House (2004–2012): Season 5, Episode 3 - Adverse Events - full transcript

House's investigator gets information on everyone, which House uses to stir the pot of their lives while the team tries to cure a portraitist whose artistic view now looks like Picasso.

I still can't believe
you talked me into this.

(CHUCKLING) Come on, honey,
you're gonna throw him off.

It's okay,
I'm almost done.

(SIGHS)

A little more light
on your hips.

God.

Why couldn't you have come up with this
before I had two kids?

(CHUCKLING)
You look amazing.

Okay, I think... Yeah, I'm done.
Want to come take a look?

(CHUCKLES)

(SIGHS) I can't.



(BOTH LAUGHING)

You first.

No, we'll look together.

I don't understand.
I thought...

What the hell is that?

Honey, it's okay.

This is not what we discussed,
or what I paid for.

I don't understand. I think
this is one of the best I've ever done.

I want my money back.

I'm sorry, but this is not
some department store photo studio.

And this is not my wife.

Yes, it is.

You asked me to paint her exactly
as she looks. That's exactly what I did.

Honey! Stop it!



What's going on?
Brandon.

That check better be in my mailbox
by Friday, or I'll be back.

Come on.

- What happened?
- I don't know.

They saw the painting,
and they just freaked out.

Brandon, what is this?

What do you mean?
It's her portrait.

What's wrong with it?

Why is this in here?

First column,
last entry.

Today is going
to be a good day.

This him?

- No.
- Yes.

She means,
are you the private investigator

whose bills I've tried
to slip through as medical expenses?

Oh. Hi.
I'm Lucas Douglas, Pl.

This hospital is not putting
a private investigator on retainer,

nor is it going to pay
any more

phony repairs
on vending machines,

cryostats, or elevators.

Information saves lives.
Saving lives saves money.

No, saving lives
costs money,

which is why I'm trying to make sure
there's still some left.

You want
your own personal Pl,

you're gonna have
to pay for him yourself.

- Sorry.
- No, I understand.

Hey, I like the shoes,
by the way.

Oh.

Thank you.

You don't like her shoes,
you like her legs.

It sounds less creepy
if you say shoes.

Less creepy, more gay.

That's my firm's motto.

What is a cryostat?

No idea. Whoever fixed ours
is about to get stiffed.

There's no distorted perspective
in any of his other recent works.

Not much talent either.

It's like the symptom
just came on.

Acute onset visual agnosia
points to a stroke or brain tumor.

TAUB: MRI revealed
no stroke or brain tumor.

We should do another
with contrast.

If he's like the other
struggling artists I've known,

he's also into drugs.

We should...
What are you looking at?

Apparently a moron.

One, ER routinely tests for drugs.

If it was positive,
we wouldn't be looking at this file.

Two, who pays 12% interest
on a car loan?

How did you...
Did you run a credit check on me?

No, that would be illegal.

Interestingly enough, paying someone
to run it for me, though...

(SCOFFS)

What?
It's part of my job.

Your job
is to diagnose patients.

Which I do with a team.

How am I supposed to know
how best to utilize that team

if I don't know
everything about them?

Say that Van Gogh turns out
to have neurosyphilis,

and our last vial of penicillin
is in a storeroom

at the end of a 20-mile hallway
with a two-foot-high ceiling.

You've discovered that one of us
has been hiding the ability

to stretch or
shrink themselves?

No, I would never
out someone's superpowers.

This, on the other hand...

You crawled 20 miles?

My name's
in the Guinness Book.

I'll bet that
really impresses the babes.

I didn't do it
to get the babes.

No, that would cheapen
the purity of your achievement.

Sorry to interrupt, but we have
a patient with a probable brain tumor.

Who needs an MRI with contrast.
We've established that.

What do you got on Taub?

I got nothing on Taub.

THIRTEEN:
Could also be environmental.

We should check his studio
for toxins, mold, fungus...

Taub's wife,
on the other hand...

FOREMAN: House.

That's enough.

