He's with Me (2013–…): Season 2, Episode 6 - Surprise Dinner, Part One - full transcript

Hello Lyle, it's Martin, again.

Since it's been three days
since I've heard from you

I'm assuming that you are
at the proverbial lunch

preparing to meet me for
the proverbial dinner.

If you would like
to prove me wrong,

you know where to find me.

I, I, I didn't
know you were in here.

Yeah, I'm just in here, gonna.

Well, I just have to put
on a few finishing touches

before dinner so just let
me know when you're done.

- Yeah.
- And I'll be in there next.



- Okay.
- Okay.

- Yeah, love you.
- Okay.

- Bye.
- Love you.

I think you
missed a spot right here.

I was thinking my neck that
my neck needed some kissing.

Anywhere else need kissing?

Maybe later.

I just want to get
through dinner.

Don't be nervous.

My parents are good people.

They have their faults.

My mom, my mom could be
doing more as a mother,

namely less.

And then my dad, my dad
is gruff and he's scary,



but I think they're
gonna love you.

How do they feel about Julie?

They didn't like Julie.

Come to think of it,

they didn't like any
girls I brought home.

Okay, well now you're
making me feel nervous.

But they weren't the ones, okay.

I didn't even like
them that much.

This is different.

You're the one.

It makes me feel better
to hear you say that.

Perfect.

Really?

More than.

Ready?

Yeah.

Look who's here.

Being greeted by
the chef de cuisine.

Oui, oui.

We feel very special.

And a coat rack in the hall,

my gosh,
it's like we're at Lou Tetis.

I know, we're very fancy here.

Of course, I promised to
cook 'cause all Marty makes

is his sauce, you know,
his really sugary sauce.

I heard
congratulations are in order.

Yay!

For what?

I told you last week
Benny's playing the lead

in Marty and Ted's commercial.

And he did a great job.

Thank you, Marty.

You didn't tell me that.

I most certainly did tell you.

Of course, you were probably
just jotting down anecdotes

in that little black
book of yours.

I don't jot anecdotes.

I don't even know
what that means.

Benny, will you please
show me to a glass of wine.

Absolutely.

Right this way.

Wine.

Hey Marty,
can I ask you a question?

For real?

What does that mean?

Well, you've never really
asked me anything before.

I haven't?

No.

So, what was it like
shooting a commercial?

Actually,
I'm hanging up my thorax.

I'm thinking about
getting a real job.

Alright, well listen,

if I ask you this,
you gotta promise me

not to smirk or roll your
eyes or tilt your head

or bite your lip
or make fun of me

in any way, shape or form.

Okay?

Okay.

Jesus, you still want me to ask?

Yes.

Alright, well, before I do,

I gotta tell you something.

Not too long ago
I went to see a shrink.

Really, why?

Well, I've been
trying to understand my life

a little bit better and
not just wake up everyday

and do it all over again.

And part of that's been
writing down what happens to me

and how I feel about it.

My shrink told me to do that.

So, is it helping?

Yeah, I think so.

I mean,
it's only been a few weeks,

but it's kinda morphed
into something

that I think a lot
of guys must feel.

Sort of like a manual
for alpha males.

That's my question.

Will you read it.

Why would you want me,
of all people, to read it?

You're a writer.

I know you'll tell me the truth.

Sure, Eddie.

I'd love to.

Thanks, Marty.

Are we like getting
along now or something?

You have Scotch, right?

Yeah.

Hi, everybody.

Hey, hello.

Hi, hi, hi.

My people, my people.

So, what are you guys, nervous?

Henny meeting the parents.

Hey Val,
remember meeting my folks?

Yes, it was very formal.

It was at your nephew's
soccer game, I think.

Yeah, that was a great game.

We're looking forward to
seeing Bruce again, Ted.

My gosh, Bruce is jazzed

and my mom's gonna burst.

Theo, there he is.

There's my number one.

Wow, mom, you're strong.

All bones.

My bony number one.

I don't wanna let you go.

Tonight is so special
and I want you to know

how much I love you and
I'm so happy for you

and whatever happens,
you're my number one.

Okay, now, which one is Martin?

That's me, Mrs. Adams.

Alice.

You do dress better.

Excuse me?

All gay men dress
so much better.

You read, too, right?

I can and do.

Good to see you, son.

Good to see you, dad.

Martin, good to see you again.

Good to see you, too, Bruce.

I hope you'll sit next
to Ted at dinner tonight.

Why is that?

I just think that'd
be a good idea.

Okay.

Mom,
dad this is Henny Hernandez.

Henny, you are just lovely,
aren't you?

Aren't you?

Thank you, Mrs. Adams.

You're lovely, aren't you?

Thank you.

No, I want you to say it.

You are lovely.

Say it.

I am lovely.

You sure are.

Isn't she lovely, Bruce?

Yes, yes you are lovely.

It's very nice to meet you.

We're very happy
Ted'll have someone.

Eddie, little Eddie.

Is that you?

My goodness
gracious starry night.

You are a big, grown man.

You are.

Thank you, Mrs. A, it's
good to see you again.

This is my wife, Valerie.

You are something.

You are something.

Say it.

You are something.

I are something.

You have a very,

giving, tender,
healing energy about you.

Maybe you should
sit next to Ted.

Well, I think Henny
should sit next to Ted.

Alice,
would you like a cocktail?

See, see, what
good host gay men make.

I am so glad Ted has you.

You should sit next to him.

I'm Benny, by the way.

Are you gay?

Yeah.

Good, so nice to meet you.

Thank you.

It is so funky in here.

Nothing like New York City.

So, Henny.

Yes.

Hernandez?

Yes.

Hernandez.

Yes.

So, that's Spanish?

Yes.

My father's family's from Spain.

I was born here.

We go back there a lot.

It must be hot there.

Yes, it can be.

You can come in now.

Not now, Alice.

We just sat down.

Well, she just can't walk
around the neighborhood

for much longer, you know.

Alright, time for what?

Why did you bring the pail, mom?

She's just trying
to be prepared.

This isn't easy.

What's not easy?

Seriously, what's going on?

Everybody here loves Ted, right?

Of course.

And we are delighted
that you're all here

and we certainly wouldn't
dream of upstaging

Ted's very happy
news about wedding...

No, no, not at all.

You will be such a good
cultural influence on him

and you're so lovely.

Thank you.

Okay, what's going on?

Benny, door.

Let's wait a minute.

Who's coming?

Who's here?

Hi.

Hola.

Hi.

Where is he?

Hello.

Who are you?

Theodore, we have some news

that we'd like to
share with you.

Now that you're getting
older and getting married

and now that you have all
your friends around you.

We think it's time, baby.

This is Barbara.

Hi, Barbara.

I go by Barbie.

Okay, Barbie.

Listen, I am royally,
royally, royally

freaked out right now.

So, forgive me for being blunt,

but who the hell are you?

I'm your mother, baby.