He's with Me (2013–…): Season 2, Episode 5 - The Romance Department - full transcript

There's a smile people
rarely see, I imagine.

You must be writing
something scathing.

I'm not a critic anymore.

At least not for the theatre.

Have you had to review us?

Well, the first
act hasn't been so bad.

That doesn't
sound too optimistic.

I'm just treading lightly.

I think I've made it pretty
obvious I'm interested.

That's exactly why.

Protective?



Well,
once upon a time I was pursued

by a guy who I actually
saw for a couple of weeks.

He was smart, attractive,
the whole deal.

And it was going well, I was,

I was excited.

Until one day we were
having breakfast together.

Sounds like a good night.

I thought so.

At breakfast he asked if I
wanted to meet for dinner,

and I said, "Yes, of course."

And by the time we met

he was like a totally
different person.

Pulling away at lightning speed

until he left and then
I never saw him again.



I often wonder what the hell
he had for lunch that day.

Hey, let's not let on
that we're anything

more than business associates
today at the shoot.

I haven't told Ted that we've

seen each other
outside of the office.

Okay?

If that's the way you like it.

Not bad.

You're pretty good at the piano.

Maybe we should
carry it around with us.

You're amazingly cynical,
aren't you?

Me?

Now why would you say that?

Rumor has it you're human.

Who snitched?

Let's stop on this piano,

let's go.

Another great class, Valerie.

Thanks, Naomi.

You have a beautiful practice.

Breathing is the key.

Yes.

Hey, have you ever thought of

starting your own business?

Yoga for pregnant women?

Not really.

Is there even a market for that?

There's a market.

I'm in freelance
marketing and I've been

looking to start a new business.

I've been so
inspired by your class,

I think you would be the
perfect business to create.

Now, I know you have my
contact information but

take a look at my work
and let me know

if you'd like to talk further.

Beyond your talent you have this

maternal quality
that I could brand

into something really special.

And lucrative.

I really don't know what to say.

It's not anything I'd
given any thought to,

I mean given how
new I am to yoga.

Think about it.

I've got to go because
I'm having a huge

craving for a snickerdoodle.

I mean, I'm having a huge
craving for a Cosmopolitan

but a snickerdoodle
will have to do.

See you next Wednesday.

Namaste, Naomi.

Hi Daniel.

Hey, what are you doing here,

are you skipping school again?

No, it's a teachers
day or something.

Are you keeping your grades up?

I'm trying.

Are you?

Well, I'm trying to try.

Daniel,
you gotta have good grades

if you wanna do stuff in life.

Look at me, I loved school,

and now I own my own boutique,

and I'm getting
my yoga certification,

and Naomi just offered to
make me into a business.

Really?

Yoga business?

Yep.

Yoga for mom's to be.

I can see it.

You're the mothering kind.

They could learn a lot from you.

You really think so?

Sure, and believe me,

I know mothers.

Bad ones mostly but

I've been in six foster homes

and every single foster
mom has pretty much

sucked.

But you?

The first thing you do is ask me

about my school work.

You nag just like
a mother should.

Well, I'm still not sure.

I am.

That Naomi chick is sure.

For somebody
failing out of school,

you seem pretty sure.

I sure am.

Seems like you old people make

a lot of confusion
for yourselves.

We do.

I'm pretty confused
most of the time.

Have you asked him what the hell

he's writing in that
damn book yet?

Er, language.

Sorry,
that's how you always say it.

Great role model I am aren't I?

No, I have not asked him yet.

I will.

I am gonna get changed
and take you to lunch.

I'll have to check
my calendar first.

That's what I thought.

Hello.

Hey.

Is Val around?

Yeah, she's changing.

Who are you?

I'm Eddie.

This is Chico.

Hey little dog.

I'm Daniel.

The infamous Daniel.

So we finally meet.

You getting those grades up?

Man, she has a big mouth.

No argument there, big man.

She keeps telling me I have to

get good grades to, like,

be something in life.

She's, like, right.

Yeah?

What do you do?

I'm a Detective for the New
York City Police Department.

Cool!

Yeah, it does sound pretty cool.

You don't think so?

No, I like my job.

It's just

not as exciting
as it used to be.

But I'll always think
my job sounds cool.

I always thought about

what it would be
like to be a cop.

You're right, Daniel, I really

should just ask Eddie.

Hey.

What are you doing here?

Just thought I'd take Chico,
here,

on a long walk on my day off

and take you out to lunch.

What were you gonna ask me?

Nothing.

Daniel and I were
just talking nonsense.

You met?

We did.

Yep, we met.

Hey,
you wanna join us for lunch?

Maybe we can talk
more about being a cop.

You wanna be a cop now?

Maybe.

I don't know.

We'll discuss it over lunch.

Cool.

Cool.

Cool.

Do you mind if I chew gum

when we're not shooting?

Is that cool?

Alrighty.

Shooting.

Sorry.

It's all exciting.

I'm actually waiting to be shot.

There's not even
a gun in the place!

It's just a little joke.

Okay, I just need to relax.

Wow, wow.

I mean,
you wait and wait for a break

and then you're doing
a national commercial.

