House (2004–2012): Season 3, Episode 16 - Top Secret - full transcript

(POP MUSIC PLAYING)

- Take it, Sarge. Take it.
- Oh, I'll take it.

(LAUGHING)

(SINGING)

Yeah.

(MUSIC STOPS PLAYING)

Yo! Yo! Turn that back on.

MARINE: Yeah, man,
what'd you do?

Don't look at me, 'cause you know I
didn't do it. All right?

Hey! You better have put fresh batteries
in that thing like I told you.

No. I did, Sarge. Right when
you gave them to me. I did.



- I put them in.
- Well, then hit it or something.

Otherwise you all
are gonna have to listen to me sing!

(GUNS FIRING)

(MAN SCREAMING)

(MAN CHATTERING ON RADIO)

Here.

Don't panic.
Don't shoot us. Don't die.

(GUNS FIRING)

You got it, G?

MARINE: Go! Go! Go!

(KNOCKING ON GLASS)

CUDDY: Up and at them.

You're supposed to
be in clinic duty.

Yeah, like I can sleep down there with
all the crying and coughing.



Here.

Ex-Marine thinks
he has Gulf War syndrome.

- There's no such thing.
- So he's been told.

It hasn't stopped the unexplained
fatigue, rashes and joint pain.

And just so you know, he's the nephew
of a benefactor I owe a favor,

so you're gonna take this case
whether you like it or not.

Why wouldn't I want
to take the case?

The guy's tired and sore.
It's gonna be chapter one in my...

Don't panic.
Don't shoot us. Don't die.

You know him?

Never met him
before in my life.

Okay. Well, you're about to.
He's on his way here.

Get your ass up and get your team
together. You have work to do.

- That's amazing.
- No, it's not.

- It's not?
- I can play the harmonica with my nose,

make a penny come out of a child's ear,
or any other orifice for that matter,

and given the right circumstances can
bring two women to simultaneous ecstasy.

The right circumstances
being their agreement

to bill you on
the same credit card.

But what I absolutely cannot do
is dream about someone

I've never seen before.

Well, just because you don't understand
it doesn't mean it can't happen.

True. It can't happen
because it can't happen!

Well, maybe you didn't dream
about this guy specifically.

Right. Just some other guy
who looks exactly like him.

No. You imagined
some generic Marine,

then you placed his face
in the dream after you saw the picture.

Sort of a coincidence mixed
I-Q with a little deja vu.

HOUSE: There's no record
of him ever coming into the clinic,

so I must've seen him
before somewhere else.

Fine. You've known him
since Cub Scouts.

The more interesting question
isn't what you dreamed, but why.

I'm guessing you're longing for either
a renewed relationship with your dad,

or a new relationship
with one of the Village People.

He was in the Navy,
not the Marines.

I thought your dad
was in the Marines.

The guy in
the Village People.

Actually he's only in the Navy
when they sing In the Navy.

The rest of the time
he's just in generic fatigue.

What?

You brought it up!

- You didn't flush.
- I didn't pee.

Male, 34, just got out of the Marines
after two years in Iraq.

Admitted complaining
of chronic fatigue,

joint pains, intermittent rashes
and sore throats.

Thinks he has
Gulf War syndrome.

Why is he here
instead of the VA?

Because he has a rich uncle
(Buddy's trying to avoid fellating,

who doesn't buy the VA's diagnosis
of nothingswrongatosis.

The VA's right.

FOREMAN: There's no such thing
as Gulf War syndrome,

especially in veterans
who've never served in the Gulf War.

Different war, same place.

CHASE: Whatever was there
in 1990 is still there.

What's there can send you home
in a pine box

but it can't make you sick three months
after you've gotten home.

What, so thousands of soldiers
are lying about their symptoms?

You send 700,000 people
on a vacation to Hawaii,

some are gonna come back sick.

Doesn't mean it was
caused by snorkeling.

He's right.

The studies all show the same pattern
of symptoms in veterans

who were sent to the Gulf
and those who weren't.

That's it?

You believe her but not me?

Stick to your guns, Chase.

Just 'cause there isn't
a single unifying symptom

doesn't mean there isn't
something going on.

It could just affect
everyone differently.

You think this guy has
Gulf War syndrome?

Of course not.

