Hart to Hart (1979–1984): Season 4, Episode 3 - Million Dollar Harts - full transcript

Max: This is my
boss, Jonathan Hart,

a self-made millionaire.

He's quite a guy.

This is Mrs. H. She's gorgeous.

She's one lady who knows
how to take care of herself.

By the way, my name is Max.

I take care of both of
them, which ain't easy,

'cause when they
met, it was murder.

( theme music playing )

Jennifer: Darling, I
think it stopped raining.

You are absolutely beautiful.



Thank you.

Jonathan, have you ever
thought about moving to London?

Wool tweed itches me.

- It does?
- Mm-hmm.

But you look wonderful
in elbow patches.

And you could run for Queen.

Oh, no, no.

I think that job's
already taken.

That's right. And besides,

you're already
Queen of Beverly Hills.

Oh, but I could always
abdicate for the man I love.

Mmm? We better
walk a little faster

if I'm going to make my meeting.

Don't you think a casino



is a strange place
to talk business?

Well, when I missed the merger
meeting with Patrick today,

once the sun goes down,

Patrick can only be found
in the Kensington Club.

( gasps ) I've got a great idea.

After you finish talking,

we'll see if you're
feeling lucky tonight.

( laughs )

I already know the
answer to that one.

Aw...

- Jonathan.
- George.

- Good to see you again.
- Good to see you.

And Jennifer, you make
a damp Englishman

believe the sun really
never sets on our empire.

- How are you, George?
- God, I mustn't ramble.

Mr. Hasbo's waiting
for you in my office.

It must be important.

He's usually lost a few
hundred quid by this time.

- I won't be long, darling.
- All right.

See you later.

- May I take your wrap?
- Yes, please.

How about a little
roulette while you wait?

Maybe a little
roulette watching.

Oh, all right. Come on.

( speaking French )

Place your bets, please.

You are a gambling man, Baron.

Next time you're in Houston...

( speaking French )
No more bets, please.

( speaking French )

17 black, uneven, low.

Oh, you've won.

It happens.

Then again, maybe
it doesn't just happen.

Perhaps you
brought me good luck.

Oh, I didn't...

May I introduce Baron
Charles Destafnik. Mrs. Hart.

- Jennifer Hart.
- How do you do?

I leave you in good
hands, Jennifer.

Oh, thank you, George.

Do sit down.

Oh, no, thank you,
no. I'm just watching.

Baron, you're not gonna keep
all that for yourself, are you?

Surely the bank can survive
my modest good fortune.

Heck, I'm not talking
about the bank.

I'm talking about
the little lady.

Oh, I see. I'm
sorry. Forgive me.

Allow me to introduce Mrs.
Jennifer Hart. Mr. Bill Walsh.

Ma'am.

How do you do?

( croupier speaking French )

Place your bets, please.

( speaking French )

Well, what number, Mrs. Hart?

Oh, Baron, no.
I'd prefer to watch.

Please. I couldn't possibly turn
my back on such good fortune.

But, Baron, I
hardly even know...

Baron, we are waiting.

Look, just... just say a number.

( speaking French )

Uh... four.

Whew. That's an awful
lot of oil wells, Baron.

( speaking French )
No more bets, please.

( croupier speaking French )

Four black, even, low.

That's amazing.

You can scout oil drilling sites

for me any time, little lady.

Jennifer: Oh, I'm sure it's
just a happy coincidence.

Destafnik: On the contrary.

I think you are my lady luck.

Not exactly, Baron.

( speaking French )

Place your bets, please.
( speaking French )

Uh, once more, please.

All of that?

Destafnik: All of it.

All £30,000, my dear.

Isn't that a little risky?

Yes, but the risk is all mine.

Croupier: Madame?

( speaking French )

Put it on the 15.

( speaking French )

No more bets, please.

- I must go.
- Go?

If I win, please
look after my chips.

But aren't you
gonna stay to see...

( croupier speaking French )

- ( cheers and applause )
- Croupier: Black, uneven, low.

Baron, you've won... Baron?

There you are, madame.

£1,080,000.

Baron? What...?

Excuse me, did you see
where the baron went?

How could one miss
seeing him, the lucky twit.

Madame, your chips.

Oh, they're the baron's chips.

