House (2004–2012): Season 2, Episode 15 - Clueless - full transcript

[Sneezes]

[Sneezes]

[Electronic voice from scale]
You're weight is 1-1-3.9 pounds.

Are you gonna make me hurt you?

- I didn't think so.
- [Screams]

[Crashes]
No!

Are you all right?

Did I hurt you?

Bob!

Bob, what's wrong?

What happened? Talk to me.



Oh, my God. Okay,
honey, hang on, hang on.

911. What is your emergency?

Yes, we need an ambulance
at 10600 Xavier, unit 4B!

My husband can't breathe.

Oh, my God!

He's turning blue.
You have to send someone now!
Please, hurry!

2X15 - Clueless

Original Airdate (FOX): 28-MAR-2006

[Turns on the shower]

[Gargles]

[Clips nails]

[Uses the hair dryer]

You blow dry your hair?

Oh, sorry,
did I wake you up?



You blow dry your hair?

Excuse me for actually
caring what I look like.

I think the word you're
looking for is obsessing.

Been at it for almost an hour.

If you wanted in,
all you had to do is say so.

I don't want in.
I want sleep.

It's about time
you got up anyway.
It's almost 9:00.

This isn't gonna work.

What?

You. Staying here.

You're kicking me out?

After one night?

What, you think
we should try counseling first?

Why do you want to
sleep on a couch anyway?
You got money.

At least until
the divorce is finalized.

I'll be out of your hair tomorrow.

What's left of it.

Bob:
It was three days ago.

My throat got really dry
and then my tongue felt like
it was blowing up like a balloon.

I assume somebody checked
for food allergies?

Well, the first two doctors, both did.

Next one said it was a panic attack.
The one after that
wanted to take his tonsils out.

The last one had no idea.
He just referred us to Dr. House.

It says the attack was
preceded by some sort of
strenuous physical activity.

Um...yeah.

What were you doing?

Awesome.

A sex fiend
with a swollen tongue.

Just think of all the places
I can make Foreman search.

He's not a sex fiend.
He's a happily married man.

No such thing.

What're you doing?

Testing a new caffeine delivery system.

He didn't get his beauty sleep.

Wilson's moved in and apparently
has unusually loud toenails.

If they're into rape fantasies,
S&M is on the menu as well.

Neck trauma could cause
vocal chords paroxysms,
which could cause choking.

Cameron:
I didn't see any sign of trauma,
and they were remarkably open.

I asked about STDs, and
they admitted participating in
a threesome a few months ago.

Hundred bucks says
they're as miserable
as the next couple.

Another guy or girl?

Girl.
His wife's college roommate.

If he's not happily married,
I don't know who could be.

They're looking for something.

If you're happy,
you got nothing to look for.

His wife arranged it
for an anniversary present.

And if you ask me,
if two people really
trust each other,

a threesome
once every seven years
might actually help a marriage.

Okay, I say we stop the DDX
and discuss that comment.

I'll take the bet.

Maybe the first doctor was right.
A food allergy explains the anaphylaxis.

Could be neurological.
Progressive Bulbar Paralysis
would explain the symptoms.

No. ALS would affect
his facial muscles
before his throat.

What if the problem's
not in his throat?

That'd be a little odd considering
that's where all his symptoms are.

- Says who?
- The patient.

Since most patients can't tell
their ulna from their anus,

I'm guessing this guy also
doesn't know the difference
between choking and suffocating.

His throat might be fine.
His lungs might be messed up.

Get more blood, a chest CT,
and a body plethysmograph.

Unless of course, you think
we should be asking the patient
where his anus is first.

It, uh, feels like I have to urinate,
and then when I try to go--

Pull up your pants.

- It's my prostate, isn't it?
- Nope. Not your prostate.

Herpes.

Herpes?

Herpes.

Your turn.

If it makes you feel any better,
half the patients who come into this place
have some sort of crotch rot.

Uh, no, it doesn't.

Look, this is impossible.
I've been married for 20 years.

You had any sex
in those 20 years?

- Yes, of course--
- Then that's how you got it.

The only person
I've had sex with is my wife.

Bummer.

