High Fidelity (2020–…): Season 1, Episode 8 - Ballad of the Lonesome Loser - full transcript

[GARAGE DOOR CLOSES]

Hey, Rob, what do you
think of this shirt?

Yo, bro, I like it.

It's a statement, you know
what I mean? It says, like,

"Hey, my stepdaughter's teenage friends,

I too am cool and enjoy
rock and roll music."

- I was asking Rob.
- I don't give a...

- ROB: I like it. Yeah.
- Really?

I also liked it yesterday
and the day before that.

Ohh! You're fucking dirty!

ROB: Why do you care what I think
about your shirt all of a sudden?



Nothing. Just forget it.

All right. Um... hey, who wants to go to

a "Last Hurrah."

Yeah, no, I gotta go,
uh, to the warehouse

to see if I could teach these
kids some shiz, you know.

ROB: Oh, you gonna go, uh, jam, Cherise?

Oh, no. No, no, no.

I'm just gonna, you know, talk to 'em.

Whatever-whatever, blah-blah-blah-blah.

All right. Simon, let's go.

Sim-on.

- Simon.
- Hmm.

Last Hurrah.

- Oh...
- Allied. Let's go.



No. Cameron and the
mid-life crisis brigade

slamming vodka shots and,
like, close-talking at me?

Come on, it won't be that bad.

I, I would, literally,
rather listen to Creed.

- Whoa.
- SIMON: So...

All right. I hear you.

Um... cool.

- See you guys later.
- All right, y'all. Peace out.

All right.

[DEAD KENNEDY'S HOLIDAY
IN CAMBODIA PLAYING]

[HIP-HOP MUSIC PLAYING ON SPEAKERS]

- Yo, what's up. How you doing?
- Chilling, bro.

♪

[HOLIDAY IN CAMBODIA RESUMES]

♪ So, you've been to
school for a year or two ♪

♪ And you know you've seen it all ♪

♪ In daddy's car
thinking you'll go far ♪

♪ Back east your type don't crawl ♪

Okay, so, normally,
I wouldn't have left Rob

hanging like that, but...

I kinda have plans tonight.

A date... well, maybe it's a
date. I don't really know.

To be honest with you, I find the
whole courtship dating ritual

to be a little bit juvenile.

If I could, I would wake up, ideally,

five years into a healthy relationship.

Skip all the bullshit.
Skip all the pain.

What? Think Rob has this
monopoly on heartbreak?

Please. She's being dramatic.

You wanna know about real heartbreak?

You wanna know about that
real piercing ache in your soul

that will never heal?

The act after act of embarrassing

and desperate desperation?

You wanna know about
that knot in your heart,

the, the putrid taste in your mouth
that leaves you unable to speak?

All right, well, look no further.

For I am the ballad of
the lonesome loser.

♪ It's a holiday in Cambodia ♪

♪ Where the slums got so much soul ♪

♪ Pol Pot ♪

Okay.

My desert island, Top Five,
All-Time Most Memorable Heartbreaks.

Number one: Benjamin Young, AKA Ben.

It was the year after I came out.

It was also the year after Rob's
and my so-called "break up."

You have your set figured out?

Kenny Rogers.

- The whole time.
- The starter.

Oh, my God.

Yeah, I just, I don't
know what to open with.

- Any ideas?
- Hmm.

Love Bizarre?

A 12-minute song? Come on, man.

Oh, Crazy in Love.

That's DJ suicide.

- Why? It's Beyoncé.
- Yeah, exactly. You start with that,

they fuckin' request
that shit all night.

But you end with Beyoncé,

and then you jet before
the beehive swarms you

and you end up like Macaulay
Culkin at the end of My Girl.

- Ooh. I got it.
- What?

Okay. It's now my number three,
but it used to be number four

on my top five songs with which
to get a dance party started.

Guess.

- Pointer Sisters?
- Yes!

- Automatic.
- Yes!

Yes, young padawan.

It's good. It's good.

- Stop. Stop, stop, stop.
- Okay, okay, okay.

- Get out of here. Get out of here.
- Hey, kill it, killer.

Thank you, homie.

[THE POINTER SISTERS AUTOMATIC PLAYING]

♪ Automatic ♪

♪ Automatic ♪

♪ What is this madness ♪

- Can I get a vodka soda?
- BARTENDER: Yep.