Dad's right.
This is no time for gossip.

Patient desperately needs our help.

Check his head
and his house.

- Can't Lucas...
- No.

He's very busy.

FOREMAN: If there is a tumor,
this test will show us...

Is that stuff dangerous?

This is just
the contrast material.

There is a small risk
of an anaphylactic reaction.

I could stop breathing?

Don't worry. We're prepared
to deal with whatever happens.

You know, I did some drawings
this morning and they seem fine.

So, maybe it was just a reaction
to something I ate.

FOREMAN: How many people you know
have reactions like that

to something
they ate for breakfast?

But if I'm
getting better...

You'll continue to get better.

If you're not,
we need to know why not,

so we can start
treatment immediately.

Baby, let them do the test.

Can lead poisoning
cause visual agnosia?

TAUB: Not without lead showing up
in the blood work.

Nothing in the medicine cabinet
except some harmless toiletries.

No signs of mold
or fungus anywhere, either.

You think House really
got something on your wife?

No, not that
I care if he did.

Wait, your wife's doing
the doorman in your bed,

and they're sweating all over the sheets
that you paid for and...

- My wife's not doing the doorman.
- How do you know?

We don't have a doorman.

And I just do, okay?
Drop it.

In college, my friends and I came up
with an Inverse-Square Law.

Sounds like
a real fun group.

The girls who you think
are the most inhibited, straight arrows?

They're the ones
you hook up with.

Are you saying
my wife's a slut?

I'm saying if my wife was a slut,
I'd want to know.

KUTNER:
His place was clean.

So is his head.

Even with contrast,
no masses, no lesions.

A neurological symptom
with no apparent neurological cause.

Time course means
we can rule out cancer and MS.

That just leaves
toxins or drugs.

You called Thirteen a moron
for thinking it was drugs.

Yeah, when she said it,
she had other options.

And I really just wanted a segue
into her stupid loan and your...

A cavernous angioma
in the brain could leak.

Once the blood
gets reabsorbed,

pressure goes down,
symptom goes away.

He'll never consent
to petrosal vein sampling.

Really?

He was nervous
about an injection of contrast.

Is his girlfriend hot?

I'm not talking fever, here.

I mean, is she all curvy and perky?

Very. And if he dies,
it's good news for all of us, but...

That explains
why all his paintings suck.

And what's wrong with him.

Where are you going?

To tell him
he may have a massive brain tumor.

He doesn't.

I know. I'm not a moron.
It's drugs.

(DOOR OPENS)

You seem to have
a massive brain tumor.

Who are you?

He's Dr. House.
He's pleased to meet you.

We've found no trace
on any of your imaging,

so we need to cut
your head open.

It's risky,
but it's the only way to save your life.

No.

Wrong answer.

I'm not allowed
to say no?

You're not allowed
to not be terrified.

There's only two good reasons
not to be terrified in a hospital.

You're delusional, but then you're
not afraid of contrast material either,

or you know you're fine.
Since we haven't told you you're fine,

you obviously have information
that we don't have.

What drugs are you on?

His drug tests were clean.

Drug tests only test for drugs
they've made tests for.

What are you talking about?

(SIGHS)

Hottie thinks that
he's a great artist,

selling art
to the rich and tasteful.

She's stupid enough
to be fooled by the canvasses,

but bank accounts don't lie.
He needed money.

There are not many jobs you can do
that don't require time,

training and intelligence.

And I know you're not
a news anchor or supermodel

because those jobs seldom cause agnosia.
He's a guinea pig.

Companies pay him
to test their untested drugs.

Did Hottie
go for a pee or coffee?

'Cause either way, I don't think
we should waste any time on denials.

The clinical trials
were supposed to be safe.

The drugs are about to be approved
by the FDA.

"Drugs"?
How many trials are you on?

Three.

Admirable. Not many idiots
have that much ambition.

You've been symptom-free
since your admission,

so whatever you took
has probably cleared your system now.

You'll be fine.