Take this once a day.
Tell your wife to do the same.

It's not gonna cure it, but it'll lessen
the frequency of the outbreaks.

But there must be some mistake.

You got any kids?

Yeah.

Any of them take guitar lessons?

No.

Tennis, art, acting?

My daughter does karate. Why?

Give this to her sensei.

Oh, wait.
Does your wife play tennis?

No.

That's what I figured.
It never hurts to make sure.

[Rip of paper]
For Miyagi.

I'm gonna close the shutter now.
I need you to pant. Kind of like a dog.

[Pants]

That's good. Keep going.

Can I ask you
a personal question?

Uh, I guess.

The, um...the threesome.
And...the role playing.
Is that because things get boring?

No.

We just...enjoy our fantasies.

- You married?
- No.

You can go back to taking
the deep breaths now.

Marriages don't fail
because couples get bored.

They fail because...

while they're dating, people pretend
to be the person they think
their partner wants and then....

Well, there's only so long
you can keep that up.

Maybe they are that person
while they're dating,
but then they change.

People thinking their partner will change?
That's another reason marriages fail.

People don't change.

At least not in any way
that really matters.

I think you've had
enough caffeine.

You were right.
It's not his throat. It's his lungs.

Plethysmograph revealed
decreased lung capacity.

And the CT showed lung scarring.

It's definitely
interstitial pulmonary fibrosis.
What's not definite is the cause.

There's no arthritis, no sarcoidosis.
Uh, he's not on any prescription meds.

And he's a wedding photographer
so I doubt he got exposed to
coal dust or asbestos at work.

Cause could be idiopathic.

Can't be idiopathic.
Idiopathic means
without a known cause.

What I meant was that--

What you meant was
you don't know what the cause is.

Just say that, and
we can avoid this conversation.

No applause?

- What's his current condition?
- Stable.

- Then we can wait.
- Wait for what?

For whatever you can't figure out
to cause something else.

You know it's going to.

It's possible the IPF could
just continue to--
[Beepers go off]

There's something wrong
with his skin.

Okay, stop scratching.
I gotta look at it.

I can't!
This is driving me crazy.

Stop scratching so--

- Make it stop!
- Okay--

Make it stop!

Make it stop.

Now we got something to discuss.

What causes both lung scarring
and the itchy splotchy red blotchies?

It's obviously not
a reaction to medication.
We haven't given him any yet.

Right. But what besides
what it's obviously not can cause
both lung scarring and the splotchies?

Where are you going?

To complete the second half of
the caffeine delivery system.

Either talk louder
or get in here!

Same color coming out as going in.

You think that's
a marketing thing?

Lupus could cause
lung scarring and a rash.

Or it could still be
a food allergy.

We've already
ruled out allergies.

Did we?

Where's Cameron?

We're in the men's room.

We need an allergy expert in here!

This can wait two minutes.

You don't know that.

Chase thinks that food allergies
should still be on the table.

No, it wouldn't explain
the lung scarring.

Some homeopathic studies have found
a connection between food allergies
and autoimmune reactions,

which could cause lung inflammation.

Yeah. And some homeopathic studies
have also found that
ground-up spiders can cure cancer.

Can I go now?

No.

Lungs, skin. Skin, lungs.

Sklungs?

Lungs, skin.

Throat.

Heavy metal toxicity.

It explains the lungs, the itching,

the swelling in
his tongue and throat.

I thought you didn't believe
there was anything wrong
with this throat.

I never said
I didn't believe it.

I just said
I had good reason to doubt it.

And now?

And now I have good reason
to doubt those doubts.

Patient's a little old to be
chewing paint off the walls.

Nor does he drink well water or eat fish
every day or do anything else that
could've exposed him to heavy metals.

He and his wife worked a wedding
in Cabo San Lucas last month.

A lot of pottery in Mexico is
contaminated with lead-based paint.

Now aren't you glad
you joined us?

Search their house and screen
his blood and hair for lead.

And test for mercury and arsenic
while you're at it.

Chase.

Find out what the resort cooks with,
and if they have repainted recently
or did any plumbing repairs.

I don't speak Spanish.

Then it'll be challenging.

