House (2004–2012): Season 4, Episode 5 - Mirror Mirror - full transcript

A victim of a mugging presents with neurological symptoms and begins to mirror the behaviors of his doctors. Foreman joins the new fellows in seeking a diagnosis; Cameron and Chase takes bets on whom House will fire next.

Grandma's got some cash.
We could steal that.

What kind of creep
are you?

We steal from strangers.

Hey, Grandma's not
gonna call the cops.

Look.

Either you start doing this,
or you get a job.

That guy.

You're gonna remember that guy
for the rest of your life.

Hey. How you doing?

I said...
Hey, give me all your cash!

Why?



You want to buy yourself a pretty dress,
you little bitch?

- He ain't kidding, man.
- Where's your wallet?

On your sister's nightstand.
I forgot it after I paid her.

- Whoa, Tony...
- You want to die tonight?

I said
where's your wallet?

(COUGHING)

I think he's sick.
Maybe you shouldn't.

He's faking.

Look, go in his pockets.
Grab his wallet.

(WHEEZING)

Good. Let's go.

(COUGHING)

You all right, man?

He's fine.
He's faking it.



(COUGHING CONTINUES)

(DIALING)

Yeah, I need an ambulance
at Maple and Fourth.

There's a really sick guy.
I think he got mugged.

- What?
- Are you happy? Let's go!

Today, we're hunting for
the cat burglar of diseases.

Causes a healthy man's lungs to fail,
but leaves no fingerprints.

Respiratory distress,
could be asthma.

No hyperinflation
on the x-ray.

Food allergy. Could have eaten
shellfish or peanuts.

No hives.
No erythema on the skin.

Pulmonary embolism.

Embolisms don't
magically dissolve.

What are you doing here?

Laryngospasm..

Frosty fall air
hits his vocal cords,

they spasm shut,
choke him out.

Good idea. You've been
tremendously helpful.

- You can leave.
- I just hired him.

Well, I fired him.
To infinity.

You didn't tell him
I was coming back?

She did.
I said no.

When your extended
job interview slash reality TV show

killed a patient,

you lost
your veto power.

Everybody,
this is Dr. Foreman. He will...

Does this mean
there's one less slot for us?

It's still
Dr. House's department.

He decides who stays,
who goes...

Foreman goes.

But Dr. Foreman
will be my eyes and ears.

You do nothing
without his knowledge.

Oh!

Just in case I need them

where exactly will Dr. Foreman
be keeping my balls?

If you wanna keep your jobs,
that never happened.

The only way to get the cat burglar is
to catch him in the act.

Give the patient
a methacholine challenge.

See if it sets off
laryngospasm.

You want us to
stop his breathing?

Well, only until
you can figure out why.

After that,
it would be irresponsible.

You and I should talk.

I'm sorry.

She didn't have
to do that publicly.

Yes, she did.

She had to establish her dominance
in front of them. Limit my power.

There's nothing
we can do.

Well, that's not
the never-say-never Dr. Foreman I know.

There's lots we can do.

Not really, Cuddy...

I can make
you miserable.

That's true.

Until you quit. Again.

So, why don't we just
skip the middleman?

I'm not quitting.

My God. Not everything's about you and
your little job and your little world.

This is about restoring
order in the universe.

I'm not quitting.

You're gonna
be miserable.

I already am miserable.

Cuddy obviously thinks
we're idiots.

She's not gonna let
House hire any one of us.

Tidal volume's holding at 1.2 liters.
Increase the dose.

So, which master
do we serve?

Whose ass
do we have to kiss to get this job?

You really want
this job so bad?

How about you
try doing this job?

Double the dose
to 16 milligrams per milliliter.

My foot's tingling.

Is that normal?

No.
What exactly does it...

And my stomach's
killing me.

Could this test
cause that stuff?

No.

Test was a bust.

Amber has moved
down to even money.

We found
two new symptoms.

Yep.
Back to two to one.

- What's going on?
- You're the favorite.

- House's?
- To get fired.

You can bet against yourself.
Lovely parting gift.

- What's the limit?
- Isn't one.

Five hundred
on Kutner.

A thousand on Amber.

Do you take checks?

No.

How do we connect abdominal pain and
numbness in the extremities

with respiratory collapse?

Dissecting
aortic aneurysm.

Doesn't cover all three.
What else?

Carry on.
He's the boss.