Keep him overnight
just to make sure,

and get the names
of all the trials he's been in.

You gonna tell Heather?

Couldn't,
even if I cared enough to want to.

Not bad.
You almost made it the whole day.

What did you find out?

The point is to see
how everyone reacts.

You may go get
the rest of the gang.

Cut the crap, House.

Your wife
has a separate bank account

in her name only.

She's been making weekly cash deposits
for about a year now.

No withdrawals yet.

That's it? A bank account?

A secret bank account.

What makes you think
it's a secret?

Because if it wasn't
you would call it "the" bank account.

Damn, always forget to use
the right article when lying.

It's not secret.
We're refurnishing.

We set the budget,
set up an account.

I just couldn't make it to the bank
the day we opened it.

You're spending
almost $100,000 on furniture?

Yes.

(PAGERS BEEPING)

TAUB: What happened?

FOREMAN: I don't know. He was fine,
then all of a sudden he started seizing.

He said you told him
he was better.

What's happening?
What's wrong with him?

(CHOKING)

(MACHINES BEEPING)

She is hot.

Obviously, the drugs
weren't out of his system.

None of these drugs,
nor the drugs they're derived from,

- are known for causing seizures.
- By themselves, no.

But three unproven,
untested drugs?

It's like The Mod Squad,
no one can stop them.

It's ridiculous that
they let people take

potentially dangerous
drugs for money.

Just to short circuit
that discussion,

people should not be testing drugs
because they're desperate.

But people won't test drugs
unless they're desperate.

We need drugs
to save children and puppies,

ergo we need desperate people,
ergo welfare kills sick children.

- First drug...
- Why don't we call it Bisexidrene?

Clinical trials involve
experimental drugs.

Means they don't have
comforting, catchy names yet,

just random,
unmemorable trial numbers.

(BEEPING)
Go ahead.

Bisexidrene is designed
as an anticoagulant.

Phase one indicated some risk
of nausea, ED and insomnia.

Second drug...

Cuckoldisol.

- She is having an affair?
- Worse.

Sex can be dismissed as hormonal
or emotional, can be easily regretted.

Money is always
a calculated decision.

My wife has
her own bank account

that House doesn't
think I know about.

Shocking. Discuss.

Drug B is an autoimmune treatment,
almost no side effects.

But even if it's doing
what it's supposed to be doing,

it doesn't mix well
with anticoagulants or anticonvulsants.

KUTNER:
Which is the third drug?

World's-sorest-knees-isil.

Cuddy used to have that title,
by the way.

There's a million ways
these drugs could interact,

if they're doing
what they're supposed to.

If they're not,
two million.

And it'd be interesting to know
which of those interactions

was causing the problem.
Unfortunately, we don't have to.

We just have to stop
the interacting.

- If we don't know which...
- We stop them all.

Put him on dialysis,
clear out his system.

Rapid detox
risks arrhythmia,

another seizure,
hepatic failure...

Difference is we know what
those risks are. Put him on dialysis.

Dialysis. You use that
for kidney failure, right?

Don't worry,
your kidneys are fine.

He's not worried
about his kidneys.

He's worried about
how he's going to explain

the dialysis to his girlfriend.

I just don't want her to worry.

You mean you don't want her
to leave you.

What's wrong with that?
I love her.

It's not like I've lied to her
about anything important.

I am an artist.

I've sold plenty of paintings
in the past,

I just hit a bit
of a dry spell lately, so...

So tell her that.

He can't.

He wants her to be happy, too.

He's telling her
what she wants to hear.

You didn't know.

No.

What are you gonna do?

She's not sleeping around,
she's not gambling it away,

she hasn't even
spent any of it,

so I don't see a reason
to do anything.

You don't think
a conversation...

How many people
do you know

in completely happy
and fulfilled relationships?

- None.
- I am.

Most people cling to some storybook
notion of what a relationship is.

You can't have
an imperfect thought.

You can't have a private zone.
You can't...

Steal money and hide it away
in a secret account?

