High Maintenance (2016–…): Season 1, Episode 6 - Ex - full transcript

♪ ♪

[man sighs]

[clears throat]

[phone chirps]

Man: Morning. Uh, sign here, please.

- Thanks a lot. Have a good day.
- [phone chirps]


Fix the buzzer.

♪ ♪

Man on TV: Would you please
tell the court in your own words

why you believe you should have custody?

Woman: Because he's my son

and I love him.

And I know it was wrong
to leave. I know it was...

♪ Let me sleep ♪

♪ In the slumber of the morning ♪

♪ There's nowhere I need to be ♪

♪ And my dreams still are calling ♪

Helen Hunt: Just listen
to me! Okay? Listen to me!

It's really something that
you're looking after Simon.

And what I said on the street...

- [doorbell]
- that was a bad thing to say.

- Thanks.
- Uh-huh.

Wait a minute. Wait, wait, wait.

- Did they not have Pamplemousse?
- Oh, no. They were out.

Honestly, I had to go to three
places to get these, so...

♪ Keep me with you on the ground ♪

♪ All of my worries behind me now ♪

♪ And be sure to wake me when ♪

♪ Eternity begins ♪

[phone buzzing]

[line trilling]


[trilling continues]


Can you hold the door...

Sorry. [grunts] Sorry.

Thank you.

Uh, can you press four, please?

Thank you.

You ever see "What About Bob"?

[phone chirps]

- Hey, Patrick, man.
- Hello?

- I'm in an elevator.
- Okay...

- You're cutting out.
- What?

- Sorry... you back...
- Okay. Great. That would be great.


Like... like we were in a
dream of something, right?


Bless you.

[elevator dings]

[door opens]


- Hey!
- Hey.

This is fucking cool.

I made it. Very good.

How are you, man... oh, I'm sorry.

Does that, uh...

mean I should be quieter?

No, no. She's, um...

she's not with us anymore, so...

- I'm so sorry, man.
- It's fine.

It's been... it was a long time
coming. It's been like six months, so...

I'm getting used to it, so...


Um, are you thirsty? Do you want water?

Uh, yeah, that'd be great.

Something tells me you're
gonna offer me a LaCroix.

Yup. Um...

do you mind drinking a coconut
one though? Because I need white.

Uh, no. Does it taste good?

Yeah... yeah.

- All right. Cool.
- Do you want a lemon square?

Uh, maybe on my way out. Sure.

And, um...

do you have time today to just, um...

like, stay and smoke
with me a little bit?


yeah, sure. You got a bowl?

- Mm-hmm.
- Cool.

Is this one good?

Uh, that's not what I had in mind,

but, um, why don't you
just pick something?

We'll figure it out.

So the idea is to just let
the gravity do the work...

- Right
- and when I take out the Greebs,


You push down and
inhale at the same time.

It's gonna be pretty nasty,

- so be careful.
- Okay.

- Oh, oh.
- Oh, my god.

You're losing it.


Oh! Oh, shit.


Oh, fuck. Very smooth.

- [chuckles]
- Oh, I don't think so.

- You want something to drink?
- Yeah. Uh, yeah. Coconut.

Oh yeah, the white.

- I need the white.
- The whites!



That was good.

Sorry, man. It's... it's pretty rough.

You know, I usually have
vape pens, but I ran out.

That's okay. I don't...

We didn't really, um...

smoke it anyway because, um...

like, I would bake with it
'cause my mom's lungs were bad.

[opens LaCroix]

Baked with only an eighth at a time?

No, I baked a dozen.

Okay. Cool.

This is new. This is nice.

Yeah, I got that one on Etsy.

- Yeah.
- But she looks sad.

Her eyes are all, like, little sad eyes.

I like that one.

It's from this movie,
"Ride." She wrote it,

she directed it, she stars in it,

and it's, like, about, um...

an overbearing mother
and her son moves away,

and... and she plays...

She doesn't "play." [laughing]
She... she learns how to surf.

She learns to do... [laughing]

She teaches herself how to surf.

