Homicide: Life on the Street (1993–1999): Season 4, Episode 21 - The Wedding - full transcript

'Hey, listeners! Drive
time. How you doing?

'Know what I'm sick of?
People! I'm sick of people.

'Every night when I
ride home, people!

'I look around, all I see
is people, people, people.

'You fat people,
you thin people,

'rich people, poor people,
smart people, stupid people.

'Stupid people!

'Everyone's pushing
and poking and prodding,

'and crowding and in the way.

'What's my solution?
I'll tell you my solution.

'Arbitrary death sentence.



'One out of every five people

'should be shot on
their 20th birthday.

'That's right, shot.
A death lottery -

'the winner checks out, gives
the rest of us room to breathe.

'Write to your Congressman,
OK? 'It's time for me to sign off.

'This is Kevin Lugo,
WJHU Radio, Baltimore.

'Good night.'

- Good mornin'.
- Maybe.

Maybe?

Maybe it'll be a good
morning, maybe it won't.

You know what your problem
is? You are afraid to commit.

I am committed to commitment.

I commit to the idea that
it's gonna be a good morning.

Well, bully for you.



- I look different?
- Different?

Yeah, you know, just different.

- No.
- No?

I mean, I feel flushed.

I'm not a blusher per se, but...

Meldrick, you're babbling.
What's the matter?

Nothing is the matter.

I'm gettin' married today.

You OK?

- Yeah, never better.
- You sure?

- I'm sure.
- You look like hell.

Must have been
somethin' I ate. Urgh.

Must have been the
damn clams at Dora's.

I'm never gonna eat there again.

That's where you
proposed? Dora's?

Yeah, that's where I proposed.

- You're not serious.
- I'm serious as a heart attack.

You're really gonna get married?

Yeah.

I'm really gonna get married.

- When?
- Tonight.

How?

I called up the Right Reverend
Hartley of the Universal Life Church.

He said, "I'll take
care of everything."

Meldrick, usually
when you get married,

you get married to someone.

Usually, though not always,
someone of the female persuasion.

Since she does not exist,
you cannot get married.

- Of course she exists.
- If she exists, she has a name.

- Barbara.
- Well, Barbara what?

Huh?

- Shivers.
- Shivers?

- You're marrying a Barbara Shivers?
- You got a problem with that?

Until this very moment, I'd
never heard of Barbara Shivers,

and now you're gonna marry her?

So I need your permission?

I would have appreciated a warning,
a clue, a nudge, a wink - something.

I am your partner. Partners
share their deepest secrets.

So my wedding is
about your feelings, is it?

What kind of name is Shivers?
"Oh, Meldrick, shiver me timbers!"

Where did you meet
her? In some strip joint?

OK, I'm cool. I'm all right.

Barbara is a saint, OK?

Say a bad word about
her, I will rip your tongue.

I'm cool.

- OK.
- That's all. Remember that.

We have a body in Mount
Washington. Who wants to go?

- Frank and I will go.
- Can you take care of the flowers?

- Flowers?
- Yeah.

Megan and I'll go out.

I was hopin' you'd pitch in
with the food for the reception.

- Reception?
- Yeah, at the Belvedere.

I got the room, a band.

Time is runnin' short, so I'm
askin' everybody to pitch in.

Details.

- What are you talkin' about?
- He's gettin' married.

Yeah. Uh-huh. Today
when the shift ends.

First you make me late by
takin' the longest shower,

and now what am I
gonna do with you?

I didn't fly 4,500 miles
to sit at your place.

- Why don't you go visit Dad?
- I want to visit you.

- Carrie, I...
- Kay, there you are.

Gee, sorry I'm late.

This is my sister, Carrie. She's
visiting from Florence, Italy.

- Benvenuta nel nostro umile paese.
- Grazie. Bellissimo italiano.

- Thank you.
- What's that dialect? Sicilian?

I have never heard an American

who can speak with
such a beautiful accent.

What was it you wanted?

Well, there's a shooting
in Mount Washington.

