Have Gun - Will Travel (1957–1963): Season 1, Episode 11 - The Colonel and the Lady - full transcript

I came here to find out
what happened to her.

Now you make up your mind to it.

You'll tell me about that lady.

"Wanted: Man with
investigative ability,

"tact, perseverance and
proven physical courage

"for possible hazardous mission.

"Must be man of
taste and discernment,

"a West Point graduate
and a former Army officer.

"Communicate
Colonel H.P. Lathrop,

River Acres,
Sacramento, California."

( train whistle blowing)



Come in, sir.

Thank you.

Your name, sir?

My name is Paladin.

What's yours?

Tuolumne. Tuolumne O'Toole.

Tuolumne?

You think it's a funny name?

No. I think it's a
charming name.

It's Cherokee, isn't it?

On my mother's side.

My father was a railroad
worker from Ireland.

Oh?

If you'll step into
the drawing room,



I'll tell the colonel
you're here, sir.

Thank you.

( door closes)

Ah, Mr. Paladin.

Colonel Lathrop,
happy to see you.

Nice to see you.

I see you're
harboring my old friend

Petronius Arbiter here.

( chuckling): Yes.

Yes, the old scoundrel
painted quite a picture

of his time, didn't he?

Naturally, I've
forbidden my wife

to read a line of his.

Oh?

Sit down, won't you?

Thank you.

Yes, I've been many
years recuperating

since the war.

Books have been my refuge.

Your pursuits have
been far more interesting.

Colonel, you seem to
know a great deal about me.

Well, only by hearsay.

That's why I was forced to
use a blind advertisement

in order to reach you.

And now that I'm here,

what can I do for you?

Oh, Martha,

my dear, do you have a moment?

I'd like you to
meet Mr. Paladin.

Mrs. Lathrop.

How do you do, Mr. Paladin?

Mrs. Lathrop.

Would you excuse me, please?

Little Pablo is very
ill, and I must hurry.

Excuse me.

The eternal nurse.

My wife's always
ministering to the sick,

or the lame, or the lazy.

Colonel, what is
it you wish of me?

I noticed that you were
admiring that portrait, sir.

Oh, was I?

COLONEL: That's
Jonathan Lathrop.

He was an aide-de-camp of
General George Washington's.

Well, the military seems
to run in your family.

Yes.

All the mares of
my family have been

in the military, or lawmakers,

or leaders in other fields.

If pride of family be a sin,

then I plead guilty, sir.

I am proud of my ancestors.

Well, I'm certain you
have every reason

to be proud, Colonel.

Now, as to your
business with me?

Well, why don't we let that wait

until after you've
refreshed yourself.

Your bag's in your room.

There's a hot bath waiting.

And we dine at 8:00.

Tuolumne, will you show Mister

Paladin to his room?

Thank you.

Sugar, Mr. Paladin?

No, thank you.

As my wife
mentioned, Mr. Paladin,

I've spoken of you often,

but I'm not sure that
she'll approve my reasons

for asking you here.

Colonel, why am I here?

I want you to locate a
woman for me, Mr. Paladin.

Thank you.

Her name is Gloria Morgan.

Do you know anything about her?

I've heard the name.

Then you've also heard
of Lodestar, Nevada.

Yes.

It's just a sleepy

little cattle town now, my dear,

but during the silver boom,

it was a roaring mining camp.

Was it?

Gloria Morgan was reigning queen

of the Tenderloin District
there, till the boom burst,

and then she disappeared.

And your interest
in her, Colonel?

Well, she's a missing chapter
in a history that I'm writing

about the West.

My heavens, was she
that important, my dear?

( Colonel chuckles)

Women of that sort
were an essential part

of Western history.

Isn't that so, Mr. Paladin?

Well, I suppose every boom
town had its Gloria Morgan

as a sort of symbol
of its success.

No, as I understand it,

she was a great
deal more than that.

