House (2004–2012): Season 5, Episode 22 - House Divided - full transcript

(SPECTATORS CHEERING)

(SILENCE)

(CHEERING)

145 pounds. Johnson, Miller.

(WHISTLE BLOWS)

(EXPLOSION)

(SCREAMING IN PAIN)

(EXPLOSION)

(SCREAMING)

AMBER: House.

House.



I know you're not asleep.

That insight would be
a lot more impressive

if you weren't just a product
of my exhausted brain.

Aren't you curious
about why I'm here?

Curious why no French maid's outfit,
no spanky pants...

I'm a hallucination,
not a fantasy.

It's insomnia. Four nights
without REM sleep can cause...

That might explain why
you're hallucinating,

doesn't explain why you're hallucinating
Wilson's dead girlfriend.

Probably because of my secret
and very unconscious desire

to get Wilson
into my bedroom.

Or maybe your guilt
over Kutner's suicide

reminds you of how guilty
you felt about me.

Who cares why you're here?



A decent night's sleep
and you won't be.

(PAGER BEEPING)

(SIGHS)

Guess I'll be around
a few more hours.

Need some coffee?

Addictive substances are no substitute
for nature's healing balm.

Let's make this fast.
I need to sleep.

Deaf 14-year-old started
hearing imaginary explosions.

Exploding head syndrome. Cool.
Obviously his brain knows how to hear.

Patient went deaf at age four,
complication of meningitis.

AMBER: So, why no
cochlear implant?

FOREMAN: Usual suspects
are insomnia, which he doesn't have,

migraines, which
he doesn't get,

and head trauma, which
didn't show up on the CT.

Damn imaginary pen.

Mom's signature's on
everything. Did Dad die?

No, I doubt it. He was a sperm donor.
Medical records couldn't be cleaner.

So, we're left with
temporal lobe seizure.

Wrong.

Someone at the wrestling meet
would have noticed a seizure.

Could have just looked like
a bad shot to the leg.

Put him in the seizure lab, see if
his head blows up all over again.

You're gonna ignore
your own subconscious?

Gonna be the limp
leading the blind.

(DOOR OPENING)

I need a scrip
for sleeping pills.

My neighbor's dog has
been keeping me awake,

and it seems strangely
invulnerable to poison.

Why is the soon-to-be-second-prettiest
Dr. Chase here?

I'll take that as
a "Congratulations."

We're discussing a case.

Why did he close
that file?

Wedding in two weeks?
I'd say you were pregnant,

but I don't think Chase's body
is mature enough to produce sperm.

It's a small ceremony,
why wait?

Mighty-night.

Drugs with no lecture?
He wants you out.

Interesting case?

Possible prostate cancer
came into the ER.

Pencil cup.

(EXCLAIMING)

No wonder his prostate is enlarged.
It's full of pool cues and cigars.

Chase's best man doesn't
get here till the day of the wedding,

so I asked Wilson to
throw his bachelor party.

No retired ministers
available to plan it?

Chase doesn't want
some big, raucous party.

So she says.

Luckily, there are people in this world
ready to stand up for what's right.

No, no, no.
I don't want you to...

Listen, of the two things I do well,
bachelor parties rank towards the top.

I get to help, right?

Starting five hertz.

House made it through
that entire differential

without mocking our patient
for not having a cochlear implant.

The patient doesn't want an implant
because he's comfortable with who he is.

It's admirable.

He's deaf, that's not an identity,
it's a disability.

It's also a culture.

The deaf have their own schools,
their own language.

Still no spiking.

FOREMAN: Going to 20.

Anything I can simulate with a $3 pair
of ear plugs is not a culture.

No sign of seizure.
Temporal lobe activity is still clean.

Doctors. Doctors, he can't see.
One of his eyes.

"The limp leading the blind."

Is that supposed
to mean something?

I didn't think so.

So, exploding head syndrome
plus vision loss.

Subclavian steal syndrome.
Vascular defect

coupled with constant arm movement could
siphon blood flow from the brain.

THIRTEEN: We should do
an angio, check his...

