House (2004–2012): Season 4, Episode 10 - It's a Wonderful Lie - full transcript

House is equally obsessed with a mother and daughter who don't lie, and using Christmas to create discord among the team members.

MAGGIE: You okay?

I'm thinking.

Thinking's not gonna
get you to the top.

Mom, you're supposed
to be encouraging me.

No, I'm supposed
to be coaching you.

The slower you go,
the more tired you're gonna get.

(GRUNTS)

There's a hold
about a foot above you on the left.

I know.

Nice grab!

Keep going.
You're almost there, babe.



I can't.
My calf's cramping.

You need to get
off your toes.

- Get on the ball of your foot.
- I can't.

Yes, you can.
You can get all the way to the top.

It's okay. I got you.
You all right?

Looks like you were wrong.

(CHUCKLES) Yeah. But you did awesome.
That's the highest you've gotten.

I'm proud of you.

I don't feel so good.

Okay.
Come on down.

Mom?

(SIGHS EXHAUSTEDLY)

Mom, are you okay?

Oh, my God.



(SCREAMING)

Whoa!
Did you see that? You all right?

- My arm. I think I broke it.
- Don't move.

Oh, Jane,
I'm so sorry.

What happened?
Did the rope break?

No. My hands,
I can't move them.

She's been to an ortho,
two neuros and an immunologist.

None of the treatments
have had any effect.

- You think it's over?
- It's getting worse.

Last neurologist found
intermittent numbness in both arms

as well as
the hand paralysis.

I meant the game. You think
he's gonna keep all four of us?

He said he would. No sign
of upper motor neuron involvement.

He lies.

HOUSE: My ears
are burning.

Tell him you're
done firing people.

Well, if I lie,
that would be little reassurance.

Dr. Kutner, who told you
that it would be a good idea

to put up superficial representations
of a hypocritical season

celebrating a mythical figure?

It wasn't me.

He lied.

Homey knows better,
Hymie doesn't care,

and Huntington's
would have done a better job.

I don't have Huntington's.

- That you know of.
- Why would you...

Because I got sued
when I called you "honey buns".

Am I fired if I put up...

The point of the game
was to scare us.

Telling us it's over isn't scary.

Therefore, he has no reason
to say that unless it's true.

Good.
Then, can we do a Secret Santa?

I liked you better 15 seconds ago
when you were afraid for your job.

So, who's sick?

35-year-old single mom.

It's an odd presentation of paralysis.

- Is there any history of drug use?
- No.

HOUSE: She says
there's no history.

She's not a liar.

Okay.
This is gonna be a tough case.

I have almost no knowledge
of alien physiology.

Everyone lies.
But there's an exception to every rule.

Actually, there isn't.
That's kind of what makes it a rule.

The patient's mother died
of breast cancer when she was seven.

She never even
knew her mom was sick.

She promised herself she would never
hide anything from her own daughter.

Oh. I didn't know
she'd promised.

And we're not her daughter.

The patient inherited
the BRCA1 mutation from her mom.

She had a prophylactic
double mastectomy 10 years ago.

She lied about it.

She told her co-workers.
She told her kid.

She lied to the world.

Reconstructive surgery
is designed to convince people that...

She didn't get
reconstructive surgery.

KUTNER: Okay.
We can rule out breast cancer.

Actually, I was gonna rule it in.
Paralysis could be paraneoplastic.

Even the best surgeon can't remove
every cell of breast tissue.

MRI what's left of her chest.
Set the machine to scan for irony.

I'm gonna go re-do
the patient history.

Your mom tell you
about all the drugs she does?

She smokes pot once in a while,
but not in a long time.

What about you?

How would that
make her sick?

Are you a doctor?

I'm 11.

That's not an answer.
That's an evasion.

Drinking?
You ever sneak a drink?

I don't do any of that stuff.
It's bad for you.

I understand
why you don't want your mom to know.

- But I'm her doctor, so...
- No, I would tell my mom.

- And I would tell you.
- Why?

Because she would
never lie to me.

What's her favorite way
to have sex?

I don't get what sex has to do
with breast cancer.

Are you a doctor?

Did you go to med school
since the last time I asked?

You just think we've
got to be lying to...

- White lies?
- What are those?

Those are lies we tell
to make other people feel better.

I don't lie.

- Rationalizations?
- What are those?