He's depressed
and he's looking for a disability check,

most likely because he's just realized
that knowing how to barter for sex

in six languages and open a beer bottle
with your eye socket

are not the most
marketable skills.

Why did you take
this case?

'Cause a good scientist
continually questions

his own theories
and assumptions.

- (Buddy's making him.
- And now I'm making you.

Do a full physical and recheck
his blood for HIV, hep C,

malaria, schistosomiasis,
and T strain A. Baumannii,

just to make sure
the VA's dotted their I's.

And find out every hospital and clinic
he's ever visited,

every city he's ever lived in
and whether he's ever been on TV.

TV?

Problem could be neurological.

Everyone knows
TV rots your brain.

Well, it's usually the worst
on my palms and the bottom of my feet.

I get these
black dots all over.

- I don't see anything.
- It comes and goes.

You're sure it's not
just scrapes and bruises?

I know the difference between
a rash and a bruise.

Sometimes it's harder than you realize
to distinguish between the two.

You obviously exercise.

My problems aren't caused
by my workouts.

But you do work out.

And by the look of you,
pretty strenuously.

That's not usually
the case with patients

whose principal complaint
is chronic fatigue and joint pain.

I was in the Marines for 12 years.
I'm used to doing PT every day.

Just because I can push through the pain
doesn't mean it's not there.

CHASE: We're not saying
we don't believe you.

The hell you aren't.

We just need to be specific about
what exactly the problems are.

I sleep 10 hours a night
but I feel tired all the time.

I constantly get coughs,
rashes, sore throats.

My knees and hips feel like someone
poured sand in my joints.

Get these weird tingling
sensations in my legs.

Sometimes they're cold. Other times,
feels like my blood is boiling.

Specific enough?

Look, I don't care
what you guys call it.

Gulf War syndrome, Iraq fever,
or just crappy sickness X.

I just want someone to figure out what
it is so they can cure it.

Except for the supposed
pain in his joints,

none of the other symptoms he's
complaining about are currently evident.

And besides low potassium,
probably caused by him

over-hydrating
after working out.

His blood work's all normal.

Low potassium could also probably be
caused by the experimental vaccines

and anti-chemical warfare pills he was
given before he deployed to Iraq.

Not to mention the fact
that whole country is littered

with hundreds of tons
of radioactive shrapnel

from depleted uranium munitions.

You go to medical school in France?

There's no trace of uranium in his
urine.

And he was given the vaccines
and meds two years ago

without any allergic
or adverse reaction.

Has he ever done
any modeling?

We forgot to ask.

We should send his urine to
the University of Leicester.

There's a professor there
who's developed

a more advanced
screening technique for uranium.

If the levels are too low
for us to detect,

they're way too low to cause any damage.

Where are you going?

This way.

You find out about any television
or other media exposure?

Do you really care or are you just
trying to waste hospital resources

to get back at Cuddy
for making you take the case?

Of course, I care.

What a horrible thing to say.

Do a Lexis-Nexis search and get a copy
of his credit report.

Before or after we
tell him to eat a banana

and discharge him with a psych referral?

I say before.

And I say in between
give him a polysomnogram.

Sleep apnea could cause
chronic fatigue and paranoia.

And find out where he went
to summer camp.

You Okay?

Yeah. Just a little too
much coffee this morning.

Were we walking you to
the bathroom?

I wish.

Wilson was just in there.
These guys know what I'm talking about.

CAMERON: That's his third REM cycle and
his breathing's completely normal.

There's obviously nothing wrong
with his sleep pattern.

CHASE: If it's not the uranium, it's got
to be some other sort of toxin.

Or nothing at all.

You really think there's something
wrong,

or you just want Foreman to be wrong?

Both.

Well, it's not
his sleep pattern.

If you really think it's a toxin, you
can do a liver biopsy in the morning.

We can't leave.

If we don't monitor the whole test,
House won't accept the results.

He'll just make us
do it over.

It doesn't take two doctors
to monitor

what's clearly gonna be
a normal polysomnogram.

Oh, so you want me to stay?

You're the one that thought
there was something wrong.

I never said
it was a sleep disorder.

You wanna flip for it?

(SCOFFS)

Just go.

Oh, come on. Don't be a baby.