And there's this part...

[laughs] she smokes a joint in it.

- Oh.
- And she just, like, laughs

and then she cries.

She's good when she cries,
I think. I don't know.

- [both chuckle]
- You pretty fucked up?

No. Maybe.

- I don't know.
- Yeah.

So I have to ask you a question.

- Yeah?
- [belches]

[laughing] How long have
we been s... sitting here?

- Like, uh, not very long.
- I feel like...

[whispers] a little
bit like I'm in a movie.

Oh, yeah, man. That's,
like, the best part.

Sometimes you just put on headphones

and you're walking around the city.

It's like you're in
a movie. It's awesome.

- That sounds fun.
- Yeah, it is fun.

You should do it sometime.

I bet it's fun if you like...

if you, like, listen to
a real movie soundtrack

and then it's like you're in that movie

or your own movie or whatever.


I'm gonna go, man.

No. Okay.

It's really nice outside,
so you should, uh...

- have your movie moment today.
- Yeah, maybe.

I'm not even gonna put on my jacket.


Don't put on your jacket.

Take off your shirt.

[laughs] Just... I'm kidding.

Gotcha, man.

- All right, well...
- Take a bar. Take a bar.

- Okay.
- [laughs]

- See you later, man.
- Take two.

No, this is good.

- I appreciate it. Thank you.
- [laughing]

- I hope you feel better, man.
- I feel great.

[door closes]

Oh, my god, what's happening?

Hey, Mom.



Oh, shit.



- Oh, hey, Patrick.
- Hey, Carl.

What, are you going out?

Yup. I'm just going for a walk.

I heard it was nice out.

Well, you... you enjoy yourself.

- I will. Thanks.
- You... tell me how it is, all right?

- Okay, Carl.
- Okay.

- Oh, you're back.
- Yeah, I forgot something.

Well, you go right ahead.

No, no, you... you go. It's cool.

- You sure?
- Yeah.

[chuckles] I hope you're
not in any hurry or anything.

I'm getting my workout.

That wears me out.

♪ ♪

[overlapping chatter]

[person screams]

Man: Yo! Yo!

I told you to get the fuck out of here!

Holy shit.

There's Passionfruit.

- Are you okay?
- Yeah.

- Oh, no.
- Shit.

You're not... you're not
okay. You're bleeding.

Come use my bathroom.

We'll leave this. I'll come back for it.

- Oh, you're a psychic?
- Oh yeah.

I saw that comin'.

- What's your name?
- Pam.

Let me see your hand.

Ouch, ouch.

I hope you don't mind, I had to
put your cart out on the curb.

It's busted.

I'm pretty embarrassed
that you saw me do that.

[scoffs] Those old lady
carts are treacherous.

You're lucky you made it out alive.

Let's see that forehead.

I hope you don't mind me
saying so, Patrick, but...

your scalp's pretty dry.

You should try some argan oil.


Did I hurt you?

No, no, I just...


- Oh.
- [crying continues]


I'm sorry. Oh, I'm sorry.

It's okay, hon.

I'd offer to give you a palm reading,

but your hands are pretty jacked.

[both chuckle]

Give me your leg.

Is that that "Toss away
what doesn't spark joy" book?

Ooh, yes.

You should take it.

No, I can't take your book.

No, I insist.

Marie would want it that way.

♪ ♪

♪ There are whispers in the air ♪

♪ That tell the stories
of our wildest dreams ♪

♪ But leave us empty in despair ♪

♪ But on our own ♪

♪ So everything is as it seems now ♪

♪ When the dark ♪

♪ Comes so harsh to life ♪

♪ And you can't shake the shadow above ♪

♪ That's following you
out into the night ♪

♪ Paint your face on with a smile ♪

♪ Say to them, "Don't worry" ♪

♪ Carry on just for a while ♪

♪ You get lost and hurry ♪

♪ Can you see it now? ♪

♪ That nothing's as it seems somehow ♪

The Guy: Excellent. Pamplemousse.
This is my favorite, I think.

