Hostel Daze (2019–…): Season 1, Episode 1 - Intro - full transcript
Ankit Pandey enters hostel to find that the room allotted to him is already occupied by Chirag and Jaat. He has to find himself a room, and a bed that too in the ragging period.
When are you throwing a party
to celebrate your internship?
- Didn't get the PPO bro.
- Oh!
All set?
Did you talk to your mother?
Are your rooms set?
Are you done with your food?
Shall we begin with
the interaction then?
Come on, let's begin.
My name is Rupesh Bhatia.
My roll number is 170037.
I have been selected for
the 4 year undergraduate
program of Mechanical Engineering.
My hobbies are exercising,
reacquiring illegally possessed plots...
...and finding a nice
bull to mate with my cow.
- All hail Hostel number 3!
- Hail!
The boy had shaped up
pretty well in just 3 days.
Great.
You have a bright future.
He'll be our first contender
in our "Hostel Abuse Tournament".
Mota Bheem.
How many abuses can
you hurl in a single breath?
Sir, I have asthma.
I'm not well versed with the cuss words.
I'll participate in some other activity.
Have you come to a fucking summer camp.
You asshole!
Is this 'The Neelam show?'
We need to get rid of the coyness inside you.
Listen, you have to invent 10 cuss
words overnight and learn them by-heart.
I am going to test you on that.
Yeah... and we'll also show him,
two girls, one cup.
On the Oculus.
Him? He will start crying.
- This entire batch is useless.
- No sir.
We have three girls Mechanical this year.
- Three?
- Yes.
You have the list?
I do.
But haven't shortlisted yet.
- We'll do it together.
- Yes.
Come.
I will go keep my
stuff in the cupboard first.
Because if Reddy gets
to the cupboard first...
Get lost.
Thanks for understanding.
Reddy's train is delayed.
He's arriving in the evening.
Meet me at the canteen
once you are settled.
Mr. Jatin. Correction... Correction.
Jhantoo Ji, if you don't mind,
may I ask you a question?
- 8 inches, without pills.
- What?
No, I mean how could you rag...
Correction..Correction. Intro.
I mean how can you take our intro...?
...because you're a fresher too.
Who are you calling a fresher, asshole?
I've been chilling in these corridors
even before the first landing on mars...
...and Ranveer started
going around with Deepika.
Understand? Ask him.
Tell him.
Brother Jhantoo sat for his first entrance
test in 2014 with his friends.
His friends cracked the entrance,
but Jhantoo became a part of the college.
Not as a student,
but a squatter in the hostel.
And thanks to the money earned...
...by selling booze,
smokes, friends' mess cards,...
... seven 7 fake ID cards and
staying in this hostel all the while...
...he cracked this entrance
exam in just four years.
And by achieving this feat
he has made our village Jhabua proud...
...and also became an
inspiration for many youngsters.
19576, Agricultural Engineering.
My name is Jatin, but
people call me Jhantoo out of respect.
Jhantoo, you motherfucker!
where the hell are you?
Coming.
Respect.
How dare he call me Mota Bheem.
Bloody Teletubby. Now you wait and watch.
Hey, Jaat.
When the Dean asks who ragged
you, then what am I going to say?
I don't even remember their names.
But don't worry,
it won't get to that.
Of course, it will.
Just wait,
Dean will take strict action...
...as soon as he finds
out about the complaint.
He clearly mentioned during the
orientation that we were like his own kids.
After giving birth to a child,
even the doctor smacks them on their ass.
Nobody's life begins without crying.
You're a fool, if you
think ragging is cool.
Didn't you see the poster?
You are scared because of these posters.
What did they exactly do to you?
They only made you say asshole and faggot.
At the most, they will make
you utter bastard or dickhead.
Jaat, please don't use bad words.
Alright. if I say it,
those become bad words.
And when Virat Kohli
abuses on the pitch...
...then he's cool,
aggressive and passionate.
Son, the problem is not with the words,
it's the thought behind it.
Tell me something.
What does your mother
wear under her petticoat?
Rupesh. How dare you talk about...
Slippers. She wears slippers.
Don't start picturising things immediately.
Just say it. Don't think too hard.
Bro, frankly speaking, I can tolerate
the intro, phantom and the abuses,
but I really hope they don't make me strip.
Once we went to a water
park for our school picnic.
I got over-enthusiastic
and took my t-shirt off.
Since then I've been teased by
everyone. They call me Mother Dairy.
Even flat-chested girls.
What's the harm
in taking your clothes off?
You'll not be the only one
without his clothes off.
But stop acting like a
cry baby all the time.
You'll attract undue attention
from the seniors without a reason.
If you stay with the pack,
then you'll be safe.
Bravo.
And on this note, here you go.
I've written down
15 bad words for you.
- Choose any 10.
- Thank you.
Sis...
Mother...
Grandmother...
Yuck! Who the hell
does that to women?
Huh, Amateurs!...
Happens every time.
Every year at least over a million
sit for engineering entrance exam.
But the competition is so tough...
...that only 30,000-40,000
students don't pass the test.
And the rest get into engineering.
There are plenty of engineering colleges.
And going with this heard mentality...
...my son had planned
to sit for the entrance.
And then I tried to explain this to..
..my son, Piyush. If you think
that after coming here...
...you'll become like
'Rancho' from '3 Idiots'.
