Hill Street Blues (1981–1987): Season 3, Episode 17 - The Belles of St. Marys - full transcript

I AM WEARING A TOUPEE.

IF THEY OFFER YOU THIS JOB,

WE'LL HAVE A LOT TO
TALK ABOUT. WON'T WE?

THE NEW PROMOTIONS...

WHO GOT PROMOTED, PHIL? WHO?

I GET THIS WAY WHEN
I'VE BEEN UP ALL NIGHT

PHONING A HOTEL WHERE
YOU NEVER CHECKED IN.

YOU TOOK ME TO DINNER EVERY
SATURDAY NIGHT FOR A MONTH.

I WANT TO KNOW
WHAT HAPPENED TO US.

THE SIMPLE TRUTH IS
THAT I MET SOMEBODY ELSE.

I STAYED THERE BECAUSE IT
WAS NICER THAN A HOTEL ROOM,



AND HE WAS NICE ENOUGH TO OFFER.

I HAVE TO KNOW. DID
YOU SLEEP WITH THIS GUY?

ITEM NINE. PEOPLE, A LITTLE
FORBEARANCE, PLEASE.

THANK YOU.

YOU WILL NOTE, OFFICER BOGBURN

PASSING OUT AMONGST YOU

THE NEW 1983 REVISED
AND UNEXPURGATED EDITION

OF THE DEPARTMENTAL MANUAL.

I CAN WELL UNDERSTAND
YOUR DISMAY

AS I MYSELF DO NOT LOOK
FORWARD TO AN IN-DEPTH STUDY

OF THIS MATERIAL.

CHAPTER HEADINGS SUCH
AS "THE DENVER BOOT...

INNOVATIONS IN
VEHICULAR IMMOBILIZATION"

DO NOT WHET ONE'S
APPETITE FOR LEARNING.



NEVERTHELESS IT REMAINS OUR DUTY

TO STAY CURRENT WITH OUR
AGENCY'S RULES AND PROCEDURES,

SO I IMPLORE YOU,

PLEASE TAKE A FEW
PRECIOUS OFF-DUTY HOURS

IN THE PERUSAL OF SAID TOME.

JUST WHAT I'M GOING TO DO.

ALL RIGHT, ITEM 10.
WANTS AND WARRANTS.

SHORT AND SWEET, SO LISTEN UP.

BE ON THE LOOKOUT

FOR ONE ROLAND J. THOMPSON.

ALSO KNOWN AS HARDBALL,
CUE BALL, OR DR. T.

HE'S A MALE BLACK,
5'7", 145 POUNDS,

DISTINGUISHING CHARACTERISTIC

BEING A TOTALLY BALD PATE.

LAST SPOTTED DRIVING

A '76 GRAY CUTLASS,

LICENSE PLATE 053
APPLE, DAVID, BAKER.

ALSO BE ON THE ALERT THIS A.M.

FOR A HERBERT D. PONZATINO,

A MALE CAUCASIAN,
BROWN HAIR, BROWN EYES,

5'10", HEAVY SET,

PRIME SUSPECT

IN THE AVENUE B
HOUSING PROJECT RAPES.

LET'S PUT A LITTLE EXTRA
INTO THAT ONE, PEOPLE,

AS MR. PONZATINO'S
ABERRANT APPETITES

APPEAR TO BE ON THE RISE.

ITEM 11...

DETECTIVE BELKER
WILL BE STAKING OUT

THE SHOP-N-SAVE
24-HOUR MARKET THIS A.M.

PURSUANT TO A 34% INCREASE

IN PURSE SNATCHING
AND ROB ASSAULTS

ON THE PATRONS OF
SAID ESTABLISHMENT.

MOTOR PATROLS, BE
ALERT TO THAT SITUATION.

ITEM LAST...

THE SENIOR CRIMINOLOGY CLASS

OF THE ST. MARY'S
GIRLS HIGH SCHOOL

WILL BE GUESTS ON THE
PREMISES THE NEXT THREE DAYS,

UNDER MY DIRECT SUPERVISION.

NEEDLESS TO SAY,

THESE YOUNG LADIES ARE TO
BE SHOWN THE UTMOST COURTESY

BY THE OFFICES OF THIS PRECINCT.

AND BE REMINDED AS WELL,
THAT I EXPECT A CODE OF CONDUCT

THAT IS EXEMPLARY,

LANGUAGE WISE, BEHAVIOR WISE

AND EVERY WHICH WAY OTHERWISE.

ALL RIGHT, THAT'S
IT. LET'S ROLL.

AND HEY, HEY, HEY!

LET'S BE CAREFUL OUT THERE.

HEY, SARGE, YOU SURE YOU DON'T
NEED ANY HELP ON THAT SUPERVISION?

MY GOD, NEAL, HAVE YOU EVER SEEN

SOME OF THESE TEENAGE
CHICKS' FIRM YOUNG BOSOMS

BURSTING TO BE FREE,

SHORT PLEATED SKIRTS,

CARESSING GOLDEN DOWN

ACROSS AN EXPANSE
OF FIRM, WHITE THIGHS.

YOU ARE A SICK MAN, J.D.

I KNOW. I KNOW. I
JUST CAN'T HELP IT.

YEAH, I THINK I'M GOING TO TAKE
THIS NEW DEPARTMENTAL MANUAL

TO MY PIT STOP THIS MORNING

IN CASE THEY RUN
OUT OF SANITARY WIPES.

MA, THERE'S NOTHING
TO BE CONCERNED ABOUT.

YES, THEY CALLED ME,

SO I KNOW THEY PUT HIM
IN THE HOSPITAL WARD,

BUT THE DOCTOR
SAID IT'S ONLY A COLD.

IT'S A SIMPLE PRECAUTIONARY, MA.

THE DOCTOR SAID

AT THAT AGE, IF YOU DON'T IT...

IT'S NOT PNEUMONIA, MA.

DON'T BE SILLY.

THEY'RE ONLY CONCERNED THAT
IT SHOULD GET INTO THE LUNG.

THAT'S ALL.

THEY'RE GIVING HIM...

TETRACYCLINE.

DON'T WORRY ABOUT THE
MONEY. WOULD YOU, PLEASE?

I ALREADY AUTHORIZED
THE ADDITION.

DON'T KEEP SAYING THAT.

ACCORDING TO THE DOCTOR,

IT'S A SIMPLE
PROPHYLACTIC MEASURE.

MA. MA, MA. MA!

IT DOESN'T MEAN WHAT
YOU THINK IT MEANS.

IT HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH SEX.

SURE.

SURE, A WEEK BEFORE
THE CLEANING WILL BE FINE.

UH-HUH. YEAH, THANKS, TOM.

YO, FRANK,

I'VE GOT A DRIVER
WAITING FOR ME OUTSIDE,

AND I'VE BEEN COOLING MY
HEELS HERE 12 MINUTES ALREADY.

I GOT A 9:00 CROSS-TOWN
BRUNCH WITH MY BROKER.

SO WHAT'S UP?

THIS IS WHAT'S UP.

YOU WANNA FILL ME IN?

LOOKS LIKE A STANDARD
FINANCIAL DISCLOSURE

FOR THE UNION SECURITY EXCHANGE.

UH-HUH, WITH YOUR
SIGNATURE AT THE BOTTOM

AND MY NAME IN IT AS YOUR
PRIME CREDIT REFERENCE.

OH. I WOULD'VE PUT
DOWN PEPE HERNANDEZ,

BUT HE GOT TURNED
DOWN FOR PAROLE...

WHAT THE HELL IS
GOING ON HERE, JESUS?