I like Cucumber-Grape. That's
hard to beat for me, but...

Holy shit, man. This is...

fucking different.

- Yeah.
- Whoa.


You... oh, you don't
have to do that today.

Uh, I'm not buying.


So I've... I've been simplifying
some things in my life...

- Yeah, that's great, man.
- Thank you.

And, um...

I mean, that means that I'm not
gonna buy weed from you anymore.

Or anyone anymore.


I mean, you didn't need to...

bring me here to tell me that,

but I understand I think.

No, I... well, actually, I
have something for you, so...

[clears throat]

If you turn around with a
gun and shoot me, I'm gonna...

- I'm gonna freak out, man.
- [chuckles]


Oh, my god.


I don't do refunds,
you know that, right?

I know. I just thought maybe
you could use it. [clears throat]

Well, some of this weed is...

- pretty fucking old.
- Mm-hmm.

Some of it.

Uh, thanks, man.

No problem

I wish I had your Tupperwares.

I would have brought them back if I knew
you were gonna break up with me today.

I don't need them.

Well, that's good, 'cause I lost
most of the lids to them already.

- That hallway is crazy, man.
- [Patrick chuckles]

Hi again.

- Right here?
- Yeah, that's great.


Damn. That's a lot.

[giggles] You saw the wall.

Well, congrats on all the changes, man,

and, uh...

if you ever need anything
again, you have my number.

- I do.
- Good luck.

Thanks. Ride safe, okay?

Yeah, I will.

Here, Carl. I got you one.

- Too cold.
- You can drink it later.

Who was that?


just an ex. [chuckles]

Man: I don't feel like I'm
able to even have a good time

unless I'm somehow doing
something... selfish.

Like, I can have a good time,
but then I'll look back on it

and it'll... I'll realize
that I'm upsetting people

or being inconsiderate somehow.

And I don't know why
that me having a good time

can't just exist with making
other people feel good,

but it... I guess I can't. I don't know.

Sounds like you're being
really hard on yourself, man.

Well, I can't control it.

That's how I feel, you know?

- Yeah.
- You want any?

- Yeah, uh... not tonight.
- Okay.

- Thank you though.
- [phone chimes]

I mean, just do your best.

And that's relative, you know?

Sometimes your best is just puttin'
your pants on for the day, you know?

But I don't mean like
the nudity is a problem.

I don't mind the nudity at all.

- That was just a saying.
- Yeah.

- Just to be clear.
- Yeah, I get... I get what you mean.

- Okay.
- And thank you for listening.

Yeah, no problem.



so it's a hundred.

- Oh, right. I'm sorry.
- Yeah.

- Yeah. Er...
- Uh-huh.


Woman: Oh, hey.

Oh, hey. Hello.


Hey, I don't know if Arthur told you,

but, uh, we're looking for a new
roommate, so if you know of anyone...

[stammers] Uh, not
off the top of my head,

- but if I think about anyone,
- _

I will let you guys know.

Here you go, man. Uh, thanks so much.

- Thank you for the tip.
- Yeah. Yeah.

I feel like I'm getting a
little extra, you know, service.

Woman: Your charger. Um...

give me a sec and I'll take a look.

I just got inside.

Woman on phone: I hope I didn't lose it


Oh, Ju-Boo, don't worry about it.

If you forgot it, you can just
get another one at the airport.

Or literally anywhere.

I made a packing list
and everything, so...

Okay, I see why you forgot your charger.

What? I always smoke before a flight.

That's not why I forgot it.

- I Ubered here and...
- Oh, you Ubered to JFK.

Okay, I see how it is.

You fancy when you travel alone.

I know, I should have taken the train...

No, Ju-Boo, I'm just
giving you a hard time.

You know I love when you treat yourself.

- Oh, now I see your charger.
- Good. Okay, it is there.

- Yeah, it's here.
- I'll just grab one when I get there.

- [phone beeps]
- Oh, honey,

I'm getting another call, and it's work.

- God, work?
- Yeah, I have to go.

