House (2004–2012): Season 7, Episode 10 - Carrot or Stick - full transcript

- Move it. Faster.
- Parks, quit slacking.

I'm not slacking.
I can't.

How dare you talk to
your drill instructor?

Sir, I'm not slacking.

You stand up and you
look me in the eye.

I feel lousy.
I can't...

"Can't" doesn't exist here.

Now you finish this course or you're
in isolation the rest of the day.

You hear me?

MacDonald, you ready to
make Parks eat your dust?

Sir, yes, sir.



Ready? Go!

Are your ears malfunctioning?
I said go.

Go! Go!

Get down! Get down!

Belly down. Belly down.

Move it!

Get up over there.
Grab those bars.

Move ahead. You grab them bars.
Faster. Move it!

Move it. Knees up.
Knees up! Move it!

Grab the wall! Hit that wall!
Hit that wall!

Move it.
Get up over there.

Keep it going. Don't you fall on me.
Faster! Move it.

What's the matter, Parks?
You got a boo-boo?

Sir, I'm bleeding, sir.



Is your life in immediate danger?
No.

Then you get your
ass up over that wall.

I said get your
ass over that...

What's going on?

My back hurts.
I can't move.

Help. Help!
I can't get up.

"Can't" doesn't exist here.

We should not be
looking at this.

He sent out an alert.
It'd be rude not to look.

Though I am straining my eyes.

What are we checking out?

Your profile page.

Why? I haven't...

That is not me.

That is you.

That's me, but that is not.

Whoever did this made it smaller.
Much, much smaller.

Whoever did this has a
bone to pick with you.

Ironic, since your bone...

Is not in that picture.

My proof is right here.
You really want to see?

Whoa, convinced.

You have any idea who did this?

I don't even know where
the original picture is from.

Bathroom at the Carleton Hotel.

Towel, hotel logo's reversed.

Shot must've been
taken in the mirror.

We were there for
Sanford Wells' wedding.

That must narrow it down.

He slept with
three women there.

Ah, you're a whore.

38-year-old former Marine.
Came to the ER with back pain,

now his bladder aches as much as
his back 'cause he can't empty it.

What are we
looking at this morning?

Upskirt celebrity,
endearingly funny cat?

Another study about gays
being better parents.

We were lured in by
the word "lesbian."

Has he taken any antihistamines
or anticholinergics?

Nope, and the ER ruled
out enlarged prostate,

stuffed colon
and spinal injury.

Military history.
In suspiciously good shape for his age,

makes a living bullying kids.

I'm thinking steroids.

Fascinating.

Thanks. We can
wean him off...

Steroids isn't fascinating,
it's moronic.

There's no other sign
of hormonal imbalance.

What's fascinating is that you
equate discipline with bullying.

Which means that
your parents either

disciplined you too
much or too little.

I'm guessing too little.

It's hardly surprising you agree
with our patient's philosophy.

You run your department
like a boot camp,

as if cruelty
ensures performance.

Is this where I'm supposed
to disagree with you?

Diagnosis of urinary
retention depends on

the particular
mechanical cause.

We need to know if there's
a blockage in the urethra

versus a nerve or a muscle
problem with the bladder.

Fascinating without misdirect.

Cath him, and see what's stopping
him from emptying his bilge.

Oh, not you, Chase.

Sending Captain
Micropenis to deal

with what's probably
normal-sized equipment?

That's too cruel even for me.

Good morning.

And what brings the lesser
Cuddy to these parts?

Pediatrician appointment
for an S-H-O-T.

Waldenwood insists vaccination
reports go in with the application.

Honey, finish your oatmeal.

- Waldenwood.
- Is that by any chance a boarding school?

Or a work camp?

It's our first
choice preschool.

- Blocks made of gold?
- Kids don't have to pick their own noses?

Great facilities and teachers,

and they're known for
their gifted program.

You sure that's the
right place for her?

Sounds a little snobby.

I've done my research, we've visited.
It's a perfect fit.

You feel pressure,

we need you to tell us when the
urge to void becomes unbearable.

Sorry, can't make you feel better
till we make you feel worse.

I get it.
Goes for what I do, too.