♪ I go from sadness ♪

♪ To exhilaration ♪

♪ Like a robot at your command ♪

Sorry, am I making you uncomfortable?

No, not at all.

I just wanted to stand next to the
most handsome man in the room.

SIMON: Pick-up lines are the
lowest form of first impressions,

unless you happen to be
extremely attractive.

Hi, I'm Ben.

Uh, Simon.

Do you want to dance?

Uh... dance? No.

I don't, I don't... I'm not
really a dancing type of guy.

Okay.

Do you want to go somewhere
else? This DJ sucks.

[MUMBLING]

[STAMMERING] Okay.

Great.

♪ Look what you're doing to me ♪

♪ I'm utterly at your whim ♪

♪ All of my defenses down ♪

♪ There were nights when
the wind was so cold ♪

Wow,

this is a song.

Yeah. It's got lyrics and everything.

- Cheers.
- Uh... what to?

A cute date and very bad karaoke.

I didn't think you'd be
into a place like this.

Why?

I don't know. The haircut. The blazer.

You seem more like Soho House
than Drag Queen Karaoke.

Well, you don't really know me, do you?

That's true, I don't.

Okay. Well, tell me things.

Uh... well, I'm a lawyer.

Ugh.

- Check please.
- No, I'm a cool lawyer.

- Like Erin Brockovich.
- I'm a male Erin Brockovich.

- Derren Brockovich?
- Derren Brockovich?

Okay.

Uh, well, do you like it?

Yeah. A lot, actually.

I haven't made partner yet,

- which is bullshit...
- [SIMON SNICKERS]

Yeah, I'm also embarrassingly ambitious.

Partner?

What about you? What does Simon do?

I work in a record shop.

- Hmm.
- Down on Bedford.

Championship Vinyl.

- Sounds very cool.
- Hmm. It is.

Is music your thing?

Well, I went to grad school for
communications engineering.

- Satellites. Broadband. Stuff like that.
- Yeah.

But I took a hiatus a couple...
many years ago, so...

There's nothing wrong with a break.

So, yeah, I'm not...
embarrassingly ambitious.

Or... or like any kind of ambitious.

There's nothing wrong with that either.

No?

Oh, yeah. Nothing at all.

♪ It's all coming back to me now ♪

[CROWD CHEERING]

After I came out, all I'd had
was a bunch of one-night stands

with random men who barely
remembered my first name.

Ben called me back.

Ben remembered my last name.

He was so confident and attentive.

And he, he liked that I was an outlier.

The way he made me
feel was intoxicating.

We spent practically every
day together for two months.

[OS MUTANTES LE PREMIER
BONHEUR DU JOUR PLAYING]

♪

[BUZZING]

♪

I mean, he was smart and successful.

And he just had his shit together.

And I was, you know, me.

So I shouldn't have been surprised.

I mean, why would
someone so extraordinary

wanna be with a loser who
worked in a record store.

If it's blue, does it mean
it was delivered or...

Yes.

If it says delivered,
it means it was delivered.

Maybe his grandma was in...

- ... a car accident.
- Dude, just give me this.

He's holding her hand in the hospital.

I'm doing this for you.

- What are you doing?
- I'm deleting his contact.

- No, no, no.
- Yes! You're obsessing.

You're obsessing.

And... fuck that shit,
you know what I'm sayin'?

Obsessing over your
exes... is a bad look.

Look, I never wanted to
say anything about this

'cause I knew you like him,
but... never trusted him.

He's such a douche.

He did tell me you suck as a DJ.

Fuckin' douche.

- [THE INNOCENTS WHEN I GET HOME PLAYING]
- ♪ While I've been away from here ♪

♪ You've been messing around ♪

♪ All I need to know ♪

♪ Will you be there when I get home? ♪

♪ When I get home, when I get home ♪

♪ When I get home ♪

♪ Said it'd last forever ♪

♪ Stand the test of time ♪

♪ Now you got me hanging
like a baby on the line ♪

[SONG CONTINUES FAINTLY]

These are my roommates:

River, Dallas, and... Link.

Just know that they're a major
upgrade from my last roommate,

who literally tried to
pray my gay away, so...

Hey, guys, I'm, I'm looking for a shirt.

Oh, is it the shirt with the
band that no one likes?

Or the shirt with the band
that no one knows?

[CELL PHONE BUZZING]

No, it's just like a,
it's just a basic gray button-up.

