Hey Arnold! (1996–2004): Season 1, Episode 3 - Arnold's Hat/Stoop Kid - full transcript

Arnold's Hat: Helga is determined to get Arnold's hat in order to complete a sculpture she's making of him "made out of his chewed gum". When Arnold won't go out of his room without his hat, Helga attempts to get it back. Stoop Kid: Gerald tells the legend of Stoop Kid, a kid who lives on his stoop and harasses the passers-by without ever leaving. When Arnold proves Stoop Kid's afraid to leave his stoop, he feels sorry for him and helps him to overcome his fears. In the end, Stoop Kid leaves his stoop but continues to stay there and harass people on "and off" his stoop.

MAN: Here we go.
HELGA: Arnold.


Hey, Arnold!




Hey, Arnold!





Move it, football head!

ALL: Hey, Arnold!


MAN: Hey, Arnold.

ALL: Hey, Arnold.
Hey, Arnold.

Hey, Arnold.

Hey, Arnold. Hey, Arnold.
Hey, Arnold.

Hey, Arnold. Hey, Arnold.
Hey, Arnold. Hey, Arnold.




Eat up, Tex.

You'll need your strength
for the cattle drive.

Yeah, right, Grandma.

That's "Calamity Grandma."

And take off your hat

while you're in
the ranch house, Tex.

Why, you've got the manners
of an old billy goat.


you know I never
take off my hat.

Yeah, once a cowboy,
always a cowboy.

Gerald, I think
the problem with this kite

is in its aerodynamics.

Well, I think
the problem with this kite

is it won't fly.

Maybe, if we add more knots
to the tail.


I better get this home fast,
before it dries.



It's so beautiful!

A monument to my beloved.

And yet,

something is missing.

But, what could it be?


Why don't we try
without the tail?

Face it, Arnold,
your kite bites.

Come on, Gerald.

Why won't you give up?

This kite doesn't belong
in the sky,

it belongs in a trash can.



Gerald, this kite's
gonna fly.

I guarantee it.

Helga, you're a genius.



What do I have to do, anyway?

All I want is his stupid hat!

That's all.

And world domination.

But right now, just the hat.

Is that too much to ask?

See? I told you
I can make it fly.

Hey, my hat!

I'll never get it!
Never, never, never!

No matter what I do,
I'll never get Arnold's hat!

Hey! Arnold's hat!

I knew I'd get it.

I knew it all the time.

Oh, Arnold, my love.


It is finished.


What's that you're saying?

I dance divinely?

My eyes are lovely?

You've never seen
a more beautiful girl?

I knew you couldn't fight
your true feelings for me.



MIRIAM: Helga!

The door's locked, honey.

What are you doing in there?

Coming, Mother.

MIRIAM: Okay, bye.

GERALD: It's no
big deal, Arnold.

It's just a hat.

Why don't you go
buy another one?

You don't
understand, Gerald,

my hat is special.

It's part of me.

It's all
in your mind, Arnold.

You look fine
without it.

Hey, Arnold,

what happened?

Did you get a bad haircut
or something?

No, Mr. Green,
I lost my hat.

Hey, Arnold,
what's with your head?

Did you lose a fight
with a lawnmower?

No, just my hat.

Hey, Arnold, are you sick?

Man, you look terrible.

See, Gerald,
it's no good.

It's just not the same
without my hat.


Oh, it's hat day

at today's game.
Just look at the crowd.

Forty thousand hats
on 40,000 heads.

Hats as far the eye can see.

There's a hat
and there's a hat.

And, there's another hat.
And over there,


Hats, hats, hats, hats,
hats, hats, hats, hat...

MILES: Here's your
very own hat, Arnold.

Oh, look at the little man.

You in that hat, Arnold,

you're perfect,
just like that.

MILES: What a guy.

GERALD: Arnold! Hey, Arnold!


Come on, kids.

Free ice cream!

The Jolly Olly Man's
gone insane!

He's passing out
free ice cream.

Come on down!

No! I'm not coming out
without my hat!

Ever! For the rest of my life!


More ice cream for me.

Oh. Oh, my beloved.

What havoc have I wrought,

tampering with the laws
of nature?

I must right this terrible
and grievous wrong,

and restore to you

that which makes
you the Arnold
I worship and adore.

I must retrieve
your precious hat,

and restore it
to your most hallowed brow.

Out of my way, Fat Boy!



Mom! Mom!

Pass the Tabasco, dear.

Uh, did you happen
to see a collection
of seemingly useless junk

randomly arranged
behind a curtain in my closet,

for no apparent reason?

MIRIAM: Uh-huh, dear,
I threw it all out.



Wait! Come back!