We cause pain when
it's the only option.

The kids I work with at the camp are
there because a judge sent them.

I can't teach them
good behaviors

without first getting rid
of all their bad ones.

That's not gonna happen
unless I push them.

I don't see why metaphorical pushing
has to involve actual pushing.

I may work these kids hard,
but I never hit them.

You march them into the ground
instead of knocking them there.

Yeah, well, it beats
the alternatives

which is ending up in jail
or a gang, or a coffin.

How often do you pull that off?

Two-thirds
never re-offend.

It's better numbers than juvie.

She's brilliant,
but new to the real world.

Yeah.

Doc, I gotta go.

Let's empty you out.

Take the urine to Taub.
Have him screen it for bacteria.

I'll analyze this data.

A half-hour on
the phone, no go.

Website won't take
down the picture.

I thought their policy
doesn't allow nude photos.

Now tap the tube gently against the
table to re-suspend the cells.

They don't, but technically,
I'm no longer nude.

Maybe you should
shut down your account.

I tried but whoever did
this changed my password

so I can't even
prove it's my page.

There's a clue, she's got
serious tech skills.

My password
was "password."

You're a dumb whore.

Do any of the three seem
like a more likely suspect?

Maybe one was clingier.

I can't even
remember their names.

Listen, this is
a tough time for me,

breaking up with Rachel,
moving into a hotel.

I want you to know how much your
humiliation has eased my burden.

Urine is clean for bacteria.

Not surprising, since
his bladder test showed

that his peeing
problem is really

a nerve problem,
neurogenic bladder.

Could mean spinal cord
tumor, cerebral palsy.

House is gonna go
right for syphilis.

How can you be so sure?

Rare complication of an
embarrassing illness,

practically a House special.

I want to get ahead.
Let's go test his blood for syphilis.

Okay, I'm gonna
take some blood.

This will only hurt
for a second. Ready?

Stop it. Stop trying to kill me.

Hey, let her go.

You're trying to kill me.
Let her go.

Security.
Need some help in here.

Let me go!
Let me go!

She's fine. How about we get
back to someone who isn't?

The patient's in
restraints and on Haldol,

which seems to
have made him lucid.

Differential diagnosis, back pain,
neurogenic bladder, psychosis.

A symptom which we learned
about when he choked me.

Hate to slow us down
by acknowledging it.

And yet you have.

Tertiary syphilis fits.

Test came back negative.

Several meds could
cause those symptoms.

Tricyclic antidepressants,
ritalin.

Also other native plants,
wormwood, jimsonweed...

With the amount of jimsonweed or
ritalin you'd have to ingest,

seems like he would've
mentioned it.

Unless he didn't know about it.

Maybe one of those
kids at the camp

got tired of Driscoll's
lessons and poisoned him.

Go to the camp,
check for potential poisons.

I all but ignored your assault,

showed you no
compassion whatsoever,

and you came up
with a good idea.

Score one for tough love.

Glad to hear you met someone you liked.
Weddings are good for that.

I was hoping to get in touch.

Thing is, I'm a bit
fuzzy on names.

Sorry, open bar.

She was sitting at
Dr. Simpson's table,

brunette,
purple dress, low-cut.

That's my niece, Winn Phillips.

Your niece?

Fantastic.

Her info is
in your e-mail.

Also, there was a blonde,
green dress.

You want me to hook you
up with two women?

Actually, three.

How do you cheat on a test
when there's no test?

Sorry, not playing.

Go away, House.

I'm not giving you
advice just so you can

distort it to suit your
own warped world view.

But it's been working so well.

Cuddy wants to get Rachel
into Waldenwood Preschool.

Problem is Rachel's dumber
than a paste sandwich.

And her not getting in bothers you.
You care about Rachel.

That was not advice.

Cuddy cares about her,

which means when Rachel gets
rejected, Cuddy will be upset.

Then, as the boyfriend,
I will be expected

to be supportive and consoling.

Not your strengths,
I grant you.

Leave it alone. It's just a play date.
It'll be fine.

"Play date"
being their code for

"way to weed out
the paste sandwiches."