Short sleeves.

Honey, didn't you wear a shirt like that

to Frannie and Fran's party last week?

Yeah! You don't want it back.

Okay, where was I?

Oh, yeah, number two on the
All-Time Heartbreak list.

[DANCE MUSIC PLAYING]

♪

Yeah. Benjamin Young.

- Sorry I disappeared on you.
- What?

- I'm an asshole!
- Yeah, you are.

I don't know how he did it
but the second I saw Ben,

all was forgiven.

I just edited my memory as
if we were never apart.

I mean, I figured we picked
up right where we left off.

I mean, I hadn't been
with anyone since, so...

ROB: Does it hurt?

- Does what hurt? What?
- Your penis.

That's, that's not how it works.

Does it hurt if I do... this?

Don't touch me. Stop.

I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

- I'm trying to cheer you up.
- Please stop fucking around.

- I'm so nervous. Just...
- You're fine.

Hey, look at me. You're fine.

Mr. Miller.

Um...

She's my... best friend.

Yeah, I have good news
and slightly bad news.

You are indeed HIV negative.

Negative? [EXHALES FORCEFULLY]

However,

you did test positive for chlamydia.

Chlamy...

That's impossible. I've been
with one guy in the last year.

Well, speaking of the
realm of possibility,

I can assure you of one thing:

I have never misdiagnosed chlamydia.

But I have a steady boyfriend.

How many steady boyfriends does
your steady boyfriend have?

- You know what I'm sayin'?
- [QUIETLY] Fuck!

I'm gonna give you an antibiotic.
It should clear it up.

Okay.

Oh, no... Yeah, that's...
not where it's going.

Where's it going?

You should probably clear the room.

Got it.

I'm gonna...

- [WHISTLES]
- Don't go.

You're good. You're good. You got this.

I broke up with him that time,

but the feeling of
betrayal was pure misery.

I really thought we were
making this all work.

Hello there. How may I help you today?

Hi. I'm looking for a particular shirt.

It's, uh... just like a basic gray,

button-up short-sleeve...

I have a photo, hold on.

Oh, my God.

Yes, that's very old.

- Really?
- Yes, we don't carry that anymore.

Here, let me bring you some
selections from our current line.

We have some really fun patterns.

Speaking of fun patterns,
number three on the list.

[KNOCK AT DOOR]

Benjamin fucking Young.

- BENJAMIN: Simon, come on!
- Oh, fuck off, Benjamin!

BENJAMIN: Come on.
Open the door, please.

Goddammit, you gave me chlamydia!

BENJAMIN: I swear to you,
I didn't know I had it.

I am so sorry.

- Can we talk, please?
- What the fuck are you doing here?

What, did you come here to give
me another antiquated disease

with flowers covered in polio?

You have every right to be mad at me.

I promise you I didn't
want this to happen.

What to happen?

That I was gonna find out that you
were sleeping with other men?

There was one guy,

and I cut it off the second that
we started hooking up again.

- He didn't mean anything to me.
- And I do?

I wish I could go back and fix this.

I don't want to hurt you anymore.

I really don't want to lose you.

How do I know that any
of that shit is true?

- I'll do anything to prove it.
- Anything?

- Yes, please.
- I want this to be a real relationship.

- This is a real relationship.
- No, it's not.

I'm too old to be
confused like this, okay?

It's nothing to do
with sex, or monogamy.

You have never committed to me. Ever.

You could just disappear at any minute

because I don't know
what the fuck we are.

I don't know if it was
a sick Jedi mind trick

or if he really wanted to commit.

Let me be clear then,
nothing would make me happier

than being your boyfriend.

SIMON: It doesn't matter now, but then,

[SIGHS] I bought it all the way.

The next few weeks, we spent
every free moment together.

Ben was finally my boyfriend.

My first real boyfriend.

Uh... I'll have an old fashioned

and a whiskey neat

for the handsome gentleman.

[SYLVESTER'S YOU MAKE ME FEEL
(MIGHTY REAL) PLAYING ON JUKEBOX]

♪ When we're out there
dancin' on the floor ♪

- Oh, Sylvester. Nice.
- Who?

The song. It's Sylvester.

This is not a woman singing?

No.

Not technically...
but in some way, kinda.

Sylvester didn't really
care about pronouns.

He was the first openly genderqueer
artist to have a radio hit.

I didn't know you were into disco.

