Have Gun - Will Travel (1957–1963): Season 2, Episode 5 - Duel at Florence - full transcript
Florence township's barber and self-taught physician refuses to kill for the hand of his fiancée, but her other two suitors have no such qualms.
I ASSURE YOU, MR. SUNDERLAND.
YOU'LL GET WHAT
YOU'RE PAYING FOR.
AND YOU, MR. CLAY...
YOU'LL GET WHAT
YOU'RE ASKING FOR.
WHENEVER YOU'RE READY.
[LAUGHTER]
WIRE FOR YOU, MR. PALADIN.
HEY BOY, I DIDN'T KNOW YOU
READ HOTEL GUESTS' MAIL.
NOT ALWAYS. ONLY SOMETIME.
WHEN ENVELOPE IS OPEN.
YOUR MAIL EASILY THE
BEST IN THE WHOLE HOTEL.
THANK YOU VERY MUCH, HEY BOY.
"YOUR PRESENCE REQUIRED
IN FLORENCE, CALIFORNIA.
ENCLOSED, MONEY ORDER. $82.17."
NO SIGNATURE.
THAT'S NOT ENOUGH MONEY FOR
YOUR NEWSPAPER FOR ONE YEAR.
WELL, IT CERTAINLY
IS AN ODD AMOUNT.
HEY BOY, HOLD MY MAIL
FOR THE NEXT FEW DAYS.
AFTER YOU'RE
FINISHED READING IT.
YOU'RE GOING? I AM.
$82.17.
HMMM, BUSINESS MUST BE VERY BAD.
[GUNSHOTS]
SHAVE, MISTER? WANT
TO CLEAN UP A BIT?
SHAVE'S 15 CENTS.
HAIRCUT'S THE SAME.
BOTH FOR TWO BITS.
CLEAN-UP'S FREE.
[GUNSHOTS]
ALL RIGHT...
I'LL TAKE A SHAVE.
RIGHT OVER HERE.
[GUNSHOTS]
THANK YOU.
[GUNSHOTS OUTSIDE]
YOU UH... COME A
DISTANCE? THAT'S RIGHT.
PEOPLE IN THIS TOWN LIKE
GUNFIGHTING IN THE STREET?
OH, NO. THOSE TWO BEEN
GROWLING AT EACH OTHER ALL WEEK.
THEY STARTED
SHOOTING THIS MORNING.
FIXED THEMSELVES UP
SOME COVER, AS YOU CAN SEE,
THEN SETTLED DOWN TO SEE
WHO'D MAKE THE FIRST MISTAKE.
WHY DOESN'T SOMEONE
TRY TO STOP IT?
THAT'S JEFF SUNDERLAND AND
MAX CLAY OUT THERE, MISTER.
THEY'RE UGLY MEN AND
THEY DON'T WANT IT STOPPED.
IS THAT SO?
WHAT'S THEIR QUARREL?
BELLE HOOPER. THEY
BOTH WANT TO MARRY HER.
WELL, I GUESS CHARLES
DARWIN WOULD APPROVE.
HE WANT TO MARRY BELLE TOO? NO!
HE'S A SCIENTIST WITH A THEORY
ABOUT SURVIVAL OF THE FITTEST.
OH. BELLE PUT THEM UP TO IT?
NO, SHE DON'T WANT TO
MARRY EITHER ONE OF 'EM.
SHE'S GOT ANOTHER FELLA.
IS THAT SO?
WHAT'S YOUR NAME? ERNIE TELLER.
ERNIE... WHERE'D
YOU GET THAT CARD?
OH, THIS WOMAN
CAME IN AWHILE BACK.
THINK SHE MUST HAVE BEEN
AN ACTRESS OR SOMETHING.
SHE HAD THE NICEST
HAIR I EVER DID CUT.
KINDA RED GOLD.
ANYWAY, WHEN SHE REACHED
IN HER PURSE TO PAY ME,
THE CARD SLIPPED OUT.
FUNNY, SHE SURE WAS
MAD ABOUT SOMETHING.
SHE STAMPED ON IT WHEN SHE LEFT.
RED GOLD, HUH?
THAT'S RIGHT.
ERNIE... $82.17.
THAT AMOUNT OF MONEY
MEAN ANYTHING TO YOU?
RECKONED YOU MIGHT BE THE
ONE WHEN I SAW YOU RIDE IN.
THAT'D BE ME THAT
SENT THAT WIRE.
$82 IS ALL I HAD.
I WAS HOPING YOU'D GET HERE BEFORE
IT CAME TO GUNS, AND HEADED OFF.
I, UH... SUPPOSE YOU WONDER WHY.
I THINK I KNOW WHY.
THAT THIRD MAN, THE ONE
BELLE WANTS TO MARRY.
THAT'D BE YOU. THAT'S RIGHT.
[GUNSHOTS OUTSIDE]
CAREFUL NEAR THE MUSTACHE, HUH?
YOU'VE GOT A NICE TOUCH.
AIN'T MUCH I DO WELL BUT
BARBERING'S MY TRADE.
'COURSE I DO A LITTLE VETTING
AND SOME DOCTORING TOO.
40 MILES TO A REAL DOC AND...
I KINDA LIKE TO FIX FOLKS UP.
JUST PATCHWORK, I
DON'T KNOW MUCH YET.
SEEMS TO ME IF THIS BELLE
IS THE RIGHT SORT OF GIRL,
SHE'D MARRY YOU NOW AND HELP
YOU WHILE YOU STUDIED MEDICINE.
WELL, SHE WOULD IF... [GUNSHOTS]
SHE WANTS SOMETHING
YOU WON'T GIVE HER?
LIKE A GUNFIGHT?
I JUST CAN'T SHOOT
ANYONE, MR. PALADIN.
I SEEN A LOT OF BULLET HOLES.
LITTLE AND ANGRY GOING IN AND...
REAL BIG AND RIPPED COMING OUT.
I HEAR A SHOT AND...
I SEE A HOLE THROUGH SOMEONE.
WELL ERNIE, THAT'S
VERY TOUCHING.
'COURSE YOU WOULDN'T MIND
IF I MADE THOSE HOLES FOR YOU.
I DON'T REALLY
WANT THAT NEITHER.
