Hart to Hart (1979–1984): Season 4, Episode 8 - In the Hart of the Night - full transcript

Max: This is my
boss, Jonathan Hart,

a self-made millionaire.

He's quite a guy.

This is Mrs. H. She's gorgeous.

She's one lady who knows
how to take care of herself.

By the way, my name is Max.

I take care of both of
them, which ain't easy,

'cause when they
met, it was murder.

( theme music playing )

( barks )

Max, what is that smell?

What is that you're cooking?

No peeking, Mrs.
H. It's a surprise.

Oh. Well, may we
have some coffee?

That's all right.

"Delicacies of the Middle East"?

In honor of your
pal King Rashid.

He's on the front page today.

- Really?
- Oh.

Look at that, "Mayor Welcomes
King Rashid of Alojola."

That's a nice picture
of him, too, isn't it?

It'd be good to
see Rashid again.

Yeah, it will.

Wait a minute, what
is this we're eating?

What would you call it?

What does the book say it is?

Well, the nearest
I can figure out,

the English translation
is dried camel eggs.

I like my camel eggs
sunny side up, Max.

That's between
you and the camel.



Your Majesty honors
us with his presence.

Thank you, Hasim.

Laela, it is good to see you.

Your Majesty.


Jonathan, I'm so
pleased you could come.

Rashid, nice to see you again.

Welcome to Los Angeles.

Or has the mayor
already done that?

Oh, he did.

But your welcome was
sweeter and shorter.

Oh, forgive me.

Mr. and Mrs. Hart,
Hasim and Laela.

They are not only the consulate
here, but also my trusted friends.

Hasim: Shall we
go in, Your Majesty?

I am concerned for your safety.

Expecting trouble, Rashid?

Not really.

There are some
forces in my country

who would benefit if my
rule became unstable.

And others object to His
Majesty dealing with the West,

with companies such
as yours, Mr. Hart.

Rashid: Yes.

It is difficult to drag some
people into the 20th century

when they are
getting rich in the 18th.

There have been some threats,

but I do not take
them seriously.

Come with me.

I have something to show you.

Rashid: You have
done well, Hasim.

Jennifer: Oh, these
are beautiful things.

And irreplaceable.

Your Majesty, the
risk of bringing...

The risks are
worth taking, Hasim.


I have set this exhibit

so that the American public
can see there is more to us

than camels and
oil rigs, Jonathan.

Here is the most
beautiful piece of all.

The pride of my country,
the Lion of the Desert,

my badge of office.

Well, we've seen pictures of it,

but they certainly
haven't done it justice.

- Have they, darling?
- Mm-mm.

The signature of
Khaled the Unifier.

For a thousand years, my
people have believed that as long

as this statue is in the
possession of the House of Khaled,

so long will the
House of Khaled reign.

For which reason I've given
you a first rate security system,

which is useless, of
course, until it is activated.

Please, go ahead, Hasim.

Please, step back.

And now, observe.

Step forward, Mrs. Hart.

( alarm ringing )

As you can see,

a ring of pressure
sensors is under the floor.

Linked to the door to
trap any would-be thief.

But as you can see,
it is merely a test.

Put down your guns.

Rashid: Did you not hear me?

It is a false alarm.

I heard you, sire, but
this is no false alarm.

What do you want of me, Akbar?

What only your
death can provide.

I want many things.

A return to the old ways,
respect for authority.

You have betrayed our
people for the last time.

You are not bright
enough to speak of treason.

Then you will die at the
hands of a fool, Your Majesty.

( gunshot )

I regret to say
I killed him, sir.

You had to.

Otherwise, the fool
would have killed me.

Now we shall never
know who sent him.

Maybe the police can find out.

If word of this gets
out, my country's image

will be blackened, my mission.

Hasim: There's no need to
involve the local authorities.

This consulate enjoys

Whatever happens
here is our concern.

Good. Then we can
proceed as planned.

You will be back
tonight, of course.

A small party for a few
very important people

before the official opening
the day after tomorrow.

Oh, darling.

I think we've had enough
excitement for one day, Rashid.

I can assure you

there will be no more
extra added attractions.

