Hawaii Five-O (1968–1980): Season 9, Episode 6 - The Last of the Great Paperhangers - full transcript
Someone breaks into Five-O's temporary offices at the Territorial Building and, for the most part, manages to avoid the burglar alarms. When the alarm is triggered, the guard who responds is decoyed by a small music-playing souvenir doll long enough for the burglar to escape. The next day, however, Five-O's staff can find nothing missing, even though there is evidence that the lock to one of the cabinets was picked. What was taken they only learn later -- a single sheet official requisition form that is used to steal about $14,000 in state money -- the first step in an elaborate scheme by a check forger whom McGarrett once helped put in jail.
LORD: This is Jack Lord
inviting you to be with us next
for "The Last of the
Great Paperhangers."
Hunter R. Hickey?
"Also known as HRH,
favorite m.o. check forgery.
Last known address..."
- You mean he's out?
- Yeah.
This is just the sort of caper
that HRH might have dreamed of.
Which is why and I have decided.
Mr. McGarrett should
help us get the seed money
for the biggest
score of my career.
HICKEY: And you thought
that that was my little caper.
It had entered my mind.
[LAUGHING]
Hello. Mr. Darcy?
Commander Belling.
Say, Mr. Darcy, Navy
has got a problem.
We've got a big carrier
for us coming in today
and I think that we need
a little more currency
than Commander Hutton drew.
If I brought along
another Treasury check,
could you help us out?
Oh, not much. Just
another 200,000, that's all.
[LAUGHING]
LORD: Next, "Paperhangers."
Be here. Aloha.
H.R.H.: And you thought
that was my little caper?
It had entered my mind.
[LAUGHING]
H.R.H.: Mr. McGarrett should
help us get the seed money
for the biggest
score of my career.
Hello, Mr. Darcy.
Commander Belding.
Say, Mr. Darcy,
Navy's got a problem.
We've got a big carrier
force coming in today,
and I think that we need
a little more currency
than Commander Hutton drew.
Oh, not much. Just
another 200,000, that's all.
[ALL LAUGH]
[ALARM RINGING]
[TINKLY SONG PLAYING]
[BANGING ON CLOSET DOOR]
[KNOCKING ON DOOR]
- Who is it?
- Mack.
Well?
- Any problems?
- No, not really.
Oh, a few bells went off.
Well, we can't all be
perfect like you, H.R.H.
Ah. Marvelous.
We're in business.
- Hey, Danno.
- Welcome back, Steve. How'd it go?
Oh, I'm weary.
They gave him five to
ten in Colorado State,
so he won't be
bothering us for a while.
Your testimony?
Yeah. A good strong
case. How are things here?
Well, actually, there's
bad news and good news.
Okay, lay it on me.
The bad news is somebody
broke into our office last night.
- In the Territorial
Building? DANNY: Yeah.
The good news is he
didn't take anything.
You're kidding.
Why would anyone break into
an office and not take anything?
DANNY: As a matter of
fact, he even left something.
This.
TELLER: Would you sign
these signature cards, please?
Certainly.
Our bank in San Diego will be
sending you a sizable draft in a day or so.
Meanwhile, I trust that this will
be enough to open our account.
TELLER: Of course.
- Right. Thank you.
[H.R.H. SIGHS]
No problem?
No. You didn't really
expect any, did you, Janice?
No, as of now, Pacific
Equipment Company
has a nice legitimate
little bank account.
JANICE: Hmm.
- Whew.
They don't make you look
that different, you know.
No, no, but just in case
of any little difficulty,
it gives the witness something
distinctive to remember
and forget everything else.
[JANICE CHUCKLES]
Well, I'd say that we're
looking pretty good.
JANICE: Mm-hm.
McGARRETT: What is it, a week
from Tuesday, the next meeting?
And do they meet
every week on Tuesday?
CALVIN: Mr. McGarrett?
- Yeah?
CALVIN: Will you please
autograph your picture on the cover?
Why do you want my autograph,
son? I'm not a ball player.
Because when I grow
up, I wanna be a detective,
just like you.
You do, huh? Okay.
- There you are. You got it.
- Thank you.
- Well, how'd we do, Calvin?
- Real cool.
Yeah?
You know, you're right.
And for you, a nice
crisp $2 bill, hmm?
[SMOOCHES]
JANICE: Well, it's okay?
H.R.H.: Perfect.
McGarrett hasn't changed much
since he arranged my four-to-eight
vacation at Leavenworth.
I wonder if he'd say
the same about you.
Oh, he's probably
forgotten all about me.
But I haven't
forgotten about him.
Which is why I've decided
that Mr. McGarrett should
help us get the seed money
for the biggest
score of my career.
[JANICE SIGHS]
Why don't you watch H.R.H.?
You might learn something.
What's to learn? Simple
enough, just trace a signature.
There, Mack, my boy,
you're 100 percent wrong.
A skilled document examiner
can detect a traced
signature ten feet away.
MACK: All these are a little different
than the one on the magazine.
H.R.H: Precisely.
And they should be,
because no one duplicates
his own signature exactly.
But a tracing always
reveals stops and starts,
a labored precision,
too smooth a line.
Child's play for
an expert to detect.
So how do you do it?
I put myself inside
the mind of my subject.
A few practice
signatures like these
and then my hand and fingers
become those of Steve McGarrett,
and they sign his name
exactly as he would sign it,
spontaneously, undetectably.
And I think we're ready.
Oh. Will you look at that?
- Okay, what have we got?
- What we've got is zero so far.
Che says the front door
was picked, not locked.
Same with the supply cabinet.
There are slight striations
because he used a
picklock tool, not a key.
- What about fingerprints?
- Well, as Danny says, nothing.
The guy probably wore gloves.
No question we're
dealing with an expert.
An expert who deliberately
breaks into a government office
and steals nothing?
Well, maybe he broke
into the wrong office.
No. No, I doubt it.
Or else the alarm went off and
the night watchman surprised him
before he could get
what he was after.
No, I think an expert would
realize that there were alarms.
I'm gonna tell you
something, gentlemen.
I think that our expert knew
exactly what he was after,
exactly what he was doing.