SOMEBODY'S GOTTA DO
SOMETHING TO STOP THOSE TWO.
BELLE THINKS I'M JUST SCARED
TO GET MY HEAD BLOWN IN.
YOU DON'T NEED A HEAD IF
YOU'RE NOT GOING TO USE IT.
HUH?
IF I GUN DOWN JEFF AND MAX,
BELLE'S GONNA WANT
YOU TO FIGHT ME FOR HER.
YOU WOULDN'T DO THAT, WOULD YOU?
WOULDN'T DO WHAT, ERNIE?
YOU GOT NO BUSINESS OUT
THERE WITH THAT FIGHT GOING ON.
WOULDN'T DO WHAT,
ERNIE? NOTHING.
NOTHING?
ERNIE, MAYBE NEXT MINUTE
JEFF OR MAX IS GONNA COME
WALKING IN THAT DOOR SAYING,
"BELLE, I KILLED HIM FOR YOU,"
AND GRAB ME. AND
WHO'S TO STOP HIM?
IT'LL BE TOO LATE THEN
'CAUSE HE'LL HAVE A RIGHT.
YOU'VE GOT TO STOP
THAT FIGHT NOW.
THE ONLY WAY TO STOP THAT
FIGHT IS TO START ANOTHER ONE.
I DON'T CARE. JUST
SO IT'S STOPPED.
YOU WANT ERNIE OUT THERE
FIGHTING THOSE TWO MEN?
I WANT ERNIE DOING SOMETHING!
WHERE DOES HE FIT
INTO THIS ANYWAY?
MY NAME IS PALADIN.
YOU COULD SAY I'M ONE OF
THOSE INNOCENT BYSTANDERS
WHO MIGHT GET WINGED.
SO I'LL EVEN THE
ODDS UP A LITTLE BIT.
ERNIE AND I WILL
TAKE ON JEFF AND MAX.
ALL RIGHT, ERNIE?
ALL RIGHT.
WHY ARE YOU SHAVING IN
THE MIDDLE OF THIS GUNFIGHT?
I FIGURE TONIGHT'S GONNA
BE MY WEDDING NIGHT.
I HAVE BEEN HACKING
MYSELF TO PIECES.
WOULD YOU GIVE ME A HAND, ERNIE?
SURE.
YOU BEST HAVE SOME
LEGITIMATE REASON
FOR INTERRUPTING
ME DURING A FIGHT, SIR.
BEST REASON IN THE WORLD.
THERE'S NO POINT TO
IT. SHOULD BE STOPPED.
IT'S NOT YOUR AFFAIR. YOU
BETTER GET OUT OF THIS
BEFORE YOU GET
SHOT ACCIDENTALLY.
YOU'RE UP AGAINST THE
WRONG MAN, YOU KNOW.
YOUR PARDON?
IT'S ERNIE HERE THAT
BELLE WANTS TO MARRY.
WRONG MAN? YOU'RE TRIFLING
WITH THE WRONG MAN, SIR.
TELL HIM, ERNIE. IT'S SO.
THAT'S REMARKABLY BAD
TASTE ON BELLE'S PART.
STILL, ERNIE HERE CAN
WAIT TIL I'M DONE WITH MAX.
YOU'RE WRONG. WAY I SEE IT,
IT'S YOU AND MAX SHOOTING
IT OUT MONTANA STYLE
AGAINST ERNIE AND ME.
YOU'RE BEGINNING
TO ANNOY ME, SIR.
WELL, THAT HELPS.
BEFORE YOU USE THIS
GUN, I'D LIKE TO REMIND YOU
ABOUT THAT RAZOR
SCRAPING YOUR THROAT.
YOU ARE SORELY TEMPTING
ME TO SHOOT YOU FLUSH,
AND NO NONSENSE ABOUT A DUEL.
WELL, I'LL TRY THE
SPORTING MAN IN YOU.
I'LL BE VERY HAPPY TO MAKE
A $1,000 SIDE BET WITH YOU.
IF IT'S MONTANA STYLE.
DONE AND DONE.
I'D ADMIRE KILLING
YOU AT A PROFIT.
JUST WHO IS IT I'LL BE KILLING?
MY NAME IS PALADIN.
ERNIE...
WHAT DO I OWE YOU FOR THE SHAVE?
ON THE HOUSE, JEFF.
YOU'RE A MEALY-MOUTHED LIAR!
ANY WORD OUT OF YOU
IS GONNA BE YOUR LAST.
I REPEAT, BELLE
WANTS TO MARRY ERNIE.
NOT YOU OR JEFF.
I'M BETTING NOW.
JEFF SUNDERLAND
DREW THE FIRST BLOOD,
BUT I'M GONNA DRAIN ALL OF HIS.
AND BELLE'LL BE MY WOMAN.
IF ERNIE WANTS TO
DO ANYTHING ABOUT IT,
HE'S WELCOME!
NOW GET GOING, THE BOTH OF YOU!
DOESN'T IT MAKE ANY DIFFERENCE
THAT BELLE WANTS ERNIE, NOT YOU?
WHO CARES WHAT ANY WOMAN WANTS?
TOLD YOU TO GET GOING. I
FIGHT ONE FIGHT AT A TIME.
NO MONTANA DUEL? NO.
THERE'S NO WAY I
CAN CONVINCE YOU?
LISTEN YOU... I'VE
KILLED PLENTY OF MEN
THAT CAUSED ME LESS
TROUBLE THAN YOU.
NOW GET GOING DOWN THAT STREET,
AND PRAY YOU DON'T GET A
BULLET IN THE BACK OF YOUR HEAD!
NOW MAX, YOU WERE SAYING?
WE'LL FINISH THIS
WITH GUNS, MISTER.
THAT'S VERY CLEVER OF YOU, MAX.
SUGGEST A MONTANA
DUEL, OF COURSE?
YOU TALK BETTER THAN I DO.
WE'LL SEE HOW YOU TALK
WITH A MOUTHFUL OF BLOOD.
MAX?
JEFF?
ERNIE AND I WILL
TAKE YOUR WAGON.
OH NO, YOU WON'T. I
DON'T BELIEVE YOU WILL.
