Hill Street Blues (1981–1987): Season 3, Episode 14 - Moon Over Uranus - full transcript

Item 12. Kudos and
felicitations due this a.m...

to three of Hill
Street's very finest,

winners in what we old-timers
used to call the Irish Sweepstakes,

i.e., the semiannual
promotions list.

You will henceforth
marshal newfound respect...

for Sergeant Michael North,
promoted from patrolman.

Night Sergeant Wallace Peterson,

and Lieutenant, formerly
Sergeant, Henry Goldblume.

Item 13, Operation Big Broom enters
a second planning stage this morning...

when Chief Daniels makes a walking
tour of Dekker from a 130th to 135th.

If you'll recall,
Mayor D'Angelo...



visited this choice patch
of "Hill-dom" two days ago...

and declared it "the worst
damn block in the city."

The Chief's job will be to determine
which of the five blocks His Honor meant...

Whereupon each of us, starting
tomorrow under Lieutenant Howard Hunter,

will commence
massive defoliation...

Yes, people, it is
an election year.

Backups this a.m.: Bates, Coffey,
Regan, Phillips, Ballentine, Brewster.

Item 14 is a cautionary tale
concerning last evening's full moon.

Or rather a pale and reportedly
pock-marked imitation thereof...

which appeared on a
front yard in Pittsfield

shortly after the 1:00
a.m. conclusion...

of Officer Mel Sandowski's
bachelor soiree.

Shocked to see the famed...

celestial provocateur
in such exotic close-up,



a Mrs. Friedkin from across the
street called the County Sheriff's office,

which proceeded to arrest Hill
Street's own planetary adventurer,

Andrew J. Renko, on
charges of public exposure.

You want to see it again?
You want to see it again?

- Could everybody shut
up and leave me alone?
- Come on, Andrew, sit down.

We've seen it.

After several phone
calls, Captain Furillo...

reluctantly admitted ownership
of the officer gone amok,

and he was released O.R.

The charge was
subsequently dropped.

Not as precipitously as the
pants, but nonetheless dropped.

End of cautionary tale.

Item last, on a
more somber note.

Midtown Lieutenant Jack
Donleavy's daughter Kathleen...

was raped and knifed
shortly after 2:00 a.m...

in the parking lot of Mercy
Hospital, where she's a nurse.

A rather sketchy
description, a large Caucasian

male with light
brown hair is about it.

But forensics match the
Valdez rape-homicide...

and the Pellegrini
rape-assault of last week.

Now Donleavy's put 28
years into this department,

and as far as I know
he's universally beloved.

His wife died three years
ago and this is his only kid...

So let's put a star
next to this one, huh?

All right, that's it. Let's roll,
and let's be careful out there.

It was not an obscene gesture.

It was a friendly gesture directed at my
friend Mel Sandowski on his departure.

And the authorities... Renko?

Yes, sir. My office.

I hear you like motorcycles.
Yes sir, I got a big hog at home.

Good. And fresh air?

Motor patrol, captain?

You're gonna put me out there
on a Harley with the big boys?

Close. Two wheels. But I
was thinking more of a Vespa.

That's a scooter, captain.
Scooters are for women.

No, it's not for women, Renko.
It's for issuing parking tickets.

You write up a book of these a
day, 20 a month, and then we'll talk.

Captain, sir, don't you think you
might be overreacting just a little bit?

Overreacting? I'm in
perfectly good humor.

I'm always in good
humor when the Sheriff's

Department phones me
at 1:30 in the morning.

I'm always in good humor when
one of my men demeans the badge.

That's all, Renko. Yes, sir.

- Sir, what about Bobby Hill?
- He'll be temporarily
assigned with Tataglia.

Good day, Officer.

Dispatch. We have a 9-11.

Armed robbery in progress.

See surplus store, corner
People's Drive, 124th Street.

Can I see you a minute,
Frank? Yeah. Come on in, Jack.

How you doing? Good as
can be expected, I guess.

The latest on
Kathleen sounds better.

We're all grateful she
seems to be out of danger.

What've you got on this one,
Frank? You know the book, Jack.

You're family of the victim.
I can't... Please, Frank.

