Have Gun - Will Travel (1957–1963): Season 2, Episode 10 - The Lady - full transcript

IF YOU INSIST ON DOING IT THIS
YOUR WAY, I CAN'T STOP YOU.

BUT WHEN YOU START
SHOOTING, REMEMBER ONE THING,

SAVE ONE BULLET FOR YOURSELF.

HEY BOY, THERE'S
NO PERFUME ON THIS.

SURE A LADY GAVE IT TO YOU?

SHE'S PLENTY LADY, YOU BET.

"DEAR SIR, EXCUSE ME,
I'M GIVEN TO UNDERSTAND

"THAT YOU'RE AVAILABLE FOR
HIRE AS A GUIDE AND INTERPRETER.

"IF SUCH IS THE CASE,
KINDLY PRESENT YOURSELF

"AT ROOM 419 THIS
MORNING, AT TEN O'CLOCK.

"HONORABLE DIANA COULTER."



NOW, WHERE DO YOU SUPPOSE
SHE GOT SUCH AN IDEA ABOUT ME?

SHE ASKED ME.

AND WHAT ELSE DID YOU TELL HER?

I TOLD HER YOU ARE
GOOD WITH A GUN PLAY.

ALSO, CLASS A-1 GENTLEMAN,
AND NEVER LOOK AT LADIES.

WHO EXACTLY IS THE PERSON THAT NEEDS
SUCH HORRIBLE ASSURANCES ABOUT ME?

SHE'S VERY ATTRACTIVE,
BUT VERY TOUCHY IN THE HEAD.

SHE COME FROM LITTLE ISLAND,
EVERYTHING AMERICAN VERY STRANGE.

WHAT ISLAND? I DON'T KNOW NAME,

BUT VERY BARBARIAN, I BET YOU.

YOU KNOW WHAT SHE
ORDER FOR BREAKFAST?

KIDNEY!

SHE NO LADY I THINK.

THE SMALL ISLAND OF BRITAIN.



OH, TEN O'CLOCK. I MAY
AS WELL PRESENT MYSELF.

THANK YOU VERY MUCH, HEY BOY.

AND NEXT TIME, ASK ME FIRST.

[KNOCK ON DOOR]

COME IN, PLEASE.

OH, ARE YOU THE GUIDE?

I'M THE MAN YOU SENT
THE NOTE TO. GOOD.

ARE YOU FAMILIAR
WITH THE INTERIOR?

INTERIOR OF WHAT? OF YOUR
OWN COUNTRY, NATURALLY.

DO YOU KNOW THE
TERRITORY OF ARIZONA?

DO YOU MEAN, HAVE I HEARD OF
IT, OR DO I KNOW HOW TO FIND IT.

I MEAN, CAN YOU GUIDE ME
TO A PLACE CALLED 'SHIP ROCK'.

I THINK SO.

I NEVER MET A GUIDE WHO ADMITTED
IGNORANCE OF ANYTHING YET.

THEN WHY ASK?

THE ORIENTAL BOY SAID YOU CLAIMED
SOME FAMILIARITY WITH FIREARMS.

TELL ME, EVER SEEN ONE OF THESE?

THAT'S A MARTINI HENRY.

I DIDN'T KNOW THEY
SOLD THEM TO CIVILIANS.

MY UNCLE COMMANDS A
REGIMENT, THE BANGOR LANCERS.

HE INSISTED I BRING IT ALONG TO
PROTECT MYSELF FROM THE SAVAGES.

PEOPLE HAVE SUCH FANTASTIC
IDEAS ABOUT YOUR COUNTRY.

MY BROTHER HAS A PLANTATION
IN THE VICINITY OF 'SHIP ROCK'.

IT'S WHAT YOU PEOPLE
WOULD CALL A RANCH.

I'M GOING THERE TO
LIVE WITH HIM. WHY?

I DON'T MEAN TO BE PERSONAL,

BUT THAT'S A PRETTY RUGGED
PART OF OUR COUNTRY.

HE'S THE ONLY IMMEDIATE
RELATIVE I HAVE LEFT.

IN ENGLAND, A SPINSTER OF MY
STATION HASN'T MUCH CHOICE.

HOWEVER, THAT'S NEITHER
HERE NOR THERE, I NEED A GUIDE.

TELL ME, DO YOU
HAVE A CHARACTER?

I BEG YOUR PARDON?