Those are lies we tell
to make ourselves feel better.

- No. We don't...
- Lies of omission?

Saddle, bronc or doggie?

That's sex talk.

She used to like being on top,
but now she likes to be on her stomach.

That way she doesn't have to see them
looking at her scars.

It's child abuse.

Honesty?

There's a reason that everybody lies.
It works.

It's what allows
society to function.

It's what separates
man from beast.

Oh, I thought that
was our thumbs.

You want to know every place
your mom's thumb has been?

I'm sorry. I missed rehearsal.
Am I taking the truth-is-good side?

- Don't you usually take that part?
- Lies are a tool.

They can be used
either for good...

Wait. I've got a better one.

Lies are like children.

They're hard work but they're worth it
because the future depends on them.

You are so full of
love or something.

- When you care about someone...
- You lie to them.

You pretend that their constant,
ponderous musings are interesting.

You tell them they're not losing
their boyish good looks

or becoming worn out and...

I stand corrected. And may I say it's
been a real pleasure chatting with you.

Axilla is clean.
Surgical margins look clear.

No lymphadenopathy, no masses,
no nothing. It's not cancer.

We need a new theory.

You catch her lying?

Not yet.

Wouldn't no have been
a shorter answer?

Wouldn't you not talking
have made this a shorter conversation?

Kid says Mom's a slut.

She called her mom a slut?

No. I called her mom a slut.

She jumps anything
with a pole and a pulse.

Not that I'm judging, here. Given her
medical history, I'm actually impressed.

Maggie already admitted
to having multiple sexual partners.

Which is why we
already tested for, and ruled out,

syphilis and any other STD
that could have caused her symptoms.

STDs aren't the only risk
in risky sex.

The problem in sleeping
with strangers is, they're strange.

We'll follow up
with any recent partners.

Send Foreman and Taub.
They're better liars.

More likely to
get to the truth.

You think I drugged her?
Use a coaster.

We're not cops. Legally,
we don't care one way or another.

But we need to know the truth
so we can help her.

I'd known her for less than an hour
and she offered to take me home.

There was no need
to drug her.

(CHUCKLES)

Not that I would.

She's gonna be okay, right?

As long as she doesn't
have to pick up or hold anything, yeah.

Sorry. I just had
the floors done. Reclaimed pine.

You always
this thirsty?

I don't know.

Water's supposed to
be good for you, right?

Dehydration, anxiety, aggression.

I'm not aggressive.

Spastic chorea
in his right hand.

- What about my hand?
- How much do you weigh?

- About 180, 190?
- 180. What is this?

If you took what she did,
it could take longer to hit you.

It might affect you differently.

But you didn't
give her anything, right?

She was really drunk.

I just gave her some E
to help enhance things.

Have any of it left?

Is my hand gonna be okay?

There's nothing
wrong with it.

We lied.

I've had a sore throat
for a few days now.

My stomach's also
been bothering me.

I think my glands are swollen.

Saint Nicholas?

Patron saint of children.

Also seamen, merchants,
archers, prostitutes and prisoners.

Mmm. He must have been
pretty hard working.

Or just a credit hog.

Open wide.

- Say, "Ah."
- Ah.

You have strep.

Is it contagious?

Only for the next 24 hours,
as long as you take the antibiotics.

How contagious?

Take a personal day.

I can't.

I'll write your pimp a note.

My pimp?

You get tested for AIDS
every three months.

And your necklace.

Prostitutes wear religious symbols?

I think they just
like kneeling.

You don't have the skin of a seaman,
the fingers of an archer,

the clothes of a merchant
or the attitude of an ex-con.

So, that just
leaves one left.

Mmm, two, actually.

But I'm not a child, am I?

You owe me 50 bucks.

Then you owe me
half a lap dance.

It's for the nurses' holiday bonus.
I know you got the memo.

I got the memo last year.
I want to hire 40 more fellows.

You already fired
the ones you hired?

They work better
when they're scared.

You were right.
Guy slipped her Ecstasy.

- He have any symptoms?
- No.

Kutner's starting the patient
on hemodialysis,

and Thirteen's in the lab
trying to figure out

what the guy put in the drugs.

See? Clear, simple statement of facts

describing their cooperation
with absolutely no attitude or fear.

Something's got to be done.

Oh, yeah.

How are you feeling?

I still can't move my hands.

