Hart to Hart (1979–1984): Season 4, Episode 5 - Harts at High Noon - full transcript
Max: This is my
boss, Jonathan Hart,
a self-made millionaire.
He's quite a guy.
This is Mrs. H. She's gorgeous.
She's one lady who knows
how to take care of herself.
By the way, my name is Max.
I take care of both of
'em, which ain't easy,
'cause when they
met, it was murder.
( barks )
So this is Gold Town in 1890
just before Baby's
Bonanza went dry.
It was my
grandfather's gold mine.
It was my idea
to turn the place into a
ghost town for tourists.
And I keep it going,
as you can see,
but just barely.
I don't aim to make
it my life's work.
What do you think, Arnold?
What do I think, Mr. Hart?
Oh, boy. I think it's
an exciting opportunity.
Mr. Bailey may be just keeping
it going, but think, Mr. Hart.
We could make Gold Town
into a first-class theme park.
What would you think about that?
Well, I want to
preserve the town.
I don't want to see it
turned into a row of condos.
Well, then you've come to
the right place, Mr. Bailey.
We wouldn't think of ruining
the authenticity of Gold Town.
Why, it's part of our heritage.
Imagine, Mr. Hart, Billy
the Kid, the Daltons,
Pat Garrett, Butch Cassidy
and the Sundance Kid.
Why, they've got a stagecoach,
Mr. Hart, and a saloon.
- I'll bet you
serve Red Eye.
- Yeah.
Arnold, uh... Can't
you see it, Mr. Hart?
The Old West,
cookouts, gun fights.
Get off your horse,
partner. Fight like a man.
Raise your hands, little feller.
Arnold, am I
interrupting something?
Darling.
Oh, you look so pretty.
This is Jim Bailey.
- Hello.
- Hello.
Jim owns Gold Town.
Oh, that Western ghost town.
Well, it's a real live
town, too, ma'am.
That's why I'm talking
to your husband.
He seems like the only
investor with a sense of history.
Potential investor,
but I would like to take
a look at it sometime.
Well, when would
you like to come out?
How about tomorrow,
darling? Would you like that?
Great.
Oh, gee, that's
wonderful, Mr. Hart.
Nice meeting you, Mr. Bailey.
Nice meeting you.
Mrs. Hart.
Gotta rustle up them figures.
Get along, little profits.
Jim, see you tomorrow?
Great.
- Nice meeting you.
- And you.
See you tomorrow.
Well, well, you've got
that look in your eye.
What look is that?
Oh, every little boy's dream
of playing cowboys and Indians.
I was thinking more of
cowboys and schoolmarms.
How do you play that?
Well, first, you have
to stay late after school.
Oh. And then?
I don't know. I never
stayed late after school.
Oh.
I guess we'll have to improvise.
Ooh.
How much longer do you
think we'll be hauling this stuff?
We cleared nearly
10,000 last month,
and there's plenty left.
You know what we ought to do?
We ought to pull a
semi up to that mine
and clean the whole
place out in one shot.
How many times
I have to tell you?
A little bit at a time.
This way, we can say
we found it prospecting.
And another thing.
We gotta get outta here
at different times of day.
Otherwise, someone's
gonna miss us and...
Somebody did, boys.
Whoa.
You see, Gold Town's
a mighty small place,
and I've been wondering where
you two were headed every morning.
What you got in
those saddlebags?
Just gravel, Turk, that's all.
Bringing it up to Braxton's.
Making a rock garden
back of his place.
You boys come all the way
up here for gravel, do you?
Braxton, why don't you
just jump down there
and fetch me some of that
gravel you're talking about?
Make it snappy, Braxton. You're
not getting paid by the hour here.
You can back up.
Gravel, huh?
That looks like gold to me.
I guess I caught myself
a couple of claim jumpers here.
( scoffs ) What are
you talking about, Turk?
Nobody's worked that
mine since the 1890s.
Except you fellas.
You've been
working the tailings.
It's gravel for a rock garden.
( gun cocks ) Shut up.
This is the slag that Jim
Bailey's granddaddy threw away
when gold was $20 an ounce.
In those days, you had to
pound it out with a hammer.
But now that it's
worth $400 an ounce,
and with modern equipment...
If you turn us in...
Why should I turn
in my partners?
What are you gonna do, Turk?
Well, darling, Gold Town
is just a stage ride away.
Howdy.
Ben Drootin,
Teaneck, New Jersey.
Oh, Jonathan Hart.
This is my wife Jennifer.
Nice to meet new
friends. Hang on.
I send them to the folks
back in Jersey. ( chuckles )
Isn't this great?
I just love this stuff.
I was at the Grand
Canyon last week.
I don't know what
the big deal is.
It's a hole in the ground.
They don't have
anything like this stuff.
Did you two check
out the brochure?
Man: All aboard. All
aboard for Gold Town.
- Where we put the bag?
- Up top.
You'll take care
of the car, will you?
Yes, sir.
There we go. Yes.
Hang on, folks.
Gets a little bumpy.
This is great. I
love this stuff.
Hyah!
Do you believe people
actually used to live like this?
No running water,
no electricity.
What'd they do for
excitement with no TV?
( gunshots and shouts )
Whoa.
Must be the James boys.
Or the Younger brothers,
or Quantrill's Raiders
or the Oakland Raiders.
- They moved
to Los Angeles.
- Oh.
No false moves,
and nobody gets hurt.
Throw that strong
box down, driver.
Much obliged.
( whooping)
( laughs )
That was great.
I love this stuff.