What about
a spinal cord lesion?

Would have to be
in the brain stem.

It still doesn't
explain the lungs.

Weird, though.

That he's the boss.

Didn't he quit recently?
Was it a money issue?

Lungs, stomach,
numbness...

No, that wasn't it.

It was something else.

Was it bling account? Med plan didn't
cover tattoo removal?

We have to unify
these symptoms.

I remember.

You didn't want to
turn into me. Right?

You didn't want
to become evil.

Can we stick to
the medicine, here?

Absolutely.

I'm just flattered.

In a few short weeks, seems like I've
just turned towards the light.

Either that,
or you sold your soul.

Multiple marantic
emboli could...

Did you get a raise?

Because then
you're a whore.

Or didn't you?
Because then, you're a stupid whore.

(BEEPER BEEPS)

Patient just crashed.

Can they go, boss?

- You're right.
- But?

No but.
You're right about all of it.

Then, I'll see you
at the reunion.

Seems I didn't get out
of here soon enough.

The world thinks I've been corrupted,
so no one will hire me.

I hate being here.
I'd love to quit, but I can't.

He's got a pulse.

Must be another
respiratory collapse.

Means this is our chance
to prove laryngospasm.

- We need to tube him and bag him.
- We will. Right after we...

If we just let him die,
it doesn't matter what he has.

Brennan, tilt his head
back so I can get a straight shot.

AMBER: Okay. While you're killing him,
I'll get the intubation kit.

I decided you're right. You're obviously
in an impossible position.

There's no point
in me humiliating you.

Thanks.

So, I'm gonna
humiliate Cuddy.

Until she fires you.

Guy's faking.
It's Munchausen's.

You notice the EMT
run sheet?

Paramedic who brought him
in is also named Martin Harris.

If the name was
Attila Von Wienerschnitzel,

I'd say you might be
onto something.

Look, room 406,
abdominal pain,

room 403,
left-sided numbness, 402, syncope.

He's copying his
neighbors' symptoms.

- No.
- Yeah.

Coincidence is much more
likely than you being a stubborn jerk.

Munchausen's patients
create symptoms, not names.

Munchausen's patients
have medical histories

they don't want
us reading.

TAUB: No laryngeal spasm.

Breathing's resumed
normal rate, without intubation.

You see?
Nothing's wrong with him.

He's in a lab coat.

Munchausens pretend
to be patients, not doctors.

He's got Mirror Syndrome.

Giovannini's?

Do you know another
Mirror Syndrome?

Brain's got no idea
who he is, where he is, what he is,

so it fills the holes
with whatever dirt's lying around.

He reads a name tag,
he's got a name.

Sees a doctor, he's got a job.
Sees symptoms, he's got a problem.

FOREMAN:
My explanation's simpler.

Well, if it's simple,
then we discharge the nutbar,

but if it's complicated,
then the nutbar has got brain damage.

So, we let him jerk them around
for a few days till we're sure?

No. We let him
jerk you around.

There's a faster way.

Mind if we play through?

Sure. What could
possibly go wrong?

What's going on here,
Martin?

- Operation?
- House?

Who is this guy?

HOUSE: Excellent question.

Who are you, Martin?

He just likes to
watch and do stuff.

WILSON: Number 10 scalpel
for initial incision.

Glad you're here, House.

Of course you are.

It's lecture time.

WILSON: Yeah. It is.

Stop worrying
about the power play.

Was that it? I think you can go
a lot deeper, here.

I mean, why am I so obsessed
by all of this?

You're threatened by Foreman
and feel the need to impress Cuddy.

The only thing that's relevant
is Foreman is a good doctor.

He can help you.

- Lighten the load.
- Good idea.

I'll have him
sort my mail.

Sure.

Deflect.

Who is this guy?

I think
we just found out.

It's all about Cuddy.

You've got to be
the alpha dog.

You can almost smell
the pheromones now, huh?

I like him.

- Told you I didn't need you.
- House!

House, what is going on?

Ow!

Your blood's
turned to sludge.

If we don't heat you up,
you're gonna die.

Can't fake that!

Mirror Syndrome patients
have no agenda, no ax to grind.

They can read you
because they have to.

Moods, attitudes, everything.
They're like mind readers.

Except they can
read your mind.

Where are we going?

Unfortunately,
we have to cure him.

His hand wasn't black
when he came in.

The operating room
was sterile.