Good Lord.

What is that smell?

Stuffed pepper.

Stuffed with what?

Vomit?

Thought you were
going to a hotel.

I found an apartment.

I can move in on Monday.
Is that fast enough for you?

What's today?

Where'd you get all that stuff?

Well, not from your kitchen.

Don't you ever eat anything besides
canned soup and peanut butter?

Don't you eat anything that
doesn't look like it's been rolled
onto your plate by a dung beetle?

Try it.

It's good, isn't it?

No.

Just better than it looks.

How much beans and rice do you think
you'd have to eat from a ceramic pot

painted with lead-based paint
to get enough lead into your system
to damage your lungs?

Are we talking a child or an adult?

Adult.

Then I'd say a lot.

You'd have to beans
every day for months.

Now, why do you have a season pass
to the New Yankee workshop?

It's a complete moron
working with power tools.

How much more
suspenseful can you get?

- I'm--I was watching something.
- No...

You were about
to watch something.

I'm watching something.
See the difference?

If the water was contaminated,
wouldn't I be sick too?

People can metabolize toxins
at different rates.

We'll test it to be sure.

- Have you done any
recent renovations?
- No.

Have any problem
with bugs or rodents?

Just the occasional ant.

Use bug spray?

No. I hate the smell.

Luckily both of us are pretty anal
about keeping things clean.

Yeah, I can tell.

You think ants are the problem?

Can you stop stuffing your mouth
with pancakes for one second?

These aren't pancakes.
These are macadamia nut pancakes.

Wilson made 'em
and they're amazing.

- She said she doesn't
use bug spray, but--
- Silver dollar slices of heaven.

- Some ants are poisonous. Maybe--
- Forget the 72 virgins.

If I blow myself up
in a crowded restaurant,

I'm gonna be asking
for a plate of these babies.

Is the ant big and red
or small and black?

Medium and brown.

Halle Berry brown
or Beyoncé brown?

Is there a difference?

Is there a difference?

Army ants could devour, dissolve,
eat a cow in a matter of hours.

Australian bull ants on the hand

are nasty little bastards, but they're
more of a nuisance than a threat.
No surprise there.

Beyoncé.

Well, then that's not it.

How much clay did
he eat at the resort?

It's a five-star, 400-a-night place.
They don't cook with ceramic pots.

Tox screen?

No evidence of lead,
mercury, or arsenic.

Run 'em again.

Call the resort.
Find some disgruntled
employee to talk to.

- Go back to the home--
- It's not heavy metals.

- The symptoms say it is.
- The tests say it's not.

Well, who you gonna believe?
The symptoms or the tests?

Could also be a food allergy.

Cameron says it's not.

If your tests can be wrong,
why can't hers?

His diet hasn't changed
since he was a kid.
His favorite foodis Corn Flakes.

Which I assume he eats with milk,
one of the most common
adult onset food allergies.

Start treating him for lead poisoning.
It's the most likely heavy metal.

And yeah,
you can test him for allergies
for dairy, wheat, and legume.

I am not having an affair with
my daughter's karate instructor,
and I did not give my husband herpes.

Found out where House is.

If you're convinced it's allergies,
why're you giving him drugs
to treat lead poisoning?

We're not convinced
of anything, yet.

I think I need something else.
This cream isn't working.

We're doing everything we can.

Ow!

Sorry.

No, no, it's not my back.
It's my feet.

I think I stepped in something
when I went to the bathroom.

Uh, it's on my socks.
It's burning!

I don't see anything.

Bob:
Please take my socks off.

Wait, wait, wait, wait.

Ow! Stop. Stop, stop!

What did you just
scratch him with?

If there was an allergic reaction,
it'd be on his back, not on his feet.

Oh, God, it's burning!
Please make it stop.

Gonna need some
gabapentin in here.

Excruciating pain
in the lower extremities.

Not a sign of a food allergy.

Means there's
a neurological problem.

More significantly,
it's yet another classic sign
of heavy metals.

And I just did yet another hair and blood test
for lead and everything else he could possibly
have been exposed to. They're all negative.

It's gotta be something else.

- Lupus could cause--
- No.