Gloria Morgan was
the high priestess

of a cult made drunk by
wine and sudden wealth.

She was beautiful
and mysterious,

exotic, exciting, sort of

a living flame.

She...

Must sound foolish to you.

I seem to have been
carried away with a vision

of some woman that
I've never even seen.

And that,

Mr. Paladin, is
why you are here.

Will you excuse us, my dear?

Certainly.

Colonel, these clippings
are very interesting.

A pity there's no picture.

Yes, isn't it?

I'll pay your fee upon
delivery of the information.

Until I know what's involved,

I can't name a fee.

Well, I know

that a gun battle was
fought for her favors.

I want to know more about that.

I want to know
if she's still alive.

If so, what she's called.

And especially, I want
to know where she is

now.

Colonel, why don't
you do this yourself?

I regret that I'm not
physically able to, sir.

My advertisement
mentioned a hazard.

You're the second man
that I've sent up there.

The first one never returned.

In that case, my
fee will be $2,000.

Well...

Tuolumne O'Toole.

This is indeed a pleasure.

I didn't come here
to give you pleasure.

No?

I came here to warn you.

Don't go to Lodestar.

Oh, why not?

The country is full of bandits

and wild Indians
and grizzly bears.

How about cougars?

Them, too, yes.

You're beautiful, Tuolumne,

and you're such a bad liar.

I didn't think I
could scare you.

Why did you try?

That man isn't what
he seems to be.

He likes to hurt people.

He's a... a monster
and a torturer.

The Colonel?

Well, you noticed

that he didn't mention
the name of Gloria Morgan

till his wife was there
to hear him, didn't you?

Yes, I noticed.

The colonel's been
using that name

to torture Mrs. Lathrop.

Now, why would the
colonel want to do that?

I think Gloria Morgan
was his sweetheart.

I think he wants
to bring her here.

The colonel says he
never laid eyes on her.

I'm sure he lies.

Well, that's hardly my business.

I'm being paid to
locate Gloria Morgan.

If you do,

if you come back here,

I'll kill you.

Now, you better believe me.

Well, I believe you'd try.

Oh!

Good night, Tuolumne.

Yes, sir.

A room, please?

Well, uh, that's something

we got plenty of
around here, mister.

You're staying with us
long, uh, Mr. Paladin?

Well, not too long, I hope.

I'm trying to locate
an old friend of mine.

Can I help you?

I know most
everybody hereabouts.

Well, it's possible.

This is a woman of some repute.

Gloria Morgan.

Gl...

You made a mistake, Carl.

You don't have an empty room.

Steve's right.

I forgot.

There's a bunch of mining men

coming down from San Francisco.

They got everything booked.

That's the way it is, mister.

I'm partial to
combinations of three.

I'll take Room 33.

Where is it?

It's at the top
of the stairs, sir.

Thanks.

Tell Clay.

Right.

( harmonica plays lively melody)

Bartender, I'd
like a bottle of...

I'm out of it.

Well, I haven't named it yet.

Whatever it is you
want, we ain't got it here.

Oh?

She must've been quite a lady.

What lady?

Did I say lady?

Yeah.

Well, that was a
slip of the tongue.

I'm not sure she was a lady,

judging by the things
I hear about her.

Well, mister,

nobody ain't ever
going to hear of you,

if you don't clear out.

Do you mind?

Not at all.

I wonder if you'd mind
sharing this with me.

Why, I've often wondered
what whiskey tastes like.

( sighs)

You ain't going to
get any information

out of me, mister.

But I can tell you this:

She was a first-class

can of tomatoes.

Was she, now.

Of course, good looks

and in... in mobility...

She couldn't hold
a candle to me.

You don't say.

Oh, I do.

Why, I could out-drink
her any day of the week.

And when it came to
trapping a loose dollar,

I could take...

I wonder whatever
happened to her.

Clay could tell you.

He's the fella that owns
this place, but he won't.