She makes me happy.
I make her happy. It works.

Because we
don't do storybook,

and I don't plan
to poke into her business.

You were right
about the dialysis.

He made it through the night
without any more seizures

or visual symptoms.

And I'm gonna
be just as right

after breakfast
up in my office.

The only difference is I'm gonna be
right in front of other people.

Which means you're not here
to talk about the medicine.

You can screw with me
all you want at work,

but stay out of
my personal life.

What did she say?

Did you just hear
what I said?

I heard the part about "You can screw
with me at work all you want."

- You want my advice?
- Of course not.

Good, because I have no idea
what you should do.

I only know
what you're going to do.

- You're gonna...
- I said I didn't want your advice.

I said this is not advice.

You are going to forgive her
for opening that account,

and you're gonna confess
everything you've done

and then you're gonna
beg her to forgive you.

(ELEVATOR DINGS)

What purpose
could that possibly serve?

None, which is why I'm not saying
you should, but you will.

DOUGLAS ON EARPHONE:
What's your end game?

Where are you?

I'm at the track.

That's like six miles away.
How cool are these things?

I feel like an idiot.

I'm not giving you
any more of my stuff.

Do you have those
night vision goggles?

No.

You're lying.

You like making him miserable.

You like driving
people away from you.

He deserved
to know the truth.

There was no truth
until you dug it up.

HOUSE ON EARPHONE:
You do know that stuff exists

even when you can't see it, right?

It was a truth
that mattered to him

and a truth
that mattered to her,

why did it matter to you?

First of all, stop saying "a" truth.
There is only one truth.

That may be
true for you.

Miserable people
save more lives.

If your life has meaning,
your job doesn't have to have meaning.

Screw-ups are more palatable
if you have someone's arms to go cry in.

That makes sense.

Usually, I have more
of a fight on that one.

So why are you making
Taub miserable?

I just said...

He left his last job
to save his marriage.

If his marriage falls apart, you think
he'll be working harder for you?

Or you think he won't be
working for you at all?

(BRANDON WHEEZING)

FOREMAN: His head and neck
are completely swollen.

I need a Trach kit.
His throat's closing.

(MACHINES BEEPING)

- Can't find any landmarks.
- Just start cutting.

- An exploratory trach?
- We don't have a choice.

- I got it.
- Here.

KUTNER: His face is so swollen
it's squeezed his tear ducts shut.

We've been lubricating
his eyes by hand.

We've started him on steroids, IV,
and cream to reduce the swelling,

but it's having limited effect.

Negative for thrombosis and Chagas.
Could be infection.

Cultures still negative.

Could be his immune system's
on hyperdrive, cytokine storm.

Why would you pay
for a three-year gym membership

and only go twice?

Sorry.
You guys still diagnosing?

I thought
we finished hours ago.

You remember, when we decided
it was the unproven,

unapproved cocktail of drugs he's
been downing like... Like a cocktail.

He just completed
a total dialysis.

If it was the drugs,
he'd be better.

Or he'd be worse.

I take it none of you
saw Trainspotting.

You think swelling
is a symptom of withdrawal?

You think it's a coincidence
that three new symptoms cropped up

as soon as we took him
off the drugs?

It's possible some
of the symptoms...

Either the drugs
are the answer

or the drugs
are a coincidence.

If it's one, we have to find
a better way to detox him.

If it's two, we have to know
which symptoms are withdrawal related

before we can formulate
a diagnosis.

Which means we have to find
a better way to detox him.

So how do we do it?

Hair of the drug
that bit him.

That's ridiculous.

If it is the drugs, they're dangerous,
and they've already caused...

That's why we're
gonna put him back on the drugs,

then wean him off again.

Just much slower.

Why are you
looking at him?

Try it out.

You heard the boss. Go!

- Taub...
- I didn't talk to her.

Why are you...

Excuse me.

Uh, sorry.

He does look like me,
doesn't he?

You gave him your hat?

I needed you out of here
so I could go through your desk.

Of course.