ACCORDING TO THIS, YOU'VE
INVESTED NEARLY $50,000

IN SOME KIND OF
COMMODITY FUTURES DEAL.

BEANS.

MY BROKER TELLS ME,

IF IT RAINS IN
GEORGIA NEXT MONTH,

I CAN TURN THIS PAPER OVER

FOR A COOL 1.5 MILLION.

UNLESS YOU'D
RATHER I GO OFF BOOK

AND DEAL PERUVIAN...

LIKE MOST OF THE DUDES IN
MY SOCIAL-ECONOMIC TIDE POOL.

COME ON, FRANKIE.

LET ME GET MY NOSE ON
THE WHITE MAN'S TROPHY.

IN CASE YOU'VE FORGOTTEN, JESUS,

THE GRAND PROPOSAL YOU SUBMITTED

WAS FOR A LOCAL YOUTH
RECREATION PROGRAM.

WHAT'S 5O LOUSY Gs

WORTH OF BASKETBALL
AND HIGH-TOPS?

BESIDES PRELIMINARY
ACCOUNTS TO THE FED

IS NOT DUE FOR FIVE WEEKS.

BY THEN I'LL HAVE ENOUGH MONEY

TO BUY MY OWN DAMN COUNTRY CLUB.

GET MY NAME OFF YOUR
CREDIT REFERENCE.

YOU WANT TO SPEND THE
NEXT FIVE YEARS UPSTATE,

DO IT WITHOUT MY HELP. OKAY?

OKAY, FRANKIE.

MARK MY WORDS.

WHAT YOU SEE STANDING
HERE BEFORE YOU TODAY

IS THE NEXT ROBERT VESCO.

ROBERT VESCO

IS WANTED IN OVER 14 COUNTRIES,

ON ABOUT FIVE DOZEN COUNTS

OF INTERNATIONAL
SECURITIES FRAUD.

WHATEVER.

I'M NOT EVEN GOING TO
ASK WHAT THAT WAS ABOUT.

BELIEVE ME, YOU'RE BETTER OFF.

AREN'T YOU A FEW HOURS EARLY?

I'VE GOT AN ASSAULT CASE
LEFT OVER FROM LAST NIGHT.

REGULAR ONE-MAN WRECKING CREW,

ACCORDING TO HIS ARREST SHEET.

WE'LL STATION A UNIFORM
IN THERE WITH HIM.

THAT'S OKAY. I'VE GOT A GOOD 10
ROUNDS LEFT IN MY MACE CANISTER.

FRANK, DO YOU MIND IF I TAKE
A RAIN CHECK ON LUNCH TODAY?

CLARK GALLOWAY IS FLYING
OUT FROM WASHINGTON

ON THE MORNING SHUTTLE.

I TAKE IT YOU GOT THE JOB.

I SUPPOSE I'LL FIND
THAT OUT AT LUNCH.

REALLY, FRANK, I HAVE NO IDEA.

EXCUSE ME, MISS DAVENPORT.

YOUR SUSPECT IS IN
INTERROGATION ONE.

THANK YOU, SERGEANT.

I'LL LET YOU KNOW AFTER LUNCH.

A SENIOR OFFICER
OF THE POLICE...

RANK OF THE...

WHEN AN INCIDENT HAS REACHED...

- IN ORDER TO...
- WHEN AN INCIDENT

HAS REACHED THE POINT

WHERE THE REMAINING
FUNCTIONS ARE INVESTIGATED,

- AND THE SENIOR CONCERN...
- WHAT INVESTIGATIVE FUNCTIONS?

DETECTIVE SHOULD BE IN COMMAND,

ASSUMING SUCH COMMAND
BY IDENTIFYING HIMSELF,

AND INFORMING THE
OFFICERS THEN IN COMMAND.

WHICH YOU NEVER REALLY
DID IDENTIFY YOURSELF.

WHAT DO YOU WANT IT IN, NEON?

FOR GOD'S SAKE, HERE YOU GO.

DETECTIVE
LIEUTENANT, LIEUTENANT.

DETECTIVE.

YOU MIND TELLING
ME WHAT'S GOING ON?

I WAS MERELY INSTRUCTING
THE JUNIOR LIEUTENANT

THE FINE POINTS OF
RIGHT DETERMINATION.

OUR HOUSE JUNKY GOT SICK ON
SOME LAWYER'S CAR IN THE LOT, FRANK.

IT WAS A... AND I
GOT THERE FIRST.

I WAS JUST TRYING TO BREAK
UP A FIGHT, FOR GOD'S SAKE.

I HAD THE SITUATION
UNDER CONTROL.

GENTLEMEN. GENTLEMEN!

I THINK IT'S TIME WE ALL
THREE HAD A TALK. DON'T YOU?

SINCE I SUDDENLY FIND
MYSELF A LITTLE BEFORE LUNCH,

SUPPOSE WE MEET IN A FEW HOURS

AND GET TO THE BOTTOM OF THIS?

I'LL PHONE THE
GALLEY FOR A TABLE.

THAT'S OVER 20 BLOCKS FROM HERE.

- I'LL CALL LOUISA'S.
- LOUISA'S?

I'LL PICK THE RESTAURANT.
OKAY, GENTLEMEN?

AGREED?

STATE HEALTH FOUND A DOG
COLLAR BEHIND LOUISA'S LAST MONTH.

I DON'T KNOW WHAT
YOU'RE TALKING ABOUT.

I WAS SIPPING A BEER,
MINDING MY OWN BUSINESS,

WHEN THIS BIG WEIGHTLIFTER TYPE
COMES OVER, AND HE STARTS TO...

5'7", 145 LBS,

MUST'VE BEEN THE LIGHTING.

ANYWAY, HE FOLLOWS
ME TO THE JOHN.

HE STARTS PHYSICALLY
ATTACKING ME.

IT WAS TERRIBLE.

I'VE GOT STATEMENTS
HERE ON THE CRIME REPORT

FROM THREE WITNESSES

THAT YOU FOLLOWED
HIM INTO THE WASHROOM.

NO, YOU'RE KIDDING.

MR. CROCKETT, IT'S NOT
EXACTLY CLASSIFIED INFORMATION

THAT YOU'VE BEEN WORKING
AS A COLLECTION ENFORCER

FOR A LOAN SHARK

BY THE NAME OF TOBIAS WOLF

FOR THE PAST SEVERAL YEARS.

IT'S ALSO A MATTER OF RECORD

THAT THE VICTIM OF THIS ASSAULT

WAS IN ARREARS TO MR. WOLF

FOR THE AMOUNT OF $8,000.

YOU GOT A GREAT BOD, MAMA.

WHAT ARE YOU DOING FOR
BREAKFAST TOMORROW?

QUIT WASTING MY TIME, CROCKETT.

IN CASE YOU SLEPT THROUGH THE
INTRODUCTIONS, I'M YOUR LAWYER.

I'M REPRESENTING YOU.

SO UNLESS YOU WANT TO
WALK INTO THAT COURTROOM

WITH JUST YOUR QUESTIONABLE WIT

AND A THREE-PAGE WRAP SHEET,

I SUGGEST YOU CUT THE CRAP

AND TELL ME WHAT
REALLY HAPPENED,

OR I'M OUT OF HERE.

KEEP A SECRET?

ALL LAWYER-CLIENT CORRESPONDENCE

IS REGARDED BY LAW

AS PRIVILEGED COMMUNICATION.

WELL, IN THAT CASE,

A TOTALLY UNPROVOKED ASSAULT.