Hyah!
Hyah!
Jennifer, Jonathan.
Oh, hi, Jim.
How'd you like the ride?
- Whew.
- Wonderful.
You do very nice holdups.
Well, we work on it, but
it's not much use though.
We only get about 20 people
a day though here. Come on.
Most of them arrive with
a clean shirt and a $10 bill
and leave without
changing either one of them.
Well, would you like the tour?
Oh, yes.
How are you, Arthur?
Oh, I can't complain, Jim.
He must be feeling great.
He usually does complain.
He runs the souvenir shop.
And I guess after eight
hours a day of that,
he's got a right to complain.
Well, as you can see,
Turk here makes souvenir
horseshoes for the tourists
and sorta takes
care of the stable.
- How are you, Turk?
- Good, Jim. Howdy, folks.
Hi.
Well, this is the sheriff's
office and the town jail.
They held Jesse James
in there once for two days.
- They did?
- Yeah.
And what's interesting is that
Belle Starr escaped before breakfast.
- Huh.
- Really?
We have nice food
in the restaurant here,
and I guess that's about it.
But I got you the
best room in the hotel,
so if there's anything
else I can do for you,
why, you just let me know.
Looks like Jim's got himself
another prospective buyer.
Oh, they're just tourists.
We just stuck them
up on the coach.
His name is Jonathan
Hart. I recognize him.
And old Jim Bailey
doesn't give the VIP tour
to just tourists.
If Jim's gonna sell this town,
the three of us are gonna
lose our little arrangement.
That's right, so you
keep your eye on him.
I wanna make sure
that Jim doesn't sell
this town right now.
It'd be hard to sell anything
to a dead man, wouldn't it?
( can-can music playing )
( whistles and applause )
Well, how about this?
Isn't it great?
How about a sarsaparilla?
How about a double?
Well, good evening. Come on in.
- Hi, Jim.
- Hi. Have a seat.
Oh, thanks.
We were just going to have
a couple of sarsaparillas.
A couple sarsaparillas. Earl,
three sarsaparillas, please.
Make mine a double.
You've been
getting lucky all night.
Get up slow and let me see
what you got up your sleeve.
Hold it right there, mister.
Well, you see?
We even have
authentic poker games.
Well, I'll see you tomorrow.
All right, boys.
Come on. Let's get
up and get outta here.
Hurry up. I'm gonna
lock you up in hoosegow.
Get out of here.
Come on, let's go.
( applause )
Didn't fool me for a second.
Oh, I was just going
along with the gag.
Cherries in your sarsaparillas?
- Yes.
- Yeah.
Jennifer: I love the Old West.
Jonathan: So do I.
( sighs )
They used to make
their own bread,
can their own vegetables,
weave their own cloth.
How did they do it?
They didn't even have a vacuum
cleaner or a sewing machine.
Can you imagine?
How did they ever
have time for recreation?
There's always
time for recreation.
I suppose you're right.
People have been
doing it for centuries.
Hmm.
( howling )
Man: There's nothing as
much fun as the real thing.
Whoa. Whoa.
Sheriff, the Mills brothers
just got off the noon train
and they're gunning for you.
We're fixing to
have trouble, folks.
- Trouble?
- Yep, trouble.
We put them varmints
behind bars in the first place,
and they swore they
was gonna get me for it.
Gun fight. We're
gonna have a gun fight.
Now, this ain't real.
Is it?
Draw, you mangy bushwhacker.
Draw while you
got breath to draw.
I've drawn on you
for the last time, Miller.
Get south of the
Pecos before sundown.
Draw, bushwhacker.
Draw or die.
( gunshot )
( applause )
Jim! Jim, the roof!
( applause and whistles )
Nice fall, Turk.
Turk?
He's dead.
( woman screams )
Known you all my life, Jim,
and I don't figure
you for a killer.
But I just sent a
corpse into town,
and there's a
couple dozen people
saw you fire the
shot that killed him.
With a gun that I
loaded with blanks?
You know the routine, Bill.
We do it once a day.
Yeah. You got any idea
who could have
switched the bullets?
Well, it seems to me like
anybody could have switched them.
People are walking in
and out of here all the time.
This isn't a real
law man's office.
It's an exhibit. I leave my
gun on that desk half the time.
Yeah, the only thing is, if
anybody could have done it,
that doesn't give me a
suspect except for you.
But I didn't do it.
I did it, but you
know what I mean.
Sure.
I know what I gotta do.
I have to take you
down to the county seat
and book you.
Let you tell Judge
Fogerty your story.
More than likely, he's
gonna turn you loose, no bail,
while the detectives up at
County sort this thing out.
I'm sorry, Jim. I got no choice.
Nice to meet you, sir, ma'am.
Jim, if turns out
that you need bail,
call me and we'll arrange it.
Thanks, Jonathan,
not just for the bail...
I probably won't need that...
But for the vote of confidence.
You got that, Jim.
( telephone ringing )
- Hart residence.
- Hiya, Max.
You people buy that town yet?
Not yet.
Max, we've run into
a little trouble up here.
We may be staying
an extra few days.
Anything I can do to help?
No, not a thing.
We just didn't want
you to worry about us.
Mr. H, if you're not
coming back right away,
is it all right...
my arthritis...
The smog is getting
to me. Freeway, too.
Is it okay if we
took a little trip?
Max, what part of Nevada
were you thinking of, Vegas?
Did I say Nevada?
But the air is nice
around Tahoe.
Freeway loves Tahoe.
It's all right, Max.