Nice blouse.
I really like that color on you.

Tell House that if he wants to know
what I'm doing,

all he has to do...

It's not House. It's me.
I was... I don't know.

I was thinking maybe we could
get together for a drink or something.

I wasn't sure exactly
what you like to do, so I thought...

- You'd spy on me?
- No, no, not spying.

More like research. I think it's a good
idea to get to know a little bit more

about a woman
before you ask her out.

Show you care about more
than just what she looks like.

As romantic
as you make that sound,

pretty sure
that what you're doing

is not so much
caring as creepy.

That's not fair.

You were scrounging
through my desk.

What the hell am I going to find out?
You went to Michigan.

You like your sandwiches
a little light on mayo.

You stay in touch
with your mother.

You rented
The English Patient

and you gave money
to Amnesty International.

There's not one thing
I can find out in here

that you wouldn't tell a co-worker
while riding in an elevator.

I'm not a creep.
I just thought you seemed interesting.

I'll go now.

Yeah, these...

(SNAPS FINGERS)

I'll give you
embarrassing info on House.

In exchange for...

No. No need for a date.

You'd be employing me,
so I'd have all the time in the world

to ask you all about
you and it would fall

under the category of socializing,
instead of creepy stalking.

- And I'd be paying you?
- I know it's weird.

But if you pay me while I check you out,
it's all cool.

And you'd get value.
You'd get leverage against him.

Help you keep him in line.

You think I need help
keeping House in line?

No.

Nope. I'm sorry.

This hospital can't afford...

Oh, whatever you can afford.

How did you know
I liked roses?

I was in your house
last night.

(CHUCKLING)
No, I'm kidding.

Who the hell
doesn't like roses?

I forgot to tell you,

the Parker Quartet is going to play
at the library fundraiser.

That's it?
It was your idea.

They'll be great.

Mmm-hmm.

You Okay?

I couldn't find
the letter opener.

I went through some of the drawers
in your desk, looking for it.

There were a bunch of statements
in there from Jefferson Mutual.

I was so close.

To what?

You've got $83,000 socked away
in a secret account.

Not anymore.

I wanted to keep it a surprise,

but I bought you the car.

(LAUGHING)

Uh...

The one that I...

(CHUCKLES)

I knew you would never buy it yourself,
so I've been saving.

And it's gonna be delivered
on Friday.

(BOTH LAUGHING)

You are amazing.

Lucky you.

(LAUGHING)

We've gradually
reduced your dosage.

You're actually drug-free now.

I feel great.
Thanks to you.

All part of the job.

Your blood pressure is normal.
Can you sit up?

Hey!

What are you...

(BOTH GRUNTING)

(GROANS)

What happened to his face?

Question is,
what happened to his hormones?

We're gonna need
an ice pack in here.

KUTNER: We can rule out
the clinical trial drugs at this point.

His system has been
completely cleaned twice.

So unless the drugs found
a hiding place under the stairs...

Drugs could have set off
a dormant neurological condition.

Good point.
Coming clean causes a lot of damage.

Alienation, divorce...

My wife's buying me a car.

- I was talking about the patient.
- You were wrong.

The divorce was metaphorical.

FOREMAN: What about
Kluver-Bucy Syndrome?

Bilateral lesions
in the temporal lobes.

Visual agnosia and hyper-sexuality
are the key symptoms.

Good thing he's got
that girlfriend.

If it's Kluver-Bucy,
his brain will melt down,

he'll try to swallow
his own hands

and she can take care of him
for the rest of his talentless life.

You owe me an apology.

Any rationalization
you had for meddling

in my private life
disappeared

when she had
good reason...

You're right.

Fact is,
nothing I said applies.

You had no reason
to forgive her,

therefore no reason to seek forgiveness,
no reason to be an idiot.

Kluver-Bucy wouldn't explain
the seizure or the cytokine storm.

Withdrawal complications.

Then again,
she is handing you a giant gift

that you don't think you deserve.