I USED THE CREEP'S
FACE LIKE A VOLLEYBALL

AGAINST THE JOHN DOOR
FOR AT LEAST FIVE MINUTES.

IT WAS A REAL UGLY SCENE.

I'M JUST GLAD THERE WASN'T
ANYBODY IN THERE TO SEE IT.

THAT LITTLE TRAMP WON'T
SIGN A COMPLAINT AGAINST ME

FOR A MILLION BUCKS, COUNSELOR.

IF HE DOES, HE'S FISH FOOD IN
THE RIVER BY THE END OF THE WEEK.

NO COMPLAINT, NO CHARGES.

I'M OUT OF THIS STINK
HOLE BY 4:00 AT THE LATEST.

I IMAGINE YOU WILL
BE, MR. CROCKETT.

BETTER WATCH OUT.
GOTTA BE ON DUST.

WE WENT OUT THERE, AND HE
TRIED TO KARATE CHOP MY HEAD.

YOU THINK WE SHOULD
CALL FOR PARAMEDICS?

DON'T WASTE YOUR TIME.

YOU COULDN'T GET A NEEDLE UNLESS
YOU HAD A BLOWGUN OUT THERE.

WHAT ARE WE GOING TO DO?
HE'S GOING TO GET RUN OVER.

WELL, WE COULD TALK TO HIM.

ALL OF US.

SO, BRUCE LEE, HOW YOU DOING?

YOU GOTTA BE COLD
STANDING OUT THERE LIKE THAT.

I'M TELLING THE CARS
WHERE TO GO, MAN.

I TELL THE CARS WHERE TO GO!

LISTEN, THERE'S NO LAW AGAINST
TELLING THE CARS WHERE TO GO.

WE JUST THOUGHT THAT MAYBE
YOU WERE FREEZING OUT THERE.

WANT MY JACKET?

I GOT IT.

GIVE IT TO ME.

THROW IT NOW!

ALL RIGHT, LOOK. IF
I GIVE YOU MY COAT,

YOU GOTTA COME WITH US.

LET GO. I GOT A CUFF.

I DON'T CARE IF HE
RAN A PURPLE LIGHT,

I'M ABOUT TO BUST A
MAJOR ORGAN HERE.

I GAVE YOU 15 MINUTES
FOR A SIT DOWN.

IS IT MY FAULT THAT JEKILEK WAS
HOGGING THAT STOOL AS PER USUAL?

JUST MAKE IT FAST.

LORD, I'M DYING HERE, BOBBY,

SO JUST DO THE
STANDARD ROUTINE, OKAY?

LICENSES, REGISTRATION,
SCRIBBLE A FEW NOTES,

THEN ADIOS, MARIO. YOU GOT THAT?

LICENSE AND
REGISTRATION, PLEASE.

DON'T TELL ME. THE SOCKS, RIGHT?

BLUE SOCKS, BROWN
SHOES. I'VE OFFENDED YOU.

NO, WAIT, IT'S THAT FAMILY OF 12

THAT I RESCUED FROM A
BURNING BUS LAST WEEK,

AND YOU WANT TO GIVE ME A MEDAL.

OH, PLEASE.

LOOK, YOU RAN A
RED LIGHT BACK THERE,

SO WOULD YOU JUST GIVE US YOUR
LICENSE AND REGISTRATION, PLEASE?

OH, YOU MEAN THE LICENSE.

TRIPLE A CARD DO?

HOW ABOUT A DOUBLE-A CARD?

INSTEAD OF A TOE TRUCK, THEY
SEND YOU A FIFTH OF SCOTCH.

WHAT A MORNING THIS
TURNED OUT TO BE, HUH?

GUY COMES UP TO ME AND SAYS,

"YOU KNOW WHERE
DELAWARE PARK IS?"

I SAY, "NO. IT'S OKAY,
I'M LUCKY HERE."

ASKED YOU FOR YOUR LICENSE
AND REGISTRATION THERE, SLICK.

RELAX, PAL. IT'S, UH, PROBABLY
IN THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT.

YOU'VE GOT SEVERAL HUNDRED DOLLARS
WORTH OF PARKING TICKETS IN THERE.

WELL, I'LL BE DARNED.

YOU CAN HAVE THE
ENTIRE LOT FOR 29.95.

BOBBY, COULD WE JUST PLEASE...

WOULD YOU MIND
STEPPING OUT OF THE CAR?

OH, WHAT ARE YOU
GOING TO DO, SHOOT ME?

BEAT ME UP WITH
THOSE RUBBER HOSES?

YOU DON'T LOOK TOO GOOD, PAL.

LOOK, WE'RE GOING TO TAKE
YOU DOWN TO THE STATION.

JUST STEP OUT OF THE CAR.

OKAY, OAKY. LOCK
ME UP, PERSECUTE ME.

PUT THE NAILS
RIGHT IN THE HANDS,

AND FEED ME TO SMALL
ANIMALS, BUT REMEMBER THIS.

I'M A PERSONAL
FRIEND OF JOEY BISHOP.

WAIT RIGHT HERE. BELKER.

LET'S MOVE.

I'M DEATHLY ASHAMED,
DEATHLY ASHAMED.

OH, BARNEY, WOULD YOU STOP
ALL THAT OLD JIVE WHINING?

IF YOU HADN'T HAVE
STOPPED LIKE WE DID,

WE'D HAVE OUTRUN THAT WHITE BOY.

WELL, IF YOU HADN'T HAVE WASTED
TIME ROUSTING THAT POT ROAST,

I WOULDN'T HAVE HAD
TO STOP FOR A WHITE BOY.

WHO'S IT BEEN TELLING ME

HE'D RATHER GO OUT
IN A BLAZE OF GUNFIRE

THAN EAT ANOTHER PLATE OF BEANS?

WILL YOU SHUT UP?

NAME. YOU FIRST.

FREDDIE JONES,

AND I AIN'T NEVER BEEN
OUTSIDE OF THE LAW IN MY LIFE

EXCEPT FOR THE TIME

I BORROWED SOME WEEKEND MONEY

FROM THE LIQUOR STORE.

THAT WAS 38 LONG YEARS AGO.

I'VE BEEN HAVING MYSELF
A CLEAN SLATE EVER SINCE.

THAT'S THE LORD'S TRUTH, SON.

HOME ADDRESS.

WE GOT US A ROOM DOWN ON DECKER.

THERE AIN'T NO ADDRESS

ON ACCOUNT OF THEY TORE IT DOWN

WHEN THEY CONDEMNED
THE BUILDING.

AIN'T THAT RIGHT?

I'M MOVING OUT ON YOU, FREDDIE.

IT'S THE LAST TIME I LET
YOU GET ME IN ANY TROUBLE.

DON'T LET THE SCREEN DOOR
HIT YOU ON YOUR WAY OUT.

HEY, GUYS, I DON'T
THINK YOU UNDERSTAND.

YOU PULLED AN ARMED ROBBERY.

EVEN THOUGH THE
GUN WASN'T LOADED,

YOU'RE PROBABLY GOING TO JAIL.

SEE WHAT YOU DONE DONE?

LORD, WE GOING TO JAIL.

DOES JAIL HAVE BATHROOMS WITH
HOT RUNNING WATER NOWADAYS?

YEAH, SURE.

THEN WE BETTER
OFF THAN WE'VE BEEN.

- IS THERE FOOD IN JAIL?
- YEAH.

BARNEY HERE, HE
DON'T EAT ON SATURDAY.

AND I DON'T EAT ON SUNDAY.

AND THAT GETS US
THROUGH THE WEEK.

THEY HAVE DOCTORS IN JAIL?