We're gonna find
out what it was.
[KNOCKS ON DESK]
CLERK: Hi, may I help you?
Yes, I'm the one who called
about the state tax bulletin.
Oh, right. I'll get you a
copy. It'll just take a second.
Here you go.
- Thank you very much.
CLERK: You're welcome.
603, please.
H.R.H.? Janice. It just came.
[PLAYING TINKLY SONG]
It's no good, Steve. All the
little souvenir shops sell them.
Tourists buy them
by the thousands.
It would take us
forever to run this down.
[MAN SPEAKING INDISTINCTLY]
Hey, what's going on out there?
DANNY: Steve, can you
come out for a minute?
Sure, who is it?
- Bill Stephens, state comptroller.
- Oh, yeah. Hey, Bill. How are you?
Seeing how the other half lives?
Purely utilitarian.
Very functional.
- What can we do for you?
- This looks like the same old stuff.
That's because it
is the same old stuff.
Then what happened to
$14,000 worth of new furniture
and equipment you requisitioned?
I requisitioned?
Here's the form.
Signed by you, Steve.
Just two things
wrong with this, Bill.
I've never seen it before,
and this is not my signature.
We may have a very
serious situation here, Steve.
- Let me explain.
- Yeah, I wish you would.
The governor's
secretary got a phone call
from a newspaper columnist
tracking down a rumor:
corruption in the
Five-0 offices.
From a newspaper columnist,
and they're talking about corruption?
- That's funny. BILL: Well,
anyway, she called me,
and inasmuch as this is the
only thing of any consequence
that's come from you to
me in the last few weeks,
I thought I better come
over and check it out.
Well, now you have.
And I've told you there
is no new furniture,
no new equipment, and
I never requisitioned any.
So if you'll excuse me,
Bill, I have work to do.
The state has already
paid out the money, Steve.
To whom?
Not even locked.
Yeah, it's a drop,
nothing but a phony front.
It's working.
Double-faced tape.
Tom? Bill. About the
Pacific Equipment check...
Are you sure?
When?
Don't tell me.
The check has been cashed.
Deposited in the Pacific
Equipment account
at Hawaii National Bank.
Half-hour later, the president
of Pacific Equipment showed up,
withdrew the entire amount.
[SIGN CLATTERS]
You know something,
gentlemen? I've been had.
Neat as you please,
I've been set up.
- But why?
- I don't know.
I don't know, but
I'm gonna find out.
Thirteen-eight,
13.9, 14, and change.
[JANICE GIGGLING]
And let us not forget
our generous benefactor,
who made this all possible,
although he doesn't know it,
Mr. Steve McGarrett.
Well, Che?
Steve, you say you didn't
sign this, and I believe you.
But if you hadn't told me,
I'd have to swear the
signature was genuine.
It's the best job of
forgery I've ever seen.
At least explains one thing.
In order to pull the swindle,
they had to have the
proper requisition forms.
That's all they needed,
that's all they took.
So how do we find
our paperhanger?
We're dealing with a
top pro here, Danno.
He's cool, skilled
and intelligent.
Contact the FBI in Washington.
Get their current list
of top paperhangers.
- Right.
- Oh, one more thing.
In order to forge my signature,
he had to have a copy.
- Now, where did he get it?
- He never touched the letter file.
You haven't been giving
out autographs, have you?
Wait a minute.
The other day, after the
Rotary Club luncheon,
some kid asked me to sign my picture
on the cover of Honolulu Magazine.
He was a Little
Leaguer, I think.
He had a green
and white uniform on,
and there was a
yellow peak on his cap.
Chin, I've got a hunch.
See if you can find that kid.
Okay, I'll give it a try.
You know what that little guy said?
He wanted to be a detective. Heh.
Can I just have your
endorsement, Commander Hutton?
How long were they inside?
Twelve minutes 23 seconds.
DANNY: "Carter Finley: favorite
M.O., postal money orders.
Last known address,
Hartford, Connecticut.
Wesley M. Colton: favorite
M.O., stolen credit cards.
Last known address,
Miami Beach."
- There are a lot more.
- Keep going, Danno.
"Hunter R. Hickey."
Hunter R. Hickey?
"Also known as H.R.H.
Favorite M.O., check forgery."
- You mean he's out?
- Yeah.
Hunter R. Hickey, H.R.H.
I'd almost forgotten about him.
Do you remember a few years ago
we tipped the Detroit Police
about some stolen traveler's checks,
and I had to fly back east
to testify against the forger?
That's he. You sure he's out?
According to the FBI report,
released from Leavenworth May 16.
Maybe this is just a wild
hunch, Danno, or wishful thinking,
but this is just the sort of caper
that H.R.H. might have dreamed up.
Pull his file.
Now, if he's in the
islands, I wanna talk to him.
Right.
[KNOCKING ON DOOR]
- Who's there?
- Janice.
Did you see the paper
yet? Listen to this.
"Big carrier task force due into
Pearl Friday from the Far East."
Huh? What do you think?
Friday.
Hmm. That's a tight schedule.
But I think we can make it.
Decision time. Friday is D-day.
Um, H.R.H., didn't you say
that it was absolutely impossible
for Steve McGarrett
to get a make on you?
- I did.
- Well, what about this?
Uh, "At Hawaii
Five-0's instigation,
Hawaii Police are combing the state
for a master forger recently released..."
- Let me see that.
- Don't tell us our mastermind goofed.
Impossible.
McGarrett is
guessing, just guessing.
Yeah, but, uh, H.R.H.,
if he does have something on
you, we gotta know by Friday.
Well,
there's one sure
way to find out,
isn't there?
Well.
What can I do for you, Hickey?
H.R.H.: Hunter R.
Hickey, at your service.
We're old friends, Mr. McGarrett.
You may call me Hunter.
I didn't expect to
see you out so soon.
But you were, of
course, a model prisoner.
H.R.H.: Of course.
- What brings you here?
- The afternoon paper.
- You have, I'm sure, seen
it? McGARRETT: We have.
I gather that you've
been looking for me.
- If so, may I ask the charge?
- No charge, yet.
But we do have a few
questions we'd like to ask.