VERY WELL, YOU GENTLEMEN
TAKE THAT BARRICADE.
NOW, YOU KNOW MONTANA RULES.
ONE RIFLE, TWO
BULLETS TO EACH MAN.
EVERYONE BREAKS FROM
COVER AT THE SIGNAL.
WHO GIVES THE SIGNAL?
THE ONE APPROPRIATE CHOICE.
NO PLEASE, MR. PALADIN.
METHINKS THE LADY
DOTH PROTEST TOO MUCH.
SHE AGREEABLE TO
YOU? SHE'S FINE, SIR.
MAX? SURE.
ERNIE? ALL RIGHT.
WE'LL MEET BACK
HERE IN TEN MINUTES.
THAT GIVES YOU TIME TO PLAN
WHATEVER STRATEGY YOU WANT.
LET'S GO GET A DRINK, MAX.
YOU SHOULD FIND
THIS VERY AMUSING.
I WONDER WHO IT'LL
BE THAT GETS KILLED.
IT'LL PROBABLY MAKE YOU
FEEL MUCH MORE LIKE A WOMAN,
HAVING FOUR MEN SHOOT IT
OUT OVER YOU IN THE STREET.
EXCUSE ME.
WHY DID YOU LET 'EM
HAVE MAX'S WAGON?
IT'S THE BEST COVER.
I WANT THEM TO HAVE IT.
SUN'LL BE IN THEIR EYES.
YOU HAVE A RIFLE?
YOU EVER FIRE THIS? NO.
I AIN'T GONNA EITHER.
THERE'S A LOT OF PEOPLE
OUT THERE AND GONNA BE MORE.
I MIGHT HIT ONE OF 'EM.
ABOUT THE ONLY THING
I'M NOT GOING TO HIT,
IS THE THING I'M AIMING AT.
THAT FELLA WHO THOUGHT UP
THAT SURVIVAL OF THE FITTEST.
DARWIN. YEAH, THAT'S HIM.
HE WOULDN'T THINK
SHUCKS OF ME, WOULD HE?
I'M JUST NOT VERY FIT. NOT HERE.
DON'T KNOW HOW TO KILL PEOPLE.
DON'T WANT TO NEITHER.
AND THAT'S NO LIKELY
WAY TO SURVIVE.
NOT AROUND HERE.
JUST DON'T SEEM
FAIR THAT SURVIVING
HAS TO MEAN KILLING
SOMEBODY ELSE.
I JUST AIN'T GONNA TRY IT.
ERNIE, YOUR
REASONING'S FAIR ENOUGH.
BUT WHEN A MAN COMES
AFTER YOU WITH A GUN,
REASON BECOMES MERELY WORDS.
SURVIVAL MEANS ACTION.
SOMEBODY'S GOTTA START
SETTLING THINGS WITHOUT GUNS.
SOMEBODY JUST HAS
TO BE THE FIRST ONE.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONLY ONE
HERE WITH A SURVIVAL PROBLEM.
SOMEDAY THIS COUNTRY
WON'T BE SO HARD.
PEOPLE LIKE YOU
WILL STILL BE HERE,
AND THE KILLERS WILL BE DEAD.
BUT FOR NOW...
PUT TWO BULLETS IN THAT.
I'LL BE RIGHT BACK.
YOUR HORSE? AND MY RIFLE.
MIND IF I BORROW IT?
I'LL PAY FOR THE BULLETS
AND THE DRINKS LATER.
I'VE SEEN JEFF AND
MAX USE THEIR RIFLES.
COULD YOU BUY ME THE
DRINK BEFORE THE FIGHT?
ALL RIGHT, LET'S DO IT THAT WAY.
I HAVEN'T TIME TO CHANGE MY WILL
TO INCLUDE A LIQUOR REQUEST.
WHAT DO YOU ALLOW
FOR THE SIGHTS?
'BOUT FOUR INCHES TO
THE RIGHT, EVERY 100 YARDS.
HEY CHARLIE! GET OUT OF THE WAY.
YOU WANT TO GET SHOT?
IT ALSO DROPS ABOUT TWO INCHES.
ALL RIGHT, I'LL BUY
YOU THAT DRINK NOW.
WELL, THERE'S NO REAL HURRY.
COME ON.
WHAT DO YOU DRINK, MISTER?
WHISKEY, AND MY
NAME IS HANK. WHISKEY.
YOU GENTLEMEN
PLANNED YOUR FIGHT?
YOU'LL FIND OUT SOON ENOUGH.
TO YOUR DISCOMFORT, I TRUST.
THAT'S A VERY APT TOAST.
TO THE DISCOMFORT
OF OUR ENEMIES.
I SUPPOSE YOU'RE DETERMINED TO
GO THROUGH WITH THIS SHOOTOUT.
NOW LISTEN TO HIM,
CRAWLING AROUND.
AFTER ALL YOU'VE DONE
TO START THIS FIGHT.
ARE YOU SERIOUSLY TRYING
TO CALL IT OFF? NOT AT ALL.
I KNEW THAT IN THE HEAT
OF YOUR OWN BATTLE,
REASON COULD NEVER PREVAIL.
BUT I THOUGHT NOW YOU'VE
HAD A CHANCE TO COOL OUT,
YOU MIGHT POSSIBLY
UNDERSTAND THE REASON
OF LETTING BELLE CHOOSE
THE MAN SHE WANTS TO MARRY.
SORRY, MY MISTAKE.
MAYBE YOUR LAST MISTAKE.
YOURS AND THAT BARBER'S.
OR ANY WITH A
RIFLE. [MAX LAUGHING]
IT'S GONNA BE SOMETHING TO SEE.
TELL THE TRUTH, SIR.
YOU'RE TRYING TO BACK OUT 'CAUSE YOU
REALIZE THAT ONCE THE SHOOTING STARTS,
YOU'LL BE OUT THERE
ALL BY YOURSELF.
YOU CHOOSE TO MISUNDERSTAND ME.
HANK?
MR. SUNDERLAND, I ASSURE YOU
YOU'LL GET WHAT
YOU'RE PAYING FOR.
AND MR. CLAY,
YOU'LL CERTAINLY GET
WHAT YOU'VE BEEN ASKING FOR.