BUT FREDDIE HERE,

HE'S GOT DIABETES AND PHLEBITIS.

HE CAN'T GO BACK TO
THE HOSPITAL ANYMORE

'CAUSE HE DONE USED
UP ALL OF HIS BENEFITS.

AND BARNEY HERE,
HE'S GOT A BAD HEART.

YEAH, THEY SAY I HAVE TO
HAVE A TRIPLE OVERPASS,

AND I'M ON THE LIST FOR
ONE OF THOSE OPERATIONS.

WHAT HE NEEDS IS ONE OF
THOSE MECHANICAL HEARTS.

A WHOLE LOT OF WHITE
MEN HAVE TO GET ONE

BEFORE HE GETS ONE.

FREDDIE, I LEFT MY PILLS.

I THOUGHT WE'D BE
HOME FREE BY NOW.

TAKE HIM DOWNSTAIRS.

WE'LL BOOK HIM
WHEN HE'S STRAIGHT.

WHY'D YOU DO THAT, MICK?
WHY DID YOU HOLD ME BACK?

BECAUSE YOU COULD'VE GOT HURT.

WHAT HAPPENED TO YOUR FACE?

I'M GOING TO GET
HURT. THAT'S MY JOB.

YOU'RE TOO LITTLE
FOR A PSYCHO LIKE THAT.

I CAN LOOK YOU IN
THE EYE, HOTSHOT.

YOU'RE RIGHT. I'M SORRY. I
GOT A LITTLE CARRIED AWAY.

YOU EMBARRASSED ME, MICK.

DON'T EVER DO IT AGAIN.

YOU BETTER PUT SOME
PEROXIDE ON THAT. THOSE THINGS...

BON JOUR. HI, CAN I HELP YOU?

YEAH, COULD YOU TELL US
WHERE SGT. ESTERHAUS IS, PLEASE?

OH, HE'S THAT TALL ELDERLY
GENTLEMEN OVER THERE,

BUT IT LOOKS LIKE HE
MIGHT BE A LITTLE BUSY, SO...

HONORABLE BELLES OF ST. MARY.

- SGT. ESTERHAUS?
- THAT'S CORRECT.

AND WHO MIGHT YOU BE?

- I'M KRISTIN.
- AND YOUR LAST NAME?

- MURPHY.
- AND YOU?

UH-UH-UH.

COLD SHOWERS, BABE.

PUSHUPS.

CRIMINAL NEAL, ESTERHAUS
MONOPOLIZING ALL THAT YOUNG FLESH.

HEY, I'M A DANGEROUS MAN.

ALL RIGHT, STAND
HERE, FACE THIS MAN.

KEEP YOUR MOUTH SHUT.

YOU KNOW WHAT I DID?

I YELLED FIRE AT A
UROLOGIST CONVENTION ONCE.

THAT'S DANGEROUS.

DID YOU EVER TRY A LITTLE
HUMOR IN YOUR WORK?

YOU EVER TRY PAYING
YOUR PARKING TICKETS?

ONCE. IT COST ME MONEY.

ALL RIGHT, SHECKY'S
ALL YOURS, BOY SCOUT.

I'VE GOT A DATE WITH
SOME PORCELAIN.

ANGRY WIFE WANTS TO VISIT
HER HUSBAND IN THE JOINT.

"I'M FED UP," SHE SAYS.
"LOOK AT YOUR LIFE.

"ATTEMPTED ROBBERY, ATTEMPTED
BURGLARY, ATTEMPTED MURDER.

CAN'T YOU FINISH ANYTHING?"

MY UNCLE, AN INCREDIBLE
MAN, A PSYCHIC.

KNEW THE EXACT DAY
HE WAS GOING TO DIE.

THE WARDEN TOLD HIM.

THAT'S PRETTY GOOD.

HEY, YOU'RE A PRETTY FUNNY GUY.

LITTLE OLD LADY WALKS
UP TO A COP AND SAYS,

"I WAS ATTACKED.
I WAS ATTACKED."

HE SAYS, "WHEN?" SHE
SAYS, "20 YEARS AGO."

HE SAYS, "WHAT ARE YOU
TELLING ME NOW FOR?"

SHE SAYS, "BECAUSE I JUST LIKE TO
TALK ABOUT IT EVERY ONCE IN A WHILE."

MAN, YOU'RE A SCREAM.

YOU KNOW, YOU OUGHT TO
BE DOING THIS FOR A LIVING.

THANKS, EINSTEIN.

I MEAN, WHAT DO YOU THINK, I'M A MEMBER
OF THE JOINT CHIEFS OF STAFF OR SOMETHING?

I DO DO THIS FOR A LIVING.

YEAH? NO KIDDING, HUH?

PROFESSIONAL COMIC.

HEY, YOU WORK ANY OF
THE CLUBS AROUND TOWN?

MAYBE I CAN CATCH YOUR ACT.

WELL, I'M KIND OF IN
BETWEEN GIGS RIGHT NOW.

IT TAKES A LITTLE TIME
TO GET ESTABLISHED,

AND SINCE I JUST HIT TOWN
SIX MONTHS AGO FROM MIAMI...

YOU'VE BEEN OUT OF
A GIG FOR SIX MONTHS,

A GUY WITH YOUR TALENT?

HEY, IT'S THE DAMN NEPOTISM
IN THIS BUSINESS, RIGHT?

IT'S WHO YOU KNOW.

AM I RIGHT OR AM I RIGHT?
NOT TO MENTION AGENTS.

I MEAN, YOU SIGN
WITH THE WRONG ONE.

NEXT STOP... TOILET TOWN.

MY OLD LADY, I TOOK HER TO A
WIFE SWAPPING PARTY LAST WEEK.

I HAD TO THROW IN SOME CASH.

NAME, SIR?

VIC. PUBLIC RELATIONS.

I MEAN, I DON'T WANT TO
MAKE EXCUSES OR NOTHING,

BUT HOW AM I
SUPPOSED TO LAND A GIG

WEARING THIS CLOWN SUIT?

SORRY, I NEED YOUR FULL NAME.

- VIC, SWEETHEART. VIC.
- YEAH, I GOT THAT.

PANTS. I HAVEN'T HAD A
DECENT RAZOR CUT OR MANICURE

IN TWO YEARS.

SHOULD'VE CAUGHT
MY ACT IN RENO, '72.

MAN, DID I LOOK SHARP.

SIR, I NEED YOUR LAST NAME.

IT'S HITLER. AND
THEN THERE'S MY CAR.

I MEAN, THAT'S A JOKE
IN ITSELF RIGHT THERE.

HITLER?

YEAH, VIC HITLER. READ
MY LIPS. VIC HITLER.

I MEAN, YOU DON'T THINK
THE GUYS THAT PARK THE CAR

DON'T TELL THE CLUB OWNERS
THAT I DRIVE A 15-YEAR-OLD DODGE?

MONEY CHASES MONEY, RIGHT?

- HITLER?
- THAT'S MY LIFE STORY.

THAT'S IT IN A NUTSHELL.

HEY, HEY.

YOU EVER THOUGHT OF
CHANGING YOUR NAME?

WHY?

HEY, TATUM, YOU SANE YET?

YOU TELL ME HOW
SANE I'M SUPPOSED TO BE

AFTER YOU GUYS BEAT
ME EVERY WAY BUT SUNDAY.

HEY, PAL, WHAT DO
YOU CALL THIS, A ROSE?

PUT THESE ON.

LOOKING FORWARD
TO A LAW SUIT, JACK.

I GOT RIGHTS.