Only thing different was the
temperature. Cold agglutinins means...

It's gotta be some
kind of infection.

No fever, so it's gotta
be a tiny infection, hard to find.

And you better
find it fast.

This guy feels another cool breeze, his
blood turns to slop and he drops.

I need three ways
to pinpoint infection.

Blood cultures.

Blood's clumpy.
Nothing you can do with it.

Unless we soak him
in warm water before we draw it.

Good. What else?

Ultrasound his abdomen.
Look for an abscess.

Good.
Ladies and gentlemen?

I have a regrettable
announcement.

Kitchen has just learned

that our annual shipment
of mayonnaise was improperly stored,

so anybody who ate,
well, the food

should head across
the lobby to the clinic right away.

Ask for Dr. Cuddy.

You're not punishing Cuddy. You're
punishing every doctor in the building.

It's her building.
Her doctors. Still need one more.

Well, we need to
find out his history.

Where he's been,
what he's done.

Yeah. He has no memory,
but his bio's tattooed to his rear?

The mayo is fine. You can stay
where you are. I'm a doctor.

Mail order. I've seen the diploma.
There's two N's in University.

Big Love was right.
History is the key.

No ID, no wallet, no missing person's
report filed for 100 miles...

The key is the key.

He had car keys in his pocket
when he was admitted.

Keep him in
the isolation room

so he doesn't pick up Extreme Bitch
Syndrome from one of the nurses.

Run the ultrasound
and the blood cultures.

The cultures
were my idea.

No one's keeping score.

You're losing.

Search the street where he was mugged.
Find the car and the registration.

There could be
thousands of cars.

Hey, why do
I get this assignment?

Because,
if you deal with the patient,

he's gonna wind up singing Osmond songs
and proposing to five nurses at once.

I'll go with Cole.

Ooh!

We have a love connection.

Make a fist.

Little pinch.

Wow.
That's a strong pinch.

This thing works.
You're lucky you've got me.

My colleague
wanted to cook you in boiling water.

That's right, baby.
My blood's that good.

That's supposed to
be me, right?

No.

That's me.
I'm always right. Gotta be.

I don't think I'm always...

If they don't like you, you've gotta be
right, or you're not worth anything.

Infections can hide
deep beneath the skin.

This will find them.

Who was that
last doctor?

Dr. Amber Volakis.

Don't really
need her name.

Wait.
You saying that you...

I want her?

Don't know what you want.
Don't care what you want.

I'm married.

So am I.

Even if I wasn't, she's a little
too aggressive for me.

Hey.

Aggressive is
never a bad thing.

Yeah. True.

I'm done.

You Okay?

Yeah.

We've gotta run
some more tests.

You can clean
yourself up.

HOUSE:
Lesion on the liver.

- Cystic or solid?
- Solid.

Well, you certainly
did the right thing by coming to me.

Yes.
I needed a smug oncologist to...

An authoritative
oncologist.

I hate you.
Tell me why.

I've been scanning literature.
Very interesting study in Sweden.

Apparently, Giovannini's patients mimic
whoever they think's in charge.

Any country with that low an age of
consent and that high a rate of suicide

isn't thinking straight.

I am in charge
of our relationship.

It was a surgery. You were the surgeon.
In that setting...

You would pick up my laundry
if I asked you to.

Go ahead. Ask.

I wouldn't do
that to you.

I want all my personal
private doctors back right now!

Except for Foreman.

Your team,
Foreman included,

is dealing with
the Great Mayonnaise Panic of 2007.

Frankly, I'm worried it might spread
to other continents.

Lesion on the liver.
Possibility.

Why are you doing a pelvic
for food poisoning?

She said her
hoo-hoo burned.

Lesion on the liver.
Ideas?

Start with a biopsy
to rule out cancer.

KUTNER:
Could be an abscess.

Needle works
for that, too.

Well, unless it's
a vascular hemangioma.

Aspirate that,
and he'll bleed out, we'll kill him.

If he bleeds out,
we know what he had.

Had?

Two diagnoses out
of three, he lives.

We do nothing,
three out of three he dies.

Go stick his liver.

TAUB: Where's Foreman?
We should...

You need him
to draft your letter of resignation?

You risking our patient's life
to get back at Cuddy?

What? No. That would
be childish.

This is what I'm doing
to get back at Cuddy.

Who here doesn't
have any health insurance?