You gotta let me in here.

I know what happens after 12
hours, after a day or two goes by.

I'm not gonna let that happen this
time. Eight men on the case full-time.

It's absolutely top priority. I'm
sorry. I hope you'll understand.

She's my only, Frank.

I see her in there
with all those tubes...

We'll get him, Jack.
All smashed up.

Now, you got a kid of your
own, Frank. What would you do?

Frank... Oh, excuse me.

Chief Daniels is waiting for
you and Howard in his car.

I have to go. Please,
give us room to work.

Ray, you want to copy the
4-17s, and all the pink sheets,

and then get phone numbers where he can
be reached... You'll be at the hospital?

I just want to catch
that animal, you know?

That's what I feel inside.

I want to catch
him, and I wanna...

Oh, Kathleen... We'll give
it our all, and we'll get him.

On this single block alone, you figure
a drug transaction every seven minutes,

felonious violence
40 times a week,

have eight or ten major
brand names of heroin...

openly available
for the asking...

One of the popular ones
is named the Chief, Chief.

You know Forbes, you hear stats
like that, the weight feels good.

Sir?

I'm packing the old S
& W .38 today, Howard.

Sir! It's nice to have
you come around.

Ah, here is 1737 Dekker.

Now, this is locally known
as the Black Hole of the Hill.

It's the worst shooting
gallery in the city, Chief,

open for your inspection.

I had a few of the EATers do a
little carpet sweeping an hour ago.

I'd kind of like to have a little
look-see. How 'bout you, Forbes?

Coming.

Well, what do you
think, old sport?

Is the Chief about to approve the
most massive inner-city housecleaning...

since we put it to those geeks in
Haiphong Harbor or am I Herbert Hoover?

Nice imagery, Howard.
Oh, come on, Frank.

Give an old EATer a break. This
could be my shot at a captaincy.

All Units! All Units! Report!
Have you been fired on?

What the hell's going
on? Who's all right!

The Chief got bit by a rat.

He must've stuck his hand in a
nest or somethin'. He was cool.

He got off six rounds with
his own revolver. Just a nick!

Nothing to worry about.

I think I winged the little
bugger in the left haunch there.

There were drops of blood.
You definitely scored a hit, sir.

Yeah. Just a nick,
Chief. But "just a nick"...

raises a specter of
rat fever, plague...

I want this building sealed off.

I want Animal Control notified.

I want ten of our own men to
assist. I want that rat found...

and delivered to the
Department of Health for testing.

Chief, there are probably a thousand
rodents... Oh, damn it, Howard!

I told you that I put a
.38 into his hindquarters.

If that's not a cross painted on his back,
I don't... We'll get right on it, Chief.

Come on, you
gotta be kidding me.

Benedetto, Division Vice. Uh...

I'm sorry there, Detective
Benedetto, but I woulda trashed this...

if you woulda showed
up two minutes ago.

But as it is, I've been writing it, so
I'm afraid I have to be responsible for it.

What, are you makin' me laugh? I
get 50 of these taken care of a year.

Well, then take care of it.

I guess I could get you
for littering now, couldn't I?

You know what you are?
You're a fat punk on a scooter.

Looks like you have an
equipment problem there, brother.

So do you.

Well, my friend...
Come on, right here.

I'm gonna kick your
butt right in your uniform.

I'll tell you what. I got
a job to finish today.

If you want a piece of me, I'll
be at Mulligan's after 6:00 tonight.

I know Pete's death
was pretty rough on you.

You ever thought
about quitting or leaving?

I worked too hard to get here. I never
kidded myself about what this job could be.

Then it happened,
and it was rotten luck.

Hey, look at that.

That's pretty obvious.

Okay.

I'll write this one up.

- License and registration.
- It's my uncle's car.

- I don't know why he...
- Bobby, he's got a gun!

Hold it right there!

It ain't my car.
It ain't my gun.

Just get out the car,
slowly now. I swear.

It ain't my gun. I
swear. Come on.

Go ask my uncle, John
Rovere, he's got a permit.

What're you doin'?

"Kathleen Donleavy." All right, pal,
you got some explaining to do here.