Fine. I'll stay.

You know what we could do?

- Here?
- Why not?

We're surrounded by
empty rooms with beds in them.

Yeah.
And video cameras, too.

- So we turn them off.
- Yeah, that's all I need is

House or Foreman
walking in on us.

We have the keys.

No. What if he wakes up?

All right.

Suit yourself.

(SIGHING)

Damn it.

Hello?
ls anybody out there?

I think there's
a problem in here!

What's wrong?

What do you mean, "What's wrong?"
You don't smell that?

Nothing smells, John.

Oh, are you kidding me?
It's disgusting.

How long have
you thought... Wait.

Open your mouth.

The smell's not in the room.
It's in your mouth.

What's going on?

Good question.

(PILLS RATTLING)

(CELL PHONE RINGING)

What?

You were wrong about
the nothingswrongatosis.

You can fake fatigue
and joint pain,

but you can't fake
bacterial vaginosis in your mouth.

HOUSE: Where's his mouth been?

Says he hasn't performed
oral sex on anyone in over a year.

Selfish bastard.

Because he hasn't been with anyone since
his last girlfriend dumped him

after he deployed to Iraq
the second time.

Selfish bitch.

We've ruled out HIV, diabetes
and any other endocrine abnormality.

Could be autoimmune.
Sj6gren's decreases salivary flow,

creates a hospitable
home for bacteria.

No. His eyes and tear ducts
are fine.

Who was his last girlfriend?

Yeah, we'll get right on that.

Chronic fatigue, joint pain and
opportunistic infection spells cancer.

Probably lymphoma.

FOREMAN: We should biopsy his
tonsillarand submandibular lymph nodes.

Right about cancer,
wrong about lymphoma.

Unless you're simply hidingthe fact
that his lymphnodes are swollen.

Get Wilson to biopsy his salivary
glands. He's got parotid cancer.

And see if you can get to the truth
about who he's been dating.

No way, a Marine goes a yearwithout
getting some bloodon his bayonet.

It's not an STD.
You just said...

Just do it.

The antibiotics should
at least relieve the infection,

which will reduce the odor
and taste in your mouth.

Not soon enough.

All right.
You're gonna feel a little burn.

You know I never even dipped?

Chewing tobacco.
Practically everyone in my unit did it.

But me. I was so paranoid
about cancer.

Well, if it's parotid cancer,
it's very treatable if diagnosed early.

My mom had cancer, which is why I know
that diagnosing cancer early

means before
there's any serious symptoms.

Certainly tastes like a pretty serious
symptom, you know?

We'll know more
after the test.

If he was just trying to
mess with Cuddy for wasting his time,

this would have stopped as
soon as the patient started

exhibiting actual symptoms.

So the question is,
why is he wasting our time?

Or is he wasting our time?

You think he's got a medical reason for
asking for the guy's credit report?

I don't.

Where were you two
when the guy woke up?

We just stepped out
for a second.

To do what?

To get a coffee.
We'd been up most of the night.

He's just pushing to make sure
we have a complete history.

Obviously we're missing
something or we'd have the answer.

You didn't have any coffee
when you came back.

All right already.
We confess. You caught us.

We snuck into one of
the sleep lab rooms to have sex.

We shouldn't have done it
while we were working and we're sorry.

Now can we move on?

House would do Wilson
before you'd do Chase.

No. You would do House and Wilson
before I'd do Chase.

Now can we
get back to work?

She did me once.

She was stoned!

Biopsy's inconclusive.

I'm gonna do a sialogram while we wait
for results

from the additional blood work.

No hurry.

Probably nothing we can do
at this point anyway.

As long as
the cancer hasn't spread...

He's spitting stink.
You should focus on the living.

I need a prescription.

I just wrote you
a prescription.

For Vicodin.
I need alfuzosin.

No, you don't.

You figured out
where you met your Marine?

What?

Oh, that. Haven't really
thought about it.

I can't pee.

You can't remember him,
can you?

I can't pee.

So stop taking the Vicodin.

I want to pee
and not be in pain.

Why don't you go to sleep?

I don't pee when I'm asleep.

Maybe you'll dream about him
again. Maybe he'll give you an address.

I haven't peed in three days.

I read that REM sleep is
the brain's way of working out problems.