Michael Moore was right.

MRIs, PET scans, neuropsych tests,
private rooms for all these patients.

Fight the power!

(GROANS)

Sorry. I missed.

I have to reposition
the needle.

You're gonna feel
another pinch.

You still with me?

I'm here.

You feeling faint?

No.

What's wrong?

It's personal.

You got personal problems?
You got no memory.

I'm in a hospital. I don't want
to be in a hospital.

You're sick, so...

I'm bored.

You ask what's wrong,
then you ignore the answer.

Just go on
with what you're doing.

You think
everything's okay

as long as you don't think about it,
don't deal with it.

Is that blood?

I think it's pus
from a fungus.

I have fungus in me?

If you've been in the tropics
in the last few months.

I saw this in
tsunami survivors.

Their skin grafts would ooze black pus
sometimes weeks later.

Traced the fungus back to the sand
in the tsunami tides.

That's so cool.

BRENNAN:
I think the black pus is fungal.

If I'm right, that's where
the cold agglutinins are coming from.

That's what's driving
his memory loss.

Amber's putting
him on amphotericin. It will cure him.

This makes no sense.

I'm doing blood tests to be sure,
but the sooner we get him on...

I'm not talking
about the infection.

I'm talking about you letting Tonya
Harding administer the treatment.

- I'm out of the game.
- Why?

A couple of weeks ago,
you named me Grumpy.

Said I didn't want to be here,
wanted to be back in the third world...

And you realized
I'm right just now?

I got a confirmation.

The patient's nuts.

The patient's unbiased.

- The patient has no ax to grind.
- The patient is nuts.

I miss my old life.

Helping people
who barely have clean water,

let alone the kind
of medicines we waste by the SUV-load.

You're nuts. You're gonna be miserable
at home, at work, somewhere.

The goal in life
is not to eliminate misery.

It's to keep misery
to the minimum.

Now, that's inspiring.

You said you came back
to get married.

What does
your fiancée do?

She's a court reporter.

Uh-huh. Well, I'm sure
Thailand will have courts any day, now.

Someone's gonna be
miserable sometime. Accept it.

That's how
I stay so happy.

Why do you care
if I stay?

You're good.

Don't screw it up
just because you're miserable.

I'm gonna stay
until the patient's cured,

which should be
in about an hour.

- You okay?
- Not okay.

Which one of us
is he mirroring?

Well, if it was you, he'd be inflicting
pain on someone else, so...

I'd say he's mimicking
whichever one of us happens to be dying.

(GROANING)

KUTNER:The heating blanket wasn't
keeping him warm enough.

Ordered a whirlpool,
got his blood flowing.

So far, it's keeping
his rash at bay.

Rash worse equals
cold agglutinins worse.

Means what was in
his liver wasn't fungus.

Yeah. Labs confirmed...

That it wasn't
even pus.

It was just coagulated
blood caused by the cold agglutinins.

Which you mistook for a cool fungus
that you saw after the tsunami.

- Same consistency as...
- You saw what you wanted to see.

Not what was there.

Wait a second.
Didn't you quit?

I spoke to my fiancée.
I'm staying.

Of course you are.

Because you're the exact
right amount of miserable.

Broad spectrum antibiotics
aren't working.

It's got to be viral
or exotic bacteria.

There are
a thousand microbes it could be.

We could repeat all cultures.
Maybe we just missed it.

Or we could get
an accurate history.

(CELL PHONE RINGS)

(DOGS BARKING)

We're working on it.

Well, that'll be good
solace to the Widow X.

His car was towed,
and the tow gate's locked.

Guys must be
out on a run.

That's why
I sent two of you.

One of you breaks in,
the other posts bail.

Getting arrested
is not what I'm worried about.

Not a problem.
You know how to kill dogs, right?

So, we're back
to repeating all the cultures.

Or we get an
accurate history.

Didn't we just rule
out that possibility?

You guys ever heard
any of my metaphors, yet?

Well, come on. Sit on Grandpa's lap as I
tell you how infections are criminals.

The immune system's the police.
Seriously. Grumpy, get up here.

It will make
us both happy.

Anyway, cops don't
just let crooks run free.

They keep fingerprints,
mug shots.

The immune system does the same thing,
only it calls them antibodies.

We find out what diseases
he's had in his life,

good chance that'll tell us
where he's been in his life.

Alice.
Your turn through the looking glass.