But remember, Nevada
made gambling legal.
They didn't make it
compulsory. Okay?
Good luck, Max.
Hiya. Would you
folks like a drink?
Oh, I don't think
so. You, darling?
No, thank you.
Tell me, what happened
with Jim and the law?
Well, they didn't
hold him responsible,
but they did have
to take him in.
That's a good idea.
Maybe now the
police will see through
Bailey's good old boy routine.
( hiccup )
Dooley, I think maybe
you've had enough.
Yeah, it just might turn out
that Bailey had a
reason to want Turk dead.
( muttering )
Well, thanks a lot.
- See you later.
- Yeah.
♪ Oh, my darling,
oh, my darling ♪
♪ Oh, my darling Clementine ♪
♪ You are lost and... ♪
Oh, excuse me, lady.
♪ Oh, my darling,
oh, my darling... ♪
It doesn't seem as though
our good citizens of Gold Town
are trying to help
Jim Bailey any.
What do you know about this?
Well, I know Jim
Bailey wouldn't hurt a fly,
much less kill Turk.
No, somebody switched bullets.
Who?
Beats me.
Well, since we're thinking about
buying a gold mining town,
maybe we should go and
take a look at the mine.
Well, you're gonna need
horses to get out there.
Stage coach is right handy.
♪ Oh, my darling ♪
♪ Oh, my darling Clementine... ♪
This is nice and clean.
Looks like it's
been used recently.
Well, what would they
be using it in here for?
This place is solid rock.
Darling, why don't
we just go back?
We don't seem to be
accomplishing anything here.
You're right.
When Jim gets back,
we may have some idea
of what's going on out here.
What about Pete and his friends?
He seemed awful tight-lipped.
Darling, this is murder.
We need more to go on
than hunches and suspicions.
Jim's a suspect,
and he's gonna remain a suspect
until somebody really finds out
what's happening
around here and proves it.
Hyah! Hyah!
You know something?
This ride isn't quite as
comfortable as our car.
I wouldn't say that.
They're pretty enthusiastic
staging a robbery for
only two customers.
( gunshots )
( bullet ricochets )
Those are real bullets.
Don't you think we
should finish them off?
Nah, the horses
will finish them off.
Are you sure?
Yeah, the driver's
out of action,
the horses are spooked, and
Indian Cliffs is dead ahead.
Come on.
You know, I think
we're out of control here.
Willie!
He can't help us.
How can we stop this?
- I can try.
- How?
I used to watch all those Westerns
when I was a kid Saturday afternoon.
I'm a qualified expert.
Hey!
Willie!
How's Willie?
I'll make it.
Gotta get you to a hospital.
You should have
stayed till it was over,
till they were over.
Oh, come on. They were out of
control and heading for the cliff.
- Close enough.
- Close only counts
when you're tossing
horseshoes, you clown.
Look at that.
You two better get out of
here before you get seen.
Move, now!
Whoa. Whoa. Whoa.
What happened? Where's Willie?
We got attacked.
Willie got hit. He's
in the stagecoach.
How is he, darling, okay?
He'll be all right,
but we better get
him to a hospital soon.
You got a doctor around here?
We don't have anything here.
Ben.
Hey, how come you got
to drive the stagecoach?
That's not in the brochure.
Have you ever driven
one of these things before?
I've seen it done
a hundred times.
Okay. Look, drive this
down to the parking lot.
Put Willie in your car
and drive him to a doctor.
Sure. Glad to help.
I love this stuff.
Hey, would you
do me a big favor?
Just one for the folks
back in Jersey, okay?
Ben, this is real.
- Huh?
- Come on, boys. Go.
Is Jim Bailey back in town?
No, I haven't seen him.
Do you have a
telephone around here?
There's one in the saloon.
( Freeway barks )
Freeway.
Freeway, what
are you doing here?
Hey, boy.
( Freeway whimpers )
He wants us to follow him.
Max, hi.
What are you doing here?
Freeway got lonesome for you.
When I got in the car,
he thought I was
taking him to see you.
I didn't have the
heart to disappoint him.
Aw.
Take a look at this hand.
How do you draw to that?
I already drew it.
Well, stranger, you
gonna call or not?
I told you I didn't
have the money to call,
unless I can borrow it from you.
Security is this hand.
Sure. How much do
you need, a thousand?
No, 20 will do.
20?
Right.
I'll see your 5 and
raise you 15 bucks.
Sorry, partner.
You gotta pay to
see those cards.
( telephone rings )
- Mr. Hart?
- Yeah.
There's a phone call for you.
Thanks.
Hello.
Everything's fine, Jonathan,
but they won't release me yet.
Oh? What's the problem?
We're waiting for Judge Fogerty.
He's out fishing, but
he'll be back pretty soon.
Hey, Jim,
when the Bailey Bonanza
was a working mine,
where did they keep
the extraction equipment?
Well, they had a hydraulic
crusher right inside the mine.
Saved lugging all that
ore down into town.
But they haven't had any
need for it for the last 90 years.
Well, when you get out of there,
come back here
right away, will you?
Thank you. I'll see you soon.
Right. Bye-bye.
What was that all about?
We're going back
up to that mine.
Max, I want you to
call Bill Sampson.
He's with the State
Police Department.
Have him get Jim
Bailey out of jail,
bring him back up
here to Gold Town.
- You know something,
darling?
- What?
That gold mine may
just be a gold mine.
The stage.
You gave Ben our wheels.
Let's try the stables.
They're onto us.
I think they're headed
out to the mine.
