from my campaign.

Thank you and there will
be no further questions.

Thanks for your help.

Oh. And you're
fired again.

He screwed you.

That was
a hell of a move.

He used the ad to
shore up the base,

fire the extremist
to hold the center.

No, I mean he
actually screwed you.

Taking weekend trips
down to Bunbury.

He's got a red blotch on his
hand, that's palmar erythema.

That and the fact that he's got a
permanent sheen of Nixonian flop sweat.

He's got Hepatitis C.

Which explains
all your symptoms.

That's great, but the Senator
and I have not had sex.

Well, then, the two of
you shot up together.

How many high-functioning
heroin users do you know?

Actually, quite a few.

Look, I know you've got Hep C.

So either you shared
a bed together,

you shared a needle,

or you shared a straw.

I'm talking
about coke, not Coke.

You can get Hep C
from doing cocaine?

Look, I will deny it...
Don't care.

They tested me for Hep C when I
came in here, I don't have it.

Well, apparently your liver picked
up a few of your campaign tactics.

It's hiding all your secrets
by producing cryoglobulins

so the Hep C tests
come back negative.

Now, I could look for
all the associated toxins,

but the plasmapheresis
got rid of those.

So, basically,
you've got a disease,

but there's no way to prove it.

It's pretty cool, huh?

What is that?

This is interferon.
It delays the onset of rigor mortis.

When did your lawyer say
he was coming to get us?

He said, and I'm quoting here,

"Soon."

I know...

The reason you hated Masters
from the moment you saw her...

Come on.

That was not the first
time you saw her.

That is brilliant.

It's really not.

Is that guy seriously
using the toilet?

Oh, my God, he's sitting down.

Don't try to change the subject.
Did you sleep with her?

No wonder he's in jail.
Anyone who would do that has no shame.

Or maybe he tried to sleep with
her, and she shot him down.

I don't know her.

Is he grunting?
I think I hear grunting.

You realize we're
not gonna drop this.

I didn't sleep with her.

I interviewed her
for Hopkins Med School.

So you're holding a grudge because
she chose a different school?

We talked for an hour.
She didn't remember me.

She remembers the 20th digit
of some math constant,

but she doesn't remember a guy she
had a one-on-one meeting with.

I barely remember you.

Mystery solved.

Now we can all go
back to our lives.

Great news.

I've decided
to re-hire you.

Find another sounding board.

Dugan's got Hep C...
I'm not doing this.

But he's not
responding to interferon.

You must think I have
absolutely no self-esteem.

Ethics and self-esteem?
You really are a pain in the ass.

What treats Hep C
besides interferon?

Now you want me to talk?

Yeah.

Come on. Stop pretending
you're not gonna do this.

As much you hate me,
you hate failing more.

I didn't fail.
You fired me, repeatedly.

But if you walk away now, after I
just re-hired you, that's quitting.

A German research study showed

that 15% of patients with Hep C

were cured after
contracting Hep A.

Of course other studies
have shown that up to 85%

of doubly-infected patients
die very quickly.

So, in theory, if we can find
something that mimics Hep A...

There is one thing
that mimics Hep A,

Hep A.

Good work.

You're fired.

No.

Hep A could cure him.

Better chance it will kill him.

Tell the lab to release a Hep A culture to me.
We'll see who's right.

It's not an approved treatment
and exposes us to liability.

There's no way
I can let you do this.

That's an extremely
cowardly position.

Listen to the genius.

You're the one that
insisted he run this by me.

It's proper protocol for an
unconventional treatment.

But we shouldn't compromise patient
care just to avoid lawsuits.

What about the fact that we don't
have any proof he actually has Hep C?

That is a perfectly
valid objection.

Don't listen to her.
She doesn't even work for me.

If you really think that this
is the only way to cure him,

I will risk the lawsuit,
but I need to know

that he actually
has the disease.

Get me proof.

I've given you...
Proof.

Get me proof he has Hep C and
then you can give him Hep A.

I can't.

You'll figure something out.

The two of you have a
combined IQ north of 300.

That's also true
of five morons.

Go. Work.

So what do we do now?

Considering the fact that I'm about
to do something unethical...

Oh, right, yeah.
I'm fired.

Missed you.
We need a false positive Hep C test.

And why would we
want to do that?

The world changes when
you're on the inside.

You just got to roll with
it once you get out.

You think he contracted
Hep C from the Senator, right?

Test Anderson.
If he's positive,

that's evidence
that Dugan has it, too.

Evidence. Not proof.

Are we presenting this
to a jury of our peers?

That should be
enough for Cuddy.

Should be, but it won't be.

The test for Hep C
is 99.9% accurate.

That means one in every thousand
tests is a false positive.