Knock yourselves out.

How did I know he
was gonna go blind?

Don't get cute, Gazoo. You're
in my mind, you're obviously there.

AMBER: C-reactive protein.

I noticed in his file
it was slightly elevated.

I figured the stress of the seizure lab
would drive the inflammation even higher

and lead to optic neuritis.

That's a lot clearer
than "the limp leading the blind."

It was just a glimmer.
I couldn't put it into words.

It was a long shot.

I don't even remember
the C-reactive protein level.

Obviously you do,
you just don't know it.

How high is K2?

- I don't know.
- Me neither.

But I read a book
about it years ago.

A fierce, sexy Sherpa on the cover,
bending over to...

28,251 feet.

Cool.

An all-access pass
to my own brain.

Go play the kid some music.

Why?

Another long shot.

We're using iodine dye to track the
blood flow in your neck and arm.

(RAP MUSIC PLAYING
ON BOOMBOX)

House, what are you doing?

What does it look like I'm doing?
Fighting the power.

Feel that? How cool is that?

Apparently your mom doesn't
care what you're missing.

You're an ass.

MS. MILLER: He says he feels
the vibrations in his abdomen,

but not his hand.

What does that mean?

It's a new symptom.
Neuropathy.

Thought you were
gonna get some sleep.

The case got interesting.

It's like the zoo.

Except you can
bang on the glass as much as you want.

How'd you know about
the neuropathy?

Good question.

Enough with the riddles.

Tell me about it.

Think wrestling record.

Juggling.

No, pins, three pins.

Patient was pinned
in his last three matches.

Leading up
to that he was 15-and-0.

I figured his balance was off
from diminished sensation.

Could be increased ICP
from a brain tumor.

That we missed
on the head CT?

Cutting weight for wrestling
could've led to rhabdomyolysis.

Patient went up a weight class
three months ago.

Foreman's right.

Actually, increased
ICP could make sense.

FOREMAN: You just said...

I was processing.

It also puts a new
symptom on the table.

His deafness.

What if it was caused by NF2 cancer,
instead of his childhood meningitis?

So, meningitis was
a coincidence.

Or a by-product of the cancer
suppressing his immune system.

MRI his head.

If you're right about
NF2, his deafness may be reversible.

I'll set it up
and talk to the patient.

You two doing anything?

(ROCK MUSIC PLAYING)

Do you know what a
"Broken Cowboy" is?

It was on House's
list of requirements.

I have three theories.

Why is House so into
this bachelor party?

He needs to have a reason
to be into a bachelor party?

He needs a reason
to be into anything.

Give me your wallet.

House could be trying to tempt Chase
into cheating, break them up.

You think House
is into Cameron?

I think House is into
Cameron being into him.

Marrying Chase would
shatter that fantasy.

If Chase cheats, they shouldn't be
getting married in the first place.

So, you're okay with House getting Chase
smashed enough to make a stupid mistake?

Being drunk doesn't change who you are,
it just reveals it.

You think she can
do the Broken Cowboy?

God, I hope so.

NF2 is an extremely slow-growing cancer,
which makes it very treatable.

If we're right, taking out the tumor

means there's a chance
you'll regain your hearing.

No, they said you have to.

What's wrong?

He wants you to treat the cancer,
but leave him deaf.

Sorry. It doesn't
work like that.

But why?

I don't know.

Imaging shows slightly elevated ICP,
but no masses on or around the nerves.

It's not cancer.

Slight bowing in the wall of the fourth
ventricle, could still indicate a tumor.

We brought pictures.

The fact that you sent me
on a scouting mission...

No skirts.

You're not on the guest list.

Bachelor parties are an ancient and
sacred male rite of passage.

The ventricle bowing is most likely
a pre-existing anatomical anomaly,

not the indication
of a tumor.

No way to know for sure
without a brain biopsy.

If I get drunk enough,

there's a chance I might make out
with one of the strippers.

Or become one.

- Sold.
- Sold.

We can't just drill
into our patient's brain on a hunch.