- You're goin' on a case?
- I'll explain in the car.

Very nice to meet
you. Arrivederci.

Ooh, ciao.

- What about my sister?
- I'll come!

No!

Howard presto! Affrettati!

That means, "Howard,
move your ass."

Look, my desk is
just inside this door.

- Sit there. Don't do anything.
- Got it.

Kay!

- Ciao.
- Ciao.

Ciao.

Frank, you and Bayliss
are in charge of flowers.

- Spot me. I'm good for it.
- What kind of flowers?

White flowers.

- Lilies.
- Oh, er... Right.

Megan, you and Munch
call up the Belvedere Hotel.

Talk to a Thomas
Wright. He's my point man.

You think you could front
me for the booze and food?

What's funny?

- You want me to front you?
- Just until my next paycheck.

Now I'm an investor in your
marriage? Don't screw this up.

Think how good it's
gonna be for your karma.

Who's seen Brodie?

I'm gonna film the whole
thing, lock, stock and barrel.

Where's Brodie?

- He's in his hole.
- OK.

Remember, The
Belvedere, five o'clock sharp.

- OK. Sure.
- OK, that's... That does it.

Now... I just wanna say

that this is gonna be the
biggest moment of my life.

When I'm layin' there
on my deathbed, dyin',

I want to remember this moment.

I'm grateful y'all
gonna be part of it.

- Yeah, right. It's a joke!
- Yeah, it's a joke.

He threw up. That wasn't a joke.

I'll call and see if this
Thomas Wright exists.

Who's she?

I don't know.

Er... hi.

Hi.

- Who are you?
- Carrie.

- Kay's sister from Florence.
- Oh.

She told me to sit
here, and not do a thing.

Hi.

I spoke with Thomas Wright
from the Belvedere Hotel,

and he confirms that Meldrick
did reserve the Rose Room

for a wedding reception tonight.

- Has he paid for it?
- Cash.

Yeah, Mr Wright is in on it. I
tell you, we're being set up.

- Meldrick's gettin' married?
- That's what he says.

- Meldrick? No!
- Why is that a joke?

Oh, can you imagine
Meldrick married? Please!

- No, I can't.
- Well, there you go.

He says it's tonight. What's
the big rush, you know.

If this is joke, I'll bust
him down to a traffic cop.

Oh, my sister's insane.

She seems very
pleasant to me. Perceptive.

Trust me, she's nuts.

How crazy can she
be living in Florence?

The Arno flowing
past the ancient piazzi,

the Uffizi, with its Botticellis
and Leonardos, huh?

- You ever been there, Gee?
- No.

The body's here, Lieutenant.

Still had his wallet on
him. Name's Kevin Lugo.

- Kevin Lugo, the radio guy?
- I don't know.

He had a $100.
This wasn't a robbery.

A commuter found
him half an hour ago.

We got him in the
back of the squad car.

- What have you got, Scheiner?
- Male, Caucasian, shot six times.

Looks like a 9mm hole to me.

But what do I know? I'm just
an ageing medical examiner.

How long do you
think he's been dead?

I'm guessin' at least eight
hours. Not more than 24.

- What have you got?
- It's a 9mm. Shell casings all over.

Kevin Lugo, damn.

I liked his radio show.

He's been drinking.

At 8:00am? Where does he work?

Downtown, for the city.
Highway Department.

- What's his name?
- Clarence Kerr.

- Mr Kerr?
- That's me.

I'm Al Giardello,
Baltimore Police Homicide.

- When did you find the body?
- Time is a little bit tricky for me.

- This morning, around eight.
- Tell me what you saw.

Parked my car. Got out.

Noticed that other car.

Noticed the newspaper.

Bent down to pick up the
newspaper, thought it might be today's -

and I saw him lyin' there.

- Didn't see anything or anyone else?
- Hmm... nope.

You gonna arrest
me for drunk driving?

- Yes, sir.
- Any good if I said I was at a wake?

- No, sir.
- My old buddy, R C Gilbert.