Yes, but you can't
leave them at the table.

I'll take them if the little
lady don't want them.

But they're not my chips.

I'll take them to the
cashier's window for you.

Oh, good. Thank you.

- Jonathan: Darling?
- Oh, Jonathan.

I'm sorry. The meeting
took longer than expected.

Is something wrong?

Darling, I just won
over a million pounds.

Hey, that's terrific.

I didn't even know
you were betting.

What were you playing,
numbers, odds, colors?

- Numbers.
- Numbers?

- Uh-huh.
- Well, what are
we doing out here?

If you're on a
roll, let's go back...

No, no, no, darling,
it wasn't my money.

I was playing for a baron.

The numbers hit,
but he disappeared.

Yes, yes, yes,
someone will be here.

Baron Destafnik is
not in his hotel room

and no one on my staff has
seen him since he left the casino.

George, we're cutting
this pretty close.

It's only two hours
before our plane leaves.

- ( knock on door )
- Come in.

Thank you, Pat.

I had the money
converted to dollars.

Jonathan: That's two million?

If they ask, give
this to the authorities.

If I didn't know you as
well as I do, Jonathan,

I wouldn't make it this easy.

The odds are usually
with the house.

Darling, I really do think we
ought to leave this money here.

The baron is bound to
come back to the club.

I don't know what to do.

I only know that something must
have happened to that poor man,

and he only asked
me to do him one favor.

Some favor.

Besides, our insurance
doesn't permit us

to hold cash for patrons.

Darling, I don't like carrying
around this much cash either,

but he did trust me.

Croupier: How do you know
you can trust this Mrs. Hart?

Destafnik: Experience.

Besides, when our fat
friend Hegland appeared,

I hadn't much choice.

Yes, he may become a problem.

You worry too much, Arthur.

Mrs. Hart will carry the
money out of England

and into the United States.

She'll watch over it
with tender loving care

until I arrive to reclaim it.

Then she will be only too
delighted to give it back.

Well, you sound as though
you know her very well.

Not specifically, but
I have experience

with the Mrs.
Harts of this world.

Yes, well, she
could surprise you.

Unlikely.

Air Britain, please.

When are we leaving?

We are not leaving.
I am leaving.

There's no reason for you
to fly to the United States.

That was not part
of our arrangement.

All right. Then
you fly to California

and ask Mrs. Hart to
give the money to you.

But Mrs. Hart thinks that
all the money belongs to you.

Exactly.

So you'll have to trust me.

We meet in Acapulco as planned,

one week from today.

Air Britain, please.

Jonathan: Good-bye,
London fog. Hello, L.A. smog.

Jennifer: Oh, home, sweet home!

I'm gonna sleep for a week.

You two must be exhausted.

We finally get to
sleep in our own bed.

What are you going to
do about the loot, Mr. H.?

Well, we'll leave
it here tonight

and I'll put it in the
vault in the morning.

I've never seen so
much money in one place.

Do you mind if I take a peek?

Sure, take a look.

Oh, Max, this one's for you.

Oh, thank you, Mrs. H.

And, Freeway! This
one's for Freeway.

- Darling.
- Mm-hmm?

Why don't you and
I get acquainted

with some familiar pillows.

Oh, good idea.

Which one of these
do you want upstairs?

- Uh, that one.
- Okay.

Hey, you folks must
be putting me on.

This is play money.

It certainly is, but it's
not ours to play with.

I mean it's toy money.

It's good for building hotels
on Boardwalk, but that's it.

What are you talking about?

Well, take a look.

( gasps )

Jonathan.

Monopoly money.

( phone ringing )

Hart residence.

No, I'm sorry. Mrs.
H. isn't available.

Well, when can I
reach Mrs. Hart?

Mr. and Mrs. Hart arrived late,

very late last
night from London.

They're still sleeping.

When she's available,
please tell her

that Baron Destafnik
is here in Los Angeles.

If you leave your
phone number, I'll...

No, no.

I'll call her back
tomorrow morning.

See if she can fit
it into her schedule.

I guess barons don't
have any class anymore.

Jennifer: I don't know
what you're talking about.

I slept perfectly.

You're the one who
tossed and turned all night.

Oh, I kept dreaming about
London and fox hunting.