Lupus progresses slower.
There'd be joint pain.

So it's not a typical case.

- We should get an ANA--
- It's not lupus.

Symptoms don't match.

And the tests don't match
heavy metals.

[Beepers go off]

Maria:
It's happening again.
He's not breathing!

Tongue's swelling,
airways closing.
He's not getting any air.

- His lungs are clear.
- We're gonna have to intubate.

Try to relax, Bob, this is
gonna help you breathe.

Oh, my God!

He's gonna aspirate.
Need suction!

What's happening?

Suction.

There's too much vomit.
We're never going
to be able to intubate.

We need to trach him.

He's not breathing.

Foreman:
His urine has elevated
proteins and red blood cells.

It's lupus-induced kidney failure.
If we don't start treatment--

Heavy metal toxicity
could cause vomiting.

And so would lupus nephritis,
and it also causes tissue swelling.

He's choking on his tongue,
not his feet.

The corticosteroids we gave him
to control the inflammation
can cause facial swelling.

It's still not his throat,
but you're getting closer.

I'm doing an ANA and
a serum compliment.

If you're so sure,
why waste time with tests?
Just start treatment.

Oh, no, wait, we can't do that
because we already have and
it's not working. Ergo--

Corticosteroids aren't
the only treatment
for lupus nephritis.

We could also try
cyclophosphamide or
immunosuppressants.

Only if we confirm the diagnosis with
an ANA, serum compliment, anti-DNA,
IV pyelogram, and kidney biopsy.

So now you suddenly
believe in tests?

- The symptoms--
- The symptoms all point
to heavy metal poisoning.

Yeah, we all get it.

Unless you've got proof and
can tell me which heavy metal it is,

I'm starting treatment for lupus.

Systemic lupus erythematosus
causes the immune system
to become hyperactive.

Attack normal tissue.

It could be what caused
the lung inflammation

as well as the swelling in his throat
and now what appears to
be damage to his kidneys.

The treatment's
usually steroids.

But he's already on steroids.

If the tests confirm we're on the right track,
there are other medications we can try.

And if those don't work?

Well, lupus is a chronic condition,
but it's generally controllable.

What do you mean, generally?

In rare cases, it can cause
cardiovascular or renal failure.

Cardiovascular and...

renal. That's, uh, the heart
and the kidneys, right?

Yeah.

[Hoarsely]
Don't worry. It'll be all right.

Enjoying the salad?

There's no lettuce.

I'm aware that
there's no lettuce!

Do you know when
I obtained this knowledge?

Actually, I'm in the middle of--

When I made it.

For myself.

Well, how was I supposed to know?

Well...I was hoping--
This might tip you off.

That's kind of selfish.
Don't you think?

I offered to make you some.
You said no.

Ah, that was before
I tasted the pancakes.

It's a compliment,
you should be flattered.

Here.

It's Mrs. Lambert's
herpes test results.

Mrs. who?

You've told more than one patient
his wife is sleeping with
his daughter's karate teacher?

You wanna stir the pot,
you have to clean up the mess.

What would you do
if you got herpes?

She's coming in at 5:00,
don't make me come looking for you.

Actually, I know what you'd do.
But I mean a normal guy--

And don't be calling in sick, or saying
that your team needs you for
some kind of emergency consult.

If he suspected that maybe his wife
had also been playing pickle games,
he could just keep it on the down low.

At least wait
till she got infected.

You'd give your own wife herpes
just to shift the blame onto--

Oh, he'd give his own mother herpes
if it got him out of clinic duty.

Of course, maybe it was the wife.

Maybe she was the one who--

Where's Mrs. Nympho?

She's waiting outside. Why?

Go search her.

What, you mean
her medical records?

If I meant that,
good chance I'd have said that.

You think she's poisoning him?

His symptoms should be getting
better the longer he's here.
Instead they're getting worse.

So either she's poisoning him or--
It's not heavy metals.

We've done over ten different
heavy metal tox screens--

Because there's no reason
to test for the other 30.

They don't get into the air or food.
They only get in you
if someone puts them in you.

And the only way we're going to find out
what she's been sprinkling on
his corn flakes is to search her.

