Hetty Feather (2015–2020): Season 6, Episode 1 - The Final Chapter: Part One - full transcript

"As day breaks, the creatures of the
house emerge from their cobwebs

"and cocoons to prowl the corridors.

"Lady Grimface, hunting for specks
of dust, invisible to the ordinary

"eye, with which to berate
the hapless St Agnes."

Agnes?

"And then there is
Miss Constantly Bothered,

"as yet another music teacher
flees the house.

"Still, the sound of her playing
scares the mice away,

"along with her brother,
who hides wherever he can.

"Meanwhile, St Agnes,
still only PROVISIONAL housekeeper,

"continues her daily battle
for dominion over the underworld



"with provisional cook
Miss Sheila Would-be."

I thought I asked for this area
to be kept tidy.

This is the laundry yard, which
is the housekeeper's job!

It's the kitchen yard -

the cook's job!

"I fear that one day
they will square off for a duel,

"And dear Giddy Up, fussing
about with his pots and plants..."

Washed and pressed,
and I've sewn the pocket.

It's your old valet jacket.
I'm not a valet.

I'm a gardener... Groundsman.

Since Jack left, I'm a groundsman.

"..coaxed daily by his beloved
to climb the social steps

"when his heart belongs
to the great outdoors.

"But nothing is so terrifying
to the squirrels and bats



"and the ordinary mortal maiden
servants..."

What on Earth is this doing here?!
It's for cleaning.

Well, don't just leave it where
anyone could walk into it.

TUNELESS VIOLIN PLAYING

"..as the master of the house,
Mr Colander, always under strain

"as time and money
slip, slip away."

Colander? As in the cooking utensil?
The strainer.

He's encouraged them, hasn't he?

Then he should beware
we have a writer in the house.

It'll do us all good to have some
fun poked at us.

I'll read it to him myself.
And they shall publish it when?

Mrs Rosa-moan, always grumbling.
Grumbling. I know, but you don't.

"Always grumbling,

"as she marches around with a scowl
stuck to her face.

"It's hardly surprising.
She has nothing to do.

"And when she does try
to do something,

"she's not too bright about it.

"Like when she tried to appoint
a butler who ended

"up in prison for arson and theft,

"while his predecessor
just ran away with the loot.

"Perhaps it's best not to ask her
to do anything at all."

You wish to see me, ma'am?

Ah, St Agnes, yes.

We're expecting some guests. They're
friends of Hetty. And Sheila.

Of course. Sheila, too.

They're getting
married in the parish

and they need somewhere to stay.

I thought we could open up
the old groundsman's cottage.

That's been shuttered
since Jack left.

Perhaps we could un-shutter it?

Yes. Of course, Mrs Calendar.

I'll see to it.

You're right. I do need to decide
about Agnes and Sheila's jobs.

Will Agnes become insufferable
if I make her permanent housekeeper?

She's insufferable now.

And Sheila as cook? Oh, she's easy.

So long as you don't talk to her
while she's cooking,

or step on the floor she's just
cleaned, or...

GASPS
Mrs Calendar? I think it's coming.

Would you call Lady Grenford,
please, Hetty? Yes. Yes, of course.

Oh! Argh!

Hurry!

TUNELESS VIOLIN PLAYING

William's christening was well
attended, but you've moved on.

We should expect at least one
bishop, possibly two.

And no less than three
Members of Parliament,

including one from the Upper House.

Is it really necessary for every
child to learn a musical

a smattering of representation
from one of the Royal Societies.

It doesn't matter which.

What is the meaning of this?
Did nobody ever teach you to knock?

It's Mrs Calendar.
The baby, it's coming!

Get the kitchen to boil water.

Dispatch someone to bring the
doctor. Well, come on, see to it!

Who's got to sort out linen? Oh, and
I suppose they'll want food, too!

This is Calendar Hall,
not a boarding house!

But it's a wedding,
and weddings are lovely.

Are they?!
Well, don't expect a day off for it.

KNOCK AT DOOR

Yes? Just wondered if there were any
cakes left over from breakfast.

This isn't a tea room, Gideon!

Meals are for mealtime, and you're
getting mud all over the floor! Out!

Oh, and did you say you'd clean
the floor? Look at it!

Water, towels, sheets.

It's the baby!

Come on!

In order to achieve which you need
to let go of the desk,

Rosamund, dear.
Yes, yes, I'm sorry.

You have done this before.

TUNELESS PLAYING

I think it's coming.
Everyone's in a flap.

If it's another boy,
I will teach him the names of all

the beetles, and the trees, and the
constellations of the night sky.

If it's a girl,
what will you teach her?

If it's a girl, I shall hate it.

This way, sir.

George, if anything should happen
to me, if it goes wrong...

