Headless Chickens (2023): Season 1, Episode 2 - Nardinho y yo - full transcript

Beto scores a huge new client in megastar Nardinho, but dealing with his ego and demands proves even more challenging than the agent expected.

Are you wondering how healthy the food you are eating is? Check it - foodval.com
---
Alright!

This is Monday.

Stressful.
He will put you in the grave.

-He's given me back my youth.
-Beto's got a boyfriend.

Hello? I'm on my way.

-The patio...
-No, take it easy.

And Nardinho's mansion.
Look, nice, eh?

Come on,
I'll introduce you to my family.

After my mom, the women of my life.
My girlfriend, Janina.

And my sisters,
Alessandra, Luciana and Mariana.

-So much beauty.
-These are my cousins.



Jorginho, Bernardinho, Julinho,
Pepinho, Falinho, fa, fa, Falinho!

Cardinho, Paulinho...
Look who's here. Cicinho.

Cicinho. Cicinho Junior,
Cicinho Junior Junior,

Cicinho Junior Junior Junior
and José Carlos.

The famous Betinho! Honey!

My boy's eyes were so sad
and look now,

My Leonardinho is happy again.
And all thanks to you.

Listen to me well,
you're among family.

How are you?

If you ever want to shag here,
tell me, okay?

-Thanks.
-But don't you dare touch Mariana.

-Mariana?
-My sister, the youngest.

-The others, yes, but not Mariana.
-Okay.

Look, 70,000 euros.
It's by my favorite Brazilian artist.



-Such power and sensitivity.
-Yeah, yeah. And color, right?

-You like it?
-Nice, it's-- It's a dick, right?

-It's not a dick.
-No?

It's my dick.

Wait. You're saying he made a lamp
with his brown dick?

If only it were just that.

Thank you.

Will you pass me the pepper?

He likes his dick all over
the house, what can I tell you?

It doesn't hurt anybody.

-Don't leave me alone with him.
-Me, you can.

You have no fucking clue.

Maybe we can't see the wood
for the dicks.

No, to get where this guy's got to,
you need your head screwed on.

Yes, with dicks.

Hey, bro. On my way,
I'm on my way. Sure.

Okay, he's a bit intense,
but he saved our asses.

We've got interns,
we're in the press, gifts...

Even a lucky cat.
Look how cute it is. Look.

Nardinho. You're to help him
choose the car upholstery.

Nardinho.
You're to go to the dentist with him.

Nardinho. He wants you
to get your ass bleached with him.

HEADLESS CHICKENS

ONE MONTH LATER

I can't take any more!

He's the most narcissistic guy
I've met in my fucking life.

It all has to revolve
around his dick.

-You could see that coming.
-He's a bastard, a manipulator.

-Nothing like Willy.
-Willy was unbearable.

He was a good kid.
He didn't want my ass bleached.

Fucking hell, really.

No. I'm not here. I've got diarrhea,
appendicitis, I'm dying...

No, no, it's Madrid.
They want to talk to you.

Hello, it's Sonia, leave a message
and I'll call you when I can.

Honey, Sonia.
I'm-- I wanted to ask you...

Look, I think
I owe you an explanation

and, well, if you want to tell me
to piss off, to vent,

to feel better,
I'll be in Gianperi from 9:00 p.m.

And I love you.

Fucking goddamn cup.

-What?
-When are you going to introduce me?

-You took your time.
-You could bring him to the show.

-For our friendship.
-I'd rather give him up.

Your daughters are right.
You're incapable of generosity.

-You're selfish.
-You're a bitch.

-You're sick.
-You, a slut!

-Alberto Martín?
-Yes, that's me. Sorry.

Toñi. Put a little under her eyes,
the poor girl has her father's skin.

Shut the door, please.

-Isn't the president...?
-In Mallorca, with his kids.

This arrived this morning.

Goodness gracious.

Hey, Beto!

Will you leave us alone, guys?
Thanks.

I just talked to Madrid.

-They'll reduce my buyout clause.
-No, no.

-I'm finished, huh?
-No, no.

-If I was finished, you'd tell me--
-No. No, no.

They got a video this morning.

-A video?
-Of you.

-Of me?
-Yes. With your masseur.

He wasn't actually
giving you a massage.

He was doing something else.

At first, you can't make it out,
but then it's clearly you.

The video's not public yet.

Well, I think I've got--

Fucking hell! Fucking goddamn hell!

