Headless Chickens (2023): Season 1, Episode 3 - Calienta, que sales - full transcript

Nardinho's bachelor party ends in chaos after an old friend of Beto turns up.

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Hi, there.

Sonia!

-Beto, I saw you on TV and...
-I know.

Yes, well, it was a relapse.
But I'm fine. I'm fine now.

Where are you?

What a drag.

No, it's going to be small,
with the people closest to him.

-Where does the glory hole go?
-Down the end.

Sonia, I haven't been able
to apologize or to talk to you...

Do you want to meet
for lunch tomorrow?

And breakfast? Can I come
to your place before the office?



No, I go in early, Beto.

Well, I can be there
any time you say.

If you're here at 8:00,
I'll have coffee with you, okay?

-How is it?
-Bad.

The food is late,
the DJ has mumps,

my blood pressure's skyrocketing,
three players haven't confirmed.

-Don't worry. They never confirm.
-I'm not to worry...

Pretend you're working,
the boss is here!

No need,
we Smurfs have it all under control.

So I see. When this is on track
I have to get going, okay?

Do you think we can stay?

Nardinho won't care.
He won't even notice.

Not me. Footballers and hookers,
no way.

What's up, fam?



-Why is he here?
-You didn't tell him?

-Who's that?
-Fran "El Toro" Velarde,

-Toro!
-All good?

-He still plays football?
-No way.

He's been on the bench
for three years,

but he's Beto's buddy.
They played together.

Look at the house
I just got lined up.

My God, I'm in love.

With a pool...

I sign tomorrow, so you can pressure
the club about my renewal.

Get the bastards to cough up.

Mario! What's my favorite fag
doing here? Come here, man.

You have to tell him, now.

And this isn't a supporting wall,
I'll tear it down and put a bar here.

You know I like fucking on the bar,
porn movie style, nasty.

-Babe, a Johnny Walker and ice?
-Pineapple juice for me.

-You got stomach trouble?
-Toro, I'm an ex-alcoholic.

"I'm an ex-alcoholic".
Come on, it's just a phase.

-Look what I brought.
-God, you're obsessed.

Remember huffing in the locker rooms?
We sure had a laugh.

We'll hit a local bar
and make a night of it.

You'll get me in trouble.
You can't toss firecrackers here.

Are you excited?

-Hey, hey, hey.
-Betinho!

-Welcome to your stag do.
-Thanks for taking care of it.

Thank you for the goals
in the last three games.

-Got everything I asked?
-Everything.

-The glory hole?
-Here are the tickets. It's upstairs.

And drugs?

Say what?

-Bastard, you scared me.
-Don't worry. Have fun. Enjoy.

Excuse me. Let me through.

-Okay. He's asking me for drugs.
-You didn't say anything about drugs.

I know! He mentioned drugs,
I didn't know if he was serious.

-Where do we get drugs?
-I've got hash in my glove box.

I used to score years ago
with this guy Rafa,

but how do I... I had it...
Oh, here it is.

-Rafa Dealer.
-Okay.

Hey, Rafita! What are you up to?

What?

Oh, okay, okay. Thanks a lot.
Rafa died.

-Jeez... What the fuck do we do now?
-No idea.

Family, I've got a contact.

What's up, Luchito?

-I have something I...
-Look, look!

Toro, what the hell... the wheel.

Fucking great, man.

You and me in town together again.
Like in the old days.

-How long since we tied one on?
-Tied one on? I can't drink...

What a great time. The best.
The best. The best. Jeez...

We took the world by storm.

-Remember how much we fucked?
-Yeah.

-There's a thing...
-We were inseparable,

we were like brothers.
Fuck, Beto, what happened to us?

What happened to us?
Nothing happened. What's wrong?

I miss you.

I miss my friend Beto.
Life is fucking short.

You know how much I needed
a crazy night like this,

with you?

I'll let him unwind a bit
and then I'll tell him.

It's not easy, it's not easy.
I owe that guy a lot.

If not for him, I wouldn't
have lasted a week at Madrid.

That's how it is. Honestly.

I joined at 19, a kid,
they ate me up.

Thanks to that,
I trusted myself more.

After the crash, the only one who
didn't leave me in the lurch was him.

There, on the spot,
at the hospital every day.