You'll score a perfect
10 in end semesters.
Or might even become an entrepreneur.
But that's not the truth.
Once you get here
you'll spend your days...
...watching porn, GPL, hitting on
girls and cheating in exams.
If you're gonna end up following
your passion after B. Tech.,
then start smoking pot
and buy a DSLR camera.
I couldn't explain him beyond that,
because he agreed at once.
Now my Piyush is a
janitor by the day in hostel 2
and makes youtube reaction videos at night.
But not every student
is a visionary like my son.
His seat won't go to waste,
someone will be
allotted his seat...
The new scapegoat.
Open the door, now it's your turn.
Let's go in a group.
Only the tiger walks alone.
It's not a senior.
Seniors don't knock.
They just barge in.
Open the door.
Let's go together, please.
Hello, guys.
- This is the D top Wing, right?
- Yes.
Hi, Ankit Pandey.
Civil. 5502.
Why should I?
5500 bucks just for the name?
What's so special about your name?
- No, that's my rank. 5502.
- Oh, right.
I'm Rupesh Bhati.
Mechanical. 1537007
But these many didn't
even appear for the Mains.
That's not my rank.
That's the amount paid by my father
for my selection, with GST.
- Hi.
- Hi.
I am Chirag Bansal.
Computer Science.
Civil is great.
I desperately wanted to choose Civil,
but my father...
But then everyone knows about Civil.
What about it?
The students who opt for civil
in this college never get a job.
And which understanding father will
ever push his dear son...
...in the dark depths of unemployment.
Uncle was absolutely right.
No, but it's clearly mentioned
in the prospectus that...
They write utter nonsense
in the prospectus.
They even have pictures
of girls and boys together.
But did you see a single
chick on your way here?
Don't worry about the branch.
- You can change it.
- How's that even possible?
You need to be amongst
the top 1% for that.
Top 1%?
- You don't even know that?
- How could he know?
Poor guy missed his orientation.
Don't worry, I've made
notes of the entire orientation.
Go settle your luggage,
and I'll tell you more about it.
- Keep it where?
- In your room.
This boy is very slow.
Son. You should stay in Civil.
But I've been allotted this room.
But we're already staying here.
'I'm on my way'
'Yes I'm on my way'
Ma'am, I never said
that your son is lying.
When did I say that?
But Shubham and Nitesh
are sincere students.
They stay away from
ragging and such activities.
Look, if his classmates call him
"Dhilu-Dhilu" then that's not ragging.
What can I do about it?
I don't know. I thought that's what
they call him all the time.
I see...
So now you want me
to give you a reason...
...to send your son to the college.
Ma'am, your son is a professor.
Relax.
His job is to intimidate his students,
not get intimidated from them.
I'm fed up of this.
Such people should be ragged.
Sir, ragging is still illegal, right?
Of course. But only for the students.
The Administration is allowed.
And they will.
I am joking. Look at his face.
Your problem was room
allotment, right?
Yes, sir.
Does anyone know how to use Excel?
I usually wear double XL.
He's talking about Microsoft Excel.
Quiet.
Donation?
I can't see the rooms in this.
- Can I take a look, sir?
- Yes, please.
Here...
Sir, you hid the columns.
They must have gotten
hidden by themselves...
So room no. 69 is alloted to
Rupesh Bhati and Ankit Pandey.
- So you two are in 69.
- And Chirag Bansal?
68. The one next to it.
But that's where Jhant...
I mean that's Jatin Ji's room.
Jatin who?
You mean Jhantoo?
You're with Jhantoo.
Lucky boy, huh!
Sir, if I shift now, then
my ironed clothes will get wrinkled.
This is the laundry guy's card.
He's really good. He's an alumni
of this college, Civil Engineering.
Problem solved.
Sir, room no.
69 is like a home to me.
How can I sleep on
someone else' bed now?
So sweet, son.
Doesn't matter what you think,
but you'll stay where we tell you to.
But sir, he was right on time.
We've been staying together
for the last four days.
Please don't change my roommate.
Don't be so cruel.
It's just a matter of few days...
...and soon enough you'll be all over
each other's rooms.
And if you ever need to
go back to your own room...
...it'll just be for a couple of minutes.
Cool?
Go.
Sir, if that's the case,
then I'll shift.
I mean its only the next room, and if
we have to stay together for four years...
...then let's begin on a positive note.
- Perfect.
- Huh!
Final?
No-no-no-no..
It's not a room,
It's a public toilet.
That's great, Ankit's room has
an attached toilet as well.
No, I was on the
list. That's my room.
- I should go there.
- Don't say such things.
If you leave,
who will help me clear my exams?
Ankit will be your new roommate.
How will a Civil student help
someone from Mechanical with exams?
Anyway, it wasn't our fault,
he wanted to be a superhero.
Now let him suffer.
Rule no. 1.
In my absence,
people might come looking for me.
Police, peddler, recovery agent or some
curly haired chick carrying a baby.
You will never disclose to
anyone that I live here.
And as long as he doesn't get
selected, Rakhi will keep coming here.
So, get comfortable.
Living in that dirty room is far
better than living with this guilt.
That's not a room,
it's a bloody pan shop.
All the useless seniors come to buy
cigarettes from Jhantoo in the night.
They will all screw you.
- Do you want that?
- No.
If you want to stay awake after 2 am,
then do it at your own risk...