They'll hand her puzzles
and counting games

and Rachel will just sit
there and eat the pieces.

Crap! Crap.
I'm such a sucker.

Thanks for the advice.

That's
the isolation area.

Kids that behave badly go there,
sometimes 23 hours a day.

Sounds like a pretty good
incentive to behave.

They're treating the symptom
instead of the disease.

Basic systems theory,

troubled kids are produced
by troubled families.

This place doesn't even attempt
to change the environment

that damaged them
in the first place.

So there are no bad
kids, only bad parents?

Then why is my
brother an ex-con?

Treating kids decently
doesn't mean identically.

Some kids need more
structure or discipline.

Nobody needs this place.

Maybe we're
coming at this wrong.

We find the poisoner, let them
point us toward the poison.

Driscoll's got 24
kids in his troop.

You want to interview
all of them?

Maybe we don't need to.

Driscoll sent me to isolation all the time.
Doesn't mean I poisoned him.

He's the psycho, not me.

Tell him.

DI Driscoll's way harder on
him than the rest of us.

Maybe because he's a
bigger pain in the ass.

What are you in here for?
Shoplifting.

You ready to upgrade
to second-degree murder?

Spend 10 years in jail?

If he dies because of whatever you
gave him, that's what'll happen.

That supposed to scare me?

My mom's dead, my dad's
never been around,

and after this I'll get bounced
to another foster hole.

My future's not exactly bright.

Prison, now or later, doesn't make
that much of a difference to me.

Dude, I'm not mopping the
whole floor by myself.

Your eyes are red.

Might be an allergic reaction
to the cleaning solution.

It's just my allergies.

Do you take anything for them?

Not right now.

Why not?

These IV fluids will help
flush the drugs out of your system.

You know which of
the kids dosed me?

It's not medically relevant.

Look, I'm not gonna hurt him, but
I get why you're scared of me.

I'm real sorry
about this morning.

No apology necessary.

You're ill, you didn't
know what you were doing.

I used to be
a real screw-up.

The military taught me that
actions always have consequences,

part of being a man
is accepting them.

After all the times I've said that
to the kids, apology is necessary.

Are you okay?

No, my heart's kind of racing.

I got it.

Heart rate is 170, PAT
until proven otherwise.

We got to slow it down.
Six milligrams of adenosine, IV bolus.

Tell the nurse to get in
here with the crash cart.

Pushing fluid sent his
heart into overdrive.

It took three doses of adenosine
to get it under control.

Treating him for antihistamine
toxicity revealed a new symptom.

Which revealed
that he didn't have

antihistamine toxicity
in the first place.

House, where are you?
Playground.

Great place to meet chicks.
Their moms, too.

Tachycardia could be a humoral
effect, mastocytosis.

We'd see either GI
or cutaneous symptoms.

Pancreatic insulinoma...

Wouldn't cause
bladder problems.

Unlike pheochromocytoma.

Well done, Chase.
Now turn off your phone.

You heard that?
It's on vibrate.

I'm assuming it's been
ringing almost non-stop

since you changed
your status update to,

"Nothing lights my fire
like a lady-of-size.

"Less than three bills,
don't bother calling."

Followed by your cell number.

No, no, no, you're right.
This is in no way clever and hysterical.

Before you start
rolling anyone in flour,

work the patient up for a pheo.

Adrenal and pituitary scans,
24-hour urine collection.

How soon after the admissions
session did the child get sick?

Kid barely got home
before she collapsed.

Her parents are a wreck,
desperate for answers.

Have you experienced
any symptoms?

Or does someone else
oversee these sessions?

The teachers supervise.
No one's mentioned feeling sick.

I'd love to call the
family, offer my support.

Sorry, I can't reveal names.

Doctorlpatient confidentiality.

So this is where all the
admissions play dates happen?

She wouldn't have
been in another room?

This is where we have them all.

Maybe to be safe we get
rid of these toys and...

No, no, no.
Don't do that.

I'll tell you if
anything's toxic.

For now, you should
minimize your exposure.

I'm supposed to be supervised.

The scan is pre-programmed.
There's no risk to the patient.

You're literally gonna sit
here, watch the monitor

and chat with him
if he gets lonely.