REFERENCES.

SOME PEOPLE SEEM TO
FIND THIS SATISFACTORY.

PALADIN.

THE LEGENDARY KNIGHT
OF CHARLEMAGNE.

ANYONE CAN PRINT CARDS.

OH? WELL, IF YOU SHOULD CHANGE
YOUR MIND, SEND ME ANOTHER LETTER.

ONE MOMENT, PLEASE?

WE LEAVE AT SIX O'CLOCK
TOMORROW MORNING.

YOU GET TWO DOLLARS PER DIEM, PLUS A
FIVE DOLLAR BONUS ON MY SAFE ARRIVAL.

I DON'T SUPPOSE YOU COULD
MAKE THAT A LITTLE BIT MORE?

SIR, I AM NOT
ACCUSTOMED TO HAGGLING.

UH, HOW MUCH MORE?

SAY, FIFTY DOLLARS A DAY?

DO YOU REALIZE THAT IN INDIA, FOR 2
RUPEES A DAY, I COULD GET 2 ELEPHANT'S

PLUS AN EXPERIENCED SHAKARI
TO TAKE ME TIGER HUNTING?

BUT AMERICA IS NO
LONGER A COLONY.

I DO NEED TO GET STARTED.

WOULD YOU TAKE
FIVE DOLLARS A DAY?

MADAME, I AM NOT
ACCUSTOMED TO HAGGLING.

MAKE IT FORTY.

WELL...

I DON'T SUPPOSE YOU'RE ANY
WORSE THAN THE NEXT FELLOW.

VERY WELL, YOU'LL DO.
THANK YOU, GOODBYE.

I'D LIKE TO BATHE. WE'LL
REST HERE FOR AN HOUR.

THAT WATER'S ICE COLD, IT'S JUST
MELTED SNOW FROM THE MOUNTAIN.

GOOD. AND IT'S LIKELY
TO BE CLEAN, ISN'T IT?

WHAT ARE YOU WAITING FOR?

WELL I HARDLY THINK THIS IS A
SAFE PLACE TO LEAVE YOU ALONE.

YOU MAY WAIT FOR ME ON
THE OTHER SIDE OF THAT HILL.

I TRUST WE UNDERSTAND EACH
OTHER? NO, I DON'T THINK WE DO.

WHAT DOES THAT MEAN?

THIS IS COMANCHE WAR
PAINT AND IT'S NOT QUITE DRY.

WHAT'S THAT GOT TO DO WITH US?
WE HAVEN'T DONE THEM ANY HARM.

NOW, PLEASE WAIT
FOR ME OVER THERE.

I'LL GIVE YOU FIVE MINUTES.

PALADIN? WHAT!

MAY I SAY, THAT I HAVE BEEN MOST FAVORABLY
IMPRESSED BY YOUR BEHAVIOR UNTIL NOW.

THANK YOU.

DON'T GIVE ME CAUSE TO
CHANGE MY OPINION OF YOU.

I'LL DO MY BEST TO CONTROL
THE BESTIAL SIDE OF MY NATURE.

MISS COULTER!

ONE MORE STEP AND I'LL FIRE.

MISS COULTER, THERE ARE COMANCHES OUT THERE
AND THEY MAY HEAD THIS WAY AT ANY MOMENT.

WILL YOU PLEASE TURN AROUND
UNTIL I'M FINISHED DRESSING.

HURRY IT UP!

WHY ARE YOU SO
ANXIOUS TO AVOID THEM?

DON'T YOU REALIZE THAT RUNNING AWAY
IS BOUND TO MAKE THE WORST IMPRESSION.

MISS COULTER, WHEN THE COMANCHES ARE
AT WAR THEY ARE EVERY BIT AS UNPLEASANT

AS THE TRIBESMEN ON
INDIA'S NORTHWEST FRONTIER.

OR HAVE YOU FORGOTTEN THE KHYBER PASS
UPRISING OF THE BLACK HOLE OF CALCUTTA?

NOW, AT YOUR BROTHER'S RANCH, I'M SURE
YOU'LL FIND A MUCH BETTER CLASS OF INDIAN.

MR. PALADIN, WILL
YOU PUT ME DOWN.

WELL, IN THAT CASE...

GOOD MORNING.

NICE PIECE OF LAND
YOU'RE ABANDONING.

DON'T WE KNOW IT.