This time we can't
afford any mistakes.
So what do you got in mind?
You go over to the store
and you get 20
sticks of dynamite
and a self-contained detonator.
Then you head out to the mine
and get set up
before they get there.
Don't mess this up.
You only get one shot.
One is all we'll need.
- I was just thinking.
- What?
You never saw Roy
and Dale saddling up.
They were always
mounted and ready.
( laughs )
Whatever happened
to the Old West?
That's it. Over there.
Now I want you to
understand something.
I'm gonna get up on your back,
and I don't want
you to get nervous.
Nothing personal,
but Freeway and I
gotta get to Mr. and Mrs. H.
You understand?
( nickers )
I'll make it up to you somehow.
Ain't I seen you
someplace before?
Caliente, Belmont, Santa Anita?
Watch out, Freeway.
I don't want to kick
you in the head.
Oh, maybe it was a cousin.
You got family in California?
Made it the hard way.
Okay. Now forward.
Darling, I don't understand
what we're looking for.
Gravel?
The tailings, leftover
ore bearing rock.
It's gotta be here.
Look at those tracks.
Isn't that strange?
They go right to
the end of the mine.
They also go under it.
Can you hurry
up with that thing?
You want to do it?
What, I gotta do everything?
Does it look phony to you?
A phony wall?
Yeah, like it might have been
put here to hide something.
Well, if it was,
maybe there's a way to open it.
Got it.
All right.
Now.
( laughs )
That should do it.
Yeah, come on. We
better get back to town.
( explosion )
What was that?
( coughs )
Someone blasted the
entrance to the mine.
That's our only way out of here.
Yeah, you're right.
Unless this wall is a phony.
Take a look over there.
What are you guys
doing over here?
Come on with me.
Where are Mr. and Mrs. H?
Why don't we stop here, huh?
Not here, there.
Okay, a little further over.
That's it.
All right. I'll see
if I can get off
without kicking
Freeway in the head.
Whoa, almost.
Okay, Freeway?
( pounding )
That sound hollow to you?
A little.
( barks )
What is it, Freeway?
Where are Mr. and Mrs. H?
Darling, hold this.
Step back.
We're gonna have
to get out of here.
Why? Not if they're dead.
Yeah. There's still
a lot in that mine.
We'll come back
when it cools down.
You guys load up the Jeep.
I'll meet you in half an hour.
( echoes ) Mr. H! Mrs. H!
( barking )
( motor whines )
What is it?
( barks )
Well, this is
what it's all about.
Tailings.
That's gold.
A hundred years ago,
it wasn't worth mining,
but with modern technology
and gold being worth
30 times what it was then,
we're sitting on a fortune.
Whoo.
( barking )
Mr. and Mrs. H.
Max?
- Max?
- Max.
Can you hear me?
Yeah, I can hear
you, but you gotta yell.
Is there any way to
get out on the outside?
You're socked in pretty solid,
but I could go back to town,
get some guys to dig you out.
No, that's no good, Max.
We're running out
of oxygen in here.
Freeway found some
dynamite out here,
but I think it's
too tricky to use.
Max, there's a crack
in the rock over here.
Take the dynamite, put
it in there, and blow it.
Okay. Hold it.
I'll be right back.
We got one more load.
Well, let's get it
and get out of here.
I got the dynamite
close to what I figure
is the right spot, Mr. H.
What about the detonator?
I got it.
Okay.
Give us three minutes
and then blow it.
But are you sure you
want to do this, Mr. H?
We have no choice.
Now go ahead, Max.
Okay.
Come on, Max.
Now watch out, Freeway.
Wow. Look at that.
( coughing )
Mr. and Mrs. H,
are you all right?
We are now, Max, thanks to you.
And Freeway, too.
Oh, Freeway, oh.
You know, Max, somehow
you don't make it as an outlaw.
I thought I might need these,
provided I don't
shoot off my foot.
What's going on
around here anyway?
Someone's been mining gold slag.
It's gotta be those two
cowboys back at that bar.
The storekeeper's in on it, too.
- You sure?
- You bet I'm sure.
He sent those guys over
here to knock you two off.
Then they killed Turk
and set Jim up for it.
Let's go. We can't let
them get away with it.
Come here, Freeway.
I got him.
Come on, Max.
Everything about ready?
Yeah, it's all here.
Good.
Take your guns
off nice and slowly.
You rotten fink.
Just shut up and
take your guns off.
Hold it, Horton.
Stay out of this, Hart.
This is a tourist attraction.
Get ready, folks. We
got a shootout coming.
I think it's more than
a tourist attraction,
and I think I can
prove that to the police.
Maybe. But first you have to...
Max.
( bullet ricochets )
( applause )
Hey, come on out of there.
Come on.
It was Horton's idea.
Take off the guns.
I'll make a deal.
Take off the guns.
( applause )
( gun cocks )
Jonathan, watch
out! On the roof!
( applause )
Pretty fancy shooting, Mr. H.
Thanks, Max.
And they thought I
was wasting my time
sneaking into the movies
on Saturday afternoons.
Oh...
Man's voice: I'm the
Marshal of this here town,
and I'm gonna
referee this shootout.
Ready? Draw.
( gunshot )
Oh, I'm hit!
You're pretty lucky, tenderfoot.
- I got him.
- Jennifer: Wonderful.
Wasn't it nice of Jim to
send me this present?
It certainly was.
Well, how many times is that?
A dozen.
Oh. Well, that's a
nice even number.
I think I'm gonna
give up gun fighting.
I like your moves, cowboy.