It will take a few more hours to cycle
all your blood through the machine.

What just happened?

Nothing. What's wrong?

What do you mean?
The lights just went out.

Didn't they?

What did you do?

Is this from the drugs?

Most of the drugs
should be out of your system by now.

- And our drugs wouldn't...
- I can't see.

Do something!

I can't see!

I can't see!

Nothing in the Ecstasy
except Ecstasy.

Well, that never hurt anybody.

Can't make them
blind days later.

Do you spell "Homey"
with a "Y"?

I want to be respectful.

You're actually
gonna let us do Secret Santa?

Not just you guys-

I like presents, too.

Pick a name.

Why are you doing this?

See, this is why
no one likes your people.

The notion of picking
one time of the year

to be decent to other people is obscene

'cause it's actually
validating the notion

of being miserable wretches
the rest of the year.

So, you think this is
the part of the year that's screwed up?

On the other hand, you are now a team.
You've got to work together.

And the simple fact is, giving
people crap makes people like people.

So, spend 25 bucks.
Learn to love.

Blindness could be a complication
from the hemodialysis.

No, the dialysate composition
was within range.

- Sweet.
- Interesting.

The dialysate composition
just indicates...

Indicates nothing. I was referring
to his reaction to the name he got.

I was pleased.
I thought it'd be fun to buy for...

Means there's someone here
it wouldn't be fun to buy for.

I wonder who.
Pick a name.

Then go check out
the patient's house.

Interesting.

FOREMAN: We're wasting time
going to the home.

Kearns-Sayre Syndrome
fits the symptoms.

No family history of Kearns.
Go to their house.

She would have told us if there were
any other drugs. You met her.

- She couldn't have been more candid.
- You're absolutely right.

- Go to their house...
- MS or a vascular problem fits better.

They could affect
hands and eyes.

Fine.
Do an MRI, check for MS.

And a fluorescein angiogram of her eyes
to see if we missed a bleed somewhere.

Oh, and whoever goes to their house,
get me their computers.

You talk to your
kid about sex

so she'll think
you're being open about everything.

It keeps her from asking questions about
things you don't want to talk about.

That's right. Her honesty proves
just how dishonest she is.

Yes! Exactly who I wanted.
This is gonna be fun.

The dye may sting
when it enters your bloodstream.

Are you scared, Mom?

Yeah.

- Are you?
- Yeah.

Are they?

They don't
look scared.

Either they're confident
or they just don't care.

We're confident.

Okay if I shift you a bit?
I need to get you into position.

(SCANNER WHIRRING)

Your boss is weird.

Yeah, he is.

He thought he'd get information
you may not have been telling us by...

Being a jerk?

You'd be surprised
how often it works.

Choroidal flush looks good.

Why would people lie to a doctor?

Dozens of reasons to lie.
Only one reason to tell the truth.

You're never even tempted?

I mean, lies do sometimes
smooth things out, make life easier.

Yeah?
Your life easy?

Not even close.

Dye's reached the retinal capillary bed.
No leakage.

That's good, right?

It means it's not
a vascular problem.

- But?
- A vascular problem we could fix.

They look worried now, Mom.

What's with
the Secret Santa?

You trying to
bring them together?

Want to
drive them apart.

With gift giving?

Conflict's built
right into the name.

Santa's about sharing.
Secret's about withholding.

Aside from the Trojan horse,
gifts don't usually...

What did you get your wife
for your final anniversary?

- Uh, a sweater.
- She hated it.

She loved it.

Then you didn't buy it.

I gave her some cash and...

Gifts allow us to demonstrate exactly
how little we know about a person.

And nothing pisses off
a person more

than being shoved
in the wrong pigeonhole.

(MUTTERING) Nice.

I'm thinking of spending
a few extra bucks on my Secret Santa.

Bad idea.

You mind if I tell House you asked them
for the key instead of breaking in?

- Yes. I do. Just another 5 bucks.
- 5 will be 10.

The key's proof
she doesn't have anything to hide.

The key is proof I didn't do exactly
what House told me to do.

And what do you care
if it's another 15?

I'm gonna tell him.
Who are you so anxious to please?

(SNORTS) Not you.

You really think you're gonna prove
people are capable of honesty

using a mother and daughter
you've known for one day?

I'm not the one who's based
his entire worldview on the proposition.

If I'm wrong, so what?
If he's wrong...

