He's with Me (2013–…): Season 2, Episode 11 - Adult Men, Part Two - full transcript

You wanna make
me head of creative?

Let's face it Ted,

you've got something
that we need right now.

You've got some balls,
and you've got integrity.

So let's get me a drink,

let's order some lunch,

and let's sit around and discuss

how we might make this all work.

Now where the
hell is the waiter?

Hey, what's going on?

Hey, I got some great news,



and I came to a realization.

Yeah?

Just had a lunch with Gibson.

He said the exterminating
campaign was incredible

and he wanted to promote
me to creative director.

Wow.

Teddy that's wonderful!

What was the realization?

Okay, so I was sitting there

waiting for him to give
me some horrible news.

'Cause these last few months

have just been one
thing after another.

And I was thinking to myself,

I'm not sweating, I don't
feel like I'm gonna throw up.



Whatever he throws
at me I'm gonna get up

and walk out of here.

And then he told me he wanted
to make me creative director.

So, I felt happy.

I didn't wanna crawl
under the table.

I didn't wanna freak out.

I just felt like I'd earned it,
you know?

Like I grew up a little bit.

Ted Adams, adult man.

Lot of that by the way,
thanks to you.

And I got another
job in the hopper

if you're good to go.

Actually, I just got
back from The Voice.

They want me back.

Get out!

What changed their mind?

Well apparently the new editor

was a fan of my snarkiness.

He missed my take
on the theater.

And truthfully, I have too.

I've made some real
progress on this new play

and when I mentioned
it to him he said

please let me read it
when you're done with it

because I have some deep pockets

and I like to invest
in creative projects.

My gosh, that's a meeting.

I'm really sorry
Lyle bailed on you.

The good thing about
being in your forties,

it doesn't have to hurt so much.

Martin Adams, adult male.

Now, I need something from you.

And here's your card.

Thank you,

wait,
before you put that in the bag,

can I just show you what
that looks like on me?

Because, if I do say so
myself, I look fabulous in it.

Look!

Now do you double
it up like this?

Yeah,
you can double it up like that.

God, cozy!

Well I love it.

And I love these mittens,

you could wear them anywhere.

I'm gonna wear them in
Aspen when I go this winter,

so they are fabulous.

And I'm gonna tell everyone
about this store, everyone.

And I hope it brings
you a lot of business.

I love to connect people,

I love what I do.

Thank you.

You know, I feel like
I started Barnes & Noble,

to be honest with you.

I went, not a soul was there,

told everyone about it,
now it's Barnes & Noble.

Could be you.

Well thank you.

Of course.

It's the labor of love really.

Yeah.

Unlike love, they
usually come out right.

What does that mean?

You unlucky in love?

Seems so.

You don't have to tell me

but if you want to you
can totally talk about it.

No,
no don't let me be a sad Sally.

No I love, no I don't
love hearing sad stories

but I just, you know.

If you wanna talk it out, no?

What's his name,
let me guess: Paul.

Am I right?

No.

You look like you were
with a Paul for some reason.

I don't know where
I got that from.

Don't let me be a sad Sally.

Okay, we'll you're
not being a sad Sally,

if you need to talk,
I'm here to talk.

It just didn't work out.

Well I'm sorry to hear that.

So sweet of you.

Of course.

Thank you,
okay well enjoy these,

and come back, and if you
need something custom-made,

you let me know.

Custom-made, honey
you are so accommodating.

You're the best okay, thank you.

I'm gonna tell everyone.

I'm not lying, you'll see!

Okay, bye!

Can I help you?

They're beautiful.

You're beautiful.

And I'm a dope.

You are?

Yeah, among a lot of
other things that I am,

I'm a big dope.

You were surprised and upset.

Certainly, wasn't I?

Have you spoken
to your folks yet?

Yeah, for a bit.

They'll be alright.

But right now I wanted
to speak with you.

So speak.

I'm so sorry honey.

I don't even know
why I got so upset,

I guess I didn't wanna think
about you with anybody else

besides me and I still don't.

You know, I've always
been so accommodating.

In fact a customer just
told me that I was.

Every boss I've ever
had said that I was.

That's why I was
such a good temp.

With my fiancees,
they loved that I was

until they realized that
they didn't really know

who I was beyond that.

I guess I was
just waiting for you

to realize the same thing.

That I'm accommodating,

but I'm not too exciting.

Henny Hernandez, you are
the most exciting person

I've ever met.

And as for you being
accommodating for me, that's nice

but from now on I'm gonna
be accommodating for you.

Even if it kills me.

Why would it kill you?

Guess who just
made creative director?

My gosh honey
I'm so proud of you!

So if I'm "honey" does that
mean that you've forgiven me?

Yes, forgiven.

And if you've forgiven me

does that mean
we're still engaged?

Still engaged.

And I have one more
surprise I wanna share.

Come on in.

Henny Hernandez,
will you marry me now?

You mean I don't
need to plan anything?

I don't have to
accommodate my parents

or my relatives?

No, you don't have to do a thing

except for marrying me.

You might wanna
think about that Teddy.

See?

I'm gonna be
Mr. Henny Hernandez.

Yes, let's do it!

And where's my best adult man?

Your best adult
man is right here.

Okay father.

Alright.

Good evening everybody.

We are gathered here tonight

to unite Ted and Henny
in holy matrimony.

Wow.

They really
seem to like it right?

I mean I don't go to
a lot of play readings

but they liked it right?

They loved it.

You really think so

Note to Marty, they
were rolling in the isles.

I think I saw a woman cry.

You love to make people cry.

Marty that was so beautiful.

I think I almost
went into labor.

I know it's a comedy

but my hormones
are making me weepy.

I'm such a woman.

It was so genuine and so real.

And so.

My, okay.

Well I was mind-blown.

I mean,
who knew that a simple story

about two men becoming friends

could be so funny and so moving?

I think I knew.

I knew too.

And Marty I talked to
your editor in the hall,

you know the one
with the deep pockets,

and I really think he
wants to produce this.

I know, he told me.

And he found some
new backers tonight,

and they're planning an
off-Broadway opening in the fall.

Yes!

That is amazing Marty.

You deserve it Martin.

Well I would like to be
able to take all the credit

but I must admit
I had some help.

Meaning this tall drink of water
was an obvious inspiration.

Thank you, thank you.

And I never could have
made this straight man

be as believable without
reading your journal Eddie.

It was the one thing
that was missing.

So, when the play is published

there will be a dedication.

Daniel, will you do the honors?

Of course.

For Ted and Eddie who taught me

to love my fellow man, twice.

Wow, I've never had a dad

who had something
dedicated to him.

That was really
cool Marty thanks.

Yeah that's classy man.

Thanks dude.

Well I think we should
all go tie one on

at my cousin's bar
around the corner.

And watch yourself Marty,

you get all smoochy-woochy
with me when you're drunk.

Only when I'm drunk.

Yeah we'll see.

Let's get drinks!

That'll be a soda for you.

Yeah, yeah,
but I get to give the toast.

To "He's with Me."

He's with me!

Cut.