ANY TIME YOU'RE READY.
HELP YOURSELF, HANK.
MISTER...
MISTER, WHAT WAS IT AGAIN?
I THINK I'D JUST AS SOON BE
PLAIN MISTER TO YOU, BELLE.
WHAT YOU SAID
BEFORE COULD BE TRUE.
A FIGHT OVER A WOMAN
USUALLY STARTS WITH A WOMAN.
YES, I DID ENCOURAGE
MAX AND JEFF A LITTLE, BUT...
SOME OF IT'S ERNIE'S FAULT.
HE'S GOT TO SHOW
SOME BIT OF SPUNK.
A WIFE WOULD BE ENTITLED TO
SOME PROTECTION, AND THE CHILDREN.
IT CAN BE HARD JUST TO
GROW TO BE OLD ENOUGH
TO PROTECT YOURSELF OUT HERE.
NOBODY THINKS ERNIE CAN DO IT.
HE AGREED TO FIGHT.
BECAUSE YOU CAME.
YOU'RE AWFULLY GOOD
WITH A GUN, I SAW THAT.
NOW IT'S ERNIE NEEDS PROTECTING.
MAYBE THIS IS ALL
ON MY HEAD AND...
I AIN'T ASKING YOU
TO LIKE ME FOR IT.
BUT DON'T LET HIM GET HURT.
WELL, IT'S LATE FOR THAT.
PLEASE, LISTEN TO ME.
I WANT YOU TO UNDERSTAND THIS.
I HAD A FATHER WHO
DIDN'T BELIEVE IN VIOLENCE.
HE'D NEVER FIGHT. HE
TURNED THE OTHER CHEEK.
WE RAN FROM TOWN TO TOWN.
SOON AS THE PEOPLE
SAW THE WAY HE WAS,
THE BULLIES WOULD BE ON US.
THEY ROUGHED HIM AND
THEY LAUGHED AT HIM.
AND THEY MADE
FREE WITH ALL OF US.
MAYBE MY PA WAS IN THE RIGHT.
BUT THAT DIDN'T
MAKE IT HURT LESS.
NO, MISTER. NOT FOR MY KIDS!
HERE.
USE THAT TO SIGNAL WITH.
BELLE, MAYBE THIS'LL
TURN OUT ALL RIGHT.
ERNIE!
WHICH ONE DO YOU WANT?
BOTH.
WELL, YOU WON'T NEED THOSE.
HANK!
ALL RIGHT, LET'S SEE 'EM.
HERE'S MY $1,000.
AND MINE, SIR. LET
HER HOLD THE STAKES.
I DON'T CARE TO EMPTY
A DEAD MAN'S POCKETS.
PLEASE CALL IT OFF.
IF I DID ANYTHING
OR SAID ANYTHING
TO MAKE YOU THINK
THAT... LET'S GO.
I'M NOT AT ALL A
DRINKING MAN BUT,
RIGHT NOW I WISH I WAS.
I UH... I DIDN'T LOAD THE GUN.
THE BULLETS ARE IN
THE SAND OUT THERE.
I KNOW.
WE'LL HAVE TO BREAK
OUT OF HERE AT THE SIGNAL.
GET BEHIND THAT WATER TROUGH,
KEEP YOUR HEAD
DOWN AND STAY THERE.
DROP IT, MAX.
DROP IT!
SHAME, MAX. SHAME!
CAN'T YOU COUNT?
YOU ALL RIGHT? NO.
GUNSHOT. GOOD.
WELL, STAKES ARE YOURS.
I'LL RIDE YOU AS
FAR AS THE DOCK.
THANK YOU.
OH, ERNIE! BELLE.
YOU DIDN'T EVEN
FIRE THAT OLD RIFLE.
MAKES NO DIFFERENCE IF
YOU DIDN'T HIT ANYTHING,
YOU COULD HAVE
AT LEAST FIRED IT.
OH, ERNIE! YOU
DIDN'T EVEN LOAD IT!
[ALL LAUGHING]
YOU THINK THAT'S FUNNY?
HOW MANY OF YOU WOULD HAVE
COME OUT FROM BEHIND A BARRICADE
WITHOUT ANY
AMMUNITION IN THAT RIFLE?
IF I WERE YOU, I'D CONCENTRATE
ON BEING A GOOD
ENOUGH WIFE FOR ERNIE.
UNLESS YOU DON'T RECOGNIZE
QUITE A MAN WHEN YOU SEE ONE.
OH, ERNIE. YOU'RE A BLIND FOOL.
SORRY, BELLE. IT'S
JUST THE WAY I AM.
I GUESS YOU'LL JUST HAVE
TO TAKE IT OR LEAVE IT.
OH, ERNIE. I LOVE YOU.
OH, BELLE.
MAY I OFFER MY BEST WISHES,
AND TROUBLE YOU
FOR MY $2,000, PLEASE?
OH, YES.
HOW'D YOU EVER COME
TO KNOW A MAN LIKE HIM?
UH, WELL...
OURS WAS A FINANCIAL
RELATIONSHIP.
HOW MUCH DID YOU
PAY HIM TO COME HERE?
$82.17.
OH, THAT'S JUST ABOUT
ALL YOU EVER SAVED UP.
AND IT'S MUCH TOO MUCH.
BESIDES, YOU WON $1,000.
I HAD THE SIZE OF MY FEE IN
MIND, WHEN I MADE THE BET.
SEE I'LL CALL THE $82...
$83, A WEDDING GIFT.
EXCEPT I'LL JUST TAKE
OUT $10 FOR MY EXPENSES.
THANKS.
IT'S JUST A MATTER OF
STANDING UP TO SOMEONE.
A DOCTOR'S THE
LAST MAN FOLKS PAY,
AND YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO LEARN
HOW TO COLLECT ON YOUR BILLS.
SO YOU SEE, THE NEXT...
♪ HAVE GUN, WILL TRAVEL
READS THE CARD OF A MAN ♪
♪ A KNIGHT WITHOUT
ARMOR IN A SAVAGE LAND ♪
♪ HIS FAST GUN FOR HIRE
HEEDS THE CALLING WIND ♪
♪ A SOLDIER OF FORTUNE
IS THE MAN CALLED... ♪
♪ PALADIN ♪
♪ PALADIN, PALADIN
WHERE DO YOU ROAM ♪
YOU'LL GET WHAT
YOU'RE PAYING FOR.