Ask away. You see
before you a reformed man.
All I want to do is be an
honest, contributing island citizen.
The last thing that I would want is
a misunderstanding with the police.
That all sounds very noble.
We'd like to ask
you what you know
about a company
called Pacific Equipment.
And $14,000 worth of
nonexistent office furniture.
Oh, is that what...?
[CHUCKLES]
I heard those rumors.
Very embarrassing for
your office, McGarrett.
And you thought that
that was my little caper,
and I wanted revenge
because you'd put me away?
- It had entered my mind.
- No way.
Oh, those years
of my confinement.
Leavenworth is not exactly
a garden spot, you know.
They taught me
wisdom, they really did.
I'm glad.
They showed me the
course that my life should take
after my release.
The straight and narrow.
The way that I could teach others
to avoid the mistakes of my life.
- How would you go about doing that?
- Through my memoirs.
The only reason that I've
come back to the islands
is to write my memoirs.
What would you use for a title?
How about The Last of
the Great Paperhangers?
[LAUGHING]
Not bad, not bad.
I want you to
know, in all modesty,
I was always the
class of our profession.
Some of my, uh...
Some of my scores are still
thought of as, well, classics.
I'll send you an
autographed copy of my book.
Signed with your own name?
- That would be a
novelty. H.R.H.: Ha, ha.
Far be it for me to mind little
jokes at the expense of my past.
But some things I
do mind, such as this.
Articles planted
in the newspapers.
In the future,
unless you have solid evidence
or are proffering charges,
I don't want to read
any more such stories.
I shall be forced to bring legal
redress. Do I make myself clear?
You buy any of that?
Not one word,
Danno, not one word.
Our friend came here
for just one reason:
to see if we had
anything on him,
because he's
planning a big score.
Now, I'll lay you odds on that.
MACK: How much it cost?
JANICE: Seventeen-fifty.
Beat him down from 2,100.
How we doing?
- Hey. Beautiful. H.R.H.: Mm-hm.
You could always get a job as
a sign painter if things get tough.
You know, the hours aren't too
good, and as for the pay, forget it.
How about the uniforms?
Oh, they should be
ready. I'll check on them.
Thank you.
Thank you.
Your move, Wan Li.
Since you called,
I have been thinking
about your requirements.
I believe imported
talent might be best.
- Imported from where?
WAN: Seattle, I think.
They can come in the
morning, perform for you,
leave on the noon plane.
How much will they cost?
A thousand apiece,
plus travel expenses.
And, of course, my
fee, another 2,500.
Sounds a little steep.
Mack told me you would
accept nothing but the best.
Very well.
This is Calvin.
He plays right field
for the Kaimuki Sharks.
He got two hits today.
He's the one who asked
you for an autograph.
McGARRETT: Yeah,
he's the one, all right.
Hi, Calvin. Sit
up here, will you?
Now, let me ask you
something, just between us.
Did you really want my autograph,
or did someone else ask you to get it?
- How'd you know?
- I'm a detective, remember?
Is this the man?
No, it was a lady.
A real pretty lady.
She gave me $2
and she kissed me.
Ha, ha. This kid's getting
too big for Little League.
- Yeah. CHIN HO: Ha, ha.
Okay, Calvin, come on.
Take him down and let him
look through the mug books.
Maybe we'll get lucky.
[DOOR OPENS]
[ROCK MUSIC PLAYING]
SAILOR: Here, take that.
- Okay, I'll bring your change, sailor.
- Okay, miss.
- Here you go, hon.
- Hey, what are you doing tonight?
Going home to my husband.
He's a lieutenant commander
in the Shore Patrol.
[ALL LAUGHING]
Steve should be back any minute.
Got your message,
Danno. What's the problem?
You're not gonna believe this.
Actually, there's bad
news and good news.
Again?
The bad news is last night
somebody blew the safe
at the government
printing office.
And the good news is that
they didn't take anything.
Right.
Danno, contact
the Secret Service.
Get permission for you and Che
to go over that room
with their Lab boys.
Will do.
Steve, about that
building-equipment company.
Building manager says a girl
rented the store for 30 days.
- Paid them in cash.
- And the bank account?
Opened by a dude who
called himself Abner Hobson.
Reddish hair, steel-rimmed glasses.
That's all the cashier could remember.
No make on him anywhere.
Obviously a phony name.
Gentlemen, I think it's time we
paid some very special attention
to our friend Hunter R. Hickey.
I want a 24-hour tail on him.
Now, if our paperhanger so much as
sticks his nose outside his hotel room,
I wanna know about it.
- What I don't see...
- Yes, Frank?
Since we only took one blank
check, how come only 200,000?
- Why not a half a
million? H.R.H.: Heh.
Did I ever tell you how they
catch monkeys in Africa?
No.
Well, they take an empty
coconut shell and tie it to a tree
with some nuts inside
and a little hole just big
enough for him to get his hand in.
What the hell's that got to
do with half a million dollars?
The monkey comes along,
sticks in his hand, grabs the nuts.
But the hole's too small
for him to get his fist out,
but he won't let
go of those nuts.
He wants them so bad, he
won't let go, and they catch him.
- So?
- So the point is not to be so greedy.
Right.
Two hundred thousand,
a local bank can handle,
but a half a million,
might have to go to
the Federal Reserve.
That means a delay of 48 hours.
Do you want to sit
and wait for 48 hours?
Now, this is something
that might interest you both.
I didn't invent the
technique, but I did...
I did perfect it.
Janice, that Navy payroll
check that you cashed?
First, a length of inked
ribbon of the proper color.
Then a strip of cellophane
tape to cover the ribbon.
Then a sharp stylus
to trace the signature.
I thought you said a traced
signature can be detected.
I did, but this is a
machine signature.
Requires a different technique.
There you are.
Every bit as authentic as
the original machine signature.
That would fool any bank.
So, well, I'd say it's time
for our little phone call.
JANICE: Mm-hm.
Let's see.
Hawaii National Bank?
May we speak with
the cashier, please?
Pearl Harbor
Switchboard calling.
Mr. Darcy?
We have a call for you from
our Fleet Disbursing Office.
