High Maintenance (2016–…): Season 4, Episode 8 - Solo - full transcript

♪ I just came alive
completely ♪

♪ Oh, oh, oh... ♪

Aah!

♪ I just lost
my mind so sweetly... ♪

Aah!

Uh‐oh!

Not the table!

Oh no!

Oh God. This just
got sad very quick.

And then,
I‐I'm not sure how it's gonna end, though.

Wow, man. Yay!



Thank you, thank you.

So, that was sativa, right?

Yeah. I mean, if you're flipping tables,
you might want an indica.

- Just saying. -
Nah. I got like 15 puppets

to bang out by
the end of the month.

- All right. Say no more.
- I'll just have sativa.

- All right, cool.
- But can he pick it?

- Sure.
- That's just more fun.

- Yeah, of course it is.
- Let me get...

Everything's better
with a puppet.

- What's this guy's deal?
- This guy is

a psychiatrist shaman...
oop, sorry...

in, like, a post-
apocalyptic New York,

and he's in a symbiotic
relationship



with a demon that
lives in his basement,

and, uh, he takes
the tear- soaked tissues

of his patients and he
feeds them to the demon.

And so the demon is
gonna help him get elected

to be mayor of the city,
but it's... it's complicated.

He's a psychiatrist,
basically.

You know, if you're
a demon who eats tears,

- that's a great job.
-

- Yeah, right?
- Yeah.

- All right. We're good, we're good,
we're good. - Okay, okay, okay.

- Okay.
- I'm sorry, that was rude. I got into it.

- No, it's all right.
- Hang there.

- It's 140.
- Right. Sorry about that.

- Dude, don't be sorry.
- One second.

One second.

One- forty... I'm sorry,
it's all kind of...

- It's okay. It's just money. - All right,
man.

One, two, three,
four...

- Here we go,
man. Thank you very much. - Thank you.

- All right.
- Good luck with the demon.

I will need it!

- Bless you.
- Bless you.

- Did you sneeze?
- No, I thought that was you.

- No, I didn't...
-

- You got thin walls? - I
never heard anything before.

Well, at least your
neighbors are quiet.

- See ya.
- See ya.

Hmm...

Oh fuck.

- I'm gonna fuck you right now.
- You're gonna fuck me?

Yeah, I'm gonna fuck you good,
buddy. Ready?

Yeah,
I'm gonna fuck you too.

Gotcha, bitch!
Who's getting fucked?

Bigger neck hole!

Get... right... in!

Thrust! Thrust!

Achoo! Ha- ha!

Your mother is a whore!

You should go ahead and get
the separation surgery.

There, see honey?

The doctor thinks
it's a good idea.

So, we are having the surgery.

But, baby, I could die.

We could die.

We had let you go,
Ghost Baby.

Ah, yes.
You should eat more pineapple, demon.

Last bets!

You were above it all,
weren't you?

The great puppeteer,
and now look at you.

You're fucking disgusting!

Shall I lick you,
my queen?

It's all your fault!

- You're...
-

Fuck. God damn it!

Where are my blacks?
Where are my blacks? Where...

Yo! Uh! Yo...

Don't... There's no talking!
I said no talking!

How you took my hand
and put it inside you!

Why did you take my hand
and put it inside you?

I don't know.

I don't know why
your hand is inside me.

♪ I crucify myself ♪

♪ And nothing I do is
good enough for you ♪

♪ I crucify myself ♪

♪ Every day ♪

- Why?
- ♪ I crucify myself ♪

♪ And my heart is sick
of being in chains ♪

Bless you!

Let's stay in bed all day.

Oh, I'd love to. I have
so much shit I gotta do.

But it's Sunday.

I got all these
boxes to unpack,

and I meant to get
all my shit done,

but I ended up going
to that movie last night.

Where'd you see
the movie?

BAM.

You impressed?

Well, I wasn't gonna...
say anything.

Okay, so now,
you gotta say something.

Well, it's just...

I know that whatever
we're doing is...