I raw blood and ' F.

He)!' guys.

I haven't signed off
on this.

You seem like a good guy,
Cuddy seems decent,

House doesn't.

It means either
you're gonna give in, or Cuddy is.

Either way, I'm sorry.

FOREMAN: Your boyfriend
has me at even odds.

So talk to him.

I did. He said
he's just responding to market forces.

He is.
I got 100 on you.

What do you care
what other people are betting on?

If he's trying to
screw with me

'cause he's jealous Cuddy didn't ask him
to take this job...

Right. You're figuring
he's jealous of your misery.

He's messed up
enough to...

The problem is
you're not miserable.

Then House has been
wasting a lot of time.

You've been humiliated.
Treated like crap.

You have every right
to be miserable, but you're not.

Because even though this job is insane,
and House is insane, you like it.

You always have.

You know what's worse
than a sanctimonious speech?

A sanctimonious speech
that's dead wrong.

See?

You belong with House.

We're gonna use your spinal fluid
to tell us where you lived.

Cool.

Not really. It's a poor substitute
for an actual history and without...

Nah. It's cool.

Yes. It is.

I need you to stay as still as possible.
Ignore the pain.

Bring the pain.

I'm not a masochist.

Neither am I.

I know. But I was responding
to you responding to...

Never mind.

I just like experience.
If it's new, it's interesting.

Yeah? Not me.

I don't just like new,
I gotta have new.

If it's not there,
I make it there.

Really,
I'm just easily bored.

There are 300 million
people in this country.

If I'm doing exactly
what everyone else is doing,

then who
the hell am I?

You know
what I mean?

We're just
about finished.

I like hot tubs.

They're nice.

You don't knock?

Are you putting
K-Y jelly on his phone receiver?

An exploding
snake in his drawer?

No.

I'm replacing
his Vicodin stash with laxatives.

- Don't. Don't stoop to his level.
- Why?

Because he's suddenly
gonna realize he's no longer 14?

Either I take
his garbage forever,

or I give him
a reason to stop.

You don't have to make him miserable.
Just make him think that he's won.

I'm not gonna
fire Foreman.

I said think he's won.

Find some other way to soothe his ego.
The thing's big enough.

You must be able to find
some corner to polish.

Where were you
two hours ago?

Where were you?

- What do you have?
- High titres to histoplasmosis.

Probably lived in
the Ohio River Valley.

Also weakly positive
on Coccidiomycosis.

Weak means older.

Means he moved to Ohio
from the San Joaquin Valley.

Or he happened
to visit California.

He's also positive
for Chagas Disease.

Central America.

FOREMAN:
Or he kissed his maid from El Salvador.

Or he sat next to someone from Belize
on a flight to Weehawken.

- Or he ate lettuce from Honduras.
- Yes.

You're right, buzzkill.
This tells us next to nothing.

But since that's on the something side
of nothing, I thought we'd go with it.

His rash is back.

The hot tub isn't hot enough
to keep his body warm.

So, we take his body out of the picture.
Let's hit him from the inside.

Lipopolysaccharide.

LPS won't just
give him a fever.

He could hit 110.
Fry his brain.

HOUSE: Or make him just toasty enough
to keep his blood flowing free,

like my bowels.

You smell that?

It's not gonna
get sweeter.

You nailed Brennan for seeing
what he wanted to see.

- You're no different.
- But you are.

You used to
like this stuff.

You left here because you didn't like
what you were turning into.

Do you like
who you are, now?

Do you like being
Cuddy's errand boy?

(FLUSHES TOILET)

That was just a courtesy flush.
I'm not actually done.

- You want to induce a fever?
- Well, unless you're willing

to don a white T-shirt
and hop into the hot tub with him,

I need another way
to keep him warm or he dies.

- You could maim him.
- I could cure him.

I'm not letting
you do it.

You gonna fire me?

No.

Wait a second.
What the hell was that?

You were won over
by my soaring rhetoric?

I basically just
threatened to hold my breath.

You never intended
to stop me.

You just pretended
to stop me,

so you could pretend
to fail to stop me,

so you could
stroke my ego.

War doesn't end
until Foreman's gone.

Foreman's not
going anywhere.

And

I know when my Vicodin
isn't Vicodin.

Do you know when your birth control
pills aren't birth control pills?

If we can keep your fever up,
we can get you back on dry land.

You feeling okay?