Darling, do you
think it's strange

that Rashid never got married?

Well, he is running a country.

Maybe he never had time.

Yeah, maybe you're right.

- Darling?
- Mm-hmm.

If you weren't married to me,

who would you want
to be married to?

- If I weren't
married to you?
- Uh-huh.

If I weren't married to you,
I'd want to be married to you.

Aw, that's really sweet.


You look great.

Well, I haven't even
gotten dressed yet.

- Oh, no, no, no.
- Aw, come on.

- Oh, no, we don't have time.
- It'd be terrific.

( laughing )


Before the official opening,

I hope you will feast your eyes

on my country's
cultural treasures.

( crowd chatters )

You have to come
with me right now.

The dinner was magnificent
and I'm sure the exhibit

is going to be a big success.

Thank you, Jennifer.

If your appeal for loans
and technical assistance

is as successful
as your artwork,

I would say you are
home free, Rashid.

Would you both excuse me?
I just want to go freshen up.

Hasim: I told you not
to come back here!

Laela: My husband is right.

You should not have returned.

It could be
dangerous for all of us.

But especially for you,
Hasim, if Rashid sees a ghost.

Laela: In particular, the
ghost of his assassin.

Your return from
the dead is untimely,

Ali, to say the least.

- Hasim: We had an agreement.
- Ali: And I played my part.

Because of my death, you are
now Rashid's most trusted advisor

and in a perfect position
to bring him down.

Get to the point.

The point is the
price of my services

have now gone up.

It's out of the question!

Calm yourself, Hasim.

Everything is at stake now.

But in two short days,

Rashid will be a
powerless outcast

or dead, a bargain
at twice the cost.

Very well.

Ali: You are indeed
generous, Hasim.

Now if you will leave.

By the back stairs.

Hasim: I had not planned to pay
so much of our limited resources

for his faked death scene.

Relax, my husband.

That was an insignificant price

to pay someone who
created the disturbance

that permitted
you to switch lions.

Now, Hasim, you promised me.

Where is the real one, huh?

( gasps )

The Lion of the Desert.

The one they're
viewing now is a fake.

A king responsible
for the loss of the Lion

can no longer be king.

I have arranged for art experts

to be on hand at the
opening of the exhibit

the day after tomorrow.


Then as soon as
one of them notices

that there are no inscriptions

on the bottom of
the Lion in Shalah...

It will be branded a fake.

The people of the desert
will remember the legend

and believe Rashid is doomed.

And in the cities, he
will be called a traitor.

- ( door closes )
- Laela: We need only wait.

- ( music playing )
- Thank you very much.

Nice to see you again.

- Hi, darling.
- Jonathan...

Did you find the
powder room all right?

Oh, yes, and I think I
found a powder keg.


Hasim and Laela have
the real Lion of the Desert

hidden upstairs.

This one's a fake.

What are you talking about?

It doesn't have the
signature on the bottom.

It's all part of a plot
to overthrow Rashid.

And the assassin
from this morning,

the one Hasim killed,

I just saw him upstairs
very much alive.


We better warn Rashid.

Who understands the
past controls the future.

That's what we'd like to talk to
you about, Rashid, your future.

Would you excuse us, please?

Business is business.

- Is something wrong?
- Very wrong.


It's about the
Lion of the Desert,

Laela, and Hasim.

Jennifer saw Laela and Hasim...

- Hasim! - And I... And Laela!

There you are.

We both have enjoyed
so much meeting you,

especially you, Hasim.

You're a real hero.

Mrs. Hart, many of
His Majesty's subjects

would have done the same.

Oh, I doubt it.

Well, considering
that Laela and Hasim

have everything well in hand,

we'd love to spend some
time with you, Rashid.


- At our house.
- Now.


You mean, leave my own party?

Jennifer: Why not?

You've met everyone here.

Yes, and, after all,
you've taken care

of all your affairs of state

and you deserve to
relax with some friends.


Yes, I will do it.


Hasim should go
with you, Your Majesty.

Without any doubt,

after this morning's events.

But the events included
the death of the assassin.

Someone should be
here to represent me.


And who better than you?