Stupid sanitation engineers.

I've got to get that hat back!


How's it going,

Mmm. Okay, I guess.

Oh, Arnold, I know you feel
all wrong without your hat.

I felt the same way
when my hair fell out.

I tried every trick
in the book

to hide my bare top,

but then I realized
it didn't matter.

My head looked different,

but I was
still the same person

I've always been.

You are who you are
because of what
is on the inside,

not the outside.

Yeah, I guess you're right.

But, I just can't
get used to it.

Well, you think
about what I said.

I'd talk to you some more

but I don't wanna miss
my stories.

You are who you are

because of what's
on the inside

not the outside.

The inside,

not the outside.

Are you listening, Arnold?

The inside, not the outside.

I'm gonna do it.


I can't believe this!

Three hours
of digging through garbage,

I just gotta find that hat!






Eureka! I found it!

Now, to return it
to its rightful place,

atop the darling head
of my beloved.

Ready when
you are, buddy.

Hey, Arnold,
you're looking good.

Have you been working out?

Hey, Arnold,
did you get a new haircut?

It looks nice.

Whoa, Arnold, man,

did anybody ever tell
you look like some sort of

sun-bronzed Greek god
these days?

See? I told you no big deal.

Hey, the next time
you get in my bus,

make sure you take a shower,
little lady!

Yeah, yeah.
Stick it in your ear, pal!


(LOVINGLY) Arnold.
Sorry, Helga.

I mean, watch where
you're going, football head!

(GASPS) Helga!
You found my hat!

Oh, is that your hat?

I can't believe it!

Thanks, Helga!
Thanks a lot!


Yuck! Who said
you could touch me?

Sorry, I couldn't help it.

You trying to make me
sick or something?

Take your stupid hat
and get out of here!

Okay. Thanks again, Helga.


I'll never wash
these clothes again.


HELGA: Yuck!

GERALD: Okay, Arnold,
your turn to kick off.

BOY: Car.


Okay, go for just inside
the brown moving van.

HAROLD: Move up, you guys,

Arnold can't kick.


Yeah, Arnold,

try not to hurt
your little dainty toezy-wozy.


"Toezy-wozy" this.


What a kick!

It's unbelievable.


BOY: Oops.

Of all the stoops
in the world,
it had to land on his.

Nice going, Arnold.

Nice going, jerk.

Well, maybe if we just ask
for the football, real nice.

You know Stoop Kid never lets
anybody near his stoop.

Yeah, I heard he punched a guy
just for touching his stoop.

Well, I heard he killed a kid
just for looking at his stoop.

The story of Stoop Kid
is a legend,

passed down
from grade to grade

for over six years.

And our own Gerald
is the keeper of the tale.

Go ahead, Gerald.
Tell it.

ALL: Ooh!


The Legend of Stoop Kid.

In the beginning,
like so many of us,

Stoop Kid was just a baby,

a baby left mysteriously

on the stoop
of that very building.


Some say
he was abandoned there.

Others say that
he was dropped there
from the sky by aliens.

And still others say
that he grew from a seed

lodged between the cracks
of the sidewalk.

Whatever the reason,
lo and behold,

tiny Stoop Kid
was left to raise himself

on the stoop at which
he was fated to call his home.

And as he grew,

he came to know and love
his stoop as his only family.

But, there's also a dark side.


Embittered by the love
and normal boyhood

that were stolen from him,

Stoop Kid became meaner
and meaner by the day.

He began to lash out
at the passers-by,

taking out upon them,

the anger of a young,
loveless child.

He became so protective
of his stoop,

that whom so much
as looked at it,

would face the wrath
of the Stoop Kid.

His accusatory barbs and,
yeah, even physical violence.

The end.

Good job, Gerald.


So, what's the point?

So, the point is, Arnold,

you ain't getting
your football back.

So, forget about it, man.




How's it going?

I guess that my, uh,

football landed
on your stoop, huh?

Go ahead, pick it up.

Nah, that's okay. I'll just
leave it here for now.

No big deal. See ya!

This is gonna be harder
than I thought.



What are you looking at,

Yeah, that's right,
I'm talking to you.

Come on, Bibi.

Just keep away from my stoop.


Hey, Park!

Oh, sorry, Arnold.
I forgot you were in there.

Are you sure
you don't wanna come inside?

No thanks, Park.

I gotta keep watch
until he leaves his stoop.

Okay, but you know

Stoop Kid
never leaves his stoop.




"the Little Engine said,

"'I think I can,

"'I think I can.'"

Wow, what a great book.


Arnold. Hey, Arnold!


Where is he? Did he leave?

Yo! Get away from my stoop!

That's right, you!