Now draw.
You took the words
right out of my mouth.
boss, Jonathan Hart,
a self-made millionaire.
He's quite a guy.
This is Mrs. H. She's gorgeous.
She's one lady who knows
how to take care of herself.
By the way, my name is Max.
I take care of both of
'em, which ain't easy,
'cause when they
met, it was murder.
( barks )
So this is Gold Town in 1890
just before Baby's
Bonanza went dry.
It was my
grandfather's gold mine.
It was my idea
to turn the place into a
ghost town for tourists.
And I keep it going,
as you can see,
but just barely.
I don't aim to make
it my life's work.
What do you think, Arnold?
What do I think, Mr. Hart?
Oh, boy. I think it's
an exciting opportunity.
Mr. Bailey may be just keeping
it going, but think, Mr. Hart.
We could make Gold Town
into a first-class theme park.
What would you think about that?
Well, I want to
preserve the town.
I don't want to see it
turned into a row of condos.
Well, then you've come to
the right place, Mr. Bailey.
We wouldn't think of ruining
the authenticity of Gold Town.
Why, it's part of our heritage.
Imagine, Mr. Hart, Billy
the Kid, the Daltons,
Pat Garrett, Butch Cassidy
and the Sundance Kid.
Why, they've got a stagecoach,
Mr. Hart, and a saloon.
- I'll bet you
serve Red Eye.
- Yeah.
Arnold, uh... Can't
you see it, Mr. Hart?
The Old West,
cookouts, gun fights.
Get off your horse,
partner. Fight like a man.
Raise your hands, little feller.
Arnold, am I
interrupting something?
Darling.
Oh, you look so pretty.
This is Jim Bailey.
- Hello.
- Hello.
Jim owns Gold Town.
Oh, that Western ghost town.
Well, it's a real live
town, too, ma'am.
That's why I'm talking
to your husband.
He seems like the only
investor with a sense of history.
Potential investor,
but I would like to take
a look at it sometime.
Well, when would
you like to come out?
How about tomorrow,
darling? Would you like that?
Great.
Oh, gee, that's
wonderful, Mr. Hart.
Nice meeting you, Mr. Bailey.
Nice meeting you.
Mrs. Hart.
Gotta rustle up them figures.
Get along, little profits.
Jim, see you tomorrow?
Great.
- Nice meeting you.
- And you.
See you tomorrow.
Well, well, you've got
that look in your eye.
What look is that?
Oh, every little boy's dream
of playing cowboys and Indians.
I was thinking more of
cowboys and schoolmarms.
How do you play that?
Well, first, you have
to stay late after school.
Oh. And then?
I don't know. I never
stayed late after school.
Oh.
I guess we'll have to improvise.
Ooh.
How much longer do you
think we'll be hauling this stuff?
We cleared nearly
10,000 last month,
and there's plenty left.
You know what we ought to do?
We ought to pull a
semi up to that mine
and clean the whole
place out in one shot.
How many times
I have to tell you?
A little bit at a time.
This way, we can say
we found it prospecting.
And another thing.
We gotta get outta here
at different times of day.
Otherwise, someone's
gonna miss us and...
Somebody did, boys.
Whoa.
You see, Gold Town's
a mighty small place,
and I've been wondering where
you two were headed every morning.
What you got in
those saddlebags?
Just gravel, Turk, that's all.
Bringing it up to Braxton's.
Making a rock garden
back of his place.
You boys come all the way
up here for gravel, do you?
Braxton, why don't you
just jump down there
and fetch me some of that
gravel you're talking about?
Make it snappy, Braxton. You're
not getting paid by the hour here.
You can back up.
Gravel, huh?
That looks like gold to me.
I guess I caught myself
a couple of claim jumpers here.
( scoffs ) What are
you talking about, Turk?
Nobody's worked that
mine since the 1890s.
Except you fellas.
You've been
working the tailings.
It's gravel for a rock garden.
( gun cocks ) Shut up.
This is the slag that Jim
Bailey's granddaddy threw away
when gold was $20 an ounce.
In those days, you had to
pound it out with a hammer.
But now that it's
worth $400 an ounce,
and with modern equipment...
If you turn us in...
Why should I turn
in my partners?
What are you gonna do, Turk?
Well, darling, Gold Town
is just a stage ride away.
Howdy.
Ben Drootin,
Teaneck, New Jersey.
Oh, Jonathan Hart.
This is my wife Jennifer.
Nice to meet new
friends. Hang on.
I send them to the folks
back in Jersey. ( chuckles )
Isn't this great?
I just love this stuff.
I was at the Grand
Canyon last week.
I don't know what
the big deal is.
It's a hole in the ground.
They don't have
anything like this stuff.
Did you two check
out the brochure?
Man: All aboard. All
aboard for Gold Town.
- Where we put the bag?
- Up top.
You'll take care
of the car, will you?
Yes, sir.
There we go. Yes.
Hang on, folks.
Gets a little bumpy.
This is great. I
love this stuff.
Hyah!
Do you believe people
actually used to live like this?
No running water,
no electricity.
What'd they do for
excitement with no TV?
( gunshots and shouts )
Whoa.
Must be the James boys.
Or the Younger brothers,
or Quantrill's Raiders
or the Oakland Raiders.
- They moved
to Los Angeles.
- Oh.
No false moves,
and nobody gets hurt.
Throw that strong
box down, driver.
Much obliged.
( whooping)
( laughs )
That was great.
I love this stuff.
Hyah!
Hyah!
Jennifer, Jonathan.