The fact that the MRI showed no lesions
on the temporal lobe tends to rule out

your "lesions
on the temporal lobe" theory.

The damage can be a circulatory issue,
rather than structural.

We wouldn't see that
on the MRI.

Foreman's right.

Go call your wife,
tell her you're not coming home,

say you have to give
a patient a cranial MR angiogram,

then say good night
and hang up.

Odd that a man who can't run
would own so many pairs of sneakers.

You mind hanging this up
when you're done?

I have to find something
embarrassing about you.

No, you don't.
I ordered us Indian.

Not too embarrassing.
Just something credible.

Well, if you hand her that,
she's not gonna need you anymore.

If I don't hand her anything,
she'll think I'm incompetent.

I don't care if she thinks
you're incompetent.

This isn't gonna work.

It's worked so far.

I'm not good at lying.

I know.

That's why your cover is
that you want to do her.

I like her.
I don't want to do her.

Then what's the point
of liking her?

I meant I don't just want to do her.
I like her.

What do you think
you're gonna find out about her?

Something personal,
something embarrassing.

I spend half my life
negotiating with that woman.

Anything I can use
to scare her into saying yes.

Okay-

"Okay"?

You're okay with being paid twice
to facilitate blackmail?

I'm okay. I don't believe you.
But I'm okay.

You're doing this
for the same reason I'm doing this.

We'll see
who gets there first.

Here it is. Circle of Willis,
the vessels are narrow.

Narrow for you,
normal for him.

If there were problems
with the vessels,

he would have had symptoms
long ago.

- Not if something else changed.
- Like?

TAUB: His heart.

He could have recently gotten
an intermittent arrhythmia.

I know "heart" and "head" start
with the same three letters,

but you've got to read
all the way to the end.

The experimental drugs
cause an arrhythmia

which causes low blood pressure.

Combine that
with those narrow vessels,

the brain doesn't
get enough blood.

That causes
all of his symptoms.

If we can trigger the arrhythmia
and identify it,

we might be able to stop it
from killing him.

- Been home?
- No.

Good. Do an EP study.
Find the arrhythmia.

We're gonna insert three
electrical catheters into your heart.

Tell Dr. Hadley I'm sorry.

She understands,
and you should tell her yourself.

Maybe I should tell
Heather about it.

You're gonna be fine.

She's so supportive, she's so great.
All I do is lie to her.

What happens if you tell her?

I don't know.

You love her, right?

More than anything,
and she loves me.

If you open your mouth,
one of two things happens,

she either forgives you
or she leaves you.

At best, you wind up
exactly where you are right now.

It's noble to want to confess.
Really, it is.

But if the result's
just damage and pain,

that's not noble,
it's selfish.

TAUB: Stimulate right atrium.

Normal conduction.

How long you plan
on keeping me from going home?

Until you're convinced
I'm a different person,

one who won't do
anything stupid?

Guilt fades quickly.
By Wednesday, you'll be fine.

Right ventricle.
And why do you want it to fade?

Why do you suddenly care
about my marriage?

Because if it ain't broke...

You obviously think
it is broke.

And you obviously
think it ain't.

Your marriage
is like a broken toaster.

Bread keeps popping out,
and you keep calling it toast,

which is weird because you've put
your bread in a lot of toasters,

and apparently you don't see any
difference. It's kind of fascinating.

(MACHINE BEEPING)
He's going into V-tach.

What's wrong?

Good news,
test is working.

Your heart's freaking out, but it's cool
that you're still conscious.

(WHEEZING)
Try to overdrive.

Didn't work.

(PANTING)

This might burn a little bit.
Charging to 60. Clear.

Ow!

Going again.
Charging to 120.

Have you been
dyeing your hair?

- No.
- House. Clear.

Right.

(GROANS)

Your hair's growing in red.

(BRANDON PANTING)

TAUB:
His heart rate is stabilized.

Does your theory include
any genetic mutations

that could cause
his hair to change color?

Then either
he's lying about dyeing

or just dying.