Last thing I remember, he was
interceptin' a Towson High pass,

gliding 60 yards
downfield for a touchdown.

- Moved like a deer.
- And now he's dead. Heart attack.

He was 46.

You know, you're
really frightening.

- So how's Florence?
- Nice.

Yeah, you know, I can
just picture that. Nice.

- What do you do there?
- I have a shop.

We make sandals.

Oh, really? I love
sandals. All those little toes.

They don't have any
lilies! Tim? Tim? Tim?

- Tim! Tim! Tim?
- What? What?

Will you please hit the phones
and help me find some damn lilies?

I'm on it, Frank.

I'll be right back.
You stay right here.

I'll be here. I'm
under strict orders.

Get those lilies.

So, er... Tell me
about those sandals.

Everything cool?

Show up a little before five. The
Belvedere Hotel reception follows.

- Where's this takin' place?
- The Belvedere Hotel.

That's exactly right. Think
big here. Think Technicolor.

- I'm talkin' cinemascope.
- Epic.

- Good thinking.
- I won't let you down.

I know you won't. I have
to go see my fiancée.

Sounds good. How
much for that? How much?

For 17 measly, scrawny
chickens? Oh, come on!

- No, forget it Mr Wright!
- I just talked to Lewis.

He wants me to shoot the
"Ben-Hur" of wedding videos.

- This is a joke.
- You think it's a joke?

Well, the guy's a jokester.
That's the kind of guy he is.

- It's a joke.
- He's got Giardello on a case.

He's not gonna go that
far. That would be nuts.

- That would be suicide.
- Who is that?

Oh, that's Kay's
sister from Florence.

You're prettier.

It was a long walk
down that dark alley,

past broken dreams
and washed-out souls,

moaning in the night
like drunken banshees.

Suddenly, a shot rang out.

I ran into the shadows,
I ran from death.

- I ducked into the doorway...
- Mr Lucas?

I'm Sergeant Howard.
This is Lieutenant Giardello.

We called you about Kevin Lugo.

I can't listen to this any more.

- So who killed Lugo?
- We don't know yet.

- What can you tell us?
- He was a jerk.

But he was the best talk
guy I had - good ratings.

Wife? He gave up
trying after number four.

Family?

They live in Hawaii.
Honolulu, I think.

- Enemies?
- Half the city of Baltimore!

Kevin liked to spice up
his opinions with opinions.

Who are those people
protesting outside the office?

Kevin felt abortion should
not only be a woman's right,

but an obligation of
all prospective mothers

with an IQ of less than a 100.

- He said that on the radio?
- Repeatedly.

I thought it was
real interesting stuff.

Did I mention he
got good ratings?

This, however, will
not get good ratings.

This will suck us
down the toilet.

- Thanks for your time.
- Wait a minute.

Did I mention the station
is offerin' a $5,000 reward

for information leading to the
arrest of the martyr who killed Kevin?

All you'll get are cranks
lookin' to buy a new car.

It's a done deal. We
broadcasted it on the news.

- I'll be in trouble.
- Why?

Kay told me to sit at her desk.

A visit to the coffee
room is allowed.

- You don't know my sister.
- I know her.

- She's tough.
- She is.

She thinks if she turns her back,
that chaos will overwhelm the world.

When she flies, she
doesn't like to talk.

- Why?
- She has to help the pilot.

- Can I ask you something?
- Sure.

A guy proposes to a
woman over clams, right?

Now, she says, yes. He says,
"How about we do it tomorrow night?"

She says, "Yes." He says "Who
needs a minister, priest or a rabbi?

"Let's get us some
mail-order screwball."

She says, "Fine." Does
this sound plausible?

- It sounds romantic.
- Romantic?

A girl loves to be
swept off her feet.

Kellerman? Kellerman.

You got a call, line two.

Oh. I'll be right back.

- Hello again.
- Hi.

So... What kind of sandals?

Hello.

I heard Kevin Lugo ate a bullet.

Kevin Lugo, radio personality,
shot close range, no witnesses.