I am not going to accuse a woman
of trying to murder her own husband
based simply on some paranoid theory.

It's the only explanation.

We've eliminated
every other possibility.

We have not eliminated
every other possibility.

Has he responded to
the latest lupus treatment?

He's only been on it
for a few hours.

He hasn't responded
because it's not lupus.

It's not allergies, ALS,
arthritis, or sarcoidosis.

She's all that's left.

Do it!

Hi.

I'm Dr. House.

Mind if I take a lookin your purse?

Why?

Because I'm going to need to search it
and you for whatever you're using
to poison your husband.

Why would I want
to hurt my husband?

Then you won't mind
if I search your things.

Go ahead.

You satisfied?

Absolutely not.

She agreed to let me
search everywhere else,
but this she says no to.

Doesn't that tell you something?

Yes, that she doesn't want
some lunatic doctor searching
her vagina with a flashlight.

Oh, Cameron could do that.

I'm not going to--

The woman hasn't left
the hospital since they arrived.

Whatever she's using, she's
obviously hiding somewhere.

She's not poisoning him.

It's the only explanation.

No, it's the only explanation
your twisted mind can come up with

because you're angry that
you can't find the answer,
and you're taking it out on her.

And you are protecting
a complete stranger based on
some childishly romantic notion that

people are all so happily married
they don't want to kill each other.

You calling me childish?

Grow up.

Shut up.

Both of you.
And stay away from his wife.

Sorry. I'm not giving you
permission to assault someone.

Let's see. I'm thinking

Colonel Mustard
in the music room
with the candlestick.

There's no music room.
It's the conservatory.

- Same thing.
- No, it isn't.

If we don't find out what she's using
and start treatment immediately,
he'll be dead in a week.

If you're right.

If Foreman's right,
you'd have basically raped
an innocent woman.

My wife fired the maid.

Apparently she's getting rid of
everything that reminds her of me.

You did your maid?

I was nice to our maid,
which...annoyed her.
God knows why.

Maybe she was doing her.

No one was doing her.
All right?

But, you still
feel responsible.

Even though nothing
or no one was done,
it's still your fault.

I offered to keep paying her salary
until she found another job.

But she refused to take any money
without doing any work, so--

If you want someone to
clean your apartment,

It's on me.

You're supposed to moving out,
not moving more people in.

She's not moving in.
She's gonna clean.

Maybe I should just move out,
and the the two of you could--

Oh, God!
[Machine beeps]

- Oh, God, no.
- Call a code!

Please.

Charge it to 360.
Give him epi.

Clear!

Still no pulse.

Charging. Clear!

I got a pulse.

Pupils are reactive.

You still with us?

He was without oxygen
for less than a minute.
It can't be hypoxia.

Could be a stroke.

Honey, can you hear me?

Back up.

Bob, talk to me. Bob?

Honey, please.

Bob, can you hear me?

He's awake.

Can you hear me?

Honey?

[Whispers] Hi.

Yes. She is...
quite the little actress.

So, let's say she's
not poisoning him.

There's nothing more to discuss.

We've got lungand kidney failure,
neurological symptoms,
and now cardiac arrest.

A systemic disease with
multi-organ involvement
is the definition of lupus.

Autoimmune suppressants
aren't helping.

We should start him
on cyclophosphamide.
See if it makes a difference.

Yeah. And interferon.

Interferon isn't an approved
treatment for lupus.

You're not still thinking--

Interferon isn't
an approved treatment for
heavy metal toxicity either.

True. But it's pretty much
the only thing we can do
for a viral infection.

We didn't consider it because--

Because it doesn't make sense.
There's no fever.

Because he's got
no immune system.

Thanks to the immunosuppressants
you prescribe for lupus treatment.

He didn't present
with a fever either.

Because at that point, he was
a post-viral autoimmune reaction.

Which again--

Thanks to the immunosuppressants
you prescribed for lupus treatment,

his immune system basically
rolled out the red carpet

for the dormant virus, waking it up,
turning it into a present viral infection.

Give him interferon.

But if it is lupus,
interferon could make it worse.

Suppress his bone marrow
even further.