Really? Did you catch the fox?

Good morning, folks.

Or should I say good afternoon?

You can say good morning
or good afternoon, Max,

if you just put the
coffee on the table.

You got it.

Oh, coffee, mmm.

- Mrs. H., you got
a call this morning.
- From whom?

- A Baron Destafnik.
- What did he say?

He said he'd call tomorrow.
Didn't leave his number.

Sounded important.

- Thanks, Max.
- You're welcome.

Oh, I wonder how he's gonna feel

when he finds out
he's been demoted

to King of Marvin Gardens?

I think I'll give George
a call in England.

Do you still think the money
was switched at the club?

It had to be.

I kept my eye on that briefcase
from the moment we left.

What's the area code for London?

0-1-1-4-4-1.

0-1-1-4-4-1?

- Are you sure?
- I'm positive.

Surely you don't suspect George.

Well, he was a little blasé

about giving up the money.

Yes, but you've
known him for years.

Yeah, well, maybe he can give
us some idea of what happened.

Any answer?

No luck.

Well, I certainly hope
George will know something,

because if he doesn't, I
don't know anyone who will.

Are you sure you got that right?

Jennifer Hart, H-A-R-T.

Hart.

Unlisted.

I didn't travel halfway
across the world

to lose her here in Tinsel Town.

( engine starts )

- Well, I reached
George in Scotland.
- And?

He caught four
salmon and a bad cold

and he has no idea how
the money was switched,

but he said he'll look into it.

What's the matter?

That man.

He was at the
Kensington Club that night.

He looks like he's
out of an old movie.

He's coming over here.

Forgive me, but
surely you're the lady

who confounded
the Kensington Club

with an uncanny
judgment of roulette.

( laughs )

That was certainly
lucky, wasn't it?

( chuckles ) Was it luck?

Isn't it true that you were
in fact playing for another?

Oh, well, I wasn't
actually playing.

I don't see how this becomes
your business, Mister...

Hegland, Mr. Hart,
Nigel Hegland,

President of the British-American
Trading Company.

And you're quite
right when you say,

with your people's
charming practice,

it is none of my business.

( chuckles ) But will
you not, as it were,

gratify the curiosity
of a stranger?

Waiter, can I have
the check, please?

Dozens of people saw me.

- They weren't even my chips.
- Of course not.

They were the property of a
baron who subsequently vanished.

Am I right?

Well, let me tell you
something, Mr. Hegland.

Even American
frankness has its limits.

Hegland: Of course,
sir. Of course.

One more question,
and it goes without saying

that you need not answer.

Madam, have you
succeeded in locating the baron

and reuniting him
with his money?

Well, as you say
in your country,

we have the
situation well in hand.

Capital, capital! ( chuckles )

All's well that ends well, eh?

- ( bell chiming )
- Excuse me.

Little Ben reminding me

that it's time to
take my medication.

A touch of malaria,
a souvenir of India.

Can't tell you how much I've
enjoyed this little chin-chin.

Well, it certainly
was nice meeting you.

My pleasure, I assure
you, madam, Mr. Hart.

What was that all about?

Thank you.

I don't know, but
he was lying to us.

How? He didn't tell us anything.

At that meeting that night
at the Kensington Club,

I was made President of the
British-American Trading Company.

Shall we?

Jennifer: Darling, do
you think Mr. Hegland

just happens to
be in Los Angeles?

I don't think Mr. Hegland
just happens to be anywhere.

And I don't think
that car behind us

just happens to be there.

We're being followed.

- Darling, it's another
man from the...
- Let me guess.

The Kensington Club?

Good guess.

Do you think he could be working
for the baron or for Hegland?

I don't care if he's in
business for himself.

( horns honk )

He's catching up with us.

- Darling, look out!
- ( horn honking )

Who said the friendships
you make traveling never last?

( thunder crashes )

( Jennifer sighs )

- Darling?
- Mm-hmm.

Maybe I should
have listened to you.

Maybe we should have
left that money in England.

Oh, no. You did the
only thing you could do.

You really did. You
did the right thing.

Besides, I've got a
more important problem.

- What?
- I've got an itch.

Where?

My leg.

- Wrong leg.
- Oh.

That it?

Oh, yeah, that's terrific.