Still...
Report me.

How are you doing in there?

You shouldn't bother
trying to protect Landon.

I know he's the one
who drugged me.

The antihistamines
aren't what got you sick.

Doesn't change
the fact that he did it.

I tried everything with that kid
, I just can't break through.

It's clear you care about him.

Have you tried
telling him that?

You gotta
understand something.

These kids,
they're all manipulators.

As much as I care about
all of them, I can't...

I can't show them that unless there's
some mutual respect, otherwise...

Forget those other kids.
Think about this kid.

He watched his mother
get sick and die,

he's never known his dad.

Who knows how long it's been since
anyone's taken care of him,

or if there's ever
been a man around

with any degree of consistency.

I believe that
you're on his side.

I'm betting it
would help if he did.

You are a beautiful man.
Can I leave now?

I know where all
three women are,

but I'd like to avoid
the additional humiliation

of falsely accusing
any of them.

You ID'd the hotel off this.
Hoping there's another clue in it somewhere.

We could enhance the image,

maybe her face is reflected in
that gleam off your butt cheek.

Or maybe it's time
to chalk this up

to the hazards
of being a player.

Your zipper problem
just blew up your marriage.

Don't move.

Unlike me, you've had the
decency not to cheat on anyone,

but you haven't been giving much
thought to who these women are,

how they might feel.

Obviously you hurt one of them.
Emotionally hurt her,

because physically,
how would you even know.

Looks like your
shorty is a shorty.

You're early,
dinner's not ready.

Oh.

Okay. Rachel and I
will go play in her room.

Really?

I'm hungry, go cook.

All right,
you little lump of clay.

Rachel? Rachel!

It's a new toy.
What kid doesn't like new toys?

A moron, that's who.

Okay, look at the pretty colors.
Now, what color is this?

Orange.

Yes, that is orange.
What color is this?

Okay, blocks going away.
Bye-bye, blocks.

Next time,
reinforce the levees.

Bad corps of
army engineers, bad.

But what's this?

- Rings.
- Look at the rings.

Now the goal of this game is...

To not kill you.

Why are you here?
Wait, did you give me an STD?

No, I did not.
Don't deflect.

That picture was taken
by someone your height.

Just take it down.

What picture?

Fine.

Play it that way.

So...

You really like kittens, huh?

Yeah, you said you did, too.

No wonder you're pissed,
because that is not you.

And I didn't take it.

Did you mean my height
with heels or without?

You weren't wearing heels when
we were in that room, so...

Oh, yes, you were.

I started to take them off, and then
you asked me very nicely not to.

Why would I do this?

I'm not mad about
what happened with us,

or apparently with you and any
other women at that wedding.

Sorry, I guess
my forensic analysis

wasn't as advanced
as I thought.

Wait. You know, you don't have to rush off.
I still have those heels.

Everywhere you looked,
gingham and stuffed animals.

How did you get out of there?

I didn't, right away.

Wasn't anything wrong
with her physically.

One down, two members
of a threesome to go.

You should flip
a condom to choose.

We checked his adrenal,
pituitary and thyroid glands,

monitored his catecholamines.
It's not a pheo.

We had to put him on a diltiazem
drip to regulate his heart.

Means he's running out of time.

Means you are, too.

Your campaign to soften him up
so he'll go easier on the kids,

all in a pointless attempt to
validate your own upbringing.

Another cardiac arrhythmia?

It's not our patient.
It's the ER.

That patient House admitted with
back pain and urinary retention?

How do you feel
about a matched set?

We need to track your common exposures.
What shampoo do you use?

Whatever crap
the camp gives us.

Same here.

We need things exclusive to you
but not the rest of the camp.

Otherwise, a lot more people would be sick.
Toothpaste, deodorant?

Can't be deodorant
making him sick.

He doesn't wear any.
Smells like a...

Parks, shut your mouth.

You're not my drill
instructor here, okay?

Doesn't mean you get
to be disrespectful.

I can do whatever the hell I want.
You're not in charge.

There's gotta be a link.

Diet, sexual history,
drug abuse.

No, and believe me,
I asked.

Those were some
fun conversations.