I don't even know
what to call it,

and you're healing
from Christof or whatever,

but did you go alone?

Uh, I went with someone.

I know.

A friend saw you there
with someone and texted me.

Wow.

That's a shitty friend.

So, is this the same person
you went on a date with

that you said
you didn't even like?

No, it's a different one.

I'm sorry. That must've been...
that must've sucked for you.

Doesn't feel great.

Can I ask you something?

- Sure.
- I mean, do you even like me,

- or do you just like not
being alone? - What?

What are you talking about?

I'm crazy about you.

- Oh yeah? Yeah?
- Yeah. Babe.

Oh shit. I should get that.

Finish the picture.

Hey, is that, uh, Halloween
party still going on this weekend?

It's Christof,
and if you have my email,

- I'll get back to you faster.
- Hey, Christof.

Christ- off.

It's AJ.

I know we're not supposed
to be talking or whatever.

I don't know if you
got my texts, but...

I had a weird idea.

Uh... it's a movie
called Fisted,

where a woman gets fisted.

It's kind of like 40- Year- Old
Virgin but with fisting.

Anyway, I know it's pretty dumb.
I thought you'd appreciate it.

Um, I'm around tonight
if you wanna talk or not.

Everything's fine.
I'm fine. I just...

just wanted to hear your voice.

Okay, bye.

Hey, can I get a regular slice
and a Diet Coke? Thanks.

- You ready for this?
- I am, I'm hungry!

- Isn't that beautiful?
- Mm- hmm.

- Now, see, you're letting that fall...
- Mm!

- Sorry.
- The cheese is going everywhere.

It's fine now.
It's good. Thank you. Thank you.

- It's pretty good.
- You surprised?

Oh, yeah.
Well, while you go there,

I'll try not to finish
your pizza.

Thanks.

Hot...

Hot.

Oh God.

- Hey, dummy, over here!
- Hey!

Hey!

So weird! I was
just thinking about you!

My therapist
says I'm doing the work,

but it is really
hard work.

Yeah, you seem
much more grounded.

In our relationship,
I used the excuse,

"I don't think AJ
thinks I'm enough,"

but really,
I don't think I'm enough.

It was never really you.

I was just afraid
to be alone

and take responsibility
for myself.

Oh, I'm sorry.

The way I treated you,
Landon...

- ...it wasn't right.
- No.

No, it wasn't.

And you didn't
deserve it.

No, but...

you see me.

You've seen me and...

that was
really special.

- Well...
- Oh God.

Okay, okay.

Scissor in.

One of these?

I've missed you, AJ.

I've missed you, too.

I love you so much.

- I'm just gonna keep hurting you.
- You don't...

You don't have to.

Just... stay with me.

What could be better
than this?

I can't.
- Please.

Please.

- Please... - It's not you,
it's not you, it's not you.

I'm so fucked up.

I'm sorry.

I'm sorry, I'm sorry...

Fuck.

No... No.

God.

- I can't believe you didn't win.
- I know.

We were robbed.
They were fuckin' fascists, man.

- Who ended up winning?
- Some dog dressed as a rat.

- What?
- Like a New York City rat. Stupid.

Anyway, I think there was
something up with the judges.

They were trying
to play it safe.

- I mean, people were getting
a little intense this year. - Yeah?

I saw a Blasey Ford,
Kavanaugh.

- See, now that's brilliant, man,
that's edgy. - It's raw, man. It's raw.

Yeah. Have you
got any vapes?

- You still vaping, man?
- Well, yeah, I know.

Toxic.

- Oh hey!
- Hey!

- Timberlake!
- Yes.

- The Dude!
- This is my associate, Walter Sobchak.

He does not roll on Shabbos.

Yes, I love that for you guys.
That's a good costume.

- Thank you. Nice marmot.
- Yeah.

Uh, Colin, I thought
you weren't gonna do that.

Oops, I did it again.

He's been doing
this for like 20 minutes.

Oh. Breakdown Britney.

What? No,
he's Eleven from Stranger Things.

- Where's your waffle? Get your waffle.
- Oh!