AND YOU, MR. CLAY...
YOU'LL GET WHAT
YOU'RE ASKING FOR.
WHENEVER YOU'RE READY.
[LAUGHTER]
WIRE FOR YOU, MR. PALADIN.
HEY BOY, I DIDN'T KNOW YOU
READ HOTEL GUESTS' MAIL.
NOT ALWAYS. ONLY SOMETIME.
WHEN ENVELOPE IS OPEN.
YOUR MAIL EASILY THE
BEST IN THE WHOLE HOTEL.
THANK YOU VERY MUCH, HEY BOY.
"YOUR PRESENCE REQUIRED
IN FLORENCE, CALIFORNIA.
ENCLOSED, MONEY ORDER. $82.17."
NO SIGNATURE.
THAT'S NOT ENOUGH MONEY FOR
YOUR NEWSPAPER FOR ONE YEAR.
WELL, IT CERTAINLY
IS AN ODD AMOUNT.
HEY BOY, HOLD MY MAIL
FOR THE NEXT FEW DAYS.
AFTER YOU'RE
FINISHED READING IT.
YOU'RE GOING? I AM.
$82.17.
HMMM, BUSINESS MUST BE VERY BAD.
[GUNSHOTS]
SHAVE, MISTER? WANT
TO CLEAN UP A BIT?
SHAVE'S 15 CENTS.
HAIRCUT'S THE SAME.
BOTH FOR TWO BITS.
CLEAN-UP'S FREE.
[GUNSHOTS]
ALL RIGHT...
I'LL TAKE A SHAVE.
RIGHT OVER HERE.
[GUNSHOTS]
THANK YOU.
[GUNSHOTS OUTSIDE]
YOU UH... COME A
DISTANCE? THAT'S RIGHT.
PEOPLE IN THIS TOWN LIKE
GUNFIGHTING IN THE STREET?
OH, NO. THOSE TWO BEEN
GROWLING AT EACH OTHER ALL WEEK.
THEY STARTED
SHOOTING THIS MORNING.
FIXED THEMSELVES UP
SOME COVER, AS YOU CAN SEE,
THEN SETTLED DOWN TO SEE
WHO'D MAKE THE FIRST MISTAKE.
WHY DOESN'T SOMEONE
TRY TO STOP IT?
THAT'S JEFF SUNDERLAND AND
MAX CLAY OUT THERE, MISTER.
THEY'RE UGLY MEN AND
THEY DON'T WANT IT STOPPED.
IS THAT SO?
WHAT'S THEIR QUARREL?
BELLE HOOPER. THEY
BOTH WANT TO MARRY HER.
WELL, I GUESS CHARLES
DARWIN WOULD APPROVE.
HE WANT TO MARRY BELLE TOO? NO!
HE'S A SCIENTIST WITH A THEORY
ABOUT SURVIVAL OF THE FITTEST.
OH. BELLE PUT THEM UP TO IT?
NO, SHE DON'T WANT TO
MARRY EITHER ONE OF 'EM.
SHE'S GOT ANOTHER FELLA.
IS THAT SO?
WHAT'S YOUR NAME? ERNIE TELLER.
ERNIE... WHERE'D
YOU GET THAT CARD?
OH, THIS WOMAN
CAME IN AWHILE BACK.
THINK SHE MUST HAVE BEEN
AN ACTRESS OR SOMETHING.
SHE HAD THE NICEST
HAIR I EVER DID CUT.
KINDA RED GOLD.
ANYWAY, WHEN SHE REACHED
IN HER PURSE TO PAY ME,
THE CARD SLIPPED OUT.
FUNNY, SHE SURE WAS
MAD ABOUT SOMETHING.
SHE STAMPED ON IT WHEN SHE LEFT.
RED GOLD, HUH?
THAT'S RIGHT.
ERNIE... $82.17.
THAT AMOUNT OF MONEY
MEAN ANYTHING TO YOU?
RECKONED YOU MIGHT BE THE
ONE WHEN I SAW YOU RIDE IN.
THAT'D BE ME THAT
SENT THAT WIRE.
$82 IS ALL I HAD.
I WAS HOPING YOU'D GET HERE BEFORE
IT CAME TO GUNS, AND HEADED OFF.
I, UH... SUPPOSE YOU WONDER WHY.
I THINK I KNOW WHY.
THAT THIRD MAN, THE ONE
BELLE WANTS TO MARRY.
THAT'D BE YOU. THAT'S RIGHT.
[GUNSHOTS OUTSIDE]
CAREFUL NEAR THE MUSTACHE, HUH?
YOU'VE GOT A NICE TOUCH.
AIN'T MUCH I DO WELL BUT
BARBERING'S MY TRADE.
'COURSE I DO A LITTLE VETTING
AND SOME DOCTORING TOO.
40 MILES TO A REAL DOC AND...
I KINDA LIKE TO FIX FOLKS UP.
JUST PATCHWORK, I
DON'T KNOW MUCH YET.
SEEMS TO ME IF THIS BELLE
IS THE RIGHT SORT OF GIRL,
SHE'D MARRY YOU NOW AND HELP
YOU WHILE YOU STUDIED MEDICINE.
WELL, SHE WOULD IF... [GUNSHOTS]
SHE WANTS SOMETHING
YOU WON'T GIVE HER?
LIKE A GUNFIGHT?
I JUST CAN'T SHOOT
ANYONE, MR. PALADIN.
I SEEN A LOT OF BULLET HOLES.
LITTLE AND ANGRY GOING IN AND...
REAL BIG AND RIPPED COMING OUT.
I HEAR A SHOT AND...
I SEE A HOLE THROUGH SOMEONE.
WELL ERNIE, THAT'S
VERY TOUCHING.
'COURSE YOU WOULDN'T MIND
IF I MADE THOSE HOLES FOR YOU.
I DON'T REALLY
WANT THAT NEITHER.
SOMEBODY'S GOTTA DO
SOMETHING TO STOP THOSE TWO.