BUT WE'D A SIGHT SOONER START
SOMEWHERE'S ELSE FROM SCRATCH,

THEN STAY HERE MINUS OUR SCALPS.

WHAT ABOUT YOUR NEIGHBORS?

TAKE A RIDE DOWN
THAT WAY ABOUT 4 MILES.

BEST NEIGHBOR A
MAN COULD HAVE...

'TILL LAST NIGHT.

YOU WOULDN'T THINK THE SMELL OF
FIRE CARRIED 4 MILES, WOULD YOU?

WOKE US RIGHT OUT OF BED.

BUT IT WASN'T THE FIRE WE WERE
SMELLING, IT WAS BURNING FLESH.

SHIP ROCK IS FURTHER ON.

COMANCHES?

[PALDIN:] WHAT DO YOU SUPPOSE
PUT THEM ON THE WAR PATH?

THEY SAY A COUPLE OF DRUNKEN
PROSPECTORS RUN OVER A SQUAW.

WHAT KIND OF REASON IS THAT
FOR GOING AROUND KILLING PEOPLE?

THAT'S ABOUT AS GOOD A REASON
AS YOU'LL FIND IN THIS COUNTRY.

WELL, GOOD LUCK, WE
BETTER BE MOVING ON.

WHERE YOU HEADIN'? THE LADIES
BROTHER HAS A RANCH AT SHIP ROCK.

I WOULDN'T TAKE A
STEP IN THAT DIRECTION.

NO SIR, NOT FOR ANY
MONEY IN THE WORLD.

UNLESS I HAD A REGIMENT OF
U.S. CAVALRY IN FRONT OF ME.

YOU THINK I COULD BEAR
NOT KNOWING IF HE'S SAFE?

ALL RIGHT... GOOD LUCK.

MISS COULTER, IF YOU INSIST ON
VOLUNTEERING FOR GUARD DUTY,

WOULD YOU MIND STAYING AWAKE, AND
POINTING THAT IN ANOTHER DIRECTION?

I'M VERY SORRY. HERE...

SHOULD I WALK IN MY SLEEP,
YOU CAN WAKE ME WITH THIS.

DON'T TRY AND BE FUNNY.

GOOD NIGHT.

GOOD NIGHT.

YOU'RE SURE THIS IS
THE RIGHT PLACE? YES.

PERHAPS THEY'RE
ALL INSIDE FOR DINNER.

THE CROP I SENT
TIMMY FOR HIS BIRTHDAY.

RICHARD? DIANA.

MUST'VE HAPPENED IN A MOMENT,
THEY DIDN'T EVEN HAVE A CHANCE TO HIDE.

WE'VE GOT TO GET OUT OF HERE.

THEY MAY BE BACK ANY
MOMENT WITH THE WHOLE TRIBE.

SOMETIMES ONLY THE CHIEF
CAN DISTRIBUTE THE SPOILS.

THEY MUST BE BURIED. THERE ISN'T
TIME, DIANA. NOT EVEN FOR THAT.

THEY WILL RECEIVE A PROPER
BURIAL. IF WE WAIT HERE TO BURY THEM,

THERE MIGHT BE SIX
GRAVES INSTEAD OF FOUR.

I WILL NOT LEAVE HERE UNTIL
THEY RECEIVE A PROPER BURIAL.

ALL RIGHT.

WE BROUGHT NOTHING INTO THIS WORLD,
AND IT IS CERTAIN WE CAN CARRY NOTHING OUT.

THE LORD GAVE, AND THE
LORD HATH TAKEN AWAY.

BLESSED BE THE NAME
OF THE LORD, AM...

HOW WILL YOU KEEP FROM CRYING
OUT? BY THINKING OF MY SCALP.

ALL RIGHT.

THANK YOU.

WELL...

THEY PROBABLY GOT TIRED OF WAITING
FOR US TO COME BACK FOR OUR HORSES.

BETTER GO UP AND TAKE A LOOK.

OH, PLEASE DON'T LEAVE ME ALONE.

I'LL KNOCK BEFORE I COME
THROUGH THAT TRAP DOOR.

IF ANYBODY OPENS THAT TRAP
DOOR WITHOUT KNOCKING...

YOU FIRE THIS RIFLE, AND NEITHER
ONE OF US GETS OUT OF HERE ALIVE.

IN A HALF HOUR THIS PLACE
WOULD BE SO FULL OF COMANCHES...

