Hart to Hart (1979–1984): Season 5, Episode 18 - The Shooting - full transcript

( music playing )

Max: This is my
boss Jonathan Hart,

a self-made millionaire.

He's quite a guy.

This is Mrs. H. She's gorgeous.

She's one lady who knows
how to take care of herself.

By the way, my name is Max.

I take care of both of them,

which ain't easy,
'cause when they met,

it was murder.

( music playing )

( barks )

Well, what do you think?

You're just jealous.

Maybe you're
right, I won't wear it.

Darling, do you know
how long it's been

since we've had a
vacation at the ranch?

- Has it been that long?
- Longer.

Well, we did get
held up in Hamburg.

After we got delayed in Denmark

and stuck in Sweden.

And nailed down in Nice.

And if you hadn't
have showed up,

I would've probably
routed in Rowan

and perished
pathetically in Provignon.

How do you like that?

- Very poetic.
- Oh, thanks.

Well, for the next few
weeks all we're gonna do

is rest and relax, and
I'm gonna go on a diet.

A diet?

Darling, German
pancakes, Danish pastries,

Swedish sausages and France.

And it all wound up right here.

Every delectable ounce.

How is it you always
know the right think to say?

Just good instincts
and I have an empathic

understanding for women.

And I also like
you a little plump.

- What?
- You know, kind of round

and kind of rich, and you know,

sort of that Rubens looks.

You what? You like me how?

I like that Rubens
look, that robust.

- Rubens?
- Yeah, like Rubens.

- Round and robust?
- Will you take it...

You sexist savage.

You better smile
when you say that,


Man: Pull over.

( siren wails )

- Hiya. How you doing?
- What's up?

Looks like we got some
orders to ride shotgun with you.

Everybody just stay
right where you are,

this is a solo act.

Nobody move.

Come on now. Hey!

( tires screeching )

( sirens wailing )

- Beautiful.
- Thank you, Mr. Lawrence.

Tanner, I'm Larry
Tanner from now on.

Oh, by the way, Mr. Tanner,

you'll find your new
passport and papers

in that manila
envelope back there.


But first we have to take
care of Jennifer Edwards.

Oh, wait a minute,
I almost forgot.

Her name is Jennifer
Hart now, right?

Did you locate her?

Yes, sir, she and her husband
got back from Europe yesterday.

They're going up to
their ranch tomorrow.

It's a very secluded location.

It's eight miles from
the nearest town.

That's perfect, rent
us a place nearby,

as close as possible.

One question, Mr. Tanner.

You're out now, you could
be out of the country by dark,

why look for trouble?

I did five years of hard time

because of Jennifer
Edwards, Jennifer Hart.

I owe the lady.

Yes, sir, but is
it worth the risk?

The risk is half the pleasure.

Jonathan: I feel
as if I'm leading

an invasion with this convoy.

How much gear did we bring?

Jennifer: Well, you know
Max, he always packs

for the duration,
including his computer.

There she is.

Welcome home, Jennifer.

Mr. Hart.

Hey, Max.

Well, Wayne, how's
everything going?

Well, I guess you
know about them,

your advertising
people, they set up down

by the old barn and corral.

You can't see 'em, but
you know they're here.

They haven't been messing
up my kitchen, have they?

No, Max, they
mostly eat out of cans

or they heat up frozen dinners.

That's uncivilized.

I'll get lunch ready,
Mr. and Mrs. H.

A half hour to a
veritable taste treat.

- That sounds good.
- Great. Wayne would you help me

get some of this
stuff in the house?

- ( woman screams )
- All right, Mrs. H.

I'll be right back. I'll
check on our guests.

Like I said, you sure
know they're here.

( gunshots )

- Hello, Mike.
- Oh, darling.

Well, you seem a little frantic.

Well, thanks, boss,
it's that damn limey.

What's this, prejudice?

No, just personal hatred.

Rupert Barrington,
our genius director,

imported at vast
expense from London.