I know, I know.

I should just calm down.

Just calm down, it's just
the initial rush, you know.

Hi.

Powder me, darling.

I'm an oily little cockroach.

I'm even wearing make-up,

like the professional stuff.

Not like how I do it at home.

Not that I wear make-up a lot.

I, I don't.

Just for the occasional
date or audition.

Date, audition, date, audition.

Same thing, right?

I mean.

She's awesome.

Maybe you're married,
are you married?

You could be married.

I'm currently unattached.

Except for the 2000
others of us in the walls.

Behind the fridge,
under the stove.

This doesn't breathe that much.

I'm in love with
that man over there.

He thinks I'm an annoyance.

A nobody.

He thinks I'm silly.

And I do silly things.

Someone like him could
never love someone like me.

Just a silly little,

annoying nobody.

But here I am.

Big leagues!

Top shelf.

Numero uno!

You ready, Benny?

Yeah.

Yeah.

I'm ready.

I'm just, I'm just,

I think I'm.

Erm, I believe the
cockroach just left the room.

It's fine Lyle, I'm
sure it's just stage fright.

Benny?

The stage is frightened of
him, not the other way around.

I'll go see if he's alright.

Actually, let me go.

You sure?

Yeah, I'll handle it.

Nicely.

Anyway, maybe he crouches over,

crosses his eyes, I'm not sure.

Logo comes out, fade to black.

He's obviously come
back into the scene,

he's dead, right.

Benny, what are you doing?

Don't do that.

It took a lot of time and money
to make you look like that.

And quite frankly,
you didn't think

it would take very long to make

me look like an insect, right?

Or something like that.

What?

You would never be
with someone like me.

The idiot in the
cockroach costume.

Benny.

No, you're right.

For the first time
since I met you

I actually understand
what you mean.

Just now I looked
at myself in the mirror

and what I saw just took over.

I thought I felt proud.

Like I had accomplished
this big thing.

And then I looked closer.

Longer.

And you're right.

Do you feel proud
about dressing like this

and sharing it with
the whole world?

I can't do it, Marty,
please don't make me.

Benny, it's just a
part, everyone knows that.

Now, there's a lot
of money at stake here.

Not just for Ted's
company but for you too.

Be noble tomorrow
when you're richer.

It's not about being noble.

Or rich or poor.

Maybe rich, a little bit.

Benny, don't listen to me.

What do I know?

You're happy
pursuing your dreams.

What's wrong with that?

People should
pursue their dreams.

This is not my dream.

Hey,
I can't tell you what to do.

And I'm not going to force you.

But the Benny Costa that I know

and like would never
miss an opportunity

to entertain people.

And make them laugh.

You didn't get the job
because you're silly.

You got the job
because you're good.

You're the funniest
person we saw.

And it's hard to be funny.

That should make you proud,
Benny.

Did you and Martin come
in together this morning?

I'm not sure, did we?

Yeah, I thought so.

You enjoying working with him?

Martin?

Of course I am.

Yeah, he's good.

He's a good guy.

He's one of the good ones.

Is there something you're
trying to ask me, Ted?

It's just,
I know Martin and I haven't

heard anything about you.

Normally he meets
someone and he's like

talking them up
or talking them down.

And I haven't heard
anything about Lyle.

We've had a few dates.

I knew it.

I knew it.

I knew it.

I'm like, "Have these guys
been on a couple dates?"

And I'm like, "No,
Ted you're crazy."

But I'm like, "Wow,
Theodore, no you're not."

Alright,
give it a couple minutes.

I'm not sure he's coming back.

You told him.

He guessed.

He guessed, you guessed?

I guessed.

I wasn't ready to tell you.

We're BFF's,
you tell me everything.

This is not the time to talk

about my love life.

You have a love life?

Could have told me
you were dating Lyle.

I wasn't sure he was
going to stick around.

You two are dating, Marty?

So, do you like him?

Who?

Lyle.

Do you like Lyle?

Maybe.

It's too soon to tell,

that's why I didn't
want to let you know.

I mean, it could all
end up being nothing

like it has before.

What about the guy online,

why don't you meet him?

I don't know, I just want him

to remain a mystery a
little bit longer, you know?

It's not a big deal, I just
like the way he writes.

And what have you?

Yeah, I like that he sounds

a little old fashioned,
you know?

I'm just so unsettling
putting myself out there.

I just wanna take this
Lyle thing as it comes

and not get ahead of myself.

I can already see
the Great Wall of Atoms

going up again.

Hey, I'm not 20 anymore.

I'm just protecting myself.

Nobody's getting hurt.

I'm so sorry.

It's Martin, right?

Er, yes, and I'm sorry I'm
always forgetting your name.

Dana.

Dana.

This is my friend Ted.

Hey, Dana.

I haven't seen you around much.

Wasn't sure you still
lived in the building.

Er, yeah, 553.

550.

Feel free to stop
by on Friday's.

I usually have friends
over after work for

drinks and food
and what have you.

It'd be good to see you.

Er, thanks.

See you around.

Yep.

It was nice to meet you, Ted.

You too, Dana.