Hey, you're not killing anyone
or abusing anyone.

-These days, being homosexual is--
-Are you calling me a fag?

Hey, in the context of the video
I deduced...

Who's sucking whose dick?

-What?
-Who's sucking whose dick?

-He's sucking yours.
-Exactly! He's the fag, not me!

He likes sucking dicks, not me!
Got me?

Yeah, sure, it all makes sense.
Yeah, yeah.

I opened the door to my house,
my family.

-How can you do this to me?
-What did I do?

You just had to do your fucking job!

How was I to know your masseur--?

This wouldn't happen
with Martinelli!

Damn!

Sort it out, you hear me?

-But the video's already--
-No, no, no!

Damn!

Sort it out or go away.

-So the guy's a fairy. No offense.
-No, no, no.

If it's your dick getting sucked--
I don't know, it's a fucking theory.

Now the masseur wants
to report him for harassment.

-It doesn't look like he was forced.
-It's kind of hypnotic.

I haven't had such a massage
in a long time.

It's not fake? These days
they can put your face on a pangolin.

I'm going to dinner.
I can't think on an empty stomach.

YOU ASSHO...

-Your gnocchi, sir.
-Thank you.

I found you, damn it!
I found you. I knew it.

Swear to me it's true, please.

They filmed him with a masseur
having a real picnic.

You've been misinformed.

What was it? With a masseur, a guy.

Not again, I don't believe it.

After all, he's from Brazil.

He told you the theory, right?
That it's different

if you suck or get sucked?

Watch out. If unscrupulous hands get
a hold of the clip, bye-bye agency.

My advice: get rid of him now.

That's the difference between us,
Martinelli. I'm not a son of a whore.

Yes. You get on great
with the players.

And I can't stand them.

You and I got off to a bad start.

I took Willy from you,
you stole Nardinho from me.

It's fine, it's fine.
Let's look to the future together.

What's Nardinho? Nothing,
the past, history, washed up.

On the other hand,
Willy is the future.

White, spotless.

Are you getting somewhere
or do I order dessert?

-Come in with me.
-What?

Look. You still run your agency.

I stay in the shadows.
I charge a percentage, that's all.

In exchange, I'll cover your debt,
give you my best contacts.

You get Willy back.

We both win.

However,
you tell Nardinho to piss off.

That's...

Take some time, think it over.
I'll send you a contract. Read it.

Hello.

Laura?

Alberto Martín.

Not even my father calls me that.

Francisco,
wait for me outside, please.

We haven't met since...

Since I played for Madrid.

-Are you still at Mediaset?
-No, I switched to the competition.

Oh, okay.

-I'm an agent for footballers.
-Yes, I saw it. I saw you on YouTube.

Yes, everyone saw it.

You look great.
I don't know, more mature.

-We can go for coffee sometime.
-Whenever you want.

-Beto...
-Yes.

Your coat, sir.

What? Your coat, sir.

Yes, thank you.

-This thing you sent me--
-How's this contract?

-I don't see a trap.
-It solves all our problems.

We can sign tomorrow
and get rid of this dickwit.

-But do you trust Martinelli?
-Hey, less than a snake.

But Nardinho is finished.
He'll take us down.

Plus, we'd get Willy back.
It's all pros, man.

By the way, you know who I just saw?

Laura Finkerman.
And she's even hotter than in 2000!

-You'll never forget her, huh?
-What do you mean?

You got all the girls, but can't
forget Finkerman rejecting you.

By the way, where are you?

Nardinho's house, facing the music.

Beto, don't be hasty.

You don't understand me.

-Don't go, you dirty fag!
-I'm under a lot of pressure, honey!

Honey, stop! I told you,
I don't like sucking dicks!

-Shit!
-Who's sucking whose dick?

Come with me, babe.
Let's leave the lovebirds alone!

It's burning now, but later,
it always turns to caramel.

Come.

Thanks, but I just had dinner...

-So have dinner again.
-Sure, sure.

My Leonardinho is a force of nature.

You can't hold him back,
he's like the sea or the wind.

-Bitch!
-Fairy!

Now you see him like this,
strong, muscular,

but God gave him to me premature,
he didn't weigh two kilos.

At school, they picked on him.

Bastards, sons of bitches.
They ruined his childhood.

Until they saw him play football.

No one could catch him.

I want to show you something. Come.

Here is over a million just in shoes.

But...

the most important thing
isn't even worth a dollar.

His first professional boots.