You better work, bitch. Good night,
many shades of Britney.

And then their numerologist
told them that I'm a ghost.

Well, that's fucking interesting,
man.

Anyway...

So, what can I get ya?

I don't know.
Something on the upswing.

Great. You got a jar?

- I do.
- Cool.

I do, I do. Here.

Anyway, this place
is a transition.

- Cool. - My roommates...
I don't like to judge,

but they're a little basic
for my taste, you know?

- That's judging.
- It is judging.

- Yeah.
- Well, there, I did it.

So, I guess I gotta
look for a studio.

-Um, people
keep telling me I need to live alone.

- Yeah. Yep.
- You live alone?

- You single?
- Uh, yeah.

- Trying to be.
- Huh. You celibate?

- Uh...
- I know, right? Good stuff.

Not actively,
but not incel.

Hmm. Yeah.

Do you ever...
Do you ever get lonely?

Uh, I mean,

yeah, but I...
I'm trying...

to think of it not
like loneliness.

It's more like, uh,
solitude, you know?

- Yeah,
solitude. I like that. - Thanks.

- Perfect.
- Yeah.

-
-

- I'm gonna turn
that off. Yeah. - Yeah.

Just enjoy some quality
HBO programming.

Okay. - That's
what Sunday nights are for.

Oh fuck.

No, Ruby! What?
What did Ashley do?

What do you mean?
Last night by the pool?

I don't think I've ever
seen anyone that drunk.

Wait, was I not there?

Do you, uh, do you guys
wanna get Stoney McStonerson?

I gotta work tomorrow.

Hard pass.

Would you mind
doing that outside?

Yeah. Sorry.

- Is it out?
- It's out. I...

Yeah. Yeah. Sorry. Yeah.

- Thank you.
- Yeah.

Aah!

Which, which one?

All of them.

I don't even like roses.

Well,
what flower would you have instead?

- Daisies.
- Oh.

They don't have thorns.

The fuck?

No. No.

AJ? What are
you doing here?

Oh. I'm sorry.
What's your name again?

- Cheyenne.
- Cheyenne! That's right. Sorry.

Um, Fran texted me.

Huh. Okay, well,
she's not answering.

Should we be worried?

I don't know.
You're the assistant.

Look, I haven't seen
Fran in forever.

I know.
She told me.

So, she told you
the whole story?

Just her side of it.

You know, she's not
a very reliable narrator.

No shit.

What are you,
Trinity from The Matrix?

This isn't a costume.

Hello? It's Cheyenne.

And AJ. You might
as well open the door.

We're not going anywhere.

We'll stand here
all night.

No, what? No.

- What the fuck are you two doing here?
- You texted us.

You're insane.

I literally
would never do that.

You sent your location.

Fran, remember you said you
didn't want to drink on Ambien?

Uh, whatever, Cheyenne.
Don't even talk to me, okay?

Let's get you into bed.
I got this.

Actually...
you're fired.

- I fire you.
- Okay, you know what?

We just want to
make sure you're okay.

Well, I was fine
before you woke me up.

- - Huh? You know what?
- What?

You need to stop being
obsessed with me.

- My God.
- It's pathetic.

- Bye, butch.
- See you, peach.

Okay, that's just another Sunday
night. - She won't even remember.

- - Maybe now's the time to take
her up on it. - That's a gift.

You leave that psycho
in the rearview.

She's not a psycho.
She's a socio.

I'm pretty sure
you can be both.

Where you coming from?
You want a ride back?

Sure.

- Cool, right?
- Yeah.

It's a great way to get rid
of those Sunday blues.

I call them Sunday scaries,
but, yes.

Wow,
you're really leaning into that

Addams Family thing,
aren't you?

- Beware of manholes.
- Oh God.

My whole life, dear,
my whole life.

Share the road.

Queers first!

Congrats
on getting fired!

Thanks.

Guess I don't have
to work tomorrow.

-
- Yes.

Oh shit. Here it is! - Hmm?