- God, not her.
- God, not her.

She's the one that got me
hooked in with Madoff.

Taub's right.
It's not cancer.

HOUSE: Yeah, by all means,

abandon a great diagnostic
theory because it's difficult to prove.

Do a biopsy. We need to take a better
look at his fourth ventricle.

Or an older look.

The mom is never gonna let us touch
his brain without some evidence.

Patient broke his nose years ago.
Hospital could've done an MRI.

Okay-

The main reason my third wife
and I eloped

was to avoid House's bachelor party.

Have you seen Caligula?

(DOOR OPENING)

My patient's brain now versus three
years ago. See any difference?

Is he telling you
to avoid the party?

I took an oath
to do no harm.

Sure, don't come,

if you want your wedding
vows to be meaningless.

This should be interesting.

You are going to commit
to that one special woman forever,

which is beautiful.

But if your commitment
the day after the wedding

is the same as
your commitment the day before,

then the wedding
meant nothing.

So, and I see
no logical way around this,

if you want your marriage to matter,

you have to be a wanton, trolling,
muck-covered pig the day before.

You're evil. See you.

The wall of the fourth ventricle
changed,

it isn't
bowed in the older scan.

Evidence of NF2, right?

You'd need to do
a brain biopsy to confirm.

I'm not going
to the bachelor party.

Every time I go to
one of your parties,

I end up embarrassing
myself in some new and unexpected way.

That whole thing with the duck
was hardly unexpected.

I'm not going.

Okay-

It's not okay.

AMBER: Do you know
who we need?

That stripper you got for
Wilson's bachelor party.

You could do body shots
right off her.

Why go back to that well?
In the nine years since Wilson's party,

a whole new generation of hot girls
have been abused by their stepfathers.

She loved cats.

Why would you remember
that a stripper loved cats?

Chase has a cat,
they'll bond.

House, you entertaining
yourself up there?

Just rehearsing for the
revival of Evita. What did you find?

Biopsy shows nerve
inflammation consistent

with increased
intracranial pressure.

Something's wrong,
but it's not cancer.

He's gonna go
through life deaf.

He's okay with that.

He has no idea
what he's missing.

His mom's a moron.

He's gonna pay for her stupidity
for the rest of his life?

Are we okay with that?

Why are you closing? You're supposed
to put in a cochlear implant.

That wasn't in the paperwork.

Really? Well, someone must have
screwed up. I'll go track it down.

- I'll wait.
-That's a great idea.

Let the kid spend more timeunder
anesthesia with his skull cracked open.

I'll wait.

I've been known to lie
to serve my own agenda.

An implant does absolutely
nothing to help me diagnose him.

Let's get an implant
tray in here.

(HIGH-PITCHED FEEDBACK)

(CLOCK TICKING)

(WATER DRIPPING)

(PEOPLE CHATTERING)

(PHONE RINGING)

Just try to relax.

Her son didn't
want the implant.

If he still doesn't want it, after
having time to adjust, I'll take it out.

I'll blind him, too, if he wants
to experience that culture.

Remove it now.

Kid just had brain surgery.
He's not stable.

Ms. Miller, I'm not trying to minimize
Dr. House's wrongdoing,

but the best thing
for your son...

Why is she sitting?

She's not yelling, not threatening,
not pacing, just sitting.

CUDDY: Understand,
Dr. House?

House, focus.

I need you to say you
accept the arrangement.

No problem. You're not mad.

I'm mad.

Not mad enough.

You wanted your son to hear.

You just didn't have the guts
to make him get the implant.

Once my son is stable,
I want that thing out of his head.

Why did you do this?

Because he is ignorant
and he's being raised by an idiot.

Not good enough,
you always have...

My patient is opting
into a handicap.

He's an insult to all
the other gimps out there.

Okay-

But I'm still putting Foreman
in charge of the case.

That's the arrangement?

Okay-

You're okay with
Foreman in charge?

Who you calling?

Oh, right, you don't want
to look like a lunatic.

Yeah, about that.

You think we did
the wrong thing?