Little Jhantoo can
sneak out any time.
Rule no. 3,
I am a huge devotee of Lord Ganesha.
So if you cause harm to any of the rats
in this room, then you piece of shit...
...I'll hit you so hard,
that you'll die outside.
Bro, when it comes to property...
...whoever claims it first,
gets the ownership.
And in this case, it's you.
How can you forget 1947?
And I know how to assess a man?
Ankit will handle Jhantoo.
- Glory to...
- Lord Ganesha!
See.
I'm stuck. What do I do now?
You'll have to adjust.
Because the hostel manager
has taken his decision.
And, there's hardly
anything we can do about it.
Ankit, that room was
allotted to me.
So, if it's difficult
for you to adjust, then I...
...I will get you out of there.
Only I can do that.
Where is he taking us?
I thought he'll whoop Jhantoo's ass
and get him to clean the room.
Yeah, me too.
If only you had paid a bit more
attention at the orientation,
the hostel president had said 'if there's
any problem, you can come to me.'
'My door always open.'
See, its open.
Dean Sir himself
said Ravi Teja is a gem.
Dean Sir also mentioned
that Ravi Teja quit the seat at...
...IIT Mandi-Textile
branch and chose our college.
That show's our college's reputation.
- And Dean Sir also said that...
- I understand, Sir.
And just like Dean Sir,
even this hostel...
...looks forward to have
brlliant students like Ravi Teja.
But is there something
that's bothering you?
Yes. Heinous ragging.
Sir, our council strongly condemns ragging.
And there has never been any ragging...
...during my tenure,
nor will I ever let it happen.
But why did you take the trouble
to come here all the way, uncle?
You should have sent Ravi instead.
Who're you calling uncle?
I am Ravi Teja.
- You?
- Yes.
2001. Rank and birth year.
- Are you a fresher?
- Yes, yes, yes.
Everybody is asking
me the same question.
And Mr. President, you don't know
what's going on right under your nose.
Bloody second year students, rascals,
degenrates, morons...
They rag me all the time.
And every time in a new way.
Last night they came and they asked
me to strip in front of everybody...
...and they played Tic-Tac-Toe on my body.
That too in a wrong way.
I see.
It's okay. I'll look into it.
Do one thing, hold your ears.
What? You're the President.
Stand up and catch your ears.
Remove the chair and be a cock.
Right now.
If you don't respect
your seniors...
...then how will you make
the juniors respect you.
Huh?
Am I your nanny?
You come running to me
for every trivial thing.
Small rooms, inedible mess
food, snakes in the bathroom.
What rubbish?
This fucker wants
to be an engineer.
Sit.
If you have a problem,
then find a solution yourself.
Or else, adjust.
Millennials.
The entire new batch is pathetic.
Hey, douchebag? Does ragging
takes place in this hostel?
Nothing. What... What ragging?
Playing Tic-Tac-Toe is my favorite sport.
And also I love stripping
in front of strangers.
Dean Sir didn't praise me.
He doesn't even know my name.
I only don't know my name.
So what do you want now?
- Nothing...
- Nothing.
We were just taking a stroll around.
Ankit, this is our hostel president.
- Let's go. let's go.
- Hey!
You didn't see anything here?
Of course not, we didn't see anything here.
Let's make a move.
We haven't seen anything at all.
Open the damn thing. Let's go.
- Should I leave as well?
- Shut up.
The President also...
You let it be.
I asked him to save me from Jhantoo,
and the bugger took us to the President...
- ...and nothing happened there too.
- I'm telling you, bro.
Woah...
You've got another one in the group.
I was talking about them.
Let's give you a guided tour.
- Now?
- Let's go. Come on.
Sir, I'll give him a tour later.
This one's so shy.
You have a dick, even I do.
Nothing to be ashamed off.
I still have to get
that coyness out of you.
What's up, Tiger?
This college is like
me in more ways than one.
Both of us collect garbage from different
places and gather them in one place.
And then trucks pick up the garbage
and take it out of the campus.
You must be thinking that
I am being unfair to these boys...
...by calling them garbage.
But do you know something,
these creatures who
reside here are assholes
of the highest order.
Exactly my point.
Hey, can't you see that
it's a swimming pool?
Are you going to ride your bike on water?
Asshole.
Sorry, sir. Sorry, sir.
Come on.
Brother, we've got new guys with us.
Great.
Hey, you'll be the milkman.
And you'll be the cow.
And you'll be the bucket.
Okay? Come on, let's begin.
They will go inside.
- Inside?
- Yeah to the headquarters.
Great. Come on.
Move.
Let's go.
Come on. Hurry up. Hurry up.
Off you go.
What is this?
He's such a boring guy.
What the hell!
Lord of the idiots.
What did I tell you?
Just lift the pencil by the ass.
And you can't even do that.
Sir, sir. one more chance.
Sir, one last.
Last time I managed to stick it .
I will definitely get it right this time.
Get lost.
Son, where's the pencil's ass?
Think about it. Where can it be?
Trick question.
How did these people
manage to get selected? Dickheads.
Go stand in the corner
and be a lamp.
Asshole.
Hey, freshmate.
Beanbag, come and stand
right in the middle.
Come on, be a cock.
And mention the names of
top 10 chicks of your batch.
Sir, so far I've manage
to befriend only boys.