Oh.

( squeaks )

Freeway.

How does he get into everything?

Darling, the
water's getting cold.

Well, why don't we
warm it up a little bit?

Hmm.

( thudding )

What was that?

I don't know.

( thunder crashes )

Darling, go back in the
bedroom and call the police.

Don't you think you
ought to come with me?

I'll be all right.

( thunder crashes )

Jonathan!

- ( gunshot )
- ( Jennifer screams )

- ( thunder crashes )
- ( door slams )

( groans )

( siren wailing )

Hold it right there.

Good evening, gentlemen.

What's all the noise about?

Mr. H., are you all right?

Give me a hand
up, will you, Max?

Sure. The storm
kicked the breakers off.

Whew!

Jennifer!

( barks and whimpers )

Let me help you up.

Oh...

I'll take you upstairs.

Oh, no, darling. I
don't want to go up yet.

Well, then come on.
We'll go in the living room.

Oh.

I must've slipped when
I heard that gun go off.

I'll get some aspirin.

What happened?

I don't know.

It was dark, but he got
away with the briefcase.

Which he?

Well, I couldn't see him.

But one thing's for sure.

When he gets a look at
what's inside of it, he'll be back.

( phone rings )

- Who is it?
- Man: Patrol, Mr. Hart.

We've caught a guy
jumping over your gate.

Can we come up?

Yes, I'll buzz you right in.

Thanks.

Max, how you doing
with that aspirin?

Coming, Mr. H.
Here you are, Mrs. H.

Thanks, Max.

Who was that?

That was our patrol service.

They caught some guy
jumping over the gate.

- ( doorbell rings )
- Want to let them in, Max?

Were those the guys
that were chasing you?

Well, considering nobody's
jumped over our fence for a while,

I would think so.

Sorry to disturb you, Mr. Hart.

Is everything okay in the house?

We caught these two as they
were going out the driveway,

and we found this
briefcase in their car.

- Is it yours, Mr. Hart?
- Yes, it is. Thanks.

Any idea who they are?

Well, that one is Hegland.

Do you know his friend?

It's the croupier from
the roulette table.

Well, for once, the odds
are against the house.

May I ex... Hold it.

You have the right
to remain silent.

In the event that you
can't provide a lawyer...

Come, come, Constable.

I was reading those lines
before Mr. Miranda was born.

I am not seeking armament,
merely my escutcheon,

or shield, as you chaps say.

When we first met, I fear
I may have misled you.

My name is indeed Nigel Hegland,

but I'm an inspector,
Scotland Yard.

My assistant, Sergeant Roman.

Ah, rosylee.

Tea.

- Thanks, Max.
- Shall I be Mother?

Oh, please.

Inspector, would you
kindly explain to us

what is going on?

A most reasonable request.

And, Mrs. Hart, I regret
any unpleasantness.

Milk and sugar?

Please. Both.

How many?

One.

I find your trauma
most distressing.

So do I.

But when you people
failed to contact the baron,

when he made no
efforts to meet with you,

I... I thought I ought to
shake things up, as it were,

to throw a spanner in the works.

- Wrench.
- Quite.

Ha ha.

You see, I assumed
you would think

the baron had taken the
money and go after him.

Milk and sugar?

Please.

How many?

Two.

It would help if we knew
what business he was in.

Oh, he's in the
laundry business.

He transports dirty money.

He's spirited
millions out of Britain.

You might say he's
become a national liability.

Arthur here befriended the baron

and rigged the win at
the Kensington Club.

So much for my luck.

And George Benedict
was in on this?

He was kind enough
to cooperate, yes.

Well, the idea was
give him a million

and see how he moved it.

But I moved it.

Yes, indeed.

He uses gullible
foreigners in that way.

No offense.

He's an expert. You
behaved as anyone would.

Thank you.

Well, I think we understand
everything that's going on.

- Don't we, darling?
- Yes, I suppose so.

Except for one thing.

What did happen to the money?

Ah.

The money.

No, J.J., all I got is
the license number

and one big pain.

Two Harts, that's the pain.

No, they're not listed
and his company

ain't giving out the
home number, either.

Now, look, you owe
me. Run them plates.

Two hours?

Okay, I'll call you back.