Did you believe the answers?

I know the answer to that is
always supposed to be no,

but I did.

Not like the kid has had much
unsupervised time lately.

Delivery for
a Dr. Robert Chase.

That's me.

Camp is
in the woods.

There are tons of
opportunities for infection

that not every
person will pick up.

Legionellosis from water,
toxoplasmosis from dirt,

brucellosis from animals.

Too bad none of those
explain his symptoms.

Casey and Sanford Wells
thank me

for my extraordinarily generous
donation to their wedding charity.

Aw!

Oh, God. She must have gotten
access to my credit card.

Nocardia fits.

The bacteria lives in the dirt.
They both spent plenty...

Nocardia starts in the
lungs, not the bladder.

How generous is
extraordinarily generous?

Call the charity, explain
the donation's a fraud.

And take back
Wells' wedding gift?

You are
extraordinarily screwed.

Bushes can make a happy hunting
ground for ticks. Lyme disease.

Neither of our patients
have a rash or a tick bite.

40% of Lyme patients don't develop a rash.
Bite is easy to miss.

Start them on
doxycycline for Lyme.

$2,500!

Cancel your credit card,
find that girl and marry her.

Go back, that was Jersey Shore.

I'm not watching that crap.

No, let him be your guinea pig.

You can dose me after
you're sure you're right.

The side effects
are fairly limited,

and it would be
better to treat you

before you develop
any more symptoms.

I want to wait.

I'm not your drill instructor,

I'm not trying to break you.

My only job is to
make you better.

I truly believe this
medicine is our best shot.

But whether or not you
take it is up to you.

Is there anything
else I can do for you?

Another pillow would be
cool, if you don't mind.

Hey.

Your turn to pick.

Ready, set, feed the monkey.

This isn't weird at all.

She's got the fine motor skills
of the Hulk in oven mitts.

Do you want a doodle?
Do you? Feed the monkey.

Cuddy puts her to bed at 7:30, which
cuts way into our training time.

Her play date's on Friday.

What is that?

Dog training clicker.

Gives immediate
positive reinforcement,

bridging the precious
seconds between

the desired behavior
and treat delivery.

House, she's not a dog.

That really
seems to be working.

Does Cuddy know
that Rachel's here,

and that you're turning
her into a schnauzer?

I told Maria that Rachel
and I are working on

a secret art project for Mommy.

Which means that
some paede's patient

is about to be
short one art project.

The sacrifices we make for
our children's education.

Who's a good girl?
Who's a good girl?

It had to be you. I gave you my
credit card to pay for drinks.

And I gave it back.
I didn't take the picture, now go away.

Forgive me if
I'm not convinced.

You're obviously pissed at me.

Because I thought we
totally had a connection.

And then when you didn't
ask me for my number...

A connection?

It was a threesome.

Yeah, but you were obviously more
into me than you were into Nika.

- Kenzie, honey.
- You have a phone call.

Just a minute, Dad.

I didn't want to say anything in
front of her, but you could have.

You live with your parents?

Just until graduation.

College?

How old are you?

Eighteen.

Next month.

Relax, it's not
illegal or anything.

Look, I just need this to stop.

Would you give it up, already?
I told you it's not me.

My parents won't even let me
on social networking sites.

Too many sexual predators.

Stop him!

Hey. Hey.
Where are you going?

Hey. You're sick, you
need to be in a hospital.

There's a million hospitals.
Ones that won't send me back to that camp.

Landon, what's going on?

Please help me,
don't send me back.

Those are my car keys.
You stole them out of my pocket?

"No bad kids," huh?

Did you stop Landon?

Yeah. Yeah. What's wrong?

My legs, they hurt.
Muscles are in a vise.

What does it mean?

Not sure yet.

10 diazepam, 40 potassium.

The leg pain was caused by a
muscle cramp from low sodium,

which was caused by
kidney dysfunction.

Landon didn't respond to doxycycline either.
I think we can rule out Lyme.

I thought I was
getting through to him,

but he just wanted
to steal my car keys.

If only his previous behavior had
given you a reason to expect that.

Why are you putting
hot sauce on a toy?