Oh, hi, Jim.
How'd you like the ride?
- Whew.
- Wonderful.
You do very nice holdups.
Well, we work on it, but
it's not much use though.
We only get about 20 people
a day though here. Come on.
Most of them arrive with
a clean shirt and a $10 bill
and leave without
changing either one of them.
Well, would you like the tour?
Oh, yes.
How are you, Arthur?
Oh, I can't complain, Jim.
He must be feeling great.
He usually does complain.
He runs the souvenir shop.
And I guess after eight
hours a day of that,
he's got a right to complain.
Well, as you can see,
Turk here makes souvenir
horseshoes for the tourists
and sorta takes
care of the stable.
- How are you, Turk?
- Good, Jim. Howdy, folks.
Hi.
Well, this is the sheriff's
office and the town jail.
They held Jesse James
in there once for two days.
- They did?
- Yeah.
And what's interesting is that
Belle Starr escaped before breakfast.
- Huh.
- Really?
We have nice food
in the restaurant here,
and I guess that's about it.
But I got you the
best room in the hotel,
so if there's anything
else I can do for you,
why, you just let me know.
Looks like Jim's got himself
another prospective buyer.
Oh, they're just tourists.
We just stuck them
up on the coach.
His name is Jonathan
Hart. I recognize him.
And old Jim Bailey
doesn't give the VIP tour
to just tourists.
If Jim's gonna sell this town,
the three of us are gonna
lose our little arrangement.
That's right, so you
keep your eye on him.
I wanna make sure
that Jim doesn't sell
this town right now.
It'd be hard to sell anything
to a dead man, wouldn't it?
( can-can music playing )
( whistles and applause )
Well, how about this?
Isn't it great?
How about a sarsaparilla?
How about a double?
Well, good evening. Come on in.
- Hi, Jim.
- Hi. Have a seat.
Oh, thanks.
We were just going to have
a couple of sarsaparillas.
A couple sarsaparillas. Earl,
three sarsaparillas, please.
Make mine a double.
You've been
getting lucky all night.
Get up slow and let me see
what you got up your sleeve.
Hold it right there, mister.
Well, you see?
We even have
authentic poker games.
Well, I'll see you tomorrow.
All right, boys.
Come on. Let's get
up and get outta here.
Hurry up. I'm gonna
lock you up in hoosegow.
Get out of here.
Come on, let's go.
( applause )
Didn't fool me for a second.
Oh, I was just going
along with the gag.
Cherries in your sarsaparillas?
- Yes.
- Yeah.
Jennifer: I love the Old West.
Jonathan: So do I.
( sighs )
They used to make
their own bread,
can their own vegetables,
weave their own cloth.
How did they do it?
They didn't even have a vacuum
cleaner or a sewing machine.
Can you imagine?
How did they ever
have time for recreation?
There's always
time for recreation.
I suppose you're right.
People have been
doing it for centuries.
Hmm.
( howling )
Man: There's nothing as
much fun as the real thing.
Whoa. Whoa.
Sheriff, the Mills brothers
just got off the noon train
and they're gunning for you.
We're fixing to
have trouble, folks.
- Trouble?
- Yep, trouble.
We put them varmints
behind bars in the first place,
and they swore they
was gonna get me for it.
Gun fight. We're
gonna have a gun fight.
Now, this ain't real.
Is it?
Draw, you mangy bushwhacker.
Draw while you
got breath to draw.
I've drawn on you
for the last time, Miller.
Get south of the
Pecos before sundown.
Draw, bushwhacker.
Draw or die.
( gunshot )
( applause )
Jim! Jim, the roof!
( applause and whistles )
Nice fall, Turk.
Turk?
He's dead.
( woman screams )
Known you all my life, Jim,
and I don't figure
you for a killer.
But I just sent a
corpse into town,
and there's a
couple dozen people
saw you fire the
shot that killed him.
With a gun that I
loaded with blanks?
You know the routine, Bill.
We do it once a day.
Yeah. You got any idea
who could have
switched the bullets?
Well, it seems to me like
anybody could have switched them.
People are walking in
and out of here all the time.
This isn't a real
law man's office.
It's an exhibit. I leave my
gun on that desk half the time.
Yeah, the only thing is, if
anybody could have done it,
that doesn't give me a
suspect except for you.
But I didn't do it.
I did it, but you
know what I mean.
Sure.
I know what I gotta do.
I have to take you
down to the county seat
and book you.
Let you tell Judge
Fogerty your story.
More than likely, he's
gonna turn you loose, no bail,
while the detectives up at
County sort this thing out.
I'm sorry, Jim. I got no choice.
Nice to meet you, sir, ma'am.
Jim, if turns out
that you need bail,
call me and we'll arrange it.
Thanks, Jonathan,
not just for the bail...
I probably won't need that...
But for the vote of confidence.
You got that, Jim.
( telephone ringing )
- Hart residence.
- Hiya, Max.
You people buy that town yet?
Not yet.
Max, we've run into
a little trouble up here.
We may be staying
an extra few days.
Anything I can do to help?
No, not a thing.
We just didn't want
you to worry about us.
Mr. H, if you're not
coming back right away,
is it all right...
my arthritis...
The smog is getting
to me. Freeway, too.
Is it okay if we
took a little trip?
Max, what part of Nevada
were you thinking of, Vegas?
Did I say Nevada?
But the air is nice
around Tahoe.
Freeway loves Tahoe.
It's all right, Max.
But remember, Nevada
made gambling legal.
They didn't make it
compulsory. Okay?