Hello? Hello?

He could've been
the next Lenny Bruce.

He only had a zillion enemies on
account of his delightful opinions.

My first job as a
foot soldier in years,

and it's a
"stone-cold whodunit".

- Where's my sister?
- Kellerman.

- Yeah.
- Is Lewis serious about marriage?

Good question. I don't have a
clue, except I don't trust the bastard.

Anyone seen my sister? She
was supposed to be sittin' here.

- She's in the coffee room.
- Thank you.

I want to talk to Lewis.
Kellerman, find him.

- But Gee...
- Find him now!

Kay, check our
anti-abortion files

and see if we can get lucky
and find a sociopath among them.

- My sister's on the loose.
- She'll be fine. I wanna close this case.

Right.

Lilies of the valley,
lilies of the field.

What am I doing grazing
greenhouses and spending my money,

even though Lewis
says I'm frontin' for him?

Is Lewis playing us for laughs?

I think we'll all show up in six
hours at the Belvedere Hotel,

and Lewis will be there
with a big grin and no bride.

Mr Wright, Megan Russert again.

Yeah, listen. We'll take
those chicken dinners, OK?

Yes, 17. Now
let's talk tiramisu.

- Hey.
- Hey.

- What are you doin'?
- Thinkin'.

Gee wants to know if
this wedding is a hoax.

Why does he think that?

Meldrick, come on. Look
at me. Look me in the eye.

- Tell me this is not a joke.
- It's not.

Do you swear on your
mother's grave this isn't a joke?

My mama ain't dead, but I
swear on everythin' I hold holy.

If you lie, God will strike you
with lightning and you will die.

- Why don't you believe me?
- It's ridiculous!

- What is?
- This whole thing.

Who's this Barbara Shivers?
Where did you meet her?

Fell's Point Festival,
at the taco stand.

- That was seven months ago.
- Are you a cop, Kellermeister?

Seven months, and you
never bothered to tell me?

I didn't want to jinx it. I didn't
mean to hurt your feelings.

- You gonna be my best man?
- I don't believe you.

Here's the ring. Hmm?

Belvedere Hotel,
five o'clock sharp.

I have a date with matrimony.

Palmer, Washington, Alexandria.

We got more anti-abortion
groups here than gas stations.

Any killers among
the principal few?

Unpaid speeding tickets, unlawful
assembly are the worst of it.

Maybe I missed something on
the crime scene I didn't notice.

Maybe something in the
medical examiner's report.

Hey, now, wait a second.

I was at the crime scene,
too. I read the ME's report.

- Are you sayin' I lost my touch?
- Oh, no, no.

It's just that my
mind is like a train.

It can't get going.
It stops and starts...

Kay, Gee.

I am gettin' married tonight, at
five o'clock, in the Belvedere Hotel.

I hope that you and my other
associates will be able to attend.

This is not a joke. I am happier
now than I have ever been.

The misery I share with
other slobs in this building

is about to come to an end,

because I have found the smartest,
sexiest, most wonderful woman,

and I intend to hold onto her.

With your kind permission, I
would like to prepare for the nuptials.

- Oh, permission granted.
- I hope you will be able to attend.

We'll do our best.

Thank you for coverin'
for me during my time.

Gee.

- Meet Simon Jackson.
- What's up?

- Mr Jackson has a tale to tell.
- About the Lugo case?

I got calls from people sayin'
they wish they'd shot Kevin.

- I know who offed the guy.
- Who?

- Raymond Desassy.
- Who is he?

He's a lowlife, like me.

Good money was to be made
takin' Lugo out. Raymond volunteered.

- You know that how?
- He told me.

- Who was offerin' this good money?
- That I don't know.

So this Raymond told you
he was gonna kill Lugo?

- Right. Do I get the reward?
- Read the fine print.

- The key word is conviction.
- Wait! You'll get your conviction.

This is where you
can find Raymond.

And this is my address,
and my phone number.

I'll be waitin' for a cheque.