You could just stick a fork in
me now, Jack, 'cause I'm done.

- Hi.
- Hi.

Nancy McCoy,
Office of Corrections.

I was told that you're
holding Leonard Smithers.

Captain Furillo. Uh, yes.

He hasn't exactly been a model of
cooperation. I could use your help.

I heard you got somebody!
No. No suspects yet, Jack.

Somebody who had my daughter's
card! Let me see him, let me talk to him.

It's being handled. You'll
get everything as it comes in.

Damn it, Frank, she's my kid!
Gimme two minutes with him.

No, Jack. I've got it.

You have my complete sympathy
for everything that's happened,

but you can't do anything here
but hinder us and hurt yourself.

Get him, Frank.

How much do you know
about the Donleavy situation?

I know about Smithers and
Kathleen Donleavy's credit card.

He won't tell us where he got it.
Maybe we should go talk to him.

Sergeant Goldblume? Lieutenant
Goldblume. What can I do for ya?

Well, the man at the desk
said I should talk to you.

I want you to arrest this guy I
know. Why, what's he done?

He killed my cat. It's against the
law to kill somebody's cat, isn't it?

Yeah, it is.

Did you actually see him do it?

I know it's him. He used
to be my boyfriend. Okay.

What's your name and
address, miss? Mary Hicks.

I live at 41... Wait
a minute. Yeah?

41 Dekker. I'm a waitress.
And your boyfriend?

He used to be my boyfriend.

I only knew him for a couple of
weeks and he started acting crazy.

I couldn't talk to anybody
without him calling me a tramp.

So I told him I didn't want to see him
anymore, but he won't leave me alone.

His name? Richard Brady.

He's a mechanic at
Solly's Automotive Service.

Mary, I don't think there's
anything we can do about your cat,

not if there weren't
any witnesses.

Could've been struck by a car.
He left it hanging in front of my door.

He wanted to make
sure that I saw it.

He follows me home
from night school.

He calls me up in
the middle of the night.

He says that I'm his
girl, no matter what.

I think he wants to kill me.

Has he ever assaulted you or
forced his way into your home?

Or made any kind of threat? Well,
he grabbed me once by the arm.

But he's never physically hurt
you, or said he's gonna kill you?

No. Okay.

Mary, I'm gonna be assigning
you what we call a case number.

Now, if Mr. Brady ever
makes any kind of overt threat,

I want you to call the police
dispatcher... the number's right there,

and you'll get immediate
assistance. That's it?

I wish there was more that we
could do, but from what you've told me,

he hasn't broken any laws...
Nothing we can arrest him for.

But what about me? What do I do?

Change your phone
number, the lock on your door.

You can move. But I
haven't done anything wrong!

Why can't you just tell
him to leave me alone?

Mary, unless he
actually... He killed my cat!

I'm sorry. It... There's
nothing I can do.

You want to tell me about
the young lady's credit card?

I found it, uh... In a alley.

You know something, Smitty?

You're about the best parolee
I've had in a very long time.

Yeah? Mmm-hmm.

You keep your appointments,
and you do very good in your job.

In fact, I was gonna
recommend to the Board

that we cut you back
to one visit a month.

You're okay, Miss M. Yeah.

It'd be a shame if you
had to go back to prison.

But I didn't do nothin'! That was
my uncle's gun. It was his car!

Smitty, nobody cares
about the car or the gun.

A cop's daughter was raped.

They know I had nothin' to
do with that. You had her card.

And you're withholding
information on where you got it.

Now they can make you a part
of that. I got a lawyer coming.

You can't do this to me.

Lawyers don't figure in this.

Smitty, if you want
to help yourself,

you've got to help these
men find the man who did it.

Otherwise, it's back
to prison in ten days.

Maybe I could get hurt if I said
something. Nobody's going to know.

- Isn't that right, Captain?
- That's right.

Okay. Okay. It-It
was Martin White.

I got the card
from Martin White.

Move him into Holding.

Ray, pull the file
on a Martin White.

Put his photo together
with four or five others.

Take them down to Kathleen Donleavy
at the hospital. I want a photo I.D.

All right, Frank.