I KEEP THINKING ABOUT
SAMSON, ABOUT TO BRING

THE ROOF DOWN ON HIS
ENEMIES, CRYING OUT,

"LET MY SOUL PERISH
WITH THE PHILISTINES."

WHAT HAVE I GOT
LEFT TO LIVE FOR?

WELL, YOU'D KNOW
BETTER ABOUT THAT THAN I.

BUT SAMSON WAS BLIND, IN
CHAINS, SHORT OF HIS STRENGTH.

I DON'T THINK YOUR SITUATION
IS QUITE THAT DESPERATE.

NOR IS MINE, UNLESS
YOU FIRE THIS RIFLE.

I'M GOING...

ALL RIGHT...

HERE...

TAKE THIS.

WHEN YOU'RE OUT OF AMMUNITION,

USE IT ON YOURSELF WHEN
THEY COME CLOSING IN.

WHAT ABOUT YOU? I'M NOT
AT WAR WITH THE PHILISTINES.

MY JOB WAS TO BRING YOU
HERE, AND THE JOB IS DONE.

THE JOB IS DONE
WHEN I SAY IT'S DONE.

YOU WERE PAID UNTIL TOMORROW.

PALADIN, PLEASE STAY.

I'LL DO AS YOU SAY.

I DON'T THINK I WOULD'VE
GOTTEN VERY FAR ANYWAY.

WE BETTER HIDE DOWN THAT CELLAR
UNTIL THESE INDIANS SETTLE DOWN.

GIVE ME A HAND.

DIANA.

DIANA, IT'S GONNA BE ALL RIGHT.

IT'S GONNA BE ALL RIGHT.

YOU CAN TALK TO ME.

TELL ME, DECIDED
WHAT YOU'RE GONNA DO?

WHAT DO YOU MEAN?

ABOUT GOING BACK TO
ENGLAND, OR TO INDIA?

I DON'T KNOW.

I SUPPOSE I COULD FIND
SOMETHING TO DO HERE IN AMERICA.

I'M THIRSTY.

ALL RIGHT...

IT'S TIME TO MOVE ANYWAY.

MAYBE THERE'S SOME
WATER IN THE KITCHEN.

I'LL GO AND GET SOME WATER.
YOU STAY HERE, I'LL GET IT.

SEE THAT?

INDIANS HAVE TETHERED
OUR HORSES WITH THEIRS.

THOSE HORSES HAVEN'T
BEEN WATERED FOR TWO DAYS,

AND I KNOW THOSE BRAVES HAVEN'T
BOTHERED TO GIVE THEM ANY WATER.

YOU GET ME SOME OF
YOUR BROTHERS CLOTHING...

HYA-HA!

[HORSE WHINNIES]

NOW THERE'S A MAN WHO
DOESN'T KNOW WHEN HE'S THROUGH.

HE HASN'T A CHANCE OF
REACHING US, YOU KNOW.

THEN WHAT KEEPS HIM GOING?

HATRED.

HATRED IN A DYING
MAN MAY BE EXCUSABLE,

BUT AMONG THE LIVING, IT CAN
BECOME AN INTOLERABLE THING.

IT NEVER GIVES IT'S
VICTIM A MOMENTS PEACE.

LET'S GET OUT OF THIS PLACE.

GOOD MORNING. GOOD MORNING.

WHAT DO YOU WANT FOR
BREAKFAST, MR. PALADIN?

WE'D LIKE GRILLED
KIDNEYS AND STRONG TEA.

DID I HEAR RIGHT?
YOU HEAR RIGHT.

WHERE SHALL I SERVE THIS STUFF?

WELL NOW, WE DON'T WANT TO
OFFEND HIS SENSIBILITIES, DO WE?

IT'S AMAZING HOW MUCH
YOU'VE LEARNED. THANK YOU.

SEND IT TO MY SITTING
ROOM, HEY BOY.

♪ HAVE GUN, WILL TRAVEL
READS THE CARD OF A MAN ♪

♪ A KNIGHT WITHOUT
ARMOR IN A SAVAGE LAND ♪

♪ HIS FAST GUN FOR HIRE
HEEDS THE CALLING WIND ♪

♪ A SOLDIER OF FORTUNE IS
THE MAN CALLED PALADIN ♪

♪ PALADIN, PALADIN
WHERE DO YOU ROAM ♪