- So, you've got Huntington's?
- Nope.

But House said that...

If I wanted to talk about it,
why didn't I bring it up?

TAUB: Fluorescein angiogram was clear.
No leaks. No lesions.

(BEEPS)
Definitely not a vascular problem.

Someone get their birthdays
out of the file.

Have you tried
leaving it blank?

Tough to get into the head of someone
who actually trusts people, huh?

Found both computers in an office
on a desk they share.

No sign of macular degeneration
or optic neuritis.

Her eyes are
completely normal.

Except she can't
see out of them.

So she says.

You find anything
on the MRI?

No sign of plaques.
It's not MS.

We haven't found anything abnormal
on any tests.

Except she can't see
or move her hands.

So she says.

You can't lie about
flaccid paralysis.

Maybe she's not lying.
Her brain is.

What if it's
a conversion disorder?

Lacks personal boundaries.

Promiscuous. Inappropriate obsession
with truth telling.

Certainly sounds like a psych case.

Cool. I'll set up a psych consult
and start her on anti-depressants.

No.

Her mind is
tricking her body.

We need to
trick her mind.

Or even better...

- You don't need her.
- I know.

Then this serves
no medical purpose.

You have a genetic defect,
choose to ignore it.

This woman has
a genetic defect,

chooses to butcher herself
to be safe.

Yet, what you claim
to be fascinated by is her honesty.

Interesting.

You claim to
want the truth.

And then you screw with people
who actually live by it. Pathetic.

Hey, I gave you credit
for interesting.

You're protecting her because you're
jealous she did what you couldn't.

I need you.

I'm not lying to her.

Fine. Keep your mouth shut.
I still need you.

If it doesn't work,
you've got to hold the kid down

until someone else
finishes lying to Mom.

That does actually serve
a medical purpose.

Jane.

I have to lie
because she trusts me?

If you show doubt,
the placebo treatment won't work.

If it's just depression,
that's good news, right?

There are a lot of
great medications.

Why can't we just give her those?
Why do we have to lie to her?

Because we might be wrong.

Those medications
take a long time to work,

and since
your mom's condition's declining,

there's a chance the drugs won't tell us
anything until it's too late.

My mom's not depressed.

Maybe she's
hiding it from you.

No.

- She wouldn't.
- She's doing what every good mom does.

Protecting her child from bad news
that she can't do anything about.

My mom's never lied to me.

If you don't know
how to lie,

you don't know how to tell
when you're being lied to.

Maybe you're right.

- I know I'm...
- I was lying.

I know how to lie.

I just won't do it
to my mother.

You like foosball?

Until the treatment of your
infectious paraparesis takes effect,

Jane can't come back
into the room.

I've already been inoculated.

Can she have it already?

Don't worry.
It's a very effective treatment.

You should be feeling better
in a matter of minutes.

(GROANS)

Don't you think
Jane deserves a few secrets?

Some personal space?

Room to make
her own mistakes?

She makes plenty of mistakes.

Only difference is I'm there
to help her through them.

But she's got to know
you're looking over her shoulder.

It's got to stifle her.

I think the world would
be a better place

if everybody always acted like their mom
was looking over their shoulder.

- I want to go see my mom.
- She's sleeping.

Why don't we just
double the amount we can spend?

- Nope.
- Can't afford another 25?

If we allow people 50,
people will spend 60.

Ah! So, you can't afford
another 35.

- You must really like who you got.
- Or really dislike.

My mom always gives
the best presents

to the teachers
I get along with the worst.

- No.
- No.

How do you know no?

I know you
didn't get House.

I know he
didn't get House.

- You gave them all your name?
- Mmm-hmm.

I figured I could sow some dissension
and get a few ties and sweaters.

What happens
when they find out?

It's Secret Santa.

What happens
when they find out?

They'll argue about what to do
with that information.

The ties are less important
than the dissension.

- We still have to buy him something.
- Not a chance.

We weren't supposed to discuss this.
We're not supposed to know.

He's not supposed
to put his name in there five times.

He wants presents.
It's sad.

It's pathetic.

I'm still buying him a present.

(FIRMLY) No, you're not.

Fine.

(MOANING WEAKLY)

(WHEEZING)
What's wrong?

I think it's
getting worse.

(ALARM BEEPING)
I can't breathe.