I thought i'll start approaching
girls from next week.
The new batch is so
pathetic, man.
Okay, go.
Hey smarty, start with your intro.
Hi, myself Ankit Pandey.
Woah...
'Myself.' English and all.
You asshole, It's been three
days, and you still
haven't managed to
give your intro properly.
Sir, It's not his fault.
It's his first day.
First day?
Then it should be his first night as well.
Guys, he's a virgin.
Let's call Reddy.
Three of them will
have their first night.
That too without a condom.
Take off your clothes.
All three of you!
- Come on.
- Take it off.
Lights off.
Did you feel any pain?
Oh! look at them, man.
Won't you feed milk to your beloved?
What happened?
Feeling scared?
Huh?
I don't bite.
I only claw.
Slowly, slowly.
But if you want, you can bite me.
Feel free.
Feel free.
Why are you guys talking so much?
Is this a love marriage?
Lie down with your husband.
Get ready to witness the
first kiss of the night.
Kiss! Kiss!
Kiss! Kiss! Kiss! Kiss! Kiss!
Kiss! Kiss!
Kiss! Kiss! Kiss! Kiss! Kiss!
Kiss! Kiss!
Kiss! Kiss! Kiss! Kiss! Kiss!
Kiss! Kiss!
Kiss! Kiss! Kiss! Kiss! Kiss!
Kiss! Kiss!
Kiss! Kiss! Kiss! Kiss! Kiss!
Kiss! Kiss!
Kiss! Kiss! Kiss! Kiss! Kiss!
Kiss! Kiss!
Kiss! Kiss! Kiss! Kiss! Kiss!
Surprise Grandmother Fuckers!
Jhantoo. Jhantoo.
Jhantoo. Jhantoo. Jhantoo.
I told you that Jhantoo
won't disappoint you.
- You should have bought some snacks.
- I did. Sir.
Everything has been arranged
for the fucking night.
Hey, brides.
Come on. Go and get snacks from my room.
First, let them get
done with their first night.
We can do that whenever we want.
I got selected after four years.
Till date I've only ragged others,
but I've never been ragged.
So I deserve the first night.
You should learn from him.
These are our values.
Are you waiting to get pregnant?
Sissies.
Come on.
Get all the snacks you find on my bed.
Hurry up.
Where are you headed?
We are going to fetch
snacks for the seniors.
Assholes!
They were shit scared, right?
Literally out of their wits.
It was nothing like that.
Nobody was scared.
And thank god, you
arrived on time, Jhantoo.
These guys wouldn't stop,
and those three wouldn't cry.
Fuckers!
Oh by the way,
who the hell mentioned kiss?
Who said it?
What if I had really kissed the boy?
That was the first kiss of my life.
You should've done it then.
That fatso must have turned you on.
Are you crazy?
Just because I'm from Mechanical,
should I go around kissing guys.
And let me tell you,
these guys wouldn't have
flinched even if I did
end up kissing them.
In fact, they would've
stuck their tongues in my mouth.
Yeah.
We've got a shameless batch this year.
Hey, wait.
Naked men should walk together.
I would suggest while returning we should
carry ice along with snacks.
They say a drunk man
cannot do anything...
...even if he is a pervert.
Are you crazy?
We're not going back again.
Thanks to Jhantoo that he saved us.
I was so wrong about that man.
Man? He's a God.
He saved my honor.
How will I repay this debt?
We'll figure that out in the morning.
Come.
I see. So bloody freshers
want to repay Jhantoo's favor.
- Yes.
- Great.
Yes. And so I want
to be your roommate.
I will become an ideal roommate.
Keep the room clean.
And also I'll run your business properly.
After all I am a trader by caste.
Brother, hold on.
I mean I was allotted this room, sir.
And he doesn't even know the rules.
I can handle the business as well.
And I can clean
rooms dirtier than this
within a couple of minutes.
I am from Kota, sir.
Forget these two, sir.
Take me.
Together we'll bond like men.
Fine, if you really want
to repay the favor then do so.
The three of you should put up in one room
and I'll manage with the other one.
Together? Won't it be crowded?
How will the three of
us adjust in two beds?
How did you adjust on
your first night, Fatso?
And the hostel manager
shouldn't know about this.
I've saved you once,
but the ragging is far from over.
No, he wouldn't have a clue.
The three of us will
live happily ever after.
- Yes, we just need your blessings.
- Come on.
- Assholes?
- Yes, sir?
I said you can't live in this room,
but I haven't stopped you from cleaning it.
Come on. Come on.
Come on, fat ass.
Come let's do some male-bonding.
'Surely, the juniors are exploited
in the beginning.'
But it won't be the same all the time.
These freshers will soon turn into
seniors, and they won't even realise it.
And next year, their juniors
will line up in front of them...
...and they will be
saying the same things.
'This year's batch is pathetic.'
'But that day is far away.'
'But right now they'll cry.'
'Because everybody cries in their childhood.'
'And college life is your second childhood.'
'Somethings will dazzle them.'
'Somethings will scare them.'
'Children have a very dramatic image
about colleges before they get here.'
'But real college is no where
close to Hirani's '3 idiots'...'
'...neither KJo's
Student of the Year...'
'...and nor like Anurag Kashyap's Gulaal.'
'College is like...'
something in between,
something... like this...
'But whatever it is, small or big,
good or bad, IIT or JNU,'
'college becomes an integral
part of student's life.'
