He's with Me (2013–…): Season 1, Episode 9 - Jealousies and Jobs - full transcript

Martin deals with writer's block. His relationship with Ted continues to strain while Ted gets closer to Henny. Benny tries to ignite Martin's memory; Eddie is weary of sharing good news with Martin and Val opens up to Henny about her pregnancy.

Hey, it's me.

I am going crazy.

I think I need to get
out of here for a while.

Can you meet me for
lunch or something?

Hello there.

I thought you didn't
want to be a waiter.

Well, sometimes
we all have to do things

we don't want to do.

I can see if they need
another server.

I wouldn't want to make
you look bad, Benny.

Waiting for someone?



Ted.

My competition.

What does that mean?

Hey!

My cabaret is coming up,
strange and surprising.

Take a post card
and come and have a menu.

- Hey.
- Hey.

Sorry I'm late.

This new campaign is
awesome, but very consuming.

But here I am.

Sorry, I didn't know.

That's okay,
on the phone you sounded

a little bit distraught.

Alone, desperate.



Pathetic, all those
things, so I just wanted

to make sure that you were okay.

Thanks.

I like this hoodie
T-shirt combo.

Totally brings out your
eyes, makes 'em pop.

Thanks.

So, any job prospects?

No, but I've decided
to go on unemployment

and do a little writing.

Yeah of course,
right, gotta use it.

I didn't know you wrote
anything besides reviews.

Yeah, years ago I
started writing a play

so I thought
I might try to finish it.

That, that's a big deal.

What's it about?

God it's about lots of things.

It's about a guy, stuff
happens, a happy ending.

It sounds big.

Okay, I should take this.

I will be right back.

Hello?

Yeah,
just having lunch with Martin.

We haven't decided yet, Benny.

Actually I was wondering
if your memory came back.

What?

What are you talking about?

Last week, I got you home
safely, your living room floor.

Lord.

Take your time with the menu.

Okay, this is the Martin
show and it's starring you, hi.

Sorry about that.

It's all right.

Was that your girlfriend?

No, that was Henny, she's
not my girlfriend, yet.

But it's going well, right?

We've only been together a week.

I mean, yes it's good.

I don't know,
I just haven't seen

much of you lately so.

I know, right?

It seems like I've
been unavailable.

The campaign, Henny,
everything's taken off.

Yeah, like Val and Eddie, right?

- The baby?
- Yeah.

Huge, love it.

Right,
I think it's great, but Val

seems totally freaked out.

I know, Eddie is still trying
to wrap his head around it.

Maybe we should see if
they want some company,

if you have the time.

Yeah, great idea, of
course I have the time.

Yeah?

But I'll get back to
you with a couple options,

- a couple windows.
- Okay, great.

You'll have your people get
in touch with my people?

Anyway, we're burning
lunch, maybe we can order.

Hi, Ted.

You're looking cute today,
as always.

Thank you, Benny,
you're looking fit.

I'm not so bad
looking for a hobo.

You're not so bad
looking for a hobo.

I get that a lot.

Okay, yeah I'll have
the sandwich cubano

and the yucca fries please.

Two.

Coming right up, men.

Less underlying tension.

Is he growing on you?

Yeah,
like culture in a Petri dish.

So, campaign?

Yeah, it's a huge
soft drink campaign.

We're targeting women 25 to 54.

We see it as lifestyle as
opposed to just beverage market.

We're looking at psychographics.

Two words.

First word.

Stalagmite?

Three words.

First word,
look at that, so good.

Accordion?

Two words.

Two, no, not two words?

You changed it in mid-thought?

Okay, three.

One word.

I'm with you, first word.

Of the three, not the two,
that was the earlier idea.

I'm just trying to keep up.

Gopher?

Thinking?

Soccer player?

It's just a guess.

Chalk board?

I don't know, apple tree?

It's painting?

Climbing up a ladder?

Are you even trying to play?

Pippi Longstocking?

This game always makes
me feel fucking stupid.

Don't even open your mouth,
Martin.

Would anybody like a drink?

I cannot have one,
but I sure as heck

would like to see
somebody else do it.

I would love another martini.

Really?

After last week,
I thought never again.

I want you to scotch me.

Really, scotch?

Every time we've gone out
for the last four months

you've had beer
and now all of a sudden

you're drinking scotch?

You kind of get used to it after

all those corporate
lunches and dinners out.

You think you know a person.

Just be careful
with the brown stuff,

it makes some men mean.

Was that mean?

No, it was adorable.

I'll have a beer, honey.

I'll help.

You go help.

So, how's pregnancy feeling?

To be honest, I'm
scared out of my skull.

But it's so exciting.

But it's crazy, you know?

I'm gonna have a kid, but
I still feel like a kid.

Good, then you'll
be able to relate to it.

I hope so.

Eddie, how's work, my man?

Did you hear about
the promotion yet?

Promotion?

You know what, Ted, when
I say don't tell anybody,

it means anybody.

I'm sorry, man, shit.

You swear now too.

So, a promotion,
Eddie, that's great.

All these wonderful things
are happening for everybody.

How did it happen?

You know the little
incident that I had.

When your balls got shot.

Shot at.

They asked Ed to take
the test for Detective.

Wow, that's great, Eddie.

That's...

So how have you managed
to be the only woman

in this group of men?

They're like my brothers
and sometimes my sisters.

You mean, Martin?

I mean, he's kind of intense.

I feel like I'm dating
his wife or something.

So, why couldn't you tell me?

I mean, I'm a big boy,
you can tell me.

Why couldn't you tell
me about the promotion?

Because we didn't want
to make you feel bad.

I mean, you're kind of
in the shitter right now.

I'm unemployed and I'm single

and everything has wonderful
things happening to them

and I'm a grade-A loser.

It's not as bad as that, Martin.

Yeah,
what would you know about it?

You're all swearing
and drinking scotch

and scoring with the babes
and landing accounts.

Dude, you're gonna get
back on your feet soon,

- Martin, okay?
- Yeah, is that

what you think, Detective Daddy?

While I sit there every
day staring at a computer

with writer's block.

What the hell is going on?

Apparently last week
I got so desperate

I tried to kiss Benny.

You did?

Shit.

Yeah, shit.

I'm turning into
fucking Charlie Brown,

with a permanent black
cloud over my head.

My friends have replaced
me, I'm all alone,

I have no job, and where the
fuck is my goddamn drink?

Shit, sorry.

♫ I wish I was Marlene Dietrich

♫ I wish that I had sex appeal

♫ I'd love to play the part

♫ Of some boy in the garden

♫ And Captain Lane with eyes

♫ Spill darling, miss my parents

♫ I wish I was Marlene Dietrich

♫ I'd have you light
my cigarette

♫ I'd walk across in style

♫ I'd sing songs from the rhyme

♫ But I'd retire to my good show

♫ Let the dancing
girls all dance around

♫ In our little cavalry

♫ With a team ablaze
and a ocean song

♫ While the mother has her way