Do you think you can get Smitty
released as soon as possible?

He's just a
sweetie. I'll see to it.

You, uh...

You do good work, Miss
McCoy. Feeling is mutual, Captain.

If you ever have trouble with one
of my boys again, just give me a call.

I'm in the book.

Coffey, Bates. Your
presence is requested...

to assist in a public disturbance
call at 714 North Park.

Possible weapons discharged.

I don't know, the guy's always been
so nice, but I swear it was a gunshot.

He's right here.

Oh, there's two of
you. Good. Mr. Petrakis.

We're from the Police
Department. Yes, I know.

Has it started yet?
Has what started?

Chaos. Chaos in the streets.

See, I've been monitoring
all morning on the shortwave,

and all I could get is a
food riot in Botswana.

Mr. Petrakis, we're gonna have to
come in and look at the premises.

I knew they'd listen
to me sooner or later.

Okay.

Listen, I can only open
the door for twenty seconds.

Not a fraction longer. So, you're gonna
have to slip in as fast as you can, okay?

Yeah, yeah. Okay.

All right. Quick!
Quick! Come on.

All right. Huh?

Okay, what do you think?

We got our discharge
right here, huh?

Oh, yes. You see, that
was the nine millimeter.

It went off, you know,
while I was cleaning it.

Uh, see, look, it didn't
even dent the wall. Look.

Oh, yeah... Did you know...

Did you know that I can make seven
pair of shoes out of that old whitewall?

Bet you never
thought of that, huh?

And look, see, ultra-violet rays. The body
can't manufacture Vitamin D without it.

I can go... I can go months
without seeing the sun.

Oh, and I put in air
vents just last week.

They're up on the roof,
disguised as badminton poles.

Badminton poles, pretty good.

You mind telling me what
the hell you're talking about?

I mean, what is
all this stuff? What?

What do you mean? You mean,
you're not here about my report?

You see, I sent it to all
the precincts in the city.

I sent diagrams, maps,
contingency plans...

Well, good Lord, man, society is
strangling on its own internal poisons!

I mean, the whole shuddering
mess is getting ready to fall at our feet!

And the only ones who are gonna
survive are those who have planned for it.

Okay? Me. Joe,
he's got dynamite.

Of course I have dynamite! How
do you expect me to defend myself...

with 14 firearms and 3,000 rounds
of ammo? You are under arrest.

What? Possession of illegal
firearms and explosives.

I don't understand
that! No, no, no. Listen.

I'm trying to help you
people by example.

See? Okay. Keep
your hands up there.

Okay. Listen, I've thought of
everything. I thought of defense, mobility,

uh, communication, uh,
entertainment, sanitation...

All right, look over there. See? I
have a 15-megawatt generator,

I have $10,000 in gold
sovereigns, and look, look, see?

Look.

I have... I have Encyclopedia Britannica,
a complete set, with the yearbooks.

Now, I've even devised a
plan to repopulate society...

by propagating myself
to the power of ten!

Okay? Oh yeah? How?

Uh, Joe, I think
I know how. Yes.

I'm only lacking one thing.
I need 50 good women.

Don't we all. Yeah.

Mrs. Baker, please
come to Admitting.

What do you want? Officers
Hill and Tataglia, Lt. Donleavy.

We're working the investigation.
We'd like to talk with your daughter.

Why? What've you got?

If we could just have a
moment with her, sir...

You mean without
the old man around.

Well, maybe she
doesn't want me to leave.

Maybe I'm gonna stay
whether you like it or not.

Daddy. Daddy, it's okay.

All right, baby. If
you say it's okay.

I'm gonna be right outside,
if you need me. Okay.

You'll come back
when they're done?

You bet. Don't let
'em wear you down.

Go easy on her.

Kathleen, I have five
pictures to show you.

They're of different men.

If you see the man who hurt you,
I want you to point to him, okay?

Oh, God!

Kathleen, if you could
look at all the pictures.

I saw him.

It was the fourth one.

Please, if you
could point to him.

Oh, God!

It's all right, baby. Your
daddy's here. Daddy...

Your daddy's here.
Your daddy's here.

It's all right, it's all right,
it's all right, that's all right.