'Because college may or
may not shape your career,'
but it'll leave you with several
memories, for sure.
to celebrate your internship?
- Didn't get the PPO bro.
- Oh!
All set?
Did you talk to your mother?
Are your rooms set?
Are you done with your food?
Shall we begin with
the interaction then?
Come on, let's begin.
My name is Rupesh Bhatia.
My roll number is 170037.
I have been selected for
the 4 year undergraduate
program of Mechanical Engineering.
My hobbies are exercising,
reacquiring illegally possessed plots...
...and finding a nice
bull to mate with my cow.
- All hail Hostel number 3!
- Hail!
The boy had shaped up
pretty well in just 3 days.
Great.
You have a bright future.
He'll be our first contender
in our "Hostel Abuse Tournament".
Mota Bheem.
How many abuses can
you hurl in a single breath?
Sir, I have asthma.
I'm not well versed with the cuss words.
I'll participate in some other activity.
Have you come to a fucking summer camp.
You asshole!
Is this 'The Neelam show?'
We need to get rid of the coyness inside you.
Listen, you have to invent 10 cuss
words overnight and learn them by-heart.
I am going to test you on that.
Yeah... and we'll also show him,
two girls, one cup.
On the Oculus.
Him? He will start crying.
- This entire batch is useless.
- No sir.
We have three girls Mechanical this year.
- Three?
- Yes.
You have the list?
I do.
But haven't shortlisted yet.
- We'll do it together.
- Yes.
Come.
I will go keep my
stuff in the cupboard first.
Because if Reddy gets
to the cupboard first...
Get lost.
Thanks for understanding.
Reddy's train is delayed.
He's arriving in the evening.
Meet me at the canteen
once you are settled.
Mr. Jatin. Correction... Correction.
Jhantoo Ji, if you don't mind,
may I ask you a question?
- 8 inches, without pills.
- What?
No, I mean how could you rag...
Correction..Correction. Intro.
I mean how can you take our intro...?
...because you're a fresher too.
Who are you calling a fresher, asshole?
I've been chilling in these corridors
even before the first landing on mars...
...and Ranveer started
going around with Deepika.
Understand? Ask him.
Tell him.
Brother Jhantoo sat for his first entrance
test in 2014 with his friends.
His friends cracked the entrance,
but Jhantoo became a part of the college.
Not as a student,
but a squatter in the hostel.
And thanks to the money earned...
...by selling booze,
smokes, friends' mess cards,...
... seven 7 fake ID cards and
staying in this hostel all the while...
...he cracked this entrance
exam in just four years.
And by achieving this feat
he has made our village Jhabua proud...
...and also became an
inspiration for many youngsters.
19576, Agricultural Engineering.
My name is Jatin, but
people call me Jhantoo out of respect.
Jhantoo, you motherfucker!
where the hell are you?
Coming.
Respect.
How dare he call me Mota Bheem.
Bloody Teletubby. Now you wait and watch.
Hey, Jaat.
When the Dean asks who ragged
you, then what am I going to say?
I don't even remember their names.
But don't worry,
it won't get to that.
Of course, it will.
Just wait,
Dean will take strict action...
...as soon as he finds
out about the complaint.
He clearly mentioned during the
orientation that we were like his own kids.
After giving birth to a child,
even the doctor smacks them on their ass.
Nobody's life begins without crying.
You're a fool, if you
think ragging is cool.
Didn't you see the poster?
You are scared because of these posters.
What did they exactly do to you?
They only made you say asshole and faggot.
At the most, they will make
you utter bastard or dickhead.
Jaat, please don't use bad words.
Alright. if I say it,
those become bad words.
And when Virat Kohli
abuses on the pitch...
...then he's cool,
aggressive and passionate.
Son, the problem is not with the words,
it's the thought behind it.
Tell me something.
What does your mother
wear under her petticoat?
Rupesh. How dare you talk about...
Slippers. She wears slippers.
Don't start picturising things immediately.
Just say it. Don't think too hard.
Bro, frankly speaking, I can tolerate
the intro, phantom and the abuses,
but I really hope they don't make me strip.
Once we went to a water
park for our school picnic.
I got over-enthusiastic
and took my t-shirt off.
Since then I've been teased by
everyone. They call me Mother Dairy.
Even flat-chested girls.
What's the harm
in taking your clothes off?
You'll not be the only one
without his clothes off.
But stop acting like a
cry baby all the time.
You'll attract undue attention
from the seniors without a reason.
If you stay with the pack,
then you'll be safe.
Bravo.
And on this note, here you go.
I've written down
15 bad words for you.
- Choose any 10.
- Thank you.
Sis...
Mother...
Grandmother...
Yuck! Who the hell
does that to women?
Huh, Amateurs!...
Happens every time.
Every year at least over a million
sit for engineering entrance exam.
But the competition is so tough...
...that only 30,000-40,000
students don't pass the test.
And the rest get into engineering.
There are plenty of engineering colleges.
And going with this heard mentality...
...my son had planned
to sit for the entrance.
And then I tried to explain this to..
..my son, Piyush. If you think
that after coming here...
...you'll become like
'Rancho' from '3 Idiots'.
You'll score a perfect
10 in end semesters.
Or might even become an entrepreneur.
But that's not the truth.
Once you get here
you'll spend your days...