Every fucking day!
Well, and there's the other thing.

What other thing?

-I fucked his wife.
-What?

I fucked his wife!

-A pineapple juice, please.
-Just a moment.

Didn't I tell you
that you'd do fucking great?

Go fuck yourself.

Nardinho's on fire.

The more they shout "fag",
the more goals he scores.

How many goals have you scored
since you left me?

You bastard.

Come on, gimme a hug.

Come here, go on.

-Is Martinelli selling you to Madrid?
-He tried.

In exchange
for kicking Nardinho out.

-When?
-A couple of weeks ago.

-But the boss said no way.
-Fuck him, for being a bastard.

Better to join in a couple of years,
when I'm more ready, right?

Here you go.

Enjoy.
There's a glory hole upstairs.

A holy goal? Holy?

A wall where you stick it in
and get a blowjob.

-What the...?
-Go on then.

By the way, I swear I have nothing
to do with the publication.

What publication?

"Beto Martín, ex-Madrid player,
now an agent, who had a drug problem,

is up to his old tricks...".

Motherfucker.
I'm 10 years clean.

Report him for defamation.

No, he wants us to take the bait.

Let's take it. We leak that he's got
a small dick or he fucks his dog...

Beto?

Beto?

-Was that my daughter?
-Your daughter?

-Andrea? Andrea?
-Here?

Nardinho. Nardinho. Just a sec...

What the hell is Toro doing
at my party?

Okay. Have you seen a blonde girl
in a red dress?

-You devil...
-No, no.

-No, I think it's my daughter.
-Is she hot?

-What kind of question is that?
-So I recognize her if I see her.

-Don't go near her.
-Relax, we're at a party.

It's not your daughter.

-How do you know that?
-Because his name's Fernando.

Fernando?

I'm going home, okay?
I'm very tired, I'm busy tomorrow.

-Have a good time. Bye.
-Cool.

One thing.

Okay?

Luchito...

Fuenla! Fuenla!

My beloved Fuenlabrada!

What was that thing you did?
The robot...

-The robot. Do the robot!
-The robot.

-It was great. Do it!
-I'm not doing it! Damn!

-Don't be such a pain!
-Okay. Don't yell at me.

Really, you're so...

-I'll slip you a bit.
-What are you doing?

-What?
-What are you doing?

A bump.
You gotta liven things up.

A little bump... No fucking way.
I don't do drugs, drink or smoke.

And now listen to me.
I have something to tell you.

-What's the matter now? What?
-You're right.

-What?
-You're right. I'm a pain, okay?

I'm not all right, Beto.

-You're not all right?
-No.

Okay, what's wrong?

-Football's over for me, man.
-Okay, well...

Let's keep it real,
how long have I got left?

Two, three years?

Five, tops? Then what?

Then what?

Then what?

Miguel.

-I think I'll go talk to Fuenla.
-They won't listen to you.

-We'll find a spot in the agency.
-Yeah, sure.

Of course, as a bouncer.

Beto, for 15 years you've felt guilty
about this guy

-No...
-He didn't stick up for you.

He could've, but he'd rather party
and do lines every night.

If not for him,
you'd still be playing football.

What do you mean? Please...

He's the one in debt with you.

If he scored goals,
it was because you were a top player.

-Since your accident.
-Exactly...

No. He visited you
because he had no friends.

You were the only one.

Because he is
and has always been an idiot.

And his wife banged half the team.

You tell him. He won't cry with you.

And you're great at giving bad news,
you have a gift...

No way. Don't drop me in it.

You tell him, he's your friend
and it's your job.

We're taking the party to my place,

but don't bring Toro.
I can't stand that guy.

Relax, we're going now...

This was the warm-up,
the real party starts now.

I'm meeting someone tomorrow
and I have to be decent.

Nardinho!

Samba di Janeiro!

What a great idea, this glory hole.
Best blowjob of my life!

You don't know who blew me?
I think I'm in love.

-Go that way.
-That way?

-I don't think Nardito likes me much.
-No.

This is for you, no alcohol, Beto.

The last one
and we're heading home.

Absolutely the last one.

To my two best buds!

Beto! One last little favor...

Ninety-four, 95, 96, 97,

-Ninety-eight, 99, 100!
-One more, one more.

Go, Nardinho! Nardinho!