BELLE THINKS I'M JUST SCARED
TO GET MY HEAD BLOWN IN.
YOU DON'T NEED A HEAD IF
YOU'RE NOT GOING TO USE IT.
HUH?
IF I GUN DOWN JEFF AND MAX,
BELLE'S GONNA WANT
YOU TO FIGHT ME FOR HER.
YOU WOULDN'T DO THAT, WOULD YOU?
WOULDN'T DO WHAT, ERNIE?
YOU GOT NO BUSINESS OUT
THERE WITH THAT FIGHT GOING ON.
WOULDN'T DO WHAT,
ERNIE? NOTHING.
NOTHING?
ERNIE, MAYBE NEXT MINUTE
JEFF OR MAX IS GONNA COME
WALKING IN THAT DOOR SAYING,
"BELLE, I KILLED HIM FOR YOU,"
AND GRAB ME. AND
WHO'S TO STOP HIM?
IT'LL BE TOO LATE THEN
'CAUSE HE'LL HAVE A RIGHT.
YOU'VE GOT TO STOP
THAT FIGHT NOW.
THE ONLY WAY TO STOP THAT
FIGHT IS TO START ANOTHER ONE.
I DON'T CARE. JUST
SO IT'S STOPPED.
YOU WANT ERNIE OUT THERE
FIGHTING THOSE TWO MEN?
I WANT ERNIE DOING SOMETHING!
WHERE DOES HE FIT
INTO THIS ANYWAY?
MY NAME IS PALADIN.
YOU COULD SAY I'M ONE OF
THOSE INNOCENT BYSTANDERS
WHO MIGHT GET WINGED.
SO I'LL EVEN THE
ODDS UP A LITTLE BIT.
ERNIE AND I WILL
TAKE ON JEFF AND MAX.
ALL RIGHT, ERNIE?
ALL RIGHT.
WHY ARE YOU SHAVING IN
THE MIDDLE OF THIS GUNFIGHT?
I FIGURE TONIGHT'S GONNA
BE MY WEDDING NIGHT.
I HAVE BEEN HACKING
MYSELF TO PIECES.
WOULD YOU GIVE ME A HAND, ERNIE?
SURE.
YOU BEST HAVE SOME
LEGITIMATE REASON
FOR INTERRUPTING
ME DURING A FIGHT, SIR.
BEST REASON IN THE WORLD.
THERE'S NO POINT TO
IT. SHOULD BE STOPPED.
IT'S NOT YOUR AFFAIR. YOU
BETTER GET OUT OF THIS
BEFORE YOU GET
SHOT ACCIDENTALLY.
YOU'RE UP AGAINST THE
WRONG MAN, YOU KNOW.
YOUR PARDON?
IT'S ERNIE HERE THAT
BELLE WANTS TO MARRY.
WRONG MAN? YOU'RE TRIFLING
WITH THE WRONG MAN, SIR.
TELL HIM, ERNIE. IT'S SO.
THAT'S REMARKABLY BAD
TASTE ON BELLE'S PART.
STILL, ERNIE HERE CAN
WAIT TIL I'M DONE WITH MAX.
YOU'RE WRONG. WAY I SEE IT,
IT'S YOU AND MAX SHOOTING
IT OUT MONTANA STYLE
AGAINST ERNIE AND ME.
YOU'RE BEGINNING
TO ANNOY ME, SIR.
WELL, THAT HELPS.
BEFORE YOU USE THIS
GUN, I'D LIKE TO REMIND YOU
ABOUT THAT RAZOR
SCRAPING YOUR THROAT.
YOU ARE SORELY TEMPTING
ME TO SHOOT YOU FLUSH,
AND NO NONSENSE ABOUT A DUEL.
WELL, I'LL TRY THE
SPORTING MAN IN YOU.
I'LL BE VERY HAPPY TO MAKE
A $1,000 SIDE BET WITH YOU.
IF IT'S MONTANA STYLE.
DONE AND DONE.
I'D ADMIRE KILLING
YOU AT A PROFIT.
JUST WHO IS IT I'LL BE KILLING?
MY NAME IS PALADIN.
ERNIE...
WHAT DO I OWE YOU FOR THE SHAVE?
ON THE HOUSE, JEFF.
YOU'RE A MEALY-MOUTHED LIAR!
ANY WORD OUT OF YOU
IS GONNA BE YOUR LAST.
I REPEAT, BELLE
WANTS TO MARRY ERNIE.
NOT YOU OR JEFF.
I'M BETTING NOW.
JEFF SUNDERLAND
DREW THE FIRST BLOOD,
BUT I'M GONNA DRAIN ALL OF HIS.
AND BELLE'LL BE MY WOMAN.
IF ERNIE WANTS TO
DO ANYTHING ABOUT IT,
HE'S WELCOME!
NOW GET GOING, THE BOTH OF YOU!
DOESN'T IT MAKE ANY DIFFERENCE
THAT BELLE WANTS ERNIE, NOT YOU?
WHO CARES WHAT ANY WOMAN WANTS?
TOLD YOU TO GET GOING. I
FIGHT ONE FIGHT AT A TIME.
NO MONTANA DUEL? NO.
THERE'S NO WAY I
CAN CONVINCE YOU?
LISTEN YOU... I'VE
KILLED PLENTY OF MEN
THAT CAUSED ME LESS
TROUBLE THAN YOU.
NOW GET GOING DOWN THAT STREET,
AND PRAY YOU DON'T GET A
BULLET IN THE BACK OF YOUR HEAD!
NOW MAX, YOU WERE SAYING?
WE'LL FINISH THIS
WITH GUNS, MISTER.
THAT'S VERY CLEVER OF YOU, MAX.
SUGGEST A MONTANA
DUEL, OF COURSE?
YOU TALK BETTER THAN I DO.
WE'LL SEE HOW YOU TALK
WITH A MOUTHFUL OF BLOOD.
MAX?
JEFF?
ERNIE AND I WILL
TAKE YOUR WAGON.
OH NO, YOU WON'T. I
DON'T BELIEVE YOU WILL.
VERY WELL, YOU GENTLEMEN
TAKE THAT BARRICADE.
NOW, YOU KNOW MONTANA RULES.