She got him, didn't
she? She got him.

It's okay. It's okay.

In your urban areas you
got two basic types of vermin:

you got your Norway
rats, you got your wharf rat.

Those are the
plague-carryin', baby-bitin',

basement-inhabitin' type of rats which
we happen to be trappin' right here.

Farley's wife makes
the bait in her kitchen.

Wilma. Yeah, she does.

Yeah, she does. Popcorn,
Cheez Whiz and peanut butter.

They just can't
get enough of it.

There's two more, Farley.

- There's two more!
- Didn't I tell you?

Yeah, but look, you figure
this is gonna take long, Farley?

Well, now, that's hard to say.

A day, maybe two, maybe
a week, maybe never.

You know, I had this rat
once, as big as a hedgehog.

He was bitin' some
residents of a flophouse...

over on 110th back in, uh, '62.

Big sucker!

I nicknamed him,
"Bohannon, the boss rat".

Hey, Farley...

Damn, Toby, I'm trying to
tell them about Bohannon.

But we're all out
of traps, Farley.

Well, why don't we go to
the truck and get some, Toby?

That's a good idea, Farley.

You guys just hold the fort here,
while me and Toby go to the truck.

Come on, Toby. You know,
you're embarrassing, Toby.

Y'know, I got three
years of college, Neal.

I got two medals of valor,
three citations for bravery,

and after twelve years of
dedicated service to my community,

where do I find myself
at the ripe old age of 36?

I'm in some stinkin'
ghetto boiler room...

chaperoning the Captain Ahab of the
rat kingdom and his retarded first mate.

Man... Man, did you know
that F. Scott Fitzgerald...

wrote The Great Gatsby
by the time he was 29?

Oh man. I remember this
big fat, ugly rat grinnin' at me...

through the slats of my crib
when I was about two years old.

Ooh, man, I can't
handle this, J.D.

Man, do you think this could
really take a whole week?

Oh, man. Ten million rodents
in the big Naked City, man.

Hell, trying to find one particular rat
with a .38 slug in his hindquarters...

That may take a
month, and then some.

Take it easy, man. It's
over here. Go... Go see.

I'm goin', I'm goin'. Come on.

Ugh! Eww, man,
that's disgusting.

Man, that sucker's gotta weigh
at least four pounds if an ounce.

Hey, man... Neal...

What would you say if I told you
that that's the bucker that got Daniels?

Hey, man, I'd say you
was daydreaming, babe.

I mean, that dude is clean
in the hindquarters. See?

- Yeah.
- Yeah, he is.

Look again, man. Yeah.

Frank, I know you're busy, so
I'll make this fast and to the point.

It's about Frank Jr.

Well, he came home early
from school Tuesday and...

he kinda caught me au
naturel, if you know what I mean.

Fay, you're his mother. It's not
the first time he's seen you like that.

It's the first time he's seen
me like that with a naked judge.

Paul Grogan? No,
Sandra Day O'Connor.

Of course it was Paul. We
didn't expect him for three hours.

But it seems that the furnace blew up at
school and they sent the kids home early.

And, uh, when he
heard me screaming,

he must have thought I was being
attacked by a burglar or something and...

You were screaming? And
he got that boomerang...

that you gave him for
Christmas out of his toy box...

and then he came
running into the bedroom.

God, Frank, you should've seen the look
on his little face when he saw it was Paul.

Well, darn it!

Paul was having his rug shampooed
and hotels are so expensive and...

Well, how was I to know that
damn furnace would blow up?

As I recall, Fay,
you ranted at me...

for a full week last year
for a similar transgression.

That was different. Don't
you start with me, buster!

You have absolutely no idea how
difficult it is for a divorced mother...

to have a normal
sexual relationship.

What with tucking
them in at night, and

getting them off to
school in the morning...

and juggling babysitters...

You want me to
have a talk with him?

I don't think he's
in any mood to talk.

I left over eight
messages on his answering

service and he hasn't
returned one of them.

Frank Jr. doesn't have
an answering service, Fay.

I meant Paul!

You see, after Frank Jr.
Hit him with the boomerang,

he locked himself
in the bathroom.