...watching porn, GPL, hitting on
girls and cheating in exams.
If you're gonna end up following
your passion after B. Tech.,
then start smoking pot
and buy a DSLR camera.
I couldn't explain him beyond that,
because he agreed at once.
Now my Piyush is a
janitor by the day in hostel 2
and makes youtube reaction videos at night.
But not every student
is a visionary like my son.
His seat won't go to waste,
someone will be
allotted his seat...
The new scapegoat.
Open the door, now it's your turn.
Let's go in a group.
Only the tiger walks alone.
It's not a senior.
Seniors don't knock.
They just barge in.
Open the door.
Let's go together, please.
Hello, guys.
- This is the D top Wing, right?
- Yes.
Hi, Ankit Pandey.
Civil. 5502.
Why should I?
5500 bucks just for the name?
What's so special about your name?
- No, that's my rank. 5502.
- Oh, right.
I'm Rupesh Bhati.
Mechanical. 1537007
But these many didn't
even appear for the Mains.
That's not my rank.
That's the amount paid by my father
for my selection, with GST.
- Hi.
- Hi.
I am Chirag Bansal.
Computer Science.
Civil is great.
I desperately wanted to choose Civil,
but my father...
But then everyone knows about Civil.
What about it?
The students who opt for civil
in this college never get a job.
And which understanding father will
ever push his dear son...
...in the dark depths of unemployment.
Uncle was absolutely right.
No, but it's clearly mentioned
in the prospectus that...
They write utter nonsense
in the prospectus.
They even have pictures
of girls and boys together.
But did you see a single
chick on your way here?
Don't worry about the branch.
- You can change it.
- How's that even possible?
You need to be amongst
the top 1% for that.
Top 1%?
- You don't even know that?
- How could he know?
Poor guy missed his orientation.
Don't worry, I've made
notes of the entire orientation.
Go settle your luggage,
and I'll tell you more about it.
- Keep it where?
- In your room.
This boy is very slow.
Son. You should stay in Civil.
But I've been allotted this room.
But we're already staying here.
'I'm on my way'
'Yes I'm on my way'
Ma'am, I never said
that your son is lying.
When did I say that?
But Shubham and Nitesh
are sincere students.
They stay away from
ragging and such activities.
Look, if his classmates call him
"Dhilu-Dhilu" then that's not ragging.
What can I do about it?
I don't know. I thought that's what
they call him all the time.
I see...
So now you want me
to give you a reason...
...to send your son to the college.
Ma'am, your son is a professor.
Relax.
His job is to intimidate his students,
not get intimidated from them.
I'm fed up of this.
Such people should be ragged.
Sir, ragging is still illegal, right?
Of course. But only for the students.
The Administration is allowed.
And they will.
I am joking. Look at his face.
Your problem was room
allotment, right?
Yes, sir.
Does anyone know how to use Excel?
I usually wear double XL.
He's talking about Microsoft Excel.
Quiet.
Donation?
I can't see the rooms in this.
- Can I take a look, sir?
- Yes, please.
Here...
Sir, you hid the columns.
They must have gotten
hidden by themselves...
So room no. 69 is alloted to
Rupesh Bhati and Ankit Pandey.
- So you two are in 69.
- And Chirag Bansal?
68. The one next to it.
But that's where Jhant...
I mean that's Jatin Ji's room.
Jatin who?
You mean Jhantoo?
You're with Jhantoo.
Lucky boy, huh!
Sir, if I shift now, then
my ironed clothes will get wrinkled.
This is the laundry guy's card.
He's really good. He's an alumni
of this college, Civil Engineering.
Problem solved.
Sir, room no.
69 is like a home to me.
How can I sleep on
someone else' bed now?
So sweet, son.
Doesn't matter what you think,
but you'll stay where we tell you to.
But sir, he was right on time.
We've been staying together
for the last four days.
Please don't change my roommate.
Don't be so cruel.
It's just a matter of few days...
...and soon enough you'll be all over
each other's rooms.
And if you ever need to
go back to your own room...
...it'll just be for a couple of minutes.
Cool?
Go.
Sir, if that's the case,
then I'll shift.
I mean its only the next room, and if
we have to stay together for four years...
...then let's begin on a positive note.
- Perfect.
- Huh!
Final?
No-no-no-no..
It's not a room,
It's a public toilet.
That's great, Ankit's room has
an attached toilet as well.
No, I was on the
list. That's my room.
- I should go there.
- Don't say such things.
If you leave,
who will help me clear my exams?
Ankit will be your new roommate.
How will a Civil student help
someone from Mechanical with exams?
Anyway, it wasn't our fault,
he wanted to be a superhero.
Now let him suffer.
Rule no. 1.
In my absence,
people might come looking for me.
Police, peddler, recovery agent or some
curly haired chick carrying a baby.
You will never disclose to
anyone that I live here.
And as long as he doesn't get
selected, Rakhi will keep coming here.
So, get comfortable.
Living in that dirty room is far
better than living with this guilt.
That's not a room,
it's a bloody pan shop.
All the useless seniors come to buy
cigarettes from Jhantoo in the night.
They will all screw you.
- Do you want that?
- No.
If you want to stay awake after 2 am,
then do it at your own risk...
Little Jhantoo can
sneak out any time.
Rule no. 3,
I am a huge devotee of Lord Ganesha.