Rashid: I have made
up my mind, Hasim.

You will say good
night to my guests.

- Good night.
- Good night.

Good night.

- Good night.
- Good night.

Rashid: Are you sure
it was the same man?

I'm positive.

Hasim and Laela
used the assassination

as a diversion to replace the
real Lion of the Desert with a fake.

They're sure an art expert will spot it
at the opening and you'll be blamed.

Blamed? I would be exiled.

Well, where is the real Lion?

In Hasim's study.

I saw him showing it to Laela.

It must be put back.

Well, that's going
to be a little difficult

considering that Hasim and
his staff control the consulate.

You're right.

But somehow the Lion must
be put back where it belongs.


I'm working on that.

I haven't figured
it out yet, but...

I'm working on it.

I'm worried about the Harts.

What about that sudden
invitation to the king?

They're old friends. It
means nothing, I'm sure.


J.H., Jennifer Hart.

She... she must've just
have been outside this door.

- Suppose she heard!
- Control yourself.

If they know, if
they understand,

they will make things
right for the king.

Well, they will surely try.

Anyone for coffee?


I just want to make
the king feel at home.

The fez is Turkish.

The samovar is Russian.

But it's the
thought that counts.

- Thank you, Max.
- You're welcome.

If you don't mind my saying so,

I feel very sorry about
the bad luck you've had.

We'll do everything
we can to help you.

It would be simple if it
were not for the guards

and the security system.

Pardon me, Mr. H., but
can I talk to you for a minute?

Sure. Excuse me.

I couldn't help but
overhear the conversation.


It's second story
work you want, right?


What about Light
Fingers Fletcher?

His dance card's filled
for the next 20 years.

San Quentin.

How about Fast Eddy Levine?

I don't think
he's right for this.

What about Andy Brodbeck?

Well, he's a little over
the hill, isn't he, Max?

- What you talking about? He's my age!
- Shh!

Listen, you want a kid or you want a
guy who gave lessons to Willy Sutton?

- Can you reach him?
- Can I?

Me and his bail
bondsman are like that.

Now, are you sure it's a big
diamond and a small dog?

All right, yeah. All
right, thanks, Tiny.

Listen, I'll see you on the
shuffleboard court, all right?

( laughing ) Right.

Now, then...

you have my undivided attention.

No more phone calls, all right?

Uh, Ernie, do you
think you can handle it?

Handle it? Are you kidding?

Of course I can handle it.

You only get one chance, Ernie.

Trust me.

Listen, I got a take
some of these pills.

Could I... could I
get a glass of water?

I'll get it for you.

No, just steer me to
the kitchen, all right?

Right through the
door, but be careful.

- I just waxed the floor.
- Trust me.

What do you think, Max?

Don't worry, it'll be all right.

He's just a very
sensitive fellow.

Jonathan, the man doesn't
really inspire confidence.

Why not?

Max, what we need is James Bond.

What we seem to be
getting is Inspector Clouseau.

- ( shattering )
- Ernie!

( Ernie groaning )

Ernie, what happened?

I... I don't know.
I think I slipped.

But don't... don't worry, folks.

- It's only my leg.
- Take it easy.

I told you I waxed the floor.

I think you waxed
it too good, Maxie.

But I know what you're thinking.

I'm okay. You know?

- In a week,
I'm like new.
- Oh!

The opening is tomorrow.

The job must be done tonight.

- Max...
- Tonight?

Tonight could be a problem.

You better have him lie down.

Let me get you to a doctor.

Yeah, well, what about the job?

- Forget it.
- Yeah, I... I'm fine.

I'll be okay.

- You got him, Max?
- Yeah, I got him.

Yeah. Oh. Oh.

We must find someone.

Someone who can be trusted.

And somebody who knows
the layout of the consulate.

You two were there today.


I think you found somebody.

What do you think the chances
are of us making the switch?

Well, it has to be
done and I would say

that we are left
holding the bag.

- I wish there
was another way.
- Think positive.

Do you remember the night that we lost
our keys and I had to break into the house?

Oh, yes, I remember it well.

First we tripped the
alarm, then the police came,

then we couldn't
prove who we were

and we almost wound up in jail.