YOU KNOW, WHERE I COME FROM,

WE DON'T TAKE THAT
KIND OF STUFF OFF OF HIM.

ANOTHER COUNTY HEARD FROM.

WHERE I COME FROM,

WE EAT YOUR TURKEY
FACE FOR BREAKFAST.

I'M RIGHT HERE. COME ON.

HEY, HARLEY, TURN IT OFF.

YEAH? OR WHAT?

GONNA COME SIT ON ME, RIGHT?

YOU WANNA GET ON MY CASE?

WHITE MEN AIN'T GOT
NO RIGHTS NO MORE.

WHY DON'T YOU GIVE
IT A REST, BOTH OF YOU.

IF NOW IS NOT THE MOST
OPPORTUNE TIME, AMIGO,

THIS OLD EX-CHECKER
CAN WAIT A WHILE.

THANK YOU VERY MUCH, LIEUTENANT,

BUT I THINK I OUGHT TO PAY
YOU WHILE I STILL HAVE IT.

I UNDERSTAND.

HOW IS THE OLDER
TIMER DOING, MICK?

MY FATHER?

MOST OF THE TIME
HE AIN'T SO GOOD.

DOCTOR SAYS HE'S GOT
ALZHEIMER'S DISEASE.

A FRIEND OF THE FAMILY?

WHO?

THIS ZHEIMER INDIVIDUAL.

NO, PROBABLY JUST SOME GUY

THEY JUST NAME DISEASES AFTER.

IT'S A SURE THING, NEAL.

ALL THE GUY NEEDS
IS SOME FRONT MONEY,

SOMETHING FOR A SUIT,

A LITTLE SOMETHING FOR
SOMETHING FOR SOME PROMOTION.

MAYBE WE TAKE OUT ONE OR TWO ADS

IN ONE OF THOSE IN ONE
OF THEM PAPERS, AND...

HE'S GONE.

VEGAS, ATLANTIC
CITY, JOHNNY CARSON.

MAN, YOU SAW HIM.
HE'S GOT IT ALL...

DELIVERY, TIMING, INSTINCT.

YEAH, PARKING TICKETS.

WHAT'S THAT GOT TO
DO WITH ANYTHING?

ALL ARTISTS GOT QUIRKS.

YEAH, DO THEY HAVE
THE NAME HITLER?

MAN, YOU CAN'T SEE
A STROKE OF GENIUS

WHEN IT FLAPS YOU IN THE FACE.

IN THE BUSINESS, IT'S
WHAT'S KNOWN AS A HOOK.

WHO EVER HEARD OF A
COMIC WITH THE NAME HITLER?

I THINK THERE'S A
REASON FOR THAT, BABE.

YEAH, I'VE GOT TO ADMIT, I'VE BEEN
TOYING WITH A MINOR NAME CHANGE.

VIC HITLER JR.

I'M TELLING YOU, NEAL, HITLER IS THE
BEST THING THAT EVER HAPPENED TO US.

J.D., YOU MIGHT AS WELL
TURN OFF THE FAUCET, BABE,

'CAUSE YOU CAN'T GET
DOLLAR ONE OUT OF THIS COP.

UH-UH, DON'T EVEN BOTHER
MENTIONING THE AMOUNT.

200.200 INFLATION-RIDDEN DOLLARS

TO HELP LAUNCH A CAREER

THAT'LL LAND THE BOTH OF US

IN MONEY CITY FOR LIFE.

YOU GOING TO PASS
UP A CHANCE LIKE THAT?

MM-HM, EVER TIME.

I HAD A TALK WITH DEPARTMENTAL
MAINTENANCE THIS MORNING.

WE SHOULD GET ANOTHER
FURNACE IN A COUPLE MONTHS.

GREAT. JUST TIME FOR SUMMER.

HOW'S YOUR BEEF?

ROSA MAKES IT BETTER.

- HOW'S YOUR FISH?
- FINE.

A LITTLE TOO MUCH BUTTER.

VEAL'S GOOD.

I ALMOST GOT THE VEAL.

THIS IS CRAZY.

WE'VE BEEN HERE
FOR HALF AN HOUR.

WE'VE COVERED EVERY SUBJECT

FROM FURNACES TO VEAL

EXCEPT WHAT WE CAME
HERE TO TALK ABOUT.

HENRY SHOULD GO FIRST.

AFTER ALL, IT'S HIS SITUATION

THAT HAS CHANGED, NOT MINE.

I'M STUCK IN THE SAME HOLE.

GREAT, RAY, BLEED
ALL OVER THE TABLE.

WE'RE HERE BECAUSE OF YOU.

WHAT'S THE PROBLEM, RAY?

IT'S JUST THAT...
DAMN IT, FRANK.

I DON'T GET ANY
RESPECT FROM ANYONE.

HOW CAN I?

I SPEND THE WHOLE DAY
TAKING PHONE CALLS, FRANK.

YOUR CAR IS READY.

I FEEL USELESS.

I FEEL LIKE EVERYONE
IS MOVING UP EXCEPT ME.

I FEEL LIKE I'M BEING LEFT
BEHIND BY YOU, FRANK,

AND IT STINKS.

OKAY, NOW WE'RE
GETTING SOMEWHERE.

WOULD YOU MIND PUTTING
OUT THAT CIGAR, SIR?

THIS IS THE SMOKING SECTION.

DOESN'T GIVE YOU THE
RIGHT TO RUIN MY MEAL.

- SO CALL A COP.
- I AM A COP.

SO BIG DEAL, YOU'RE A COP.

WHAT ARE YOU GOING
TO DO, SET ME UP A RIVER?

I PAID A BUCK FOR THIS
CIGAR. I WANT TO ENJOY IT.

HERE.

HEY, THAT'S GONNA COST
YOU MORE THAN A BUCK.

THIS IS A DESIGNATED
SMOKING AREA, SIR.

I'D HATE TO HAVE TO
ASK YOU TO LEAVE.

YOU DON'T HAVE TO.

I DON'T KNOW WHAT GOT INTO ME.

ASK ME, I'D THINK YOU
WERE DISPLACING ANXIETY.

NO PSYCHOANALYSIS, HENRY. OKAY?

ALL RIGHT. YOU'RE RIGHT.

BESIDES, WE HAVE OTHER
THINGS TO TALK ABOUT.

PROVIDED WE DON'T DIE OF
OLD AGE GETTING TO THE POINT.

I'M JEALOUS.

I'M JEALOUS, I AM AMBITIOUS,

AND I AM AFRAID.

WELCOME TO THE HUMAN RACE, RAY.

I'M AFRAID YOU DON'T THINK I'M
GOOD ENOUGH TO BE A CAPTAIN.

DID I GIVE YOU ANY
INDICATION OF THAT?

FRANK, MY SCORES ARE HIGH.

I'M A HARD WORKER.

THE DEPARTMENT IS READY
TO PROMOTE HISPANICS.

I'M OUT OF ANSWERS,

SO I HAVE TO ASK
MYSELF IF IT'S YOU.

I'VE RECOMMENDED
YOU FOR EVERY VACANCY.

HOW STRONGLY?

FRANK, BE HONESTY WITH ME.

DO YOU BELIEVE I HAVE
LEADERSHIP ABILITY?

I THINK THERE'S NO BETTER
MAN IN THE DEPARTMENT,

NO MORE DECENT HUMAN BEING.

I THINK YOU'RE A
GIFTED ORGANIZER

AND ADMINISTRATOR.

BUT...

DO I SEE CLEAR CAPACITY
FOR LEADERSHIP?

SOMETIMES.