I've been fascinated by
the risks you guys take.

You go all the way out
there. You stare into the abyss.

It's... That's impressive.

I do have a sneaky suspicion that
you, Tim, are better at that than Mike.

- Yeah, that's true. I am.
- You're not.

I've stared into the abyss.

Oh, well, Mike, you are probably
quicker to intuit the truth than Tim.

- You have a sexy brain.
- That's a good point.

A sexy brain? Him?

Let me ask you a question.
What motivates you?

- Why do you get up in the mornin'?
- I'm usually late for work.

- I get hungry.
- See?

You guys do something really
important, really dangerous.

Yet you can laugh about it.

You've gotta be able
to laugh at yourselves.

That's why I could
never marry again.

You said you'd like it

if someone proposed in an
impulsive and romantic way.

Oh, I would, and then I'd say no,
because no matter how nice they are,

no matter how much you like
them, after a while it gets boring.

I figured just stick
to the fun part.

- Define the fun part.
- Sex.

- Frank, how are the flowers coming?
- What?

Flowers.

- The lilies have landed.
- Great.

- Brodie, you gonna have enough film?
- I've got plenty.

Whatever.

I can't believe you guys
are helping Meldrick

with this elaborate practical
joke of which you will be the butt.

- Munch, what if it's not a joke?
- It's a joke. Trust me.

- What if it isn't?
- What if Lewis is countin' on us?

- He's countin' on us to be saps.
- He gave Kellerman a ring.

He paid cash for the Rose
Room at the Belvedere Hotel.

If he's screwin' around, his days
as the murder police are over.

I just remembered. What
am I gonna do with Caroline?

- Bring her.
- To a wedding with no other kids?

Leave her with me. We
could rent "101 Dalmatians",

my favourite movie
after "Raging Bull".

I think she's a little too
old for "101 Dalmatians".

How could anybody be
too old for "101 Dalmatians"?

It's like "Homer". A journey of the
heart, disguised as an adventure story.

- With dogs.
- I'm gonna go pick up Caroline.

- Wedding starts in an hour.
- I've gotta check my gear.

If anything goes
wrong, Lewis will kill me.

Well, I guess I'm
gonna go pick up Mary.

She's so big, she doesn't fit
behind the wheel any more.

Good idea, Frank.

You're all suckers!
Every one of you!

Wedding? Yeah, right. Sure!

Raymond Desassy. Police! Freeze!

What are you doin'
here? Go home!

You kids go home! Go on home!

- Gee, I've got bad news.
- What?

Raymond Desassy
couldn't be our shooter.

- Why?
- He was in jail last night.

A vice detective nailed him tryin'
to rob the 7-Eleven in Camden.

- We checked the record.
- It was a computer glitch.

- Computer glitch?
- Computer glitch.

Ten years ago I
would've grabbed his arm

before he had a chance
to fire. He'd be alive now.

Ten years ago the street was
different. Gee, it's not your fault.

He was tryin' to shoot us.

It shouldn't have happened. It
just shouldn't have happened.

What's the name of the guy at the radio
station, the one who fingered Desassy?

Jackson. Simon Jackson.

- I want him in "The Box" now.
- OK.

One, two, three, testing.
All right, everybody smile.

- What time is it?
- It's ten after five.

God, he's a no-show.

Can we eat yet?

Mummy, I'm bored.

- Lewis is not here?
- He's comin'.

- Barbara Shivers?
- Absent.

She's absent because
she doesn't exist.

I'd like to propose a toast
to the invisible Mr Lewis...

and his lovely, ephemeral
bride, the lovely Barbara Shivers.

What are you doin' here?

I came to see the debacle,
the looks on your faces.

- Farce, like history, needs a witness.
- Yeah. In a tuxedo?

Munch, admit it. You
thought he was comin', too.

I'm into the Cole Porter
thing, OK? Thank you.

There's somethin' I
don't understand here.

What kinda man
concocts such a lie?

Involves so many good-hearted
people, rents a ballroom, pays for flowers?