And Paul and I had a rather
heated discussion on child rearing.

He's cut me out
of his life, Frank.

I'll tell you what. I'll have a talk with
Frank Jr., you take care of His Honor.

How? I can't even
get him on the phone.

Well, can your insurance rates
handle another traffic court appearance?

Just kidding. Uh...

- Yeah, Furillo.
- Mm-hmm.

Uh, hold on a minute. Fay, I
really have a lot of work to do here.

I'm sure you'll
think of something.

Hey, Mick. Got an address
on the rape suspect.

Here. Take Tataglia,
Coffey, Bates, Hill,

uh, as backups, huh?

Lieutenant Goldblume.

He was waiting for
me when I got home...

and he stopped me
on the street, and...

That's when he
showed me the knife.

It was like a hunting knife.

Did he pull out the blade, Mary?

Did he take the knife
out of the sheath?

No, not really.

I mean, he didn't actually...

He just held it in front of me,
really weird, like, and started talking.

He said that he bought
it especially for me...

and how sharp it was, and how he was
gonna give it to me sometime as a present.

And he just stared
at me the whole time,

kinda smiling, and said that
it was gonna be a surprise.

He's gotta be locked
up, Lieutenant! Please!

I mean, he wants
to kill me! I know it!

Mary, the D.A. would
throw it out in two minutes.

He'd be out on the street in
five, even angrier than he is now.

And I know you don't want that.

What can you do?

I can have a talk with him.
You want me to talk to him?

Just where'd you get
your dang license, lady,

at the bottom of some
box of crunchy granola?

Oh, hello there, Mrs. Furillo.

Come on, come on, come on. Are
you gonna give me a ticket or what?

- No, ma'am. I am not.
- Why not?

Oh, I've had enough problems
with your ex-husband today.

Now see, I'm sorta
on his list this week,

so if it's all the same
to you, I'll just consider...

that light that you
ran to still be amber.

It was red, Renko!

I made an illegal
left-hand turn between

4:00 and 7:00, and I
made an illegal U-turn.

Now, come on, give me
the ticket. You want a ticket?

Yes!

Ma'am, may I ask you why it
is that you would want a ticket?

Because I want to
go to court to fight it.

You want to go
to court and fight it.

Yes.

Well, how 'bout if I
don't give you a ticket?

Then you don't have to
go to court and fight nothin'.

Listen, mister. I
got a 5:00 manicure.

So you just start
writin' that ticket.

Richard Brady? Yeah?

Lieutenant Henry
Goldblume. Hill Street.

Boy, one unpaid parking ticket,
you guys send out the big guns.

I'm afraid it's a bit more
serious than that, son.

I'd like to talk with
you about Mary Hicks.

What about her?
Is she all right?

Well, actually, she's
presently upset, Richard.

She's filed a complaint
about you. About me?

I should've guessed.

You know, Lieutenant, some girls
really don't know how to handle rejection.

I moved out on her
about two weeks ago?

And ever since then, she's
made life a living hell for me.

She's been calling me up at work, at
home, even in the middle of the night.

According to Miss Hicks, it was
she who asked you to move out.

According to Miss Hicks,
you were harassing her.

Lemme tell you
something, Lieutenant.

Mary's a really
nice girl, I mean that.

She's got some
really fine qualities.

But telling the truth
ain't one of 'em.

She said you stopped her in
front of her house this afternoon...

and threatened her
with a hunting knife.

And you believed that garbage?

You want to know the truth? I stopped
by her place for about two minutes...

to pick up this
lousy light over here.

And when she started getting
all weird with me, I-I split.

I'm telling you, man, the
girl's a little warped upstairs.

I moved out on her.

Then there's no reason for you to
be having any further contact with her.

Why don't you tell her that, pal?
She's the one that's got the problem.

Thank you for
your time, Richard.

Hey.

Are you puttin' it
to her? Is that it?

Is she gettin' a little
cop action on the side?

- Just stay away from her!
- You got grounds for
an arrest, you go for it, pal.

Otherwise butt the
hell out, you hear me?

Somebody wanna get
some cuffs out, please?

You got him? Yeah.