Good luck, Max.
Hiya. Would you
folks like a drink?
Oh, I don't think
so. You, darling?
No, thank you.
Tell me, what happened
with Jim and the law?
Well, they didn't
hold him responsible,
but they did have
to take him in.
That's a good idea.
Maybe now the
police will see through
Bailey's good old boy routine.
( hiccup )
Dooley, I think maybe
you've had enough.
Yeah, it just might turn out
that Bailey had a
reason to want Turk dead.
( muttering )
Well, thanks a lot.
- See you later.
- Yeah.
♪ Oh, my darling,
oh, my darling ♪
♪ Oh, my darling Clementine ♪
♪ You are lost and... ♪
Oh, excuse me, lady.
♪ Oh, my darling,
oh, my darling... ♪
It doesn't seem as though
our good citizens of Gold Town
are trying to help
Jim Bailey any.
What do you know about this?
Well, I know Jim
Bailey wouldn't hurt a fly,
much less kill Turk.
No, somebody switched bullets.
Who?
Beats me.
Well, since we're thinking about
buying a gold mining town,
maybe we should go and
take a look at the mine.
Well, you're gonna need
horses to get out there.
Stage coach is right handy.
♪ Oh, my darling ♪
♪ Oh, my darling Clementine... ♪
This is nice and clean.
Looks like it's
been used recently.
Well, what would they
be using it in here for?
This place is solid rock.
Darling, why don't
we just go back?
We don't seem to be
accomplishing anything here.
You're right.
When Jim gets back,
we may have some idea
of what's going on out here.
What about Pete and his friends?
He seemed awful tight-lipped.
Darling, this is murder.
We need more to go on
than hunches and suspicions.
Jim's a suspect,
and he's gonna remain a suspect
until somebody really finds out
what's happening
around here and proves it.
Hyah! Hyah!
You know something?
This ride isn't quite as
comfortable as our car.
I wouldn't say that.
They're pretty enthusiastic
staging a robbery for
only two customers.
( gunshots )
( bullet ricochets )
Those are real bullets.
Don't you think we
should finish them off?
Nah, the horses
will finish them off.
Are you sure?
Yeah, the driver's
out of action,
the horses are spooked, and
Indian Cliffs is dead ahead.
Come on.
You know, I think
we're out of control here.
Willie!
He can't help us.
How can we stop this?
- I can try.
- How?
I used to watch all those Westerns
when I was a kid Saturday afternoon.
I'm a qualified expert.
Hey!
Willie!
How's Willie?
I'll make it.
Gotta get you to a hospital.
You should have
stayed till it was over,
till they were over.
Oh, come on. They were out of
control and heading for the cliff.
- Close enough.
- Close only counts
when you're tossing
horseshoes, you clown.
Look at that.
You two better get out of
here before you get seen.
Move, now!
Whoa. Whoa. Whoa.
What happened? Where's Willie?
We got attacked.
Willie got hit. He's
in the stagecoach.
How is he, darling, okay?
He'll be all right,
but we better get
him to a hospital soon.
You got a doctor around here?
We don't have anything here.
Ben.
Hey, how come you got
to drive the stagecoach?
That's not in the brochure.
Have you ever driven
one of these things before?
I've seen it done
a hundred times.
Okay. Look, drive this
down to the parking lot.
Put Willie in your car
and drive him to a doctor.
Sure. Glad to help.
I love this stuff.
Hey, would you
do me a big favor?
Just one for the folks
back in Jersey, okay?
Ben, this is real.
- Huh?
- Come on, boys. Go.
Is Jim Bailey back in town?
No, I haven't seen him.
Do you have a
telephone around here?
There's one in the saloon.
( Freeway barks )
Freeway.
Freeway, what
are you doing here?
Hey, boy.
( Freeway whimpers )
He wants us to follow him.
Max, hi.
What are you doing here?
Freeway got lonesome for you.
When I got in the car,
he thought I was
taking him to see you.
I didn't have the
heart to disappoint him.
Aw.
Take a look at this hand.
How do you draw to that?
I already drew it.
Well, stranger, you
gonna call or not?
I told you I didn't
have the money to call,
unless I can borrow it from you.
Security is this hand.
Sure. How much do
you need, a thousand?
No, 20 will do.
20?
Right.
I'll see your 5 and
raise you 15 bucks.
Sorry, partner.
You gotta pay to
see those cards.
( telephone rings )
- Mr. Hart?
- Yeah.
There's a phone call for you.
Thanks.
Hello.
Everything's fine, Jonathan,
but they won't release me yet.
Oh? What's the problem?
We're waiting for Judge Fogerty.
He's out fishing, but
he'll be back pretty soon.
Hey, Jim,
when the Bailey Bonanza
was a working mine,
where did they keep
the extraction equipment?
Well, they had a hydraulic
crusher right inside the mine.
Saved lugging all that
ore down into town.
But they haven't had any
need for it for the last 90 years.
Well, when you get out of there,
come back here
right away, will you?
Thank you. I'll see you soon.
Right. Bye-bye.
What was that all about?
We're going back
up to that mine.
Max, I want you to
call Bill Sampson.
He's with the State
Police Department.
Have him get Jim
Bailey out of jail,
bring him back up
here to Gold Town.
- You know something,
darling?
- What?
That gold mine may
just be a gold mine.
The stage.
You gave Ben our wheels.
Let's try the stables.
They're onto us.
I think they're headed
out to the mine.
This time we can't
afford any mistakes.
So what do you got in mind?