I paid for the flowers.

- I paid for the food and wine.
- He paid for the ring.

What kind of man does all that,

and then walks away
chuckling to himself?

A interesting man,
don't you think?

- He's nothin' special.
- He's very average.

He's scum.

I drag my pregnant
wife here for a joke?

I risk the life of my
unborn child for a joke?

Here's the deal. I'm
gonna take Mary home now.

Then I'm gonna find Lewis,
and I'm gonna kill him,

in such a way I
will not be caught.

He'll disappear and, like sphincters
before him, will not be missed.

Oh, Frank! Where you goin'?

Look who decided to come. Hello.

Friends, Baltimoreans,
countrymen, sorry we're a little late.

Ran outta gas.

I would like you to meet the
righteous Reverend Hartley,

my mum, Eleanor,
my grandmum, Midian,

my bride's best man, Tanya,
and this is Barbara Shivers.

You got the ring?

- You got plenty of film?
- I'm rollin'.

I'm sure you've seen
the inside of one of these.

Do you, Meldrick Lewis, take
this woman to be your bride?

I do.

Do you, Barbara Shivers, take
this man to be your husband?

I do.

I now pronounce
you man and wife.

Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! Whoa!

Time to jump this
broom. You ready?

You know Raymond Desassy how?

- He's around.
- A neighbour?

He just mentioned that
he shot Kevin Lugo?

Yeah.

- For which he was well-paid, right?
- Yeah.

- Desassy was in jail last night.
- Desassy was in jail?

So Lieutenant Giardello
and I are wonderin'

how does a guy in jail
in downtown Baltimore

shoot someone in
Mount Washington?

Maybe I was wrong.

- Maybe I made a mistake.
- Mistake? I don't get it.

Raymond did or did not
tell you he shot Kevin Lugo.

He could've just been
braggin'. I mean, he's like that.

Where were you last night?

At the movies with my
sisters. You can check.

- We will.
- Know what happened to Desassy?

- What?
- You don't know?

No. What?

Oh, man. Who did that?

- I did.
- Why?

He pissed me off, like
you're pissin' me off.

- He's dead?
- He's dead!

He didn't kill Kevin
Lugo. We figured you did.

- Me?
- You!

I was at the movies.

Did you think you
could collect the reward

for some murder you committed?

- I didn't do it!
- Who did?

I don't know.

You told us Raymond
Desassy killed him.

It was a joke, OK?

Raymond Desassy
was my best friend.

- A joke?
- A joke! To spook him, to razz him.

We did that kind of thing.

He was... he was my friend.
Why did you shoot him?

A joke?

Party over here. Everybody
on the dance floor.

Hey, Scheiner!
Scheiner, grab a girl!

- You wanna dance?
- No.

Good.

What if Barbara Shivers is in on
it? Her and this Reverend Hartley.

What if it's a trick on a
grand scale, like an epic trick?

Huh?

- That's really paranoid, Munch.
- Thank you.

- Isn't it a lovely wedding?
- Oh, it really is.

I'm Megan Russert,
and this is John Munch.

- Hi.
- Munch?

You're the one who took too
many drugs and damaged his brain.

- You call the Belvedere?
- I did.

- And?
- Lewis is married.

They're havin' the reception
now. Munch was looped.

- So it wasn't a hoax?
- Apparently not.

I'll take the grief.

It's under my name, not yours.

That's just a technicality,
my name's not up there.

It hardly seems fair, does it?

I gotta go pick up my sister at
the Belvedere. Wanna come with?

Oh, look, I'm not exactly in
the party mood today, Kay.

I shot a man today, and...

Maybe it would do
you some good, huh?

Get a drink. Dance
a little maybe.

- Come on.
- All right.

You don't have to
have a good time.

- You OK?
- Yeah, I'm fine.

Maybe this dancin'
isn't such a good idea.

What happens if you
inadvertently shake the guy out?

What if the guy is a gal?

- You could shake her out.
- Oh, honey, relax.

For once, just relax.