(GASPING)
I need a nurse in here!

Her lymph nodes are cutting off
her airway. We've got to intubate!

(GASPING)

The swollen lymph nodes
were cutting off Maggie's airway.

We shrunk them with alcohol
and she's breathing on her own now.

Well, that sucks.

Four thousand, three hundred
saved emails

and not a single mention
of "lesbionic," "Sanchez," or "mangina."

Swollen lymph nodes
means it wasn't psychological.

Who's that from?

Santa, obviously.
As you know, I worship him.

Oh, wait. I meant Satan.
I always get them confused.

What is an "alpine butterfly"?
And why is she learning how to do one?

House, we already have a full history.
You don't need to waste time...

- It's just a climbing knot.
- But what does she use it for?

Try "bondage."

HOUSE: I did once.

But she just tied me down and whined

about how hard it is
to be Dean of Medicine.

Gyms aren't exactly pristine.

Could be a fungal infection.
Seriously, who's it from?

No fever.
No elevated white count.

(LAUGHS OBNOXIOUSLY)

That's funny. Friend sent her
a Garfield cartoon.

That cat sure does love lasagna.

(SHARPLY) House, stop obsessing.

If it weren't for my obsessions, we
wouldn't know that she has sarcoidosis.

Eighteen months ago,
she sold her Stairmaster.

It was only two months old.

Now, either she needed the cash,

or climbing stairs
was getting more difficult.

Twelve months ago,
she canceled a hiking trip.

Now, either she just
wanted to sit home and watch TV,

or walking was
getting more difficult.

She's been suffering joint pain
for the last two years.

Pull my ribbon.
If you know what I mean.

ACE levels are too low
for sarcoidosis.

That's not
what I meant.

Could just be
an inactive phase.

It's not Christmas yet.

I remembered.
I'm not a Satanist. I'm a Druid.

- No lung involvement.
- Yet.

We'll need a bronchoalveolar lavage
to confirm it.

That's a shame. I was gonna surprise her
with one for Christmas.

Wow!

Now, either that cost
more than 25 bucks,

or I'm seriously starting to doubt
Steve Jobs' business strategies.

Thanks!

Last round of saline, Maggie.
One more big breath.

You've got to get the liquid
to go all the way into your lungs, okay?

Here we go.

The gift could be
from a patient.

Who sent it to
the wrong doctor?

House obviously
gave the present to himself.

They're arguing
right now.

I've been looking
for this all morning.

Did you look
in the box on my desk?

Oh, by the way, your mom called.
Your dad's dead.

You left the present
sitting on your desk?

It wouldn't have been as effective
sitting in a closet in my home.

- They're gonna know it's from you.
- No.

They're gonna guess
that it was from me.

They might even be 90% sure
that it was from me.

But all that means is
they're 10% percent sure

that one of the other guys
is screwing them over.

Have you ever considered
channeling your powers to,

I don't know,
bring peace to the Mid-east?

I couldn't do that.

But if they ever got it,
you could screw it up.

Yeah. That's more
where my powers lie.

- The gift could be from Wilson.
- It's House.

Why do you have a problem
with him speculating?

Because that's what
House wants us to do.

Lungs are pristine.
No infiltrates or alveolar hemorrhage.

Maggie, I'm gonna remove the scope.
I need you to cough for me, okay?

(COUGHING)

A little harder.

(COUGHING)

Great.

Maggie?
Open your eyes.

Why aren't you
saying anything?

What's wrong?

Maggie tested negative
for sarcoidosis.

But she's bleeding
into her eyes, now.

Have her
platelets dropped?

Plummeted.
New labs show they're under 40.

She'll bleed out of every orifice
if we don't find the cause.

Could be splenic sequestration,
tuberculosis.

Gaucher disease, TTP.

Hemolytic-uremic syndrome,
sepsis, lupus...

Listing all the possible causes
is only impressive

if you can do it
reverse alphabetically.

We need to know
why her platelet machine is broken.

Go to the factory.
Do a bone marrow aspiration.

I'm your Secret Santa.

You're not supposed to tell.

But you got
a present already,

which means you have more
than one Secret Santa.

Or somebody else
wants to make me happy.

Merry Christmas.

On the one hand,
you should be in bed.

On the other hand, I told you to rest.
So, I see your dilemma.

Hey, I don't think
resting is the problem.

Can strep cause this?