So if you cause harm to any of the rats
in this room, then you piece of shit...
...I'll hit you so hard,
that you'll die outside.
Bro, when it comes to property...
...whoever claims it first,
gets the ownership.
And in this case, it's you.
How can you forget 1947?
And I know how to assess a man?
Ankit will handle Jhantoo.
- Glory to...
- Lord Ganesha!
See.
I'm stuck. What do I do now?
You'll have to adjust.
Because the hostel manager
has taken his decision.
And, there's hardly
anything we can do about it.
Ankit, that room was
allotted to me.
So, if it's difficult
for you to adjust, then I...
...I will get you out of there.
Only I can do that.
Where is he taking us?
I thought he'll whoop Jhantoo's ass
and get him to clean the room.
Yeah, me too.
If only you had paid a bit more
attention at the orientation,
the hostel president had said 'if there's
any problem, you can come to me.'
'My door always open.'
See, its open.
Dean Sir himself
said Ravi Teja is a gem.
Dean Sir also mentioned
that Ravi Teja quit the seat at...
...IIT Mandi-Textile
branch and chose our college.
That show's our college's reputation.
- And Dean Sir also said that...
- I understand, Sir.
And just like Dean Sir,
even this hostel...
...looks forward to have
brlliant students like Ravi Teja.
But is there something
that's bothering you?
Yes. Heinous ragging.
Sir, our council strongly condemns ragging.
And there has never been any ragging...
...during my tenure,
nor will I ever let it happen.
But why did you take the trouble
to come here all the way, uncle?
You should have sent Ravi instead.
Who're you calling uncle?
I am Ravi Teja.
- You?
- Yes.
2001. Rank and birth year.
- Are you a fresher?
- Yes, yes, yes.
Everybody is asking
me the same question.
And Mr. President, you don't know
what's going on right under your nose.
Bloody second year students, rascals,
degenrates, morons...
They rag me all the time.
And every time in a new way.
Last night they came and they asked
me to strip in front of everybody...
...and they played Tic-Tac-Toe on my body.
That too in a wrong way.
I see.
It's okay. I'll look into it.
Do one thing, hold your ears.
What? You're the President.
Stand up and catch your ears.
Remove the chair and be a cock.
Right now.
If you don't respect
your seniors...
...then how will you make
the juniors respect you.
Huh?
Am I your nanny?
You come running to me
for every trivial thing.
Small rooms, inedible mess
food, snakes in the bathroom.
What rubbish?
This fucker wants
to be an engineer.
Sit.
If you have a problem,
then find a solution yourself.
Or else, adjust.
Millennials.
The entire new batch is pathetic.
Hey, douchebag? Does ragging
takes place in this hostel?
Nothing. What... What ragging?
Playing Tic-Tac-Toe is my favorite sport.
And also I love stripping
in front of strangers.
Dean Sir didn't praise me.
He doesn't even know my name.
I only don't know my name.
So what do you want now?
- Nothing...
- Nothing.
We were just taking a stroll around.
Ankit, this is our hostel president.
- Let's go. let's go.
- Hey!
You didn't see anything here?
Of course not, we didn't see anything here.
Let's make a move.
We haven't seen anything at all.
Open the damn thing. Let's go.
- Should I leave as well?
- Shut up.
The President also...
You let it be.
I asked him to save me from Jhantoo,
and the bugger took us to the President...
- ...and nothing happened there too.
- I'm telling you, bro.
Woah...
You've got another one in the group.
I was talking about them.
Let's give you a guided tour.
- Now?
- Let's go. Come on.
Sir, I'll give him a tour later.
This one's so shy.
You have a dick, even I do.
Nothing to be ashamed off.
I still have to get
that coyness out of you.
What's up, Tiger?
This college is like
me in more ways than one.
Both of us collect garbage from different
places and gather them in one place.
And then trucks pick up the garbage
and take it out of the campus.
You must be thinking that
I am being unfair to these boys...
...by calling them garbage.
But do you know something,
these creatures who
reside here are assholes
of the highest order.
Exactly my point.
Hey, can't you see that
it's a swimming pool?
Are you going to ride your bike on water?
Asshole.
Sorry, sir. Sorry, sir.
Come on.
Brother, we've got new guys with us.
Great.
Hey, you'll be the milkman.
And you'll be the cow.
And you'll be the bucket.
Okay? Come on, let's begin.
They will go inside.
- Inside?
- Yeah to the headquarters.
Great. Come on.
Move.
Let's go.
Come on. Hurry up. Hurry up.
Off you go.
What is this?
He's such a boring guy.
What the hell!
Lord of the idiots.
What did I tell you?
Just lift the pencil by the ass.
And you can't even do that.
Sir, sir. one more chance.
Sir, one last.
Last time I managed to stick it .
I will definitely get it right this time.
Get lost.
Son, where's the pencil's ass?
Think about it. Where can it be?
Trick question.
How did these people
manage to get selected? Dickheads.
Go stand in the corner
and be a lamp.
Asshole.
Hey, freshmate.
Beanbag, come and stand
right in the middle.
Come on, be a cock.
And mention the names of
top 10 chicks of your batch.
Sir, so far I've manage
to befriend only boys.
I thought i'll start approaching
girls from next week.
The new batch is so
pathetic, man.
Okay, go.
Hey smarty, start with your intro.