I'm not sure. I'm not
even sure why we did it.

That argument you made to Cuddy
sounded pretty good.

To you, maybe.

Huh. I figured by now you'd be at
the board in your monocle and jodhpurs.

Yeah, you did something stupid.
Quick, better mock someone.

Why did you do it?

Why did I give a human being
the power of hearing?

You can ask God the same question,
he'll give you the same answer.

Patient has a fever now, too.

Probably just a post-op
complication. Arnold-Chiari?

Not without muscle weakness.

Pseudotumor Cerebri?

We checked his eyes
before the surgery. No papilledema.

AMBER: Candy?

I'm pretty sure Wilson's stripper's
name was something sweet.

TAUB: Maybe his fever is more
than a post-op reaction.

His girlfriend
was sick a few months ago,

- maybe her flu was really Epstein-Barr.
- Lolly?

THIRTEEN: They swap spit, virus travels
to his brain, leads to meningitis,

leads to increased
intracranial pressure.

I agree. Taffy?

I agree.

Go ahead, start him on
ribavirin for Epstein-Barr.

Keep making decisions
like that,

it really bolsters the illusion
that you're in charge.

Why aren't you
in my office?

Because I know what
the word "my" means.

I did something insane, and you're
not all over me analyzing why.

It was nice.

I gave that idiot an implant to prove
to him what an idiot he's been.

How is that nice?

You didn't do it to solve the case,
you didn't do it to save his life,

you did it to make his life better.
It was a caring act.

Which you did in a way that
was immoral and illegal, but baby steps.

Doesn't sound like us.

You can't make me go
to the bachelor party.

I know.

And you're okay with that?

What choice do I have?

Seth!

(SIGHING)
Please, God...

Seth.

Yes.

Seth.

Oh!

I think he just wet the bed.

TAUB: Kid's dehydrated
but stable.

Thankfully the fountain of whizz
seems to have stopped for the moment.

Not before hosing
Epstein-Barr off the table.

Now, eat up.

We're gonna pick out the ice cream
flavors for the bachelor party.

Could be a systemic
autoimmune disease. Sarcoido...

This tastes like vodka.

Well, it would be stupid if it tasted
like bourbon. That's the brown one.

It is vodka?

Flash frozen in a secret process.
Guy figured it out in his basement.

Limoncello. Genius.

Symptoms came on too hard and too fast.
Sarcoidosis is progressive.

Remember, in med school,
when Donovan gave grand rounds,

there was that guy
who was peeing liters.

Glomerulonephritis. Wrestler, steroids
could have damaged the kidneys.

The scotch is nice.

His urine
would've been brown.

Donovan ruled out osmotic diuresis,
kidney disease...

Pheochromocytoma?

No hypertension, plasma
metanephrine is normal.

Devic's?

It happened at night.
That was the clue.

Night, recumbent body
position, changes in BP...

It's his heart.

Run a 12-lead EKG,
watch him for four hours.

Foreman concurs.

What the hell just happened?
Everything started to fade away.

You're getting better at focusing,
ignoring everything that doesn't matter.

Uh-oh!

He looks pissed.
I think he might hit us.

Is your eyesight
better than mine?

We need to talk about
the bachelor party.

HOUSE: Excellent topic choice.

I mean, surgery is so boring, and my
lying to you is just so yesterday.

It's my fault for letting you
talk me into the implant.

Cameron is not gonna be
happy about this party.

But, you,
on the other hand...

Plan on spending
the rest of my life with Cameron.

So, I need to cancel
the fart band?

So, I need you
to kidnap me.

Spoken like a true Aussie.

By the way, if you know where

I can get the sheet music
to Waltzing Matilda...

Hey! Want some ice cream?
We're having a sundae bar.

Sweet.

AMBER: That's her name!

Sundae or Bar?

Karamel.

With a "K."

Bath room?

Down the hall, two doors,
on your right.

Thanks.

Do I sound like her?

It takes time.

You still haven't slept?

(BURPS)

And then I have
a clever response.

FOREMAN: EKG, normal sinus, normal
intervals. His heart's fine.