Well, so far, he's
rejected eight models,

assaulted our casting director,

and he's assaulting model
number nine right now.

I mean, the man's an
egocentric psychopath.

It's the werewolf
of the west in there.

Woman: Listen,
buddy, don't touch me.

Who do you think you are?

Why did you hire him?

Because he's
brilliant, the monster.

Rupert: Too tall, I
wanted someone shorter.

Woman: This is ridiculous.

Rupert: That belt's
an absolute disaster.

Look, you're trying to
tell me how to do my job?

Woman: I'm not too
tall, you're too short.

Who's your agent, Nicole?

Get out of my way.

Excuse me.

You see that stupid cow?

I simply explained to
her she was totally wrong

for the project
and... extraordinary.

Oh, she's a perfect
piece of plastic,

I grant you that, but she's
got no presence, none.

You're Barrington.

My dear fellow, I am the
Rupert Allan Jermaine Barrington,

I've made radial tires heroic,

eyeglasses immortal,

and I intend to turn
Hart jeans into genius.

You know what I
can't understand is,

why this half-witted
tycoon Jonathan Hart

refuses to let me hire the
sort of model that I want?

Well, I see you've
found him, Jonathan.

Did I tell you he was a monster?




And I suppose you
expect an apology, do you?

Do you intend to give me one?

Not bloody likely. Why
can't I have a model

who looks like a
woman not like a doll?

Well, that's a good question.



I think I'll let Graham
explain that to you,

our casting director.

Graham Spence,
meet Jonathan Hart.

- How do you do?
- Mr. Hart.

Explain your rather dubious
choice of models, Spence.

We've done extensive
media research.

The public prefers the
concept of feminine beauty

which is Nicole Andrews.

Made out of polyvinyl chloride.

Damn it, I want a woman
who fits the landscape.

Mike, Spence, is
Mr. Barrington...

Do call me Rupert.

Is Rupert as good
as he thinks he is?


Well, then you can
choose whomever you want.

Shoot one sequence on
her, we'll all take a look at her,

if we think she's better, fine.

If not,

then you'll use Nicole
Andrews, fair enough?

Fair enough.

You know, you presented
me with rather a nasty problem.

Yeah, what's that?

I've always
loathed the very rich

and you're forcing
me to change my mind

and I detest changing my mind.

It was a pleasure to
meet you, Mr. Hart.


Oh, Max, that was delicious.

- Sure was.
- More wine, Mr. H?

- No, thanks Max.
- Mrs. H?

No, thank you.

Well, this Mr. Barrington
sounds very difficult.

Except I like him.

Ah, that's just
because you're easy.

Oh, yeah?

How about a ride after lunch,

up to the rim rock?

Yeah, that'd be good,
but can you pick me up?

I've got to get this model
situation straightened out.

Well, how long is
that gonna take?

It shouldn't take too
long now that Barrington's

got everything that he wants.

To you.

And you.

Easy, huh?


Rupert: No, no,
no. God almighty,

I asked for an aristocrat
not a bloody bar maid.

You know I don't have
to take that kind of crack,

Miss Saunders.

I think the only thing
you're going to take,

my darling, is your departure.

Rupert, we are trying.

And failing.

How about Joanie here?

Now wait a minute,
she's perfect.

There she is, still beautiful.

Rupert: Exquisite.

Elegance in a delectable flesh.

You girl, what's your name?


Yes, you.


Jennifer. Amazing, real.

What do you make of her, Hart?

Well, I can't
really answer that,

you see, I know
the lady personally.

Well, who is she? What is she?

It seems that this man
has fallen in love with you.



Frankly, I can't blame him.

- Thank you.
- You're welcome.

Well, damn it,
Hart, introduce me.

This is my wife Jennifer.

Darling, this is
Rupert Barrington.

How do you do?


Your wife?

That's absolutely perfect.

Now I expect you to
think I'm a complete idiot,

but I want you.

I think that Rupert wants
you to star in our commercial.