- Very useful.
- Did you hear what I just said?

Yeah. You lied because you want to avoid
talking about your obsession.

- I'm not obsessing.
- Why don't you just ask him?

- I haven't peed in three days!
- You'd be dead.

I'm not counting
intermittent drips.

You'd be in agony.

I passed agony
yesterday around 4:00.

His mother, brother,
uncle and best friend

all confirm he hasn't had
a date in over a year.

Which means it's not an STD.

If you come up with something
medically relevant, page me.

What did you want me
to tell him? The truth?

No. You didn't have
to be so convincing.

Don't worry.
I'll make it up to you.

This is getting
out of control.

Don't pout.

Our patient woke up with an infection
while we were getting our rocks off.

Do you want to stop?

No.

But I don't want to
get caught, either.

You think I do?

You certainly didn't go out of your way
to keep the volume down

when we were
in the sleep lab.

I couldn't help that.

Why would I
want to get caught?

Maybe you want to give House
a reason to be jealous.

I'm over House.

All this is, is uncomplicated sex.
Don't try to make it more than that.

We're not doing it
at work anymore.

Fine.

Wanna go grab some lunch?

I think the pill
is the way to go.

We haven't had
a condom break yet. Thank God.

But it's bound to happen,
especially the way we've been doing it.

- On a bed of nails?
- No.

He's not kinky.
He's just insatiable.

I can barely make it
to any of my morning classes.

- You smoke?
- No way.

Stop it!

Sorry.

Any history of hypertension,
blood clots, strokes?

Nope. Besides my 0CD,
I'm fit as a fiddle.

- You have 0CD?
- Can't you tell?

Any other compulsions besides drinking
massive amounts of water?

No, that's it.
Thank God.

My therapist says
it could be a lot worse.

You get up in the middle
of the night to drink?

Yeah. Every couple of hours.

Then your therapist
is an idiot.

Unconscious people
don't have 0CD.

They can, whoever,
have diabetes insipidus.

That's impossible.
I eat candy all the time.

Different kind of diabetes. This kind is
caused by banged up pituitary.

You're obviously more of
a lover than a fighter.

I'm guessing either
a car accident

or you cracked your
skull on the balance beam.

How'd you know?

Easy. Nice ass. No boobs. And you've got
palms like a longshoreman.

Wait here.
You need a CAT scan.

- Oh, my God...
- Don't worry.

Just means you'll be taking
two hormone supplements instead of one.

(CLASSICAL MUSIC PLAYING)

Okay, this time
you're gonna feel a little pressure.

We're injecting
the contrast material.

Could you turn up the music?

Sure.

(VOLUME INCREASING)

Looks pretty good so far.

Still can't hear it that well.

(VOLUME INCREASING)

Can you hear it now?

John?

John!

John, can you hear me?

(DOOR OPENING)

Still no relief?

I got relief.

I just got no pee.

If the pills didn't work,
you may need a catheter.

You didn't come here
to talk to me about my pee.

What's going on?

He's got cancer all right.

But it's not in his salivary glands.
It's in his brain.

And it's bad.
At least six tumors. Maybe more.

He lost his hearing.
His sight's probably next.

Death is probably next.

HOUSE: No way he could've
grown all these in a week.

They can't be older.
The VA couldn't have missed all these.

Maybe they didn't miss them.
Just mixed them up.

Switched his films with
another patient's by mistake.

Maybe.

It'd mean some poor sap's
getting his melon sliced

at the VA for no reason.

And this poor sergeant's
gonna be dead by the end of the week.

Where've you two been?

CAMERON: Lunch.

Why? What happened?

Wilson's found some fast-growing,
elusive or magic brain tumors.

What did you find?

Nothing.
He's telling the truth.

About what?

CHASE: About everything.

Where he's lived,
who he's dated.

Besides forgetting to mention
his dad's shin splints,

his granddad's nosebleeds,
and to return a few rented DVDs,

everything he's told us
has checked out.

You have them
researching your dream?

No. I have them
researching my patient.

You had a dream
about a patient?

This poor guy's brain
is riddled with tumors

and you're checking his credit report?

Come on. I need you guys.

- Where are you going?
- To do my job.

He's not your patient.

He is now.
Go home and go to sleep.