Hold on, please.
Hello, Mr. Darcy.
Commander Belding.
Yes, acting disbursement
officer at Pearl.
Commander Hutton's on leave.
Say, Mr. Darcy,
Navy's got a problem.
We've got a big carrier
force coming in today,
and I think that we need
a little more currency
than Commander Hutton drew.
If I brought along
another Treasury check,
could you help us out?
Oh, not much. Just
another 200,000, that's all.
You can? Oh,
that's fine, Mr. Darcy.
Navy appreciates it.
Goodbye.
[ALL LAUGH]
[CAR APPROACHING]
Ah.
Here, for you. Thank you.
[KEYS JINGLING]
[ENGINE STARTS]
DANNY: Everything is
accounted for up to here?
HELMS: Yes...
- Mr. Williams?
I don't know whether this
means anything, but look.
This shipment of
Treasury checks,
stamped and ready to
go out to the Navy at Pearl,
there's one blank check
missing from the back.
One blank check.
If it were misprinted or damaged,
then it would be stamped void.
But it wouldn't be thrown away.
Get me Steve McGarrett.
That's it, Danno, got to be.
They broke into a government
office and blew a safe,
all for one blank check.
HELMS: But why?
I could understand taking
Treasury certificates,
bonds, even passport forms.
But a blank government
check, and a Navy check at that?
Oh, they could cash it for
a few hundred dollars, sure,
but not for any larger
amount, no way.
- Why do you say that, Mr. Helms?
HELMS: Navy security procedure.
It would have to be cashed
by a disbursing officer
with the proper credentials,
uniformed armed guards,
and a convoy of Navy vehicles.
I see. Thank you.
Let's go, Danno.
I smell a pro here, Danno.
What is our friend Hunter
R. Hickey doing right now?
Driving around downtown Honolulu
with Chin and Duke on his tail.
They can't make him out.
- Just driving around?
DANNY: Yeah.
Doesn't make sense.
Doesn't feel right.
Oh, Mr. Helms, one more thing.
Would you mind
notifying all Oahu banks
about that stolen check and
the serial number immediately?
HELMS: Certainly.
- Thank you.
All set.
All right, let's go. Very cool.
[ENGINE STARTS]
- Chin Ho.
- [OVER RADIO] McGarrett.
- Yeah, Steve? McGARRETT:
What's your heading?
We're on Waiola Street.
McGARRETT: His
Highness tipped his hand?
Hasn't made a move yet. He
seems to be heading out of town.
McGARRETT: Stay with him, Chin.
- We're all ready for you,
commander. H.R.H.: Mr. Darcy.
Here you are.
- It's all ready to be
counted. H.R.H.: Fine.
Commander Hutton and
the boys will appreciate this.
- Correct to the penny.
- If you'll just endorse this?
Yep, all in order. I'll
see you out, commander.
H.R.H.: Ah, thank you.
There's an important
phone call for you, Mr. Darcy.
DARCY: Have them
hold just one moment.
The Navy's grateful for
your cooperation, Mr. Darcy.
- Just keep on defending us.
- Thank you.
They what?
MAN [OVER RADIO]: A Navy officer
cashed that stolen Treasury check
at the Bank of
Honolulu for $200,000.
- Our friend H.R.H., huh?
- How's that possible?
Chin and Duke have
been tailing him all morning.
Yeah.
JANICE: Officer!
Could you help me?
Those two men have been
following me all morning.
[CAR DOOR CLOSES
AND ENGINE STARTS]
I had no idea. They all
seemed so legitimate.
I had no reason to doubt.
[TIRES SQUEAL]
Excuse me for a second.
It wasn't H.R.H. in that car
we were following, Steve.
It was a girl. She tricked us.
So it was our old friend
Hunter R. Hickey after all.
- And he got away with it.
- Yeah, maybe.
Maybe not. Let's go.
[TIRES SQUEAL]
Thank you, boys. Thank you.
First rate. Professional all the way.
See you on the mainland
one of these days.
All right, boys, on your
way as quick as you can.
- Ah. Ha-ha-ha.
- We did it. We did it.
- I just heard it on the radio.
- Did you have any doubts?
Better get going if we
wanna get that plane.
Just one thing we
have to take care of.
The staff car has to go
back where it came from.
Why?
Because if they find it
here, they might trace it to us.
There's nothing to it.
Bring it back to the lot, we
pick you up at the corner,
we zoom right
out to the airport.
- Well, I don't like it.
- Trust me.
MACK: Okay.
H.R.H.: There you
go. JANICE: Okay.
- Can you make it,
Mack? MACK: I'm all right.
You're clear.
Uh, hello, Police Department?
The man who took that
staff car, the Navy staff car,
is returning it to the lot where
he got it in just a few minutes.
While the police are busy with
Mack, we'll be on our plane and away.
Why?
Things will be a lot
cozier without him.
- What if he should talk?
- No, he's not gonna talk.
He won't know that we tipped
them off. Now, come along, love.
- Here we go.
- Ha, ha.
WOMAN [OVER PA]: Flight
218 for Los Angeles now ready...
That's us. Uh, you go ahead.
We won't board together
just in case. Ahem.
WOMAN [OVER PA]: Flight
Number 218 for Los Angeles
now ready for
boarding at Gate 7.
Thank you. Thank you.
WOMAN [OVER PA]: United
Airlines Flight 68 from San Francisco
is now arriving at Gate 22.
United Airlines
Flight 68 from...
Just a moment, sir.
Would you mind
opening that carryon bag?
- What'd you say?
- Would you please open your bag?
- Why?
- For a special security inspection, sir.
Well, isn't this highly irregular?
Uh, whose bright idea was this?
- Mine.
- Damn it.
- What...?
- Do you mind opening it, or shall we?
It's just been through
that thing, you know?
Oh, that valet of mine.
You know, you just can't
get good help these days.
DANNY: One minute, miss.
Calvin, is this the pretty lady
who paid you to get
Mr. McGarrett's autograph?
CALVIN: Sure is. Hi.
Could I have a look
in that bag, please?
WOMAN [OVER PA]: Air
Siam Flight 16 for Hong Kong,
passengers are now
boarding at Gate 14.