Ah, no, no, no.

Great bones, sits
on a horse beautifully,

exactly the right air
of aristocratic sexuality,

quite marvelous.

- No.
- Yes, ma'am.

Now you're going to play a
part of a lady in the old west,

a sort of Calamity Jane,

outlaw gun-slinger,
but with an authentic,

jeans-clad presence.

Wherever you
go, you're in style.

Mrs. Hart.

I can make you immortal.

Thank you, but no thank you.

She's absolutely perfect.

Obviously the lady
is not interested.

Joanie's ready
now, Mr. Barrington.

I'm a saint amongst men.

Wait a minute, wait
a minute, darling.

This whole thing is crazy.

- It's insane.
- I am not a model.

- You're not even attractive.
- That's right. What?

Except for that
aristocratic sexuality.

I can't do it,
darling. I'm wrong.

My nose, my cheeks
are too cheeky.

Great cheeks,
fantastic packaging.

You really think I could do it
without making an idiot of myself?

I think you'd be great

and you'd be doing
us a great favor.

All right, I'll do it.

You will?

Just for you because I love you.

Oh, well, let's spread the word.


Well, that's marvelous
news, Jennifer.

But I must say that
I am a little nervous.

There's nothing
to be frightened of.

Now we're going to start
shooting here tomorrow,

but first of all, I want to
get a shot of you over here,

in a nice old-fashioned
family setting

and then you invade a
cutthroat western poker game

and you outbid tin-horn
gamblers and gunmen

and the whole thing
culminates in a shoot-out, okay?

She's gonna be just fine.

Rupert really is the best.

I'm sorry, Mr. Hart.

Mike said you
wanted to talk to me?

Yes, I did.

Congratulations, Mrs. Hart.


Nicole, the reason I
wanted to talk to you

is because I'm sure that you
feel like you've been mistreated

and I'm very sorry.

It happens, I'll heal.

Well, if it'll help,
I've arranged for you

to do a major commercial
for our electronic division.

- You interested?
- Interested?

I can't tell you how much
I appreciate your help.

That's great.

Goodbye, Jennifer.

( tires screech )

Nicole: ( screams )

That truck came
from out of nowhere,

hit her and just disappeared.

Some drunken idiot.

And the sheriff's office
said there's no chance of us

ever identifying the truck.

Translation, file and forget.

The hospital just called,
she's gonna be okay.

- Great.
- Thank God.

They said she
has a fractured tibia

and a few scratches,
but that's it.

Mike, will you tell
'em that we'll take care

of all of the treatment?

I could've predicted that.

Yeah, I'll take care of it.

Very generous of you, Jonathan.

Nicole was working for
us, she's one of our people.

I see.

Well, I also work for you.

And I'm going to try
to do my damnedest

to produce something
really brilliant for you.

Jennifer, prepare
to welcome stardom.

- Just like that?
- Just like that.

All right, all right, thank you.

The hospital says
that the girl that you hit,

Nicole Andrews,
is going to recover.

She looked just
like Jennifer Hart.

Bad luck.

At least they can't trace you.

All right, I want a complete
rundown on the commercial crew.

I want to know who's for sale.

We're gonna set this up right.

And this time, we won't miss.

Thank you.

Look at that, she's beautiful.

Always has been, always will be.

Flattery will get
you everything.

- Are you insane?
- What?

Well, Jennifer is a key
element in a work of art,

do not touch.

- I'm sorry.
- Thank you.

Now if you'll kindly move
your plutocratic backside

from the field of vision,
we can get on with it.

Go on, out, out.

- See ya later.
- Shoo.

Okay, standby, villains.

Now, Jennifer,
when I say action,

I want you to run
to the this carriage.

- Carriage?
- Wagon.

Wagon. Yes, you run to the wagon

and off you go, hotly
pursued by these two villains

who will come out
from behind the trees.

But you outdistance
them and you knock

one of them off with your whip.