( muttering )

Mrs. Hart, you
may be in a position

to help us apprehend the baron

and get our
government's money back.

- How?
- Forget it.

Come, come, sir. I
haven't even told you...

Jonathan: I know
exactly what you want.

You want Jennifer
to agree to meet him.

Exactly. It's the only
way we can nail him.

Naturally, we would
be right behind her.

Well, Inspector,
I don't want you

to think that I'm
being uncooperative,

but if Jennifer did agree to
meet with Baron Destafnik,

let me explain it
to you this way.

He would expect her
to have the money.

She would have
to have the money.

What can I say, sir?

Your concern for
your wife is admirable,

but so large a sum...

Why not, sir?

You forget, Arthur,

we've already mislaid
a million pounds.

Well, after all the money

that the baron has already
siphoned out of the country,

well, surely Her Majesty
can afford another million?

And then without incurring
any danger to Mrs. Hart,

we can recapture both
million and the baron.

You may be right, Arthur.

What do you say, sir?
Shall we have a go?

Mrs. Hart, when the
baron calls, and he will,

will you arrange to meet him?

Jennifer: He said on
the phone room 313.

Mrs. Hart, great
pleasure to see you again.

Please come in.

Baron.

You must be Mr. Hart?

- I am.
- How do you do?

I believe this is yours.

Thank you.

You must accept
a little something.

Good morning, Charles.

Good morning, Inspector.

Hegland: You're
predictable, Charles.

I knew you would come out
if you could smell the cash.

Tell me the truth, Inspector.

How did you work it out?

Oh, it wasn't very difficult.

Arthur?

I believe you two have met.

Arthur.

Detective Sergeant Arthur Roman.

Nobody's perfect, Charles.

Congratulations, Arthur.

You added a new
dimension to the word loyalty.

Arthur, I suggest you call
the Los Angeles Police.

I wouldn't want the locals
to feel slighted in any way.

Don't move!

Put down the phone.

Stand back.

Inspector, take out your gun.

Put it on the floor.

Kick it over here.

Join your colleague.

I'm afraid I need your
help again, my dear.

Move over or I'll kill her.

Come here. Quickly.

Turn around.

I won't hurt her, Mr. Hart.

Just a little insurance.

Back. Back.

You just stay there.

I've had good
luck with Mrs. Hart.

I'll bring her back

if you do as you're told.

Come on, come on,
come on, come on.

Baron.

( gunshot )

He's dead.

Thank you, Sergeant.

I'll be sure to let
you have a full report.

Fine. And Mr. Hart, Mrs. Hart,

I'm sorry I had to
keep you here so long.

That's all right, Sergeant.
Thank you very much.

Do you think you'll
ever recover the money

that was stolen in London?

If not, Her Majesty will
have to suffer the loss

or raise taxes again.

Arthur and I will be
leaving for London

just as soon as we
check out of the hotel.

Well, if you don't need us anymore,
Inspector, do you mind if we go now?

Mr. Hart, Mrs. Hart,

I would like to apologize
once again, if I may,

both for my suspicions
and my little charade.

And I never intended
to hurt either of you.

All in the line of
duty, I suppose.

That's very sporting of you.

Next time you're in London,
do drop in to Scotland Yard.

Thanks very much.

Jennifer: Maybe you're wrong.

Maybe the money was
switched at Heathrow

in the baggage area.

Whoa.

Now don't you try
to run anywhere.

You are one
slippery little heifer.

Hi, folks.

You remember Waco Bill Walsh.

Max.

What is this all about?

Now, Mr. Hart,
don't take offense.

Your pretty little
wife sure is lucky.

Yeah, he saw you
win all that money.

Yeah, and I've been trying to
catch up with you ever since.

Do you have to keep
holding a gun on us?

This? This is a
little old cigar lighter.

Somebody gave it to
me. I thought it was cute.

What do you want?

Ma'am, I'm going up to the
Round Robin Motel in Las Vegas

and I sure would appreciate
it if you'd come with me.

- What?
- That's enough.

Mr. Hart, don't take it
personal or anything like that.

I mean, you can come with us.

You see, what I'm
trying to ask you is

would you play my chips
for me at the roulette wheel?

I mean, we could
go partners, 50/50.

What do you say?

- Well... Waco?
- Ma'am.