Surprisingly, yeah.

(HEART MONITOR BEEPING)

I feel pretty good.

That's not the way
fevers usually work.

Nothing around here
works the way it's supposed to work.

No kidding.

You're giving me
a fever.

Doctors don't
give people fevers.

It was necessary
to keep your blood flowing.

Yeah.

It was necessary.

And that was
all that mattered.

It's exciting,
isn't it?

You're happy?

Why wouldn't I be?

(HEART MONITOR
BEEPING RAPIDLY)

Whoa. Hey. Hey.
You with me?

(HEART MONITOR HUMMING)

I need help in here!

- V-fib. We've got to shock him.
- Get him out of the water.

How long's
he been out?

Just a few seconds.

(BEEPING CONTINUES)

- He's dry enough.
- Not yet.

- Dry faster.
- Ten more seconds.

- He'll get brain damage.
- He needs...

- Kutner, you...
- Wait!

He's dry enough. Clear.

(HEART MONITOR
BEEPS CONSISTENTLY)

It worked.

For one of them.

TAUB: Cardiac arrest. We were able to
shock him back to normal sinus rhythm.

And Kutner nearly
into a coma.

So, now, you've electrocuted yourself
and set a patient on fire.

- I like the dedication.
- Thank you.

- It wasn't a compliment.
- Yeah, it was.

The insult comes now.
You're insane!

You either have an aversion to towels,
or you want pain. I think both.

I'm thinking it goes back
to high school gym.

Anybody think we should discuss

which infection is causing
the cold agglutinins

before they stop
his heart again?

Sure. Why not?

Until they find his car
we have to assume he's traveled

to Ohio, California, Central America
and possibly Weehawken.

- Nothing on the blood cultures.
- Do them again.

Quadruple run time.

We know the infection
is in his heart. We do a biopsy.

If we see polys, we've got bacterial.
Lymphs, we've got viral.

He just had a heart attack.
Ripping out a piece might kill him.

Yeah.

We biopsy
his toe instead.

No. That's a terrible idea.

Won't tell us anything. Biopsy his
heart. Come on. I'll join you.

I got you a job.

Mount Zion Hospital in Boston.

They have a great
diagnostics department.

Gilchrist said
he'd take you, anyway.

That was
very nice of you.

Oh, God.
Does everything have to be about you?

It's simple math.

I'm not gonna back down,
you're not gonna back down,

Cuddy's not gonna back down,
and no one's gonna be happy here.

- And Cuddy's gonna end up pregnant.
- What?

It doesn't matter.

Are you saying...

- What is you having sex with...
- Starts Monday.

I could help you pack.

I don't want the job.

(STUTTERS)

Why not?
You're miserable.

Apparently not.

Well, you're gonna be.

Are you smiling?

No.

Do your own
stupid biopsy.

His name's Robert Elliot.
He's from Hamilton, Ohio.

Here's everything
he had in his trunk and his glove box.

No need for
the heart biopsy.

I now know exactly
who he is and what he has.

- You saved his life.
- Really?

No, you idiot. It's VapoRub
and lunch receipts.

We have his name. We could find his
doctor, get his medical records...

It's 8:00 at night.
The biopsy will be faster.

Not fast enough to save him,
but that's hardly the point.

Thirteen.

Is your name Thirteen?

Why did you volunteer
to go streetwalking?

I thought I could
help that way.

A black Mormon
could help that way.

There's no reason
for you to want to be there.

Which means there's a reason
you didn't want to be here.

Didn't want to look
in the mirror?

(DOOR OPENS)

Hi. Cuddy called. She needs you
to iron her shirts.

We'll take over.

Go ahead.

Talk to him.

You might feel a little tug
when the catheter's in the heart.

Come on.
Make him feel comfortable.

I've done this procedure
dozens of times. It's completely...

My God.

You are incredibly hot.

I'm not here.
Deal with her.

Are you an idiot?

Do you not think
she's hot?

I'm not the alpha here.
She is. She's my boss.

The rash is back.

Increase the drip.

If you think that's
the right thing to do.

This is so frustrating.

I don't think
that's me.

Hey.

Get in there.
See how he's doing.

You were
just in there.

Apparently, it's impossible
to see anything else when I'm in there.

I'm a blinding
white hot light of power.

Got it. Pink.
Good size.

Nice specimen.

I'm scared.

It's okay.
It's gonna be okay.