Maybe you'll dream a cure
to late-stage brain cancer.

How is he?

He's dead.

- Oh, God.
- At least he will be in a few days.

Question is why.

The only explanation is that
the VA hospital screwed up.

There was definitely
no mix up. I had them recheck.

Yes. Why would a government agency lie
to cover up a mistake

that might have caused
the death of a guy

they'd been trying to kill
for the last two years anyway?

They didn't lie.

Did you just take
two Vicodin?

No. Just an antidepressant.

I was told to take two every time
you walked into the room.

The VA's scan of his brain.
No tumors.

Yes. This is proof positive that someone
didn't have tumors in their brain.

You see that bright spot
below his left orbit?

That is a titanium pin your patient
had inserted 20 years ago.

Unless you think the VA happened to mix
up his scans with someone

who had the exact same pin,
they didn't screw up.

You paged us?

Why didn't you send his urine
to Leicester like I told you?

Because you told me not to.

Why did you choose that moment
to listen to me?

You think depleted uranium might have
something to do with his tumors?

Radiation's the only thing
that will make tumors grow that fast.

High doses of radiation!

Even if he ate
depleted uranium bullets for breakfast,

he still would've been exposed
to less radiation

than we've given him
in the last two days.

Do it anyway.
And you, call his uncle back.

Find out if he ever brought his nephew
to any hospital parties or fundraisers.

No. Not until
you give me a reason.

- Because I'm your boss?
- A rational reason.

Or at least admit
that you don't have one.

I've got a full bladder
and I'm not afraid to use it.

But you are
apparently afraid

of discovering something you can't
rationally explain...

Shut up!

Do what you're told.

Cuddy and Wilson may not have
to listen to me, but you do.

What the hell
was that all about?

I don't care.

Which is why I didn't feel the need to
ask him eight personal questions.

I'm over him.

Just making an observation.

WILSON: All right.
Ready whenever you are.

I'm ready.

Wait a minute. Zoom in.

I don't see it. You sure you got
the right coordinates?

Yeah. She's in
the right place.

Go 10 millimeters above the AC-PC line
on the Z axis.

TECHNICIAN:
Ten mil above AC-PC on Z.

It's not there anymore.

Are you sure you got
the gantry angle right?

- Yeah, I'm sure.
- It's not there.

It disappeared.

Six tumors don't
just disappear.

Unless they were
never there to begin with.

The VA didn't screw up.

Maybe someone else did.

Maybe it was
Dr. Self-Righteous.

I saw the tumors.
There was no mix up.

Maybe there's something wrong with
the portable imager in the OR.

Something that would cause it
to show brain tissue in perfect detail

but completely miss
neoplastic tissue?

Then they were
never tumors to begin with.

I told you I saw...

Oh, you saw something that looked like
tumors. We all did. We were all wrong.

Or maybe he doesn't
have cancer.

Maybe he has a brain infection
that's causing multiple abscesses.

That miraculously healed?

No. They were healed
by the antibiotics

we're giving him for
the vaginosis in his mouth.

If it's an infection, why didn't it show
up in his blood work?

I don't know yet.

Dr. Wilson,
we have a problem.

What did you do?

I can't feel my legs!
I can't feel my legs!

- John".
- What did you guys do?

John! Calm down!
We didn't even operate.

Could this be
a regional effect?

I can't move my legs!

ANESTHESIOLOGIST:
It's not the anesthesia.

HOUSE: John! John!

We're gonna figure out
what's wrong with you.

But first we need to know one thing,
have you ever appeared in any porn?

Chronic fatigue,
sore throats, rashes,

putrid discharge in the mouth,
multiple abscesses in the brain,

hearing loss, and last but not least,
lower limb paralysis.

He's certainly given us
plenty of clues.

It's got to be
some sort of infection.

That's miraculously improving
in his brain

but getting worse
in his ears and legs?

Could be an infection
and cancer.

A neoplastic syndrome
could depress his immune system

and cause the other symptoms.

You're basing this theory
on the negative biopsy,

the lymph nodes
that aren't swollen,

or the tumors that were
never there to begin with?

And what are you gonna base
your theory on?

His favorite restaurants?

I was right.

He's excreting depleted
uranium in his urine.

We should start him on an IV infusion
of isotonic sodium bicarbonate...