It won't. Don't be silly.
..please don't mourn me.

Let the light back in.
Promise me, George.

KNOCK AT DOOR

The doctor, milady.

Oh, good! Excellent!
Dr Samson, please, your patient.

Agnes, more towels. George, out.

Chop, chop.

It seems that we have a new
Miss Calendar.

Congratulations, George.
It's a girl.

How is Rosamund?

Both doing splendidly.

And both... Mwah!

..expecting you!

OWL HOOTS

Have you seen her? Did you get a
look? No, but I certainly heard her.

She's got quite a voice,
I can tell you.

I think William's been in.
Constance?

I don't think so, not yet. Oh,
can you take this up to Mr Calendar?

Hetty, what do you think you're
doing? You'll crease it.

Have they published your article?
They have, haven't they?

Yes, they have!

"Chronicles
of a Country House, Part One.

"An ordinary day in Pomp
and Circumstance Manor."

Am I in it?

Hetty? You said you would.

Dizzy Lizzie! I hope you haven't
written anything about me.

Tray for Mrs Calendar?

I'm just going to take it up.
I can do that.

Well, trays are a kitchen job.

Upstairs is my job,
and that tray is going upstairs.

BOTH: Hetty!

Oh, Hetty! Thank you!
Put it on the table.

BABY GURGLES
You can say hello, if you wish,

to Lily. That's a beautiful name.

I hope you shall be friends.

What? You can't be friends
with a famous writer?

All that matters is that she knows
who she's meant to be

and she does what she loves.

You know who you are
and you know what you love.

You must do it.

Yes, I do. Well,
let me see it. Please.

Oh!

Mr Calendar doesn't like it
when his paper's rumpled.

He shall be so proud
of you, as I am, Hetty.

So proud! Oh...

Mrs Calendar, are you all right?

Oh, what have we here, Rosamund?
Moping around?

And idle staff, by the look of it.

I don't think she's very well,
Lady Grenford.

Oh, tush! Nothing that a little
fresh air can't fix.

No, really. I think
she's taken poorly.

Where is the nursery maid?
I think she's with William.

Good. I'll ask her to take Lily too,
but Hetty,

you must send someone to
fetch the doctor.

Tell them to be quick.

George!

George... Yes, I'll bring him.

I don't know what all the fuss
is about. We've had babies before.

William was a baby,

before he became a horrid little
child. Ah! Here we are!

I thought you
might like to see your new sister.

Does she look like a baby?
Yes, I believe she does.

So did William. What's there to see?

If you're not pleased, Constance,
you could at least appear to be,

for your mother's sake.

Of course I'm pleased.
She'll be my little friend!

And I can teach her how to be
a LADY, with my DEPORTMENT

and my DELICATE conversation.

Was that convincing, Papa?

I see you've been speaking
with my godmother.

When you were very little,
we had a birthday picnic for Emily.

Why don't we do that, eh?

Then Lily can get to know
her big sister,

who I wouldn't want to
change in any way.

Not for a moment.

What do you say?

Could I bring my friends?

Yes, of course.

And they would be...? And Hetty
and Sheila and Agnes and Gideon...

Yes, of course. Your friends would
be most welcome. George!

Rosamund?

Rosamund, my darling.

The doctor's on his way.

Thank you, Hetty.
Will you receive him when

he arrives? Bring him without delay.
Yes, milady.

BELL CHIMES

BELL CONTINUES CHIMING

You should have some breakfast.

It's Constance's birthday today.
Had you forgotten?

I don't know.

Yes.

I expect I had.

She misses you.

You still have duties, George.

Chin up, old boy.

It's been, what, three weeks?

Time to move on.

Happens all the time, these...

Whatever it was that
took my Rosamund.

Some...

..silly little...complication.

She told us what she wanted,
and it wasn't this.

She said, "Don't mourn."

I'm not mourning.

It's just that I have...

I have nothing left.

So, take this, please, and...

..leave me in peace.

We have a house to run.

So, run it!

Good morning, Miss Constance.
Many happy...

..returns.

Is anything being done to
celebrate my sister's birthday?

No, not that I've heard.

Mr Calendar said about a picnic,
but that was before...

Don't worry.

Lizzie...

..we need to speak to the kitchen.

And if Lady Grenford
were to find out?

Nobody should go without a birthday.

Well, you can prepare food
and take Master Edwin,

but we remain at our posts.

Miss Constance wanted all of us.
She said we're her friends.

We'll do trifle, lemon tart.
What about strawberries?

They're fresh in.

I'll get the basket.

Rice pudding.

Miss Constance loves her rice
pudding, doesn't she?

Right, come on, then.

Aw!

DOOR OPENS

Miss Constance?

Master Edwin was asking if we could
take him out to the garden.