Gee, how you doin'?
Glad you could make it.

Barbara, this is my
Lieutenant, Al Giardello.

- This is Sergeant Kay Howard.
- Congratulations.

- Congratulations. Sorry we're late.
- Come in.

Thanks for you help today, Gee.

What is this a funeral?
Play somethin' funky.

Somethin' with a snap to it.

- Hey!
- Hey! I've been good, haven't I?

Yeah. Very good.

- Catch your shooter?
- No.

You've got a great sister, let
me tell you. She's a lot of fun.

- What's that?
- I'm cuttin' in.

- What?
- Rules of the dance floor.

I tap you on the shoulder,
you retreat, I dance with Carrie.

- Really?
- Mmm.

- Consider yourself lucky, huh?
- Why?

She's outta her mind.

- Carrie?
- Yeah.

- I've been scared of weddings.
- What?

This is the first wedding I
have been to since Mike died.

- What?
- I don't go out on dates any more.

Ever since that Beau
thing, I just... I don't know.

I've been hiding.

Caroline needs a man in
the house. She needs a father.

- What?
- She needs a father!

Hey, in what way exactly is
your sister out of her mind?

Carrie just sees life
as a game, you know?

She who has the most fun, wins.

Gee.

Why wouldn't she dance with me?

Who wouldn't dance with you?

Her.

Mary, let's sit down.

- I'm havin' fun.
- Your fun is makin' me nervous.

Babies don't just roll
out of women's stomachs.

When they're ready, they
come. Until then, they wait.

Come on, dance!

I will dance with
you all evening,

except I don't want to get
my main squeeze jealous.

Have some whisky or somethin'.

I'm not talkin' to you.

I haven't shot a man
in over 20 years...

and even then he didn't die.

At least I had an excuse
that I was a rookie, you know...

and I ran out into
an alley like an idiot.

It was...

It was dark and I was alone.

And a guy named...

Wally Ritchovich...

he come at me...

and I hit him in the leg.

I hit him in the shoulder...

and he tumbled.

He didn't die, you know?

I miss my wife, Kay.

- What?
- My turn.

No way!

- I tap your shoulder and I cut in.
- No, hold it.

You give each person a
reasonable amount of time to dance.

- You didn't say that.
- I'm sayin' it now.

- Yeah, it's too late.
- Stop it.

Stop it!

Why do you have to act so crazy?

I don't wanna dance
with either of you!

- Best men don't fight at weddings.
- He was pissin' me off.

No, he broke the rules.

- Hey, Tim.
- What?

- It's not his fault.
- What? He attacked me.

Oh, God! Frank!

- Frank!
- What's wrong?

I think it's coming.

Call an ambulance!
Mary's havin' the baby!

Get a doctor in here!

I'm coming! I'm
coming! I am a doctor.

You'll be all right.

- So you feelin' better?
- No.

Damn, women, huh?

Carrie's somethin', huh?

You'd never think Kay
would have a sister like that.

What you think about Barbara?

She's really great.
I'm very happy for you.

- Yeah.
- Yeah.

I'm jealous, man.
Now you gotta wife.

The reason why I slammed
this wedding through so quick

was I didn't want to change
my mind, get cold feet.

- She isn't pregnant?
- No!

No.

This is scary stuff for me.

This is like a life
sentence here.

You're talkin' about PTA meetings,
changin' diapers and mowin' lawns.

This is what's in
store for me, my friend.

I know. I remember.

Yeah, well... I guess we
better get on back inside.

- You gotta make up with Bayliss.
- Oh, yeah right!

Hey, I am doin' the
right thing, though, right?

I am? This does make sense, huh?

- What?
- Careful. Easy.

- What happened?
- Mary's havin' the baby!

- What? Right now?
- Yeah.

Join your hands with mine. OK.

- Careful, careful.
- One, two three, go!

- Watch it!
- Careful.

- You throw a hell of a party.
- Yeah.

Everybody back inside.
We'll dance the night away.

Gee's buyin' the drinks!