Clap on.

Trust me,
first place I went.

No rash on my labia.
Do you need to take a look?

I'm saving my money
for a Red Rider BB gun.

Darker shade of lipstick?

I'm not wearing any.

You tell your mother
what you do?

It doesn't matter.
I'm curious.

I don't need to break her heart
just so I can feel righteous.

Do you do
a donkey show?

I'm not curious.
It matters.

It's a donkey
or a mule.

I can never remember.

Wow. That is a creepy smile.

I bet the donkey's
is even creepier.

- Do I have to explain...
- Nope.

That's my job.

Contagious ecthyma.

Any contact can cause
rashes, flu symptoms, sore throat.

Has there been

contact?

Okay. Antibiotic cream for you

and a love glove for Francis.

You'll both be fine.

You should come and see the show.
I think you'd like it.

Sorry. I hate Westerns.

CHASE: So, they really never lie?

Doesn't seem like it.

Admirable.

You tell Cameron everything?

(SCOFFS) No.

You think she
keeps secrets?

If I knew, they wouldn't be secrets.
I hope she does.

People have a right to a little privacy,
even from the people they love.

Did you buy House a present?

- Why would I?
- To screw with me.

Then, I'm gonna say yes.

No, wait. Stop. Stop.
What's that smell?

The bone is smoking.

Her bones are harder
than the drill?

We ran a full body bone scan to find
the cause of hardening in the hip.

No hot spots anywhere.

Tracer could
have been inactive.

So, I screwed up the test?

There are so many ways
that could have happened.

Maybe it was inactive,
maybe it didn't fully circulate...

It circulated.
The camera picked up.

Hey, hey. It's Christmas.
Why are you guys fighting?

Why do you think
there are no hot spots?

I did not screw up.
The density is consistent.

Just means the density was consistent.
Doesn't mean it was cold.

It's possible
all she has are hot spots.

It's consistent because
her entire skeleton is turning to stone.

Good for an
aspiring superhero.

Fatal for a human
hoping to make it to Kwanzaa.

It's got to be from
a carbonic anhydrase type 2 deficiency.

It has free will. It doesn't have
to be anything it doesn't want to be.

I meant if it's not
CA-2, well,

none of the other causes
of osteopetrosis are treatable.

You're right.
It's got to be.

Go run her blood and hope that
your sunny optimism isn't misplaced.

They accused Kutner of screwing up
a test because they hate him.

You're surprised?

That's the sort of crap
that happens

when you mess
with people's heads.

One day, he will
screw up a test.

And if they don't accuse him of that
because they like him,

someone could die.

- Where are we going?
- Nowhere. I just know it hurts you.

TAUB: CA-2 deficiency's a genetic
disorder that scrambles proteins.

If the blood test is positive,
you'll need a bone marrow transplant.

"Transplant" sounds like
a euphemism for "slim odds."

Slim but not none.

We're gonna need to
test Jane for a match.

Don't you have donor banks?

Jane is your best bet.

The procedure is perfectly safe.
There's no risk.

(SKEPTICALLY)
No risk?

- Any surgery has...
- Then, don't tell me there's no risk.

You're gonna tell me
there's no pain, either?

The testing
will hurt a little.

I'll be fine.

If she doesn't do this
and you don't make it,

she's gonna spend
the rest of her life blaming herself.

(VOICE TREMBLING)
Mom, please.

Find someone else.

Let someone else take the risk.

Donor bank turned up
a 49-year-old man in Cleveland

who's a five out of six
HLA match.

First flight out of
Cleveland leaves at...

Why is a 49-year-old Cleveland man
a closer match than her daughter?

He may not be.
Maggie didn't let us test her.

- Why not?
- Pain, danger, risk of...

Only reason to give
multiple reasons

is you're searching
for what the person wants to hear.

House.

You're wrong about sainted Mommy.

Don't care. You can forget the donor
bank. There's no CA-2 deficiency.

Best we can do is
make her comfortable.

Is that from Taub?

Yes.

Yes, it is.

(SIGHS)

Merry Christmas.

Who's gonna tell the patient
she's dying?

I will.

And nobody leaves here
until we find out what killed her.

Whatever she has is fatal.

Makes no difference
if it's disease number 58 or 907.

Are you guys mad at me?

No. You had no choice.

Of course I had a choice. You had
no choice once I made my choice.