The whole family had to pitch in
to buy them.

I still remember his little face
when he first put them on.

He said to me,

"Mama,

with these boots, I'm going to be
the best player in the world."

Don't shit me, Beto,
you didn't go to bed, huh?

Copa América 2016?

Look at that class. What imagination.
And balls. Did you see that?

Did you see it?

This guy is really good.
A bit of a hog, but good.

He's the best player in the last
20 years! A genius, for god's sake.

You couldn't drop him, huh?

We abandon him when things get ugly?
No. That's what Martinellis do.

What are you going to do?

What are you doing, man?

-Who let you in like this?
-I have my resources too.

Is it about the contract? If anything
bothers you, we'll cross it out.

The Nardinho clause.
I'll only sign if he comes with us.

Why do you care?
He doesn't give a crap about you.

Right.

Nardinho is a rotting corpse.

If we put him in the basket,
he'll spoil our other merchandise.

He's still got some good years.
Use your contacts to stop that video.

Stop the video?
That fucker screwed me. No, no, no.

If it was up to me,
I'd make a thousand more copies.

What a dickhead!

It was you. You got the masseur
to shoot that fucking video.

-Yes or no?
-Who cares, kid?

-It was going to come out anyway.
-Who cares? You were his agent.

Do you see why
we're the perfect formula?

You love your boys,
whatever they do, whatever they are.

I set them straight
and punish them if they deserve it.

You're the people, I'm the elite.

No, no, no.
You're a fucking son of a bitch.

Let's see if we understand
each other, kid.

I made you this offer,
I still have nothing against you.

Be nice and sign.

I'll give you some last advice.
Nobody fucks with Martinelli.

I'll give you some advice.

Don't speak in the third person.
It sounds terrible.

Cover yourself up.

I'm going to ruin you, your family,
and your shitty little business!

-Yes?
- Honey.

You know who I just got a video of?

Martinelli wrote us
to stick the contract up our asses.

As and Marca called.
They'll publish the video.

-Great.
-The bottle's empty.

-I'm going.
-Where to?

-To talk to Finkerman.
-Who's that?

Laura Finkerman. One of the country's
top communications directors.

And an ass.

-Laura.
-Goodness, you gave me a fright.

-Forgive me, I'm sorry.
-What are you doing here?

Look, I need you to help me.
I'll pay you anything.

Hey, relax. I'm not freelance.
I work exclusively for the group.

Okay, I've got a problem
and only you can help me.

-What's wrong?
-There's a video.

Yes, I heard a rumor.
A video of Nardinho sucking--

No, he was getting--
Well, never mind.

Beto. Beto, are you all right?

Sorry, Laura,
I slept like shit. Sorry.

Can you help me?

-Fine. I'll help you.
-Okay.

But you don't have to pay me.
I'll do it 'cause I'm bored to tears.

But you don't owe me a coffee,
now it's at least dinner.

Of course. Of course.

What are we going to do
to stop the video?

It can't be stopped.
All the media has it.

Then...

We're going to make noise,
a shitload of noise.

So much so,
that the truth doesn't matter.

I get messages non-stop.
I told you to stop the video.

-Martinelli would've--
-Martinelli.

Martinelli leaked the video,
so shut up and listen.

Three things. One.

Don't yell at me.

I'm not your buddy,
your girlfriend or your slave.

I'm your agent. Two.

I'll stop that video
from ruining your life,

but you have to do your job
and score a fucking goal!

Three: The next time you want to do
bungee jumping, rafting, shitting,

call one of your cousins
and leave me alone.

And four: You're getting married
in two months.

After the scoring drought, now this!

Janina, is not the wedding a cover-up
for his homosexuality?

Let them gossip.
My Nardinho is a real man.

Nowadays, it's hard to know
if a video is real.

This smells like a deepfake,
for sure.

If he scores, I don't care
if he likes men or Martians.

Nardinho exposed the bigotry
behind football.

Let's not forget that
releasing a private video is a crime.

Goal! Nardinho scores again.

Nice way to shut up his critics.

No. I don't want to commit
the sin of suspicion.

But what a coincidence, hours after
the video's out, there's a wedding.

But he's not gay,
he's not sucking anyone.

It's awful his ex-agent
leaked footage of him.

-No. Excuse me, that's not proven.
-Can we see the video now?

-We can. Play it.
-Go on.

Where do we put it?

TO BETO FROM NARDINHO

Translated by: Francesca Villa
Iyuno