Red hair means it's not Kluver-Bucy.

Melanin affects hair color.
What affects melanin?

- Hormones.
- Hormone panels were all normal.

Age.

He's turning prematurely crimson?

FOREMAN:
A genetic disorder.

Waardenburg Syndrome causes
arrhythmias and can change hair color.

And make you deaf. Next.

I found a long QT interval.
I think it's Romano-Ward Syndrome.

Explains the irregular heart rhythms.

But not the ginger nut.

FOREMAN: If he's got Romano's,
he's got at least five gene mutations.

It's not a big leap to think he has
others that would give him the hair.

It also gives him the likelihood
of sudden and unexpected death.

Beta blockers don't work.
His heart can't handle an ICD.

Pete Best.

Good God, has none of you
ever read a history book?

The original Beatles drummer.

A bunch of nerves
controls the tempo of the heart.

They're all playing in time,
except one dude who can't keep the beat,

wrecks the whole thing,
so we hire Ringo.

Pete Best was actually
a great drummer.

But I assume you mean the patient
needs a cardiac sympathectomy?

I probably should have
just said that, huh?

You start cutting nerves, you risk
his swallowing, vocal cords, sweating...

So he saves a fortune
on karaoke machines and deodorant.

You think he's stable
enough for surgery?

If he was,
he wouldn't need it.

CUDDY: Wow.

- Wow.
- Yeah.

Do you have
any brothers and sisters?

One sister.

He told me he was
on the lacrosse team.

In high school. In college he just
cheered the lacrosse team on to victory.

- Wow.
- Yeah.

How was your relationship
with your dad?

Fine.
You have three more questions.

How was your relationship
with your mom?

Fine.

When did you lose
your virginity?

Not something I discuss
with co-workers in an elevator.

And...

And...

You know, don't you?

Bit of a wasted
third question

'cause the answer is
"Know what?"

Okay,
bear with me here,

because some people sometimes consider
my thought processes complicated.

I'm into you
'cause you're hot and smart,

in that order,
but both are needed.

Photos can be retouched,

and House is an evil genius,
which makes this photo suspicious.

And yet you're
not suspicious.

Which means either you're not
smart enough to be suspicious,

in which case,
I am less interested in you.

Or you're not suspicious
because you know

this is actually
a doctored photo of House.

In which case,
I am more interested in you.

But I'm wasting my time
because you know

this is a game
we are playing on you

and I am busted
and I'm screwed.

I know the photo's a fake.

I know this is a game.

Sorry.

Too bad.

Good bye.

So you knew that I wasn't
gonna give you anything worthwhile?

And you were never gonna give me
anything worthwhile?

Then why did you bother
coming out with me?

I wanted to screw with House.

By wasting my time?
That doesn't make sense.

No.
There must be another reason.

Hmm.

Is it okay
if I sit back down here?

(CHUCKLES)

THIRTEEN:
Your heartbeat's out of control.

We need to surgically sever the
connection between your heart and brain.

We believe it's necessary,
but you need to know the ramifications.

You'll never be able
to feel angina.

You may not know
if you have a heart attack,

may not be able
to get help in time.

Where are my regular doctors?

Regular doctors?

Dr. Taub and Dr. Hadley.

Why aren't they telling me this?

Brandon, I am Dr. Hadley,
and this is Dr. Taub.

What are you talking about?
I've never seen you before in my life.

TAUB:
We can't do the surgery.

We're back to where we started,
visual agnosia.

We need to re-examine
neurological disorders,

- something slowly progressing.
- This isn't progressing.

It's there,
then it's not, then it is.

It's a new symptom, intermittence.

It's irrelevant.

Since when
is a new symptom irrelevant?

Since it points towards
the same disease.

Intermittence can fit
with Romano-Ward.

We still need to do
a sympathectomy.

Maybe we missed something, toxins.

When?
When you checked every bottle,

every can, every tube of paint,
or when you detoxed him twice?

Maybe there was
a batch of toxic paint

that he used up
a few months ago.