It's not depleted uranium.

- You're the one...
- Who asked for the test

when we were thinking cancer.
We no longer are.

Depleted uranium doesn't just
cause cells to mutate.

It can cause
cell death as well.

Not spinal cord cells.

At least not before the dose
is high enough

to kill
all his other cells first.

So you're saying the radioactive uranium
in his urine is irrelevant.

The sun's radioactive.
The earth is radioactive.

This hospital is filled
with radiation.

The issue is not where it is,
but how much there is,

and what damage that amount can cause
in someone's spinal cord.

As I've already
stated quite clearly.

Got it. We're all idiots.
What's your theory?

Give me your keys.
Why?

You ever tried to ride a motorcycle
with a distended bladder?

Keep him on antibiotics, check his
hearing and paralysis every hour.

So you basically
want us to do nothing?

No. I basically
want to do nothing.

I want you to
keep him on antibiotics

and check his hearing
and paralysis every hour.

Wait. You can't
go home now.

Actually, I have to
go home now.

It's two days past my bedtime.

House, he needs your help.

And I need sleep!

Hey, it's the brain's way
of working out problems

that the conscious mind can't solve
during the day, remember?

(MACHINE BEEPING)

No. Nothing.

I'm gonna die. Aren't I?

FOREMAN: No, we're not.

We should start treatment for
the uranium toxicity like you said.

- But House...
- Isn't here.

If House wanted to be
involved in the case...

...he wanted us to
start this treatment,

he would have told us to do it
the last time you brought it up.

- You have a better idea?
- No.

Then we're going
with Chase's.

(DOOR SLAMS)

(GASPS)

(GROANS)

Tell him not to
get the lines tangled.

With an infusion this slow
we can't have any kinks in the line.

I went to medical school, too.

Keep your arms on your body.
Above your heart.

I can't feel my stomach!

I don't feel that!
I don't feel anything!

Paralysis is ascending.

If it keeps going
we're gonna need a respirator.

- What? What are you saying?
- Can you breathe?

No. Not yet.

REPORTER: ...incident onthe Garden
State Parkway,southbound at exit 91...

So, where were we?

- You have a nice night?
- No.

The paralysis is ascending.

Last check it was
nearly to his diaphragm.

- Tells us something.
- Means it's getting worse.

Worse is something.

Also it tells us
it's not the uranium.

Did we think it was?

We started him on sodium bicarb to try
to flush the uranium out of his system.

Great. Now the fact that
he's getting worse tells us nothing.

HOUSE:
Never thought it was uranium.

For all we know, the uranium treatment
is what's making him...

A sodium bicarb infusion
wouldn't have any effect on...

On what?

Kind of hard to say
what it wouldn't have an effect on

if you've no idea
what's there to affect.

- We had to do something.
- Well, next time,

go with something
that has a chance of working.

Like what?

You come up with some brilliant idea
while you're warm and cozy

- in your bed at home?
- We need more information.

How much more information
could you possibly want?

We have a medical history going all the
way back to his great grandparents.

- A non-medical history going...
- It's not enough.

It's all we're gonna get.

(PAGERS BEEPING)

Wanna bet?

Who approved
a sodium bicarb infusion?

Don't look at me.
I was home in bed.

- What's wrong?
- He's unconscious.

His skin has lost all color and his BP
and hematocrit are plunging.

FOREMAN: He was only on
the sodium bicarb...

He's bleeding out.

He can't be bleeding out.
There's no blood in the bed.

Fine. He's bleeding in.

There's no sign of bruising
or internal hemorrhaging.

FOREMAN: The paralysis
must've reached his diaphragm.

He's not able to
oxygenate his blood.

He's not able to oxygenate his blood
because he doesn't have any left.

There's no evidence.

HOUSE: The only thing
that would explain...

There's no reason
for blood loss.

There has to be a reason!

He needs a transfusion.
Get me four units of O-negative, stat.

Let's elevate his feet.

He doesn't need a transfusion.

Nobody asked you.
In fact, why are you even here?

- Because obviously you need my help.
- Get out.

House, his blood obviously
didn't just vanish into...

What the hell is this?

Somebody must have
spilled something.

Somebody else should be getting me four
units of O-negative, stat.