Why wouldn't I be into disco?

I don't know. It's so... upbeat.

- Poppy.
- I'm upbeat.

BARTENDER: Here you go, boys. Enjoy.

Thanks.

I mean, I'm not upbeat upbeat,
but I like some pop.

Okay. Shit.

So, mostly I think it's
infantile nonsense.

But, but disco is not pop.

Right? Disco is disco.

It's like in the '70s, the only way
to get a disco song on the radio

was if the DJs at the
gay bars played it.

That was the first time we ever had
any say in the record industry.

Disco was the sound of liberation.

I mean, sure, there were
some terrible songs.

I mean, nobody should have been
forced to listen to Disco Duck.

But you can't dismiss the whole genre.

It made a huge impact.

Like, almost every early hip-hop
song sampled a disco track.

Plus, Sylvester was an icon.

He was androgynous, you know,

and he would wear women's
clothes on stage.

Not in, like, a '60s rock star,
Marc Bolan kind of way

but in a way that felt... complete

and sincere and organic.

It was just a part of him.

His first group was
called "The Cockettes."

That is next level not giving a shit.

Listen to that crazy falsetto.

It's, the guy is a legend,

and you have to respect the legends.

Wow.

What?

It's just... when you
get this passionate.

It's perfect. You're perfect.

♪

SIMON: It felt like the right moment.

♪

I love you.

[CELL PHONE BUZZING]

It's work. I gotta...

♪

It was not the right moment.

[MINOR THREAT'S I DON'T
WANNA HEAR IT PLAYING]

♪ I don't wanna hear it,
all you do is talk about you ♪

I look like a bully in a 1980s movie.

Okay. Number four on the list:

Timothy Marshall.

I'm just kidding. It's Ben.

Of course it's fucking Ben.

I mean, there are a few
things more awkward in life

than not having the...
"I love you" returned.

But I wasn't ready to give up.

No, I was too afraid to. And then...

one day, he said it, too.

What?

Just thinking how great
it is to see your face

and how much I love you.

Say it again.

I was happy.

And I thought he loved me for me.

I love you.

SIMON: I wish I'd known
it wasn't gonna last.

I love you. I love you.

SIMON: I would've enjoyed it more.

Good.

And I love you, too.

You wanna grab breakfast somewhere?

No, I can't. I have
to go open the store.

Again? Does Rob even work there anymore?

Oh, give her a break.

Her fiancé just dumped her.
The least I could do

is work some extra hours.

It seems like a lot of
effort for a day job.

Don't worry.

She'll be back to her
apathetic self soon enough.

- Hey. Before you go...
- Hmm?

I got you something.

- What is this for?
- Well...

- I made partner.
- What?

- Holy fuckin' shit, man.
- [BENJAMIN CHUCKLES]

Oh, congratulation. I'm so proud of you.

- You're fuckin' partner.
- Yeah.

What are you buying me gifts for, man?

I should be getting you something.

Well, my firm's throwing
me a party tonight.

I really want you to be there,
and you don't have a shirt

younger than Betty White, so...

That's what this is.

This is the sweetest and
most insulting gift

I ever received.

Move in with me.

What?

You won't have to worry about rent,

and you can... quit your
job and go back to school

or find your passion, whatever that is.

I just want you to be happy.

I am happy.

No, I... You know what I mean.

Well, just promise me
you'll think about it?

Yeah.

Yeah, sure.

[CELL PHONE BUZZES]

What the fuck?

Sam?

- I'll see you tonight, baby.
- Yeah.

SIMON: See, I'd finally figured it out.

The thing that was holding
us back this whole time.

Ben was embarrassed by me.

Also, though:

Who the fuck is Sam?

Everybody listen up.

Let's hear it for the newest

and, let's face it, best dressed

partner at Reingold, Smith, and Smith,

Benjamin Young.

[ALL CHEERING]

Thank you! Uh, I couldn't have done it

without the help of me and only me.

[LAUGHTER]

- MAN: Congratulations.
- Thank you. Thank you so much.

Thank you.

[INDISCERNIBLE CONVERSATIONS]

BENJAMIN: Claudia, thank you so much.

[GBH'S GIVE ME FIRE PLAYING]

♪

♪

[GRUNTING]

♪

♪ Smoke and fire are burning bright,
we'll set the tinderbox alight ♪

[BENJAMIN LAUGHING]

♪ Life and death the red flame gives ♪

Fuckin' Sam. Fuck!