- I'll text you when I land.
- Yeah, text me when you get in, okay?

- I will. I love you.
- I love you.

- Bye, babe.
- Bye.

This is Gwen.

All right, why don't we
file that for now and um,

we'll see how far that gets us?

Coworker: Gotcha. Will do.

- Okay. Talk Monday.
- Yes, Monday.

- Hopefully not sooner, right?
- Right.

Yeah. Hopefully not sooner.

- Radiolab promo: You are listening to...
- Automated Voice: Battery low.

- Please charge now.
- [promo continues]

- Battery low. Please charge now.
- No!


- Robert Krulwich.
- I'm Jad Abumrad.

And this hour, I'm
going to curse you, Jad.

I'm going to ask you to do something...

- [buzzer]
- Who the fuck?


- [sighs] Thanks.
- Man: Thanks. Have a good night.

No, man, I'm done for the
night. This is my last run.

But you can get in touch
with me tomorrow around 2:00.

All right. Sorry about that. Bye-bye.


- Drop the bag.
- Fuck.

Oh shit. Um...

♪ And I know that I'm still free ♪

♪ Be anywhere... ♪

[sighs] Yes.

Neil deGrasse Tyson: In the universe,

knowledge of our sun's birth

would ordinarily be
completely inaccessible

'cause how are we gonna get back there?

- In there? But we can't.
- _

Fortunately, millions of
stars in our galaxy exist

- in all phases of life and death.
- _

- So, we can use that as a proxy...
- [buzzer]


- Hey.
- Hey. What's up?

You have an extra set of my keys still?

Uh... yeah.

I'm gonna have to look for
them, but, uh, probably.

- Is Jules around?
- No.

She's out of town.

So what's up? Are you locked out?

Yeah. I mean...

I got fucking robbed, man.

Oh, my god! Are you okay?

Yeah, I am, but...

I was in this vestibule,
and these two dudes came in,

and one of them had a gun, I
think, maybe, I don't know...

- Oh, my god.
- and then, like...

fucking took my shit.
So, that's $1,000 just...

- I'm sorry.
- Yeah.

- It was really scary.
- Yeah. I'm sure it was.


- So that fucking sucks.
- Yeah.

And they took my bike key,

which was the last one
for that lock that I have,

so I have to deal with that now.

Well, you know, it could
have gone a lot worse.

But the thing is, it
was my fucking fault

because I didn't fucking double check a
referral that came in to me last moment,

and I thought I could just knock
one off for the rest of the day.

- [phone chirps]
- Goddammit,

this job was supposed to be way
more fucking chill than this!

- Okay. Okay.
- I'm sorry.

- Sorry.
- Just be glad you're okay.


And they didn't take my
phone, which is good, I guess.

Unless I fucking broke it just now.

Whatever. I just want to get into
my apartment, man. Can I get my key?

Yeah, let me find the keys for you.

Oh, a package came for you.

Oh, sweet. Great.

Oh, this?

Ugh, okay.

Gwen: Jules read that book

everybody's reading about sparking joy

in the household or whatever, and I...

can't fucking find anything anymore
because she threw out half our shit.

I've been hearing a lot about that book.

Every person I know

- is throwing out stuff.
- Oh, nice.

What is that?

There are my friend's, uh, hash oil pens

that he makes in California.
He sends them to me.

So, you're still having weed
delivered to this apartment?


I told him to send it to my new place.

I guess he didn't update his records.

That's not okay because
you don't live here anymore.

I told him. I'll tell him next time,

- and, uh, it won't happen again.
- Okay. Okay.

- Sorry. I'm sorry.
- That... that's, um...

- great.
- No, I get it.

So can I just maybe text Jules or...

No. Jules is in flight right now.

Oh, god.

Did you try Obed?

You know, Obed's really shitty
about getting back to us.

You know, if you keep
trying him, he eventually...

Can I just stay here in the guest
bedroom if he doesn't though?

Yeah. Uh, if we can't find these keys

and you can't get back
into your apartment...

This is mine.