You go over to the store
and you get 20
sticks of dynamite
and a self-contained detonator.
Then you head out to the mine
and get set up
before they get there.
Don't mess this up.
You only get one shot.
One is all we'll need.
- I was just thinking.
- What?
You never saw Roy
and Dale saddling up.
They were always
mounted and ready.
( laughs )
Whatever happened
to the Old West?
That's it. Over there.
Now I want you to
understand something.
I'm gonna get up on your back,
and I don't want
you to get nervous.
Nothing personal,
but Freeway and I
gotta get to Mr. and Mrs. H.
You understand?
( nickers )
I'll make it up to you somehow.
Ain't I seen you
someplace before?
Caliente, Belmont, Santa Anita?
Watch out, Freeway.
I don't want to kick
you in the head.
Oh, maybe it was a cousin.
You got family in California?
Made it the hard way.
Okay. Now forward.
Darling, I don't understand
what we're looking for.
Gravel?
The tailings, leftover
ore bearing rock.
It's gotta be here.
Look at those tracks.
Isn't that strange?
They go right to
the end of the mine.
They also go under it.
Can you hurry
up with that thing?
You want to do it?
What, I gotta do everything?
Does it look phony to you?
A phony wall?
Yeah, like it might have been
put here to hide something.
Well, if it was,
maybe there's a way to open it.
Got it.
All right.
Now.
( laughs )
That should do it.
Yeah, come on. We
better get back to town.
( explosion )
What was that?
( coughs )
Someone blasted the
entrance to the mine.
That's our only way out of here.
Yeah, you're right.
Unless this wall is a phony.
Take a look over there.
What are you guys
doing over here?
Come on with me.
Where are Mr. and Mrs. H?
Why don't we stop here, huh?
Not here, there.
Okay, a little further over.
That's it.
All right. I'll see
if I can get off
without kicking
Freeway in the head.
Whoa, almost.
Okay, Freeway?
( pounding )
That sound hollow to you?
A little.
( barks )
What is it, Freeway?
Where are Mr. and Mrs. H?
Darling, hold this.
Step back.
We're gonna have
to get out of here.
Why? Not if they're dead.
Yeah. There's still
a lot in that mine.
We'll come back
when it cools down.
You guys load up the Jeep.
I'll meet you in half an hour.
( echoes ) Mr. H! Mrs. H!
( barking )
( motor whines )
What is it?
( barks )
Well, this is
what it's all about.
Tailings.
That's gold.
A hundred years ago,
it wasn't worth mining,
but with modern technology
and gold being worth
30 times what it was then,
we're sitting on a fortune.
Whoo.
( barking )
Mr. and Mrs. H.
Max?
- Max?
- Max.
Can you hear me?
Yeah, I can hear
you, but you gotta yell.
Is there any way to
get out on the outside?
You're socked in pretty solid,
but I could go back to town,
get some guys to dig you out.
No, that's no good, Max.
We're running out
of oxygen in here.
Freeway found some
dynamite out here,
but I think it's
too tricky to use.
Max, there's a crack
in the rock over here.
Take the dynamite, put
it in there, and blow it.
Okay. Hold it.
I'll be right back.
We got one more load.
Well, let's get it
and get out of here.
I got the dynamite
close to what I figure
is the right spot, Mr. H.
What about the detonator?
I got it.
Okay.
Give us three minutes
and then blow it.
But are you sure you
want to do this, Mr. H?
We have no choice.
Now go ahead, Max.
Okay.
Come on, Max.
Now watch out, Freeway.
Wow. Look at that.
( coughing )
Mr. and Mrs. H,
are you all right?
We are now, Max, thanks to you.
And Freeway, too.
Oh, Freeway, oh.
You know, Max, somehow
you don't make it as an outlaw.
I thought I might need these,
provided I don't
shoot off my foot.
What's going on
around here anyway?
Someone's been mining gold slag.
It's gotta be those two
cowboys back at that bar.
The storekeeper's in on it, too.
- You sure?
- You bet I'm sure.
He sent those guys over
here to knock you two off.
Then they killed Turk
and set Jim up for it.
Let's go. We can't let
them get away with it.
Come here, Freeway.
I got him.
Come on, Max.
Everything about ready?
Yeah, it's all here.
Good.
Take your guns
off nice and slowly.
You rotten fink.
Just shut up and
take your guns off.
Hold it, Horton.
Stay out of this, Hart.
This is a tourist attraction.
Get ready, folks. We
got a shootout coming.
I think it's more than
a tourist attraction,
and I think I can
prove that to the police.
Maybe. But first you have to...
Max.
( bullet ricochets )
( applause )
Hey, come on out of there.
Come on.
It was Horton's idea.
Take off the guns.
I'll make a deal.
Take off the guns.
( applause )
( gun cocks )
Jonathan, watch
out! On the roof!
( applause )
Pretty fancy shooting, Mr. H.
Thanks, Max.
And they thought I
was wasting my time
sneaking into the movies
on Saturday afternoons.
Oh...
Man's voice: I'm the
Marshal of this here town,
and I'm gonna
referee this shootout.
Ready? Draw.
( gunshot )
Oh, I'm hit!
You're pretty lucky, tenderfoot.
- I got him.
- Jennifer: Wonderful.
Wasn't it nice of Jim to
send me this present?
It certainly was.
Well, how many times is that?
A dozen.
Oh. Well, that's a
nice even number.
I think I'm gonna
give up gun fighting.
I like your moves, cowboy.
Now draw.
You took the words
right out of my mouth.