Just in time to reach your
goal, which is the tea party here.

And you pull up,
jump off the wagon

and thanks to
the miracle of film,

you'll appear perfectly
attired. Understood?

Good, right.

Okay, quiet, standby everybody.


Go on, villains, get going.

Go on, shoo.

- Okay, settling down.
- Standby.

Man: Quiet.

Rupert: And action.

( gunshots )

( shouting )


And cut it.

Good, Jennifer.

But not good enough,
we're gonna do another one.

Now look, I want more assurance.

You know, you're
windblown, casual, vital,

a real woman in
an artificial world.

We're gonna do
another one, okay?

- Another one?
- Another one.

Well, how many times
do we have to do this?

Until you get it right, darling.

Okay, here we go.

Standby, everybody.

Until I get it right?

Oh, darling, I am dead.

I'm going to get you a brandy,

give you a hot bath

and then one of my
first-class massages.

Oh, you're brilliant.

So are you.

Rupert actually smiled.

You know, I think he
likes torturing people.

We're not really giving a
party tonight, are we, darling?

- Yes, we are.
- Oh.

In about one hour and a half.

Do we have to?

You're the star.

Yes, and I want to
be alone with you.

Oh, well, maybe
we can arrange that

and be a little bit late, huh?

- Oh.
- Oh, sorry.

No, my back
doesn't feel too good.

There you go, Mrs. H.

Any for you, Mr. H?

Yeah, thanks, Max.

Frankly, I thought
you'd be too tired to eat.

Oh, no, I have a wonderful
remedy for that, food.

I expect you to be
dazzling tomorrow.

Moderation in
all things, please.


Spare ribs or chicken or both?

I think spare ribs, please.

All right, get yourself a plate.

What if they
recognize the truck?

In this country
everybody past the age

of puberty drives one, relax.

I'm a concerned
neighbor dropping in.

She may recognize you, though.

Jennifer Edwards has
seen me exactly twice,

in court without a
beard and years ago,

five hard time years ago.

Now she's Jennifer Hart

and I'm Larry Tanner,
we're different people.

Besides, the fun in
this is walking the edge

when I know it and she doesn't

and I can think to myself,

"Lady, you're gonna be dead."

Mr. and Mrs. Hart.

Hello, I'm a neighbor
or yours, Larry Tanner.

Oh, how are you?

The sheriff's office told me
what happened last night,

I just wanted you to know
that my foreman spotted

a truck running past my place
without any lights last night

up near rim rock, we gave
a description to the sheriff.

- Just hope it helps.
- Well, thanks very much.

Well, that's very neighborly
of you, Mr. Tanner.

Larry, please.

Actually I had an
ulterior motive, you see,

I was an admirer of yours.

Of mine?

Jennifer Edwards,
investigative journalist

who covered the Harms murder,

the Eider election
and broke open

the Multinational case.

Names from my sordid past.

The Multinationals case,
what was that all about?

There was a very
clever embezzler called...

Tom Lawrence.

That's right.

And he invented something
called Multinational Metals,

conned an awful lot of
people out of a lot of money.

Until you dug out the story.

Well, the people didn't
get their money back,

but he is still in prison.

Yes, yes, I remember
because I was involved

with Multinational Metals.

You were? I hope you
didn't lose too much money.

Well, I survived.

Anyway, I wanted to thank you.

I'm very flattered.

My pleasure, Jennifer.

Aren't you gonna
have something to eat?

I'm sorry, I can't,

I have a big day tomorrow
but thanks very much.

- Good night.
- Thank you again.

You never told me about that.

Oh, it was a long time
ago, ancient history.

Anyway, I'd almost
forgotten about it.

- Graham Spence?
- Yes.

- Larry Tanner.
- How do you do?

I think we have a mutual friend.

Oh, really, who's that?

Al Jarvis, Las Vegas.

Graham: I don't understand.
What do you want?


Al Jarvis tells me
you dropped $53,000

at his casino.