Well, what do you know?
[JANICE SIGHS]
You know, I just can't figure
out where I went wrong.
Every detail planned,
executed perfectly.
Except one.
Now, when you break
into a man's office,
you should always make it
a point to steal something.
That's what did you in.
Danno, book them.
Aloha.
inviting you to be with us next
for "The Last of the
Great Paperhangers."
Hunter R. Hickey?
"Also known as HRH,
favorite m.o. check forgery.
Last known address..."
- You mean he's out?
- Yeah.
This is just the sort of caper
that HRH might have dreamed of.
Which is why and I have decided.
Mr. McGarrett should
help us get the seed money
for the biggest
score of my career.
HICKEY: And you thought
that that was my little caper.
It had entered my mind.
[LAUGHING]
Hello. Mr. Darcy?
Commander Belling.
Say, Mr. Darcy, Navy
has got a problem.
We've got a big carrier
for us coming in today
and I think that we need
a little more currency
than Commander Hutton drew.
If I brought along
another Treasury check,
could you help us out?
Oh, not much. Just
another 200,000, that's all.
[LAUGHING]
LORD: Next, "Paperhangers."
Be here. Aloha.
H.R.H.: And you thought
that was my little caper?
It had entered my mind.
[LAUGHING]
H.R.H.: Mr. McGarrett should
help us get the seed money
for the biggest
score of my career.
Hello, Mr. Darcy.
Commander Belding.
Say, Mr. Darcy,
Navy's got a problem.
We've got a big carrier
force coming in today,
and I think that we need
a little more currency
than Commander Hutton drew.
Oh, not much. Just
another 200,000, that's all.
[ALL LAUGH]
[ALARM RINGING]
[TINKLY SONG PLAYING]
[BANGING ON CLOSET DOOR]
[KNOCKING ON DOOR]
- Who is it?
- Mack.
Well?
- Any problems?
- No, not really.
Oh, a few bells went off.
Well, we can't all be
perfect like you, H.R.H.
Ah. Marvelous.
We're in business.
- Hey, Danno.
- Welcome back, Steve. How'd it go?
Oh, I'm weary.
They gave him five to
ten in Colorado State,
so he won't be
bothering us for a while.
Your testimony?
Yeah. A good strong
case. How are things here?
Well, actually, there's
bad news and good news.
Okay, lay it on me.
The bad news is somebody
broke into our office last night.
- In the Territorial
Building? DANNY: Yeah.
The good news is he
didn't take anything.
You're kidding.
Why would anyone break into
an office and not take anything?
DANNY: As a matter of
fact, he even left something.
This.
TELLER: Would you sign
these signature cards, please?
Certainly.
Our bank in San Diego will be
sending you a sizable draft in a day or so.
Meanwhile, I trust that this will
be enough to open our account.
TELLER: Of course.
- Right. Thank you.
[H.R.H. SIGHS]
No problem?
No. You didn't really
expect any, did you, Janice?
No, as of now, Pacific
Equipment Company
has a nice legitimate
little bank account.
JANICE: Hmm.
- Whew.
They don't make you look
that different, you know.
No, no, but just in case
of any little difficulty,
it gives the witness something
distinctive to remember
and forget everything else.
[JANICE CHUCKLES]
Well, I'd say that we're
looking pretty good.
JANICE: Mm-hm.
McGARRETT: What is it, a week
from Tuesday, the next meeting?
And do they meet
every week on Tuesday?
CALVIN: Mr. McGarrett?
- Yeah?
CALVIN: Will you please
autograph your picture on the cover?
Why do you want my autograph,
son? I'm not a ball player.
Because when I grow
up, I wanna be a detective,
just like you.
You do, huh? Okay.
- There you are. You got it.
- Thank you.
- Well, how'd we do, Calvin?
- Real cool.
Yeah?
You know, you're right.
And for you, a nice
crisp $2 bill, hmm?
[SMOOCHES]
JANICE: Well, it's okay?
H.R.H.: Perfect.
McGarrett hasn't changed much
since he arranged my four-to-eight
vacation at Leavenworth.
I wonder if he'd say
the same about you.
Oh, he's probably
forgotten all about me.
But I haven't
forgotten about him.
Which is why I've decided
that Mr. McGarrett should
help us get the seed money
for the biggest
score of my career.
[JANICE SIGHS]
Why don't you watch H.R.H.?
You might learn something.
What's to learn? Simple
enough, just trace a signature.
There, Mack, my boy,
you're 100 percent wrong.
A skilled document examiner
can detect a traced
signature ten feet away.
MACK: All these are a little different
than the one on the magazine.
H.R.H: Precisely.
And they should be,
because no one duplicates
his own signature exactly.
But a tracing always
reveals stops and starts,
a labored precision,
too smooth a line.
Child's play for
an expert to detect.
So how do you do it?
I put myself inside
the mind of my subject.
A few practice
signatures like these
and then my hand and fingers
become those of Steve McGarrett,
and they sign his name
exactly as he would sign it,
spontaneously, undetectably.
And I think we're ready.
Oh. Will you look at that?
- Okay, what have we got?
- What we've got is zero so far.
Che says the front door
was picked, not locked.
Same with the supply cabinet.
There are slight striations
because he used a
picklock tool, not a key.
- What about fingerprints?
- Well, as Danny says, nothing.
The guy probably wore gloves.
No question we're
dealing with an expert.
An expert who deliberately
breaks into a government office
and steals nothing?
Well, maybe he broke
into the wrong office.
No. No, I doubt it.
Or else the alarm went off and
the night watchman surprised him
before he could get
what he was after.
No, I think an expert would
realize that there were alarms.
I'm gonna tell you
something, gentlemen.
I think that our expert knew
exactly what he was after,
exactly what he was doing.
We're gonna find
out what it was.
[KNOCKS ON DESK]
CLERK: Hi, may I help you?
Yes, I'm the one who called
about the state tax bulletin.
Oh, right. I'll get you a
copy. It'll just take a second.
Here you go.
- Thank you very much.
CLERK: You're welcome.
603, please.
H.R.H.? Janice. It just came.