First a wacky
survivalist and now this...

What are we, the suicide squad?

A piece of cake, Luce.

The charges against you
are significant, Mr. Petrakis,

but your record's
clean, and you've pretty

much been a model
citizen in a lot of ways.

I can probably get you
probation and a fine...

Listen, they've confiscated my
weapons. I need my weapons.

Did you have permits
for any of them? Permits?

All right, what good is paper
gonna be when people start...

looting and burning the
town halls? Your preliminary...

is scheduled for 9:30 tomorrow
morning with Judge Marshall.

Listen, my life is in
danger in this building.

Can't you see that? I mean...

Oh, you see...

You see, it's vulnerable to
attack from the north side.

You see, they could... They
could come in the ducts.

All right, it's obvious that no one has
planned for the unthinkable around here.

Mr. Petrakis, you're
charged with 15 felony counts,

any one of which can
put you in jail for a year.

If you cooperate with me,
there's a chance you'll go home...

with nothing more
than a slap on the wrist.

But if you insist on behaving
the way you have been,

if you keep talking on in
rambling, paranoiac fantasies...

Do you know what's missing? Do you
know what's missing in modern man?

I'm gonna tell you what's
missing in modern man...

is not the will to survive...

but the very idea to survive.

Don't you s...

Okay, all right,
all right, all right.

Let's just say you get in your
car and you drive out to the desert.

It breaks down 30 miles from the nearest
water. It's 105 degrees in the shade.

And you have nothing with you
but what you had in your pockets...

when you first got in your car.

All right, question:
How do you survive?

First, I'd stay with
the car, wait for night.

Then I'd siphon off gasoline from
the tank and set the spare on fire...

Nice black, oily smoke, just
in case somebody might see it.

I wouldn't take cover from
the sun in the car, too exposed.

I'd get under it. Close it off
with rags, sand, anything.

I'd save my urine to
cool my exposed skin.

And do what I could to get
some sleep. At sundown,

I'd tear the fabric off the car seats
for protection against the night cold,

then start cross-country
using the north star as a guide.

I'd keep a nice, even pace,
so I wouldn't get blisters...

or maybe sprain
an ankle in the dark.

Now you tell me, mister,
what you're going to do...

to keep yourself alive in that
courtroom tomorrow morning.

You.

You're the first.
The first what?

The first of 50 women...

destined to perpetuate the species
and save civilization as we know it.

You see, I have this
refrigerator at home.

Get on down there! Move it!

Get on down there, or
I'll knock you in the face!

The Donleavy
perpetrator? Yes, sir.

You people are batting
a thousand today.

Thank you. LaRue!

Howard?

Chief, it was good to see
you back out on the street, sir.

Thank you, Howard.
Feeling great.

Ah, Frank. Chief.

I want to give your man an attaboy,
Frank. Want to do it in front of you.

The man's stepped on
his private parts so often,

when he does something
right we ought to...

Uh, sir? Well...

Good for you, John
LaRue. Thank you, sir.

Did you follow the trail of blood?
Was that how you found the...

Oh, oh, the rat. Yeah,
yep. Yeah, it was.

It was the one, definitely. The
sucker was limping like crazy.

I knew I winged the
bugger! Excuse me.

We just got word from the
Health Department, Chief.

Ray, that cannot be
an accurate report.

What report? The laboratory
says that the rat that bit you...

was rabid. Rabid?

It's highly unlikely. Hydrophobia is
the next thing to being eliminated.

In addition to which, it's only
carried by creatures of the wild.

Unless this rodent
was a commuter.

The laboratory says you are to
begin injections immediately, Chief.

- Time is very important.
- Injections?

It used to be fourteen
of them, right into the

solar plexus, with a
needle about that long...

It was like a pole
vault! Howard.

Of course, things may
have improved by now.

Hate needles.

Ever since I was a little
boy. Well, that's my point.

They should re-autopsy
that rat. I mean,

putting a man like this
through that sort of pain...

Where am I supposed to go? They
have taken the vaccine to your doctor.

He's waiting for
you at his office.

Well, better safe than sorry.

Helluva note, eh, Frank?

Helluva note, Chief.