I had a bad run,
but I'll pay him.

I already have.

I bought your markers.

As I say, I just want
a little cooperation,

I want to know everything
there is to know about

this Hart commercial shoot.

How, when, where are
they using Jennifer Hart?

You know, all the details.

I can't do that, I'd get fired.

Ah, now, you miss

the small pleasures of life.

Spence, you can
cooperate with me

or pay me the $53,000.


Today, we're
shooting at a rim rock.

( laughing )

No, Hart, I don't want
you cluttering up my frame.

Out, go on.


Now, Jennifer. I want you to ride
in a wide loop all the way around,

bring the wagon back, stop,

dismount and then come over
and join the party over here,

but don't do anything
until I say action, okay?

I promise.

Man: All right,
standby, everyone.

- ( horse whinnies )
- Man: Runaway!

It's a runaway!

Somebody get the jig.

Get the jig.

Hurry up, get the jig.

( horses whinnying )

( horses whinnying )

Jonathan: Jennifer.

( horses whinnying )

Grab my hand.


I'm awfully glad you came along.

Jennifer, my darling, I think we
slightly overdid the thrills, didn't we?

Just slightly.

It was horrible.

She could've been killed.

Tragic accident.

She wasn't hurt, was she?

No. We just can't figure
out what scared that horse.

Maybe it was a
piece of bad luck.

At any rate, Spence,

I've decided what
I want you to do.

I gave you the whole
shooting schedule.

I need one thing
more, the camera.

That's impossible.

You said that Hart
had invited everybody

in the crew to a barbecue
late this afternoon.

So bring it to me then,

we'll have it back
in half an hour

and nobody will ever know.

I can't do that.

What for?

Okay. I'll be honest with you.

I represent a
rival fashion firm.

We want to delay
this commercial.

You want to wreck the camera?

In a way that can't be traced.

I could get fired.

Spence, you're
gonna save $53,000.

You bring me the camera,

you're all paid
up free and clear.

Plus, $10,000 more, cash.

You're sure that there's no way

that they can trace
this back to me?


Trust me.

( square dance music playing )

Come on, let's dance.

All just because
I saved your life?

What better excuse
for a celebration?

I don't suppose
you care to risk all

with a man called Rupert of
the two left feet, would you?

- Love to.
- Good. Come on, up we go.

Have a good time.

Spence, would you care to dance?

Not this time,
save me one, okay?

All right, thank you.

Here it is.

Why don't we
take a little stroll

in the sunset before I faint?

What will everybody think?

The worst.

Oh, good.

Let's go.

What are you doing?

You can have this
back in ten minutes.

I asked, what are you doing?

You see, I'm leaving
for Europe tomorrow

so this is my farewell gift

to Jennifer Hart.

That's explosive.

Very perceptive.

Oh, my God. It's a bomb.

Stay at least 50 yards

from the camera tomorrow.

The trigger is hooked
to the footage counter,

when it reads precisely 480,

or roughly five minutes of film,

it'll blow.

Are you crazy?

What if they find out I
stole the camera for you?


we all have to
make our sacrifices.

You don't tie me
into any murder.

Make it seem
accidental, Hayward.

He is beautiful.


I love him.

And I love you for
giving him to me.


He is a winner, isn't he?

He's gorgeous.

You know, I think we'd
better get back to the party.

I suppose so.

You don't have any idea
how it could've happened?

No, I don't.

Freak accident, I guess.

I don't know what he
was doing to that light,

but it sure busted his
neck when it fell on him.

Mr. Hart, the sheriff told me

I have to get a statement
from all the witnesses.

Well, that'd be my wife
you'd want to talk to.

I'm sorry.

She ought to be
back in about an hour

after they finish
shooting the commercial.

I figured it would be better
to get it done and over with.

( horse whinnies )

( horses galloping )

Rupert: Now, you've reached
your beloved just in time

and you react with
instant confidence. Now.

Okay, we're ready.
Everything else is packed.