[PLAYING TINKLY SONG]
It's no good, Steve. All the
little souvenir shops sell them.
Tourists buy them
by the thousands.
It would take us
forever to run this down.
[MAN SPEAKING INDISTINCTLY]
Hey, what's going on out there?
DANNY: Steve, can you
come out for a minute?
Sure, who is it?
- Bill Stephens, state comptroller.
- Oh, yeah. Hey, Bill. How are you?
Seeing how the other half lives?
Purely utilitarian.
Very functional.
- What can we do for you?
- This looks like the same old stuff.
That's because it
is the same old stuff.
Then what happened to
$14,000 worth of new furniture
and equipment you requisitioned?
I requisitioned?
Here's the form.
Signed by you, Steve.
Just two things
wrong with this, Bill.
I've never seen it before,
and this is not my signature.
We may have a very
serious situation here, Steve.
- Let me explain.
- Yeah, I wish you would.
The governor's
secretary got a phone call
from a newspaper columnist
tracking down a rumor:
corruption in the
Five-0 offices.
From a newspaper columnist,
and they're talking about corruption?
- That's funny. BILL: Well,
anyway, she called me,
and inasmuch as this is the
only thing of any consequence
that's come from you to
me in the last few weeks,
I thought I better come
over and check it out.
Well, now you have.
And I've told you there
is no new furniture,
no new equipment, and
I never requisitioned any.
So if you'll excuse me,
Bill, I have work to do.
The state has already
paid out the money, Steve.
To whom?
Not even locked.
Yeah, it's a drop,
nothing but a phony front.
It's working.
Double-faced tape.
Tom? Bill. About the
Pacific Equipment check...
Are you sure?
When?
Don't tell me.
The check has been cashed.
Deposited in the Pacific
Equipment account
at Hawaii National Bank.
Half-hour later, the president
of Pacific Equipment showed up,
withdrew the entire amount.
[SIGN CLATTERS]
You know something,
gentlemen? I've been had.
Neat as you please,
I've been set up.
- But why?
- I don't know.
I don't know, but
I'm gonna find out.
Thirteen-eight,
13.9, 14, and change.
[JANICE GIGGLING]
And let us not forget
our generous benefactor,
who made this all possible,
although he doesn't know it,
Mr. Steve McGarrett.
Well, Che?
Steve, you say you didn't
sign this, and I believe you.
But if you hadn't told me,
I'd have to swear the
signature was genuine.
It's the best job of
forgery I've ever seen.
At least explains one thing.
In order to pull the swindle,
they had to have the
proper requisition forms.
That's all they needed,
that's all they took.
So how do we find
our paperhanger?
We're dealing with a
top pro here, Danno.
He's cool, skilled
and intelligent.
Contact the FBI in Washington.
Get their current list
of top paperhangers.
- Right.
- Oh, one more thing.
In order to forge my signature,
he had to have a copy.
- Now, where did he get it?
- He never touched the letter file.
You haven't been giving
out autographs, have you?
Wait a minute.
The other day, after the
Rotary Club luncheon,
some kid asked me to sign my picture
on the cover of Honolulu Magazine.
He was a Little
Leaguer, I think.
He had a green
and white uniform on,
and there was a
yellow peak on his cap.
Chin, I've got a hunch.
See if you can find that kid.
Okay, I'll give it a try.
You know what that little guy said?
He wanted to be a detective. Heh.
Can I just have your
endorsement, Commander Hutton?
How long were they inside?
Twelve minutes 23 seconds.
DANNY: "Carter Finley: favorite
M.O., postal money orders.
Last known address,
Hartford, Connecticut.
Wesley M. Colton: favorite
M.O., stolen credit cards.
Last known address,
Miami Beach."
- There are a lot more.
- Keep going, Danno.
"Hunter R. Hickey."
Hunter R. Hickey?
"Also known as H.R.H.
Favorite M.O., check forgery."
- You mean he's out?
- Yeah.
Hunter R. Hickey, H.R.H.
I'd almost forgotten about him.
Do you remember a few years ago
we tipped the Detroit Police
about some stolen traveler's checks,
and I had to fly back east
to testify against the forger?
That's he. You sure he's out?
According to the FBI report,
released from Leavenworth May 16.
Maybe this is just a wild
hunch, Danno, or wishful thinking,
but this is just the sort of caper
that H.R.H. might have dreamed up.
Pull his file.
Now, if he's in the
islands, I wanna talk to him.
Right.
[KNOCKING ON DOOR]
- Who's there?
- Janice.
Did you see the paper
yet? Listen to this.
"Big carrier task force due into
Pearl Friday from the Far East."
Huh? What do you think?
Friday.
Hmm. That's a tight schedule.
But I think we can make it.
Decision time. Friday is D-day.
Um, H.R.H., didn't you say
that it was absolutely impossible
for Steve McGarrett
to get a make on you?
- I did.
- Well, what about this?
Uh, "At Hawaii
Five-0's instigation,
Hawaii Police are combing the state
for a master forger recently released..."
- Let me see that.
- Don't tell us our mastermind goofed.
Impossible.
McGarrett is
guessing, just guessing.
Yeah, but, uh, H.R.H.,
if he does have something on
you, we gotta know by Friday.
Well,
there's one sure
way to find out,
isn't there?
Well.
What can I do for you, Hickey?
H.R.H.: Hunter R.
Hickey, at your service.
We're old friends, Mr. McGarrett.
You may call me Hunter.
I didn't expect to
see you out so soon.
But you were, of
course, a model prisoner.
H.R.H.: Of course.
- What brings you here?
- The afternoon paper.
- You have, I'm sure, seen
it? McGARRETT: We have.
I gather that you've
been looking for me.
- If so, may I ask the charge?
- No charge, yet.
But we do have a few
questions we'd like to ask.
Ask away. You see
before you a reformed man.
All I want to do is be an
honest, contributing island citizen.
The last thing that I would want is
a misunderstanding with the police.
That all sounds very noble.
We'd like to ask
you what you know
about a company
called Pacific Equipment.
And $14,000 worth of
nonexistent office furniture.
Oh, is that what...?