He was thinking...perhaps the folly?

Might be nice to get some fresh air.

Can't Gideon do it?
He asked for you, Miss Constance.

Now Mr Calendar's on his own, he's
got even more need of assistance.

I'm sure he'll advertise
when he's ready.

You know Hetty's after
the housekeeper's job?

We're a team, you and me. Nobody
would shoo you out of the kitchen.

Hetty doesn't want to be
a housekeeper.

She'd be terrible -
forgetting the laundry

where I answer to nobody's bell.

What do you think?
Great place! It's perfect!

What is this?

For your birthday.

You did this for me?
Happy birthday, Miss Constance.

Here. Your little sister.

There, she's so beautiful.

Yes, she is.

What will you teach her, Constance?

Violin.

LAUGHTER

What's so funny?

And I can show you how to climb
trees and swim in ponds.

How to chase rabbits
and find snakes.

How to get muddy,
and what to think about

when they're telling you off for it.

Ahem!

What is this?

Hm?

A picnic?

Well?

Can nobody speak?

It's my birthday picnic,
Lady Grenford.

And these are my friends.

Oh!

Then, the question is...

..do you have any trifle?

Oh, er, we have. Yes. Good!

Because I'm quite partial
to a little trifle.

May I?

To value everyone she knows,

and every moment of her life.

Every sweet, precious moment.

You were the best mother
I could have asked for.

You always had something
wise to say.

And a hug to go with it.

You were the first person to really,
really believe in me

and what I could do -

my writing, my stories.

It's all about us.

It's just a silly thing.

Mrs Calendar didn't think so.

Please, Hetty.

Fetch your book and read it to us.
I think you must.

I'm afraid it pokes fun at everyone.

I do hope that includes me.

It is a little ridiculous,
is it not,

to worry so much about who's
who, the differences between us,

the walls that separate
one from another.

Rosamund could never see them.

She only ever saw the good in us,

in all of us. Even...in me.

So, let's honour her wishes,
shall we?

She said no mourning,

and to let the light back in.

We must try and do that...

..and remember her with joy.

Please, Hetty, I would love
to hear these writings.

Come on, keep up!
Did you have to pack quite so much?

And that wasn't a new pair of shoes
you bought in London? One pair,

that's all, because I ruined the old
ones, slipping about on the deck.

Well, you should have stayed
in the cabin.

We should have stayed in America.

Sea sickness, bed bugs, no room
to move, five days and nights?

Friends, Hetty, Gideon, Sheila,
the people we love around us

when we get married. Didn't Sheila
used to pull your hair?

That was a long time ago.

If it was such a long time ago,
why are we here?

It's a bit quiet, isn't it?
Don't you think?

I mean, have we seen anyone?

Harriet! Mathias!

Oh! It's so good to see you!

Mrs Calendar, she...

She died, after the birth. Oh, no!
That's... That's so sad.

Well, you can leave your bags here.
Just... Just join everyone.

Tell them who you are.
I'm just getting something.

I'll see you there.
Through the gate.

Mr Calendar, sir?

What else did you write about her?

"Rosa-moan".

"Not too bright about it."

Not too bright...

You thought so little of her?
It was meant as a joke.

She asked me to write it. You live
under my roof, you eat my food,

and all the while,
spreading poison about my wife!

I would never do that!
She was my friend!

She was your mistress!

Lady Grenford was right.

Let the servants get above
themselves and the next thing...

Please, please, don't!
..they're making fools of us...

Mr Calendar, please!

..with their vicious little stories
and their stupid little lies!

Stop it! You have no right to do
that! It's my writing! Oh, is it?

And what is your writing with
no-one to publish it?

You thought you could use me,
didn't you? My newspaper!

Well, you can rest assured, we shall
never take another word from you!

And neither will anyone else.

I shall see to it. You can
think about that on the streets!

You are dismissed!

Now, pack your things and go!

LAUGHTER

Harriet?

Mathias!

You must be our guests
from New York!

I'm Lady Grenford.
Perhaps Hetty wrote to you about me?

She... I think
she mentioned you, yes.

And my genial disposition, no doubt.
Well, come in. Settle down.

I don't bite...all the time.

We're saying goodbye
to an old friend.

I'm so sorry.

And hello to a new one.

I never thought I'd find
myself here again.

No home, no work and nowhere to go.

I don't even have my writing.

And without that, what am I?

For the first time in a very
long time,

I'm afraid where the road
will take me.

Mr Calendar, please, I...

All I know is that I'll have to
follow it, because this time

there is no going back.

Has there been any news? Nothing.

She said she would let us
know her address when she had one.

Get off! Ugh! Get off!

As I live and breathe!

You don't get it, do you?
This whole thing's jinxed!

First Hetty, now this!

Matron?!