SOMETIMES NOT.

I SEE.

YOU FIELD 80% OF THE
PRECINCT'S BUSINESS.

YOU HAVE A BETTER
FLOW CHART IN YOUR HEAD

THAN ANY DUTY
OFFICER'S BLACKBOARD.

I'M 48 YEARS OLD.

I HAVE GOALS THAT I
WANT TO ACCOMPLISH,

AMBITIONS THAT I SET OUT WITH

WHEN I WAS 20 YEARS OLD,

WHEN I CAME HERE.

AND I APPRECIATE THAT, RAY,

BUT YOU ALSO HAVE
TO KEEP IN MIND

THAT EVEN IF YOU DON'T
REACH ALL THOSE GOALS,

IT DOESN'T MAKE
YOU LESS A PERSON.

SO SAYS THE CAPTAIN.

YOU'RE RIGHT. IT'S
EASY FOR ME TO SAY.

THANK YOU FOR
YOUR HONESTY, FRANK.

YOU'RE GIVEN ME A
LOT TO THINK ABOUT.

WELL, I HOPE YOU
HEARD EVERYTHING I SAID,

THE GOOD AS WELL.

I HEARD EVERYTHING.

LADIES, HERE IN
THE VENDING AREA,

THE OFFICERS TAKE SUSTENANCE.

IN TOWN FOR THE FULL-DRESSED
MEAL YOU MIGHT LIKE TO ENJOY.

HOW COULD I THINK THAT LONG?

GET OUT OF HERE, VIC.

DID I DIE? I THINK I DIED
AND WENT RIGHT TO HEAVEN.

HEY, I FINALLY MADE IT.

AMERICAN BANDSTAND.

♪♪

HEY, SPOTLIGHT ON RICO.

LADIES, SHALL WE
LEAVE THE AREA, PLEASE?

PLEASE.

- FAY?
- FRANK.

HOW ARE YOU?

UH...

I'M PREGNANT, FRANK.

YOU SURE?

PAUL GROGAN.

WHO ELSE?

WHAT ARE YOU GOING TO DO?

I DON'T KNOW.

YOU KNOW HOW I
FEEL ABOUT ABORTION,

AND I'M GOING TO BE
39 YEARS OLD, FRANK.

I'M PREGNANT BY A MAN

WHO WON'T EVEN TAKE
THE RESPONSIBILITY

FOR RETURNING MY PHONE CALLS,

LET ALONE SUPPORTING A CHILD.

YOU'RE ALWAYS ILLOGICAL, FRANK.

PLEASE BE LOGICAL FOR ME NOW.

I CAN'T TELL YOU
WHAT TO DO, FAY.

IF YOU ASK MY OPINION,

AND I CAN'T REALLY
SEE AN UPSIDE TO THIS.

I MEAN YOU MORAL CONVICTIONS
ABOUT ABORTION NOTWITHSTANDING,

YOU'RE ALREADY RAISING
AN EIGHT YEAR OLD

WHO'S QUITE A HANDFUL.

I KNOW.

YOU KNOW MY FINANCIAL SITUATION.

YOUR RENT AND
FRANK JR'S EXPENSES.

I GUESS YOU'D HAVE TO ASK
THE FATHER FOR SUPPORT,

AND THAT MIGHT MEAN COURT
APPEARANCES, TESTIMONY.

I KNOW.

AND THERE ARE POSSIBLE
HEALTH CONSIDERATIONS.

I KNOW, FRANK.

IT'S JUST THAT THERE'S...

THERE'S LIFE IN ME,

AND I'M SO MOVED.

IT'S AS IF PAUL HAS
NOTHING TO DO WITH IT.

I KNOW YOU THINK
I'M A FLAKE, FRANK.

STOP IT.

- BUT I RAISED YOUR SON.
- YES.

I MEAN, IS THERE ANYTHING
ABOUT HIM YOU'D HAVE DIFFERENT?

NOPE.

IT'S JUST...

AND I KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU SAY IS TRUE, BUT...

I HAVE LIFE IN ME.

YOU ASKED ME WHAT I THINK.

NO MATTER HOW IT IS BETWEEN US,

WE'RE STILL A FAMILY, YOU KNOW,

SO NO MATTER WHAT YOU
CHOOSE, I'LL STILL BE THERE,

AND I'LL DO WHATEVER I CAN.

I LOVE YOU, FRANK.

AND I ALWAYS HAVE.

AND I ALWAYS WILL.

YOUR GARDEN-LEVEL
HOLDING FACILITY,

A RECENTLY ADDED
TRANSITIONAL ACCOMMODATION

FOR OUR PRECINCT'S
ALLEGED PERPETRATORS.

HERE ON THE LEFT,

PRESENTLY IN THE
ARMS OF MORPHEUS,

IS A GENTLEMAN ARRESTED IN
AN ACUTE DELUSIONAL STATE,

DIRECTLY RESULTING
FROM HIS INGESTION

OF DANGEROUS DRUGS.

DO YOU SEE ANYTHING
GLAMOROUS IN THAT, LADIES?

HM?

ANYTHING THAT LOOKS LIKE FUN?

MR. TATUM.

HM.

YOU ALL RIGHT, YOUNG MAN?

YOU KNOW, YOUR HOLDING CELLS ARE
GETTING LIKE THE FIRING RANGE, CAPTAIN.

YOU PEOPLE HAD THE DUNLUDDY
HOMICIDE A WHILE BACK.

LAST THING I NEED RIGHT NOW

IS SOME SMART ASS FROM I.A.D.

TAKING CHEAP SHOTS
AT THIS PRECINCT.

- SORRY.
- SAVE YOUR SORRIES
AND DO YOUR JOB.

IS THIS AREA GENERALLY
LEFT UNSUPERVISED?

READ THE MANUAL.

A KHAKI OFFICER'S DOWN HERE TO
CHECK THIS FACILITY EVERY HALF HOUR.

ACCORDING TO MY INFORMATION,
THE LAST PERSON DOWN HERE

WAS OFFICER COFFEY, WHO
WAS NOT A KHAKI OFFICER.

I TOLD YOU. I WAS BRINGING
THE GUY SOME CLOTHES.

CAPTAIN, I THINK YOU'RE GOING
TO HAVE TO PUT OFFICER COFFEY

ON A DESK PENDING DISPOSITION.

MY ACCOUNTS HAD HIM CHOKING
THE MAN OUT AT THE BUST

AND MAKING A TRIP
TO SEE HIM IN HIS CELL.

- CAPTAIN...
- IS THAT IT?

FOR NOW.

UNTIL WE GET FORENSICS.

I SWEAR, CAPTAIN, I
NEVER TOUCHED THE GUY.

I GOT A WITNESS
RIGHT IN THAT CELL.

HE WAS RIGHT IN THAT CELL.

YOU'LL BE QUESTIONED.
DON'T WORRY ABOUT IT.

- YEAH, B...
- IT'S PROCEDURE, JOE.

JUST GOING TO BE A COUPLE DAYS.

I DON'T BELIEVE THIS.

HI, FRANK.

I'M DEAD. GUY'S GOING TO
CONVICT ME OF THE KOREAN WAR.

WALLY.

I UNDERSTAND ONE OF
YOUR BOYS CHOKED TO DEATH.

WELL, THAT'S
SPECULATIVE AT BEST.

NOW, LISTEN, FRANK.

I OWE YOU ONE.

YOU JUST TELL ME
HOW YOU WANT IT.

I WANT IT BY THE NUMBERS,
CORONER NYDORF.

HUH. SURE.

I JUST...