ONE RIFLE, TWO
BULLETS TO EACH MAN.
EVERYONE BREAKS FROM
COVER AT THE SIGNAL.
WHO GIVES THE SIGNAL?
THE ONE APPROPRIATE CHOICE.
NO PLEASE, MR. PALADIN.
METHINKS THE LADY
DOTH PROTEST TOO MUCH.
SHE AGREEABLE TO
YOU? SHE'S FINE, SIR.
MAX? SURE.
ERNIE? ALL RIGHT.
WE'LL MEET BACK
HERE IN TEN MINUTES.
THAT GIVES YOU TIME TO PLAN
WHATEVER STRATEGY YOU WANT.
LET'S GO GET A DRINK, MAX.
YOU SHOULD FIND
THIS VERY AMUSING.
I WONDER WHO IT'LL
BE THAT GETS KILLED.
IT'LL PROBABLY MAKE YOU
FEEL MUCH MORE LIKE A WOMAN,
HAVING FOUR MEN SHOOT IT
OUT OVER YOU IN THE STREET.
EXCUSE ME.
WHY DID YOU LET 'EM
HAVE MAX'S WAGON?
IT'S THE BEST COVER.
I WANT THEM TO HAVE IT.
SUN'LL BE IN THEIR EYES.
YOU HAVE A RIFLE?
YOU EVER FIRE THIS? NO.
I AIN'T GONNA EITHER.
THERE'S A LOT OF PEOPLE
OUT THERE AND GONNA BE MORE.
I MIGHT HIT ONE OF 'EM.
ABOUT THE ONLY THING
I'M NOT GOING TO HIT,
IS THE THING I'M AIMING AT.
THAT FELLA WHO THOUGHT UP
THAT SURVIVAL OF THE FITTEST.
DARWIN. YEAH, THAT'S HIM.
HE WOULDN'T THINK
SHUCKS OF ME, WOULD HE?
I'M JUST NOT VERY FIT. NOT HERE.
DON'T KNOW HOW TO KILL PEOPLE.
DON'T WANT TO NEITHER.
AND THAT'S NO LIKELY
WAY TO SURVIVE.
NOT AROUND HERE.
JUST DON'T SEEM
FAIR THAT SURVIVING
HAS TO MEAN KILLING
SOMEBODY ELSE.
I JUST AIN'T GONNA TRY IT.
ERNIE, YOUR
REASONING'S FAIR ENOUGH.
BUT WHEN A MAN COMES
AFTER YOU WITH A GUN,
REASON BECOMES MERELY WORDS.
SURVIVAL MEANS ACTION.
SOMEBODY'S GOTTA START
SETTLING THINGS WITHOUT GUNS.
SOMEBODY JUST HAS
TO BE THE FIRST ONE.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONLY ONE
HERE WITH A SURVIVAL PROBLEM.
SOMEDAY THIS COUNTRY
WON'T BE SO HARD.
PEOPLE LIKE YOU
WILL STILL BE HERE,
AND THE KILLERS WILL BE DEAD.
BUT FOR NOW...
PUT TWO BULLETS IN THAT.
I'LL BE RIGHT BACK.
YOUR HORSE? AND MY RIFLE.
MIND IF I BORROW IT?
I'LL PAY FOR THE BULLETS
AND THE DRINKS LATER.
I'VE SEEN JEFF AND
MAX USE THEIR RIFLES.
COULD YOU BUY ME THE
DRINK BEFORE THE FIGHT?
ALL RIGHT, LET'S DO IT THAT WAY.
I HAVEN'T TIME TO CHANGE MY WILL
TO INCLUDE A LIQUOR REQUEST.
WHAT DO YOU ALLOW
FOR THE SIGHTS?
'BOUT FOUR INCHES TO
THE RIGHT, EVERY 100 YARDS.
HEY CHARLIE! GET OUT OF THE WAY.
YOU WANT TO GET SHOT?
IT ALSO DROPS ABOUT TWO INCHES.
ALL RIGHT, I'LL BUY
YOU THAT DRINK NOW.
WELL, THERE'S NO REAL HURRY.
COME ON.
WHAT DO YOU DRINK, MISTER?
WHISKEY, AND MY
NAME IS HANK. WHISKEY.
YOU GENTLEMEN
PLANNED YOUR FIGHT?
YOU'LL FIND OUT SOON ENOUGH.
TO YOUR DISCOMFORT, I TRUST.
THAT'S A VERY APT TOAST.
TO THE DISCOMFORT
OF OUR ENEMIES.
I SUPPOSE YOU'RE DETERMINED TO
GO THROUGH WITH THIS SHOOTOUT.
NOW LISTEN TO HIM,
CRAWLING AROUND.
AFTER ALL YOU'VE DONE
TO START THIS FIGHT.
ARE YOU SERIOUSLY TRYING
TO CALL IT OFF? NOT AT ALL.
I KNEW THAT IN THE HEAT
OF YOUR OWN BATTLE,
REASON COULD NEVER PREVAIL.
BUT I THOUGHT NOW YOU'VE
HAD A CHANCE TO COOL OUT,
YOU MIGHT POSSIBLY
UNDERSTAND THE REASON
OF LETTING BELLE CHOOSE
THE MAN SHE WANTS TO MARRY.
SORRY, MY MISTAKE.
MAYBE YOUR LAST MISTAKE.
YOURS AND THAT BARBER'S.
OR ANY WITH A
RIFLE. [MAX LAUGHING]
IT'S GONNA BE SOMETHING TO SEE.
TELL THE TRUTH, SIR.
YOU'RE TRYING TO BACK OUT 'CAUSE YOU
REALIZE THAT ONCE THE SHOOTING STARTS,
YOU'LL BE OUT THERE
ALL BY YOURSELF.
YOU CHOOSE TO MISUNDERSTAND ME.
HANK?
MR. SUNDERLAND, I ASSURE YOU
YOU'LL GET WHAT
YOU'RE PAYING FOR.
AND MR. CLAY,
YOU'LL CERTAINLY GET
WHAT YOU'VE BEEN ASKING FOR.
ANY TIME YOU'RE READY.
HELP YOURSELF, HANK.
MISTER...
MISTER, WHAT WAS IT AGAIN?