Rashid, we're going
to need your help.

My king.

Please, tell Hasim I am here.

At once, Highness.

Your Majesty, what an
unexpected pleasure.

I know it is late,

but the reception is tomorrow

and I would like to go
over the arrangements.

I am at your service,
Your Majesty, as always.

Thank you, Hasim.

I knew I could rely on you.

You see, there are civilized
ways of breaking and entering.

You remember the
way, Your Highness.

Laela: Would you care for
some refreshment, Majesty?

Jonathan: So far, so good.

That's the door over there.

We'll just slip in
and get the Lion.

What now?

Credit card?

It always works for us at Saks.

- ( lock clicks )
- Brilliant.

I know where it is,
so you stay here and...

And keep a lookout.

Is the Lion there?


( roaring )

Ernie have anything
in the bag for animals?

I don't know.

Those look like
they're for Freeway.

I just hope we get home
in time to feed them to him.

( door closes )

( man speaking
foreign language )

( woman speaking
foreign language )

( speaking foreign language )

Wait, he might
come back for that.

I think he's got other
things on his mind.

Perrier Jouet.


Perfect for a celebration.

If we had something
to celebrate.

- ( bottle pops )
- We might...

if the king of the beasts
likes very fine wine.

He likes it.

Let's just hope
that he's real thirsty.

( burps )

I don't hear anything.

Just one minute.

I've covered all our tracks.



( snoring )



Boy, will he hate
himself in the morning.

Allow me.

Think we should
leave him two aspirin?

I don't think two
would cover it.

( snoring continues )

Jonathan: Darling.

Help me keep
this off the sensors.

Watch out for that.

Thank you.

You know what I'm
going to do if this works?

Dinner at La Scala.

Promises, promises.

Jonathan: Don't let it hit.

Do you think this is
going to hold both of us?

We'll soon find out.

Here goes.

Careful, darling.

( Jennifer gasps )

Fancy footwork.


Okay, darling, your turn.


( gasps )


Here are the mirrors.

I hope I can hold this steady.

You can. Just take it real easy.

We didn't set it off.

- Are you all right?
- Uh-huh.


We did it!

Rashid: What you two did
tonight for me and my country

should be written
in the history books.

Well, I'm just glad it wasn't
written on the police blotter.

You really deserve a reward.

Please, it is of no use to me.

It is a fake, but it must've cost
Hasim at least a month's pay.

Please, I want you to have it.

Well, I guess it's all right.

Well, Hasim can't
ask where it is.

He doesn't even know it exists.

Thank you once
again, my friends.

- Good night, Rashid.
- Good night.

- Rashid, take care.
- Good night.

I'll see you to your car, King.

Good night.

- Nice, huh?
- Mm.

Where are we gonna put it?

Heavy, isn't it?

It certainly is.

Beautiful, isn't it?

It certainly is.

It's hard to believe it's fake.

It certainly is
because it's not.



There's the signature.

How could that be?

Because we never
bothered to look.

You mean, we went to
all that trouble to replace

the real Lion of the
Desert with a fake?

You're sure everything
is in readiness?


Thanks to the Harts, the
Lion in the exhibit is a fake.

Naturally, this
will be discovered

by one of my experts
at the opening.

And poof... Good-bye,
King Rashid.

Rashid: Then Hasim set it up?

Oh, sure.

He figured we were
gonna make the switch,

so he made one first.

What if we produced
the real Lion?

Whatever we do with it is wrong.

If it is missing, I lost it.

If I turn up
with it, I stole it.

If Jonathan turns it in,

I sold my country's
symbol to a greedy Yankee

rubber baron, no offense.

We could always try to
switch it one more time.

Oh, it's too late, darling.

The reception's already started

and there'll be
art experts there.

It's a cinch that
somebody would spot it.

Pardon me, Mr. H., but you
people are going to be late.

Hold it, Max.

Hold it.

You are going to go
to the reception with us.

There isn't time. I'm
not even dressed.

We'll wait for you
to get dressed.

Max: Anyhow, all that fine
art is gonna be wasted on me.