His heart's not fine.

The heart was fine during this test.
The arrhythmia's hiding.

Or we were wrong
about the heart.

TAUB: Could be the thyroid.

Hashimoto's would explain
the kid's urine and brain pressure.

- Treadmill.
- Or the arrhythmia is hiding.

We need to stress him.
Put the patient on a treadmill.

The patient just
had brain surgery.

A stress test could cause
a brain bleed and kill him.

I value your opinion.
I value rejecting your opinion.

You're not doing this.
You haven't been sleeping...

Cuddy doesn't actually
want you in charge.

She just wants to avoid
a lawsuit and to win an NAACP award.

And if I let you risk our patient's life
testing an organ we already tested,

we accomplish neither.
Run a thyroid panel.

How do we get him into the stress lab
without Foreman's sign off?

We could kill Foreman.
Is she new?

Focus. The lab simulates stress.
What if it's not simulated?

We could tell him his
girlfriend dumped him.

It's a tough sell since she never leaves
the room for more than five minutes.

We could kill her.

Or asthma meds. Force the heart
to beat faster.

Revealing the arrhythmia.

Nice idea.

It was yours.

(SETH SCREAMING)

I just left the room
for a few minutes.

He ripped out his implant.
So much for improving his life.

Actually, I think
we just saved it.

Look at that. Arrhythmia.

You were right about the heart.
I should have listened to you.

The correct phrasing would be,
"I should always listen to you."

He's got problems everywhere.
What goes everywhere?

THIRTEEN: Blood.
Could be thrombocythemia.

Excess platelets lead to
clotting throughout the body.

Not with a normal
platelet count.

So the clotting
doesn't start in the blood,

it starts in
the lungs. Pulmonary embolism.

We should do a VIQ scan,
see if his lungs are clear.

Go.

Are you sure I did this
at Wilson's party?

Last time, you used grain alcohol
instead of the Sambuca.

And it worked?

Well, it explains my lack of eyebrows
by the end of the evening.

By the power
of Grayskull, I...

This is why we're rehearsing.

Ever wonder what's happening every time
our patient gets sicker?

Not right now.

First symptom,
wrestling.

Then, under the lights
of the seizure lab...

Are you going somewhere with this?
Because this feels...

Just keep doing what
you're doing. It helps.

Then, under the stress
of blindness, then, post-op fever.

What do all the symptoms
have in common?

Heat.

See, if you hadn't been here,
that would've just popped into my head,

which actually would
have been way cooler.

Foreman, kid's got Uhthoff phenomenon,
which means it's MS.

Start him on
double-dose interferon.

Let's get our drink on.

Not before I've added chemical burns
to this guy's cause of death.

Patient's responding
to interferon.

Looks like I can retire
as department figurehead.

OFFICER: Dr. Robert Chase?

We're with the Department of
Citizenship and Immigration.

Did you recently apply
for a marriage license?

Ah... Yes.

According to our records,
your work permit has expired.

If you could
come with us?

I'm his fiancée.
I can come along and clear this...

I'm sorry, ma'am.
Illegals only.

I'm sure it's a mistake.

I'll call you as soon as
I know what's going on.

Don't let House get him
in too much trouble.

(LIVELY MUSIC PLAYING)

(PEOPLE CHEERING)

Allow me to welcome
you to the best night of your life.

(CROWD CHEERING)

Now, a few ground rules
for the evening. Safety is job one.

We have now gone 18 days
without an injury in the workplace.

Yes, these girls are all working their
way through law school, don't test them.

House!

I knew you
couldn't stay away.

This is my apartment!
You can't do this.

Clearly reality
begs to differ.

Where's my furniture?

Out back somewhere.

KARAMEL: James!

Karamel?

Hey.

How's your wife?

We got divorced.

- How's your cat?
- Dead.

How about we go
have a drink?

- This way.
- Okay.

(DANCE MUSIC PLAYING)

You're okay with this?

I paid 50 bucks for this.

You guys are great together.
Trust is everything.

I'm gonna get some air.
Keep it real.