Yeah, this is definitely mine.


The Guy: Fuck. I'm gonna have to move
if every time they're gonna fucking...

"make improvements," it's gonna cost
like an extra hundred bucks a month.

I don't want to fucking
move. I hate moving.

We're all moving if Trump wins.

But I don't want to move.


[quietly] Fuck.


- I can't believe I got robbed, man.
- [phone chimes]

This is fucking...


Stupid fucking stoners.

No. Mas.


So where'd Julie go?

She's in San Francisco.

She's helping our
friend Laurel with a...

booth she has at some trade fair.

That's the girl with the, um...

Sorry, is Laurel the woman
with the greeting card company?

Mm-hmm. Yeah, she's helping
her with branding and...

her website and stuff like that.

Goddamn. Jules is so good at that shit.


I gotta get my shit together, man.

I'm a mess.

I gotta, like, either get bigger

or get smaller or do something,

because, like, this is
not what I had in mind.

- Mm.
- I am working so hard

and I'm not working smart at all.

- Mm.
- I am just like...

I don't know.

This is totally mesmerizing.

I think so.


You ever do a buffalo smile?

Um... no. I don't know what that is.

[phone vibrates]

It's like, how would a buffalo smile?

Can you do it with your face?

Oh, fuck me.

- It goes like this.
- [phone vibrates]

- I'm sorry. This is Gwen.
- Coworker: Gwen?

You're working on the
Jackson case too, right?

Yeah, that's correct.

Just wanted to get all
the details squared away.

- Uh-huh.
- Since this is her last month...

Well, be that as that may,
we're still talking about

a pregnant 13-year-old girl here.

Right, but, you know...

Her stepfather is about to be released

and her mother kicked her out, so
no, she doesn't have that option.

- The grandparents?
- No, I'm not gonna recommend that,

and it's not gonna fly anyway.

Her grandfather has
abuse charges from 1998.

- Oh! I didn't hear about that.
- Yeah, so she can't go there.

- Okay, well, uh...
- Oh, well, maybe I need

to send him a photograph of the
frostbite she got on her fingers

when she had to spend the night
outside in below freezing weather.

Do you think he would
understand it then?

- Well, I'll just let him know, okay?
- You do that.

I'll be... I'll be here all night.

Look, sorry to bother you.
We'll take care of this, okay?

Okay. Great. You have a good night.

- You too.
- Bye.

What the fuck is wrong with people?

I'm sorry you have to deal with that.

- That's truly terrible.
- Yeah, it is.


You want a hit of this pen?

It might... I don't know.

No, I... I'm good. Thank you.

[phone vibrates]


I'm just gonna...

go... to the bar where Beth works.

- Oh, you don't have to do that.
- No, it's fine.

I'll just, uh, wait
till she gets off work

and then maybe I can go home with her.

That Australian girl?

- Yeah.
- That's nice.

We liked her.

- Yeah. She's great.
- Okay.

Yeah. Well, good.

Um, I'll keep looking for your keys.

- Thanks.
- Uh...

Do you want this?

No, I'm good. I'm still good.

Sorry if I, uh, put you out at all.

No, of course not. Okay.

- Goodnight.
- Goodnight.

- See you. I'll let myself out.
- Okay.

Get that trim!

- [chuckles]
- [chuckles]

[door closes]

[door opening]

I'm so sorry.

- It's okay.
- No.

- It's okay.
- It's... It's really not okay.

Um, just listen. I... I...

I've had a crazy fucking week and...

I was just looking forward
to having the night.

I love her, but, you know,

- she takes up a lot of space.
- Dude, I get it.

- I was married to her.
- But I... I'm really sorry.

- This is not okay. I...
- Gwen, take it easy.

Take a pause. Make a buffalo smile.


It's totally fine. Really.


I appreciate you letting me
lick my "whounds" in your space.

You're "whelcome."

- Very "whelcome."
- [chuckles]

I love you, man. I'll talk to you later.

Okay. I love you too, dude.

- Be safe.
- You too.