You saved my life,
LaRue. My pleasure, sir.

Check your gun, Lieutenant?

Hear you got that rape
pinch here, huh? Yes, sir.

Good.

Hi, Jack. You got
him, eh, Frank?

Yeah, we got him.

Uh, just give the whole
thing to Phil. All right.

Hi, Jack.

He give you a
fight? A little bit.

How's Kathleen feeling?

She's had a shock,
she's had a trauma.

Why don't you
stay with her, Jack?

There's nothing for you here.

We've both had a trauma.

That's what Father
Driscoll tries to explain.

We've had an assault
on our flesh and our spirit.

It's gonna take us
time to get over it.

How long has it been
since you've slept?

This is a beautiful girl.
This was a beautiful girl.

I could show you communion pictures,
you'd say "Who's that little angel?"

Seriously.

No, I'm serious, Frank. You'd
say, "Who's that little angel there?"

Why don't you go home, Jack?

Oh, yeah, I gotta go.

I'm not any good to
her without my strength.

That's right.

That's what the Father
wants me to realize.

Huh, what?

Huh?

What?

Put 'em down.

- My keys!
- God, it's the survivor.

The poor jerk
shot the wrong guy.

Hey, how 'bout that
survivalist guy? Petrakis?

You know, it's like one time,
we went to visit my uncle's grave,

a couple of stones down,
there was this inscription,

"Now Will You Believe I'm Sick?"

What's the connection?

This guy's telling everybody how dangerous
life is, and he gets blown away in jail.

Cut it out! You know
what I'm talkin' about.

All you do is...

Thank you. So, what do
you think? You like the place?

It's nice.

Well... Yeah, it's
the place to go.

Have a few brewskis. Decompress.

Ooh! I ordered rye. She
gave me the wrong shot.

She's kinda the Jack
Donleavy of barmaids, huh?

Is that your idea of
a sense of humor?

That was funny. I mean,
that's a real sick remark.

Okay, but funny. Hey, does
Belker ever come in here?

No. No, he pretty
much keeps to himself.

Hey, what's doin'? Hi, Mick.

Hey! How're ya doin'? Sit down.

Yeah. Okay.

You want a drink?
Yeah! I'll have a beer.

She'll be right back. Hey, Robin. I
told you this was a great place, huh?

- We got a quorum now?
- How 'you doing?

- Good.
- Hey, Angel, another draw over here!

6:00. Mr. Benedetto.

Where do you want it?

Look, maybe I got a little
excited this mornin', you know?

And maybe you being a cop and all, I
coulda figured some way to eat that ticket.

Look, I got a problem,
Mr. Benedetto.

I'm trying to get my emotional
age up to the double digits.

Hey, when do you
wet yourself, huh?

When do you tell me about your bad
heart? I'm trying to get us disengaged.

Listen, you're a fat-mouth faggot
and I'm gonna take your head off.

Outside.

One of these days I'm gonna learn
how to offend a better class of people.

You suckered me, man.

Yeah? Tell me about it.

Write me a letter.

All right, Country. You want
to give me another ticket?

Frank? Hmm?

I've been invited to
interview for a job.

Wonderful. What is it?

With the Justice Department. I have to fly
down to Washington tomorrow afternoon.

It's kind of sudden, isn't it?

It only just came
up this morning.

Clark's very excited about it. He says
they have to fill the position by Monday.

I wasn't sure I could
work out the logistics.

In a ghoulish way, that poor survivalist
getting killed cleared the decks for me.

Who's Clark?

I told you about him.

He taught me Procedure
in law school. Ah.

Remember?

Oh, uh, yeah, I think so.

You must've made quite
an impression on him.

For him to keep you
in mind all this time.

Actually, it was the
other way around.

I think every girl in the
class had a crush on him.

Hmm? Was the crush reciprocated?

You're jealous. Yes.

He was married. Is he still?

What? Married.

I didn't ask. It didn't come up.

I just wish you hadn't
sprung it on me like this.

Frank, it only just happened.
Well, what if you get the job?

I'm not going to do anything until I
talk it over with you first, Pizza Man.

Probably won't get it,
anyway. Probably will.