This is my stoop!

He's still there.
I can't believe it.

I only fell asleep
for about an hour.

I told you, Arnold,

Stoop Kid
never leaves his stoop.


Face it, Arnold,

you're never gonna get
your football back.

But, I just don't...

Hey, wait a second, I got it.

What if I just sneak up
when he's not looking,

grab the football and run?

Are you crazy?

He'll just chase you down
and pulverize you.

How can he,

if he never leaves his stoop?

Arnold, you're bold.

Bold and crazy.

Just, back me up, okay?

Okay, I'll be
right behind you.

Hey! Walk around!

Keep your eyes of my stoop,
old man!

(LAUGHING) That's right.

And watch where
you're sticking that cane!


Get back here,
you little weasel!

Nobody touches my stoop!

Come back here!

You little runt!

Yes, you did it!

Come back here
and face me like a man!

Nobody touches my stoop!


Hey, Arnold, you're right,
he didn't leave his stoop.

You know what, Gerald,

I think he's afraid
to leave his stoop.

What's going on?

Stoop Kid's afraid
to leave his stoop.

Stoop Kid's afraid
to leave his stoop?

He's afraid! He's afraid!

Hey, Stoop Kid,

why don't you
leave your stoop?

What are you, scared?


Come here
and say that, tubby!

Stoop Kid's scared
to leave his stoop.

We're touching your stoop.

Cut it out!

Hey, I'm warning you!

Hey, I'm gonna pound you,
you little maggot!

Stoop Kid's scared
to leave his stoop.

I'm spreading the word.

ALL: Hey!

(CHANTING) Stoop Kid's afraid
to leave his stoop!

Stoop Kid's afraid
to leave his stoop!

Stoop Kid's afraid
to leave his stoop!

Stoop Kid's afraid
to leave his stoop!

Stoop Kid's afraid
to leave his stoop!



What is that?

Stoop Kid, is that you?


ARNOLD: Stoop Kid?

STOOP KID: Who's that?

Get out of here, kid!

What's wrong?
STOOP KID: Nothing.

Just shut up
and leave me alone.

Hey, come on,
it can't be that bad.

STOOP KID: But it is!

Everybody's making fun of me!

Maybe, if you tried
to leave the stoop,

people wouldn't make fun.


I can't!

What if I tried to help you?

It'd just be a waste of time.

What do you got to lose?

Look, there's a whole world
out there for you to see.

But, you're never gonna see it
if you don't leave the stoop.

Yeah, but what's so great
about the world, anyway?

I'm glad you asked.

I checked these out
at the library, just for you.

You may have
your little stoop here,

but beyond this stoop,

there's a whole bunch
of other stoops.

Look at this.


Look at that stoop.

That's the Spanish Steps
in Rome.

It's one of the biggest stoops
in the world.

Well, I gotta admit,
that's pretty cool.

Yeah, and look at this.


It's the Pyramid of the Sun.

Ancient Aztec ruins.

It's the greatest stoop
I have ever seen.

Well, it's just one
of the great stoops out there.

And, if you wanna see 'em,

all you have to do is
take that one big step
off your stoop.

STOOP KID: Arnold,

I'm gonna do it.

I'm gonna leave the stoop!

Yo, Mr. Green,
I just heard that Stoop Kid's
leaving his stoop.


The legend dies, Harvey.

Stoop Kid's gonna
leave his stoop!

I didn't know
there was gonna be
so many people here.

Don't worry about them,
Stoop Kid,

just keep concentrating.

I don't know
if I can do it, Arnold.

You can do it, I know you can.

Stoop Kid's
gonna leave the stoop!

Stoop Kid's
gonna leave the stoop!

Stoop Kid's
gonna leave the stoop!

Stoop Kid's gonna leave...

I think I can.

I think I can.

Stoop Kid's
gonna leave the stoop!


You did it. You did it!

Hey! Hey, yeah!

I did do it!
I left the stoop!

I'm free!

Thanks, Arnold.

Thanks a lot.

Well, I guess there's
no holding you back anymore.

You'll probably wanna go out
and see the whole world now.

What, are you kidding?

I can't leave my stoop.

What do you mean?
Why not?

Oh, sure,
I could leave the stoop,

but for now, I'm just gonna
keep hanging out here,

'cause I'm Stoop Kid.

That's who I am.

You know, Arnold,
you taught me a great thing.

Now, I can harass people
from my stoop,

and from off my stoop!


Gee, that wasn't
really the point.

Hey, Stoop Kid, you baby,

where's your diapers?

Little baby Stoop Kid
is afraid to leave his stoop.





Come here, Fat Boy!

I'm gonna roll you downtown!