And now, I'm choosing
not to be mad at you.

Why?

Because it will
drive House nuts.

Do you think that will make
your lives better or worse?

I told my mom
I don't care what she thinks.

I want you
to test my marrow.

I can't be dying.

Sure you can.

You're wrong.

You don't even know
what I have.

What you have is
one last Christmas with your daughter.

One last chance
to give her a present.

The truth.

It's inexpensive, highly valued.

Never have to stand in line
to return it the day after Christmas.

What are you talking about?

A mother who's going to die

doesn't refuse a donor test
because it might hurt.

She refuses when she knows
it won't match.

Which tends to happen

when mother and daughter
aren't mother and daughter.

I can do DNA tests
if you'd rather keep lying to me.

I never wanted kids.

I loved them,
but with my genes...

I knew this woman, a drug addict.

She got pregnant,
didn't want to have an abortion.

But she also didn't want her daughter
to ever know who her real mother was.

What she was.

I promised never to tell.

A promise to an addict is worth more
than a promise to your daughter?

It'd be cruel to tell her.

Right. She lives a lie.
You get to die a hypocrite.

Mom? The doctors told me
what's happening.

It's gonna be okay, sweetheart.

I promise you.

Doctors can be wrong.

- There's still a chance I can beat...
- You really believe that?

I do.

No, Mom.
You're dying.

Nobody can help you.

It's not gonna be okay.

That was cold.

Yeah.

(PEOPLE CHATTERING)

What did you get for Christmas?

I got a watch, a vintage LP,

and a second edition Conan Doyle.

And if that wasn't bad enough,
my patient's dying.

Christmas deaths in a hospital.
There's nothing more depressing.

No one ever wants to go in
the patient's room.

Even the candy stripers
leave them alone.

But I saw
something amazing.

Pure truth.

She told her mother
that she was dying.

Stripped her of all hope.

That sounds horrible.

It was like watching
some bizarre astronomical event

that you know
you're never gonna see again.

You tell people the cold, hard truth
all the time. You get off on it.

Because I don't care.

She cared.

And she did it, anyway.

She did it
because she cared.

The angels of Christmas have finally
given House a present he can appreciate.

Oh, don't ruin it.

Don't pin this on Christ.
He's got enough nails in him.

- Patient had to die...
- Why don't you take off that hat?

It's Christmas.
It's a reindeer.

It's a moose, on a Jew.

Who cares?

(SIGHS)

Things have their place.

You wouldn't hang dreidels
from a Christmas tree.

You could.

Things don't care.

No, they don't.

Happy solstice, House.

(HOUSE SINGING)
God rest ye merry gentlemen

Let nothing you dismay

Remember, Christ, our savior

Was born on Christmas day

To save us all
from Satan's power

When we were gone astray

Have you people
no holiday spirit?

Bring me the eggnog
of good cheer.

House, if you have
something to say, say it.

If you don't, give us a chance
to get home before Santa.

Scrooge.

Give the patient risperidone.

That's an anti-psychotic.
She's dying. She's not crazy.

I am gonna perform
a Christmas miracle.

(SINGING)
Oh, tidings of comfort and joy

You said all the other causes
of osteopetrosis are fatal.

Except for the one we discounted early
because it was impossible.

When a fetus forms,
it's just a mass of cells.

Breast tissue covers
extensive portions of the body.

As the fetus develops,
most of this tissue recedes

remaining only
in the fun places.

But sometimes, extra breast tissue

is left behind in places
where it doesn't belong.

Risperidone does a lot of things.

One is it makes breast tissue swell
so we can find it more easily.

You're telling me
I could have breast cancer?

Somewhere not in my breasts?
That doesn't make sense.

Taub's parents
have a winter condo in Florida.

They're still New Yorkers.

- Actually, my parents...
- Don't care.

I told a parable.

Now, I'm gonna raise the dead.

Give me that syringe.

That's got to be a fat deposit.

Yes, I could be wrong.

If I am, she's dead.
So, shut up.

What's that?

Risperidone also
causes galactorrhea.

What's that?
Galactic?

Open your mouth.

Relax.
You've had it before.

I am not...

Milk?

Ew!

We'll cut out your mom's tumor
and start her on chemo.

All the rest of your symptoms
should go away.

I love you.

I know.

Have a wonderful life.

(INAUDIBLE)