I THINK I'D JUST AS SOON BE
PLAIN MISTER TO YOU, BELLE.
WHAT YOU SAID
BEFORE COULD BE TRUE.
A FIGHT OVER A WOMAN
USUALLY STARTS WITH A WOMAN.
YES, I DID ENCOURAGE
MAX AND JEFF A LITTLE, BUT...
SOME OF IT'S ERNIE'S FAULT.
HE'S GOT TO SHOW
SOME BIT OF SPUNK.
A WIFE WOULD BE ENTITLED TO
SOME PROTECTION, AND THE CHILDREN.
IT CAN BE HARD JUST TO
GROW TO BE OLD ENOUGH
TO PROTECT YOURSELF OUT HERE.
NOBODY THINKS ERNIE CAN DO IT.
HE AGREED TO FIGHT.
BECAUSE YOU CAME.
YOU'RE AWFULLY GOOD
WITH A GUN, I SAW THAT.
NOW IT'S ERNIE NEEDS PROTECTING.
MAYBE THIS IS ALL
ON MY HEAD AND...
I AIN'T ASKING YOU
TO LIKE ME FOR IT.
BUT DON'T LET HIM GET HURT.
WELL, IT'S LATE FOR THAT.
PLEASE, LISTEN TO ME.
I WANT YOU TO UNDERSTAND THIS.
I HAD A FATHER WHO
DIDN'T BELIEVE IN VIOLENCE.
HE'D NEVER FIGHT. HE
TURNED THE OTHER CHEEK.
WE RAN FROM TOWN TO TOWN.
SOON AS THE PEOPLE
SAW THE WAY HE WAS,
THE BULLIES WOULD BE ON US.
THEY ROUGHED HIM AND
THEY LAUGHED AT HIM.
AND THEY MADE
FREE WITH ALL OF US.
MAYBE MY PA WAS IN THE RIGHT.
BUT THAT DIDN'T
MAKE IT HURT LESS.
NO, MISTER. NOT FOR MY KIDS!
HERE.
USE THAT TO SIGNAL WITH.
BELLE, MAYBE THIS'LL
TURN OUT ALL RIGHT.
ERNIE!
WHICH ONE DO YOU WANT?
BOTH.
WELL, YOU WON'T NEED THOSE.
HANK!
ALL RIGHT, LET'S SEE 'EM.
HERE'S MY $1,000.
AND MINE, SIR. LET
HER HOLD THE STAKES.
I DON'T CARE TO EMPTY
A DEAD MAN'S POCKETS.
PLEASE CALL IT OFF.
IF I DID ANYTHING
OR SAID ANYTHING
TO MAKE YOU THINK
THAT... LET'S GO.
I'M NOT AT ALL A
DRINKING MAN BUT,
RIGHT NOW I WISH I WAS.
I UH... I DIDN'T LOAD THE GUN.
THE BULLETS ARE IN
THE SAND OUT THERE.
I KNOW.
WE'LL HAVE TO BREAK
OUT OF HERE AT THE SIGNAL.
GET BEHIND THAT WATER TROUGH,
KEEP YOUR HEAD
DOWN AND STAY THERE.
DROP IT, MAX.
DROP IT!
SHAME, MAX. SHAME!
CAN'T YOU COUNT?
YOU ALL RIGHT? NO.
GUNSHOT. GOOD.
WELL, STAKES ARE YOURS.
I'LL RIDE YOU AS
FAR AS THE DOCK.
THANK YOU.
OH, ERNIE! BELLE.
YOU DIDN'T EVEN
FIRE THAT OLD RIFLE.
MAKES NO DIFFERENCE IF
YOU DIDN'T HIT ANYTHING,
YOU COULD HAVE
AT LEAST FIRED IT.
OH, ERNIE! YOU
DIDN'T EVEN LOAD IT!
[ALL LAUGHING]
YOU THINK THAT'S FUNNY?
HOW MANY OF YOU WOULD HAVE
COME OUT FROM BEHIND A BARRICADE
WITHOUT ANY
AMMUNITION IN THAT RIFLE?
IF I WERE YOU, I'D CONCENTRATE
ON BEING A GOOD
ENOUGH WIFE FOR ERNIE.
UNLESS YOU DON'T RECOGNIZE
QUITE A MAN WHEN YOU SEE ONE.
OH, ERNIE. YOU'RE A BLIND FOOL.
SORRY, BELLE. IT'S
JUST THE WAY I AM.
I GUESS YOU'LL JUST HAVE
TO TAKE IT OR LEAVE IT.
OH, ERNIE. I LOVE YOU.
OH, BELLE.
MAY I OFFER MY BEST WISHES,
AND TROUBLE YOU
FOR MY $2,000, PLEASE?
OH, YES.
HOW'D YOU EVER COME
TO KNOW A MAN LIKE HIM?
UH, WELL...
OURS WAS A FINANCIAL
RELATIONSHIP.
HOW MUCH DID YOU
PAY HIM TO COME HERE?
$82.17.
OH, THAT'S JUST ABOUT
ALL YOU EVER SAVED UP.
AND IT'S MUCH TOO MUCH.
BESIDES, YOU WON $1,000.
I HAD THE SIZE OF MY FEE IN
MIND, WHEN I MADE THE BET.
SEE I'LL CALL THE $82...
$83, A WEDDING GIFT.
EXCEPT I'LL JUST TAKE
OUT $10 FOR MY EXPENSES.
THANKS.
IT'S JUST A MATTER OF
STANDING UP TO SOMEONE.
A DOCTOR'S THE
LAST MAN FOLKS PAY,
AND YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO LEARN
HOW TO COLLECT ON YOUR BILLS.
SO YOU SEE, THE NEXT...
♪ HAVE GUN, WILL TRAVEL
READS THE CARD OF A MAN ♪
♪ A KNIGHT WITHOUT
ARMOR IN A SAVAGE LAND ♪
♪ HIS FAST GUN FOR HIRE
HEEDS THE CALLING WIND ♪
♪ A SOLDIER OF FORTUNE
IS THE MAN CALLED... ♪
♪ PALADIN ♪
♪ PALADIN, PALADIN
WHERE DO YOU ROAM ♪