Then he would have been
sick months ago, not now.

He's lost weight
since he got here.

That's a symptom of trying
to cram hospital food

down a throat
he can barely get air down.

It's not a symptom,

but what if the toxins were stored
in his fat cells a year ago,

and now they're being
released into his bloodstream?

So where are you gonna
get this old paint, the city dump?

On his old paintings.
We know he hasn't sold one in ages,

but there weren't many in his studio.
He's hid them somewhere.

If you're wrong,
he could drop dead

from Romano-Ward at any moment.
You okay with that?

Just give me a few hours.

You got one.

I need to talk
to him alone.

It's about your work.
Your paintings.

I need to look at all the ones
you've sold recently.

Honey, can you
give us a minute?

To talk about
your paintings?

Brandon, please.
Tell me what's going on.

I've only sold two paintings
in the last three years, since we met.

One was to my cousin.

I've been making money
enrolling in drug trials.

Two, three at a time.

Why did you lie to me?

I want to be...

The way you look at me,
the way it makes me feel...

I want to be what you see
when you look at me.

You think
I'm that shallow?

When I look at you,
I see you.

So,

where are the ones
you didn't sell?

(THUDDING)

(PHONE RINGING)

It's not the paint,
it's the drugs.

He's not on the drugs

I know it doesn't make sense,

but I'm looking at his paintings
for the last six months.

They're normal
April, June and August,

but they're distorted
May, July, September.

Every other month,
he was having visual agnosia

because every other month, he was
on all three drugs simultaneously.

The statin was one month on,
one month off.

I don't know why the symptoms
keep coming and going,

but it is the drugs.

They're hiding
under the stairs.

In the fat?
That doesn't make sense.

These drugs aren't fat soluble.

I said stairs, not closet.

What was the last drug he was on
before the drugs he was on

when the symptoms started?

I'm not sure, I think...

Antacid.

- How do you know?
- It makes sense.

Also, I'm looking
at the file.

(PHONE RINGING)

Yes.

It's Dr. House.

Wake him up.
We're done.

No, no, he says he needs surgery,
but not this one.

Did he give any specifics?

Abdominal surgery
to remove a bezoar.

It's like a hairball,
but it's made up of undigested food.

You can get it
if your stomach acid's low,

which Brandon's was
because of an experimental antacid.

The fruit and vegetable
fibers and skins

get stuck together
and form a ball.

It gets sticky,
ferments, grows.

It starts sucking up
some of the pills he'd taken.

Some are never heard from again,
but some get released.

For the last week,
it's basically been giving him

massive doses
of all three at once.

That is why I won't
let Cameron buy a cat.

He should be fine.

(CHUCKLES)

Are you glad
he told you the truth?

Yes. Of course.

But were you happier
before you knew?

About 10 more feet.

I do know what it looks like,
so maybe this whole blindfold thing...

Shh. My gift, my rules.
Bump!

All right,
if you don't like the color,

apparently we can exchange it,

but I'm hoping...
You ready?

Ta-da!

(CHUCKLES)

Do you like it?

Baby, are you okay?

We need to talk.

(PIANO PLAYING)

She didn't buy it.

Damn.

(PIANO PLAYING)

So, you didn't get anything?

Nothing.
We probably overstepped.

You're really not
the cheerleader type.

On the other hand, I figured she
probably wouldn't figure me as the

"Photoshopping a photo and planting it
in a college paper" type either.

(CHUCKLES)
Yeah. About that,

I took a little trip
to your alma mater.

You took a little trip
150 miles?

Online, by phone.
I meant I did research.

That's a real photo,
isn't it?

(EXCLAIMS)

Wow, that is humiliating.

(PIANO PLAYING)

There was a girl.

Even more so.

That's too bad. You wanted her
to see you in a different light,

and not only
didn't she see it,

but she didn't even believe
it was possible.

You know, people hate people
who have theories about people.

You want me to back off?

Would you?

I barely know you.

(HARMONIZING)