Which is more likely?

A rapidly progressing, acute-onset lupus
in a patient who's already on steroids,

or a team of doctors
missing a post-viral reaction?

We didn't miss anything.

Well then, I'm wrong
and you shouldn't--
Give him interferon!

Intravenous interferon has
been shown to be effective
against some viral infections.

But, I thought you said
it wasn't an infection.
You said it was lupus.

The increasingly rapid
progression of the symptoms
has caused us to reconsider.

And what if you're wrong here too?

What if it's not a virus?

There are risks
with interferon.

Especially in a patient who's
already immunosuppressed.

Look, at this point, you're lungs,
kidneys,and heart are all failing.

We really don't have any choice.

[Hoarsely] I cheated.

What?

9th grade...
earth science.

Mr. Foley.

I sat behind you
so I could cheat off of you.

And I let you cheat...
so you'd sit behind me.

I thought we were gonna
grow old together.

In 9th grade?

No. 10th.

What, you had to make sure
I put out first?

No.

I knew you put out
in the 7th grade.

I love you.

Yeah, I know.

Say you love me.

No. [Crying]

Why not?

Because...you're not dying.

Say it anyway.

You gonna make me hurt you?

I love you.

Foreman:
It's not working.

Both his lungs and kidneys
are continuing to deteriorate.

- Up the dose.
- We already have.

Apparently not enough.

I don't think it's a virus.

We've been running titers
for everything we could think of.
They're all negative.

[House's beeper goes off]

Increase the interferon.

House.

You got a better idea?
Other than lupus?

No.

Then up the dose.

Mr. and Mrs. Lambert's appointment
was over an hour ago.

Sorry. I was sick.
And my team needed
an emergency consult.

Your wife has herpes.

What?

That-- That's impossible.
I don't have any--

You haven't had
an outbreak...yet.

Don't worry, you will.

You rutty jackass!

Me? I haven't been
with anyone in 20 years!

But you're the one
with the blisters on his--

Doesn't mean
that he got it first.

You don't need to have
an outbreak to spread the virus.

Yeah! And you're the one always
talking about wanting more sex.

From you.

And maybe I'd get more
if you weren't actually
getting it somewhere else.

Well, you two obviously
have a lot to talk about.

Don't even think about
dumping this on my lap.

There's gotta be someway
to prove that it's him.

I'm sorry. There is no test.

Either you two ever
sit on a public toilet?

Well?

Of course.

Herpes can live
for short periods of time
outside the body.

Dr. House, you know
you can't get herpes--

Some politically correct doctors
will tell you that it's impossible
to get infected by a toilet seat,

but they'll also tell you not to use
the same bath towel to dry your crotch
and your face during an outbreak.

See the contradiction?

I always use a paper cover.

- Always?
- Yes, of course.

What about you?

No.

I never knew.

Oh, please.
This is ridiculous.

Damn.
I was sure it was Miyagi.

What?

He could believe that you can
get herpes from a toilet seat, or

he could be cheating on you
and just be happy to have an out.

The toilet seat
makes sense, doesn't it?

Sure, but she'd only refused
to believe such a well presented lie
if she were innocent.

And since you both
can't be innocent...
You rutty jackass.

Oh, you--

- Thanks a lot.
- My pleasure.

Honey. Wait! Please.

Wow.

Not bad.

She has a family history
of arthritis, doesn't she?

Yeah, she does.
What does--?

Stop the interferon.

Do another heavy metal screen.
Only this time, test for gold.

You don't still think that she--

And don't let her
go to the bathroom.

Why would you care if she--
[House hangs up]

Hello?

Ho!

Hi.

I'm Lady.

What'd you do to my closet?

I cleaned it.

Uh, Dr. Wilson said
that I could go ahead--

It's not Dr. Wilson's closet!

Where's the wood box?

- A wood box?
- Yes, the wood box.

It's made of wood,
and it's box-shaped.

It's been in the back of thiscloset since the day I moved in.

I didn't seeany kind of wood--

You may not have seen it,
but you've obviously moved it.
The question is where?

Well, I did not move anything, I just--

Look, it was in this closet.
Then you came.
Now it's not in this closet.