Hi, myself Ankit Pandey.
Woah...
'Myself.' English and all.
You asshole, It's been three
days, and you still
haven't managed to
give your intro properly.
Sir, It's not his fault.
It's his first day.
First day?
Then it should be his first night as well.
Guys, he's a virgin.
Let's call Reddy.
Three of them will
have their first night.
That too without a condom.
Take off your clothes.
All three of you!
- Come on.
- Take it off.
Lights off.
Did you feel any pain?
Oh! look at them, man.
Won't you feed milk to your beloved?
What happened?
Feeling scared?
Huh?
I don't bite.
I only claw.
Slowly, slowly.
But if you want, you can bite me.
Feel free.
Feel free.
Why are you guys talking so much?
Is this a love marriage?
Lie down with your husband.
Get ready to witness the
first kiss of the night.
Kiss! Kiss!
Kiss! Kiss! Kiss! Kiss! Kiss!
Kiss! Kiss!
Kiss! Kiss! Kiss! Kiss! Kiss!
Kiss! Kiss!
Kiss! Kiss! Kiss! Kiss! Kiss!
Kiss! Kiss!
Kiss! Kiss! Kiss! Kiss! Kiss!
Kiss! Kiss!
Kiss! Kiss! Kiss! Kiss! Kiss!
Kiss! Kiss!
Kiss! Kiss! Kiss! Kiss! Kiss!
Kiss! Kiss!
Kiss! Kiss! Kiss! Kiss! Kiss!
Surprise Grandmother Fuckers!
Jhantoo. Jhantoo.
Jhantoo. Jhantoo. Jhantoo.
I told you that Jhantoo
won't disappoint you.
- You should have bought some snacks.
- I did. Sir.
Everything has been arranged
for the fucking night.
Hey, brides.
Come on. Go and get snacks from my room.
First, let them get
done with their first night.
We can do that whenever we want.
I got selected after four years.
Till date I've only ragged others,
but I've never been ragged.
So I deserve the first night.
You should learn from him.
These are our values.
Are you waiting to get pregnant?
Sissies.
Come on.
Get all the snacks you find on my bed.
Hurry up.
Where are you headed?
We are going to fetch
snacks for the seniors.
Assholes!
They were shit scared, right?
Literally out of their wits.
It was nothing like that.
Nobody was scared.
And thank god, you
arrived on time, Jhantoo.
These guys wouldn't stop,
and those three wouldn't cry.
Fuckers!
Oh by the way,
who the hell mentioned kiss?
Who said it?
What if I had really kissed the boy?
That was the first kiss of my life.
You should've done it then.
That fatso must have turned you on.
Are you crazy?
Just because I'm from Mechanical,
should I go around kissing guys.
And let me tell you,
these guys wouldn't have
flinched even if I did
end up kissing them.
In fact, they would've
stuck their tongues in my mouth.
Yeah.
We've got a shameless batch this year.
Hey, wait.
Naked men should walk together.
I would suggest while returning we should
carry ice along with snacks.
They say a drunk man
cannot do anything...
...even if he is a pervert.
Are you crazy?
We're not going back again.
Thanks to Jhantoo that he saved us.
I was so wrong about that man.
Man? He's a God.
He saved my honor.
How will I repay this debt?
We'll figure that out in the morning.
Come.
I see. So bloody freshers
want to repay Jhantoo's favor.
- Yes.
- Great.
Yes. And so I want
to be your roommate.
I will become an ideal roommate.
Keep the room clean.
And also I'll run your business properly.
After all I am a trader by caste.
Brother, hold on.
I mean I was allotted this room, sir.
And he doesn't even know the rules.
I can handle the business as well.
And I can clean
rooms dirtier than this
within a couple of minutes.
I am from Kota, sir.
Forget these two, sir.
Take me.
Together we'll bond like men.
Fine, if you really want
to repay the favor then do so.
The three of you should put up in one room
and I'll manage with the other one.
Together? Won't it be crowded?
How will the three of
us adjust in two beds?
How did you adjust on
your first night, Fatso?
And the hostel manager
shouldn't know about this.
I've saved you once,
but the ragging is far from over.
No, he wouldn't have a clue.
The three of us will
live happily ever after.
- Yes, we just need your blessings.
- Come on.
- Assholes?
- Yes, sir?
I said you can't live in this room,
but I haven't stopped you from cleaning it.
Come on. Come on.
Come on, fat ass.
Come let's do some male-bonding.
'Surely, the juniors are exploited
in the beginning.'
But it won't be the same all the time.
These freshers will soon turn into
seniors, and they won't even realise it.
And next year, their juniors
will line up in front of them...
...and they will be
saying the same things.
'This year's batch is pathetic.'
'But that day is far away.'
'But right now they'll cry.'
'Because everybody cries in their childhood.'
'And college life is your second childhood.'
'Somethings will dazzle them.'
'Somethings will scare them.'
'Children have a very dramatic image
about colleges before they get here.'
'But real college is no where
close to Hirani's '3 idiots'...'
'...neither KJo's
Student of the Year...'
'...and nor like Anurag Kashyap's Gulaal.'
'College is like...'
something in between,
something... like this...
'But whatever it is, small or big,
good or bad, IIT or JNU,'
'college becomes an integral
part of student's life.'
'Because college may or
may not shape your career,'
but it'll leave you with several
memories, for sure.