♪ Give me fire, on which I feed
give me fire, 'cause it's a need ♪

Fuck it!

♪ Real fine, I can tell,
real fine really burns in hell ♪

- I can't fuckin' believe you.
- Hey, this is...

- Yeah, I know who he is.
- What?

I get it, okay.

I'm a loser and you can't fix me,

so you start fuckin' around
with this elderly thirst trap.

In retrospect, that might
have been over the top.

- I'll give you some space...
- Thanks, Sam!

Fuck off! Go mingle, "hotstuff"!

"Sam"?

Yeah, I saw your flirty
little text with him.

I really wanted to trust Ben...

You went through my phone?

[MOCKINGLY] You went through my phone?

- But I couldn't.
- Wow. Okay.

"Sam" is my co-worker.
She has the office next to mine.

You should go.

SIMON: See, the problem with me is,

I'm pathologically insecure.

♪ Give me fire ♪

♪ Give me fire ♪

♪ Give me fire ♪

DALLAS: Whoa, whoa, whoa!

Why are you dressed like it's
your first day being gay?

You cannot leave the
house in that shirt.

Yeah, no.

Here, take mine.

No, guys, my Uber's here.

- Are you kidding me? I beg of you.
- Yeah, seriously.

- We're only trying to help you.
- Take the shirt.

You're wearing a kite, baby.

Well, I'm gonna fly high.

- Come back.
- [DOOR OPENS]

- Simon, right?
- Uh... yes.

And, uh, I'm in a bit of a hurry.

Okay, so, wrapping up here.

Number five, to the surprise
of absolutely no one...

THE HAMMER: I don't have
anywhere to be until...

SIMON: I really didn't think
I'd ever see him again.

- But then... out of nowhere...
- CAMERON: Yes!

Yes, let's go get a drink.

Roberto?

I'd love to. But,
you know, got kids to feed.

THE HAMMER: Do you, though?

Aside from him.

- You guys have fun.
- THE HAMMER: Killin' me.

- I'm literally dead.
- Bye, Cameron.

THE HAMMER: Anything here or...

- I don't think so.
- [DOORBELL TINKLES]

Yeah, me, neither.

Best record store in Brooklyn.

Thanks.

[THE HAMMER LAUGHING]

You lost?

No, I'm pretty sure
I'm in the right place.

Hey.

Hey.

CHERISE: Oh!

Oh, shit. Yup.

Mm-hmm.

BENJAMIN: I was just passing by.

Actually, I've passed by a few times.

Uh-huh.

It's been a while.

It has. It's been about a year.

Yeah, wow, a year.

So, uh,

I've been thinking about
you a lot lately.

Really?

Yeah, really.

I just... wanted to see your face.

I miss you.

Okay, here's, here's my face.

Look, we both made mistakes.

And maybe we've already given
this thing too many chances.

But I would love to hang
out with you some time.

Maybe grab a drink?

SIMON: And there he was,

standing right in front of me,

saying everything I ever wanted to hear.

[INAUDIBLE]

And I realized if I wanted
a shot at being happy,

I'd have to take a risk...

- [HORN HONKING]
- Five stars for you, my friend.

Yeah, man, you too.

And Ben just wasn't
the risk I wanted to take.

Closing up, huh?

Hey.

Simon, right?

Um, you remembered.

I was gonna ask,
what are you doing right now?

Uh, just... closing up.

Right. Um,

do you wanna get a drink maybe,

right now?

I was starting to think you'd never ask.

[IN SEARCH OF BALANCE BY
REGINALD OMAS MAMODE IV PLAYING]

What's with the shirt?

It's a long story.

Do you like it?

Not really. Doesn't
really seem like you.

- Hey, Martha.
- Hi.

[INDISCERNIBLE CONVERSATION]

♪ Just strive for balance in life ♪

♪ Go find that balance in life ♪

♪ No need for violence in life ♪

♪ Celebrate your talents in life ♪

♪ Inside there's strength from insight ♪

♪ Learn on with intent, just strive ♪

♪ Our world with grace and right ♪

♪ The way of love you'll find ♪

♪ Beneath the fake disguise ♪

♪ Just search for balance in life ♪

♪ Just search for balance in life ♪

♪ Just search for balance in life ♪

♪ Put away the violence in life ♪