[CHUCKLES]
I heard those rumors.
Very embarrassing for
your office, McGarrett.
And you thought that
that was my little caper,
and I wanted revenge
because you'd put me away?
- It had entered my mind.
- No way.
Oh, those years
of my confinement.
Leavenworth is not exactly
a garden spot, you know.
They taught me
wisdom, they really did.
I'm glad.
They showed me the
course that my life should take
after my release.
The straight and narrow.
The way that I could teach others
to avoid the mistakes of my life.
- How would you go about doing that?
- Through my memoirs.
The only reason that I've
come back to the islands
is to write my memoirs.
What would you use for a title?
How about The Last of
the Great Paperhangers?
[LAUGHING]
Not bad, not bad.
I want you to
know, in all modesty,
I was always the
class of our profession.
Some of my, uh...
Some of my scores are still
thought of as, well, classics.
I'll send you an
autographed copy of my book.
Signed with your own name?
- That would be a
novelty. H.R.H.: Ha, ha.
Far be it for me to mind little
jokes at the expense of my past.
But some things I
do mind, such as this.
Articles planted
in the newspapers.
In the future,
unless you have solid evidence
or are proffering charges,
I don't want to read
any more such stories.
I shall be forced to bring legal
redress. Do I make myself clear?
You buy any of that?
Not one word,
Danno, not one word.
Our friend came here
for just one reason:
to see if we had
anything on him,
because he's
planning a big score.
Now, I'll lay you odds on that.
MACK: How much it cost?
JANICE: Seventeen-fifty.
Beat him down from 2,100.
How we doing?
- Hey. Beautiful. H.R.H.: Mm-hm.
You could always get a job as
a sign painter if things get tough.
You know, the hours aren't too
good, and as for the pay, forget it.
How about the uniforms?
Oh, they should be
ready. I'll check on them.
Thank you.
Thank you.
Your move, Wan Li.
Since you called,
I have been thinking
about your requirements.
I believe imported
talent might be best.
- Imported from where?
WAN: Seattle, I think.
They can come in the
morning, perform for you,
leave on the noon plane.
How much will they cost?
A thousand apiece,
plus travel expenses.
And, of course, my
fee, another 2,500.
Sounds a little steep.
Mack told me you would
accept nothing but the best.
Very well.
This is Calvin.
He plays right field
for the Kaimuki Sharks.
He got two hits today.
He's the one who asked
you for an autograph.
McGARRETT: Yeah,
he's the one, all right.
Hi, Calvin. Sit
up here, will you?
Now, let me ask you
something, just between us.
Did you really want my autograph,
or did someone else ask you to get it?
- How'd you know?
- I'm a detective, remember?
Is this the man?
No, it was a lady.
A real pretty lady.
She gave me $2
and she kissed me.
Ha, ha. This kid's getting
too big for Little League.
- Yeah. CHIN HO: Ha, ha.
Okay, Calvin, come on.
Take him down and let him
look through the mug books.
Maybe we'll get lucky.
[DOOR OPENS]
[ROCK MUSIC PLAYING]
SAILOR: Here, take that.
- Okay, I'll bring your change, sailor.
- Okay, miss.
- Here you go, hon.
- Hey, what are you doing tonight?
Going home to my husband.
He's a lieutenant commander
in the Shore Patrol.
[ALL LAUGHING]
Steve should be back any minute.
Got your message,
Danno. What's the problem?
You're not gonna believe this.
Actually, there's bad
news and good news.
Again?
The bad news is last night
somebody blew the safe
at the government
printing office.
And the good news is that
they didn't take anything.
Right.
Danno, contact
the Secret Service.
Get permission for you and Che
to go over that room
with their Lab boys.
Will do.
Steve, about that
building-equipment company.
Building manager says a girl
rented the store for 30 days.
- Paid them in cash.
- And the bank account?
Opened by a dude who
called himself Abner Hobson.
Reddish hair, steel-rimmed glasses.
That's all the cashier could remember.
No make on him anywhere.
Obviously a phony name.
Gentlemen, I think it's time we
paid some very special attention
to our friend Hunter R. Hickey.
I want a 24-hour tail on him.
Now, if our paperhanger so much as
sticks his nose outside his hotel room,
I wanna know about it.
- What I don't see...
- Yes, Frank?
Since we only took one blank
check, how come only 200,000?
- Why not a half a
million? H.R.H.: Heh.
Did I ever tell you how they
catch monkeys in Africa?
No.
Well, they take an empty
coconut shell and tie it to a tree
with some nuts inside
and a little hole just big
enough for him to get his hand in.
What the hell's that got to
do with half a million dollars?
The monkey comes along,
sticks in his hand, grabs the nuts.
But the hole's too small
for him to get his fist out,
but he won't let
go of those nuts.
He wants them so bad, he
won't let go, and they catch him.
- So?
- So the point is not to be so greedy.
Right.
Two hundred thousand,
a local bank can handle,
but a half a million,
might have to go to
the Federal Reserve.
That means a delay of 48 hours.
Do you want to sit
and wait for 48 hours?
Now, this is something
that might interest you both.
I didn't invent the
technique, but I did...
I did perfect it.
Janice, that Navy payroll
check that you cashed?
First, a length of inked
ribbon of the proper color.
Then a strip of cellophane
tape to cover the ribbon.
Then a sharp stylus
to trace the signature.
I thought you said a traced
signature can be detected.
I did, but this is a
machine signature.
Requires a different technique.
There you are.
Every bit as authentic as
the original machine signature.
That would fool any bank.
So, well, I'd say it's time
for our little phone call.
JANICE: Mm-hm.
Let's see.
Hawaii National Bank?
May we speak with
the cashier, please?
Pearl Harbor
Switchboard calling.
Mr. Darcy?
We have a call for you from
our Fleet Disbursing Office.
Hold on, please.
Hello, Mr. Darcy.
Commander Belding.
Yes, acting disbursement
officer at Pearl.
Commander Hutton's on leave.
Say, Mr. Darcy,
Navy's got a problem.
We've got a big carrier
force coming in today,
and I think that we need
a little more currency
than Commander Hutton drew.