If you rapidly tap on the top
or side button five times,

then your iPhone alerts
your emergency contact

with a text message
and your location.

- Damn! I wonder who's in mine?
- That's crazy.

- Where is it?
- Um, try settings. Go to settings.

Oh shit.

Christof, Donny, and my mom?

God.

That is a sad, sad time capsule.

What about you,
who's in yours?

No one.

Put someone in there!

- What if there's an actual emergency?
- I'll call 911.

- Who's keeping tabs on you?
- I do.

- I don't need anyone.
- That's depressing.

I mean, it was,
but I was, like,

clinically depressed.

I started doing IV treatments

- with a doctor before it was cool...
- Hmm.

...and then he gave me this nasal
spray to maintain between treatments.

Maintain what?

Good habits. It allows
the dendrites in my brain

to grow and expand,

increases blood
flow to the brain.

What is that, Afrin?

Uh, uh, no. It's, uh...

It's ketamine.

- Horse tranquilizer.
- It's also a super strong

- anti- inflammatory.
- Special K.

I knows all about
that brain swell stuff.

Why do you think people
been getting holes

drilled in their skulls
since the Neolithic, okay?

So's the brain- blood volume

- - gets free flow.
- Whoa, okay. Time- out.

Question, professor. Uh,
wouldn't a hole in your head kill you?

No, no, no.

Ancient technology,
you wise guy.

Why do you think all those
monks, they got bald spots?

Hippocampus used it
in the classics.

Shiva had a hole.
Tibetans had holes.

- A lot of holes. - I knew this
keyboard guy in Bay Ridge, right?

Had a hole in his head,
cured his OCD.

He's still playing keys
at that Huey Lewis tribute.

Things are looking up for
him. You ever tried it?

I ain't got no mental problems.
I'm too busy for that.

I keep busy,
I'm good.

- Huey Lewis.
-

- Should we just go back to my place?
- You'll be fine.

You're not taking enough
to get stuck in a K- hole.

Here we go.

This album's great.

It's all about
the music.

And if you don't feel it,

- we can try again
in 20 minutes. - Hmm.

I just did two.

What? When?

Just now.
You just saw me.

No, I...

So, you, you did three?

Did I fuck this up?

You'll be fine.
Just... go with it.

Okay. I don't even...

How do I know it's...

Ah...

Oh!

Fucking- A, man!

You get to set the reality.

That rug
really tied the room together, man.

- Hey!
- It's all you from here, dude.

- No... Stay away.
- -

No. I get it!

Yeah!

Oh...

shit.

Mmm...

Aah!

Holy shit.

Oh wow...

- Welcome back.
- That was absurd!

Yeah, that's
how I felt too.

Ooh...

- This is absurd.
-

I like you a lot.

I think
we should go now.

- Okay.
- Mm- hmm.

Bye- bye.

- Come on. Come on.
- Hmm? Hey!

Oh, I can't.

♪

- You okay?
- Yes!

Yes.

♪

Does this feel good?

Beep- bop! Beep- bop!

We are robots! Ah!

Yes!

You okay?

It's just another Sunday night.

Thanks for rolling with it.

I felt really safe
with you.

You don't
even know me.

Yeah,
but I felt it.

I burned my mouth on pizza.
I don't have herpes.

♪ Ah- ah ♪

♪ Ah- ah ♪

♪ Ah- ah ♪

♪ Ah- ah ♪

We regret to inform you

that American flight 1487
is canceled.

We'll go to my place.

We'll do
a little Hanukkah thing.

We'll make latkes.

Oh, I like this plan.
I like it "a latke."

♪ All right ♪

- Why can't we stay in the hotel?
- I pay rent here.

At least I can meet
some of your friends.

I don't know these people!

- - Merry Christmas.
- -

♪ So leave me alone tonight ♪

We're all just
trying to maintain.

And we each got our own way
of doing it.

I'mma need you to be
real quiet, ladies.

- I'm freezing!
- Shh!

♪ Leave me alone tonight ♪

♪ Leave me alone tonight ♪