OF COURSE. LET'S
SEE WHAT WE GOT.

EITHER ONE OF THE BRAWLS
COULD'VE KILLED TATUM, FRANK,

BUT I DON'T BUY IT.

THE TIME FAME'S ALL WRONG.

SOME KIND OF PHYSIOLOGICAL
REACTION TO THE PCP

COULD'VE DONE IT,

BUT AGAIN THERE'S
THE TIME FACTOR.

TATUM WAS COMING DOWN.

THE DRUG WAS DISSIPATED.

NO, WHATEVER KILLED LYNN TATUM

OCCURRED WHILE HE WAS
INSIDE THE CELL, FRANK.

I'M CONVINCED OF IT.

NOW, I GOT A THEORY,

ONE THAT'S NOT CONTRADICTED
BY CIRCUMSTANCES.

GET IN THE CELL, FRANK.
JUST GET IN THE CELL.

NOW, COME ON OVER HERE
BY THE BARS OVER HERE.

RIGHT OVER HERE.

THAT'S RIGHT. NOW,
TURN AROUND, LIKE THAT.

THAT'S GOOD.

NOW, SEE, WITH MY LEFT
ARM LIKE THIS, FRANK,

YOU'D NEVER SHOW BAR BURNS
TO THE BACK OF TATUM'S HEAD.

OKAY?

NOW, I LET YOU GO,

AND YOU FALL.

TELL ME WHAT YOU
THINK HAPPENED, WALLY.

WILL YOU JUST FALL, FRANK?

YOU SEE? YOU SEE WHERE
YOUR HONKER'S HEADED, FRANK?

RIGHT SPLAT IN THE CEMENT.

YOU FALL LIKE THAT
IN A DEAD FAINT,

YOU BUY YOURSELF A TRAUMA RIGHT
UP HERE IN THE BRIDGE OF THE NOSE.

TATUM HAD A COLLECTION
OF BLOOD OF THERE, FRANK.

IT HAD BOWED,

AND THERE WERE BRUISE MARKS
ON THE FRONTAL PLANES OF THE FACE.

HE MUST'VE BEEN HIT 30 TIMES

IN THE COURSE OF TWO MAJOR
STRUGGLES WITH OFFICERS

AND SURELY HAD TO
BE HIT IN THE NOSE.

TIME FRAME, FRANK.

THE TIME.

THE WAY THE BLOOD CLOTTED

THAT HE WAS LYING MOTIONLESS
WITHIN MINUTES OF THE INJURY.

SO HE FALLS HERE.

AND THEN PROBABLY
A FEW MINUTES LATER,

IN A HALF CONSCIOUS STATE

CONSISTENT WITH THE
TRACHEA DAMAGE OBSERVED,

HE STUMBLES OVER TO HIS COT

WHERE HE FAILS TO
REGAIN CONSCIOUSNESS...

AND SUFFOCATES

BY REASON OF A FRACTURED LARYNX.

HE WAS SUBDUED BY A CHOKE
HOLD DURING THE INITIAL ARREST.

COULDN'T THE INJURY
HAVE OCCURRED THEN?

FROM WHAT I HEAR,

HE WAS YELLING HIS LUNGS OUT

FOR NEARLY AN HOUR AFTER
THEY DRAGGED HIM IN HERE, FRANK.

WITH A FRACTURE LIKE THAT,

THE VOCAL CORDS ARE SHOT,

15, 20 MINUTES.

FIND ANY BLOOD ON THE FLOOR?

PATIENCE, FRANK. PATIENCE.

WE'LL BE DOWN HERE WITH
OUR TONGUES ON THE CEMENT.

COULDN'T COFFEY...

YES, COFFEY COULD'VE KILLED HIM,

BUT IT COULD'VE BEEN THE
GUY IN THE NEXT CELL, FRANK.

NOW, I TOOK THE LIBERTY OF
ASKING A COUPLE OF QUESTIONS,

AND FROM WHAT I HEAR,

LYNN TATUM'S NEIGHBOR

WASN'T EXACTLY AN
ADVOCATE OF BETTER RELATIONS

AMONG THE RACES.

THE TWO GUYS HAD SOME WORDS.

SO TO MY MIND,

GIVEN WHAT YOU
SAID ABOUT COFFEY,

I'D AT LEAST PICK THIS GUY UP

AND ASK HIM A FEW QUESTIONS.

WE'RE LOOKING FOR HIM RIGHT NOW.

THANKS, WALLY.

THANK YOU.

HEY, FRANK.

SO WHAT DO YOU THINK?

YOUNG SHERLOCK HOLMES OR WHAT?

YOUR HONOR, MY CLIENTS INFORM ME

THEY MIGHT BE WILLING TO DO A
CERTAIN AMOUNT OF LOCAL TIME

IN THIS MATTER,
SAY TILL MID MAY,

IF THEY COULD BE ASSURED
OF BEING CELL MATES.

THAT'S VERY GENEROUS OF THEM

TO SET SO FEW
CONDITIONS, MR. MANCUSO.

NOW, COUNSEL PLEASE APPROACH.

DETECTIVE, YOU AS WELL.

YOUR HONOR, THE PEOPLE ARE NOT
UNAWARE OF THE AGE OF THE DEFENDANTS,

BUT THIS WAS AN ARMED
ROBBERY WITH A GUN.

UNLOADED GUN.

DETECTIVE,

WHAT'S YOUR IMPRESSION OF
THESE THESE TWO OLD COATS?

THEY SEEM TO BE NICE ENOUGH
GUYS TO ME, YOUR HONOR.

THEY'RE A LITTLE SHORT OF DOUGH
LIKE A LOT OF PEOPLE THESE DAYS,

AND IT'S NONE OF MY BUSINESS,

BUT THEY'RE BOTH SICK.

ONE OF THEM HAS DIABETES.

I'M AWARE OF IT, DETECTIVE.

IT'S ON MY PAPERS HERE.

MR. ALVAREZ,

I'M NOT ABOUT TO HAND
THESE MEN LIFE SENTENCES.

WE'RE TALKING
ABOUT 18 MONTHS MAX.

WITH THESE GUYS,
THAT IS A LIFE SENTENCE.

YOUR HONOR, IF YOU'RE
INTENDING TO DISMISS,

THE PEOPLE WILL HAVE
TO STRENUOUSLY OBJECT.

BE MY GUEST, MR. ALVAREZ,

BECAUSE THAT'S EXACTLY
WHAT I'M GOING TO DO.

STEP BACK.

GENTLEMEN,

YOU COME BACK BEFORE ME AGAIN

ON A CRIME AS HEINOUS AS THIS,

I'LL SEE THAT YOU GET 12 YEARS

OF PEACE

IN SEPARATE CELLS,

IN DIFFERENT PRISONS.

YOU'LL DIE 500 MILES APART.

CASE IS ADJOURNED.

CONTEMPLATION OF DISMISSAL.

STEP OUT.

WHERE DO WE GET OUR STUFF AT?

PROPERTY CLERK. SECOND FLOOR.

DOCKET NUMBER Z637452-458,

VIC... VIC HITLER?

HOW YOU DOING?

I SEE YOUR OCCUPATION'S
COMEDIAN, MR. HITLER.

BET YOU'RE A
MILLION LAUGHS, HUH?

YOUR HONOR.

YOUR HONOR,
DETECTIVE JOHN LaRUE,

HILL STREET STATION.

I JUST WANT TO BE A CHARACTER
WITNESS FOR MR. HITLER.

HEY, SONNY,

YOU KNOW THEY WOULDN'T
GIVE US OUR GUN BACK?