Maybe you don't care if children
chew on your caterpillar.

I think it's wrong.

What causes kidney dysfunction
on top of everything else?

Arsenic poisoning.

And people do change.

Driscoll took it to
heart when I asked him

to think about
Landon's history.

He was much nicer and then...

Wow, two ideas that
don't make any sense.

If it was arsenic, they'd
be puking and pooping.

And conversations
with moralizing strangers

do not make people
change their behavior.

Rachel is not gonna
do that more than once.

Whipple's could affect
the brain, kidneys, heart.

Not without
GI involvement.

Why is it impossible to believe

I made a compelling
argument and he...

If he changed,
it's because something

besides you made that
argument compelling.

Compromised kidneys secondary to bladder
issues points to botulism toxin,

which lives in soil.

Got into the kid's bloodstream

through the cut
on his forehead,

got into the drill instructor's

through some
abrasions on his feet.

Good idea.
Give them both the antitoxin.

I saw my chance to get out of here.
I had to take it.

Don't make excuses.
You tried to steal from me.

All these kids
are manipulators.

You can't let your guard down.

What do you mean
"all these kids"?

Don't lump me in with the
losers at that camp.

Seems like you belong there.
It may be your only chance.

Look, I've screwed up but I've never
been in trouble with the law.

You said you were
in for shoplifting.

The store owner caught me trying
to boost some chips and stuff,

called my DCS caseworker.

I thought all the kids were
there under court order.

That's usually how it works.

So why is he different?

Why would I take
a naked picture of you?

You're cute, but you're not that cute.
Now please, go.

You're the only one left.
You're pissed off.

I'm pissed off because
you're in my apartment,

and my boyfriend might
be here any minute.

Boyfriend.

The last thing I want to do is
publicize that I cheated on him,

so why would I prank you?

And where was this
boyfriend at the wedding?

Out of town.

Conveniently.

It's from my sister's
birthday last month.

And before you suggest he's my
brother, note how I'm kissing him.

You used me, I used you.
It was a mistake.

Now I just want
to forget about it.

I just got off the phone
with Landon's DCS caseworker.

You were right.
I'm not what made my argument compelling.

Where are we going?

To give your bladder an antibiotic
wash to protect against infection.

Who are you?

I'm Dr. House.

And that boy is the spitting
image of his mother.

Of course I've never seen her.

But his care worker
told my lackey

that you paid his enrolment
fee at the camp.

Now that could mean that
you're a family friend,

but then why hide it?

The only person
who'd want to hide it

is his deadbeat dad who's decided
not to be a deadbeat anymore.

Please don't tell him.

We spend days looking for
a link between them.

He doesn't tell us
the kid is his son.

We were looking for exposures.

He didn't think it was
medically relevant.

Soon he won't have to worry
about his kid finding out.

Being dead makes keeping
secrets much easier.

Neither one is responding
to botulism treatment.

And the boy started
having seizures.

And Driscoll
might have been right that

their biological
relationship doesn't matter.

Genetic illness emerges when
people are the same age,

not during the same week.

Unless there's a trigger.

Genetic conditions can be set off
by things in the surroundings,

and these two obviously
have shared surroundings.

That's a relatively
rare phenomenon,

which is our specialty, I know.

Our patients are related.
That can't be a coincidence.

I just had an idea.

Relevant to our case?

No.
Sit.

Wegener's can be brought on
by exposure to heavy metals.

You see anything at the camp?

Near the isolation hut, there were
some old generator batteries.

Could've leaked into the soil.

Seems like someone else at the
camp would've had lead poisoning.

You got anything better?

Treat with cyclophospamide.

Go find your bliss.

Now if you'll excuse me,
I have a play date.

Why didn't you
step forward when his mom died?

I found out she'd
passed months later.

By then, Landon was already
in the foster system.

I was figuring out a way to approach
him when he got into trouble,

so I brought him to the camp.

You need to tell him.

I can't. Not now.

If I die, the only thing
I'll ever be to him

is the hard-ass who made
him run obstacle courses.

You apologized to me for something
done in a psychotic state,

but you won't own up
to being his father.

What happened to actions have
consequences, a man accepts them?