No.

No, it's not.

I'm not interested
in how he's doing.

I'm interested in
how she's doing.

So, get in there and
tell me how he's doing.

You think he'll mimic her
if I'm in there with her?

You're a powerful,
dominating man, but who knows?

- So, I'm gonna get fired before her?
- Yes.

You're gonna get fired right now
unless you get in there...

Nothing on the biopsy.

And how is he?

His fever's at 106...

I know.

But how is he?

Bitter?
Sexually frustrated?

He's delightful.

Loves the smell of freshly baked rhubarb
pie and isn't afraid to love.

Also, his rash
is coming back.

He needs the meds and the tub.
Just to keep him stable.

Fine.
Soak him again.

He'll be happy.
Loves hot tubs.

No. You love hot tubs.

Find the rest of the gang. Tell them
to meet me at the lecture hall.

I hate hot tubs.

What did you say?

- I hate...
- He likes.

Who else
was in there?

No one.

You didn't think
to mention that?

The guy likes warm, swirling water.
Didn't know that was diagnostic.

It's not.

What it is, is that water hit him,
and he had a thought.

Not about you,
but about him.

We need to
splash him some more.

Do I know you?

You look familiar.

You, too.

My name's Robert Elliot.

I'm from Hamilton, Ohio.

Me, too.

What do you do?

Stuff.

Me, too.

What brings you
to New Jersey?

Is it work
or vacation?

(GASPS)

Work.

What type of work?

I'm tired.

(HEART MONITOR BEEPING)

I eat out a lot.
A lot of restaurants.

The Knotty Pine,

Ritchies.

I know those places.

They're good, huh?

They're convenient.

For what?

They're on the road.

You on
the road a lot?

No more than you,
I suppose.

You ever use
this stuff?

I use it all the time.

I use it all the time.

Yeah.
I just said that.

You know, the cool thing about this
stuff is you can do a lot with it.

Soften your skin,
you can treat scrapes,

naughty stuff.

(SNIFFS)

Why did you do that?

Because it doesn't
smell like dung.

You're saying
you like the smell?

Not really.

It just doesn't
smell like dung.

Something else does
smell like dung?

Yeah.

Dung.

You guys ready?

Now is the time that you stare
at me in slack-jawed amazement.

He sells farm equipment.

See? Pig lagoons. Pig farms.

And as every child knows, where you
have pigs, you have pig poo.

But as very
few children know,

where you have pig poo,
you have eperythrozoon infection.

We'll start him
on clarithromycin.

This time tomorrow
he'll be back to his old self.

Whoever that might be.

It can wait.

He has
a temperature of 107.

It can wait 15 minutes.

You know where Cuddy is?

Hi. I'm the Dean of Medicine.

Hi. I'm the guy
who saved your life.

So, what if it's House?

Then I take the job
at Mount Zion.

There is no job
at Mount Zion.

- House said that...
- If House said it, it must be true.

I can fire him. I can fire him now.
I can fire him tomorrow.

- I don't even need a reason.
- She doesn't fire me.

She never will fire me.
Because she needs...

He's a good doctor,
that's all.

I respect his expertise,
and I...

She's hot for me.
Always...

Shut up!

Well, that could have
been either of us.

You have great yabos.

That still could have
been either of us.

You lose.

Seriously. I have always thought my
breasts were one of my best features.

Damn.

You all suck.

The two of you took
14 hours to find a car.

You forgot to mention
that a guy with no memory had memories.

If you keep on thinking
that insane guys have hidden wisdom,

you're gonna wind up
shooting people on a subway.

- Something.
- So,

which one of us
sucks the most?

- It's a tie.
- Between?

All of you.

AMBER: We're all fired?

None of you are fired.

(ALL SIGHING)

That was nice of you.

Sure.

Why didn't
you fire anyone?

- They're good doctors.
- Right.

Why didn't
you let Brennan quit?

He's a good doctor.

Right.

By not letting
anyone go,

you made six people
happy and one person happy and rich.

Chase won every one of those bets. So
either you're just really nice or...

What's your cut?

Fifty percent.

How bad do you
want to keep your job?

I'll keep my mouth shut.

Hey.

You actually do
want to stay, don't you?

I think I do.

Every one of those idiots
got some insight about themselves

from the pig salesman, but not one
of them did anything about it.

People don't learn.
They don't change. But you did.

You're a freak.