Who's the fag now?

-Did you see me?
-Yeah, great. Here.

The last of the jellybeans.
Ration them out.

No, listen to me. It's over, okay?
Don't call me. I'm out. Ciao.

You don't look so good.
Why don't you relax with a girl?

I didn't tell him.
I didn't tell him and it's fine.

Cristina can send him an e-mail
tomorrow.

Let him sign for the fucking house.
I'm not his dad.

-I can't be everyone's dad.
-Chill out, have a Kit Kat.

I'm going home.
I'm seeing Sonia tomorrow.

Right. Bye. Rest up...
You're a machine!

-What are you doing here?
-Living the nightlife, Beto!

-Have you seen the babes here?
-I left you in a fucking Uber.

But I said to myself: "Fran, focus,
my God, you only live once".

Besides,
I felt like lighting a firecracker.

-It's so fucking hot.
-You don't look so good.

It's not the prawns, is it?
I stuffed myself.

Damn it.

-Miguel?
-Beto!

-Man...
-Whoah, man! I know!

Come here, you bastards!

Touch that, it's so soft...

Feel it?

What happened to us?
When did we get so old?

Speak for yourself,
I feel like a kid.

Life slipped through our fingers.

We're puppets of the system.
Fucking muppets...

Yeah, but pass the joint,
you're hogging it, philosopher.

Andrea! Andrea!

-Andrea. Andrea.
-Beto.

-Beto, man. Dammit, Beto.
-What the... Okay.

-I stood up too fast, got dizzy.
-Yeah?

Have you seen my daughter?

Why the fuck
would your daughter be here?

Don't sweat it, you freaked out
because of the drugs.

-What drug?
-What?

You gave us drugs?

Drugs, drugs... A pinch...

And maybe some mescaline,
to give it a kick.

I'll kill you, you bastard!
I'll bust your...

-Ten years I've been clean, bastard!
-Beto, calm down!

-Don't give me the tears now!
-Calm down, holy shit!

My life sucks!

Even my teammates, man...
All day, "Warm up, you're up next."

They laugh at me behind my back.

-Attention. Attention.
-Now the other one.

Follow me.

My ancestors, in the Amazon...

His grandparents are from Oporto.

They had to hunt at night.

Often they couldn't see their prey,
but they sensed it.

The prey is like the goal,

and the arrow is desire, emotion,
and the ball, of course.

Mere centimeters mark the difference
between success and failure.

How can you stand him?
You deserve a monument.

No, a painting,
and I've already got it.

He didn't hit the bullseye!

-"Centimeters mark the difference."
-Bastard.

Go on, Nardi, you can do better.

I'm going to the bathroom.
Tell me how it turns out.

Damn it!

What did you do?

The fucking firecracker...
Why are you such a dickhead?

-Sorry, I thought it was a cigarette.
-Goodness gracious!

-Okay, okay.
-Stay still or it'll go in more.

-You're not getting renewed!
-What the...?

-What did you say?
-Football's over for you,

And a wanker.

-Is that true?
-Yes.

Why didn't you say anything?

I'm buying the house
in a few hours, you jerk.

-Son of a bitch!
-Take it easy.

Damn you all! Let go of me!

Coffee, right? Come on.

-Is it a nice house or what?
-It's beautiful.

It's true, maybe it was a bit big
just for me, huh?

I tell you, this is on a flight path.

-You'd hear planes all day.
-That's true. It's terrible, man.

Nah, forget it. Besides, this is...

-in the fucking boonies, right?
-It sucks.

Jeez...

-My lads.
-Come on.

I don't know about you,
but I'm shitting myself.

Sure, sure. Hold on for 10 minutes,
I know someone who lives nearby.

Fucking cowards!

I'll kill you!

Clara, bring me a rag.

Fucking cowards!

Well, ladies, someone's out of here.

-No, no.
-Or I'll miss Sonia.

-You can't go like that.
-What I can't do is not go.

Up to you. Right, ciao.

Watch out that Cupid
doesn't get you with another!

-Hey, Betito...
-If you say a nightcap, I kill you.

Thanks, man.

For everything.

If not for you,
they'd have sacked me long ago...

I'm sorry.

Toro.

Let's all do the robot.
The robot. The rob--

Translated by: Francesca Villa
Iyuno