- YOUR GUN?
- YEAH.

WHAT ARE YOU TALKING
ABOUT, YOU HAIRBALL?

YOU HAVE ANY IDEA THE KIND
OF BREAKS YOU GUYS GOT TODAY?

YOU GOT A REVOLVING-DOOR JUDGE,

YOU GOT A GOOD WORD FROM
ME, AND YOU GOT REAL, REAL LUCKY

WHEN THE GUY IN THE SUPERMARKET
DIDN'T HAVE A SHOTGUN UNDER THE COUNTER.

YOU GOTTA KEEP YOUR NOSES CLEAN.

DO YOU HEAR ME?

PULL A STUNT LIKE THIS
AGAIN, AND LIKE THE JUDGE SAID,

YOU'RE GOING TO JAIL,
AND IF YOU GO TO JAIL,

YOU AIN'T GONNA SEE
EACH OTHER ANYMORE.

YEAH, WE KNOW THAT.

THINK WE DON'T KNOW THAT?

WELL, THEN...

YOU CAN'T MAKE
US DIG. THAT'S ALL.

WON'T DO NO MORE
DIGGING, NEITHER ONE OF US.

WON'T EAT NO MORE
DOG FOOD NEITHER.

TOO OLD TO EAT DOG FOOD.

COME ON, FRED.

MR. HITLER,

ARE YOU CAPABLE AT THIS TIME

OF PAYING ALL OR PART OF
THE MONEY YOU OWE THIS STATE?

DREAM ON, YOUR HONOR.

I'M SO TAPPED THAT MY
BANKER CAME TO MY APARTMENT

AND DEMANDED HIS CALENDAR BACK.

BAILIFF.

SET A HEARING DATE

FOR THE PURPOSE OF
CONSTRUCTING A SCHEDULE

BY WHICH MR. HITLER

WILL BE ABLE TO
MEET HIS OBLIGATIONS.

IT ISN'T THE INTENT
OF THIS COURT

TO PREVENT PARKING VIOLATORS

FROM PRACTICING THEIR TRADE,

REGARDLESS OF THEIR SURNAMES.

YOUR HONOR, THANK YOU
SINCERELY AND DEEPLY.

YOU'RE A BEAUTIFUL PERSON,

LIKE DETECTIVE LaRUE HERE.

I DON'T KNOW IF YOU
LIKE JOKES, YOUR HONOR...

YEAH, UH, VIC, HUH?

YOU'RE RIGHT. COME ON.

THIS GUY'S THE TYPE OF MAN...

THAT'S TRUE. YOU'RE
A BEAUTIFUL PERSON.

YOU ARE.

YOU KNOW WHAT I'M GOING TO DO?

I HAVE AN UNCLE IN
THE GRAVEL BUSINESS.

I'M GOING TO CALL HIM TOMORROW.

WE'RE GOING TO GET THE LAWYER.

EVERYTHING'S GOING TO BE FINE.

YOU KNOW, WHATEVER HAPPENED
DOWN THERE IN THE CELL,

YOU CAN TELL ME IF YOU WANT.

SEE, I DON'T HAVE A WORD TO ADD,

NOT ONE WORD.

THOSE TWO OLD GUYS WERE JUST...

THEY WEREN'T YOUR FATHER, MICK.

YOUR FATHER'S GOT YOU. YOUR
FATHER'S GOT YOUR MOM AND YOUR SISTER.

DOESN'T MATTER.

GET OLD, PEOPLE PUSH YOU OFF.

THEY PUT YOU IN A HOME.

COME ON.

HEY, YOU KNOW SOMETHING?

LET'S GO SEE YOUR OLD MAN.

WHEN, RIGHT NOW?

YEAH, SURE, WHY NOT?

I WAS JUST THERE THIS AFTERNOON.

YEAH, BUT WE COULD GO TOGETHER.

I'D LIKE TO MEET YOUR FATHER.

YOU WOULD, REALLY?

REALLY. I REALLY WOULD.

I'M NOT KIDDING.

WHAT ABOUT THIS MORNING.

OH, FORGET ABOUT
IT. IT'S HISTORY.

WE'RE IN THIS THING
TOGETHER, MICK.

LET'S GO.

OUR TABLE WILL BE
READY IN A FEW MINUTES.

WHERE'S CLARK? DID HE GO BACK?

HE'S STAYING AT THE
MARQUIS TONIGHT.

HE'S GOT SOME BUSINESS
IN TOWN TOMORROW.

- UH...
- HE OFFERED ME THE JOB.

COULD I HAVE SOME
WATER WITH LEMON IN IT?

CAN WE SIT OVER THERE?

YOU GOING TO TAKE IT?

I HAVEN'T DECIDED YET.

THANK YOU.

DON'T LOOK AT ME LIKE THAT,

LIKE I'M SOME KIND OF CRIMINAL.

IT'S NOT THAT EASY, FRANK.

YOU'D BE LEAVING MY LIFE.

YOU KEEP SAYING
THAT, BUT LISTEN TO ME.

EVEN IF I TAKE IT,

I'D... I'D SEE YOU EVER WEEK.

PLUS TWICE A MONTH
I'D BE HERE ON BUSINESS.

THEN MAYBE AFTER 12, 18 MONTHS,

I'D REASSESS.

WITH A JUSTICE DEPARTMENT
ANTITRUST BACKGROUND,

THERE'D BE ALL
FIRMS IN THIS TOWN

OFFERING ME 70,000 TO START.

IT WOULD OFFER US A WHOLE
DIFFERENT KIND OF SECURITY.

MAYBE.

SOMEHOW WHEN I PUT ALL
THOSE JOKES TOGETHER,

IT ALL COMES OUT DIFFERENTLY.

YOU GO DOWN TO WASHINGTON,
AND YOU WORK OF CLARK.

SUDDENLY YOU REALIZE
WHAT'S REALLY ON HIS MIND.

HE'S IN LOVE WITH YOU.

HE'S RICH AND UNENCUMBERED.

WELL, WE DON'T JUST
HAVE TO TALK ABOUT CLARK.

WASHINGTON'S FILLED
WITH EXCITING MEN,

EXCITING JOBS.

COME HOME A COUPLE OF WEEKENDS.

HERE'S GOOD OLD FRANK FURILLO

IN HIS SLIGHTLY SHINY SUIT.

YOU DON'T WEAR
SHINY SUITS, FRANK.

DID YOU TELL HIM YOU
HAVE A BOYFRIEND?

YES.

DID YOU SAY, "HE'S A COP" OR
"HE WORKS IN LAW ENFORCEMENT"?

FRANK, YOU'RE BEING
VERY MEAN RIGHT NOW.

NO, I'M NOT. I'M JUST REFUSING
TO BURY MY HEAD IN THE SAND.

I WON'T LIE TO YOU.

EVERYTHING YOU SAY COULD HAPPEN.

MAYBE IT WOULD BE THE END OF US,

BUT LET ME GIVE YOU
ANOTHER SCENARIO.

YOU BULLY ME INTO
TURNING DOWN THIS JOB,

AND THEN I RESENT
YOU FOR IT FOREVER.

I'LL LOVE YOU NO MATTER
WHAT YOU DECIDE, JOYCE.

WHAT YOU'RE
SAYING IS I CAN'T WIN.

WOULD YOU MIND VERY MUCH

IF WE WERE APART TONIGHT?

I HAVE TO GIVE CLARK A DECISION.

THERE'S JUST SO MUCH, FRANK.

I WANT TO GO HOME,

TAKE A BATH, WRESTLE WITH IT.

WRESTLE ALONE?