Yes, but it won't be wasted
on Professor Maxalowski

from the University of Krakow.


( music playing )

It seems they've
started without us.

It's gonna be
tough to sell, Mr. H.

Give it a shot, Max.

Be a good professor.

Mingle and watch for the signal.


Looks like Hasim's
a little overconfident.

Jennifer: Like a cat
in a room full of mice.

Say, "Cheese," darling.


Rashid: Shall we go in?

It's your party.

Ah, Your Majesty.

We were beginning to
think you were not coming.

It's entirely our fault.

- We had a flat tire.
- We ran out of gas.

If it isn't one
thing, it's another.

It's real pretty, ain't it?

It's kind of like King
Tut, only different.


Oh. Oh, yes.

Are you anybody?

Permit me to introduce myself.

I am Professor Maxalowski,
University Krakow.

A professor, huh?

I like brains in a man.

It's my second favorite thing.

You know anything
about this thing?

Of course.

This is very ancient,
precious relic,

Lion of Desert.

It is precisely 1,017 years old.

How can you be so exact?

I am expert.

1,017 years old?

Not me, the Lion.

See, honey, this morning I
checked with encyclopedia.

It says, "Lion of Desert
is a thousand years old."

But you said, "1,017."

The encyclopedia
is 17 years old.

( speaking foreign language )

Is this some kind of joke?

Who is that man?

Uh, that's, uh,
Professor Maxalowski.

- The Maxalowski?
- Yes, darling.

- From Krakow University?
- Yes.

Didn't he write the book on
ancient Middle Eastern statuary?

Yes, he did.

Oh, he's brilliant.

Ah, really?

The box.

Hasim, that man is
not one of my experts.

The gentleman from the British
museum will be here at any minute.

Let him...

Are you saying this
is a fake, Professor?

Could be as fake
as three ruble bill.

Could be?

I need the genuine sunlight.

Impossible to authenticate
under fluorescent light.

Do you understand me?

- It mustn't be moved.
- Nonsense.

If there is a dispute,
it must be resolved.

Mustn't scratch relic.

Perhaps we could
use this, Jonathan.

Why don't you watch it,
you clumsy schmendrick?

Jonathan: Sorry, Professor.

That's all right.
I'm okey-dokie.

A thousand pardons, Professor.

At least.


- This is indubitably...
- Now, just a minute.

Surely Your Majesty
does not want

this announcement made here.

What would you suggest?

Let the professor
make his announcement

in the display room,

in the presence of all
our distinguished guests.

Beautiful. I do that.

As you wish, Laela.

When this is over,
someone will be required

to do the honorable thing.

I'm sorry to say
that King Rashid

probably acting in concert
with a Yankee imperialist

has stolen our country's
most sacred symbol

and replaced it with a fake.

Now what remains
is for the professor

to certify the fraud.


After carefully
observing in sunlight,

I can positively authenticate

that this is hundred percent
genuine Lion of Desert.

But... but...
Notice inscription.

Not genuine without
this signature.

But you said...

What's the matter?
You never made a little...

No one makes a move!

Except Mrs. Hart.

Take the Lion, Mrs. Hart.


And come here.

Professor, over there.

And, you, over
there! Or I'll kill her!

If I cannot be king now,

I shall at least live like one.

Just in case someone
would try to follow us.

Hold it, Hasim!

Seize him, Pischa!

( gunshot )

Hey, you all right?

Uh-huh, not a scratch
on me or the Lion.


Ah, Your Majesty.

- Your Majesty?
- Mm-hmm.

Rashid said whoever holds
the Lion is king of the country.


Well, I renounce my
crown for the woman I love.


Jennifer: It's just not...

- It's not us.
- Right.

We can't give it away.
Rashid would be offended.

Maybe we could use
it as a paperweight.

Hmm, if we had
giant-sized papers.

A doorstop?

Somebody would trip on it, Max.

You're right, Mr. H.,
and it'd probably be me.

Where will it go?

That's a good
question, but right now

I've got something
else on my mind.

- Another caper?
- Mm.

Another caper? You
want me to call Ernie?

No, Max.

I think Jonathan can
handle this one on his own.

( theme music playing )