AMBER: You should be out there, enjoying
the lap dances of your labors.

I kind of like it in here.

Me, too.

To us, figuring out MS.

And the blindness and neuropathy, and
arrhythmia, and anything else we did.

What exactly did
my team do?

Looked good
in their lab coats, except for Taub.

Some people just
work better alone, so to speak.

One more drink.

No. I can't.
I gotta take a break.

Meet Karamel.

Maybe one more drink.

What's that taste?
Is that strawberry?

(KNOCKING ON DOOR)

FOREMAN: House, you in there?

Use the other bathroom.
It's in the kitchen, looks like a sink.

Chase went into anaphylactic shock from
the stripper's body butter or something.

Is he okay?

One of the residents
had an EpiPen, so he's fine.

But we're taking him to
the hospital to be safe.

Okay-

I knew that Chase was allergic
to strawberries, didn't I?

That's why you wanted
Karamel at this party.

I suggested Karamel
'cause she was great at Wilson's party.

I knew about her body butter,
I knew about his strawberry allergy.

I tried to kill Chase?

Why would I do that?
I don't want Cameron.

You're not a big fan of other people's
happiness either.

(CELL PHONE RINGING)

Hello.

You confirm? Thanks.

That kid we saved,
he's dying.

It's not MS.

We were wrong.

CAMERON: Thank God
you're okay. What happened?

- There was a girl...
- Long story.

Your patient's lung failure rules out
MS. We put him on a ventilator.

Enlarged lymphs could...

Are any of you sober?

Turn around, you need
to go to the hospital.

I need to sleep.

I'm you. You can't
just shut a door.

You tried to kill Chase.

I need to push you
back down, you're dangerous.

(CELL PHONE RINGING)

It's the hospital.

I'm not answering.

Hello.

I'm here with your team,

trying to sober them up so they can help
treat your dying patient.

Foreman's dying patient.

What causes lung failure plus
your patient's previous symptoms?

Eosinophilic pneumonitis.

White blood cells accumulate,

clog up the lungs,
lead to heart problems. It fits.

House, are you there?

It's not
eosinophilic pneumonitis.

HOUSE: I gotta crash.

House, don't hang up.
We need your help.

I can't.

We can solve this.

Good night.

Eosinophilic pneumonitis
could actually make sense.

No, House ruled it out because it would
affect the larynx. Patient would be

hoarse.

Which we wouldn't
notice in a deaf kid who rarely speaks.

Wait. Everyone's
getting breath mints.

We need to hear Seth speak.

That means taking out the tube.
Isn't that dangerous?

It's the safest way to confirm
what's wrong with him.

I need him to breathe out
once I pull on the tube.

Okay-

Say "ah."

I'm sorry,
we were wrong.

I need to suction out your
throat before we re-intubate.

Your son smoke?

I don't think so.

Tobacco stains on his teeth.

He says he used to chew tobacco
to cut weight for wrestling.

Used to?

Chewing tobacco wouldn't
explain his symptoms.

But not chewing
tobacco might.

Taub was right.
It's sarcoidosis.

The tobacco releases toxins, those
toxins suppressed his immune system.

Once he quit chewing,

the absence of those toxins kicked
a dormant condition into hyper-drive.

Is it treatable?

Usually responds to corticosteroids
and methotrexate.

I'll start the meds.

I need sleeping pills.

I was gonna hit up Wilson, but he's
not answering his phone.

He must have left
it in his pants,

which he wasn't wearing when the police
found him trying to walk home, oddly,

from his own apartment.

Pills.

Your patient is doing fine,
thanks to your team.

It wasn't eosinophilic
pneumonitis, was it?

Sarcoidosis.

Good.

House, please, talk to me.

I haven't slept through the night
since Kutner killed himself.

The wrestling
might have to wait.

I'm gonna tell your doctors
to repair your implant.

I know.
And then you ripped it out

rather than live with
it for a few days even.

I'm your mother.
This is my call.

I don't know if I'm making
the right one, but it's mine to make.

Sleep well?