Okay, uh--What type of box?

Wood! Wood!

It's a brown wood box.
It's got a metal handle on the top.
It looks like a--

like a tackle or a toolbox.

Ah, you mean the chest?

The one that's under the bed?

Do you need to fix something?

Um. Thanks.

Well, fine, then I'll go
to one on another floor.

Well, actually, they're
not working there either.

Every bathroom
in the whole hospital
is out of order?

Well, they're,
um--The water--

I'm going to the bathroom.

Where is she?

She had to go to the bathroom.

- I told you not to let her.
- What was I supposed to do?

- Tie her up?
- Why not? She likes that.

What are you doing?

Uh, your hand is wet.

Sorry. Must be nervous.

I got some bad news.

What?

The damage to your husband's
lungs is permanent.

The kidney damage is reversible,
and with the right therapy,

he should regain
full neurological function.

Other than the fact that he's not
gonna be running any marathons,
he should be fine.

But that's good news, isn't it?

I'm not finished.

When I was a kid,
my dad was stationed
in a Marine base in Egypt.

We were in the middle of nowhere,
and there was absolutely nothing
for a kid to do except...

look for a mummy's tomb.

You didn't want me
to go to the bathroom
because you wanted to tell me

my husband is going to be fine
and that...you used to live in Egypt?

I didn't have a problem
with you going to the bathroom.

I just didn't want you
to wash your hands.

I never actually found a mummy.

But, I did learn a fair amount
about the ancient Egyptians.

For example, they discovered
that stannous chloride is not only
great for toughening ruby glass,

but if it's mixed with gold,
it turns bright purple.

Now either, your fingers actually
are worth their weight in gold,

or you've been sprinkling
your husband's cereal
with gold sodium thiomalate.

It's an arthritis remedy that
it's rarely used here in the in the U.S.,
but it's still popular in Mexico.

Gotta give you props.

I've never heard of
anyone using gold before.

It's almost...poetic.

It's ridiculous.

Heavy metal tox screen
for gold was off the chart.

Why would I--

Because you were
trying to kill him.

I'd love to know
the why behind that why.

But, you're not gonna
tell me, are you?

You're wrong. I--

I love Bob.

I never said
you didn't love him.

How does somebody do that?

Sit by someone's bedside day and night,
helping them, comforting them,
and at the same time killing them.

Maybe he was
having an affair.

Maybe she was
having an affair.

Or maybe she just gets her kicks out of
slowly sucking the life out of a guy,
watching him suffer.

He must've done something to her.

Yeah, he had it coming.

I didn't say he deserved it.

The only thing he did wrong
was marry a sociopath.

Or maybe she just got
tired of being married.

Didn't want to admit to family and friends
that the marriage everyone thought
was perfect wasn't.

Shouldn't of us stay with her?

What is she tries to run?

Yeah. Cameron,
go back there.

It'd be weird if we were
all in the ladies' room.

Cameron:
We started chelation therapy
with dimercaprol.

Thrilled to hear it.

His kidney function
hasn't improved.

It will.

He's gonna need
a lung transplant.

He's becoming more attractive
by the minute, isn't he?

You're pleased.

You think you've proved
every marriage is a mistake.

Do I look pleased?

Ignorance is bliss.

"Love and Happiness" by Al Green

# Love and happiness #

# Wait a minute #
# Something goin' wrong #

# Someone's on the phone #

# 3:00 in the mornin' #
# Yeah #

# Talkin' about #

# How she can make it right, yeah #

# Well #

# Happiness is when #

# You really feel good
about somebody #

# There's nothin' wrong #

# Bein' in love with someone #
# Yeah, yeah #

# Oh, baby #

# Love and happiness #

You have one new message. [Beep]

Hi, this is Blake Hanson
calling for Dr. Wilson.

I got a better offer
for the apartment.

Now, I know offered it to you already,
so if you match the offer,
you can still have the place.

Make sure you call me first thing
in the morning and let me know,
Otherwise, well, you got my number.

# Make you do right #

# And #

# Love will make you do wrong #

# Yeah #

# Love and happiness #

Message deleted.