We do enough,
maybe we get lucky.

I smell like jail.

A false false positive.
That's the best we can do?

Okay, go do it.

I have a problem.

A medical problem.

Which could become...

I have lied to Cuddy
10,000 times.

How do you think
she'd feel about 10,001?

I think you probably
already know the answer.

But it doesn't make any sense.

You don't understand
why a woman

might be upset because her
boyfriend lied to her?

I wouldn't be lying
as her boyfriend,

I'd be lying as her employee.

That's not how
relationships work.

My patient is gonna die.

Does a lie
guarantee he'll live?

No.

You've got two choices,
either be honest

and face
the medical consequences,

or lie and face
the personal consequences.

Now that you're my doctor, you
can't tell anybody, right?

Who would leak a story
about a sitting senator

who got Hep C
from doing cocaine?

You didn't fill out
any paperwork.

I'm going to run this test
under an assumed name.

Trust me, no one will
ever know you were here.

Blood test confirming Hep C.

He got sicker,
his viral load came up,

finally showed up on the test.

Thank you.

There was a time
when you would have

completely ignored my request.

It means a lot that you
respect me enough to do this.

I've come a long way, baby.

Now if you would only hire
a new team member...

I'm on it.

How would you like
to come work for me?

It's like I'm on
a M?bius strip.

We've had this conversation.
You want this job.

Prove yourself to me,
no more games.

At least the current game
ends, others may start.

You have
my deeply-flawed word.

What do I have to do?

Get Dugan to let us
give him Hep A.

And while you're figuring out
the best way to coax a patient

into a treatment that
has an 85% mortality rate,

here's some advice, don't.

I'm not gonna lie to him.

You have a math degree, so let's
see if you can follow along here.

You lie to him.

He definitely consents,
he might live.

You tell him the truth, like
last time, he might not consent.

He definitely dies.

Remind me what's
so wrong about lying.

We're going to inject
you with Hepatitis A.

That doesn't
sound like medicine.

I know it seems counterintuitive,
but in some people,

the virus can
enhance immune function

and clear out the Hepatitis C.

Some?

How many are we talking about?

A fair amount.

Give me a percentage.
What are the odds of this thing working?

There's an 85% chance
that this will kill you.

So you want to give me something
that works 15% better than arsenic?

Technically, it works infinitely
better because arsenic has a 0%

chance.

This is your only shot.

Both Dr. House
and I believe that.

He faked a blood test

in order to get you approved
for this treatment,

and then, he tried to bribe me
into lying to you about the risks.

If either of those
incidents came to light,

he'd be suspended and
probably lose his license.

I'm sure some other
people would suffer.

He's risking his career
to give you this chance.

He wouldn't do that if there
was any other choice.

I did it and
I didn't have to lie.

And you feel good about that.

Yes.

So I'm hiring an idiot.

You can pretend you wanted
me to lie, but you didn't.

You want the people on your
team to challenge you.

Otherwise, you'd just be a bully
instead of a great doctor.

You hired me because I don't
compromise my principles.

Or I want a front row seat

when you wake up and realize how
useless your principles are.

I don't want you to
just lie to a patient,

I want you to want
to lie to a patient.

It's not gonna happen.

See you tomorrow.

I heard that Dugan is already
responding to treatment.

Yeah, his ALT level is already
beginning to normalize.

I want to apologize
for the way I've...

Wait.

You interviewed me, right?

For Hopkins?

Oh, my God.
You're right.

Wow.

That memory of yours...

I wanted to say something
the first day.

I've felt really awkward
about the whole thing.

Don't worry about it.

Is this Grandma's tea cozy?

What?

Nothing.
I'll see you upstairs.

If I knew hiring her meant dealing
with medical school paperwork,

I might have reconsidered.

You really got nothing better
to do than watch me sign this?

And miss the ultimate admission

that I was right about
Masters all along?

She had me when
she called you a coward.

You heading out?

I have to work late.

Gloating requires
a lot of paperwork.

Thank you, New Jersey,

for re-electing me
to the United States Senate.

We ran a positive campaign,

a campaign about the dire
issues facing this great nation.

There are many people who gave
their all for this campaign,

but there is one person
that stands out among them.

My beautiful wife
Loretta. Loretta?

Thank you.

Do you know where the
Senator's records are?

House was treating
Anderson's campaign manager,

not the Senator himself.

Oh.

Why did you think
he was a patient?

House saw him in the clinic.
I guess it wasn't medical.

When?

Friday, around 3:00.

House's team ran a Hep C
test on Joe Dugan on Friday.

Can you look up the time?

Chase, Taub and Foreman were
running tests all night.

All negative.

Positive test
at 3:17 p.m.

House ran it himself.

Is everything okay?

I don't think so.