I bet Lulu knows.

Lulu?

Her best buddy.

They used to work here together.

Poor Lulu.

She got fat.

All she's good for now
is taking in laundry.

MAN: Mazie...

You better go home, Mazie.

Or tomorrow you could
be taking in washing.

I'm sorry, Mr. Sommers.

Get out.

Don't be too hard
on her, Mr. Sommers.

It was all my fault.

You get out, too. Gladly.

Out of town!

After we've had a talk.

Harry!

In your office, Mr. Sommers.

Harry!

Now can we have
that talk, Mr. Sommers?

Not now or ever.

How are you, ma'am?

How's yourself?

I'm fine.

My spare shirt shows the trail;

I was told Lulu would clean it.

Lulu will.

That'll be a dollar, in advance.

You know, I have a
great deal of admiration

for women of your profession.

Laundress?!

Yeah... I find women of your
profession all over the West.

Independent, honest.

You find a bucket, some water,
and soap, and you're in business.

Well, what's a girl to do
when she isn't a girl no more?

The figure goes but
the shoulders stay.

It's an honorable profession,
and certainly a necessary one.

I can think of some
others we could do without.

Don't credit me
too much, dearie.

I've done my time
in the saloons.

You?!

Well, I didn't always
look like this, you know.

( laughing): Wait
a minute, Lulu.

I think you look fine.

Did you work the
saloons here in Lodestar?

You bet.

Well, then, you
must've known, um...

what's-her-name... the one
they all talked about, um...

Gloria?

That's it... Gloria Morgan.

Say, she really gathered
in the honey around here.

Or so they tell it on the trail.

Oh, they do, huh? Mm-hmm.

A saint, mister...
Right out of the Book.

That's Gloria Morgan.

Well, now that I didn't hear.

Well, I'll bet.

Did the boys tell you about
that black winter we had

when everybody around
here was dying like flies and...

Now, why did you start
talking about Gloria Morgan?

I didn't. You did.

Did I?

Mm-hmm.

I don't do that
often these days.

Well, that looks fine.

I don't think the
creases will ever come...

Freeze, Paladin!

I should've known.

We'll get rid of him, Lulu.

It seems to me you people
are going to a lot of trouble

just to keep me from asking
a few innocent questions.

Come on.

Hey, mister!

Your shirt!

Next time somebody puts a bullet
through it, I hope you're wearing it.

Ride, Paladin.

Keep going. Don't come back.

I'd like my gun.

SOMMERS: We'll keep that.

I'll have to come back
for it, if for nothing else.

You do, and I
promise you'll be shot.

Head on, from the
side, in the back,

nobody's going to
make a fair fight out of it.

We see you, we shoot.

Now get.

( saloon piano
playing lively melody)

( men laughing in distance)

( piano playing continues)

( piano playing stops)

This is an excellent
gun, Mr. Sommers.

I just couldn't leave it behind.

Oh, that's a beautiful woman.

You must've been very
fond of Gloria Morgan.

How does she
rate all this loyalty?

Why will men here, and
women, too, kill for her?

I was told that Gloria
Morgan was filth.

That she was an abomination
who preyed on the weaknesses

of lonely men... You're a liar.

That she was a
liar, a cheat, a thief...

You're lying! You're a liar!

Am I?

Then what is the
truth, Mr. Sommers?

I don't want to hurt her.

I don't.

Do you want me to tell
people she was a saint?

Nonsense.

Have you ever known
a woman that was?

No, I haven't.

Part saint, part devil,

a great deal of turtledove
and a whole lot of cat.

That's Gloria.

I understand a gun battle
was fought for her favors.

Not for her favors, sir,

for her hand,

in marriage.

I beg your pardon.

I suppose...

the other fellow

had as much right to
court her as I did, but...

If you hadn't noticed,
I walk with a limp.

It was a good
fight and a fair fight,

and when it was over,
we were both near dead.