If I brought along
another Treasury check,
could you help us out?
Oh, not much. Just
another 200,000, that's all.
You can? Oh,
that's fine, Mr. Darcy.
Navy appreciates it.
Goodbye.
[ALL LAUGH]
[CAR APPROACHING]
Ah.
Here, for you. Thank you.
[KEYS JINGLING]
[ENGINE STARTS]
DANNY: Everything is
accounted for up to here?
HELMS: Yes...
- Mr. Williams?
I don't know whether this
means anything, but look.
This shipment of
Treasury checks,
stamped and ready to
go out to the Navy at Pearl,
there's one blank check
missing from the back.
One blank check.
If it were misprinted or damaged,
then it would be stamped void.
But it wouldn't be thrown away.
Get me Steve McGarrett.
That's it, Danno, got to be.
They broke into a government
office and blew a safe,
all for one blank check.
HELMS: But why?
I could understand taking
Treasury certificates,
bonds, even passport forms.
But a blank government
check, and a Navy check at that?
Oh, they could cash it for
a few hundred dollars, sure,
but not for any larger
amount, no way.
- Why do you say that, Mr. Helms?
HELMS: Navy security procedure.
It would have to be cashed
by a disbursing officer
with the proper credentials,
uniformed armed guards,
and a convoy of Navy vehicles.
I see. Thank you.
Let's go, Danno.
I smell a pro here, Danno.
What is our friend Hunter
R. Hickey doing right now?
Driving around downtown Honolulu
with Chin and Duke on his tail.
They can't make him out.
- Just driving around?
DANNY: Yeah.
Doesn't make sense.
Doesn't feel right.
Oh, Mr. Helms, one more thing.
Would you mind
notifying all Oahu banks
about that stolen check and
the serial number immediately?
HELMS: Certainly.
- Thank you.
All set.
All right, let's go. Very cool.
[ENGINE STARTS]
- Chin Ho.
- [OVER RADIO] McGarrett.
- Yeah, Steve? McGARRETT:
What's your heading?
We're on Waiola Street.
McGARRETT: His
Highness tipped his hand?
Hasn't made a move yet. He
seems to be heading out of town.
McGARRETT: Stay with him, Chin.
- We're all ready for you,
commander. H.R.H.: Mr. Darcy.
Here you are.
- It's all ready to be
counted. H.R.H.: Fine.
Commander Hutton and
the boys will appreciate this.
- Correct to the penny.
- If you'll just endorse this?
Yep, all in order. I'll
see you out, commander.
H.R.H.: Ah, thank you.
There's an important
phone call for you, Mr. Darcy.
DARCY: Have them
hold just one moment.
The Navy's grateful for
your cooperation, Mr. Darcy.
- Just keep on defending us.
- Thank you.
They what?
MAN [OVER RADIO]: A Navy officer
cashed that stolen Treasury check
at the Bank of
Honolulu for $200,000.
- Our friend H.R.H., huh?
- How's that possible?
Chin and Duke have
been tailing him all morning.
Yeah.
JANICE: Officer!
Could you help me?
Those two men have been
following me all morning.
[CAR DOOR CLOSES
AND ENGINE STARTS]
I had no idea. They all
seemed so legitimate.
I had no reason to doubt.
[TIRES SQUEAL]
Excuse me for a second.
It wasn't H.R.H. in that car
we were following, Steve.
It was a girl. She tricked us.
So it was our old friend
Hunter R. Hickey after all.
- And he got away with it.
- Yeah, maybe.
Maybe not. Let's go.
[TIRES SQUEAL]
Thank you, boys. Thank you.
First rate. Professional all the way.
See you on the mainland
one of these days.
All right, boys, on your
way as quick as you can.
- Ah. Ha-ha-ha.
- We did it. We did it.
- I just heard it on the radio.
- Did you have any doubts?
Better get going if we
wanna get that plane.
Just one thing we
have to take care of.
The staff car has to go
back where it came from.
Why?
Because if they find it
here, they might trace it to us.
There's nothing to it.
Bring it back to the lot, we
pick you up at the corner,
we zoom right
out to the airport.
- Well, I don't like it.
- Trust me.
MACK: Okay.
H.R.H.: There you
go. JANICE: Okay.
- Can you make it,
Mack? MACK: I'm all right.
You're clear.
Uh, hello, Police Department?
The man who took that
staff car, the Navy staff car,
is returning it to the lot where
he got it in just a few minutes.
While the police are busy with
Mack, we'll be on our plane and away.
Why?
Things will be a lot
cozier without him.
- What if he should talk?
- No, he's not gonna talk.
He won't know that we tipped
them off. Now, come along, love.
- Here we go.
- Ha, ha.
WOMAN [OVER PA]: Flight
218 for Los Angeles now ready...
That's us. Uh, you go ahead.
We won't board together
just in case. Ahem.
WOMAN [OVER PA]: Flight
Number 218 for Los Angeles
now ready for
boarding at Gate 7.
Thank you. Thank you.
WOMAN [OVER PA]: United
Airlines Flight 68 from San Francisco
is now arriving at Gate 22.
United Airlines
Flight 68 from...
Just a moment, sir.
Would you mind
opening that carryon bag?
- What'd you say?
- Would you please open your bag?
- Why?
- For a special security inspection, sir.
Well, isn't this highly irregular?
Uh, whose bright idea was this?
- Mine.
- Damn it.
- What...?
- Do you mind opening it, or shall we?
It's just been through
that thing, you know?
Oh, that valet of mine.
You know, you just can't
get good help these days.
DANNY: One minute, miss.
Calvin, is this the pretty lady
who paid you to get
Mr. McGarrett's autograph?
CALVIN: Sure is. Hi.
Could I have a look
in that bag, please?
WOMAN [OVER PA]: Air
Siam Flight 16 for Hong Kong,
passengers are now
boarding at Gate 14.
Well, what do you know?
[JANICE SIGHS]
You know, I just can't figure
out where I went wrong.
Every detail planned,
executed perfectly.
Except one.
Now, when you break
into a man's office,
you should always make it
a point to steal something.
That's what did you in.
Danno, book them.
Aloha.