What the hell is that?

It's a urine catheter
collection bag with a rip in it.

HOUSE: What the hell's
it look like?

What?

It's just urine. It's sterile.

No one's getting me blood!
Why isn't anybody getting me blood?

You're bleeding.

House, are you all right?

Why are you even here?

I'm always here.

No, you're not.

HOUSE: There's a reason.
There has to be.

REPORTER: ...incident on
the Garden State Parkway...

So, where were we?

Have a nice night?

Yes, I did. Thank you.

I'm guessing better
than our patient.

Probably due to his BP
and hematocrit plunging.

How'd you know?

HOUSE: The answer was staring
right at us the whole time.

As plain as
the nose on our faces.

And the nose on his face.

What's going on?
What did he say?

No hairs and
cauterization scars.

Which means?

- He had it cauterized.
- How could you know that?

Because it makes sense.

Undoubtedly done to stop
the same childhood nosebleeds

that plagued
his grandfather.

Undoubtedly because they were both born

with hereditary hemorrhagic
telangiectasia.

What's he saying?

I'm saying you have a genetic disease
that's destroying your capillaries.

That no one in his family's
ever been diagnosed with before?

Not surprising,
since the most common initial symptoms,

skin rashes and nosebleeds
are often written off

as the result of
minor trauma or dry weather.

But they can also be the result of his
arteries and veins merging together.

He obviously has AVMs.

HOUSE: AVM near the spine
caused the paralysis.

AVM in his lungs prevented
his blood from being filtered.

Dirty blood caused
the joint pain, fatigue,

and the infections
in his mouth and brain.

Nothing that a few surgeries
won't clear up.

Get MR angiograms
of the aforementioned.

The Marines weren't hiding
anything. He was.

Or at least he forgot
to mention his bloody tissue issue.

What's going on?
What did he say?

(HUMMING)

Well, looks like solving the case
solved your other problem.

There is no medicine
like happiness. Except maybe laughter.

Or rubber tubes
shoved up your urethra.

You cathed yourself?

It's actually not that bad after the
first, I don't know, 9 or 10 inches.

The cath relieved the spasm.
I'm good as new.

Of course.
Just a minor spasm in a muscle

you've been using multiple times a day

without any problems
for the past 45 years.

Not a major side effect

caused by the overuse of a particular
narcotic painkiller.

Yeah.
That was my thought, too.

So, no reason to think about
cutting back on your use

of that particular pill.

Thank God!

Actually, it was
the triple dose of the good stuff

that allowed me to finally get some
sleep and solve the case.

Pills made all my dreams
come true.

You really got the answer
in your sleep?

I got one in my sleep.
The other one I got in the shower.

I've been thinking about you.

You lied.

I didn't lie.

I simply chose not to share
completely irrelevant facts.

Like the fact that you lied.

No wonder I couldn't
place his face.

You were practically
swallowing it on the dance floor.

I was not.

Talk about the cool uncle.

He donates the money
and the nephew gets the write-off.

And of course, by write-off,
I mean he gets to put your ankles...

This is exactly why I didn't mention
our one date over two years ago.

Because of my T-shirt.

Because you are
an obnoxious ass.

Because you would have
spent the whole time...

That's very smart.

'Cause this way I spent the whole time
completely focused on the patient.

How did you even
remember him?

We were only at that party
for like 10 minutes!

Is this a new health plan?

Service the Dean of Medicine, you get
free health care for a year?

Why are you smiling?

You remembered him
because he made out with me.

I'm good with faces.

So this plan,
is it open to anyone? ls there a co-pay?

You're lousy with faces.

Don't make this about me.
This is your humiliation.

So how much for
private room coverage?

Get over me.

Give me a break.
You hired me...

'Cause you're a good doctor who couldn't
get himself hired at a blood bank,

so I got you cheap.

You gave me everything I asked for

because one night I gave you
everything...

Stop staring at my ass
when you think I'm not looking,

showing up at restaurants
where I happen to be on a date,

and fantasizing about me
in the shower.

That ship sailed
long ago, House.

Get over it.

If you're still referring
to your ass,

I think that supertanker sailed would be
the more precise metaphor.

Sorry.

Just looking for
an extra-large trashcan.

Since when does
he clean anything up?