And Gloria Morgan?

She waited until we'd
both recovered our health...

then... told us she...

didn't love either
one of us and...

went away.

I believe Clay sent
word I was coming.

Yeah, he did.

And you know what
Clay wants you to do.

Clay and I have
disagreed before.

He faced your gun at some time.

Got a couple of souvenirs in
his carcass from it someplace.

You were the other man.

That's right.

Gloria Morgan.

She was one of the
finest women I... I ever met.

You found out about that woman?

I did.

Are you going to tell?

I am.

Tuolumne, I don't
think Gloria Morgan

will hurt your mistress.

You better not be lying.

How do you do, Mr. Paladin?

Colonel.

Come in. Thank you.

Mrs. Lathrop,
how's your patient?

Oh, Pablo's very
well, thank you.

Won't you sit down?

Thank you.

Did you find Gloria Morgan?

Colonel, I found out
a great deal about her.

And where is she now?

Well, sir, I think perhaps
it's more important

to know who she was,
rather than where she is now.

I know who she was.

I doubt it.

I talked to a great many people.

Actually, Colonel,

Gloria Morgan was a young
girl abandoned in a mining camp

by a man who brought her there

under false
pretenses of marriage.

She had no friends,
no one to turn to,

so she did the best she could.

She sang and
danced in the saloons.

And she shared in the money

men paid for the pleasure
of drinking in her company.

Is this distressing you,

my dear? No, no.

Go on, Mr. Paladin.

Some of the people
I talked to, Colonel,

think she was as saint.

A saint?!

Yes, sir.

There was a cholera
epidemic in Lodestar.

No doctors, no nurses.

Gloria Morgan nursed the sick.

Nursed them, bathed
them and fed them.

Well, sir?

I'm trying to crystallize

in my mind the impression

I've gotten of Gloria
Morgan in the last few days.

And that impression is?

That she was a remarkable woman,

whose friendship I would've
considered a high honor.

Shall I go on, Colonel?

Yes.

Go on, Mr. Paladin.

Well, Gloria Morgan
saved enough money

to go to San Francisco
and study nursing.

Naturally, she was worried

that her past would come
up, and spoil her new life.

So she borrowed a name.

She borrowed it from

the privately printed
family history of a friend.

And under that name, she met,

fell in love with,
and married a man.

And, for a while,

they were quite happy.

And then, Mr. Paladin?

And then, recently,

someone sent her
husband a poison pen letter,

exposing her past in
the worst possible light.

Out of hurt and arrogant pride,

he decided to punish her,

by getting a third
party to confront her

with proof of her
identity in his presence.

That's quite enough, sir.

The scheme was unworthy
of the man, Colonel.

If he'd gone to his wife in
any reasonable manner,

she would've told him
anything he wanted to know.

Oh, I'm sure she would've.

Mr. Paladin, my husband
paid you to make a report.

Why don't you make it?

Oh, that's right.

You want to know the
present whereabouts

of Gloria Morgan,
don't you, Colonel?

No, I don't.

Well, it's just as well...
The Gloria Morgan

of boom town days is dead.

She lives only in the memory
of those who loved her.

You believe that, Colonel?

Yes, I believe it.

Mr. Paladin?

I promise I'll never try to kill
you again, as long as I live.

And don't you ever try
to lie to me again, either.

Now, what did Mrs. Lathrop ever
do to deserve such loyalty from you?

Oh, I was born in Lodestar.

When I was 14, I
took a job in the saloon

where Gloria Morgan was working.

And?

She took me to her home
and spanked me so hard

I couldn't sit down for a week.

( both laughing)

And now I suppose
there's a young man.

Little Pablo's big brother.

But you're the only man
who's ever kissed me.

Oh, Tuolumne,
I'm terribly sorry.

That first kiss belonged
to little Pablo's big brother.

He won't mind.

As long as I save
the third one for him.

The third one?

( laughing)