All right, I'll meet
you at the airfield.

Leave my case by the door.

You sure you don't
want to come on now?

( laughs ) And miss this?

No way.

No, no.

I got plenty of time.

You go on.

Okay. Well, I'll be back around
3:00 if that's okay, Mr. Hart.

Yeah, Jennifer should
be done by then.

It's really kind of weird,
first that girl gets run down

and then this
Spence gets killed.

That first accident,

have you gotten very
far investigating it?

Haven't got anything to go on.

Oh, I was hoping
you'd get some...

Something out
of that description

that Larry Tanner gave you.

- Tanner?
- Our neighbor.

Oh, that fella. The
one staying down

at the Hobart place.

He doesn't live there?

No. No, he rented the place

from Ben Hobart
about a week ago.

He didn't tell us anything.

You're sure about that?

Yeah, I'm sure.

Okay, I'll be back after 3:00

if that's okay, Mr. Hart.


Careful, Mr. Hart.

Breaking and
entering, I'm shocked.

Yeah, it's downright criminal,

Mr. Lawrence.

It is Lawrence, isn't it?

I'm impressed.

When I found out
that you lied to me

about the police report,
I called the LAPD.

They ran your description
through the computer,

all sorts of bells
went off, lights,

all about your escape

from prison last week.

Yes, yes, clever I thought.


What the hell are
you doing here?

You should be over
the nearest border.

I have a date with your wife.

I've been planning
it for five years.

You blame Jennifer?

Jennifer put me in prison.

So when I got
out, I looked her up

because I'm taking a personal
interest in her new career

in front of the camera.

I understand she
might be a star,

perhaps a nova.

A what?

Oh, Jonathan.

A nova is a star

that gets too bright
for its own good

until finally, one
day it self-destructs.

It explodes.


planning some
kind of an explosion?

In the camera magazine,

when the footage counter
reaches precisely 480 feet...

She put me in a cage.

She took five years of my life

and I always pay
my debts, always.

( gunshots )

Rupert: Joyous,
victorious laughter.

( laughs )

Good, excellent.

Cut it. We're gonna
do one more, Jennifer.

One for Lloyds.

For who?

For Lloyds, for protection.

Here we go, standby.

Are you okay?

Rupert: And now you've
reached your beloved at last

and you react with
instant confidence.

That's it, you've done it. Now
this is your moment of triumph.

Joyous, victorious laughter.

Good, cut it!


Absolutely perfect, Jennifer.

Right, new setup over here,

close shot on
Jennifer over here.

Okay, Jennifer.

Now, here we go.
Give me that look.

That's it, it's a
marvelous feeling.

Enjoy it, share it.

That's good, good.

Get that look.

That's good, beautiful.

That wonderful
feeling inside you.

Excellent. Enjoy, share.

Good, good.

Good. Cut it.

We're gonna do one more.


A little bit shiny.


And action.

There we go, Jennifer.

That wonderful feeling

welling up inside
you. That's it.

( horn honking )

Jennifer, give me that look,

give me that look we had before.

I want it, I want it.

Jennifer, pay attention,
give me that look.

Get that magazine
off the camera.

Get it off.

Get back, get back.

Get back!


As I always said,
you're dynamite.

Rupert: The man must be mad.

He destroyed a
magnificent day of shooting.

Jennifer: But at least
we are all still alive.

That is something, isn't it?

Rupert: Yes, good point.

Anyway it's all over.

The law has Tanner

and we have some
brilliant footage.


And you could be
a top model forever.

No, thank you.

Well, at least we
ought to celebrate,

don't you think? Alone.

Are you implying that you prefer

your privacy to my presence?

No, not implying, stating.

Oh, you understand
that, don't you, Rupert?

Yes, I understand.

I think it's rude
and insufferable

and I'd love to take a
photograph of you both.

Oh, well. How's that?

- Rupert: Perfect.
- ( camera shutter clicks )

Good, let's go.

( music playing )