I'm in his life,
and I am working

to get him on the right path.

He doesn't need
a drill instructor.

He needs a dad.

It's so sweet of you,
coming to this.

Just trying to be supportive.

I heard that's
what boyfriends do.

Hi, honey.
Hi. Did you have fun?

Yeah?

Rachel had a great time,
played with everything.

She's a very clever girl.

I'm sorry to ask this,

but we've had some problems
with parents coaching kids.

Rachel caught on to our
toys unusually quickly,

and she even knew the game
was called Feed the Monkey.

Well, as eager as I am
to have her go here,

I promise you,
I would never do that.

Hey, Rachel, have you ever
played Feed the Monkey before?

No, Mama.

She seems so dumb.

But when the pressure was on, she knew
what had to be done and she did it.

You're pumped
because your kid lied?

She's not my kid.
She's a pain in the ass.

And she's a better
liar than you are.

You didn't cut your leg
getting into your truck.

The abrasion has
dirt and gravel in it,

A bit of fertilizer, too.

I tripped in my greenhouse.

Growing my own organic veggies.

Didn't ask, not gonna tell.

She didn't hesitate.
She didn't oversell.

Took me years to learn how to lie like that.
Rachel has it on instinct.

Sounds like you're
real fond of that kid.

You're really not good
with nuance, are you?

I admire her talent.

I'm just gonna numb you up.

I gotta go.

Latest kidney function test
shows no improvement.

Nice stitches.
Did they hurt?

No, they gave me
a shot of something.

That was lidocaine.

It triggered an underlying genetic
condition called variegate porphyria.

That would explain
their symptoms.

But I didn't
have any lidocaine.

But you had a handful
of antihistamines,

courtesy of the deviant
in the next bed.

It's also a porphyria trigger.

Wait. So we have
the same genetic thing?

Yeah. Small world.

- This is good news.
- We can manage the condition with haematin.

Liver transplant could cure it.

Sometimes two patients
share one donated liver.

Would that work for us?

Possibly.

We'd have to test your blood,
tissue type, if they match.

Why would they?

Just because we have the
same thing making us sick...

Also...

I'm your father.

I don't believe you.

What, you don't think a white
guy can be a bad father?

Happy to check your DNA,

but do you really think he'd
say he's your dad if he isn't?

It's not like you're a catch.

You're evil.

Barely recognize you
with your clothes on.

You were at the wedding
with your sister.

Shared a room with her, too.

I came by to change my shoes
and found you in my bathroom.

Took you long
enough to find me.

Because when someone starts
pranking you, the logical suspect

is the overly protective sister

of a woman you slept with once.

This has nothing
to do with my sister.

Then what does it
have to do with?

If you really have no clue,
then you so deserved this.

All that creativity and energy
you put into pranking me,

seems like you were
trying to make a point.

You really don't want
to tell me what it was?

You're a really big fan
of John Hughes movies.

You inexplicably prefer Some Kind of
Wonderful to Sixteen Candles

though that's
probably because...

Mary Stuart Masterson looked
hot in those leather gloves.

We talked at the reception.
That's why you hate me?

It was fun.
It was great.

Until I mentioned that I don't
sleep with guys on the first date,

and then you said you had to go to the
bathroom and you never came back.

Actions have consequences.

Do you take vengeance on every
guy who acts like an ass?

Could be a full-time job.

When we were talking,
you seemed like a nice guy.

So either you're a great actor or
you're a nice guy who lost his way.

Whatever the reasons,

a little negative reinforcement
seemed to be warranted.

Oh, currently your password
is "great big ho."

Change it back to
anything but "password."

I'm sorry.

Let me prove it to you by
taking you out for dinner,

followed by not
sleeping with you.

I'm serious.

Not on your life.

We need to talk.

Nothing to say.

Okay.

I'll wait till you're ready.

You're my son.

I'm not going anywhere.

- Wait a minute.
- What is that?

A doggie.
What does it say?

That's right.

Waldenwood called.

They love Rachel
but they have no room.

Something about more siblings than usual.
We should apply next year.

She's a smart kid.
She'll be fine.

You mean that?

Yeah, I do.