If I'm the one with the luck,

why do I need a partner?

Whew. I was sure
afraid you'd think like that.

- Jonathan: Waco?
- Yes, sir?

Good-bye.

Well, you can't
hang a guy for trying.

You can try.

You still coming up
next Saturday, Nevada?

Maybe, if I can.

All right, bye. Bye to you, sir.

Both: Nevada?

Nevada-schmevada.
To you I'm still Max.

- ( phone rings )
- I'll get it.

Thanks.

Nevada.

Hello?

No, I'm sorry, he's not here.

I think he's left for England.

You might try him at the hotel.

Really?

Good luck.

That was the police.

They're looking for
Inspector Hegland.

Anything wrong?

The gun they found
on the baron's body?

It was loaded with blanks.

Blanks?

But that doesn't make any sense.

Why would the
baron try to escape

with a gun loaded with blanks?

Maybe he didn't know.

It wasn't his gun, remember?

It was Arthur's gun.

But why would Arthur have
a gun loaded with blanks?

Good question.

Arthur did have
access to that money.

He could've switched it
before we left the club.

Information, could
I have the number

of the New Otani Hotel in
downtown Los Angeles, please?

And he was a little
fast on the trigger.

Plus he had his hands on
the second million dollars.

Raising that was his idea.

Right. Thank you. Thank you.

Darling, that means
Arthur murdered the baron.

Yeah, that's exactly what
he tried to do to you and me,

all in the line of duty.

Arthur Roman, please.

( phone rings )

Hello?

Hello, Arthur. This
is Jonathan Hart.

I'm trying to locate
Inspector Hegland.

Oh, I'm sorry, Mr. Hart.

I'm afraid he's already
left for the airport.

Is there something
I can do for you?

Do you know what
airline he was taking?

I could reach him there.

No, I'm afraid I don't know,

but perhaps I can
get a message to him.

( bell chiming )

No, that's not important.

You don't have to
leave a message, Arthur.

Thank you very much.

Inspector Hegland's
in that room.

How do you know that?

I heard Little Ben.

Come on, let's go.

What's the matter, Inspector?

Your genius not holding
up for the last act?

Oh, it's too bad that you
couldn't work this one out.

Hello? Front desk?

Where's that helicopter?

Yeah, look, I have
got a plane to catch.

All right. Call me
when it gets here.

You know, Nigel,

there are things I've
always wanted to say to you.

You know how tired I have become

playing second fiddle
to arrogant pigs like you?

That's all over now, huh?

Setting me up as the baron's
partner was just perfect.

I've got his million

stashed in the
Paddington Station locker,

and I got rid of him.

And now, I have another million,

real money this time,
and all I have to do

is get rid of you.

( siren wailing )

She's pregnant.

She's in pretty good shape
for a pregnant woman.

Her normal weight is 89 pounds.

Follow me.

( siren wailing )

Hey! Lady, that's a...

That's not a
hospital, that's a hotel.

We're using the Hilton method.

( rings )

Yes?

Oh, it's here. Okay,
I'm on my way up.

Come along, Nigel.

But you're only going halfway.

( objects breaking )

( helicopter blades whirring )

Take it up.

Well, I guess Arthur
goes directly to jail.

And he won't collect
the two million dollars.

( dice rattling )

Jennifer: You know, I
just thought of something.

Can you imagine what
would have happened

if Arthur had grabbed the
briefcase with the real money

and it all went flying?

It would've been raining
money in Los Angeles.

Yeah. Arthur's luck
ran out and so did yours.

You see where
that puts you? Look.

One, two, three,
four. Huh? There.

Oh, no.

That's a Hart Plaza Hotel.

I want $5,000 for that.

$5,000?

But I only have 750.

Well...

I'll give you my two utilities.

Oh, yeah? You may have to.

How about a "get
out of jail free" card?

Mm-mm. $5,000.

Wait a minute. Wait a minute.

Look at this. Ta-da!

- Nope. Not fair.
- Not fair?

You've been taking
advantage of me all night.

Darling, I promise never to
take advantage of you again.

Oh, I wouldn't go that far.

Oh, am I glad you said that.

Get out of the way,
will you, Freeway?

( laughs )

( barks )

( theme music playing )